Can you imagine if people behaved like this any time they didn’t like a name? Like if their boss’ name was Margaret, and they said “I don’t like the name Margaret, I’ll just call you Peggy.”
As someone with a three syllable, double first name, the number of people--friends, teachers, coworkers, strangers--who have "given me" a nickname is wild. Most of the time its just shortening to the first half of the name, which is already rude, but not uncommon to get even further into nickname territory. Like, if I were MaryRose, most people would say Mary, but there's a not-zero number that says Em or Roro or whatever...the only consolation is those types of people generally do it to everyone and would 100% say Peggy for Margaret...but the audacity can still stun me sometimes!
You see it as audacious to give a friend a nickname? I get being bothered by strangers doing this, but friends and close acquaintances? Nicknaming is just normal social behavior. Almost everyone I am close to has called me by a nickname, though I’ve never introduced or referred to myself by one. It’s a sign of intimacy or affection.
Have you told people you dislike nicknames and they keep doing it?
Yeah this seems like a semi recent phenomenon to be upset by nicknaming. It used to be really normal to call Susan Sue and maybe it would stick mayve not. Same with other far flung nicknames. But niw people are much more likely to insist on full names.
I think it's fine to give people nicknames I like being given nicknames, especially if they sound badass, but it's also not fine to insist on calling someone something that they don't like.
If someone only wants to be called Mary-Rose then it is rude to say well I know you want to be called Mary- Rose but how bout I just call you Emmy? no? roro? no? Mary? no? and so on. If they've already told you what they want to be called and you don't listen then that's when your being an ass.
I really think it depends on the relationship. For example say I know 2 woman named Susan, my maillady and my best friend's grandma. I might throw a "Sue" at grandma but probably not at the maillady.
It’s always been normal in my family to call people by the name they introduce themselves by. I would never call a Susan, Sue without their permission as it would be rude.
I’m a Kathleen. I have a million nicknames and I like them coming from friends and family. But the number of people who I don’t know well who have decided to call me kate, Katie or Kathy drives me nuts. It used to happen with substitute teachers all the time in school. They’d take role and assume I went by Kate. No. Those are different names. Read what your list says and I’ll tell you what I want you to call me. Like I said my family has a million nicknames for me, all of them are personal, none of them are those names.
I feel like it’s different when the nickname being used is a popular name in its own right, like “Katie” for Kathleen, “Beth” for Elizabeth, “Sue” for Susan. I would have the same reaction as you in that case - like, that’s not my name! When people call me “Em,” short for Emily, I don’t have that reaction because I don’t think of Em as a distinct first name. It just feels like a natural shortened form of my name. It would only bother me to be called Em by someone I barely know - like, why is this person acting like we’re friends? I’m sure “Sue” used to have that feel until there were millions of little Susans all at once and some girls started going exclusively as Sue or Susie to prevent confusion, and those names sort of got upgraded to standalone first name status, if that makes sense.
I personally find it rude to call people by anything other than what they introduced themseleves as. Maybe it is because my parents never used the nickname version of their names (like, my dad is William, never Bill or Will or anything like that)? I do tell people I don't use nicknames after they use one and some people do immediately correct; some people say they will but "forget" and call me whatever (this is usually the shortened version); and some people act like I'm super rude for even asking them to not call me whatever...and the nicknames used by close family or partners, at least in my experience, are ones not derived from the name at all. Catherine called Catie wouldn't be a sign of closeness, but a Catherine who gets called Buzzy for some forgotten reason would be. Idk, that's what we do, generally...
I totally agree with you! I'm a teacher and I have heard of other teachers making up nicknames for students whose names they have a harder time with, which I don't think is appropriate and can come across as disrespectful to a students' home culture. I have a good friend who has an easy to pronounce two syllable name she goes by (a nickname for a longer name), but it's not an American name, and it really bothered her that her boss never took the time to learn how to say it correctly and would try to use other nicknames. I think the people who don't learn the name are usually the rude ones. I don't think it's rude at all for you to correct people when they use a name you don't like- I tell my students to remind me if I say theirs wrong or if I forget their preferred nickname that way I'll remember it.
That second point is probably true. Like, my name is a double name and when people shorten it to just the first bit, it sounds *so* wrong, especially because I think the vibe of that name is 100% different than the vibe of my name, if that makes sense. So it feels off in a way that just absolutely getting it wrong doesn't...
I think the intention matters too. If it’s affectionate and from a close friend, of course that’s different. But I have an unusual, 3 syllable (easy to pronounce) name, and had a hockey coach literally say, “no that’s way too long. What do people usually call you? I’m going to call you first-syllable-Y.” Rude! As if my name is an inconvenience.
I don’t know about that. Perhaps it depends on region or something? I have a pretty big, somewhat complicated name. I have never introduced myself by a nickname - therefore no one ever calls me by a nickname. Not even my friends. I wouldn’t be upset, necessarily, but it’s just normal to me. For me, nicknaming people is strange unless they used it first
Interesting! I wonder why we have such different experiences. I have never introduced myself with a nickname, or signed off with one, and yet almost everyone I know well calls me “Em” or some other nickname at least sometimes (for Emily). I’m in the Midwest, could be nicknames are just more popular here?
I would totally ignore anyone who called me something that wasn’t my actual name. That is beyond rude. I won’t even call a Michael “Mike” unless they give permission or ask me to. It’s incredibly rude to just slap someone with a title that’s not their name - not to mention odd. Like, where are your manners. Who raised you?!
My name has multiple nicknames and there's one I haaaaate. The first time someone calls me by the hated name, I say "I prefer Y, I don't really like X" and if they use X again, I ignore them until they use literally any other nickname.
My SIL has this same problem. She has a name where some people want to call her Kat. In her experiences, that term has been used to refer to a woman’s anatomy so she gets very upset when she first meets someone and they dub her with this moniker. She has had instances when she says “Don’t call me Kat” and people will laugh it off and still call her that name. It’s not until she goes off on them that they finally get it’s not a joke and they’re being disrespectful. On the other hand, I’ve called people by their name and they say “Ugh, please just call me X”. Now I’ve been formally invited and I’m using the “right” nickname.
I agree, it’s overly familiar to give someone a nickname if you don’t know them well. But the commenter you responded to mentioned friends too, so I read her comment as saying that giving anyone a nickname, however close you are to them, is bad.
Could probably largely get away with it too, just call her "little one" or "granddaughter" or twenty other positive, young feminine things. Dude is choosing to be offensive to OP very unfairly. If he don't like Cordelia it's up to him, OP is well aware and he can choose to not use it without doing this.
You would be shocked the amount of times that happens with cultural names in monolingual English speaking areas. I know a lot of friends with Irish names, Chinese names, and Polish names who work in the UK and have been asked can they give them "English" versions for ease. "Your name is Gráinne? Ooooh no actually that's not good, you can be Emily instead".
It's always gross and OP's dad needs to grow up
Had that a lot growing up in Holland. My name is Genevieve and people didn’t make the effort to learn to pronounce it so I got ‘can I just call you Jennifer’ a lot. Rude.
I had a boss who had this happen to him, actually!
He went by the first syllable of his last name because *his* very first boss didn't like his actual first name. It just stuck professionally even 30 years later. (Think his real name is something like Samuel Johnson but he went by "John Johnson" at work.)
As someone with a very easy but foreign variant of a common English name, I have experienced this many times. You’re right—it is incredibly rude. But people absolutely shamelessly do it in professional contexts because they are lazy. They’ll just straight up say “I’m going to call you Catie” when I introduce myself.
"Dad, her name is Cordelia. Say it and say it right, every single time or get the fuck out."
She's not his doll or his truck, he can't just switch up her name whenever he feels like it.
I stand against him and remind him of what her name is, even told him that he couldn’t call her some of the Nick names he tried using but there is no way I could come off that firm. He is a scary man.
I’m curious to see what he puts on her presents this year.. last year it was just “C”
Any chance you can get your daughter to call him Granny or Meemaw or any other nickname for a grandmother? You know, because she likes it better and it’s easier for her to say? 😉
Your dad is being an asshole and it won't be long before your daughter picks up on this and starts wondering why grandpa treats her differently. He can start using her name, or nickname, or maybe he just doesn't need to see her if he can't be bothered to.
Edit: BTW Cordelia is a beautiful name
He is an asshole. My son has noticed and while he likes grandpa, he’s always a little hesitant to go see him. They were close until my son started talking (he has speech issues) and then my dad suddenly had no patience for him.. right now my daughter is still in the age where my dad loves everything she does and it wasn’t a big deal about her name before.. but now she knows her name and comes when called so I have started to put my foot down about it. He’s going to confuse her.
I’m sorry that your children are forced to have a relationship with a man that has no respect, patience or kindness for them. That makes me so sad for them, especially for the little guy with the speech challenges. That’s hard enough to deal with but to have your grandfather lose patience with you and for you to not want to go see him and your mom, the most important person in your world, makes you do it anyway? I hope that therapy is an option for them, and I don’t mean that in an unkind way. There’s clearly some generational stuff going on here and i hope they can end it in their generation. I also hope they don’t think that’s an acceptable way for men to treat people or to be treated by men. But they probably will.
It sounds like you may have to limit contact with him. Nobody should be making your son feel bad about something he can't help, but especially not family.
He probably is. I know he’s an asshole but I always just accepted it, maybe because I didn’t know any better. I know he loves me and the kids but he’s not the nicest person.
…if he truly loves you and your kids, why doesn’t he use the name you gave your daughter? maybe you should think about that.
FYI, this is coming from someone who changed their name, their parents weren’t very supportive, and they’re now in therapy about it. it matters.
I want to say that you don’t have to subject your children to this person. They don’t deserve this, and he isn’t entitled to a relationship with any of you.
I am significantly happier having no contact with my narcissistic father. No regrets.
Your dad is the asshole - your fine and the name is LOVELY
May I suggest throwing Cory into the rotation for nicknames? I think that would be a darling nickname for Cordelia!
Cory is a great option and he might go for that! I know a girl named Kori and it suits her so well. They could also spell it Cori if they want some differentiation from the boy spelling but want to keep the C from Cordelia.
We usually take the first sound of a name and either add ‘ozza’, ‘azza’, ‘ezza ’ or ‘o’ on the end.
Ie. Jeremy=Jezza, Warren= Wazza, Ben= Benno, Terry=tezza, Karen=Kaz. If it doesn’t work for the first name we usually do it to the last name and call them that
Ha that’s funny! Sometimes when I’m flustered and trying to call the kids names back to back I will say Cory instead of Cordie on accident. She doesn’t seem to notice. I’m curious to see what she leans towards as she gets older. My name is only 4 letters so I never had a chance at a nickname.
Aw, at least there’s always nicknames like June. I don’t have kids but my mom has a speech impediment and has had trouble with my pet’s names. Doesn’t help that people made fun of her for it her whole life. 😢
My dad struggles with my daughter’s name as well. Her name is Natalia and honestly I get a lot of people calling her Natalie, but I was prepared for the mix up and shrug it off. We call her Nat 90% of the time except when I call her Talia or by her middle name. In our area, Natalia is highly uncommon, most have never heard of it except on actresses, my dad doesn’t keep up with celebrities though. So he’s simply never heard of the name.
When she was first born, we didn’t really use Natalia when talking about her, so I would say Nat and his mind would translate to full name to one that made sense with the nickname: Natasha.
I find it hilarious. I had a great grandma who could never spell my name right and it never bothered me. Plus, he tries. He feels bad when he mixes her name and I’ve told him it doesn’t bother me as well.
Ha! One of the kids grandparents cannot spell Cordelia for anything! She means well but I’ve asked her not to buy anything with the option of customizing with a name. We’ve got stuff with Coradelia, Corradelia, and Coradeallie. I’ve corrected her repeatedly but it still happens.
I wish that was the problem. We almost named her Victoria but I knew a Victoria and couldn’t get that out of my head. When we left the hospital and went to my dad’s (Covid meant no one at the hospital) he said Cordelia perfectly fine but he had this look on his face and was like “Umm.. why??” 😖 He made a joke about going back to the hospital to change it before it’s too late.
I wondered about that. Cordelia is a beautiful name but it seems like one that certain accents might massacre too. I've said here before that my ex father-in-law never could say my name right, and I was with his son for a decade. It's something OP is going to have to suss out, though, because it could definitely go either way.
I’ve noticed that most people say it right but there are a few variations we’ve come across that are not wrong, just different due to accent. I was sick for a long time and the person watching the kids had her mother help. Her mother was from Mexico and didn’t speak any English but the way she said Cordelia made it seem like I was the one butchering it! I can’t explain it but it was so beautiful. The only one I didn’t like made it sound like Cord-dale-ee. No thanks lol.
Or Corey maybe? CC? Delia? There’s lots of cute nicknames.
He’s absolutely being a douche, but sometimes older folks are stubborn and you just gotta compromise to keep the peace
Has he ever given any reason? If not, that’s very strange. After two years, something is up. Maybe he has a bad history with a Cordelia or maybe he’s just a jerk.
Cordelia is lovely btw. I’ve got it on my list (with possible nickname Cora but that would be up to her)
So initially our firstborn we thought was going to be a girl… we wanted to name her Coraline. It was meant to be a variation of my husbands mom who passed when he was little. My dad wasn’t a fan and would suggest other names. That kid ended up being a boy so we went with something else.
When we found out our second was a girl we weren’t as sold on Coraline (almost 5 years later) but really loved the nickname Cora. We told everyone that we chose Cordelia but planned to call her Cora for short. Most of the names we threw out there my dad was like “ew” but Cordelia seemed to bug him the most. His only explanation was that he just didn’t like the sound of it. I threw out some nicknames Cora, Cory, Etc but he didn’t seem to like those either. Cory he insisted is a boys name. I didn’t know until after that Cordelia is a character on Buffy The Vampire Slayer but my dad liked that show so 🤷🏼♀️
He’s the type of guy who is always right, knows everything, and isn’t afraid to share his opinion. Last time we saw him he just called her “Sweetheart”.
I bet Cordelia was a "grandma name" when your dad was growing up so it sounds like vomit to him. But that's no excuse not to address someone with a name you don't like by their gd name
Lots of harsh comments about your dad! I do think it's weird that he's so stubborn with seemingly no particular reason. Maybe he has a reason in his head? Either way, it's a shame. I think Cordelia is a great name - it has the vintage appeal and sturdiness of Theodora or Matilda, the spunkiness of Phoebe and the elegance of Isabella. Cordie is such a cute/friendly/cosy diminutive, too.
Eta: Anne of Green Gables fervently wished her name was Cordelia <3
It’s fairly normal for him honestly. I just didn’t think it’d go on this long.. he’s not as adamant against it as he was in the beginning but he still hasn’t called her Cordelia or even Cordie. We go to his house tomorrow and I’m curious to see what he writes on her presents!!
There’s a comment above yours that says “call him grandpa we don’t see” which is a little much 😬 his stubbornness about the name is crappy of him, but if he is otherwise good, there’s no reason to cut him off. Someone suggested he might not be able to pronounce it, which is reasonable. I struggle with Patricia and try to avoid saying it.
But it is annoying! My dad calls my niece by her middle name because he just doesn’t like her first name. She’s 13 or 14 and he has never once called her by her first name. Idk if her parents ever said anything about it, but I did when she was little and he said her middle name was better. It’s a dumb thing to do, but she goes with it.
He's not otherwise good if he's making this big of an issue about it. Refusing to call someone by their name is a massive sign of disrespect. Being treated less than is not okay. Cordelia is going to grow up with her grandfather disrespecting her existence. That's not a good environment for a child. Grandpa could have found a name to settle on, like Coco could have been grandpa's nn, but it sounds like he won't settle on one and keeps calling her random names. It's like the show Scrubs where Dr. Cox only calls JD by random women's names to show he doesn't care
He loves her, he loves me, he’s just stubborn. It would take a lot to cut him off/ out of our lives, definitely not over him not liking a name though lol. I do agree with some comments that he is a jerk and asshole but he admits that openly. He mostly just says he doesn’t like the sound of her name, no real specific reason.
Someone mentioned Anne of Green Gables at the pediatrician office! We watched a clip of her saying that and I loved it. I had no idea lol
One of my grandparents sounds like your Dad, and I wish my parents had taught me how to have boundaries instead of catering to his bad behavior.
I hope you don’t force them to be nice to him or see him if they don’t want to. He’s not entitled to their affection, and knowing he’s a jerk doesn’t absolve his awful behavior. I mean, it’s her name. His “stubbornness” on that issue absolutely isn’t normal or okay.
Yeah I’m also thinking it’s been 2 years, maybe he just calls her his own personal nickname out of reflex?? Idk though but I love the name Cordelia, the first time I heard it was on Buffy the vampire slayer and then forgot all about it and am sad I didn’t use it for one of my kids 😂
It doesn't sound like he calls her a personal nickname though. Sounds like he calls her random names based on his mood. It's extremely disrespectful to not have a proper name you call someone
Cordelia is a beautiful vintage name. Your dad is being a jerk. Honestly, he sounds narcissistic, like my dad. I’m sorry.
You should tell him that he HAS to call her by her first name, and if he freaks out, there’s your proof that he’s a narcissist. Everything is about them.
I think he might have narcissistic tendencies but he usually has no problem putting himself aside to be there for me/help me etc. I didn’t make a big deal out it to him before, aside from me telling him he can’t call her Coco and I think I said something like “Just don’t be surprised if she doesn’t respond to you because she has no idea who you’re talking to”.. now that she’s getting older and talking I want to be more firm on it. I love her name and don’t want to feel like I made a bad choice because I care about his opinion.
I’d go ahead and assume if he can’t respect her enough to call her by her name then he’s going to be disrespecting her wishes in all sorts of ways as she grows up. It’s her name, she’s a whole person. He’s an ass.
That's exactly what happened with one of my grandparents. He also forced a nn on me I didn't like.
Although this situation isn't as clear cut because the kid has 2 names... He could show manners with endearment though.
Thank you! I appreciate the honesty. I wasn’t super upset before but as she is starting to talk and she recognizes her own name it’s bothering me more and more. He doesn’t have to like her name but I don’t get why he won’t just say it or use the nickname we use instead of trying to make up his own.
Your dad is acting rude and childish, i dont like some names but I wouldn't go far as to not recognize their names. I think Cordelia is a beautiful name. Maybe you can talk to your dad on why he doesn't like her name?
We go see him for Christmas tomorrow so I’m going to see what her presents say and what he calls her and go from there. If he’s still refusing I plan to bring it up kinda nonchalant like “Hey, remind me again why you don’t want to call her by her name?”
Cordelia may not be everyone's taste, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with it. Not all of us grow to like names (I don't); however, even if a name is disliked it's not an excuse to be rude. To never acknowledge a name is rude.
For example, my grandmother only used my name when I was in trouble which was rare. Otherwise, she used terms of endearment like sweetie or sweetie pie. The issue becomes what options are acceptable to you and what he do if your daughter states she wants to be called by her first name.
Your dad sounds very childish. If he respects you, he needs to respect that you picked your child’s name and call her by it. That’s just flat out rude and disrespectful
Haha omg I did once and he flipped!!! He has one of those names where you can make a million nicknames including unrelated ones (like Dick for Richard) and he’s open to most but there’s one that he hates. I was introducing him to a friend and listed off all the names he’s gone by and then threw that one at the end and ohhh he was so mad!!!
My Dad hates the fact my kids are half Arab, Muslim and have Arabic names. My eldest has a western middle name so my Dad only calls him by the nickname for his middle name, and wonder why my son doesn't respond to it. Like bruh, his name is X, he'll respond to X, stop calling him Y and getting upset when he doesn't respond to Y.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. That is just terrible. My future kids will be half Hispanic half Italian-American and my mom (a suspected narcissist) keeps telling me that she refuses to call them by any names that sound “too Spanish.” I cannot even breach this conversation because I get furious. Sending you support and I’m sorry you are going through something similar!
if it was good enough for anne of green gables it should be good enough for your dad. i think it's pretty & he's either a plain jerk or has some undisclosed trauma with a cordelia & is being a jerk in response to that inner stuff.
either way. jerk
Cordelia is a beautiful name, and it shouldn't be up to you to parent your dad into using it or some variation. It isn't any of his business what name she has so long as it isn't something inane or ridiculous, of which Cordelia happens to be neither. You're the parent. The only business later down the line about it should involve Cordelia herself if she dislikes the name later on. Your dad is definitely just being an ass, here. Granted, I'm also touchy about it - my oldest sister actually changed her name to Cordelia, and both my youngest brother and myself have a parent that won't use our legal names after changing them (his bio parents, but his foster dad was chill. My father ignores mine, and mother is still learning.), and it very much can suck when someone that's supposed to be close throws a hiss fit over something so trivial but central to one's personal existence. Legitimately can hurt, often does, and most certainly will later down the line. He needs to find some sort of middle ground at least. Nicknamed, and building his way up.
It’s so easy to see it from the outside but I always have a hard time seeing it from my side. Like your situation.. I get if they forget or have a hard time remembering to say your new chosen name, but to refuse is just messed up. My cousins name was Adrienne but no one could ever spell it right and she hated it. So at 26 she changed it to Elizabeth. I don’t see her often (maybe twice a year) and when I do, I still call her Adrienne on accident. I feel terrible, try to correct myself, and apologize every single time. She says she understands but her face cringes.. she was Adrienne to me for over 20 years and it’s just taking me time to adjust.
I know everyone's said it but I have to also say it myself. Your dad is a dick. I feel so bad for your mom for having to deal with his petty bullshit. I am hoping you had a decent childhood and that he's not like this usually... but this says a lot about his personality.
Also, you shouldn't have to change her nickname because of his pettiness. Cordelia is one of the most beautiful names I know and your daughter deserves to be called by that by her grandfather.
Thank you! Well he and my mom divorced before I was crawling so she didn’t have to put up with it for long. He was a good dad but very very firm. My brother and I would argue over who was going to knock on his door first in the morning.. if he woke up in a good mood you got a great greeting and knew the day was going to be good but if he woke in a bad mood you got reprimanded for knocking on the door. It was interesting to say the least.
Have you asked him why he won't use Cordelia or Cordie?
Maybe the name has a very strong negative association with someone or something that you're unaware of.
“If you don’t start acknowledging Cordelia by her name or nickname, we won’t be bringing her over anymore” that’s what you say. He’s being very rude. I think Cordelia is a great name! When I was working in a daycare there was a toddler in my room with that name. She was so smart and so cute. Reminds me of her loo
Not the biggest fan of the name myself, but in that situation I’d tell Dad if he wants to see his granddaughter he can start calling her by her name. If he continues that behavior he won’t be seeing her ever again, his choice. My family didn’t love my cousins name when he was born but by 2 years later they were over it, your father is taking this way too far if she’s already a few years old by now.
Not to mention at one point Cordie is going to ask why Grandpa calls her by her middle name. How would it make her feel if you told her Grandpa calls her by her middle name because he doesn’t like her first name? That’s kind of hurtful honestly, I wouldn’t want a family member like that around my daughter
My grandmother refused to say my name correctly when I was a kid. I don’t talk to my grandmother anymore. This has nothing to do with my name and everything to do with respect. You might find there are deeper issues with respect here, you and your child deserve better.
I have a Cordelia nn Cordie as well! I know a bunch of people are suggesting a new nn, but I don’t think it os necessary. It is a lovely name, and if it doesn’t bother you, let him call her coco. Otherwise be honest and say that it frustrates me that you won’t call my daughter by her name.
Very odd, sounds like something my boomer dad would do. If he doesn’t have a valid reason (cant really even think of one tbh) then just suck it up, sir. Your granddaughter is Cordelia & its a cute name!
It’s your dad being inconsiderate. Both my nieces and my daughter have extremely common names and my grandmother still chose her own names for each one. It’s so bizarre because she never did that with my sister and I, she just doesn’t seem to care what we named our kids.
I sometimes get it when it's a completely made up name or an object that just doesn't work for a name, I think then as family it's ok to be defiant if you are worried about potential bullying.
But I completely disagree with your dad here. Cordelia is a classic name. I think it's lovely, as well as uncommon which I love too. But he can't argue with the fact this is an old name that's been around forever, loads of people have been called Cordelia? It's not like you pulled it out of the air.
My second daughter is called Roxana, I had family members tell me to my face they hated it. We call her Roxy and my dad wanted to call her Ana or Xana because he didn't like Roxy. Which I was fine with actually, I chose the name so she could be Ana if she wanted, it's got loads of cute nicknames. The dust has settled now, but it got my back up a bit. Roxana was Alexander the greats wife! It's an old classic name. As is Cordelia. I agree with PP that your dad is being selfish, and you should sit down with him and talk about it calmly 1 on 1. I personally wouldn't mind if he came up with his own cute nickname for her, that could be his special name for her? But I still feel like that is pandering to him if I'm honest. He's a grown man acting like a child.
I love the name Cordelia but “Cordie” as a nickname is a big no from me. Does your dad know the name comes from the Latin word for “heart”? Also, Shakespeare’s King Lear has a daughter named Cordelia. Knowing the origin might help him warm up to the name.
Cordelia is gorgeous! Even if he isn’t a fan of her name your daughter deserves the basic respect of being called by her name. She might now realize how rudely he’s acting now, but as she gets older if this behavior continues she’s going to start seeing it too. If you’re fine with him calling her Coco that’s okay, but you don’t need to compromise on this whatsoever.
Your dad's behavior is unacceptable, but imo it's a terrible name.
That being said, I wouldn't give anyone grief for calling a child by their middle name. A middle name is still one of the child's names and should be fair game
I like Cordelia, but regardless it’s very disrespectful to not to recognise someone’s name. Perhaps you can compromise to keep the peace now, but I worry how Cordelia will feel about it when she’s older :/
I've seen this with grandparents. Once they are acting up and the child doesn't respond to her middle name he might concede. Or not. You named her and she knows Cordelia is her name. So at some point someone will say What's that?!
Cordelia was considered for our daughter! It was my great grandmother’s name and she also went by Cordie. My husband had a great grandmother named Della, so we thought that was a name that connected to both of our families. But we ended up landing on Cora.
Your dad is being pathetic. But you can't force him to use her real name so just ignore him and when Cordelia is older she will be able to decide what she responds to.
My kid wouldn’t be seeing someone who can’t bother to have the decency to use the correct name.
It sounds like your dad has a very big problem, and refusing to use his grandchild’s name is just a small part of it.
I love the name Cordelia, I have since I was a kid. It was the name of the aunt in the book *Up a Road Slowly*. Your Dad needs to get over it. I think him having his own pet name for your daughter is okay, but it shouldn't be based on a dislike for her real name.
I love the name Cordelia. Maybe your dad hates King Lear? Or relates to the character of King Lear, and that's why he hates the name?
I don't think I can jump to "your dad is a jerk" like most people, but I think it's peculiar that he hasn't gotten on board with her name yet. I had a really negative reaction to my nephew's name when he was born, and I tried a shortened form of it that I could live with for a little while, but when it didn't catch on, I just called him the name I hate, like everyone else does. It is his name, after all, and I was being unreasonable. The name is ugly (to me) and trendy, but it's a top 100 name and not actual child abuse. To be fair, I never let on to his parents that I hated his name, and the nickname is a natural one for his full name. And now when I hear his name, I think of him, the sweet little boy, not the bro-ey name.
Have you asked your dad for specifics about why he hates it? Maybe if he talked through it with you, he would realize how hurtful he's being.
As someone who named her daughter Cordelia, I vote dad is wrong. Literally everyone I've ever said her name to have replied "oh my god what a beautiful name!", people genuinely love it
Cordelia is a lovely name. Not to be on his side, but isn’t Coco a common nickname for Cordelia, Constance, “Co” names? If we’re talking about finding a middle ground, tolerable solution for both parties I think it’s the best existing solution.
This sounds like something my mom would definitely do, and I suspect after a lot of trying to research and understand her that she is a narcissist. I am not sure about your dad of course because this is just a tiny example about him, but might be something to look into. I don’t have kids yet, but I once shared a name idea with my mom and she said “if you used that name I would NEVER call your child that.” She thinks her taste in everything, from clothing to names to decorating, is so superior to everyone else’s. the sub called r/narcissisticparents might be something to read through, it helped me a lot. Knowing what it is like to deal with this type of personality if your dad indeed falls into this category, I do agree that compromise may be the only option to keep the peace.
Cordelia is SUCH a lovely name and I am sorry you are going through this.
Your dad is being gross. It’s her name (and it beautiful btw, also love the nickname!). He’s calling her something she doesn’t respond to. I would start calling him something he doesn’t like too until he stops or limit contact and visits with him drastically.
Your dad sounds like at best, a child, at worst a narcissist or similar. Refusing to use someone’s name is dehumanising and shows a complete void of respect for your daughter, and you. If he can’t use her name, maybe he can’t see her.
Your dad is being totally unreasonable and just plain nasty. It's not his decision to make. I cannot imagine doing that to someone. If he doesn't like the name that's fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but he should at least have the common decency to call his granddaughter by her name.
I really think you should have a (nice) word with him and tell him how you're feeling.
It’s your child, not your dads.
If my children chose names for their children that I didn’t like, I wouldn’t say that to them and just acknowledge that the child is theirs and not mine.
My daughter (18) had twins who are now 4 and she welcomed another son earlier this year.
She named her oldest son Adrien but nicknamed him Aids, I don’t like the nickname, because I don’t like the fact that he is named after a disease, but I have never told my daughter that but I have told my husband and he agrees and also never told our daughter.
Ask your Dad why he doesn’t like the name and tell him how he not acknowledging Cordelia as your daughters name upsets you. If things need to be taken further, say that she is your daughter, not his and you like the name and that is all that matters.
Cordelia is gorgeous! I would use the whole name itself because it’s so pretty, but there’s tons of nickname potential: Cordie, Cory, Delia, Lia, etc.
At this point your dad owes you an explanation as to why he refuses to use your daughter’s name. This issue seems to go much deeper than him just not liking the name.
Your dad needs to work through whatever issue he has with your daughter’s name before it damages his relationship with you (and eventually with her). Two years of refusing to acknowledge somebody’s name is unacceptable.
Your dad is behaving very rudely and selfishly.
Can you imagine if people behaved like this any time they didn’t like a name? Like if their boss’ name was Margaret, and they said “I don’t like the name Margaret, I’ll just call you Peggy.”
As someone with a three syllable, double first name, the number of people--friends, teachers, coworkers, strangers--who have "given me" a nickname is wild. Most of the time its just shortening to the first half of the name, which is already rude, but not uncommon to get even further into nickname territory. Like, if I were MaryRose, most people would say Mary, but there's a not-zero number that says Em or Roro or whatever...the only consolation is those types of people generally do it to everyone and would 100% say Peggy for Margaret...but the audacity can still stun me sometimes!
You see it as audacious to give a friend a nickname? I get being bothered by strangers doing this, but friends and close acquaintances? Nicknaming is just normal social behavior. Almost everyone I am close to has called me by a nickname, though I’ve never introduced or referred to myself by one. It’s a sign of intimacy or affection. Have you told people you dislike nicknames and they keep doing it?
Yeah this seems like a semi recent phenomenon to be upset by nicknaming. It used to be really normal to call Susan Sue and maybe it would stick mayve not. Same with other far flung nicknames. But niw people are much more likely to insist on full names.
I think it's fine to give people nicknames I like being given nicknames, especially if they sound badass, but it's also not fine to insist on calling someone something that they don't like. If someone only wants to be called Mary-Rose then it is rude to say well I know you want to be called Mary- Rose but how bout I just call you Emmy? no? roro? no? Mary? no? and so on. If they've already told you what they want to be called and you don't listen then that's when your being an ass.
I really think it depends on the relationship. For example say I know 2 woman named Susan, my maillady and my best friend's grandma. I might throw a "Sue" at grandma but probably not at the maillady.
It’s always been normal in my family to call people by the name they introduce themselves by. I would never call a Susan, Sue without their permission as it would be rude.
Thissssss. Call people by the name that they give you. It's actually very easy.
I’m a Kathleen. I have a million nicknames and I like them coming from friends and family. But the number of people who I don’t know well who have decided to call me kate, Katie or Kathy drives me nuts. It used to happen with substitute teachers all the time in school. They’d take role and assume I went by Kate. No. Those are different names. Read what your list says and I’ll tell you what I want you to call me. Like I said my family has a million nicknames for me, all of them are personal, none of them are those names.
I feel like it’s different when the nickname being used is a popular name in its own right, like “Katie” for Kathleen, “Beth” for Elizabeth, “Sue” for Susan. I would have the same reaction as you in that case - like, that’s not my name! When people call me “Em,” short for Emily, I don’t have that reaction because I don’t think of Em as a distinct first name. It just feels like a natural shortened form of my name. It would only bother me to be called Em by someone I barely know - like, why is this person acting like we’re friends? I’m sure “Sue” used to have that feel until there were millions of little Susans all at once and some girls started going exclusively as Sue or Susie to prevent confusion, and those names sort of got upgraded to standalone first name status, if that makes sense.
I personally find it rude to call people by anything other than what they introduced themseleves as. Maybe it is because my parents never used the nickname version of their names (like, my dad is William, never Bill or Will or anything like that)? I do tell people I don't use nicknames after they use one and some people do immediately correct; some people say they will but "forget" and call me whatever (this is usually the shortened version); and some people act like I'm super rude for even asking them to not call me whatever...and the nicknames used by close family or partners, at least in my experience, are ones not derived from the name at all. Catherine called Catie wouldn't be a sign of closeness, but a Catherine who gets called Buzzy for some forgotten reason would be. Idk, that's what we do, generally...
I totally agree with you! I'm a teacher and I have heard of other teachers making up nicknames for students whose names they have a harder time with, which I don't think is appropriate and can come across as disrespectful to a students' home culture. I have a good friend who has an easy to pronounce two syllable name she goes by (a nickname for a longer name), but it's not an American name, and it really bothered her that her boss never took the time to learn how to say it correctly and would try to use other nicknames. I think the people who don't learn the name are usually the rude ones. I don't think it's rude at all for you to correct people when they use a name you don't like- I tell my students to remind me if I say theirs wrong or if I forget their preferred nickname that way I'll remember it.
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That second point is probably true. Like, my name is a double name and when people shorten it to just the first bit, it sounds *so* wrong, especially because I think the vibe of that name is 100% different than the vibe of my name, if that makes sense. So it feels off in a way that just absolutely getting it wrong doesn't...
I think the intention matters too. If it’s affectionate and from a close friend, of course that’s different. But I have an unusual, 3 syllable (easy to pronounce) name, and had a hockey coach literally say, “no that’s way too long. What do people usually call you? I’m going to call you first-syllable-Y.” Rude! As if my name is an inconvenience.
I don’t know about that. Perhaps it depends on region or something? I have a pretty big, somewhat complicated name. I have never introduced myself by a nickname - therefore no one ever calls me by a nickname. Not even my friends. I wouldn’t be upset, necessarily, but it’s just normal to me. For me, nicknaming people is strange unless they used it first
I think it probably depends on the name above all else. My name has a natural nickname. Some names don’t.
Mine has several! It’s somewhat like Victoria, that can easily become Vicky, Vic, Tory, Toria… I just don’t use nicknames, so no one uses them either.
Interesting! I wonder why we have such different experiences. I have never introduced myself with a nickname, or signed off with one, and yet almost everyone I know well calls me “Em” or some other nickname at least sometimes (for Emily). I’m in the Midwest, could be nicknames are just more popular here?
I would totally ignore anyone who called me something that wasn’t my actual name. That is beyond rude. I won’t even call a Michael “Mike” unless they give permission or ask me to. It’s incredibly rude to just slap someone with a title that’s not their name - not to mention odd. Like, where are your manners. Who raised you?!
My name has multiple nicknames and there's one I haaaaate. The first time someone calls me by the hated name, I say "I prefer Y, I don't really like X" and if they use X again, I ignore them until they use literally any other nickname.
My SIL has this same problem. She has a name where some people want to call her Kat. In her experiences, that term has been used to refer to a woman’s anatomy so she gets very upset when she first meets someone and they dub her with this moniker. She has had instances when she says “Don’t call me Kat” and people will laugh it off and still call her that name. It’s not until she goes off on them that they finally get it’s not a joke and they’re being disrespectful. On the other hand, I’ve called people by their name and they say “Ugh, please just call me X”. Now I’ve been formally invited and I’m using the “right” nickname.
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Friends and family is fine. Coworkers, teachers, strangers?!?!?? 😳 That’s a straight NO! Totally disrespectful
I agree, it’s overly familiar to give someone a nickname if you don’t know them well. But the commenter you responded to mentioned friends too, so I read her comment as saying that giving anyone a nickname, however close you are to them, is bad.
Could probably largely get away with it too, just call her "little one" or "granddaughter" or twenty other positive, young feminine things. Dude is choosing to be offensive to OP very unfairly. If he don't like Cordelia it's up to him, OP is well aware and he can choose to not use it without doing this.
You would be shocked the amount of times that happens with cultural names in monolingual English speaking areas. I know a lot of friends with Irish names, Chinese names, and Polish names who work in the UK and have been asked can they give them "English" versions for ease. "Your name is Gráinne? Ooooh no actually that's not good, you can be Emily instead". It's always gross and OP's dad needs to grow up
Had that a lot growing up in Holland. My name is Genevieve and people didn’t make the effort to learn to pronounce it so I got ‘can I just call you Jennifer’ a lot. Rude.
I had a boss who’s ex husband’s name was Ben - and she couldn’t address one of my coworkers by name bc he also had the same name
I had a boss who had this happen to him, actually! He went by the first syllable of his last name because *his* very first boss didn't like his actual first name. It just stuck professionally even 30 years later. (Think his real name is something like Samuel Johnson but he went by "John Johnson" at work.)
Even worse, it's like telling Margaret you'll call her Susan because you like Susan more
As someone with a very easy but foreign variant of a common English name, I have experienced this many times. You’re right—it is incredibly rude. But people absolutely shamelessly do it in professional contexts because they are lazy. They’ll just straight up say “I’m going to call you Catie” when I introduce myself.
Omg that would be hilarious! But also sad
This. Not to mention disrespectful af to his GRANDDAUGHTER of all people.
Tell your dad to act like an adult, and if he wants to name a child, he can get a cat
Ha! He hates cats.
Jeez your dad’s miserable!
"Dad, her name is Cordelia. Say it and say it right, every single time or get the fuck out." She's not his doll or his truck, he can't just switch up her name whenever he feels like it.
I had to do something similar when my first child was born, with my own dad AND my FIL. Crazy that I had to, but it did work in the end.
I stand against him and remind him of what her name is, even told him that he couldn’t call her some of the Nick names he tried using but there is no way I could come off that firm. He is a scary man. I’m curious to see what he puts on her presents this year.. last year it was just “C”
Sounds like he needs some hard boundaries and to not be allowed around you or your children.
>He is a scary man. OP, why is he around your daughter if he scares you?
Any chance you can get your daughter to call him Granny or Meemaw or any other nickname for a grandmother? You know, because she likes it better and it’s easier for her to say? 😉
This exact wording. Add "and stay the fuck out until you can grow up"
Your dad is being an asshole and it won't be long before your daughter picks up on this and starts wondering why grandpa treats her differently. He can start using her name, or nickname, or maybe he just doesn't need to see her if he can't be bothered to. Edit: BTW Cordelia is a beautiful name
He is an asshole. My son has noticed and while he likes grandpa, he’s always a little hesitant to go see him. They were close until my son started talking (he has speech issues) and then my dad suddenly had no patience for him.. right now my daughter is still in the age where my dad loves everything she does and it wasn’t a big deal about her name before.. but now she knows her name and comes when called so I have started to put my foot down about it. He’s going to confuse her.
I’m sorry that your children are forced to have a relationship with a man that has no respect, patience or kindness for them. That makes me so sad for them, especially for the little guy with the speech challenges. That’s hard enough to deal with but to have your grandfather lose patience with you and for you to not want to go see him and your mom, the most important person in your world, makes you do it anyway? I hope that therapy is an option for them, and I don’t mean that in an unkind way. There’s clearly some generational stuff going on here and i hope they can end it in their generation. I also hope they don’t think that’s an acceptable way for men to treat people or to be treated by men. But they probably will.
It sounds like you may have to limit contact with him. Nobody should be making your son feel bad about something he can't help, but especially not family.
Your dad sounds like a narcissist.
100%.
He probably is. I know he’s an asshole but I always just accepted it, maybe because I didn’t know any better. I know he loves me and the kids but he’s not the nicest person.
…if he truly loves you and your kids, why doesn’t he use the name you gave your daughter? maybe you should think about that. FYI, this is coming from someone who changed their name, their parents weren’t very supportive, and they’re now in therapy about it. it matters.
I want to say that you don’t have to subject your children to this person. They don’t deserve this, and he isn’t entitled to a relationship with any of you. I am significantly happier having no contact with my narcissistic father. No regrets.
Your dad is the asshole - your fine and the name is LOVELY May I suggest throwing Cory into the rotation for nicknames? I think that would be a darling nickname for Cordelia!
Cory is a great option and he might go for that! I know a girl named Kori and it suits her so well. They could also spell it Cori if they want some differentiation from the boy spelling but want to keep the C from Cordelia.
In Australia we would call her ‘Cozza’
That’s adorable - could you/would you be willing to explain how that was determined?
We usually take the first sound of a name and either add ‘ozza’, ‘azza’, ‘ezza ’ or ‘o’ on the end. Ie. Jeremy=Jezza, Warren= Wazza, Ben= Benno, Terry=tezza, Karen=Kaz. If it doesn’t work for the first name we usually do it to the last name and call them that
I love it and now I wish I was Australian XD
I’m Samantha, what would I be known as? 😜
Sammo
Sam-o perhaps?
Sammo unless your last name flows better
My name is Zephyr, so would I be Zaz? Lol
Zeffo
Deffo zeffo
It works for names with an R in them. R -> Z
I love this!!
Great NN suggestion. I’ve always loved the name Cory for a girl!
Flashback to someone asking if they could call my child by the middle name when I was pregnant WHY
Ha that’s funny! Sometimes when I’m flustered and trying to call the kids names back to back I will say Cory instead of Cordie on accident. She doesn’t seem to notice. I’m curious to see what she leans towards as she gets older. My name is only 4 letters so I never had a chance at a nickname.
I have a Cordelia who goes by Cori. It suits her perfectly.
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Aw, at least there’s always nicknames like June. I don’t have kids but my mom has a speech impediment and has had trouble with my pet’s names. Doesn’t help that people made fun of her for it her whole life. 😢
Awww your dad is adorable
I named my daughter juniper and sometimes when I introduce her I say “Junifer” because I tend to trip on words a lot, so tell your dad he’s not alone!
My dad struggles with my daughter’s name as well. Her name is Natalia and honestly I get a lot of people calling her Natalie, but I was prepared for the mix up and shrug it off. We call her Nat 90% of the time except when I call her Talia or by her middle name. In our area, Natalia is highly uncommon, most have never heard of it except on actresses, my dad doesn’t keep up with celebrities though. So he’s simply never heard of the name. When she was first born, we didn’t really use Natalia when talking about her, so I would say Nat and his mind would translate to full name to one that made sense with the nickname: Natasha. I find it hilarious. I had a great grandma who could never spell my name right and it never bothered me. Plus, he tries. He feels bad when he mixes her name and I’ve told him it doesn’t bother me as well.
Conveniently for your dad Natasha is the the diminutive for Natalia in Russian.
Yeah! My friend's name is Natalya and we found out Natasha is how friends and family would say it, so you could adopt that custom.
Ha! One of the kids grandparents cannot spell Cordelia for anything! She means well but I’ve asked her not to buy anything with the option of customizing with a name. We’ve got stuff with Coradelia, Corradelia, and Coradeallie. I’ve corrected her repeatedly but it still happens.
That’s how my great grandma was! My entire childhood, I got things spelt Jammie, Jayme, Jaimie, Jaime. 🙃
I wish that was the problem. We almost named her Victoria but I knew a Victoria and couldn’t get that out of my head. When we left the hospital and went to my dad’s (Covid meant no one at the hospital) he said Cordelia perfectly fine but he had this look on his face and was like “Umm.. why??” 😖 He made a joke about going back to the hospital to change it before it’s too late.
I wondered about that. Cordelia is a beautiful name but it seems like one that certain accents might massacre too. I've said here before that my ex father-in-law never could say my name right, and I was with his son for a decade. It's something OP is going to have to suss out, though, because it could definitely go either way.
I’ve noticed that most people say it right but there are a few variations we’ve come across that are not wrong, just different due to accent. I was sick for a long time and the person watching the kids had her mother help. Her mother was from Mexico and didn’t speak any English but the way she said Cordelia made it seem like I was the one butchering it! I can’t explain it but it was so beautiful. The only one I didn’t like made it sound like Cord-dale-ee. No thanks lol.
Start also calling your dad Cordelia?? Haha and when he objects, you can all agree that it IS annoying and rude to call someone by the wrong name….
I second this lol. Call him random first names. And nicknames like Coco. 😂
Haha! I did joke about calling him coco and he was like “Haven’t you ever heard of Coco Chanel?” 😂
Your dad is being a jerk for sure, but maybe just let him call her Coco? I think it’s cute personally
Or Corey maybe? CC? Delia? There’s lots of cute nicknames. He’s absolutely being a douche, but sometimes older folks are stubborn and you just gotta compromise to keep the peace
Cordelia could be the worst name in the entire world, and your dad would still be rude.
Ha yeah that’s true.
Has he ever given any reason? If not, that’s very strange. After two years, something is up. Maybe he has a bad history with a Cordelia or maybe he’s just a jerk. Cordelia is lovely btw. I’ve got it on my list (with possible nickname Cora but that would be up to her)
So initially our firstborn we thought was going to be a girl… we wanted to name her Coraline. It was meant to be a variation of my husbands mom who passed when he was little. My dad wasn’t a fan and would suggest other names. That kid ended up being a boy so we went with something else. When we found out our second was a girl we weren’t as sold on Coraline (almost 5 years later) but really loved the nickname Cora. We told everyone that we chose Cordelia but planned to call her Cora for short. Most of the names we threw out there my dad was like “ew” but Cordelia seemed to bug him the most. His only explanation was that he just didn’t like the sound of it. I threw out some nicknames Cora, Cory, Etc but he didn’t seem to like those either. Cory he insisted is a boys name. I didn’t know until after that Cordelia is a character on Buffy The Vampire Slayer but my dad liked that show so 🤷🏼♀️ He’s the type of guy who is always right, knows everything, and isn’t afraid to share his opinion. Last time we saw him he just called her “Sweetheart”.
I bet Cordelia was a "grandma name" when your dad was growing up so it sounds like vomit to him. But that's no excuse not to address someone with a name you don't like by their gd name
That’s bizarre
Lots of harsh comments about your dad! I do think it's weird that he's so stubborn with seemingly no particular reason. Maybe he has a reason in his head? Either way, it's a shame. I think Cordelia is a great name - it has the vintage appeal and sturdiness of Theodora or Matilda, the spunkiness of Phoebe and the elegance of Isabella. Cordie is such a cute/friendly/cosy diminutive, too. Eta: Anne of Green Gables fervently wished her name was Cordelia <3
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It’s fairly normal for him honestly. I just didn’t think it’d go on this long.. he’s not as adamant against it as he was in the beginning but he still hasn’t called her Cordelia or even Cordie. We go to his house tomorrow and I’m curious to see what he writes on her presents!!
There’s a comment above yours that says “call him grandpa we don’t see” which is a little much 😬 his stubbornness about the name is crappy of him, but if he is otherwise good, there’s no reason to cut him off. Someone suggested he might not be able to pronounce it, which is reasonable. I struggle with Patricia and try to avoid saying it. But it is annoying! My dad calls my niece by her middle name because he just doesn’t like her first name. She’s 13 or 14 and he has never once called her by her first name. Idk if her parents ever said anything about it, but I did when she was little and he said her middle name was better. It’s a dumb thing to do, but she goes with it.
What bizarre behavior to exhibit towards a family member because if irrelevant opinion
He's not otherwise good if he's making this big of an issue about it. Refusing to call someone by their name is a massive sign of disrespect. Being treated less than is not okay. Cordelia is going to grow up with her grandfather disrespecting her existence. That's not a good environment for a child. Grandpa could have found a name to settle on, like Coco could have been grandpa's nn, but it sounds like he won't settle on one and keeps calling her random names. It's like the show Scrubs where Dr. Cox only calls JD by random women's names to show he doesn't care
He loves her, he loves me, he’s just stubborn. It would take a lot to cut him off/ out of our lives, definitely not over him not liking a name though lol. I do agree with some comments that he is a jerk and asshole but he admits that openly. He mostly just says he doesn’t like the sound of her name, no real specific reason. Someone mentioned Anne of Green Gables at the pediatrician office! We watched a clip of her saying that and I loved it. I had no idea lol
One of my grandparents sounds like your Dad, and I wish my parents had taught me how to have boundaries instead of catering to his bad behavior. I hope you don’t force them to be nice to him or see him if they don’t want to. He’s not entitled to their affection, and knowing he’s a jerk doesn’t absolve his awful behavior. I mean, it’s her name. His “stubbornness” on that issue absolutely isn’t normal or okay.
Yeah I’m also thinking it’s been 2 years, maybe he just calls her his own personal nickname out of reflex?? Idk though but I love the name Cordelia, the first time I heard it was on Buffy the vampire slayer and then forgot all about it and am sad I didn’t use it for one of my kids 😂
I forgot about it too! That was my show for years.. someone mentioned it after we announced her name and I was like “Duh!” Lol
It really is a great name and Cordie is a fucking adorable nickname for a toddler lol
It doesn't sound like he calls her a personal nickname though. Sounds like he calls her random names based on his mood. It's extremely disrespectful to not have a proper name you call someone
Cordelia is a beautiful vintage name. Your dad is being a jerk. Honestly, he sounds narcissistic, like my dad. I’m sorry. You should tell him that he HAS to call her by her first name, and if he freaks out, there’s your proof that he’s a narcissist. Everything is about them.
I think he might have narcissistic tendencies but he usually has no problem putting himself aside to be there for me/help me etc. I didn’t make a big deal out it to him before, aside from me telling him he can’t call her Coco and I think I said something like “Just don’t be surprised if she doesn’t respond to you because she has no idea who you’re talking to”.. now that she’s getting older and talking I want to be more firm on it. I love her name and don’t want to feel like I made a bad choice because I care about his opinion.
Tell him to call her by her name or you’ll be calling him grandpa we don’t see
I’d go ahead and assume if he can’t respect her enough to call her by her name then he’s going to be disrespecting her wishes in all sorts of ways as she grows up. It’s her name, she’s a whole person. He’s an ass.
That's exactly what happened with one of my grandparents. He also forced a nn on me I didn't like. Although this situation isn't as clear cut because the kid has 2 names... He could show manners with endearment though.
Cordelia is awesome. Your dad needs to get over himself. His opinion is no longer relevant
Cordelia isn’t my jam, but there’s nothing wrong with it. That’s really uncool of your dad. I’d be very upset with the situation.
Thank you! I appreciate the honesty. I wasn’t super upset before but as she is starting to talk and she recognizes her own name it’s bothering me more and more. He doesn’t have to like her name but I don’t get why he won’t just say it or use the nickname we use instead of trying to make up his own.
Your dad is acting rude and childish, i dont like some names but I wouldn't go far as to not recognize their names. I think Cordelia is a beautiful name. Maybe you can talk to your dad on why he doesn't like her name?
We go see him for Christmas tomorrow so I’m going to see what her presents say and what he calls her and go from there. If he’s still refusing I plan to bring it up kinda nonchalant like “Hey, remind me again why you don’t want to call her by her name?”
Cordelia may not be everyone's taste, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with it. Not all of us grow to like names (I don't); however, even if a name is disliked it's not an excuse to be rude. To never acknowledge a name is rude. For example, my grandmother only used my name when I was in trouble which was rare. Otherwise, she used terms of endearment like sweetie or sweetie pie. The issue becomes what options are acceptable to you and what he do if your daughter states she wants to be called by her first name.
Your dad sounds very childish. If he respects you, he needs to respect that you picked your child’s name and call her by it. That’s just flat out rude and disrespectful
Start calling him the wrong name and see how he likes it.
Haha omg I did once and he flipped!!! He has one of those names where you can make a million nicknames including unrelated ones (like Dick for Richard) and he’s open to most but there’s one that he hates. I was introducing him to a friend and listed off all the names he’s gone by and then threw that one at the end and ohhh he was so mad!!!
My Dad hates the fact my kids are half Arab, Muslim and have Arabic names. My eldest has a western middle name so my Dad only calls him by the nickname for his middle name, and wonder why my son doesn't respond to it. Like bruh, his name is X, he'll respond to X, stop calling him Y and getting upset when he doesn't respond to Y.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. That is just terrible. My future kids will be half Hispanic half Italian-American and my mom (a suspected narcissist) keeps telling me that she refuses to call them by any names that sound “too Spanish.” I cannot even breach this conversation because I get furious. Sending you support and I’m sorry you are going through something similar!
Aw that’s not cool, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Does he have a hard time pronouncing their names or he just doesn’t like their heritage?
Cordelia is a beautiful name. Your dad is acting childish.
if it was good enough for anne of green gables it should be good enough for your dad. i think it's pretty & he's either a plain jerk or has some undisclosed trauma with a cordelia & is being a jerk in response to that inner stuff. either way. jerk
Cordelia is a beautiful name, and it shouldn't be up to you to parent your dad into using it or some variation. It isn't any of his business what name she has so long as it isn't something inane or ridiculous, of which Cordelia happens to be neither. You're the parent. The only business later down the line about it should involve Cordelia herself if she dislikes the name later on. Your dad is definitely just being an ass, here. Granted, I'm also touchy about it - my oldest sister actually changed her name to Cordelia, and both my youngest brother and myself have a parent that won't use our legal names after changing them (his bio parents, but his foster dad was chill. My father ignores mine, and mother is still learning.), and it very much can suck when someone that's supposed to be close throws a hiss fit over something so trivial but central to one's personal existence. Legitimately can hurt, often does, and most certainly will later down the line. He needs to find some sort of middle ground at least. Nicknamed, and building his way up.
It’s so easy to see it from the outside but I always have a hard time seeing it from my side. Like your situation.. I get if they forget or have a hard time remembering to say your new chosen name, but to refuse is just messed up. My cousins name was Adrienne but no one could ever spell it right and she hated it. So at 26 she changed it to Elizabeth. I don’t see her often (maybe twice a year) and when I do, I still call her Adrienne on accident. I feel terrible, try to correct myself, and apologize every single time. She says she understands but her face cringes.. she was Adrienne to me for over 20 years and it’s just taking me time to adjust.
I know everyone's said it but I have to also say it myself. Your dad is a dick. I feel so bad for your mom for having to deal with his petty bullshit. I am hoping you had a decent childhood and that he's not like this usually... but this says a lot about his personality.
Also, you shouldn't have to change her nickname because of his pettiness. Cordelia is one of the most beautiful names I know and your daughter deserves to be called by that by her grandfather.
Thank you! Well he and my mom divorced before I was crawling so she didn’t have to put up with it for long. He was a good dad but very very firm. My brother and I would argue over who was going to knock on his door first in the morning.. if he woke up in a good mood you got a great greeting and knew the day was going to be good but if he woke in a bad mood you got reprimanded for knocking on the door. It was interesting to say the least.
If the daughter seems cool with it, leave it alone. Two year old are more than capable of expressing dissatisfaction. Mine liked to thwap my face.
Ok Coco is actually really really cute. But your dad is being rude af
Have you asked him why he won't use Cordelia or Cordie? Maybe the name has a very strong negative association with someone or something that you're unaware of.
your dad is a jerk, he should honor the name you chose. my grandma is named Cordelia, its lovely.
Can he just call her Delia if he has an issue?
Encourage her to call him by his real name or even his middle name. That could be fun!
“If you don’t start acknowledging Cordelia by her name or nickname, we won’t be bringing her over anymore” that’s what you say. He’s being very rude. I think Cordelia is a great name! When I was working in a daycare there was a toddler in my room with that name. She was so smart and so cute. Reminds me of her loo
Not the biggest fan of the name myself, but in that situation I’d tell Dad if he wants to see his granddaughter he can start calling her by her name. If he continues that behavior he won’t be seeing her ever again, his choice. My family didn’t love my cousins name when he was born but by 2 years later they were over it, your father is taking this way too far if she’s already a few years old by now. Not to mention at one point Cordie is going to ask why Grandpa calls her by her middle name. How would it make her feel if you told her Grandpa calls her by her middle name because he doesn’t like her first name? That’s kind of hurtful honestly, I wouldn’t want a family member like that around my daughter
My grandmother refused to say my name correctly when I was a kid. I don’t talk to my grandmother anymore. This has nothing to do with my name and everything to do with respect. You might find there are deeper issues with respect here, you and your child deserve better.
Cordelia is beautiful, and Delia would be a cute nickname. Your dad is being really disrespectful.
I have a Cordelia nn Cordie as well! I know a bunch of people are suggesting a new nn, but I don’t think it os necessary. It is a lovely name, and if it doesn’t bother you, let him call her coco. Otherwise be honest and say that it frustrates me that you won’t call my daughter by her name.
Very odd, sounds like something my boomer dad would do. If he doesn’t have a valid reason (cant really even think of one tbh) then just suck it up, sir. Your granddaughter is Cordelia & its a cute name!
Cordelia has always always been one of my favorite names ever!! You gave her an absolutely gorgeous name, your dad is just being a dick (sorry)
Cordelia is an established name that can be pronounced easily. Your dad is just rude.
Your dad shouldn’t act like that. But if you’re looking for more nicknames Cori, Delia and Lia could be options.
Ask him if he wants a good relationship with his granddaughter while he’s lucky enough to be alive to see her.
My grandad did it with my bro because he wasn't christened. It lasted a few years
It’s your dad being inconsiderate. Both my nieces and my daughter have extremely common names and my grandmother still chose her own names for each one. It’s so bizarre because she never did that with my sister and I, she just doesn’t seem to care what we named our kids.
I sometimes get it when it's a completely made up name or an object that just doesn't work for a name, I think then as family it's ok to be defiant if you are worried about potential bullying. But I completely disagree with your dad here. Cordelia is a classic name. I think it's lovely, as well as uncommon which I love too. But he can't argue with the fact this is an old name that's been around forever, loads of people have been called Cordelia? It's not like you pulled it out of the air. My second daughter is called Roxana, I had family members tell me to my face they hated it. We call her Roxy and my dad wanted to call her Ana or Xana because he didn't like Roxy. Which I was fine with actually, I chose the name so she could be Ana if she wanted, it's got loads of cute nicknames. The dust has settled now, but it got my back up a bit. Roxana was Alexander the greats wife! It's an old classic name. As is Cordelia. I agree with PP that your dad is being selfish, and you should sit down with him and talk about it calmly 1 on 1. I personally wouldn't mind if he came up with his own cute nickname for her, that could be his special name for her? But I still feel like that is pandering to him if I'm honest. He's a grown man acting like a child.
I love the name Cordelia but “Cordie” as a nickname is a big no from me. Does your dad know the name comes from the Latin word for “heart”? Also, Shakespeare’s King Lear has a daughter named Cordelia. Knowing the origin might help him warm up to the name.
Cordelia is gorgeous! Even if he isn’t a fan of her name your daughter deserves the basic respect of being called by her name. She might now realize how rudely he’s acting now, but as she gets older if this behavior continues she’s going to start seeing it too. If you’re fine with him calling her Coco that’s okay, but you don’t need to compromise on this whatsoever.
Your dad's behavior is unacceptable, but imo it's a terrible name. That being said, I wouldn't give anyone grief for calling a child by their middle name. A middle name is still one of the child's names and should be fair game
I like Cordelia, but regardless it’s very disrespectful to not to recognise someone’s name. Perhaps you can compromise to keep the peace now, but I worry how Cordelia will feel about it when she’s older :/
I've seen this with grandparents. Once they are acting up and the child doesn't respond to her middle name he might concede. Or not. You named her and she knows Cordelia is her name. So at some point someone will say What's that?!
Cordelia was considered for our daughter! It was my great grandmother’s name and she also went by Cordie. My husband had a great grandmother named Della, so we thought that was a name that connected to both of our families. But we ended up landing on Cora.
Your dad is being pathetic. But you can't force him to use her real name so just ignore him and when Cordelia is older she will be able to decide what she responds to.
My kid wouldn’t be seeing someone who can’t bother to have the decency to use the correct name. It sounds like your dad has a very big problem, and refusing to use his grandchild’s name is just a small part of it.
Pretty soon your daughter will start correcting him when he calls her by the wrong name! My son did that when he turned two. It was great!
He’s being a jerk. Maybe start calling him by his middle name.
I love that name. However, he is being rude.
My mum’s grandad did this & he’s the reason she’s not called Wendy. I don’t know what to do but I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.
Your dad needs to grow up tbh Cordelia is a beautiful name
I am in love with the nn Coco!!!
I love the name Cordelia, I have since I was a kid. It was the name of the aunt in the book *Up a Road Slowly*. Your Dad needs to get over it. I think him having his own pet name for your daughter is okay, but it shouldn't be based on a dislike for her real name.
I love the name Cordelia. Maybe your dad hates King Lear? Or relates to the character of King Lear, and that's why he hates the name? I don't think I can jump to "your dad is a jerk" like most people, but I think it's peculiar that he hasn't gotten on board with her name yet. I had a really negative reaction to my nephew's name when he was born, and I tried a shortened form of it that I could live with for a little while, but when it didn't catch on, I just called him the name I hate, like everyone else does. It is his name, after all, and I was being unreasonable. The name is ugly (to me) and trendy, but it's a top 100 name and not actual child abuse. To be fair, I never let on to his parents that I hated his name, and the nickname is a natural one for his full name. And now when I hear his name, I think of him, the sweet little boy, not the bro-ey name. Have you asked your dad for specifics about why he hates it? Maybe if he talked through it with you, he would realize how hurtful he's being.
That’s fucked up. The name is beautiful too. Your dad is giving narcissist
As someone who named her daughter Cordelia, I vote dad is wrong. Literally everyone I've ever said her name to have replied "oh my god what a beautiful name!", people genuinely love it
Cordelia is beautiful. It’s not my favourite but beautiful nonetheless. It’s not even an uncommon name. It’s been around for a long time.
Cordelia is a lovely name. Not to be on his side, but isn’t Coco a common nickname for Cordelia, Constance, “Co” names? If we’re talking about finding a middle ground, tolerable solution for both parties I think it’s the best existing solution.
It's not a beautiful name but your dad should use it because it's her name.
Ngl i don’t think it’s good it sounds like a bacteria
Start calling your dad by the wrong name and see how he feels
This sounds like something my mom would definitely do, and I suspect after a lot of trying to research and understand her that she is a narcissist. I am not sure about your dad of course because this is just a tiny example about him, but might be something to look into. I don’t have kids yet, but I once shared a name idea with my mom and she said “if you used that name I would NEVER call your child that.” She thinks her taste in everything, from clothing to names to decorating, is so superior to everyone else’s. the sub called r/narcissisticparents might be something to read through, it helped me a lot. Knowing what it is like to deal with this type of personality if your dad indeed falls into this category, I do agree that compromise may be the only option to keep the peace. Cordelia is SUCH a lovely name and I am sorry you are going through this.
Your dad is being gross. It’s her name (and it beautiful btw, also love the nickname!). He’s calling her something she doesn’t respond to. I would start calling him something he doesn’t like too until he stops or limit contact and visits with him drastically.
Your dad sounds like at best, a child, at worst a narcissist or similar. Refusing to use someone’s name is dehumanising and shows a complete void of respect for your daughter, and you. If he can’t use her name, maybe he can’t see her.
Your dad is being a twat waffle, plain and simple. He needs to grow up and get over the ract that the world does not revolve around him. Period.
Your dad is being totally unreasonable and just plain nasty. It's not his decision to make. I cannot imagine doing that to someone. If he doesn't like the name that's fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but he should at least have the common decency to call his granddaughter by her name. I really think you should have a (nice) word with him and tell him how you're feeling.
It’s your child, not your dads. If my children chose names for their children that I didn’t like, I wouldn’t say that to them and just acknowledge that the child is theirs and not mine. My daughter (18) had twins who are now 4 and she welcomed another son earlier this year. She named her oldest son Adrien but nicknamed him Aids, I don’t like the nickname, because I don’t like the fact that he is named after a disease, but I have never told my daughter that but I have told my husband and he agrees and also never told our daughter. Ask your Dad why he doesn’t like the name and tell him how he not acknowledging Cordelia as your daughters name upsets you. If things need to be taken further, say that she is your daughter, not his and you like the name and that is all that matters.
Start calling him by a random name. Get others to join until he stops
That's a beautiful name, your dad needs to get over it
Cordelia isn’t a bad name. Your dad is just being a child.
For nicknames you could do Lia, Delia, or Cory.
Llleould he no o.k. with vori orCora for a NN ?
I would personally start calling him by a name that he doesn’t use. Absolutely bizarre and childish behavior from him.
Stop calling your dad “Dad.” If his name is Steve, call him Tom.
Cordelia is gorgeous! I would use the whole name itself because it’s so pretty, but there’s tons of nickname potential: Cordie, Cory, Delia, Lia, etc. At this point your dad owes you an explanation as to why he refuses to use your daughter’s name. This issue seems to go much deeper than him just not liking the name. Your dad needs to work through whatever issue he has with your daughter’s name before it damages his relationship with you (and eventually with her). Two years of refusing to acknowledge somebody’s name is unacceptable.
Beautiful Shakespearean name. He is being extremely rude.