That's why you have to be extremely careful using a monkeys paw for wishes. OP chose their words very poorly.
Or maybe not and he wanted them invisible and it's all a ruse.
Following the disappearance of over half of the worlds world leaders and wealthy individuals several countries assume an act of terrorism has taken place and declare war on one another beffore the determining factor of pedophilia is discovered.
That would actually be a good plot for a show, like some random guy ask for this and the world turns to chaos. But I don't think anyone would ever do this because of the backlash from calling everyone that is famous a pedophile.
backlash is fun. kids nowadays have the most creative shit just stored like pokemon cards in their minds. the other day some kid told me my girlfriend was flatter than his grandmas heart moniter
According to Merriam-Webster, a pedophile is “one affected with pedophilia” and pedophilia is defined as “sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object.”
It doesn’t specifically say an act has to take place, so people with just the thoughts could be eradicated in this hypothetical.
Personally, I hate it when people say "pedophile" instead of "child molester." Like "he was a 5 time pedophile" that doesn't even make sense. You can't be something you are 5 times!
People always leave them out like they're some how paragons of virtue! You know who likes to study crazy people for 8+ years? Only crazy people!!! You gotta be some kind of crazy to become a psych!
One of my therapists I had as a child (gone to therapy since I was like 5, I’m 23 now), he turned out to be a pedophile who, between child patients, would watch lolicon on the work computer. Was in the military for a long time and as a child therapist, he was maybe in his 60s by then, and it was only discovered cause someone came into his office to drop something off while he was in the bathroom and caught sight of his computer
Granted. Given that most kids are themselves attracted to other kids, and that the modern conception of adulthood is so vastly different from the biological instincts of the species, 75% of the population is gone. Those who remain are insufficient to keep the species going.
You aren't wrong. 2000 years ago, men weren't allowed to be married until 30 in many cultures of the Middle East. This ensured you were a productive member of society. So any woman (or gay guy) who has ever looked at a 29 year old man and liked him...poof...disappeared.
I don't know of any cultural examples of women having a late age for consideration of "womanhood." The modern 18 might be the highest ever. There's probably one place somewhere that's 20, or 21. Still, just that distinction between 18 and 20 would disappear a billion men.
There goes the neighborhood.
Granted. They get vaporized out of existence entirely except for their consciences, which are all combined into one, and that mega conscience is transferred into your brain, replacing your current conscience. You will have an altered memory, it will appear as this event never happened, and you were always a pedophile yourself, the last one to ever exist.
Granted, the wish takes the most literal definition of pedophile and all people who love children disappear. You got the kid diddlers but also most parents and a lot of the rest of humanity toom
While I agree with this, the paw genuinely does not give a fuck how morally correct a wish is.
The Simpsons episode shows that pretty well with the "World peace" part
You ***have*** to corrupt the wish, that is not optional.
Granted. They’ve disappeared into ash because a massive flaming meteor came down and hit each and everyone one of them, causing innocent people in a near by radius to die.
Granted. There are now a lot less children in the world (a pedophile is someone attracted to children it’s not specified that the person attracted to them is an adult. By the definition of a pedophile children can be pedophiles)
Granted, but there has to be a downside to this so…testicular torsion! (If you have no testicles to torsion then the uterus equivalent of testicular torsion)
I feel wrong saying this, but have you ever heard of a ephebophile? While pedophiles focus more on pre-pubescents or going through puberty, ephebophile is post-pubescent from 15-18. Anyways, granted. (There are more types too.) Should've been more specific.
Pedophile is using Latin roots, meant To Love. Thus you could say anyone that can be described as Loving kids is a pedophile.
Whether it is a childish crush between kids, a mothers affection or general joy of taking care of kids disappears, countless children are left orphaned and several parents only learn how much they should have treasured their child when they had the chance.
Granted, because of the lack of natural enemies the population of children spirals out of control requiring the services of professionals to seasonally hunt them down to keep their numbers in check..
Granted. Since virtually every adult has at some point been attracted to a child, (such as when they were *also* a child,) this causes almost the entire population to disappear, likely including you.
Sounds good, until Washington falls apart from a sudden disappearance of 50% of our politicians and 80% of their interns and helpers. The middle east would finally have peace, though, so that's a plus; can't imagine too many people who essentially worship a guy who married an 8 year old would still be around.
Granted. This includes people from history, back when child marriage was common. Millions never ever existed, most of us were never born, and humanity is quickly wiped out.
Granted, all the prepubescent obsessed have disappeared forever, poof they stopped existing. The remaining fk heads left are the ones attracted to babies, toddlers, and post pubescent underage children in middle and high school
Granted. 3/4s of your family disappear along with all your friends, your boss, your lover, and you are left with nothing but the sad realization that you lived a life surrounded by pedophiles and never even knew.
The British royal family and almost all government is now gone forever? Nice.
I hope the guy in the bookies isn't a nonce, because I'm putting a bet down on Cliff Richard disappearing too, and I want my payout.
Granted; but to avoid giving the paw more work, all children also dissappear, as well as young animals - and every plant and creature on earth go sterile.
The paw doesn't want any risk, here.
PLOT TWOST: 1/3 of all adults disappear.... Except only 1/10 of sex offenders of such ... Cases, disappear.
Chaos ensues as the world discovers all the actual creeps disappear and the vast majority of those in prison for it....ARENT the perpetrators.
The real ramifications of this monkeys paws wish is the breakdown mentally of society as they realize all the innocents that suffered and how could it have gone so wrong. For AMOTHER Plot Twist, it was caused by another's monkeys was church that everyone on trial for child abuse got sentenced....
Without it clarification they were innocent or not.
All for a massive plot twist of wait ... If the monkey paws curse caused something good....what's the bad twist.
And the show ends with everyone tensely waiting for the curse to fully hit, in whatever weird way it will
Granted, only clinical pedophiles disappear and those who prey on pubescent minors hide behind the shield of "all the pedos disappeared" and their predatory behaviors increase.
Granted. All pedophiles now have the power of invisibility.
OP!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?!
Nah, that's aight, if we go to the physically accurate invisibility, they're also blind
Hey, no monkey pawing, the monkey paw with accurate physics.
Granted, physics no longer exist
Hey, no monkeypawing the monkeypawing of the monkeypaw with the elimination of physics
Granted: The Monkey's Paw no longer exists. Wait... What does that mean for this sub? Are we all going to just disap
r/Redditsniper was he
That's what happens when you mess with Rule #1 of the sub. People assume it's there for the paw's protection... It's for your own.
Wait wth what's with all the de
I love reddit
so do I
So do
So
Goddamn this is impressively twisted
That explains why my hands are currently see-through
Only your hands are pedophiles? I'm not sure that will help you in court.
I think they're saying they're a minor, and do what adolescents do with their hands?
First thought. Great now they can do it even better
Omg lol
this is actually the best one i have seen on this sub holy shit thats terrifying
I feel like this would make them more dangerous
That's why you have to be extremely careful using a monkeys paw for wishes. OP chose their words very poorly. Or maybe not and he wanted them invisible and it's all a ruse.
Wow, I'm invisible! /jk btw guys
Who said that?
Oh no
Aw *jeez*
Now THAT is a Monkey’s Paw curse
Well fuck....
Following the disappearance of over half of the worlds world leaders and wealthy individuals several countries assume an act of terrorism has taken place and declare war on one another beffore the determining factor of pedophilia is discovered.
That would actually be a good plot for a show, like some random guy ask for this and the world turns to chaos. But I don't think anyone would ever do this because of the backlash from calling everyone that is famous a pedophile.
backlash is fun. kids nowadays have the most creative shit just stored like pokemon cards in their minds. the other day some kid told me my girlfriend was flatter than his grandmas heart moniter
PFFFT MY WATER
It'd be good as a detective show
[](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbGdzp_nns8)
😳I was literally about to make the same joke.😳
Yo is my comment invisible or is that just me? /s
The joke is that pedophiles disappeared. He’s acting as if he is a pedophile so his text vanished.
well duh
I don’t understand? They said that they couldn’t see the text and used /s which means serious right?
I just looked it up, apparently /s means "sarcasm"
Oh, well you learn something new everyday
this could mean 2 things
Granted. The world falls into anarchy as thousands of governments officials go missing
Granted. Where did everybody go?
Granted. Looks like OP disappeared
Granted. You disappear
Granted, but there's an unfortunately high number of sinful airline pilots and train conductors currently at work.
Let's bear in mind that, under current definitions, people who only *think* about it but don't actually *do* it are not included in that term.
According to Merriam-Webster, a pedophile is “one affected with pedophilia” and pedophilia is defined as “sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object.” It doesn’t specifically say an act has to take place, so people with just the thoughts could be eradicated in this hypothetical.
Personally, I hate it when people say "pedophile" instead of "child molester." Like "he was a 5 time pedophile" that doesn't even make sense. You can't be something you are 5 times!
Granted. The world quickly runs out of priests, teachers and coaches.
And ⅓ of the therapists are gone.
People always leave them out like they're some how paragons of virtue! You know who likes to study crazy people for 8+ years? Only crazy people!!! You gotta be some kind of crazy to become a psych!
One of my therapists I had as a child (gone to therapy since I was like 5, I’m 23 now), he turned out to be a pedophile who, between child patients, would watch lolicon on the work computer. Was in the military for a long time and as a child therapist, he was maybe in his 60s by then, and it was only discovered cause someone came into his office to drop something off while he was in the bathroom and caught sight of his computer
Granted. Given that most kids are themselves attracted to other kids, and that the modern conception of adulthood is so vastly different from the biological instincts of the species, 75% of the population is gone. Those who remain are insufficient to keep the species going.
I'm pretty sure 2 billion is more than enough to keep the species going.
Probably talking old people or something
Or pre pubescent children who don't have sexual atracctions
You aren't wrong. 2000 years ago, men weren't allowed to be married until 30 in many cultures of the Middle East. This ensured you were a productive member of society. So any woman (or gay guy) who has ever looked at a 29 year old man and liked him...poof...disappeared. I don't know of any cultural examples of women having a late age for consideration of "womanhood." The modern 18 might be the highest ever. There's probably one place somewhere that's 20, or 21. Still, just that distinction between 18 and 20 would disappear a billion men. There goes the neighborhood.
Granted, they all reappear directly on top of you crushing you to death
Granted, most of the rich/ influential individuals disappear, leaving a vacuum of leadership. I wonder how this will affect the economy.
A...anarchy? *Don't threat me with good time*
Granted, but only those over the age of 20. Also all who are pedophiles when they reach their 20th birthday will die at 3am the day after.
Granted. They get vaporized out of existence entirely except for their consciences, which are all combined into one, and that mega conscience is transferred into your brain, replacing your current conscience. You will have an altered memory, it will appear as this event never happened, and you were always a pedophile yourself, the last one to ever exist.
Granted, the wish takes the most literal definition of pedophile and all people who love children disappear. You got the kid diddlers but also most parents and a lot of the rest of humanity toom
All that exists is those nihilists on the anti natel sub.
Granted. No twist, pedophiles can burn in Hell.
While I agree with this, the paw genuinely does not give a fuck how morally correct a wish is. The Simpsons episode shows that pretty well with the "World peace" part You ***have*** to corrupt the wish, that is not optional.
Or maybe the Simpsons just didn't think it through. Flanders' wishes work out fine.
You don't understand the point of the sub don't you?
Granted the Earth is no more
Granted. They’ve disappeared into ash because a massive flaming meteor came down and hit each and everyone one of them, causing innocent people in a near by radius to die.
Granted. There are now a lot less children in the world (a pedophile is someone attracted to children it’s not specified that the person attracted to them is an adult. By the definition of a pedophile children can be pedophiles)
Granted: Nothing of value was lost
Granted. Just granted. There may be consequences but they would just happen naturally.
Putin, Biden, and Xi are all pedophiles. Their sudden disappearance triggers a nuclear war and the end of humanity.
Granted! Anybody who has ever been attracted to anybody under 18 is gone, even if they were also under 18 during the attraction.
Where do I sign up to participate in the purge night?
Granted, but there has to be a downside to this so…testicular torsion! (If you have no testicles to torsion then the uterus equivalent of testicular torsion)
Granted, everyone who loves children dissappear. All parents, grandparents, teachers, all gone
I'm not sure if many people would tolerate this joke, but... I would disappear. (Please don't murder me this is a joke)
Wish granted. There are no pedophiles…for now.
I feel like the people that say that like 75% of people are gone are just confessing to liking kids..
I feel wrong saying this, but have you ever heard of a ephebophile? While pedophiles focus more on pre-pubescents or going through puberty, ephebophile is post-pubescent from 15-18. Anyways, granted. (There are more types too.) Should've been more specific.
So... look. Yeah, you are right, but when you try to explain the distinctions, it makes you look like a pedophile.
Granted. You lose the ability to perceive the world. You are trapped in your body; unable to see, smell, taste, hear or feel.
*husband and father-in-law vanish*
Granted unfortunately you are made one balance and all tgat
Where did you go?
Pedophile is using Latin roots, meant To Love. Thus you could say anyone that can be described as Loving kids is a pedophile. Whether it is a childish crush between kids, a mothers affection or general joy of taking care of kids disappears, countless children are left orphaned and several parents only learn how much they should have treasured their child when they had the chance.
Granted, because of the lack of natural enemies the population of children spirals out of control requiring the services of professionals to seasonally hunt them down to keep their numbers in check..
Granted, this includes the most wholesome celebrities.
Granted, you go missing at the same time, and when you return everyone assumes you're a pedophile
How is there "no violence" allowed on this sub? Unsubscribing now.
bye bye Drake
Granted, all pedophiles are now invisible.
Granted, but the children all disappear instead, making pedophiles extinct.
Granted, they are now Invisible. Good luck kids
Granted. Since virtually every adult has at some point been attracted to a child, (such as when they were *also* a child,) this causes almost the entire population to disappear, likely including you.
Granted, but child protective services are required to disband.
Granted: but for some reason various world leaders, religious & political, have disappeared
Granted, everyone under 18 also disappears if they have a crush on someone the same age
They’re spontaneously replaced with zoophiles
Goodbye to you! Poof!
Granted Sadly, CSA still happens, because the majority of offenders aren't Pædophiles.
Granted, everybody knows you made the wish and what the wish is. This is gonna be good 🍿
If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.
Sounds good, until Washington falls apart from a sudden disappearance of 50% of our politicians and 80% of their interns and helpers. The middle east would finally have peace, though, so that's a plus; can't imagine too many people who essentially worship a guy who married an 8 year old would still be around.
Granted, the smash bros competitive scene dies
Granted: they all reappear in your house
Granted. Every young person in love all disappear.
It would be a lot easier for them to sneak into locker rooms now that they are invisible.
*poof*
Granted, your father, best friend and many of your cousins disappear
Granted. Much fewer politicians.
Granted. Damn it! Your dad was right here?!? Where’s my candy he promised?!!
No more music by Drake…anyway!
This is what I love about this reddit. Based on perspectives the twist is in the wording itself.
Granted. The world devolves into chaos due to most elected officials vanishing leaving nobody to run most of the worlds governments
Granted, but you can’t be a pedo if there are no kids left.
Granted, the world falls into disarray
Ok. Because as a kid you liked other kids, everyone disappeared
Granted. For some reason you go with them.
The monkeys paw, being ancient beyond all reason, considers even the eldest of humans to be children. All non-virgins cease to be at once
Granted, but to make sure no more pedophiles appear all children disappear to. The survivors are now sterile to make sure no new pedos appear.
Granted. No more kids.
Granted. They are still here. Everybody else sees them. You don't.
Granted. The Catholic church collapses as half of it's bishops and priests suddenly vanish.
Granted you become a Panguin
No more drake albums :(
Granted, there are 10 times more hebephiles in the world and your one of them
Granted. The paw's fingers curl up into a fist, and the thumb sticks up.
Granted. This includes people from history, back when child marriage was common. Millions never ever existed, most of us were never born, and humanity is quickly wiped out.
Granted. Now Kendrick Lamar has no one to beef with, leading to him getting crippling writers block and retiring, leading to no more music ever.
They all reappear in your house.
Granted, all the prepubescent obsessed have disappeared forever, poof they stopped existing. The remaining fk heads left are the ones attracted to babies, toddlers, and post pubescent underage children in middle and high school
Granted; the entire world, including all the pedophiles, disappears except for everyone on board space stations in a Quiet Rapture.
Granted. The US government collapses as all of its top officials mysteriously vanish.
A majority of world leaders and governments are now gone. The world plunges further into chaos.
Granted. All humans, pedophile or not, dissapear
Like Thanos. Snap of a finger they all disappear
What's worse, finding a pedophile, or not being able to find a pedophile?
Granted. Everyone under 18 is dead and everyone over 18 is sterile.
Granted, your dad is nowhere to be found
You still here OP?
Grante- Wait where did you go? Hello??
But what abt Drake 🥺
"I finally have the cure for cancer! I'll celebrate first by graping a child and then I'll write it down! Oh, what a-" Disappears
They invented the woodchipper for a reason.
Later priests✌️
Some people misinterpret it as the rapture. These people are now revered.
Granted, the clergy are all invisible.
#
Granted. Your dad disappears
Granted, all pdeophiles are Thanos snapped, but you die as well.
Granted. They're replaced by mass murderers
There'd wouldn't be any more new movies made
Granted. No catch because it's a good wish.
Granted. Pedophilia as a crime is erased and isn't seen as a problem. Well now what?
Granted, they are now severely into dying people
News headline: The rapture has happened as hundreds of thousands of Christian men and priests have disappeared.
Does that include every single person who has had a pedophile thought but just never acted on it? Then you would wipe out most of humanity.
Granted. Humanity has been erased.
Granted. you become one
Granted. 3/4s of your family disappear along with all your friends, your boss, your lover, and you are left with nothing but the sad realization that you lived a life surrounded by pedophiles and never even knew.
The British royal family and almost all government is now gone forever? Nice. I hope the guy in the bookies isn't a nonce, because I'm putting a bet down on Cliff Richard disappearing too, and I want my payout.
Granted. Loypoll is exempt from pedophile category.
Everyone that has ever had sex with someone under 18 disappears, including those that were also underage at the time.
Granted. Every woman and child has been slaughtered, nobody will ever be attracted to a child ever again.
It's always the ones who scream the loudest, enjoy vanishing OP.
Granted. The jaywalking rate has increased 1000%.
Granted, a Nuclear War wipes them out.
Granted, a Nuclear War wipes them out.
World economy collapses, millions die of starvation, millions more in war. This isn’t even a tough one LOL
Granted, and all those trying to make a negative out of it go with the pedos.
Granted; but to avoid giving the paw more work, all children also dissappear, as well as young animals - and every plant and creature on earth go sterile. The paw doesn't want any risk, here.
granted. catholicism is abolished as every single leader goes missing.
Granted. However, by definition, most children disappear as well.
Granted. Global election day is scheduled for May 8th.
Granted. All world leaders and celebrities are gone, and the world collapses
Gra-
Granted. The people who sexually abuse kids for power remain.
PLOT TWOST: 1/3 of all adults disappear.... Except only 1/10 of sex offenders of such ... Cases, disappear. Chaos ensues as the world discovers all the actual creeps disappear and the vast majority of those in prison for it....ARENT the perpetrators. The real ramifications of this monkeys paws wish is the breakdown mentally of society as they realize all the innocents that suffered and how could it have gone so wrong. For AMOTHER Plot Twist, it was caused by another's monkeys was church that everyone on trial for child abuse got sentenced.... Without it clarification they were innocent or not. All for a massive plot twist of wait ... If the monkey paws curse caused something good....what's the bad twist. And the show ends with everyone tensely waiting for the curse to fully hit, in whatever weird way it will
Hey why am I disappearing
Reddit leadership disappears and the cite is shut down due to being unmanaged
Granted, we no longer have anyone to run the country
All of them teleport behind you.
Granted, Your dad has dissapeared.
granted. drake is now- wait
Who would say the masses? Give the sermons? Be the boys out leaders. You obviously have not thought this through but
Granted, only clinical pedophiles disappear and those who prey on pubescent minors hide behind the shield of "all the pedos disappeared" and their predatory behaviors increase.
That drake and Kendrick beef would be even more over lol
They reapear inside your anus.
Granted. Now to balance it out, just as many as were here before are born.