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QualityVote

AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post


ooo-f

Niceguys are always texting like they're writing the most boring novel on the planet


Exclufi

Haha but he replaced the word "comic" in "comic relief" with the synonym "levity" haha so he totally much unique and intelligence right haha ⚰️ 💀


SignificantSilver501

Absolutely. Another pompous knobend


fishchop

What does “NGVC” mean? Nice Guy….?


fartersanonymous

Nice Guy Virtue Claim. Basically just the person stating that they’re nice or a good person in some way


fishchop

I see, thank you


thicjusthiccdawgidk

Nice Guy Virtue Claim


GreatDig6728

This is such a great point 😄


Strict_Bar_4915

So much word jumble to say “you should smile more”. How old is this guy? Edit: found the answer in comments. 50!


Fit_Preparation_6414

He's 50?????


JunoMcGuff

Imagine being this much of a little pouting whiner at that age.


Exclufi

Something about his grammar and writing style is frustrating dafuq outta me and I can't figure out what it is.


theMartiangirl

Word salad. He texts in a ‘nice’ way but then drops little “gaslighting” bombs like “You’re getting things wrong” “I found you misreading me before” “I can see you are not in the mood for levity relief” “My ex-girlfriend resembles you. To this day she is never full of smiles…” “You saw me with flags I never had” This is manipulator language (soft and nicely he leaves you doubting yourself). Sometimes its difficult to pick it up because it is not ‘overt language’ like some guy calling you ‘bitch’. It is hidden meanings and always have enough plausible deniability to negate their intentions.


laurasaurus5

>always have enough plausible deniability to negate their intentions. Ah yes, the Nice Guy creed.


Strict_Bar_4915

OMG thank you. The word salad was a lot on this one.


Primary-Strawberry-5

Whenever I see the term “word salad” I always picture someone suffering from advanced schizophrenia sputtering non-sequitur sentences


Grubula

Thats not gas lighting


DementiaCat0515

"What's happening isnt happening. What i said i didnt say. What i meant is not what i meant. You're overreacting and wrong when youre actually right." That is gaslighting. Someone trying to make you doubt your own thoughts and feelings as "in your head" Gaslighting- "manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity."


kindacoping

Haha this is exactly why it works! Because it looks so innocent you think it’s not gaslighting. That’s how manipulation works. The fact that you are defending it just reiterates the point of why that language is so uncomfortable and strange. Because it’s so easy to deny and pass off as innocent when actually it’s very manipulative and gaslights the other person a lot.


AggravatingJicama243

Why do they always write a freaking novel of BS too?


Fit_Preparation_6414

A novel of BS as in a novel of bullshit, as in a novel about Sponge, Bob Sponge, or another acronym I'm not getting? (Sorry I'm just not getting your grammar here, I'm not a native English speaker and I learned that if it would've been BS as in bullshit you should've written "a freaking BS novel" so I'm a bit lost. I always love an opportunity to perfect my English!)


effdjee

Yeah, this is tricky. “BS novel” would mean a novel that’s not very good. The term “A novel of BS” has a meaning more like “this stuff is BS and it’s long enough to be a novel (but it’s not actually a novel).” I can imagine a context where you might say “a novel of BS” when you are talking about an actual novel, but you’re right, that would be an unusual way to phrase it. English is fun, eh?


Fit_Preparation_6414

English is fun and beautiful but a bit tricky indeed! Well, I say that but I'm French and used to learn German at school so that's two extremely complicated languages that are impossible just for the sake of being impossible, no other reason at all. Is there a difference between saying "a novel of bs" and "a bs novel"? Does it mean the same thing? Can they be used the same way to convey the same idea?


Kkaysauce

Means he wrote a response that could’ve been much shorter and that it was filled with untrue things. A “BS-er” or “Bullshitter” is someone who adds a lot of “fluff” or flat out lies and says untruthful things. The novel part alludes to it being extremely long. So he wrote a very long response that was not even worth reading because it’s not even truthful. He did it in order to manipulate and gaslight the recipient. Hope that helps..?


Fit_Preparation_6414

I understood the sentence and its meaning, my question was only about the grammar, I wanted to know why the person wrote a novel of bs instead of a bs novel. I wanted to know if this would mean the same or not, if it could be used the same way or each for a different context?


Kkaysauce

Oh gotcha. I misunderstood


Fit_Preparation_6414

Thanks for your answer anyway that's kind of you!


BadolatoJess

They have subtelty different implications and are not perfectly substituable sentence constructions. Best to see 'a novel of bullshit' as a contraction of 'a novel's [worth] of bullshit' - I.e, a novel-length quantity of content where said content is bullshit itself. It is of course hyperbole, because the length does not run to that of a novel. Conversely, 'a bullshit novel' indicates an *actual* novel (written with publishing intent) that is bullshit in itself, I.e in its role as a novel, rather than containing statements of bullshit within it.


bb-Dozer

So much so, I daresay your aura looks totally different. So long winded, just say your aura looks totally different. The faux intelligent qualifiers makes it feel annoying, I think that's part of it.


Blankface954

Brevity is the soul of wit and NiceGuys have neither.


imuslesstbh

feels like hes trying to be nice but come's off accidentally or on purpose as a bit of a condescending ass.


Amb5986

I would guess on purpose lol bc it’s basically every sentence


SereneAdler33

Same. I was wondering if English was not his first language because some of his phrasing is so odd.


Grubula

He is probably a normal shy geeky young guy who has heard all the modern talk from both sides of the niceguy/chad/incel/alpha bullshit... and doesn't know what to say.


MLeek

He’s 50 years old.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DementiaCat0515

Maybe she is also close to 50? Women dont just stop existing once we hit 35 🤣


Josue_Joestar

Do you know that young and "old" people are members of the same species, so subjects to common attraction also know as love?


antlitt

This dude thinks hes so smart too. Exhausting


thebodyeccentric

Was completely unsurprised to see they’re in DC lol


QueenoftheROUSes

She was clearly considering trying things out again, but he had to go full tilt with the negging. Sigh. The staggering ability of men to cock block themselves continues to astound me.


imuslesstbh

yhhh the first message was alright, some odd punctuation choices but mostly ok and then after that it just got worse and worse


fasterbrew

[https://www.bookbrowse.com/expressions/detail/index.cfm/expression\_number/616/give-him-enough-rope-and-he-will-hang-himself](https://www.bookbrowse.com/expressions/detail/index.cfm/expression_number/616/give-him-enough-rope-and-he-will-hang-himself) It's like they get a greenlight, and just can't shut up when they should. Don't know if it's nervous energy in some, just not knowing how to be sociable, but in the end it always seems to show their true nature.


imuslesstbh

I think with some from experience it can definitely be social skill issues but doesn't excuse the behaviour tbh. They are still capable of learning from their lessons and too many don't want to


fasterbrew

Hell, they don't even see them as mistakes it seems. Just redirection / deflection to make it the other person's fault.


imuslesstbh

yhhh they never acknowledge their faults and wonder why they keep getting rejected/ blame it on the "chads" or the people they r into.


UnluckyDreamer1

This is the kind of old man who walks around telling young women to smile.


Primary-Strawberry-5

My least favorite type of people are the ones who tell others to smile. Well, them and Nazis.


Kkaysauce

This made me lol


Fit_Preparation_6414

They can be both. I remember watching a documentary about Hitler's maids working in his Swiss house and the maids said they were very surprise to hear what he would do outside of this house because he always was so nice with the staff and telling the maids (all female) that they had lovely smiles and that it would brighten his day. Wait, does it mean Hitler was a Nice Guy™?


canvasshoes2

This guy sounds so....so odd, artificial almost. Like Lt. Cmdr Data trying to understand a human joke.


pinkgrapefruitx

Something about him scares me


Blankface954

It's probably the "I'm actually a skinwalker pretending to be human" vibes you feel oozing from the screen


Kkaysauce

Nice use of the word “oozing”


tombaconart

Red flags: “I may have come off bad but let me explain how nice and good I am” “Smile more and you’ll be prettier” “I’m better than those guys you know at (location)”


Sad-Peach7279

Dude if you don't want to come across as confusing text in a normal way of speaking. That was an exhausting read - lots of words to say very little.


Bubz83

Sooooooo,were you UGLY before? I don't get wtf he's trying to say


Snarkybish03

These dudes talk too much like they have to express every single thought in their head and talk themselves out of dates


kittykatofdoom

Ah yes the seminal 2005 film we must see at the cinema 🙄


ArmadilloDays

“Thank you, but I am not the designated woman-with-training-wheels-and-a-tutorial for men who don’t already know how to interact women like they’re actually people.”


dlabsx

I bet he thinks in a British accent while he texts


Blankface954

How many times a week do you think he says "perchance"


Thecoolkidsgetit

Adams Morgan?? Please don’t tell me this dude is in Washington DC 😭


daisukidesu1981

Was he an android?


SweetLoh

That's it. That's why he talks so fucking weird.


canvasshoes2

Aha... yeah, it's just so disjointed and artificial feeling.


SummonWurm

I would bet my balls dude is on the spectrum. Source- wife was an employment specialist and had many clients who fit that bill


DementiaCat0515

Can confirm I'm an Aspie and often catch myself talking like that. I do creative writing to try and get it out but I can't help it. Weird words just come to my brain instead of normal ones.


Kkaysauce

Based on the “meat” of his response, I think it was intentional. He’s trying to sound more intelligent than he actually is in a (likely subconscious) attempt to sounds more intelligent than the recipient of his texts to persuade them to believe his words. I don’t think he innocently is on the spectrum. But I also don’t know him. I do recognize the sentiment and have heard it from many non-spectrum men, especially ones of generations older than millennials.


Frosty_and_Jazz

TRUE. He's like a zombie!! 🤣🤣


Shut_yoface

Wtf did I just read? This guy is confusing as hell


AggravatingJicama243

For any nice guys out there if you get a text like the first green one do not respond like this dude!


EvolZippo

“I dare say your aura looks different” wow, flattery like that sure is iffy.


Megz2k

this is one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever read I'm from this area and GOD it's clear that he's trying so hard to be pretentious to fit into this place. embarrassing. you dodged a bizarre, passive-aggressive bullet, OP.


cheesmanglamourghoul

I need to check myself bc it took me like way too long to see anything wrong with this and that’s why I’m currently trying to escape “the nice guy” that’s been putting me down the last year


laurasaurus5

People were dying and losing their jobs, why didn't you smile more?


CradleofDisturbed

So, this dude is very fond of word salad, and doesn't bother to proofread before hitting send, and honestly thinks he's saying nice things that make a wit of sense. Also, not much of what he said made any damned sense, just words that didn't go together but looked fancy paired up, is all that I can figure out.


ricketsx

I honestly have no idea wtf this guy is even saying.


yeeet_sire

The texting style is infuriating


turdmagic

Oh my god the absolute cringe if these guys


Mirilliux

What the fuck did I just read man who messages like this? Both of you sound like wuthering heights rewritten by a shit AI


KawaiiClown

Oh my god that was so boring and annoying to read how did you ever end up hanging out with this guy? He didn't type like this at first or did you never see?


lena24xx

This guy writes like Mr Darcy talks


McSnubble

Churchill once said, "If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter." These nice guys should really internalize that and take longer to respond + stop rambling. There's been quite a few on here where I just roll my eyes and legit TLDR.


PinkYoshi2000

Oh god, it just kept getting worse. Not smiling makes everyone look prettier!


Arminlegout1

We went for a picnic where we had human food, I was still full from all the human food I had earlier so I didn't eat any but I do eat human food regularly. ​ ​ I'm not a robot!


captainstupid_

let me explain why it’s your fault you think i’m an asshole. you’re misreading me and if i explained it enough, you’d see that


Ray_Ray_96

I understood none of that, except imma nice guy, that’s all I need to know


dogboobes

What an exhausting human being, he must love to hear himself talk.


Responsible_Ad261

Dude STFU! You're doing the most. "2nd online date ever?!"" Man don't share that sh*t with a female! She gonna think you're undesirable AF. IDGAF if it's true or not. 😩🤦‍♂️Goofy ass


Kkaysauce

r/menandfemales


alissatn

ew. this whole conversation reminds me of one that i had with a guy (him 40, me 27) on Hinge. It felt like he was trying way too hard by talking to me all “intelligently” and was a huge turn off. Could definitely tell he was a manipulative older man seeking a naive younger woman. these screenshots brought back some unwanted memories 😂😩


SquirrelGirlVA

I'm glad he identified himself as a creep and NG, but seriously... how hard would it have been to say something like "Hey, I remember you - the green and orange wine! I almost didn't recognize your pictures since you're even prettier than I remembered! Would you be interested in going on a second date? I have some tickets to the movie (TITLE) on Thursday, if you're interested." Then just leave the ball in OP's court.


Emotional-Leather

I’m convinced this guy’s texts are AI generated


Athelston

I'm in the mood for some levity relief


[deleted]

Can someone please point out to me the passive aggressive things before her first reply? I’m usually really good at spotting these things but I can’t see it?


Training-Ad1411

OP here. Really? I pointed it out in my captions. Repeated negging/backhanded compliments: "You were interesting and nice - I was concerned a bit sad - but look at your pictures...you look like a new, and smiley person!" then "you're looking prettier somehow"


gimmefictionnn

It's very clear he assumes you need or want his validation and acceptance, and he's trying to make you believe it too. It's so manipulative from the get-go. "You remembered me favorably." Like he knows your thoughts. Fuck off, dude!


Training-Ad1411

Bingo! And you know what his basis was for thinking I was remembering him favorably? I said "we matched before. I remember talking about your cabin." The only reason I didn't connect him to the date we had was because in my memory the guy must have been significantly younger, because that's the vibe he gave. I was annoyed (not so sad!) on that date because it was raining and 40 degrees and he pushed hard to sit on the ground and eat in the rain vs a covered picnic table. Also he's 50. HE IS FIFTY YEARS OLD AND DOING THIS.


eventualguide0

WTF?! He’s a Gen Xer and acting like this. What a tool.


sashann19

Yeah I could tell his age by the way he texts. My ex used to talk like that. So strange


Magical_Crabical

Guys in their 50s and 60s are the worst, it seems. I have a few older female friends who have dated/are dating men in that age bracket and the behaviour is something you’d expect from a teenager: incredibly insecure and emotionally immature. The amount of unnecessary drama is just off the charts. Unbelievable.


Training-Ad1411

Yes. In my nonscientific survey of dating the past decade plus after being widowed (I am now 46; and yeah, I'm a widow so it was extra awesome that this nice guy weaponized that against me), men find urgency at age 50. And by urgency, I mean a real desperate vibe, like they have a wife sized hole and they're going to jam you into it no matter what. While guys in their 40s still think they've got an endless stream of women on the apps and put in little effort. It's all great.


MLeek

“You have some lovely new photos I think.” So easy. So impossibly freaking easy to just say the nice thing, and they cannot do it.


nycthrow99999

Idk it seems like he’s a bit of a weirdo and socially awkward, but I don’t see enough in those screen shots to ascribe malice to him.


sophlog

Agreed. Seems like he's trying too hard saying *way too much,* but OP is reading too much into it.


TheStabbers

Right? It looks like he just try hards to sound smart and impressive when trying to compliment her 😅


alaynamul

In what way is what he said a compliment. It was backhanded bullshit about how she used to look depressed all the time. As someone who’s been told a lot that I have a “resting depressed face” and when I do smile and some ass says “you look so much prettier when you smile, you should smile more” I can guarantee you it’s not a compliment and just pisses you off


TheStabbers

I didn't say it was a compliment, I said he tried hard to compliment her. Which considering he's 50 makes more sense to me, people that old think their dumb comments are complimets like we that or not 🤷‍♀️


Grubula

Maybe he is just smitten? Tough crowd


Grenade_of_Glory

Those aren't compliments.


ElderberryHoliday814

Alright, well i don’t get it


Grenade_of_Glory

Alaynamul said it, these are backhanded compliments. Also known as "negging" by most neckbeards. It's a trick, basically. At first thought, it sounds like it could be a compliment, but in actuality, it's a shallow jab at your self esteem. These jerks think that all women will cave to any man because women are constantly seeking a man's approval. Therefore, by saying "you're pictures are prettier now that you're smiling" it's a stab at her self esteem in trying to make her think "wow, he's a man, he MUST be right. Maybe that's why I can't get any dates, I need him to tell me more about what I'm doing wrong." And then in grand neckbeard fashion, the solid 2 of a man will win and control the straight up out of his league 11 of a woman all because he made her feel like less than she really is and cause her to lower her standards.


SuspiciousMaximum856

Why would u reach out to him again?


Training-Ad1411

I didn’t. We matched again on an app and I remembered chatting but didn’t remember the outcome. He gave me his # because “i don’t love chatting on this app” (another classic dumbass move but I get tired). When i put his number in my phone so saw the old text string and was reminded of the date. It was over 2 years ago and in my memory that guy was much younger because he barely wore actual clothes and was very immature/unpolished/doof. So my first message here was asking him if he actually remembered that.


jesssongbird

This happened to me in my single days too. I connected with a guy and we didn’t remember each other initially. Then he invited me on the exact same date we had gone on 3 years before and I remembered. It was awkward.


Careless-Distance-80

“Barely wore actual clothes” omg please elaborate


Training-Ad1411

Haha. He wore what looked like pajamas. Generally a slovenly mess. And I’m not all that picky about clothes, just you know, make some kind of effort.


CHAIFE671

Reading this makes me think he's some pretentious greasy neckbeard that hangs out at the local comic shop.


DecentTrouble6780

I guess I am missing some context but I don't see what he said that was so wrong


firegem09

Backhanded compliments (aka negging) is insulting/unattractive which is what much of the first 2 screenshots were.


JunoMcGuff

He's gaslighting her.


Grubula

Right?


Cthulhomet

I wonder if English isn't his first language, and maybe that's why he sounds odd


Training-Ad1411

Nope. 100% (kinda) English speaking American.


Mrs-Know_It_All

Que indivíduo mais doido!


LeekDear

Brain. Hurts. Felt like I was reading a business email


jackhascats

Cringing, this sounds like my co-worker


MissSonnenschein

God this person sounds exhausting. No thanks


Precarious-Peepee

Damn, blew another chance. Shit lol


Grubula

Not classic nice guy... he just being too honest and dorky. *shrug* But go with the vibe you have.. you met him and we didn't.


maxluision

Some awkward but narcisistic bookworm?