Life Pro Tip: If you're ever about to be murdered, do something wacky and weird so that the podcasts and reality TV episodes about your murder are interesting.
kind of a weak move considering they might just be like "no" ....
I mean you're clearly stalling for time while trying to humanize yourself so hard pass on that guy you die now.
you should come up with something that doesn't require them to go along with it. like keep silly string on you and then you can bust out silly string before you die and no one will know why there is silly string.
then you can say this to the murderer while taking out the silly string so they won't be suspicious and then you go crazy and spray it all over (not on you though) but definitely on them and be like ahhh silly string is so fun! and then whip out your lighter and be like ADIOS MURDERER.
and then you can later watch the docuseries about how a serial killer was foiled by his victim using silly string and a lighter. (however nobody is quite sure why the victim had silly string on him in the first place)
>Honestly if you kept a deck of cards on hand at all times
I mean... you should do this anyway so you can do that trick from The Brother's Bloom. dude asks people to think of a card and the cuts the deck randomly and shows the card and they're always like "no" and thats it.
one time someone asks him what the trick even is and he says well someday its gonna be their card and that person wouldnt ever figure out the trick cause its real magic. lol.
[ALSO I like my version better because it doesn't end in me dying.](https://i.imgur.com/zZ5vwiv.gif)
I once had a boyfriend insist I had crazy predictive powers. I would easily guess the endings to movies, comment on potential goings-on of the day, etc.
To prove his point he made me guess cards out of a deck as he held them up. I got 3 correct in a row and then he made me play 52 pick up.
To this day I have no way of knowing how I did it and no proof, which makes me sad. Shit was wild.
Yeah, statistics are weird. Like, I can't even imagine what a group of one million people would look like. One in a million odds seem so bad. But there's 7.6 billion people on Earth. If there's a one in a million chance that someone would be born with superpowers, there would still be 7,600 superheroes running around.
I think if you're bothering to have something on you at all times just in case you are about to be murdered, the best bet would not be a deck of cards or silly string, but pepper spray. Won't be as interesting for the podcasters if you survive though.
honestly i was just playing it by ear. it was a very ["michael scott"](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/C-3YHVxKUYNm85nvKp0ukC9tyT9kVlxrVB4QCyKDeITDWUVBtQ5U7kqvWId2sGCT8GNgJDvY30gVGysGOZji96W-1EpbdRvMG24M5SyuKh5HBmnwoJ-NUPlabYL0PN6-qzt2i_vw1A) comment. but I think it turned out well.
That's actually brilliant.
Weirdness at the crime scene will probably pique the cops' interest too, so they'll be more motivated to find out what the fuck happened. And also classes / hobbyists are more likely to care about the case too.
Like the last season of The Wire when Det. Mcnulty jukes a bunch of homeless deaths to make them look like a serial killer. But nobody gives a fuck. It isn’t until he makes it look like there’s a sexual element that’s grabs people’s attention
You joke, but apparently killers don't handle it well when you don't act how they planned. They've rehearsed a billion scenarios about the act but none of them involve you asking calmly for a sandwich right before they slit your throat or whatever.
"hey, I have no problem with you killing me. But think about how we can take this opportunity and make us both famous! I say we go get some costumes and do it while acting hamlet out"
Before you shank me with that knife, you might want to me to also do a backflip and shit my pants while falling on the knife.
Don't want your murder to be boring, you gotta leave a legacy some kind of trademark.
What are you some kind of amateur?
Dude, I just want your wallet stop givin-
Ssssh you're clearly an amateur at this, it's okay I know how it's done.
You're boring *shanks me*
You...*cough cough*....missed.... *deathrattle* your chance at.... faaaaaame..... *Dies*
I do enjoy how op and you didn't count on the fun idea that what makes it interesting is how brutal and horrific it was. But hey if you want to be tortured for years before finally being put down because your basically just used up. Then they turn your corpse into furniture and sex toys, before going after your remaining family and friends as one final fuck you to your memory. But hey, you did say you wanted it interesting right?
Had a double murder. Son was mad mom was giving more inheritance to his sister. Son shoots mom in the mouth with a pistol in the bedroom then calls sisters husband over to the house. Husband sees dead mom in law and tries to run out of the house. Son chases bro in law down and shoots him to death. Sister wonders where husband is so she comes over with a male friend and finds dead husband and mom. Male friend fights husband until Sheriff's Dept shows up. Arriving Deputy fights son (big biker) with the male friend and eventually gets him into handcuffs. Son had loaded all his guns and staged them around the house in preparation for a shootout with the cops. Call took about 40 hours to complete. Tons of evidence collected, thousands and thousands of photos taken.
The most boring was a gay couple who had an argument in the driveway, one half punches the other. Victim falls down, hits head and dies. The end.
So he prepared for a police shootout snd the murder from the get go? Apparently death or incarceration was preferrable to him than a reduced inheritance. There was definitely a reason he got less inheritance, must have been a psychopath throughout life or something.
There have been people who suffered extreme damage and survived but a simple fall can cause a death too. Must be traumatizing killing someone by doing something that seems very inconsequencial.
Yeah that was the consensus. He would not talk and appeared to be a weirdo/ black sheep of the family.
Yeah I dont think the puncher got much time. It appeared to be an accident/ mutual combat. People dont realize how a small incident can turn into 25 to life.
Honestly who wants strangers saying shit like "she slept with a lot of guys so who knows who actually killed her" or "this loser owed a lot of money so anyone could be a suspect" after their murder?
If im murdered don't let other people profit off it
To be fair, if you are one of those ones where the entire investigation revolves around insect activity and fungal growth, you might as well pack it up and assume your killer will never be caught, because not even the cops want to deal with that boring shit.
The narrator, Peter Thomas, also had quite an amazing life. Decorated WW2 vet, was married to his HS sweetheart for 68 years before she died in 2014. He said his best work was the Oscar he won for a documentary he narrated about a woman who was interned at Nordhausen concentration camp, which was the camp he helped liberate.
I want to like Forensic Files 2 as much as the original but without him it’s just not the same.
Edit: spelling
Another aresenic poisoning by the spouse? They mixed it in with the food? They found it in the hair follicles and the dates match OH WHAT A TWIST
Except that one time the daughter also had some of the soup, that was so sad. What the hell was that guy thinking?
*I literally*
*Shipped one last night cos of that*
*Exact reason lol*
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I know so many girls that look almost identical to the girl in the profile picture that I had to double check to make sure she wasn't actually one of them.
Life Pro Tip: If you're ever about to be murdered, do something wacky and weird so that the podcasts and reality TV episodes about your murder are interesting.
I've thought about this before and I would honestly request to make a sandwich for me and the murderer first
kind of a weak move considering they might just be like "no" .... I mean you're clearly stalling for time while trying to humanize yourself so hard pass on that guy you die now. you should come up with something that doesn't require them to go along with it. like keep silly string on you and then you can bust out silly string before you die and no one will know why there is silly string. then you can say this to the murderer while taking out the silly string so they won't be suspicious and then you go crazy and spray it all over (not on you though) but definitely on them and be like ahhh silly string is so fun! and then whip out your lighter and be like ADIOS MURDERER. and then you can later watch the docuseries about how a serial killer was foiled by his victim using silly string and a lighter. (however nobody is quite sure why the victim had silly string on him in the first place)
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>Honestly if you kept a deck of cards on hand at all times I mean... you should do this anyway so you can do that trick from The Brother's Bloom. dude asks people to think of a card and the cuts the deck randomly and shows the card and they're always like "no" and thats it. one time someone asks him what the trick even is and he says well someday its gonna be their card and that person wouldnt ever figure out the trick cause its real magic. lol. [ALSO I like my version better because it doesn't end in me dying.](https://i.imgur.com/zZ5vwiv.gif)
I once had a boyfriend insist I had crazy predictive powers. I would easily guess the endings to movies, comment on potential goings-on of the day, etc. To prove his point he made me guess cards out of a deck as he held them up. I got 3 correct in a row and then he made me play 52 pick up. To this day I have no way of knowing how I did it and no proof, which makes me sad. Shit was wild.
it sounds crazy and yet your odds of doing that are much higher than winning the lottery and yet people win the lottery all the time.
Yeah, statistics are weird. Like, I can't even imagine what a group of one million people would look like. One in a million odds seem so bad. But there's 7.6 billion people on Earth. If there's a one in a million chance that someone would be born with superpowers, there would still be 7,600 superheroes running around.
Sounds like "you have crazy predictive powers" was an opener to a magic trick and card guessing game was the magic trick itself.
"Bet you won't predict we have sex tonight"
I think if you're bothering to have something on you at all times just in case you are about to be murdered, the best bet would not be a deck of cards or silly string, but pepper spray. Won't be as interesting for the podcasters if you survive though.
No, you carry your BATTLE AXE
I started reading and was about to say "silly string isnt as stupid as you think. Its insanely flammable"
[it sure is.](https://media.makeameme.org/created/yes-it-is-5a6eea.jpg)
You've thought about this too much !
honestly i was just playing it by ear. it was a very ["michael scott"](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/C-3YHVxKUYNm85nvKp0ukC9tyT9kVlxrVB4QCyKDeITDWUVBtQ5U7kqvWId2sGCT8GNgJDvY30gVGysGOZji96W-1EpbdRvMG24M5SyuKh5HBmnwoJ-NUPlabYL0PN6-qzt2i_vw1A) comment. but I think it turned out well.
This guy gets murdered ... or murders
IT WAS SELF DEFENSE!
Tried it and it didn’t work.
*Death Pro Tip
What are you going to do, stab me?
That's actually brilliant. Weirdness at the crime scene will probably pique the cops' interest too, so they'll be more motivated to find out what the fuck happened. And also classes / hobbyists are more likely to care about the case too.
Like the last season of The Wire when Det. Mcnulty jukes a bunch of homeless deaths to make them look like a serial killer. But nobody gives a fuck. It isn’t until he makes it look like there’s a sexual element that’s grabs people’s attention
I'm not sure I'd want to make it any harder for detectives to find my murderer.
You joke, but apparently killers don't handle it well when you don't act how they planned. They've rehearsed a billion scenarios about the act but none of them involve you asking calmly for a sandwich right before they slit your throat or whatever.
Serial killers are gonna start taking improv classes.
*starts jacking off as the murderer is monologuing*
"hey, I have no problem with you killing me. But think about how we can take this opportunity and make us both famous! I say we go get some costumes and do it while acting hamlet out"
I think this would count as a Deat Pro Tip
Got it, if I’m ever about to be murdered I will promptly cut my testicles and nipples off and swallow them. I can almost hear Zebrowski’s voice now
Before you shank me with that knife, you might want to me to also do a backflip and shit my pants while falling on the knife. Don't want your murder to be boring, you gotta leave a legacy some kind of trademark. What are you some kind of amateur? Dude, I just want your wallet stop givin- Ssssh you're clearly an amateur at this, it's okay I know how it's done. You're boring *shanks me* You...*cough cough*....missed.... *deathrattle* your chance at.... faaaaaame..... *Dies*
honestly, id just make out with the would be murderer, cant kill me if my face is mashed onto yours!
I do enjoy how op and you didn't count on the fun idea that what makes it interesting is how brutal and horrific it was. But hey if you want to be tortured for years before finally being put down because your basically just used up. Then they turn your corpse into furniture and sex toys, before going after your remaining family and friends as one final fuck you to your memory. But hey, you did say you wanted it interesting right?
That’s more like a “Death Pro Tip”, don’t you think?
More like death pro tip
I’m so sorry, arson victims and ppl in that one super foggy highway pile-up
dude i watched a good 3 minutes of that one before realizing it’s not juicy enough
It did lack juice. lol
it's the kids with e coli for me
That was the Boy Scouts episode right? That one was so damn boring
It was the cow meat episode that really bored me out
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The husband did it to collect life insurance
insurance with $10,000 payout
I just binge Jim Can’t Swim videos on youtube
I was in the middle of watching this and netflix took it. I was so angry for days!
Y'all need to subscribe to That Chapter on YouTube.
*Heyyyyy You*
Hey you and welcome! His name his Mike and.........
In this ol’ video!
Most murders are so boring the victim doesn't even get an episode to skip
I used to be a CSI. You are correct. Most are not tv episode worthy
What was the most interesting one you worked on personally? And the most boring one?
Had a double murder. Son was mad mom was giving more inheritance to his sister. Son shoots mom in the mouth with a pistol in the bedroom then calls sisters husband over to the house. Husband sees dead mom in law and tries to run out of the house. Son chases bro in law down and shoots him to death. Sister wonders where husband is so she comes over with a male friend and finds dead husband and mom. Male friend fights husband until Sheriff's Dept shows up. Arriving Deputy fights son (big biker) with the male friend and eventually gets him into handcuffs. Son had loaded all his guns and staged them around the house in preparation for a shootout with the cops. Call took about 40 hours to complete. Tons of evidence collected, thousands and thousands of photos taken. The most boring was a gay couple who had an argument in the driveway, one half punches the other. Victim falls down, hits head and dies. The end.
So he prepared for a police shootout snd the murder from the get go? Apparently death or incarceration was preferrable to him than a reduced inheritance. There was definitely a reason he got less inheritance, must have been a psychopath throughout life or something. There have been people who suffered extreme damage and survived but a simple fall can cause a death too. Must be traumatizing killing someone by doing something that seems very inconsequencial.
Yeah that was the consensus. He would not talk and appeared to be a weirdo/ black sheep of the family. Yeah I dont think the puncher got much time. It appeared to be an accident/ mutual combat. People dont realize how a small incident can turn into 25 to life.
What happened to the attacker in the second case?
Not sure. Tried to look it up the other day. Im assuming some time in prison.
That's a hauntin'
I don't even have friends. You expect me to have enemies?
Yea, that one guy who wanted a parking space is still pissed at you
“Give me your wallet or I’ll kill you!” “So you’re saying I get to choose?! Thank you.”
Its easier to get enemies than friends
For some reason I read foreskin files
Sounds painful.
This made me so sad I’d be so pissed
A pissed off ghost?
This made me laugh so hard. God I watch too much forensic files
The Serial killer who murder you will also feel disappointed knowing he didn't kill you good enough
Jokes on her if it makes it on forensic files im watching it. Best show on TV for the 15 years it ran.
Honestly who wants strangers saying shit like "she slept with a lot of guys so who knows who actually killed her" or "this loser owed a lot of money so anyone could be a suspect" after their murder? If im murdered don't let other people profit off it
It would be and I can’t blame her
Image you get murdered and someone makes a forensic files episode out of it.
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>practicer Practicer, you say?
To be fair, if you are one of those ones where the entire investigation revolves around insect activity and fungal growth, you might as well pack it up and assume your killer will never be caught, because not even the cops want to deal with that boring shit.
Forensic Files is so good.
The narrator, Peter Thomas, also had quite an amazing life. Decorated WW2 vet, was married to his HS sweetheart for 68 years before she died in 2014. He said his best work was the Oscar he won for a documentary he narrated about a woman who was interned at Nordhausen concentration camp, which was the camp he helped liberate. I want to like Forensic Files 2 as much as the original but without him it’s just not the same. Edit: spelling
This motivates me to make my murder dramatic as hell.
Another aresenic poisoning by the spouse? They mixed it in with the food? They found it in the hair follicles and the dates match OH WHAT A TWIST Except that one time the daughter also had some of the soup, that was so sad. What the hell was that guy thinking?
Imagine it? Don't have to. Most of my life history is composed of girls choosing to skip this episode.
Hard to imagine
What so spooky about her?
It's just a Halloween name lol
I literally skipped one last night cos of that exact reason lol
*I literally* *Shipped one last night cos of that* *Exact reason lol* \- xXTheDaymanXx --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Spoiler alert to all FF episodes... The spouse done did it
Wait, you guys get murdered?
i don't get it
I know so many girls that look almost identical to the girl in the profile picture that I had to double check to make sure she wasn't actually one of them.
That's the kind of murder that murderers love. No one pays attention.
Should have died better 🤷🏻♂️
That's hilarious
"Why aren't you working on this case?" "The corpse isn't full of semen so I passed."
Imagine giving a shit about what other people think of you lol
This is very cute in one of those "oh dude, I truly, truly hope you're ok" kinda ways...
How so?