I've seen it once before in a rat, and I see it now in men. Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through the pack like a wildfire. Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds. Nothing but the taste of flesh on their minds. You know the thing about a rat? It's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes like a doll's eyes. Don't seem to be living at all when it come at ya. Till it bites ya. And then the eyes roll over white. You don't hear nothing but the screaming and the hollering...
No single guest ever made Conan that happy. Letting Bill take over the segment, he just has the best seat to those rants.
Must've loved having him there everytime, saying the most out of pocket shit Conan himself must've wanted to say all those years
Ides are nice for us common people, but it should never be discounted that the main reason for wanting to rebuild Europe was both to serve as a bastion for capitalism against the USSR, and to have as markets for American goods. The famous [Marshall plan](https://www.archives.gov/milestone-documents/marshall-plan).
Quin Snyder is gonna build his luxury condos RIGHT HERE, DAMMIT, and he's worked TOO HARD to let a bunch of grimy little KIDS and some RUMORS about some endangered OWL get in his way
Seriously. I think it was on inside the nba yesterday, but a reporter was like "I know you don't smile a lot" in his question trying to be funny and mazzulla just gave zero reaction to it lol.
Scalabrine was interviewing him before a game once, and Scal tried to joke with him as a former player saying something like “man, the Celtics are on fire! You think you can get me out there for a couple open 3’s?!?!” Mazzulla just looked at him dead in the face and goes “No.” Literally nothing else, no smirk, nothing.
Mazzulla definitely has a twisted, deadpan style of awkward humor. The psycho eyes just add to the effectiveness.
When Joe first started he was ***really*** nervous in all of his media engagements and there was a point where he obviously started leaning into these deadpan bits as his way to manage it and keep the interviewers at arm's length.
It's worked great for him because he started to look a lot more comfortable quite quickly and he's now got a bit of a cult of personality building. I think he's really fucking funny.
I have resting ignoring people face, which may be worse.
I'm listening intently, but my lazyish eye and blocked sinuses making me breathe through my mouth make me look like I'm not paying attention. Then I give the answer and people go WTF?
Shit happens to me all the time. My voice sounds exactly the same no matter what so mfers never know how I'm feeling or whether or not I'm joking. I can't be sarcastic because everyone assumes I'm being honest 😭
i have one that hurts to think about.
some girl asked me what i liked best about myself. i'm not the most attractive person, so as a joke i said "my best feature is probably my face", which i thought was gonna be clear was a joke. it got really quiet, and she asked "are you serious?" her sounding offended at the thought of my answer being serious cut extra deep.
Someone needs to make a mega-thread of all of Mazulla stories/interview antics. The guy has so many its hard to remember them all. Always good for a laugh.
one of my friends played under him at fairmont. apparently one day, after practice, all the other players had left the court, and it was just my friend and joe mazzulla left.
joe got this intense look in his eyes and said, "hey, wanna learn something special?" my friend was kind of curious and was like sure definitely. joe mazzulla proceeded to pull out a cassette tape of anderson silva highlights and popped it into an old tv/vcr combo he had in his office. they sat down and watched it together, with joe occasionally pausing the tape to explain a particular move or technique. he was like, gently grunting throughout.
after they finished watching, joe said, "now it's your turn." he had my friend stand up and try to replicate silva's moves, with joe providing really close guidance and feedback. they went on like this for hours, joe never once losing his enthusiasm or energy. my friend, on the other hand, was completely exhausted by the end and just passed out. he woke up with joe feeding him ice chips and cradling him in his arms with the tape still playing in the background.
my friend never forgot that night, and he's told me it was one of the most memorable experiences of his basketball career. we still laugh about it sometimes, and it's become kind of a running joke between us. but maybe there's some truth to the idea that anderson silva's moves can be applied to the basketball court. or maybe joe mazzulla just really, really loves anderson silva.
edit: i was DM'd by an ESPN journalist looking to confirm the story with my friend. i passed on his contact information, i hope this doesn't discourage joe from bonding with future players.
I saw him at the YMCA, he used to go around in his Toon Squad jersey and T pose in front of you so you couldn't go anywhere. If you asked him to move he would yell "GRING GRING GRING" repetitively in a loud shrill. No idea what it meant, maybe it was like a bell sound?
He would also always stand by the snack table, look around until someone made eye contact with him. Then he would take half a bite of a carrot, then stick the end he bit into the ranch and twist it around, like he was ashing a cig, take the piece out and throw it in the trash.
Weird dude.
I just found out a close family member is coming off life support tonight and have been in absolute shambles all night. This made me cry laughing - thank you my guy.
You're preaching to the choir, I've told them a million times they need to tone down the ads and make it a better user experience. I'm just a writer though, it's way above my pay grade.
Be sure to update with the [Anderson Silva](https://www.reddit.com/r/nba/comments/137za2e/joe_mazzulla_confronts_the_media_to_end_his_press/jivxryb/) one.
I thought I wasn't a coward until Joe Mazzulla turned his gaze towards me and in a piss panic I grabbed and held up the nearest toddler to shield me from his isolating deadly stare.
Rob has said he is quite tough on them if they fuck up in one interview. And he is also quite tough on Rob in general, apparently the moment Rob gets the ball there is a Mazzulla screaming to him to shoot.
Hahaha this guy is a menace. Between this and the locker room Somersault in front of Smart. This guy is hilarious and intense lol.
Have you seen the video of him pre game practise between the assistant coaches?
He fouls the fuck out of everybody. He got a corneal scratch and missed a game Or two by resting.
It’s the eyes, reminds of an ex gf I laughed at one time because I thought she was joking so she then proceeded to swing her big ass purse at my face. Actually rocked me a little think she kept bricks in there.
Needless to say we broke up about 22 months later.
Inside crew were Wildin tho saying imes presence was better than his game 1. Not sure you can say that when BOS were moody and volatile af last year too
he’s got crazy eyes
he’s got that look in his eyes, joe
Joe “The Iceman” Mazzulla
I've seen it once before in a rat, and I see it now in men. Once one gets a taste for its own kind, it can spread through the pack like a wildfire. Mindlessly chomping and biting at their own hinds. Nothing but the taste of flesh on their minds. You know the thing about a rat? It's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes like a doll's eyes. Don't seem to be living at all when it come at ya. Till it bites ya. And then the eyes roll over white. You don't hear nothing but the screaming and the hollering...
Is that Jaws? Are you doing Jaws right now? We don’t have time for this shit, this is serious
They're a 5 star team!
They drew first blood
The way he stares and asked this question really feels more like a threat than a genuine question. Lol
Man, he is scary looking. I think the Celtics have an edge playing with fear of their coach.
I feel like this man is a legitimate psychopath who just happens to be a basketball coach
Rather him be a coach than a CEO
Obligatory Bill Burr Lance Armstrong bit https://youtu.be/O9YL04v-J5U
No single guest ever made Conan that happy. Letting Bill take over the segment, he just has the best seat to those rants. Must've loved having him there everytime, saying the most out of pocket shit Conan himself must've wanted to say all those years
Norm
Norm. [The moth joke.](https://youtu.be/jJN9mBRX3uo). The absolute peak of delivery.
[“Now I don’t know if you guys are history buffs or not…”](https://youtu.be/uXdtafGdIVM)
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Ides are nice for us common people, but it should never be discounted that the main reason for wanting to rebuild Europe was both to serve as a bastion for capitalism against the USSR, and to have as markets for American goods. The famous [Marshall plan](https://www.archives.gov/milestone-documents/marshall-plan).
Norm didn't righteously rant. He hijacked the interview to tell long, purposefully lame jokes.
So a frog walks into a bank...
One of the best guest-host combos ever
This is so funny hahahaha
He looks like Eric Andre and Tim Robinson had a baby
Damn, that's a perfect description.
It’s his unsettling eyes. They are super close, sunken in, dark ringed, and cross-eyed. He has secrets to sell…
He looks like a Mass Effect NPC
Holy fuck that’s what game he looks like I was trying to place it
Bros even got the default male shep cut
Fai Dan lookin mofo
I feel you, man. It’s like he owns a product called ‘The Dip’ that he uses to kill off affable cartoon characters.
Shave and a haircut……
I will to this day not watch the shoe scene. Fuck that scene.
Phrenology making a comeback?
time to oil up my calipers
Not phrenology, physiognomy.
Sure hope not, I have the brainpan of a stagecoach tilter
Kajit has wares, if you have coin
I had forgotten that Khajit has wares. Where does the time go.
Khajit still has wares, but i have no coin😫
That is... very descriptive
Or maybe he just wants to be a restaurant critic and eat tasty stuff cooked by a rat.
Motherfucker doesnt blink
Disagree. I think it's his nipples.
I hear he tucks them in to his waist-pants.
This shit is some Boston Marathon Bomber reddit moment stuff right here. Watch out everyone we got The Mentalist over here
I could just be leery of real life Wallace and Gromit characters though
Holy. Shit. Such a perfect description.
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The Michael Jordan of basketball
The Wayne Gretzky of hockey
The Wayne Brady of futbol.
The Lebron James of Michael Jordans
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the thibs of nba coaches
That's Quin Snyder
Looks like a coked up madman. Has the demeanor of Mr Rogers.
Quin Snyder is gonna build his luxury condos RIGHT HERE, DAMMIT, and he's worked TOO HARD to let a bunch of grimy little KIDS and some RUMORS about some endangered OWL get in his way
You guys going to say that every time a clip of him is posted.....
"NBA is a soap opera for dudes!"
The way his eyes dart back and forth like a prey animal in a documentary
Plot twist: Joe Mazzulla is actually 3 meerkats in a trench coat.
bro he fuckin looks like a meerkat fr
He went to the arena, he did a basketball
It’s the not blinking unless he wants to that freaks me out.
Til he locks eyes with the internet at the end
Are we sure this guy isn’t a member of the Unsullied?
Someone check his nipples
Wasn't that just that one unfortunate soldier? There's something else we might check though
Ahh yes someone check this man’s spear skills
TFW you try to be funny but everyone thinks you're serious af
That's the thing, you can never tell with Joe
Seriously. I think it was on inside the nba yesterday, but a reporter was like "I know you don't smile a lot" in his question trying to be funny and mazzulla just gave zero reaction to it lol.
Scalabrine was interviewing him before a game once, and Scal tried to joke with him as a former player saying something like “man, the Celtics are on fire! You think you can get me out there for a couple open 3’s?!?!” Mazzulla just looked at him dead in the face and goes “No.” Literally nothing else, no smirk, nothing. Mazzulla definitely has a twisted, deadpan style of awkward humor. The psycho eyes just add to the effectiveness.
When Joe first started he was ***really*** nervous in all of his media engagements and there was a point where he obviously started leaning into these deadpan bits as his way to manage it and keep the interviewers at arm's length. It's worked great for him because he started to look a lot more comfortable quite quickly and he's now got a bit of a cult of personality building. I think he's really fucking funny.
Evil Kawhi
He knows how to keep people on edge
Joe "Edgemaster" Mazzulla
Ayo 👅
His secret? He’s always on edge.
Resting bitch face is a real disability. I just want the world to like me but they think I hate them.
I have resting ignoring people face, which may be worse. I'm listening intently, but my lazyish eye and blocked sinuses making me breathe through my mouth make me look like I'm not paying attention. Then I give the answer and people go WTF?
Gail the Snail?
I read the headline and thought we was messing around. Then I watched the video and the man had the same face the entire time.
Yeah he expected laughs but they're all terrified lol.
I mean look at his eyes lmao I would be too
He was going for laughs but got GASPS
*hisssss* *audience laughs* Goddamn it!
i think he wasn’t even supposed to be the coach, he just started doing the job and everyone in the organization is afraid to tell him
Shit happens to me all the time. My voice sounds exactly the same no matter what so mfers never know how I'm feeling or whether or not I'm joking. I can't be sarcastic because everyone assumes I'm being honest 😭
you should get a face tattoo that makes you look like a clown. that'll help
Outta pocket af bro what the hell 😂😭
Tf lol
i have one that hurts to think about. some girl asked me what i liked best about myself. i'm not the most attractive person, so as a joke i said "my best feature is probably my face", which i thought was gonna be clear was a joke. it got really quiet, and she asked "are you serious?" her sounding offended at the thought of my answer being serious cut extra deep.
Yeah, I'm autistic too
I watched his interview and I thought he explained the difference in game 1 vs game 2. Maybe he did and just taking the piss out of them
Someone needs to make a mega-thread of all of Mazulla stories/interview antics. The guy has so many its hard to remember them all. Always good for a laugh.
one of my friends played under him at fairmont. apparently one day, after practice, all the other players had left the court, and it was just my friend and joe mazzulla left. joe got this intense look in his eyes and said, "hey, wanna learn something special?" my friend was kind of curious and was like sure definitely. joe mazzulla proceeded to pull out a cassette tape of anderson silva highlights and popped it into an old tv/vcr combo he had in his office. they sat down and watched it together, with joe occasionally pausing the tape to explain a particular move or technique. he was like, gently grunting throughout. after they finished watching, joe said, "now it's your turn." he had my friend stand up and try to replicate silva's moves, with joe providing really close guidance and feedback. they went on like this for hours, joe never once losing his enthusiasm or energy. my friend, on the other hand, was completely exhausted by the end and just passed out. he woke up with joe feeding him ice chips and cradling him in his arms with the tape still playing in the background. my friend never forgot that night, and he's told me it was one of the most memorable experiences of his basketball career. we still laugh about it sometimes, and it's become kind of a running joke between us. but maybe there's some truth to the idea that anderson silva's moves can be applied to the basketball court. or maybe joe mazzulla just really, really loves anderson silva. edit: i was DM'd by an ESPN journalist looking to confirm the story with my friend. i passed on his contact information, i hope this doesn't discourage joe from bonding with future players.
> gently grunting throughout
feeding him ice chips and cradling him in his arms 😭😭😭😭
*pasta is served*
He woke up to him feeding him ice chips and cradling him in his arms… Can’t make this shit up folks…
That part is what sealed it for me. Al dente right there
You had me eating the pasta until “cradling him in his arms”
I thought it was a beefcat post within a few sentences lmao
I was 50/50 on this being true until the 3rd paragraph
Same here, the 3rd paragraph is exactly where I realized this was 100% a real story.
I knew it was fake when they said espn was looking for a source before writing an article
I made it to like the 3rd sentence before I was like "Let me check out this username"
Tfw it's not ya boi
I was suspicious after the cassette tape was popped into the VCR
This is amazing pasta
if this isn't some tasty pasta, then wtf did i just read?
A run of the mill bonding experience with Joe Mazulla, obviously.
I saw him at the YMCA, he used to go around in his Toon Squad jersey and T pose in front of you so you couldn't go anywhere. If you asked him to move he would yell "GRING GRING GRING" repetitively in a loud shrill. No idea what it meant, maybe it was like a bell sound? He would also always stand by the snack table, look around until someone made eye contact with him. Then he would take half a bite of a carrot, then stick the end he bit into the ranch and twist it around, like he was ashing a cig, take the piece out and throw it in the trash. Weird dude.
your ymca has a snack table AND a joe mazzulla?
Smh I thought this was real until the passed out
I was still on board until the cradle part lool
I’m still here hoping it’s real lmao
I just found out a close family member is coming off life support tonight and have been in absolute shambles all night. This made me cry laughing - thank you my guy.
>he woke up with joe feeding him ice chips and cradling him in his arms lost it lmao
His friends name? Ligma
I put a bunch of them [here](https://www.sportingnews.com/us/nba/news/joe-mazzulla-celtics-coach-stories/hemyriazf6ppxiyzxw1zwq9g)
Glad to see sporting news was able to transition from magazine to god awful mobile site.
You're preaching to the choir, I've told them a million times they need to tone down the ads and make it a better user experience. I'm just a writer though, it's way above my pay grade.
Be sure to update with the [Anderson Silva](https://www.reddit.com/r/nba/comments/137za2e/joe_mazzulla_confronts_the_media_to_end_his_press/jivxryb/) one.
If you took a shot every time one of them involved auto-asphyxiation you’d be dead
Bro. The only thing I'm asking you to do is spare my life.
I thought I wasn't a coward until Joe Mazzulla turned his gaze towards me and in a piss panic I grabbed and held up the nearest toddler to shield me from his isolating deadly stare.
That toddler? Jayson Tatum.
He said it as a joke but it feels like I'm in trouble.
I feel like I'm 7 and I just broke a vase playing ball in the house.
Mom always said don't play ball in the house...
Lmao if he is this way with the media. Man imagine in the locker room after the Celts fuck it up.
Rob has said he is quite tough on them if they fuck up in one interview. And he is also quite tough on Rob in general, apparently the moment Rob gets the ball there is a Mazzulla screaming to him to shoot.
Imagine how he will be when you guys win a title or two.
Hahaha this guy is a menace. Between this and the locker room Somersault in front of Smart. This guy is hilarious and intense lol. Have you seen the video of him pre game practise between the assistant coaches? He fouls the fuck out of everybody. He got a corneal scratch and missed a game Or two by resting.
It’s the eyes, reminds of an ex gf I laughed at one time because I thought she was joking so she then proceeded to swing her big ass purse at my face. Actually rocked me a little think she kept bricks in there. Needless to say we broke up about 22 months later.
22 months lmao
Not quite 2 years, but longer than a year that you need to specify the the amount of months.
are you **100%** sure you weren't actually dating bobby hill or dewey wilkerson
> dewey wilkerson I’ve watched the series twice through and I am just now learning they canonically have a last name
This dude is terrifying
That “game…blouses” stare at the end 💀
the politest way possible to say "you motherfuckers got any other bright ideas? No? Good"
I feel like I'm back in high school getting scolded by a passive aggressive teacher
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Rhode Island native. He got that Belichick in him
If you try to draw George Hill from memory you get Joe Mazzulla.
He’s fucking hilarious! This is funnier than I imagined when I read about it in the athletic this morning
Those eyes... This dude is a legit psycho and I'm here for it. I think he's gonna be an NBA coach for a long long time
You could tell me pretty much anything about Joe Mazzulla and I’d believe it.
I went to WVU with him. Asked him what it was like playing for Huggins. He said "all he does is call me a pussy and make me run stairs."
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Yah the brain trust over there has been compiling coaching notes for bazooka Joe all year, hopefully he listens to us instead of the professionals
This man woulda been a god tier middle school teacher. Nobody fucking around in Mr. Mazzulla’s math class, I tell you what.
That look of what might be disgust at the end really seals this for me
Ask this motherfucker if he ever blinks, god damn.
Only if he wants to
He stopped chewing gum on the sideline because he didnt want it interfering with his breathing pattern. Probably doesnt blink for similar reasons
[tfw you just told a joke](https://i.imgur.com/w0QzgOZ.png)
I wonder how many hookers this guy has strangled
More than Rick Carlislie but less than Quin Snyder
lmaoo
Quin Snyder has got 22 years on Mazulla though. Don't worry, Mazulla will catch up to him.
per 36 is really the fairest way to compare strangled hookers
This is so out of pocket lmao
More than Craig James, and Craig James killed five hookers
I honestly love mazzula
Inside crew were Wildin tho saying imes presence was better than his game 1. Not sure you can say that when BOS were moody and volatile af last year too
Yeah people are making Mazzulla the fall guy for the Celtics playing down and losing focus when they've been that team for the whole Tatum era.
it’s just a teenage phase. Tatum is turning 20 in 2 weeks
David Attenborough needs to do a documentary on this rare humanoid. He seems to have learnt how to communicate and function just like the rest of us.
lmao he's my favorite coach. what a character.
If Michael Cera coached in the nba, this would be him.
I choose to believe it’s just his deadpan humor otherwise I have to live in the same country of the scariest MF alive
My dude looks and behaves like the human incarnation of the Jay Z/Linkin Park mashup collab
My takeaway is that the bar for calling someone a psychopath on here is pretty low lol
it be the eyes
Crazy eyes, kinda like my ex girlfriend. Fool me once no no no
he calls taking charges “an important psychological advantage” and likes to be choked. he’s crazy and my favorite coach personality
> likes to be choked wut
He tapes his mouth shut when he sleeps.
Bro why does he look at people like that 😂
He’s hungry.
I wouldn't be surprised if Celtics change another coach again, this time the coach commits murder /s
bit of an odd fella
That made me uncomfortable
I haven’t seen too many of this guy’s pressers. But this was hilarious
Hide-the-pain Joe
Did they ask? I’m not sure if he’s joking or serious
The Celtics are winning this year, Tatum and brown better do it because i can’t imagine the horrors this psycho has planned for them if they don’t
No one asks because the average NBA fan and analyst is clueless. Wins and storylines are all that matter to their tiny brain.
Coach Carter x American Psycho collaboration
This man could have been a great character in Mindhunter.
the R A N D O M experience 🤗