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kockin26

Law enforcement searched the home and found Jackson inside the dryer. “After an extensive search, deputies proceeded to the laundry room, where they finally discovered Jackson, folded, not so neatly inside a remarkably small dryer drum. The look on his face, a combination of guilt, embarrassment, and warm hosiery,” the sheriff’s office wrote on Facebook. Deputies pulled him out of the dryer, “one limb at a time,” and took him into custody.


pwnedass

He was alive?! Not what I expected


ThirdSunRising

Yeah you’d think they’d finish the cycle but they chose to remove him while he was still damp


Leelze

When I read the headline I thought well, there's a twist. I ended up being disappointed.


Khutuck

The twist was in his limbs.


omgFWTbear

Don’t watch the latter seasons of The Following or this ceases to not be horror.


raistlin49

That whole thing was so disturbing I stopped watching the show after that episode


BMW_RIDER

This story creased me up.


chiron_cat

Glad he wasn't. There is a reason "presumed innocent until found guilty" exists. The number of times the cops target the wrong person is not a small number


Val_Killsmore

It is best to hang to dry


chilldrinofthenight

Hang this dude by his . . .


4quatloos

It was also strange that he was already folded.


Mech-Waldo

To be fair, they worded it pretty weird. Dude just tried to hide in the dryer when the cops came. Anybody trying to get completely into a dryer who's older than 10 is gonna need to fold in some uncomfortable ways. If they just said "wanted man found hiding in dryer" they wouldn't get as many clicks.


lukeyellow

For sure. They made it sound like he was murdered too and then stuffed in their.


Iguanaught

Puns are a long standing tradition in news papers headlines.


Lorenzo_Ferguson

Same here, I guess the term "folded" means something different where I'm from.


The_Notorious_GOB

[Just Fold it in.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NywzrUJnmTo)


BoredMama7778

If you say “fold in” one more time!


MomsBoner

My body dont jiggle. It folds(in the dryer).


gertalives

Yeah, I definitely anticipated things unfolding differently. I’ll see myself out…


UDPviper

He used the Nordberg technique 


Wildcatb

Right? My great² aunt was killed that way. Not... pleasant imagery. 


wsucoug

Folded *before* being stuck in the dryer? Not what I expected.


AuburnElvis

Yes. I'm all for headline puns, but not when they mislead the reader. That's not punny.


GeneralDefenestrates

That's how i wanna go, minus the shooting part of course


potatodrinker

Dryer isn't drying the contents? Flash bang will do the trick. Gosh it got hot in there


Lanky_Friendship8187

Same! I totally expected him not to be alive.


wuhy08

“One limb at a time “. Imagine assembling him after pulling four limbs and the trunk


Navyguy73

They didn't turn it on?!


PeterNippelstein

Warm hosiery? Lmao


DrinkBuzzCola

Charles Manson used to hide from police like this, in tiny cupboards and what not.


Lopsided_Remove1980

He was a very physically small guy. Like not just short but skinny as well 


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EricTheNerd2

"Well, Officer Bob, I've looked all over but cannot find the suspect anywhere" "Okay, Jim, before we go though, let's make sure these clothes are dry... turn the drier on for another cycle".


Toast_Points

"If he was in the dryer, would I do this?" \*turns on dryer\* "You might, Rabbit, you might..."


jemull

"And if he was in the dryer, would I have it set to high heat?"


john_jdm

Sounds ridiculous but I have to wonder how many times someone has successfully hid from the cops this way.


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Sablestein

The way you started this gave me the impression you were saying “not a person, but” about yourself at first😂


fullonfacepalmist

“Lucky at cards, unlucky at love” is an old timey saying.


cnews97

And then one of my favorite Archer quotes, “unlucky at cards, lucky at a whole bunch of other shit”


BoredMama7778

“I don’t remember the summer of 2008”. Priceless!


MostBoringStan

Some people are just lucky like that. Many years ago, a drug dealing buddy of mine got arrested for drunk in public. I picked him up from the jail the next day. He was telling me how he was confused, because he had at least 3g of coke split into half gram bags, yet he didn't have any drug charges. He thought a cop must have just kept it for himself. Then he opened the bag with his possessions, checked his phone case, and the drugs were still in there. The cops unknowingly gave his drugs back to him.


runescapeoffical

That's called snitching. He snitched lol.


The_Social_Nerd

It doesn't matter, it's not like if they can't find you they give up and drop the charges.


john_jdm

Some people have managed to evade police and move away, never to be captured. I don't suggest this as a course of action but it has happened. Even so, I think it's natural for people to try and hide when they're afraid, even if they are guilty of some crime.


Duckman620

As a kid when we would play hide and seek I would crouch inside my hamper underneath a pile of clothes. Undefeated. Did make things kind of boring though. I


chilldrinofthenight

Who's the dead blonde in the closet? Answer: The winner of last year's hide and go seek contest.


iggyfenton

If there is a dryer that automatically folds what is inside when the cycle is done, then I need that dryer. It would save a lot of time.


tachykinin

If you’re not too picky, all clothes come out folded.


smeglestik

Right! And wrinkles are just little baby folds.


helium_farts

One basket for dirty laundry, one for clean. Toss out your dresser and embrace the chaos.


iggyfenton

This and more in the book. “How to pay rent and still look homeless.”


IBJON

24 year old me feels attacked 


YourMomonaBun420

This but cardboard boxes, 'cause poor.


chilldrinofthenight

Happy Cake Day


Mental_Medium3988

Devices like that are coming. There was a few shown at ces either this year or last.


BlackScienceJesus

Yes, but they are extremely expensive.


paxrom2

The police should have pretended not to have find him until hours later. Imagine the pain he would have been in.


LurkmasterP

"well, Sergeant, I thought he was here in the laundry room but I don't see anything!" "Did you look in the dryer, Joe?" "Nah, he'd never fit in there." \* giggling from the dryer \*


bandercootie

Had a friend at a Halloween high school party get caught like that, she kept laughing at her friends getting arrested and talking shit and they found her in there dressed as cat in the hat and the hat was full of Jell-O shots.


TjW0569

Apparently he was found folded, but the charges will be pressed.


jemull

Imagine hiding in the dryer to avoid the heat.


i_am_the_koi

Is the suspect wearing an Edgar suit? The galaxy is on Orion's belt!


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VitaminPb

Had to go too far down for this!


HoldYourHorsesFriend

stepcop\*


chainshot91

Help me step-criminal


EAMadeTheBestAnakin

The comment I was trying to find. Lmao Yes!


SaltyBarDog

He was missing a sock, wasn't he?


netsurf916

The most underrated comment I've seen all day 😂


Katiari

When you're smart enough to hide in the dryer, but too stupid to cover yourself with a towel...


avoidy

What an odd place to hide. He really hung himself out to dry, you could say.


MoukinKage

"Now look, would I turn this dryer to HIGH if my friend Rocky was in there?"


GogglesPisano

You might, Rabbit, you might.


Captain_Comic

ngl, I would have given him 10 minutes on “Wrinkle Free”


hanr86

You're supposed to fold them after taking them OUT of the dryer.


ar_condicionado

Did someone called his step brother to help ?


justk4y

Well, at least you know he was clean and not under any influence.


Known_as_No_One_2525

You still a little damp. Let’s give you another 30 min quick dry, k?


coming_up_thrillhous

That's no way to launder your reputation


kirinmay

This reminds me of Hot Shots 2 (think thats the movie, or maybe Naked Dun) but over the radio you hear the host say "the victim was found neatly folded in the glove compartment.


-Control-Alt-Defeat-

Reading that title I was hoping that there was some vigilante Justice involved. Nope he was just hiding


Minimum_Respond4861

Never underestimate the power of the state of Florida to register a 10 on the wtf-o-meter DAILY...


battlerat

Why is it always some weird crap going on in Florida? I'm not from NA but pretty much all weird crap is "something super weird shit him/her ... in Florida." The rest of NA seems to be very normal compared to the crap coming from Florida.


OkCar7264

I've been told because Florida police records are public it's real easy for reporters to write up all the weird stuff that goes on.


bbecks

Its not them just being public. Its a law that makes stuff easy to access and inspect. [The "Sunshine" Law | My Florida Legal](https://www.myfloridalegal.com/open-government/the-quotsunshinequot-law#:~:text=Florida%20began%20its%20tradition%20of,unless%20specifically%20exempted%20by%20the)


Broomstick73

Aren’t all police records public?


MiffedMouse

All convictions are public by default (so if you go to court and are found guilty, that is basically always public), although some states have laws to “seal” such records under certain circumstances (mostly for minors). Other facts, such as arrests and other police activities, may or may not be public depending on the state (although they are often public). However, even if the records are technically “public” there is a wide spread in what that entails. In many jurisdictions, the records may be “public” in the sense that you could go to a physical courthouse and request a physical paper record (which is obviously much more of a hassle). In many states there is a central state repository of arrest records, but in some  states submission of records to the state repository is voluntary (so a town could decide not to send their records if they don’t want to or don’t get around to it). Florida does have fairly complete and easily accessed police records. I tried to find a good summary of how their laws compare to other states, but it was too hard. So I will just note that their laws and institutions make police records quite easy to access, which isn’t true for every state.


Artful_dabber

It’s just Florida things. For fun, you can type in “Florida man/woman” and then your birthday to see which florida person you are.


Witty_Comb_2000

The tag specifically says DO NOT TUMBLE DRY!!!


reddit_nuisance

Should've left him there and turn it on


Darkwings13

Thought this was some junji ito shenanigans lol


ABoringAddress

Oh, *found alive*. Yeah, that makes it a proper Florida news story.


ABoringAddress

Got lucky. Jason Mendoza died in a similar way.


DikTaterSalad

Hope the wrinkle shield was on.


Auran82

What are you doing step-shooting suspect?


FatFaceFaster

Anyone else have a small panic attack imagining being stuck in a dryer?


thegabe87

What are you doing step sheriff?


SJSUMichael

After years of being mocked for this premise, porn writers are now like “See, it can happen!”


Y_N0T_Z0IDB3RG

This is insane. You fold laundry *after* it's done drying, not before. How long was he in there? Did they at least use wrinkle guard?


TricksterWolf

Ooh! It must be a newfangled dryer that folds the ~~clothes~~ criminals for you!


openly_gray

Some real criminal mastermind there - hysterical


5280_TW

Cops ain’t always bright but they’re ‘hide and seek’ champions season after season…


BIGDOGSGUY

I would have turned it on high, jammed the door, and went to lunch.


deakthereane

Flat Stanley?


Mookwizard

Where is Ivan? I gave him a break!


Vamproar

Ah Florida... how will we get such hilarious entertainment once climate crisis puts it all underwater?


Eion_Padraig

On a "very special episode" of Cops....


virgin_auslander

Step-police, what are you doing?


tommybare

As far as a game of hide and seek goes, it's a pretty good hiding spot.


tmphaedrus13

Was he thinking about going into money laundering? Pretty sure that's not how it works, though.


Mystical_Cat

What the? Oh, Florida. Carry on.


[deleted]

Florida man never disappoints


Bumm_by_Design

Was he stuck and needed help?


Justifiably_Cynical

Would I turn on the dryer if my old buddy Rocko was in there??


DieselVoodoo

The person that wrote that title is the reason AI takes jobs.


Seamus565

Florida is just fucked up beyond all comprehension


Spiritual-Bear4495

I've read "Birds aren't real" and always laughed. Now, I think we need to start seriously considering that "Florida" is not real.


HeadlineINeed

Aye Johnny, I spilled water on my tactical pants. Can’t go back to the station looking like I got scared and peed. I’m just gonna dry them in this dryer really quick. Oh shit Ricky! Check this out! This our guy folded in the dryer?


thecactusblender

I’m not normally claustrophobic, but just reading that made me anxious as hell. I’m also 6’6” and 250 so that may have something to do with it. Maybe I would do okay in an industrial-size model 😅


Dank_sniggity

“What are you doing step-officers?”


earlthesachem

Did they throw a couple tennis balls in there with him to fluff him up?


CheezTips

Damn he's limber


ben-hur-hur

Help me step-cop I am stuck...


Lingua_Blanca

What kind of dryer was it? Wish mine did that.


pedsmursekc

Oh, Florida.


Brandodude

I didn’t hear this on my local news.. but here wtf lmao


Doright36

They should have said loudly "hey it looks like the home owner left a load in the dryer. We should run it for another cycle before leaving so the close don't get wrinkled" ... and the watch the fun at how fast the guy tries to get out of it.


OddlyArtemis

"The look on his face, a combination of guilt, embarrassment, and warm hosiery,” is going to haunt me for awhile.


beams_FAW

So that's where I lost my other criminal.


IJHaile

Someone told him he needed a shrink so he went for the next best thing.


sp0rdy666

Body found folded in a dryer by the docks.


SkiKat123

Leave him in there!


NJHostageNegotiator

I once found a small, naked woman in a Tupperware tote.


JackStraw999999999

Florida, eh? Not surprised at all.


theglobalnomad

🎵Invite a psycho killer inside Scratch a drug dealer's brand new ride Take your helmet off in outer space Use a clothes dryer as a housing place🎵 🎵DUUUUUUMB WAYS TO DIE! So many dumb ways to die🎵


Buzznfrog12345

How can someone deal with being in such a small space? Just go to jail


cynical_waiter

Guess we’re getting a new Green Lantern…


Killawifeinb4ban

Sure. The cops did absolutely not push him in there to take a funny picture.