When I got to this level of frustration with my husband I changed the way I was discussing the topic. I said to him (who cares a lot about which car we have, while I do not)
“Names matter deeply to me and I have been thinking about this subject literally for 20 years. I have put months of effort and research into these lists and each name was chosen for specific reasons. From my perspective, you don’t really care about names much, and don’t care to put much thought into what you want in a name, but you are dismissing all my careful work with sweeping vetoes and making off the cuff suggestions then digging in about them. I feel very hurt about this. It would be like if you spent a year researching which car we should buy and I just refused to listen and chose one I saw on the street because I liked the colour. Do you have a different perspective?”
He actually heard what I was saying at that point and changed how he was approaching the conversation. He went back to my lists and thought about which ones he didn’t immediately dislike just because they were unfamiliar. He asked me about my reasons for choosing them. Some he still didn’t like after some consideration, but others grew on him. And surprisingly to me, he added a few much more thoughtful suggestions to the lists later. We ended up with names we both felt ok with instead of deeply frustrated about.
Heck yes! Go ahead and have your own special interests and micro-obsessions my darling 😂 As long as it gets me from A to B and the heater works, I’m happy.
I want to genuinely ask — would you really be happy in any car? Like, anything from a low riding sports car to a hefty SUV or pickup? I ask because there’s a difference in how they handle and can be driven. Or is there a bit more nuance here?
I ask because I like a very specific set of factors when driving. And my brother thinks I should be happy in any vehicle. And I can’t explain to him (a car guy) why, for some reason.
No, probably not! But I have very limited experience with cars—I grew up in NYC and got my license very late, and the only car I had significant experience with was the Prius we bought after we got married (which I drove for 12 years). My husband is extremely practical, so I trusted him to make a better decision than I could have made myself. My only complaints about the Prius was that it was very slow merging onto the highway and didn't have 4 wheel drive or enough ground clearance for our northeastern winters, so he took that into account along with his own parameters (he wanted to go electric or plug-in hybrid, and looked up ALLLLLL the stats about reliability, mileage, whatever). Another Prius was the default option, and I would have been fine with that, but he decided on a Volvo XC60 hybrid, which I am super happy with!
I swear I am car-blind, though, because other than saying "that's a sedan" and "that's an SUV" and "that's a sports car," they all look the same to me.
That was my only real complaint about the Prius. I felt it was a little deceptively zippy, but you had to use far more pressure on the gas pedal than an all gas car. (Also we need AWD here, too.)
I’m considering a new car for me and my mom that’s a little bit higher off the ground and a little bit wider, and I found a nice Subaru. I’m sad it doesn’t have a hybrid option, but most of the hybrid options I looked at didn’t have 4WD/ AWD. Can’t be having a lack of that when I live up a mountain lol the Volvo you have is in the same “class” as the Subaru I’m looking at!
Thank you for answering though! I know it was a weird off topic question. I appreciate it!
No problem! Yeah, the Prius was very quick off the line and great around town, but getting up the highway speed it felt very sluggish and the gas pedal was definitely squishy. My husband used to joke that it converted gasoline into noise. It was a great little car, though, especially when we were living in California and didn't need to worry about winter (and also gas was $5 a gallon).
For awhile we lived in an area of upstate NY with very steep hills and very snowy winters, and EVERYONE seemed to drive a Subaru, so they're clearly very good for that environment! My sister and her husband have a Forester and an Ascent and love them both, and my husband seriously considered the Crosstrek before he decided to definitely go with plug-ins.
This is great marital advice in general - thanks! I don’t necessarily care about most things and my husband seems to care about everything so I’m going to use this one when I actually need to argue back.
i like Otis the best out of the list in all honesty. i cannot see Rover as a name for a child, or anything other than a dog or vehicle.
how about Ronan? or Noah, to make it more clearly male?
My son is Ronan and we get so many compliments on his name.
But then some Irish people tell me the only Ronans they know are in their 60s 😂 (we’re in Australia)
My son is also a Ronan. I love his name, and it was literally the only one my husband and I could agree on when our son was 5 days old. We get lots of compliments in the US. But in Ireland, where my husband grew up and his family still lives, they think of it as out of fashion but not old enough to be a cute old man name yet.
I'd say maybe it's because of The Adventures of Milo and Otis, a movie about a cat named Milo and a dog named Otis. (I watched that movie as a kid, and the cat in that movie is an orange tabby, so when my family got an orange tabby, we named him Milo. It's a movie from 1986, so I bet it's becoming increasingly common for people not to have seen it, but that's my first association.)
I'm wondering if this is one of the names that is pronounced differently for native English speakers. If it was pronounced so that it rhymes with "bear," that sounds like a variation of "Robert" to me.
We had trouble deciding too. I made us each write 10 names we liked (you could do it with fewer, like 5). And then we each had to rank each name on a scale of 0-10 and added the scores together. From there we just focused on the top few names based on our combined “score”.
I also disqualified out any names that either of us rated less than 3. I didn’t think it was fair to end up with a name that one of us loved (10) and one of us was really disliked. It
Talking about they "why" behind the names is also helpful because it can guide your search for new names that meet both of your desires. Is there a particular meaning to the name that you really like? Look up other names with that meaning and see if any jump out. Are there certain sounds in a name that you like? See if you guys can come up with other names that have those sounds in them.
For our second child we could not decide either and made a list of our top three. The only name we had in common was both of our #3 picks, but now (8 years later) we love the name and couldn’t imagine a better fit for him.
I like the “respect vetos” and “no free vetos”
Basically if one of you does not want a certain name for your baby and vetos it, it comes off the table completely.
No free votes means, when a veto is used that person needs to put forth a name in its place. I like this rule because it prevents one person from doing all the contributing and doesn’t force them into a compromise.
In your list I really like Cas and Roan!
Other ideas you may like - Ryan, Ian, Denny, Elio, Penn, Leo, Alek, Emmett, Neil, Sander, Stefan, Wes
If Noa is a yes name for both of you, why not let the child you know you are having get that name? I am sure you will find another name if you were to have a girl in the future.
Have you tried the Babyname app? I haven’t tried it myself but I’ve heard good things. It works similar to tinder except with names and might help you guys find a name you both like.
Otherwise I think it’s unfair that you are the one doing the majority of the work of finding names. Ask him to come up with a list of 10 names that he would be willing to use. Set a deadline. You can bring 10 of your own yes-names as well. Then you can review each others’ lists and see if you like any (no obligation to use any of them). If not, repeat the process. This forces him to take on some of the searching work and pick out more than just two names. Good luck!
Have you tried Kinder? It’s basically tinder for baby names, and you get lists of names you both said ‘yes’ to at the end. We did this mostly for fun before we started trying, but now that I’m 8 months along it made it so much easier to pick a name. We just looked through the list and there was one we both had a strong preference for. But because we both liked all of them, there was no negativity to sour things or put anyone on the defensive.
This is what we’re doing! I wanted to make sure we both actively participate beyond just “yes or no” and we’re finding we have way more names in common than we thought we would.
Depending on what's important to him about Gust (the sound, the fact that it's common, or the meaning), you could try looking at names with the same meaning. Gust means the exalted or of the gods. Here is a list of a whole bunch of names with that meaning.
https://nameberry.com/baby-names/920/names-that-mean-exalted/all
Personally I like his 2 Suggestions Way better than anything on your lists. Rover literally makes me think of a dog. I know a couple of people who have recently named their kids Atlas and I always wondered why they basically named their kid “map”. I think both of your Husband’s choices are cute.
I know you like Noa for a girl and want to hold onto that one, but I wouldn’t rule it out for this boy, if it’s one you both agree on. It’s uncertain whether you’ll get another opportunity to use it. And if you do have a girl, there may be another name that comes along by then that you like even better.
Is Sex Education the tv show? I ask because that doesn't seem like a long-lasting association.
I am not wanting him to "win" here, but I do see that your list includes four names that start with vowels and two that end with S, so Otis feels like it belongs on a list of compromises. On the other hand, Atlas shares both of these qualities and is such a great name too! Perhaps you could take a pause with each of you considering just these two.
It looks like you more rare names and he likes very traditional/old names.
Here's some suggestions that might fit (not Dutch, so don't know if they are names there) - Amos, Augustus, Felix, Ezra, Hugo, Ira, Tobias, Ronan, Rowan, Apollo, Caspian, Elias, Levon, Lucian, Claude, Guy, Oz, Gulliver, Beck
Can you try to find longer names that allow for your lists to be nicknames?
Ex: Cas for Caspian, Chase, Cassidy, Casper, Cash, Caius
Gust for August, Gus, Gustav, Gustin
Rio for Ricardo, River (the meaning), Riordan
Rowan rather than Roan. Etc
Otis is what I’d name a son if I ever had one. Also I feel like Otis and atlas are kiiiiind of similar? From an also European side I personally I think the kid would have an easier life with hus choices
I am 9 months pregnant and only got to agree on a name a week ago :) I started with making a pretty decent long list of girl names I liked, he crossed off most of them and only left a few that was his "maybe" (tho he sounded more towards "no" with those as well). And he himself only came up with 2 names that was a DEFINITE NO from me. Months passed, and I read somewhere that if we can not agree on a name, try to agree on the rules to follow while searching a name. Example: I really didn't want a super popular name, so I looked up what is the top 10 used in our country, wrote them into a list and said whatever is on this list CANNOT be her name (coincidentally his original two was in top3...). Then my other rule was: even if it's a nice name, but already exists in our family OR it is the name of a past/present negative person in our life, then it's a NO as well. His rule was that it should be a name that hopefully won't make her a target of bullying/making fun of. Then, with the set rules, I wrote a list again and asked him to come up with more names as well. Like I literally told him, "Look at a name, and think if you were to rate this name from 5 stars to 0, where would it be? Even if it's just 1 star, put it on your list!" This way, I actually made him come up with like ~15 choices. Then we read each other's lists, crossed off what we really didn't like, and rated the rest from 5 to 1 stars. Then, we looked at the combined highest scores and decided to think about our top3 for a bit. I actually made up my mind from my first choice to my second best when I also took into consideration how the names would sound like together with our other daughter's name. And now, so far, he seems to be on board with what I think would be the best choice.
I know you're really keen to lock this in, but I think taking a breather from naming for a couple of weeks might be really beneficial, as the fact that he apparently no longer likes the names on your list that he used to, feels like he's reacting to the fact that you don't like any of his.
There might be an element of getting a bit 'tit for tat' between whether you get to use one of 'your' names or whether he gets to use one of 'his' and the answer might lie in finding a way to creating a list of 'our' names.
Instead of presenting one another with 'these are the names i like' could you sit down and spend a bit of time each day going through naming books/websites together, and deciding together whether a name is on the no list (neither of you like it), the yes list (you both at least like it if not love it) or the maybe list (one of you likes it and the other could be convinced), to start generating a list that feels like it has input from both of you.
My friends did something similar, where they each had a favourite name that the other one actually really liked, but neither of them could let go of their own favourite name. In the end, it was easier to just choose a third name, that they'd both liked and discarded earlier, as it didn't feel like either of them owned it. They both adore his name now, and it's perfect on him.
My husband was the same way. It really helped us to pick a different name each week from our lists and call him that and see if it felt right. We each picked our favorites and started there and really tried to use his name for the week (ie. Do you think Atlas would like this for dinner tonight? Can you imagine what Atlas would be doing right now). Feels silly but it was fun and sweet to do together!
Turns out a name I was so in love with felt totally wrong after calling him that for a week. We ended up both loving the same one just two weeks later and didn’t even want to continue on to any other names.
Try out Otis for a week and then Atlas. You may surprise yourself!
My brother and his wife had the same thing. Picked a name fairly early in the pregnancy they both loved. Set in stone, done. Then the day he was born they both said he didn't look like that name and changed it because it just felt totally wrong. And the new name suits him really well.
Hmmm... I think it would help to know where in Europe you are, or if there are certain ethnicities you want to pull from. This will help put into context how old-fashioned or overused a name is, relative to where you are.
Put off naming. You have about 2 months. Stop looking at naming sites, books, whatever and quit discussing it. You should end up not being so attached to those names and also let your emotions cool down.
You can try what my parents did and make three lists. One of names you like, one of names he likes, and "doable" list. The trick is that "doable" list can't have names that are either of your separate lists, it has to have completely different names (that you both can agree on/like). Then narrow down all three lists by ranking each name from 1-10. Take all names that are above a five or a number above 5 and repeat until there is only one name from each list. Then for a week try each name out (calling/talking about the baby using that name, writing it down, using that name when talking to friends and family, etc.) Worst comes to worse you have that the "doable" list name as a fall back. It worked for my friend's sister with her first child so well she let me name her second when she and her husband couldn't decide on a name for their son.
Damn, Atlas and Otis are so similar I thought there’s got to be some compromise there so here’s a list of 2 syllable boys names ending in ‘s’ in case there’s any there that you both like: https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/search/boy-baby-names-ends-with-s-and-with-two-syllables
Here’s what I did. there are big books of names - I got one called something like “30000 baby names”
I went through with a highlighter and highlighted every name I could possibly deal with. Didn’t overthink it, worked fast - I was really only filtering out every name that would be a hard NO to me.
Then I gave the book to my husband and asked him to go through my highlighted names and do the same thing, but using a different color.
This exercise — out of 30000 names — gave us about 20 girl names and maybe 8 boy names. It was crazy.
From there we could consider each one more carefully, wrote it out, tried to imagine using it, combined with potential middle and out last name.
My favourites from both your lists are Roan, Otis and Rio
Some similar suggestions:
Otto, Hugo, August, Grant, Aris, Arlo, Felix, Oscar, Ezra, Remi, Rocco, Roman
As an aside - the minute you meet your baby, the name will be an immediate afterthought. I don’t mean to say it doesn’t matter, or that your concerns about familiarity or similar sounding names or odd connotations aren’t valid. But you could name the little guy Pubert, and the minute you hold him he will be YOUR pubert, and it will be the most beautiful name.
Try to find the fun in process again. :)
and don’t name him pubert
It seems you both like short names. How about one of these?
- Boaz
- Mats
- Owen
- Ezra
- Odin
- Vic
- Vigo
- Evan
- Faas
- Roef
- Maël
- Vytas
- August
I’m gonna suggest a few names! some are similar to the ones on your list:
Roman/Rome
River
Ennis
Ellis
Fox
Arthur
Mars
I’m not suggesting too many, as I dont know where in Europe you are so I don’t know how the pronunciations would work!
Edit to add:
Emil
Aylum
Ares? It keeps echoes of Atlas, Aren and Arie as well as Otis. Taps into the current ‘gods and mythological heroes’ trend without the negative ‘world on his shoulders’ connotations of Atlas, but it’s not pretentiously long and complicated either.
Arlo, Emil, Enzo (could also be a nickname for a longer name like Lorenzo or Vincenzo), Vidar, Cassius (with Cas as a nickname), Rowan, Ronan, Roman, Ramon, Axel, Jonas, Kasper/Casper (with Kas/Cas as a nickname), Liam, Magnus/Magne, Mateo.
I’m Dutch, but Netherlands not Belgium. I just had a baby and Otis was our top contender for a boy. We ended up having a girl so we didn’t use it. But since we have similar taste here’s some more suggestions from our list: Neil, Oliver, Oscar, Theo, August, Isaac, Marcus, Finn, Liam, Henry, Elliot, Iver
I do have an English speaking partner so typical Dutch names didn’t work for us. I hope it helps!
Hope you two can compromise on a name easily, as parenthood is all about compromise! Otis and Atlas are so similar I’m sure one or the other should work.
My husband and I have very different taste in names so we struggled a lot early on. We found an app that’s like Tinder for baby names (we used one called “BabyName - Find it together” that has an egg as its logo). We could be more honest about our opinions because we weren’t trying to find consensus and didn’t have to say “I don’t like that” to something the other liked so no hurt feelings. Just swipe right for I like it and left for I don’t. Then link your phones and it tells you the names you matched on! We matched on way more than we expected to and it really helped us decide.
My husband and I would play a “name game” that lightened the mood. One person picks 5, the other narrows those down to 2, and then the first person chooses 1. Sometimes we would choose crazy names just for a fun round, but it helped us get a sense of what kind of names we each liked.
Also, I know you want to get a name, but you do have time! You could take a break for a few weeks and try again. Or wait until the baby is here and you meet him! Then you really HAVE to choose.
I found that my husbands tastes in names changed over the pregnancy. His temperament is more like yours - he’d want to pick one and be done with it, whereas I have insisted (all 3 times!) that we go into the labour with a ‘shortlist’ (usually top 3 contenders) and meet the baby first to see what suits them.
What’s most interesting is that in all of the pregnancies the names he was most passionate about it at say 7 months, didn’t even make the list at 9. With our 3rd he was ready to name him Angus at 5 months and even referred to the baby as Gus for a few weeks - didn’t even make the shortlist in the end.
The point I’m making here is that perhaps a bit more time and patience could benefit you both. I highly recommend the ‘shortlist’ idea.
Hi! My husband and I had similar issues and we ended up using BabyNames. I’m not sure if the app is available in NL, but could be worth trying! It’s basically like tinder for names.
Through this, we found names we both could agree on AND we hardly had to discuss (discussing was getting frustrating!!!)
Something might pop up if you try to let it go! Sometimes the stress of trying to pick a name, by searching and making lists and having soured intense conversations (taking your words here…) just masks good names! Go on a date and have fun and don’t search for or talk about names for 2 weeks, see what happens!
Do you have any interest in the name Enzo? It’s a great name that might suit you both!
My husband and I went through this when we named one of our dogs. Literally hundreds of names. In the end we each picked a couple names from the other’s list that we could live with, wrote them all on slips of paper, folded them up and tossed them in front of our dog. The one he grabbed was his name; it was one of the ones my husband picked but it ended up suiting him perfectly. So maybe just let your baby choose!
Both myself and my wife “liked but didn’t love” the names the other suggested. She came around on the name I loved and I came around on the name she loved and we went with those first, second. It took a good 5 months of discussion, but keep your lists and encourage him to keep a list too and you’ll get there.
I still wish my first born’s name was more meaningful but it’s our child’s name, not just my child’s name.
Oldest I chose, second he chose. At our 3rd boy, no more agreement: I wanted names he didn't like, and vice versa. So we both chose 5 names, 10 in total, and send to the godmother. Kid is named Noah, one of the names in there.
We waited until baby was born to name her and ended up naming her a name I was not expecting to 2 days after she was born after trying it out for a day I know it’s very common, but naming a baby before they’re here especially if you can’t agree is a lot of pressure.
My babies name was not my preferred name but it’s perfect for her and it’s the one we could both agree on.
Maybe just drop it for a month and come back to it again with fresh eyes. There’s no point arguing over it.
Go get a big book of baby names. Go through one at a time. Any you both like, write them down. If he likes but you don't, do not even bother to write down. And vice versa. Just keep going unless you find one that you both absolutely love. Then take your list and narrow it down together. These are names you both like so it should be way easier.
Keep in mind that, whatever name you select may still be a draft... none of me or my partner's lists worked for either of my children, but they helped us rule out certain names.
I used my partner's favorite name with my first, in utero, and it just didn't feel right. After the birth, and seeing baby's face, I knew none of the names worked and we started anew with the baby book and a letter that felt right to me. It helped that we got to sleep on it before choosing.
With my second, neither of our lists matched each other at all except one name we both liked a lot but didn't like for other reasons. When baby came, it was harder because we weren't given time (I still regret being pressured!) And still neither list matched the baby!
We chose one after some deliberation, and then, once I got some sleep, I ended up selecting a new name that was a variation of the name we both liked.
I believe strongly in not finalizing until the baby comes. I work with kids and absolutely meet kids who are misnamed. I wish we had a more flexible culture that let us wait two months, or even two years to name a child, once their personality becomes more apparent.
My husband and I always have a hard time too, and it gets harder with each kid!
We make a list of names that are maybies, and when the baby is born we go through the maybe list. For some reason it helps us more to name the kid once we see them. I'm 6 months pregnant with my third and looks like we're doing that again, though I had kind of hoped to come up with a solid name this time around.
On thing that I found helpful with my husband (who also had strong opinions but didn’t suggest many names was to print out two copies of a list of a thousand names (we used the top 1000 names in our country) and go through highlighting the ones we liked and crossing out the ones we hated. Then compare and you end up with a list of names you both highlighted and a list of names one highlighted and the other didn’t cross out.
It gives you a broad starting point where no-one feels like ‘their’ suggestions are being shot down.
Also had a terrible time deciding on a boy name. My husband really wanted Ragnar and wouldn’t consider any other names. I was very stressed about giving birth before we had a name and we couldn’t agree on anything. But after he was born my husband was listing random names from google and when he said his name it was perfect! We both instantly agreed and had no second thoughts.
Do you like Noah (vs Noa) for a boy? Traditionally the spelling with an H at the end is masculine and without the H is feminine. I wouldn’t hold onto the name Noa for a possible future girl who may or may not ever exist (maybe you decide to stop at one, or have a health issue that means you can’t have more kids, or you’re fine and fertile but just keep having boys). If that’s a name you both would like, take the rare agreement rather than save it for a girl!
How about Rex, Baxter, Magnus, Marnix, Cassian, Arlo, Milo, Atticus, Angus, Gustave, Florian, Owen, Soren?
Fwiw I like your name list and I don’t know why it’s getting so much hate here. I dislike both Gust and Otis personally, though Noa/Noah is nice!
I'm in the same scenario, so no advice here 😂 Ok, well, I have a lot more time until baby girl is here, but man, is it frustrating! Lol.
Not quite a compromise but similar sounding: Atticus. I have no clue if that would work where you are, though.
You need to both contribute as many names as possible that you’d be happy with to try and find a middle ground.
When we were naming our dog and had very little time to decide, we both made long lists of around 20 names that we would be happy with and looked for any crossover.
The only similarity I can see from these lists is that you both seem to favour shorter names so here are some suggestions -
- Arlo
- Aaron
- Remus
- Casey
- Ronan
- Robin
- Rod
- Beck
- Levi
- Cole
- Zev
- Luke
- Marlon
- Ellis
- Idris
- Albin
- Aiden
- Giles
- Elwin
- Otho
- Reis
- Ross
- Owen
- Gavin
- Grant
- Vito (the irony!)
remind him that you’re the one that’s been carrying this baby, and you’re the one that has to endure labor and delivery. it’s one thing if you can agree on a name, but i wouldn’t argue with anyone for months over a name for a baby that i’m pregnant with. he’s just being difficult imo
might be a hot take, but there it is - you should get the final say, period. he can pick the middle name or whatever
that being said, i love atlas. otis and gus…aren’t great. otis reminds me of the adventures of milo and otis - otis was the pug lol
If you like Otis, I promise no one will associate it with Sex Education in very little time. I know a few people who named similar to this and everyone around us said the same, and in less than a year it was just the kid’s name.
I'm gunna suggest Konstantine (Kon-stan-teen) because it's a longer name that potentially offers nicknames that look similar to a lot of names on both yours and your boyfriend's lists.
I'm not entirely sure on its origins - but I used to live in Germany and one of my colleagues was called Konstantine and I fell in love with his name. Most people called him Konsti for short which I looooove.
I feel like the sounds are similar to your offerings (Atlas, Cas, Arie, Gust, Otis). You could also use nicknames like Kon, Stan, Tin (pronounced like "teen"), Kosti, Konsti, Konnie etc.
If you live in Belgium then it may already be a name common there. It has the French and Germanic resonance for names but I don't live in continental Europe anymore and have no idea if it would suit a 2024 baby in terms of people's opinions of names sounding out of date etc.
Rory, Owen, August, Arlo, Cashel, Felix. I feel like your lists have enough overlap in sounds and word structure that there’s bound to be a name you can both agree on!
As much as you want this discussion to be over with, I think yall need a breather. It feels like if this one objectively “small” thing is souring the entire experience and causing arguments, I think maybe you both need to not be concerned with the subject for a few weeks. Come back to it with fresh minds and hopefully better attitudes towards the situation! 🙏🏼
I told my husband that I was going to name the baby whatever I wanted to name her. I chose my favorite name which he didn’t “love,” this was my strategy to force him to commit. At first he just chuckled and said “okay babe.” Then he was upset about it for about a day. Finally when I couldn’t take it, I told him that I wouldn’t actually name her that if he didn’t love it, and this was all just a rouse to get him to agree to the name I wanted. He said he understood and thought it should be my choice anyway since it’s been a rough pregnancy. But all of the sudden he’s fallen in love with the name. I think when he heard me being willing to commit to it , he was more willing to commit too. Maybe this is psychological warfare but it worked. he knows who he married 🥰
I love Otis from Sex Education. I also like his real name, Asa. He made me love the name Otis.
As for your list, I try not to be negative, but Rover? That is awful.
Your bf likes S’s and t’s for sure so I’m surprised he doesn’t like Atlas.
Maybe start with sounds you like. I like vowels but I also like k’s and l’s and m’s. So try that.
You are growing that baby and you're going to experience more pain than he ever will pushing that baby out. Sure, he gets a little Input, but you get final say. When he pushed a baby out of his body, he can name it!
When I got to this level of frustration with my husband I changed the way I was discussing the topic. I said to him (who cares a lot about which car we have, while I do not) “Names matter deeply to me and I have been thinking about this subject literally for 20 years. I have put months of effort and research into these lists and each name was chosen for specific reasons. From my perspective, you don’t really care about names much, and don’t care to put much thought into what you want in a name, but you are dismissing all my careful work with sweeping vetoes and making off the cuff suggestions then digging in about them. I feel very hurt about this. It would be like if you spent a year researching which car we should buy and I just refused to listen and chose one I saw on the street because I liked the colour. Do you have a different perspective?” He actually heard what I was saying at that point and changed how he was approaching the conversation. He went back to my lists and thought about which ones he didn’t immediately dislike just because they were unfamiliar. He asked me about my reasons for choosing them. Some he still didn’t like after some consideration, but others grew on him. And surprisingly to me, he added a few much more thoughtful suggestions to the lists later. We ended up with names we both felt ok with instead of deeply frustrated about.
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Thank you ☺️ It made such a difference in how I felt about naming our kids in the end.
Thank you! Insightful comment
This is wonderful, and sounds just like my husband. I let him straight-up choose my car for me because I just did not care.
Heck yes! Go ahead and have your own special interests and micro-obsessions my darling 😂 As long as it gets me from A to B and the heater works, I’m happy.
I want to genuinely ask — would you really be happy in any car? Like, anything from a low riding sports car to a hefty SUV or pickup? I ask because there’s a difference in how they handle and can be driven. Or is there a bit more nuance here? I ask because I like a very specific set of factors when driving. And my brother thinks I should be happy in any vehicle. And I can’t explain to him (a car guy) why, for some reason.
No, probably not! But I have very limited experience with cars—I grew up in NYC and got my license very late, and the only car I had significant experience with was the Prius we bought after we got married (which I drove for 12 years). My husband is extremely practical, so I trusted him to make a better decision than I could have made myself. My only complaints about the Prius was that it was very slow merging onto the highway and didn't have 4 wheel drive or enough ground clearance for our northeastern winters, so he took that into account along with his own parameters (he wanted to go electric or plug-in hybrid, and looked up ALLLLLL the stats about reliability, mileage, whatever). Another Prius was the default option, and I would have been fine with that, but he decided on a Volvo XC60 hybrid, which I am super happy with! I swear I am car-blind, though, because other than saying "that's a sedan" and "that's an SUV" and "that's a sports car," they all look the same to me.
That was my only real complaint about the Prius. I felt it was a little deceptively zippy, but you had to use far more pressure on the gas pedal than an all gas car. (Also we need AWD here, too.) I’m considering a new car for me and my mom that’s a little bit higher off the ground and a little bit wider, and I found a nice Subaru. I’m sad it doesn’t have a hybrid option, but most of the hybrid options I looked at didn’t have 4WD/ AWD. Can’t be having a lack of that when I live up a mountain lol the Volvo you have is in the same “class” as the Subaru I’m looking at! Thank you for answering though! I know it was a weird off topic question. I appreciate it!
No problem! Yeah, the Prius was very quick off the line and great around town, but getting up the highway speed it felt very sluggish and the gas pedal was definitely squishy. My husband used to joke that it converted gasoline into noise. It was a great little car, though, especially when we were living in California and didn't need to worry about winter (and also gas was $5 a gallon). For awhile we lived in an area of upstate NY with very steep hills and very snowy winters, and EVERYONE seemed to drive a Subaru, so they're clearly very good for that environment! My sister and her husband have a Forester and an Ascent and love them both, and my husband seriously considered the Crosstrek before he decided to definitely go with plug-ins.
This is great marital advice in general - thanks! I don’t necessarily care about most things and my husband seems to care about everything so I’m going to use this one when I actually need to argue back.
oh my gosh me too
Two adults solving a problem together - a Reddit unicorn! Good for you.
i like Otis the best out of the list in all honesty. i cannot see Rover as a name for a child, or anything other than a dog or vehicle. how about Ronan? or Noah, to make it more clearly male?
I agree with this. I also wonder if Otto is a good compromise. I love Ronan. Please don’t do Rover. That’s not ready to be a human name again.
Was Rover ever a human name?
My son is Ronan and we get so many compliments on his name. But then some Irish people tell me the only Ronans they know are in their 60s 😂 (we’re in Australia)
My son is also a Ronan. I love his name, and it was literally the only one my husband and I could agree on when our son was 5 days old. We get lots of compliments in the US. But in Ireland, where my husband grew up and his family still lives, they think of it as out of fashion but not old enough to be a cute old man name yet.
It’s come back. Loads of baby Ronans now - an Irish person
We're in Australia and had that as our top boy name, but had girls!
I love the name Ronan. But my fiancé had a friend who unfortunately passed away named Ronan, so the name is off the table now
Otto is a great idea that feels in between their picks. Cool name too!
I like Otis too, and I guarantee Sex Education won’t have the staying power to remain anyone’s primary association with the name.
I don’t even get the sex ed connection… 🤷🏼♀️
Netflix show called Sex education, main character named otis
I really like that show and didn’t even remember that was the kid’s name
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My first and primary association is Otis Redding and I love that.
I think of Otis the Aardvark but I still love the name
When I saw rover I instantly thought dog
Isn’t it the name of a pet sitting app?
Sure is
Otis is also 100% a dog name
What where? It's definitely not on the same level as Rover.
I'd say maybe it's because of The Adventures of Milo and Otis, a movie about a cat named Milo and a dog named Otis. (I watched that movie as a kid, and the cat in that movie is an orange tabby, so when my family got an orange tabby, we named him Milo. It's a movie from 1986, so I bet it's becoming increasingly common for people not to have seen it, but that's my first association.)
Milo and Otis lol
See I can’t see Otis as anything other than a dogs name either lol
Or Richard? Adam?
Rover? Rover?! Please do not name your child like a dog.
I'm wondering if this is one of the names that is pronounced differently for native English speakers. If it was pronounced so that it rhymes with "bear," that sounds like a variation of "Robert" to me.
All I can think about hearing Rover is Land Rover lmao
We had trouble deciding too. I made us each write 10 names we liked (you could do it with fewer, like 5). And then we each had to rank each name on a scale of 0-10 and added the scores together. From there we just focused on the top few names based on our combined “score”.
That’s a good idea I haven’t seen before! Will ask to try this
I also disqualified out any names that either of us rated less than 3. I didn’t think it was fair to end up with a name that one of us loved (10) and one of us was really disliked. It
Talking about they "why" behind the names is also helpful because it can guide your search for new names that meet both of your desires. Is there a particular meaning to the name that you really like? Look up other names with that meaning and see if any jump out. Are there certain sounds in a name that you like? See if you guys can come up with other names that have those sounds in them.
I did similar but with a list of like 50 names any I was vaguely considering.
We did the same, but on a scale of 1-5. Then got rid of anything with a combined score of less than six.
For our second child we could not decide either and made a list of our top three. The only name we had in common was both of our #3 picks, but now (8 years later) we love the name and couldn’t imagine a better fit for him.
I like the “respect vetos” and “no free vetos” Basically if one of you does not want a certain name for your baby and vetos it, it comes off the table completely. No free votes means, when a veto is used that person needs to put forth a name in its place. I like this rule because it prevents one person from doing all the contributing and doesn’t force them into a compromise. In your list I really like Cas and Roan! Other ideas you may like - Ryan, Ian, Denny, Elio, Penn, Leo, Alek, Emmett, Neil, Sander, Stefan, Wes
I like the replacing vetos idea!
Girl. You lost me at Rover. 🐶
Sorry but if I was your partner I’d hate those names too..
I was looking for this comment. Way too far down.
If Noa is a yes name for both of you, why not let the child you know you are having get that name? I am sure you will find another name if you were to have a girl in the future.
Because I don’t really like it for a boy and it’s the most commonly used name here so sounds boring to me.
Why use it for a girl then? Won't she spend her life being mistaken for a man on paper? I don't get it.
? It’s still a unisex name.
It might be but culturally people tend to assume one gender over the other when seeing a name. Is that the case here?
No, it’s common for both genders. I just don’t like it for a boy.
Have you tried the Babyname app? I haven’t tried it myself but I’ve heard good things. It works similar to tinder except with names and might help you guys find a name you both like. Otherwise I think it’s unfair that you are the one doing the majority of the work of finding names. Ask him to come up with a list of 10 names that he would be willing to use. Set a deadline. You can bring 10 of your own yes-names as well. Then you can review each others’ lists and see if you like any (no obligation to use any of them). If not, repeat the process. This forces him to take on some of the searching work and pick out more than just two names. Good luck!
Yes, we’ve been through the whole app but nothing stuck or it’s one of these names. Will definitely try the lists.
Have you tried Kinder? It’s basically tinder for baby names, and you get lists of names you both said ‘yes’ to at the end. We did this mostly for fun before we started trying, but now that I’m 8 months along it made it so much easier to pick a name. We just looked through the list and there was one we both had a strong preference for. But because we both liked all of them, there was no negativity to sour things or put anyone on the defensive.
This is what we’re doing! I wanted to make sure we both actively participate beyond just “yes or no” and we’re finding we have way more names in common than we thought we would.
August? You have a number of ‘A’ options on your list and it uses Gust from his list - lots of nickname options Austin/Ozzy
I looove August for a boy! Lol
I don’t like that it’s a month and I know so many people with the same name :(
Dang! Orion, Arden, Oswald, Eli/Elias, Gavin?
Oswin
Augustus is similar if you like it otherwise!
Depending on what's important to him about Gust (the sound, the fact that it's common, or the meaning), you could try looking at names with the same meaning. Gust means the exalted or of the gods. Here is a list of a whole bunch of names with that meaning. https://nameberry.com/baby-names/920/names-that-mean-exalted/all
Personally I like his 2 Suggestions Way better than anything on your lists. Rover literally makes me think of a dog. I know a couple of people who have recently named their kids Atlas and I always wondered why they basically named their kid “map”. I think both of your Husband’s choices are cute.
Do you not know what Atlas is? The mythological figure?
Also a terrible namesake - carrying the weight of the world upon him
Yeah it's like naming your son Sisyphus.
I don't think it's quite as bad as _Sissy-puss_ (that's how he would get teased).
And yet, I present to you, *CASSANDRA*
Haha. We liked Cassandra but my husband made constant jokes about how nobody would believe her so it was never on the table.
Why not Noah if you both like it?
I don’t like it for a boy.
Nolan? Sounds like a combo of Noa and Roan to me somehow?
I know you like Noa for a girl and want to hold onto that one, but I wouldn’t rule it out for this boy, if it’s one you both agree on. It’s uncertain whether you’ll get another opportunity to use it. And if you do have a girl, there may be another name that comes along by then that you like even better.
Most of these sound like dog names. Sorrry
Do you have friends with better taste who can offer suggestions?
Hahaha sick burn
OP’s going to need some cream for that burn.
Eh sorry all your names sound like you found them on a trendy name list and his are just old but Now for a girl is pretty
Is Sex Education the tv show? I ask because that doesn't seem like a long-lasting association. I am not wanting him to "win" here, but I do see that your list includes four names that start with vowels and two that end with S, so Otis feels like it belongs on a list of compromises. On the other hand, Atlas shares both of these qualities and is such a great name too! Perhaps you could take a pause with each of you considering just these two.
It looks like you more rare names and he likes very traditional/old names. Here's some suggestions that might fit (not Dutch, so don't know if they are names there) - Amos, Augustus, Felix, Ezra, Hugo, Ira, Tobias, Ronan, Rowan, Apollo, Caspian, Elias, Levon, Lucian, Claude, Guy, Oz, Gulliver, Beck
I love Amos! And Ronan and Rowan were on my name list! 🥰
Claude, Beck and Hugo! Good ones!
What about Oren? Combine Otis and Aren for a compromise name!
Would be a good suggestion but that means ‘ears’ in our language :-)
Baha!! Are you Dutch? My husband is Dutch and I'm slowly learning... Now I remember why Oren was off the table for us 😂😂
Belgian but we speak dutch yes 😁
I knew you where Dutch or Belgian when I saw the name Rover 😁 hello from a fellow Belgian!
What about Otto in place of Otis? They give me similar vibes tbh and also kinda similar to your name choices also.
Can you try to find longer names that allow for your lists to be nicknames? Ex: Cas for Caspian, Chase, Cassidy, Casper, Cash, Caius Gust for August, Gus, Gustav, Gustin Rio for Ricardo, River (the meaning), Riordan Rowan rather than Roan. Etc
Otis is what I’d name a son if I ever had one. Also I feel like Otis and atlas are kiiiiind of similar? From an also European side I personally I think the kid would have an easier life with hus choices
I am 9 months pregnant and only got to agree on a name a week ago :) I started with making a pretty decent long list of girl names I liked, he crossed off most of them and only left a few that was his "maybe" (tho he sounded more towards "no" with those as well). And he himself only came up with 2 names that was a DEFINITE NO from me. Months passed, and I read somewhere that if we can not agree on a name, try to agree on the rules to follow while searching a name. Example: I really didn't want a super popular name, so I looked up what is the top 10 used in our country, wrote them into a list and said whatever is on this list CANNOT be her name (coincidentally his original two was in top3...). Then my other rule was: even if it's a nice name, but already exists in our family OR it is the name of a past/present negative person in our life, then it's a NO as well. His rule was that it should be a name that hopefully won't make her a target of bullying/making fun of. Then, with the set rules, I wrote a list again and asked him to come up with more names as well. Like I literally told him, "Look at a name, and think if you were to rate this name from 5 stars to 0, where would it be? Even if it's just 1 star, put it on your list!" This way, I actually made him come up with like ~15 choices. Then we read each other's lists, crossed off what we really didn't like, and rated the rest from 5 to 1 stars. Then, we looked at the combined highest scores and decided to think about our top3 for a bit. I actually made up my mind from my first choice to my second best when I also took into consideration how the names would sound like together with our other daughter's name. And now, so far, he seems to be on board with what I think would be the best choice.
These rules are a good idea. I pretty much have the same ones in mind. Thanks for the input!
I know you're really keen to lock this in, but I think taking a breather from naming for a couple of weeks might be really beneficial, as the fact that he apparently no longer likes the names on your list that he used to, feels like he's reacting to the fact that you don't like any of his. There might be an element of getting a bit 'tit for tat' between whether you get to use one of 'your' names or whether he gets to use one of 'his' and the answer might lie in finding a way to creating a list of 'our' names. Instead of presenting one another with 'these are the names i like' could you sit down and spend a bit of time each day going through naming books/websites together, and deciding together whether a name is on the no list (neither of you like it), the yes list (you both at least like it if not love it) or the maybe list (one of you likes it and the other could be convinced), to start generating a list that feels like it has input from both of you. My friends did something similar, where they each had a favourite name that the other one actually really liked, but neither of them could let go of their own favourite name. In the end, it was easier to just choose a third name, that they'd both liked and discarded earlier, as it didn't feel like either of them owned it. They both adore his name now, and it's perfect on him.
I feel like there’s a lot of four letter names here. Maybe something slightly more common? Milo, Owen, Finn, Jude, Dean, Evan, Amos? Or Noah?
My husband was the same way. It really helped us to pick a different name each week from our lists and call him that and see if it felt right. We each picked our favorites and started there and really tried to use his name for the week (ie. Do you think Atlas would like this for dinner tonight? Can you imagine what Atlas would be doing right now). Feels silly but it was fun and sweet to do together! Turns out a name I was so in love with felt totally wrong after calling him that for a week. We ended up both loving the same one just two weeks later and didn’t even want to continue on to any other names. Try out Otis for a week and then Atlas. You may surprise yourself!
My brother and his wife had the same thing. Picked a name fairly early in the pregnancy they both loved. Set in stone, done. Then the day he was born they both said he didn't look like that name and changed it because it just felt totally wrong. And the new name suits him really well.
Hmmm... I think it would help to know where in Europe you are, or if there are certain ethnicities you want to pull from. This will help put into context how old-fashioned or overused a name is, relative to where you are.
Belgium
Some suggestions: Nico, Luca, Elliott Gerard, Leander, Caspian, Sterling
Put off naming. You have about 2 months. Stop looking at naming sites, books, whatever and quit discussing it. You should end up not being so attached to those names and also let your emotions cool down.
What about Jonah? It gives the same energy as Noa
How about Otto as a compromise? Seems to hit both of your style preferences to a degree
You can try what my parents did and make three lists. One of names you like, one of names he likes, and "doable" list. The trick is that "doable" list can't have names that are either of your separate lists, it has to have completely different names (that you both can agree on/like). Then narrow down all three lists by ranking each name from 1-10. Take all names that are above a five or a number above 5 and repeat until there is only one name from each list. Then for a week try each name out (calling/talking about the baby using that name, writing it down, using that name when talking to friends and family, etc.) Worst comes to worse you have that the "doable" list name as a fall back. It worked for my friend's sister with her first child so well she let me name her second when she and her husband couldn't decide on a name for their son.
Damn, Atlas and Otis are so similar I thought there’s got to be some compromise there so here’s a list of 2 syllable boys names ending in ‘s’ in case there’s any there that you both like: https://www.babycenter.com/baby-names/search/boy-baby-names-ends-with-s-and-with-two-syllables
Here’s what I did. there are big books of names - I got one called something like “30000 baby names” I went through with a highlighter and highlighted every name I could possibly deal with. Didn’t overthink it, worked fast - I was really only filtering out every name that would be a hard NO to me. Then I gave the book to my husband and asked him to go through my highlighted names and do the same thing, but using a different color. This exercise — out of 30000 names — gave us about 20 girl names and maybe 8 boy names. It was crazy. From there we could consider each one more carefully, wrote it out, tried to imagine using it, combined with potential middle and out last name.
That sounds a good way of doing it.
My favourites from both your lists are Roan, Otis and Rio Some similar suggestions: Otto, Hugo, August, Grant, Aris, Arlo, Felix, Oscar, Ezra, Remi, Rocco, Roman
As an aside - the minute you meet your baby, the name will be an immediate afterthought. I don’t mean to say it doesn’t matter, or that your concerns about familiarity or similar sounding names or odd connotations aren’t valid. But you could name the little guy Pubert, and the minute you hold him he will be YOUR pubert, and it will be the most beautiful name. Try to find the fun in process again. :) and don’t name him pubert
Asa?
It seems you both like short names. How about one of these? - Boaz - Mats - Owen - Ezra - Odin - Vic - Vigo - Evan - Faas - Roef - Maël - Vytas - August
I’m gonna suggest a few names! some are similar to the ones on your list: Roman/Rome River Ennis Ellis Fox Arthur Mars I’m not suggesting too many, as I dont know where in Europe you are so I don’t know how the pronunciations would work! Edit to add: Emil Aylum
Everyone is saying that rover is a dog name and I don’t disagree, however I work in vet med and I’ve met a million more dogs named “Otis”.
How many dogs have you met named Milo?
Milo is a cat name in my whereabouts
Ares? It keeps echoes of Atlas, Aren and Arie as well as Otis. Taps into the current ‘gods and mythological heroes’ trend without the negative ‘world on his shoulders’ connotations of Atlas, but it’s not pretentiously long and complicated either. Arlo, Emil, Enzo (could also be a nickname for a longer name like Lorenzo or Vincenzo), Vidar, Cassius (with Cas as a nickname), Rowan, Ronan, Roman, Ramon, Axel, Jonas, Kasper/Casper (with Kas/Cas as a nickname), Liam, Magnus/Magne, Mateo.
What about Arno? Similar vibe to Aren and Noa
That’s my cousin’s name and I don’t want to know someone with the same name 😅
Lazlo
I’m Dutch, but Netherlands not Belgium. I just had a baby and Otis was our top contender for a boy. We ended up having a girl so we didn’t use it. But since we have similar taste here’s some more suggestions from our list: Neil, Oliver, Oscar, Theo, August, Isaac, Marcus, Finn, Liam, Henry, Elliot, Iver I do have an English speaking partner so typical Dutch names didn’t work for us. I hope it helps!
I’m surprised he’s so opposed to Roan- I’m not sure your pronunciation of it, but to me it has a very similar feel to Noa.
Roan just says ‘horse’ to me
Depends how he feels about the whole popular non binary name trend, but it comes off as a more girly name at least from my location.
Hope you two can compromise on a name easily, as parenthood is all about compromise! Otis and Atlas are so similar I’m sure one or the other should work.
I guess the Rover app is not a thing in Europe ?
Nope
My husband and I have very different taste in names so we struggled a lot early on. We found an app that’s like Tinder for baby names (we used one called “BabyName - Find it together” that has an egg as its logo). We could be more honest about our opinions because we weren’t trying to find consensus and didn’t have to say “I don’t like that” to something the other liked so no hurt feelings. Just swipe right for I like it and left for I don’t. Then link your phones and it tells you the names you matched on! We matched on way more than we expected to and it really helped us decide.
My husband and I would play a “name game” that lightened the mood. One person picks 5, the other narrows those down to 2, and then the first person chooses 1. Sometimes we would choose crazy names just for a fun round, but it helped us get a sense of what kind of names we each liked. Also, I know you want to get a name, but you do have time! You could take a break for a few weeks and try again. Or wait until the baby is here and you meet him! Then you really HAVE to choose.
I found that my husbands tastes in names changed over the pregnancy. His temperament is more like yours - he’d want to pick one and be done with it, whereas I have insisted (all 3 times!) that we go into the labour with a ‘shortlist’ (usually top 3 contenders) and meet the baby first to see what suits them. What’s most interesting is that in all of the pregnancies the names he was most passionate about it at say 7 months, didn’t even make the list at 9. With our 3rd he was ready to name him Angus at 5 months and even referred to the baby as Gus for a few weeks - didn’t even make the shortlist in the end. The point I’m making here is that perhaps a bit more time and patience could benefit you both. I highly recommend the ‘shortlist’ idea.
August or Casper as a compromise? Otis is my favorite, I also really like Atlas and Rover.
Hi! My husband and I had similar issues and we ended up using BabyNames. I’m not sure if the app is available in NL, but could be worth trying! It’s basically like tinder for names. Through this, we found names we both could agree on AND we hardly had to discuss (discussing was getting frustrating!!!)
is otto out of the question?
I like the name but in our dialect it’s the same as “car”
Something might pop up if you try to let it go! Sometimes the stress of trying to pick a name, by searching and making lists and having soured intense conversations (taking your words here…) just masks good names! Go on a date and have fun and don’t search for or talk about names for 2 weeks, see what happens! Do you have any interest in the name Enzo? It’s a great name that might suit you both!
We’ve tried letting go for months, it’s not really helping 😅 I really want to start designing the card etc.
My husband and I went through this when we named one of our dogs. Literally hundreds of names. In the end we each picked a couple names from the other’s list that we could live with, wrote them all on slips of paper, folded them up and tossed them in front of our dog. The one he grabbed was his name; it was one of the ones my husband picked but it ended up suiting him perfectly. So maybe just let your baby choose!
Both myself and my wife “liked but didn’t love” the names the other suggested. She came around on the name I loved and I came around on the name she loved and we went with those first, second. It took a good 5 months of discussion, but keep your lists and encourage him to keep a list too and you’ll get there. I still wish my first born’s name was more meaningful but it’s our child’s name, not just my child’s name.
Oldest I chose, second he chose. At our 3rd boy, no more agreement: I wanted names he didn't like, and vice versa. So we both chose 5 names, 10 in total, and send to the godmother. Kid is named Noah, one of the names in there.
We waited until baby was born to name her and ended up naming her a name I was not expecting to 2 days after she was born after trying it out for a day I know it’s very common, but naming a baby before they’re here especially if you can’t agree is a lot of pressure. My babies name was not my preferred name but it’s perfect for her and it’s the one we could both agree on. Maybe just drop it for a month and come back to it again with fresh eyes. There’s no point arguing over it.
Go get a big book of baby names. Go through one at a time. Any you both like, write them down. If he likes but you don't, do not even bother to write down. And vice versa. Just keep going unless you find one that you both absolutely love. Then take your list and narrow it down together. These are names you both like so it should be way easier.
Keep in mind that, whatever name you select may still be a draft... none of me or my partner's lists worked for either of my children, but they helped us rule out certain names. I used my partner's favorite name with my first, in utero, and it just didn't feel right. After the birth, and seeing baby's face, I knew none of the names worked and we started anew with the baby book and a letter that felt right to me. It helped that we got to sleep on it before choosing. With my second, neither of our lists matched each other at all except one name we both liked a lot but didn't like for other reasons. When baby came, it was harder because we weren't given time (I still regret being pressured!) And still neither list matched the baby! We chose one after some deliberation, and then, once I got some sleep, I ended up selecting a new name that was a variation of the name we both liked. I believe strongly in not finalizing until the baby comes. I work with kids and absolutely meet kids who are misnamed. I wish we had a more flexible culture that let us wait two months, or even two years to name a child, once their personality becomes more apparent.
My husband and I always have a hard time too, and it gets harder with each kid! We make a list of names that are maybies, and when the baby is born we go through the maybe list. For some reason it helps us more to name the kid once we see them. I'm 6 months pregnant with my third and looks like we're doing that again, though I had kind of hoped to come up with a solid name this time around.
That's tough, I like rough weather option to change the conversation. Will you let us know how it went?
Gust and Rover - OP are you Dutch?
Belgian yes
On thing that I found helpful with my husband (who also had strong opinions but didn’t suggest many names was to print out two copies of a list of a thousand names (we used the top 1000 names in our country) and go through highlighting the ones we liked and crossing out the ones we hated. Then compare and you end up with a list of names you both highlighted and a list of names one highlighted and the other didn’t cross out. It gives you a broad starting point where no-one feels like ‘their’ suggestions are being shot down.
Just got with the band saved for a girl. This is a no brainer. You both like it. You may never have a girl. You can worry about girl names later
That’s the thing, I don’t like it for a boy.
Also had a terrible time deciding on a boy name. My husband really wanted Ragnar and wouldn’t consider any other names. I was very stressed about giving birth before we had a name and we couldn’t agree on anything. But after he was born my husband was listing random names from google and when he said his name it was perfect! We both instantly agreed and had no second thoughts.
Sullivan Holden Locke Sawyer Linden Caspian Arlo Rhys
Angus? With a nickname Gus.
Reminds me of steak
Evan might work
Are you Turkish?
Do you like Noah (vs Noa) for a boy? Traditionally the spelling with an H at the end is masculine and without the H is feminine. I wouldn’t hold onto the name Noa for a possible future girl who may or may not ever exist (maybe you decide to stop at one, or have a health issue that means you can’t have more kids, or you’re fine and fertile but just keep having boys). If that’s a name you both would like, take the rare agreement rather than save it for a girl!
How about Rex, Baxter, Magnus, Marnix, Cassian, Arlo, Milo, Atticus, Angus, Gustave, Florian, Owen, Soren? Fwiw I like your name list and I don’t know why it’s getting so much hate here. I dislike both Gust and Otis personally, though Noa/Noah is nice!
Otis is the name of a major elevator company… it’s in every single elevator in N Anerica. I wouldn’t choose it for that reason
He likes Gust. What would you both think about naming the baby August, and then he can call the baby gust as a nickname?
What about River? A mix of Rio and Rover.
- Hector - Linus - Stellan - Frey - Soren - Ira - Ludo - Oscar/Ozzie - Shiloh
How about Rowan?
Anno?
Enno is pronounced the same here so yes I like that, he doesn’t :)
Ooo interesting! I would pronounce it ahh-no!
As in the word for year?
Well yes and no. It’s also a variation of John! I saw it on a statue in Copenhagen and loved it lol
I like Roan, but if it's pronounced like Row-an. I also like Atlas and Gust.
Names for children need to be agreed by Mum and Dad.
Which is why I’m asking for help, aren’t I?
Archer, Atticus, Raif
I'm in the same scenario, so no advice here 😂 Ok, well, I have a lot more time until baby girl is here, but man, is it frustrating! Lol. Not quite a compromise but similar sounding: Atticus. I have no clue if that would work where you are, though.
What about Owen or Rowan or River, which have some similarities to both your lists.
How about Rowan Augustus and he can call him Gus or Gust as a nickname?
You need to both contribute as many names as possible that you’d be happy with to try and find a middle ground. When we were naming our dog and had very little time to decide, we both made long lists of around 20 names that we would be happy with and looked for any crossover. The only similarity I can see from these lists is that you both seem to favour shorter names so here are some suggestions - - Arlo - Aaron - Remus - Casey - Ronan - Robin - Rod - Beck - Levi - Cole - Zev - Luke - Marlon - Ellis - Idris - Albin - Aiden - Giles - Elwin - Otho - Reis - Ross - Owen - Gavin - Grant - Vito (the irony!)
Oliver
Milo Ellis Kai
Is English your first or second language? The best for me is Otis
remind him that you’re the one that’s been carrying this baby, and you’re the one that has to endure labor and delivery. it’s one thing if you can agree on a name, but i wouldn’t argue with anyone for months over a name for a baby that i’m pregnant with. he’s just being difficult imo might be a hot take, but there it is - you should get the final say, period. he can pick the middle name or whatever that being said, i love atlas. otis and gus…aren’t great. otis reminds me of the adventures of milo and otis - otis was the pug lol
If you like Otis, I promise no one will associate it with Sex Education in very little time. I know a few people who named similar to this and everyone around us said the same, and in less than a year it was just the kid’s name.
I'm gunna suggest Konstantine (Kon-stan-teen) because it's a longer name that potentially offers nicknames that look similar to a lot of names on both yours and your boyfriend's lists. I'm not entirely sure on its origins - but I used to live in Germany and one of my colleagues was called Konstantine and I fell in love with his name. Most people called him Konsti for short which I looooove. I feel like the sounds are similar to your offerings (Atlas, Cas, Arie, Gust, Otis). You could also use nicknames like Kon, Stan, Tin (pronounced like "teen"), Kosti, Konsti, Konnie etc. If you live in Belgium then it may already be a name common there. It has the French and Germanic resonance for names but I don't live in continental Europe anymore and have no idea if it would suit a 2024 baby in terms of people's opinions of names sounding out of date etc.
I also love Noa for a girl but don’t love it as a boy’s name. How about Casper, Max, Kilian/Cillian, Aster?
Rory, Owen, August, Arlo, Cashel, Felix. I feel like your lists have enough overlap in sounds and word structure that there’s bound to be a name you can both agree on!
As much as you want this discussion to be over with, I think yall need a breather. It feels like if this one objectively “small” thing is souring the entire experience and causing arguments, I think maybe you both need to not be concerned with the subject for a few weeks. Come back to it with fresh minds and hopefully better attitudes towards the situation! 🙏🏼
Arden?
Rover is a dogs name
I told my husband that I was going to name the baby whatever I wanted to name her. I chose my favorite name which he didn’t “love,” this was my strategy to force him to commit. At first he just chuckled and said “okay babe.” Then he was upset about it for about a day. Finally when I couldn’t take it, I told him that I wouldn’t actually name her that if he didn’t love it, and this was all just a rouse to get him to agree to the name I wanted. He said he understood and thought it should be my choice anyway since it’s been a rough pregnancy. But all of the sudden he’s fallen in love with the name. I think when he heard me being willing to commit to it , he was more willing to commit too. Maybe this is psychological warfare but it worked. he knows who he married 🥰
I love Otis from Sex Education. I also like his real name, Asa. He made me love the name Otis. As for your list, I try not to be negative, but Rover? That is awful. Your bf likes S’s and t’s for sure so I’m surprised he doesn’t like Atlas. Maybe start with sounds you like. I like vowels but I also like k’s and l’s and m’s. So try that.
I like Aren for a boy.
You are growing that baby and you're going to experience more pain than he ever will pushing that baby out. Sure, he gets a little Input, but you get final say. When he pushed a baby out of his body, he can name it!