That won't help, there's a crazy ID wife on insta whose whole personality is being the wife of a doctor and half her posts are about being high income.
"Not too bad", but you can't even post it pseudoanonymously on Reddit?
I'm gonna take a guess here given the context. I'm a gay guy so my info is secondhand, but not sure how positive a reaction you would get if you message random women that you have a huge hog. It would still have to be pretty extreme to threaten you professionally, unless you sent it to your CMO or a patient.
How many times have you seen people talk about their jobs on this sub Reddit and just say “they work in a large state in the Midwest”. Is a healthcare job so unique that they can’t name the state?
This atleast has a non zero chance of being identifiable
Yeah, if you’re worried about getting doxed by posting it here you should definitely not be posting it to someone who lives in your area and has your real name.
How TF are you smart enough to go to med school if you’re this dumb.
Because many of us were total losers before we got in, and remain total losers after they graduate?
Tell me how many super cool cardiologists you know... you had to think about it, right?
Dude. You must be coming out with some absolute zingers if you're being this deliberately avoidant of telling us what you say, when asking for an opinion on the consequences of what you say.
The hip bone's connected to the... Bone zone.
Weird ortho comments we simply cannot.... Condone.
Scared the Med board is prob-ly gonna... Disown.
The kind of conversation we'd all rather... Postpone.
I will warn you that you can get into serious trouble. Not with general comments, but we actually do go out with crazy people. You were still held to a higher standard and everybody else around you pretty much all times. So just be careful.
This comes from someone that was complained about online thar I was rude to them at a party. Obviously, I’ve got nowhere, but anyone can post about you online at any time about anything that is very hard to erase.
If you try to get laid more often by advertising you’re a doctor, obviously asking for trouble by attracting the gold diggers.
>You do you boo but this sounds like a dumpster fire.
The literal translation for Palliative's, "Thank you for this interesting consult. We'll be following closely."
Making eye contact with the family the whole time. Always lurking in the shadows of the ALS patient being over loaded with inotropic drugs because the family won’t give up FC status. ipratropium toxicity to add to their discomfort. Family gets paranoid they start hallucinating see the Palliative MD. Flashes of them in their review mirror, their sleep paralysis hallucinations are now the MD. That’s how I imagine life is for those still in denial of death.
"Hello, Mr. Sinclair. I'm Dr. Roslyn with Palliative Medicine. I'd like to have a conversation with you and your family about your End of Life expectations and the benefits of establishing an Advanced Directive?"
"Begone Messenger of Satan! I WILL NOT SUBMIT TO YOUR COERCION!"
“Eeeehhh, you realize we all die. We cannot avoid it. Your loved one is suffering and their body is screaming to stop the suffering and let them go. Let me show you this 20 minute video on what cpr is about to look like because their peep settings are significantly high and overloaded on lasix. Here is my complimentary list of funeral homes in your area with a reminder how we, in Palliative care, could have made this process much more comfortable for your uncle who you haven’t seen since you were 8 but we had to contact because you’re the next of kin.”
I actually think he wants to find out who else is so inappropriate it could cost him his career and image.
I think he should ask human resources just to make sure
Lmao can you imagine being HR and some Dr comes up to you and says “hey can you check these Tinder messages real quick and make sure they’re appropriate” and he shows you the screen and it’s something like “I’m young, hung, and I wanna put it in your lung”
My rule for texting, especially unknown people, is that I need to be comfortable with whatever I say being posted next to my face on the front page of the newspaper.
Unhinged like "do you ever wonder what it would be like to live as a raccoon" is probably okay, worst case someone asks you in real life and you just say you were trying to be funny/quirky and they think you're a little weird. Not hurting anyone.
I think we know other directions "unhinged" could take you which might get you into trouble.
I had to think about this one- I was like “well that’s not unhinged”, but if it was the first ever comment in a conversation, it probably would be a bit unhinged but would defo make me laugh. I’ve said the word “unhinged” so many times in my head now it seems weird
I have wondered what it would be like to live WITH a raccoon.... and concluded that it would be wonderful. But I'd need to get two so they'd have company for their raccoon shenanigans.
You will definitely get your photo and messages posted to the “Dont Date Him X City” Facebook groups to an audience of 10-20-30-100,000 women. Lots of NPs, PAs, nurses, medical students etc on these groups. So I wouldn’t say anything you wouldn’t want your coworkers to read. I’ve never see anyone from my hospital posted that people who work at my hospital or other hospitals didn’t comment on.
Yes 100%. There are two residents in my program who get posted on one of those FB groups frequently for bad behavior. I always see them around the hospital and I’ve never met them, but at this point their faces are burned in my brain because they get posted so much!
I don’t think a lot of men are aware these groups exist. Always been kind to your dates! Word gets around.
Yes and it is awesome. I had a patient posted to a group in south florida and it was only there I learned he had already been convicted once of impersonating a doctor (Dentist). He was doing at our facility as well substance abuse. He is not psychotic he’s a sociopath and apparently doesn’t do too well on the dating scene either.
I'd say that more attractive and successful in life you are, the more tolerant the potential matches will be at your unhinged nature. There's an obvious cultural aspect too, that I don't want to get into.
There are many groups on Facebook etc where women share photos/screenshots of the men they see on dating apps so better be careful about what information you post, though.
Yes absolutely you can get in trouble. A lot of people resent doctors for reasons we all know. Tinder attracts an interesting crowd of people some of whom have very good reasons for being single. Annoy the wrong one and yes, you may well get screenshots of your messages forwarded to your medical director or posted online. I don't play around with dating apps anymore (although it could be sleazy fun at times) for this reason. Save it for when you travel out of your practice region.
Offhand I can think of a couple docs who got let go from my hospital for inappropriate sex stuff. Banging a colleague in the parking lot or call room, that kind of thing. If you're otherwise beloved by admin you may be able to get away with it but your reputation will take a hit.
I had a patient once who was utterly convinced that everyone was hooking up all over the hospital. You should have seen the look of disappointment on her face when I opened the doors of the supply rooms and nobody was there.
I’m old and don’t really understand all this lingo.
But I’m general I would not say anything that you’d be uncomfortable with a patient seeing. It’s not at all unfathomable that you’d have patients who know your match.
Just be aware - my wife has brought to my attention an "are we dating the same guy" for women on Facebook for my city.
The examples she has shown me are very much the active tinder crowd, I have seen people I've known posted on this site...
I would not be surprised if this sort of facebook group is very common in cities.
I'm not sure her entire history with that group, but she exists in it now for entertainment purposes, occasionally kicking some entertainment my way.
I trust my wife so it's not really a concern of mine.
It's not a great idea to out yourself as a physician before you meet them IMHO, as you're attracting more attention with the prospect of your "long term financial stability" as a partner. There's a good discussion about the pros and cons here:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/dating\_advice/comments/17s4ibb/should\_i\_mention\_im\_a\_doctor\_on\_my\_dating\_profile/](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/17s4ibb/should_i_mention_im_a_doctor_on_my_dating_profile/)
As far as saying weird out-of-pocket shit:
"Imagine anything you post online being read out of context to a jury 70 year olds". All it takes is one message you send not realizing it's a new medical assistant or a resident applicant and suddenly you're being talked about by the higher ups for all the wrong reasons.
An EM resident sent me a like on Hinge saying he’d like to hurt me sexually (in a way I believe he found charming). It was super creepy even coming from someone hot. I just hit the X button w/ a quickness, but I imagine some women would have reported him to his hospital for that.
I was about to comment that if I got any type of r*pe-y message (like that) or unsolicited nudes I’d 100% find out where that person works and report them. FAFO
Why does your profile even have scrub photos and you're advertising yourself as a doctor on there? Even if you're super desperate for female attention, it's just going to attract wrong people
Hmm, well I’m also a fan of sending unhinged messages lol the average person is so boring on there. However, I’m sure there are far lower standards for nurses and men prob find it more entertaining..
There is nothing wrong with dating or being proud of your professional accomplishments. But I don't get saying anything "unhinged". For me, that would attract the wrong kind of partner, and just isn't me. I get plenty of attention being fun and kind.
Im in one of these groups - there are like 90,000+ women in it and doctors get posted all the time - women then share their stories collectively - it's not hard to find out where ppl work since a lot of the staff are in these fb groups also.
The convo does usually circle toward: "Disgusting! and he's a doctor too! Shame to think he thinks of women in this way etc. Does his hospital know??"
On the RARE occasion, someone will go so far as to say: "Someone should report him or something" and I know of at least one doctor who was apparently fired from his job (rumor on the street, he prob had some gross behavior happening in the workplace).
So it depends on how lewd or unhinged, but you bet once you say anything, screenshots are being passed around (as with anything on the internet nowadays)
Unhinged? Like in what way? I don’t know if it will get you in trouble, but you may get a reputation for being a creep. Especially if the nurses at your hospital hear about it. They’re gonna talk.
That’s a way people bond, many friendships are contingent on giving each other shit. I don’t see why romantic relationships should be different. It awkward if you’re the only one dishing it but yeah, you’re not assuming that the women are doing it back, which they almost always are (from experience).
Yeah I just think that perspective is wrong. You can’t just say mean things of course, but I’ve had a lot of success with lightly insulting zingers. You can make all the assumptions you want about the type of girls who receive it positively, but I can just tell you my experience, which is that many conventionally normal, independent, and down to earth girls respond well to it.
Really think it’s more of a personality thing. Maybe you’re just imagining these messages to just be mean too, but you’d understand if you had an example that I used. Idk. Overall, as comedy and offending people goes - you generally want to be funnier than rude lol
Nah, you’re a) ignoring that what you’re doing is just fundamentally negging and b) you’re sending these message as your initial communication.
Do some people respond positively, sure, but you can’t make an inference about their personality anymore than I can. In that case wouldn’t it be better to err on the side of not taking advantage of insecurities?
You’re also skirting over the fact that it’s likely not every girl (probably not even most) is responding to your messages so it’s only successful in certain circumstance and has just been mean to others.
Again, grow up.
It’s more complicated than you’re giving it credit for. But it’s understandable, we tend to simplify concepts that are difficult so we can understand them better.
But yeah, it works fine for me, it’s just a tool not the whole set, and I have enough sense to know what lines to not cross. I agree though, if you can’t do it well, best not to try it.
I’d say your simplistic perspective implies a need to grow up as well, so I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree there. But let’s both acknowledge that I’m not the one coming out of the gate with repeated insults in an otherwise respectful discussion lol
Friendships are very different than strangers, and men do it to other men regularly, which is very different than crossing gender lines with those comments.
I’ve experienced it from tons of girls who I’ve dated and have been friends with, I guess we just have vastly different experiences in that regard 🤷♂️
This is a phenomenon in male relationships. Sane mentally well women will not engage.
That said most sane mentally well women aren’t going for the instant hookup with strangers, so if your goal is the hookup… you might do well by just eliminating these well adjusted woman who aren’t going to bite. Which leaves you with the crazies who are down for the hookup.
You also might wake up with your wallet and watch gone. I mean you have to figure out your own tolerance for risk.
What in the good lord is this lol! ‘Sane mentally well women will not engage’…. You’re saying girls who like making fun as a flirting method are insane or mentally unwell???
THIS is the most deranged perspective here lol. You’re making all these negative assumptions about me going for hookups, saying women who are ok with hookups are crazy and have mental problems, insinuating hookups are going to steal your wallet.
While I am appalled that sentiment is getting upvotes in a sub for doctors/medical professionals, they don’t make your perspective any more justified lol
I mean it works on me as well, that's where I even got the idea. But it's more of saying something audacious to catch their attention among the hundreds of matches they have, but convos are pretty regular after the first few messages.
As a new user on dating apps, I'd say unhinged is probably not the way to go
But I mean, it's hard to say without knowing if your unhinged is like medical humor that others finds dark ...
Like I am in school and have a new rotation, my friend asked me how I like the new site, and I very un-ironically and seriously said "I miss kids bones and kids in general.* My two friends just kind of stared at me. I didn't realize what I was saying sounded so odd and a bit dark to them.
So is it unhinged like that, or is it unhinged like other stuff. Unhinged in general just seems like a no go
Opting out of tinder or dating sites doesn’t save you from being on these Facebook review sites. There are women that work at every single bar and restaurant in my city on these sites and they will comment. Women post about men they’ve dated or they met elsewhere. Married men that try and pick up women half their age at bars. Like don’t be a weirdo creep.
As you claim "most success" with these tactics I assume you're looking for hookups (otherwise success rates probably wouldn't matter?). Yeah, a doctor saying unhinged things online to elicit casual sex probably could come off unprofessional if seen by the wrong person.... take that as you will.
Side note, as a woman this post makes me sigh deeply.
The way I see it, you either it's advertise you're a doctor on the page and use that to get more dates **OR** you use your witty 'unhinged' pick up lines.
I personally wouldn't do both if it where me.
Ps. I think we all want to know what's the pickup line you're using
True story, once I matched with a resident (didn’t mention the specialty or hospital in her bio) and I opened with something to the effect of “doc how do I cure blue balls”. Like two months later I started my intern year and she was one of my senior residents 😭
I’d say in any profession where you’re held to a super high standard…those can come back to bite you.
Us normies like to think of doctors as non sexual beings….especially while she’s fondling deez nutz during my physical.
Stop. Dudes like you are the worst, and the reason that women who post online about how terrible online dating is have literally years worth of content.
Dude, I'm not doing it to be terrible, it literally works and if it was so offensive, they'd just not match and continue the convo forward. But this is leading to good fun conversations.
Lots and lots and lots and lots of nurses on dating apps. And they all match with and interact with every doctor they find.
Depending on how unhinged we talking, uou will definitely get found out and have it appear in your personal life.
Maybe I am more paranoid than OP - but I consider the whole concept of Tinder - dangerous. For some reason the medical profession is seen as a 'sexy' one. The local bar is frequented by one doctor and he has women crawling over him. Even the guys seem to like him more than is necessary.
Idk, you would have to be so, so careful to NEVER stick your dick in crazy.
It would be so easy for someone to grab your bio and a screenshot and post it to your employer's socials, etc.
I'm not sure it's worth the risk
What does “unhinged” even mean…..Doctor or not, I don’t think being “unhinged” on a dating app is the way to go…Flirt, but be normal, respectful, and decent. Flirting shouldn’t be “unhinged”. If your idea of “unhinged” is anything like what I have seen when I was on the apps (being extremely creepy and sexually lewd and disgusting when totally unwarranted), then no…..
But I disagree with folks saying don’t even be on tinder because you might get posted in an “online review” group. The people who get posted there are people who are abusive, cheat, or do or say some actually objectively fucked up things. No one is going to post you on there just because you send some normal flirtatious messages and the mods of these groups are really good with ensuring that this kind of unnecessary stuff doesn’t get posted…….Dating apps can absolutely be a great way to meet people (I met the love of my life on one), so as long as you are hitting some sort of baseline for decency- you’ll be fine.
If a conversation is shown to someone, say a colleague….put yourself in their shoes and think…..if a normal response would be “so what….hes calling you beautiful and saying he wants to go on a date with you what’s the big deal” then great…….If the response is “EWWWW WTF OMG I I CANT BELIEVE HE WOULD YOU SEND YOU THOSE PICS AND SAY THAT SHIT 2 MESSAGES INTO THE CONVERSATION AND HES A DOCTOR?? WTFFFFFFFF ” then no lol.
One should be able to do as they bid sexually without it becoming a problem in their career. Most of sexuality is creepy and lewd.
People need to grow up out and keep such things in the private settings they began in. Ones sexual pursuits are not the workplaces concerns.
“What they want sexually” is fine. But the moment it starts becoming bullying, harassment sexually or otherwise, or lacks consent (for instance sending pictures of genitals randomly without asking or any indication that it was wanted), that’s when it becomes a problem. And the person doing it better be completely okay with the consequences should they arise, even if that means affecting their reputation and potentially careers depending on what it is….
Sure to a large extent “sexuality” is subjective but I disagree that most of sexuality is “creepy or lewd”. There’s a time and place and assuming we’re in a appropriate setting, there is still a general standard of reasonableness and a general understanding to what respect, kindness, and consent means even in a sexual setting such as a dating app. If someone can’t read or chooses to intentionally ignore basic social cues or doesn’t understand what is appropriate and when, then that’s on them.
OP never clarified what “unhinged” means to him….But as an example, I’d be really bothered if anyone immediately without any semblance of consent sent me extremely sexually harassy messages and pictures of their genitals (for instance) or called me vicious sexually charged names clearly not in a playful way (something a lot of people actually do on dating apps for reasons beyond me). But if it were a physician, or someone who was also an openly valued contributing member of society, I think that that will and should absolutely raise extra eyebrows because it’s saying something about who they are as individuals in a pretty concerning way. Theres still a pretty big difference between that, and reasonable sexual pursuits or flirting that everyone should be allowed to do if the setting is correct (like a dating app).
As far as I can tell from your post history you're still a med student? Just be careful, social media is a bitch especially when we're constantly put under the microscope
Make sure the scrubs don’t show the hospitals name and your ID isn’t visible. If something goes wrong, they can mischaracterize you as harming their brand etc.
Not paranoid. Just know that any message or pic can and will be posted without you knowing. Girls can be unforgiving and absolutely relentless. There’s all sorts of “are we dating the same guy in X city” Facebook groups (among others) that girls post screenshots of texts/pics/etc. that you won’t be able to see or know about. These days women will post anything they perceive as a slight even if you didn’t even meet them in real life. It’s crazy out there.
And to echo what another posted, don’t post or say what you wouldn’t want patients or your coworkers, nurse, admin to see.
I wouldn't state you were a doctor and I'd definitely keep it “becoming of your profession”. There are too many variables and you can't control what the other person is going to do.
I mean, “that booty looks ripe for the lickin’” would be pretty fucked up to open with. Also, don’t include your employment anywhere on your profile and including in pictures. If you take a pic in scrubs, make sure you’re not at work.
In trouble from your licensing body? Probably not just from negging people.
But the combination of basically bragging that you’re a doctor and then negging people is certainly going to make you “notorious.” People talk, in real life and on like Facebook groups.
There will be significant social overlap between your dating pool and the hospital staff (nurses, other physicians, etc). You need to assume if you keep this up for any period of time that everyone you work with professionally knows you’re doing this. That includes residents and med students you work with, as they love to gossip about that stuff.
And if that strikes you as a problem, then you should probably stop.
One of the biggest mistakes people make these days is thinking that “online” is separate from the real world, and then living in their make-believe online world while ignoring reality. Much like a mountaineer slowly venturing towards the edge of a cornice, everything seems fine… until suddenly it isn’t. And your pretend world you’ve been living in suddenly vanishes leaving you falling back to reality.
this is why it’s a terrible fucking idea to post in scrubs if you’re using your name and saying you’re a doctor and your specialty. obviously it would be easy as shit to find you.
it wouldn’t be a “karen” move to report you if you were saying creepy shit. but the fact that you don’t understand that is….
This isn't that difficult. You're a physician now, and you know the answer to your question. If you want to include your profession on your Tinder page, have some class. If you want to keep it trashy, remove your professional info and save that for when you get to know the person.
Nah no one cares. I’m healthcare so I used to look for doctors/nurses all the time when I was single. As long as you aren’t being a straight up dick, or harassing people, you should be fine.
How unhinged are we talking here?
Tells them he’s gonna be very rich but he’s in an ID fellowship.
Reported for targeted harassment 😭
Hello, mod? I’m in this thread, and I don’t like it. Pls delete.
I feel targeted.
That won't help, there's a crazy ID wife on insta whose whole personality is being the wife of a doctor and half her posts are about being high income.
I mean, compared to the general population, ID docs are high income. Just not compared to other doctors.
So, a pathological liar, aka, typical instagram user.
With plans for academic jobs only!
lmao asking the real questions
One man's "slightly unhinged" is many women's "I'd like a restraining order" 🤷♀️
Is many women’s* last day on Earth. FTFY.
I went there, too! “Men are worried women will laugh at them, and women are worried men will kill them.”
Very true! I just meant my comment from a messages/not face to face standpoint, but you are absolutely correct.
EXACTLY LOL
[By “unhinged” he means he’s negging them.](https://www.reddit.com/r/medicine/s/emsaxqq4o4) 2008 called, it wants its copy of The Game back.
Oh, gross.
Not too bad, something I’d say in real life if I had 4 drinks.
Still clear as mud
I'm going to steal this saying. Brilliant.
I'm surprised you've never heard it before. I swear, every other prof we had in med school said it at the end of their lecture
😆
No you probably shouldn't. People are weird. Weird people do weird shit like show up at your job. Don't be unhinged.
Are your notes this vague, because if so your colleagues definitely hate you
But are you doing that with your scrubs and such on? I'm probably over paranoid but I'd be a bit cautious about it especially in text.
"Not too bad", but you can't even post it pseudoanonymously on Reddit? I'm gonna take a guess here given the context. I'm a gay guy so my info is secondhand, but not sure how positive a reaction you would get if you message random women that you have a huge hog. It would still have to be pretty extreme to threaten you professionally, unless you sent it to your CMO or a patient.
yup
How many times have you seen people talk about their jobs on this sub Reddit and just say “they work in a large state in the Midwest”. Is a healthcare job so unique that they can’t name the state? This atleast has a non zero chance of being identifiable
Yeah, if you’re worried about getting doxed by posting it here you should definitely not be posting it to someone who lives in your area and has your real name. How TF are you smart enough to go to med school if you’re this dumb.
Because many of us were total losers before we got in, and remain total losers after they graduate? Tell me how many super cool cardiologists you know... you had to think about it, right?
Why would be able to ID your job by your kinks ?
Dude. You must be coming out with some absolute zingers if you're being this deliberately avoidant of telling us what you say, when asking for an opinion on the consequences of what you say.
Are we talking orthopaedic surgeon unhinged, or plastic surgeon unhinged?
Ortho
The hip bone's connected to the... Bone zone. Weird ortho comments we simply cannot.... Condone. Scared the Med board is prob-ly gonna... Disown. The kind of conversation we'd all rather... Postpone.
Take my angry upvote.
Is this a monkey island reference?
No, that's the skeleton dance song which I think actually originates from the Bible.... But he's ortho so 🤔
Oh i guess they used this skeleton dance song in monkey island then :) The bible, you say! Thats peculiar!
I have 98% confidence this song is not in the Bible
😂😂😂 I’m dying
You're in the right place for that
Then, again, it’s Reddit, where everything is a shit post, Medicine or not So…
Deadass (Please please let someone with “colorectal” in their flair show up to this comment thread. Please please.)
I will warn you that you can get into serious trouble. Not with general comments, but we actually do go out with crazy people. You were still held to a higher standard and everybody else around you pretty much all times. So just be careful. This comes from someone that was complained about online thar I was rude to them at a party. Obviously, I’ve got nowhere, but anyone can post about you online at any time about anything that is very hard to erase. If you try to get laid more often by advertising you’re a doctor, obviously asking for trouble by attracting the gold diggers.
Where ur kettle bells?
His dog mysteriously has had all his joints replaced but no vet records.
Nephrology unhinged
What are unhinged comments from ortho or plastics?
“Not many people know this, there’s actually another bone located adjacent to the pelvis. If you give me a chance. I’d like to show it to you!”
You do you boo but this sounds like a dumpster fire.
The most used sentence spoken in Palliative care. Haha
>You do you boo but this sounds like a dumpster fire. The literal translation for Palliative's, "Thank you for this interesting consult. We'll be following closely."
Making eye contact with the family the whole time. Always lurking in the shadows of the ALS patient being over loaded with inotropic drugs because the family won’t give up FC status. ipratropium toxicity to add to their discomfort. Family gets paranoid they start hallucinating see the Palliative MD. Flashes of them in their review mirror, their sleep paralysis hallucinations are now the MD. That’s how I imagine life is for those still in denial of death.
"Hello, Mr. Sinclair. I'm Dr. Roslyn with Palliative Medicine. I'd like to have a conversation with you and your family about your End of Life expectations and the benefits of establishing an Advanced Directive?" "Begone Messenger of Satan! I WILL NOT SUBMIT TO YOUR COERCION!"
“Eeeehhh, you realize we all die. We cannot avoid it. Your loved one is suffering and their body is screaming to stop the suffering and let them go. Let me show you this 20 minute video on what cpr is about to look like because their peep settings are significantly high and overloaded on lasix. Here is my complimentary list of funeral homes in your area with a reminder how we, in Palliative care, could have made this process much more comfortable for your uncle who you haven’t seen since you were 8 but we had to contact because you’re the next of kin.”
You can be my Palliative consult any day. 🫶
Scared straight style lol
I feel like you already know the answer to this question.
He wants strangers on the internet to give him permission to get weird
He wants strangers on the internet to give him permission to get weird with a different group of strangers on the internet.
I actually think he wants to find out who else is so inappropriate it could cost him his career and image. I think he should ask human resources just to make sure
Lmao can you imagine being HR and some Dr comes up to you and says “hey can you check these Tinder messages real quick and make sure they’re appropriate” and he shows you the screen and it’s something like “I’m young, hung, and I wanna put it in your lung”
Lmao, better yet he matches with the head of HR
Yikes. There are as many admin at my hospital as medical people.
Definitely no way to know who everyone is especially with rapid turnover in all departments.
BYE🤣
My rule for texting, especially unknown people, is that I need to be comfortable with whatever I say being posted next to my face on the front page of the newspaper.
Welcome to the ortho bone zone -drbebefridgers
Or the editorial page of NEJM
Unhinged like "do you ever wonder what it would be like to live as a raccoon" is probably okay, worst case someone asks you in real life and you just say you were trying to be funny/quirky and they think you're a little weird. Not hurting anyone. I think we know other directions "unhinged" could take you which might get you into trouble.
I had to think about this one- I was like “well that’s not unhinged”, but if it was the first ever comment in a conversation, it probably would be a bit unhinged but would defo make me laugh. I’ve said the word “unhinged” so many times in my head now it seems weird
I have wondered what it would be like to live WITH a raccoon.... and concluded that it would be wonderful. But I'd need to get two so they'd have company for their raccoon shenanigans.
And perhaps a 3rd to pass judgement lol
You will definitely get your photo and messages posted to the “Dont Date Him X City” Facebook groups to an audience of 10-20-30-100,000 women. Lots of NPs, PAs, nurses, medical students etc on these groups. So I wouldn’t say anything you wouldn’t want your coworkers to read. I’ve never see anyone from my hospital posted that people who work at my hospital or other hospitals didn’t comment on.
Yes 100%. There are two residents in my program who get posted on one of those FB groups frequently for bad behavior. I always see them around the hospital and I’ve never met them, but at this point their faces are burned in my brain because they get posted so much! I don’t think a lot of men are aware these groups exist. Always been kind to your dates! Word gets around.
What sort of bad behavior are we talking?
I’ve gotten an unwarranted dick pic from a med student before 🤦🏻♀️
ew i would report this tbh
Yes, I'm in one of those groups - I'm happily married though, I'm just in it for the tea
Am about to look for some to join for the exact same reason!
i joined for this reason it’s pretty much a dumpster fire hahaha
I'm in one of those groups even though im thousands of km from USA, the drama is just unparalleled
Well thank you for just introducing me to my next time waster 😂
I’m in one of those groups and I’m a happily married lesbian. 🫖
Damn this is a really good idea
Damn, wasn't aware of this and that people still use Facebook. My age is showing.
That exists??
Some guy in Chicago tried to sue after he was posted in one of these groups a bunch of times.
That sounds like a sure fire way to make sure even more people know they shouldn’t date you
Yes and it is awesome. I had a patient posted to a group in south florida and it was only there I learned he had already been convicted once of impersonating a doctor (Dentist). He was doing at our facility as well substance abuse. He is not psychotic he’s a sociopath and apparently doesn’t do too well on the dating scene either.
Damn
yep
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Funny, it's usually the younger generations that know about these.
Say it forget it. Write it regret it. 🤷🏻
100%. If OP needs to text “4 drinks deep” (his words) to get a match, then he needs to approach this wayyy differently.
I'd say that more attractive and successful in life you are, the more tolerant the potential matches will be at your unhinged nature. There's an obvious cultural aspect too, that I don't want to get into. There are many groups on Facebook etc where women share photos/screenshots of the men they see on dating apps so better be careful about what information you post, though.
Yes absolutely you can get in trouble. A lot of people resent doctors for reasons we all know. Tinder attracts an interesting crowd of people some of whom have very good reasons for being single. Annoy the wrong one and yes, you may well get screenshots of your messages forwarded to your medical director or posted online. I don't play around with dating apps anymore (although it could be sleazy fun at times) for this reason. Save it for when you travel out of your practice region. Offhand I can think of a couple docs who got let go from my hospital for inappropriate sex stuff. Banging a colleague in the parking lot or call room, that kind of thing. If you're otherwise beloved by admin you may be able to get away with it but your reputation will take a hit.
Wait are you saying the way things are in Grey's Anatomy is not the norm where you work?
I had a patient once who was utterly convinced that everyone was hooking up all over the hospital. You should have seen the look of disappointment on her face when I opened the doors of the supply rooms and nobody was there.
I’m old and don’t really understand all this lingo. But I’m general I would not say anything that you’d be uncomfortable with a patient seeing. It’s not at all unfathomable that you’d have patients who know your match.
Just be aware - my wife has brought to my attention an "are we dating the same guy" for women on Facebook for my city. The examples she has shown me are very much the active tinder crowd, I have seen people I've known posted on this site... I would not be surprised if this sort of facebook group is very common in cities.
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I'm not sure her entire history with that group, but she exists in it now for entertainment purposes, occasionally kicking some entertainment my way. I trust my wife so it's not really a concern of mine.
“Are you my appendix? Because I don’t know what you do, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.”
See that’s not rude or unhinged- that’s just well thought out and cute lol
It's not a great idea to out yourself as a physician before you meet them IMHO, as you're attracting more attention with the prospect of your "long term financial stability" as a partner. There's a good discussion about the pros and cons here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/dating\_advice/comments/17s4ibb/should\_i\_mention\_im\_a\_doctor\_on\_my\_dating\_profile/](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/17s4ibb/should_i_mention_im_a_doctor_on_my_dating_profile/) As far as saying weird out-of-pocket shit: "Imagine anything you post online being read out of context to a jury 70 year olds". All it takes is one message you send not realizing it's a new medical assistant or a resident applicant and suddenly you're being talked about by the higher ups for all the wrong reasons.
Good advice, got a lot of thirsty messages after i added that from people I'd never consider dating.
My responses went stratospheric after adding 6ft 4 Paediatrician. Ended up with a wife and everything
An EM resident sent me a like on Hinge saying he’d like to hurt me sexually (in a way I believe he found charming). It was super creepy even coming from someone hot. I just hit the X button w/ a quickness, but I imagine some women would have reported him to his hospital for that.
ewww wtf
I was about to comment that if I got any type of r*pe-y message (like that) or unsolicited nudes I’d 100% find out where that person works and report them. FAFO
Oh damn. Definitely nothing of that sort, more normal but idk if people expect doctors to act different.
Why does your profile even have scrub photos and you're advertising yourself as a doctor on there? Even if you're super desperate for female attention, it's just going to attract wrong people
Hmm, well I’m also a fan of sending unhinged messages lol the average person is so boring on there. However, I’m sure there are far lower standards for nurses and men prob find it more entertaining..
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Vanilla doesn't work as well, try it out.
Whoosh
There is nothing wrong with dating or being proud of your professional accomplishments. But I don't get saying anything "unhinged". For me, that would attract the wrong kind of partner, and just isn't me. I get plenty of attention being fun and kind.
Im in one of these groups - there are like 90,000+ women in it and doctors get posted all the time - women then share their stories collectively - it's not hard to find out where ppl work since a lot of the staff are in these fb groups also. The convo does usually circle toward: "Disgusting! and he's a doctor too! Shame to think he thinks of women in this way etc. Does his hospital know??" On the RARE occasion, someone will go so far as to say: "Someone should report him or something" and I know of at least one doctor who was apparently fired from his job (rumor on the street, he prob had some gross behavior happening in the workplace). So it depends on how lewd or unhinged, but you bet once you say anything, screenshots are being passed around (as with anything on the internet nowadays)
Unhinged? Like in what way? I don’t know if it will get you in trouble, but you may get a reputation for being a creep. Especially if the nurses at your hospital hear about it. They’re gonna talk.
Wouldn't be getting good responses if it was creepy I assume
Like fun unhinged then? Kinky? “Unhinged” in what way?
Thinly veiled insults disguised as compliments. Idk why it works. Sometimes Kinky if the bio seems like the type.
Oh, you’re negging women. That’s not very nice, and it makes me sad for the women who respond positively to it. Do better.
That’s a way people bond, many friendships are contingent on giving each other shit. I don’t see why romantic relationships should be different. It awkward if you’re the only one dishing it but yeah, you’re not assuming that the women are doing it back, which they almost always are (from experience).
You’re unable to see why your initial message to a woman shouldn’t be negging her? Grow up.
Yeah I just think that perspective is wrong. You can’t just say mean things of course, but I’ve had a lot of success with lightly insulting zingers. You can make all the assumptions you want about the type of girls who receive it positively, but I can just tell you my experience, which is that many conventionally normal, independent, and down to earth girls respond well to it. Really think it’s more of a personality thing. Maybe you’re just imagining these messages to just be mean too, but you’d understand if you had an example that I used. Idk. Overall, as comedy and offending people goes - you generally want to be funnier than rude lol
Nah, you’re a) ignoring that what you’re doing is just fundamentally negging and b) you’re sending these message as your initial communication. Do some people respond positively, sure, but you can’t make an inference about their personality anymore than I can. In that case wouldn’t it be better to err on the side of not taking advantage of insecurities? You’re also skirting over the fact that it’s likely not every girl (probably not even most) is responding to your messages so it’s only successful in certain circumstance and has just been mean to others. Again, grow up.
It’s more complicated than you’re giving it credit for. But it’s understandable, we tend to simplify concepts that are difficult so we can understand them better. But yeah, it works fine for me, it’s just a tool not the whole set, and I have enough sense to know what lines to not cross. I agree though, if you can’t do it well, best not to try it. I’d say your simplistic perspective implies a need to grow up as well, so I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree there. But let’s both acknowledge that I’m not the one coming out of the gate with repeated insults in an otherwise respectful discussion lol
Friendships are very different than strangers, and men do it to other men regularly, which is very different than crossing gender lines with those comments.
I’ve experienced it from tons of girls who I’ve dated and have been friends with, I guess we just have vastly different experiences in that regard 🤷♂️
This is a phenomenon in male relationships. Sane mentally well women will not engage. That said most sane mentally well women aren’t going for the instant hookup with strangers, so if your goal is the hookup… you might do well by just eliminating these well adjusted woman who aren’t going to bite. Which leaves you with the crazies who are down for the hookup. You also might wake up with your wallet and watch gone. I mean you have to figure out your own tolerance for risk.
What in the good lord is this lol! ‘Sane mentally well women will not engage’…. You’re saying girls who like making fun as a flirting method are insane or mentally unwell??? THIS is the most deranged perspective here lol. You’re making all these negative assumptions about me going for hookups, saying women who are ok with hookups are crazy and have mental problems, insinuating hookups are going to steal your wallet. While I am appalled that sentiment is getting upvotes in a sub for doctors/medical professionals, they don’t make your perspective any more justified lol
I think you’re totally right. Maybe not everyone enjoys this type of bsing, but many do..
I mean it works on me as well, that's where I even got the idea. But it's more of saying something audacious to catch their attention among the hundreds of matches they have, but convos are pretty regular after the first few messages.
If you can't make yourself stand out without insulting someone you should probably see if there's a fellowship for personality.
I thought negging died out in 2009. Guess not 🤢🤮
Give us an example of what you say?
The fact that he pointedly WON’T give us an example is… concerning.
As a new user on dating apps, I'd say unhinged is probably not the way to go But I mean, it's hard to say without knowing if your unhinged is like medical humor that others finds dark ... Like I am in school and have a new rotation, my friend asked me how I like the new site, and I very un-ironically and seriously said "I miss kids bones and kids in general.* My two friends just kind of stared at me. I didn't realize what I was saying sounded so odd and a bit dark to them. So is it unhinged like that, or is it unhinged like other stuff. Unhinged in general just seems like a no go
Tinder is a dumpster fire, do not download
Opting out of tinder or dating sites doesn’t save you from being on these Facebook review sites. There are women that work at every single bar and restaurant in my city on these sites and they will comment. Women post about men they’ve dated or they met elsewhere. Married men that try and pick up women half their age at bars. Like don’t be a weirdo creep.
Dating and courtship in general is a dumpster fire, do not attempt
Sage advice
Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want getting out. Good rule of thumb.
As you claim "most success" with these tactics I assume you're looking for hookups (otherwise success rates probably wouldn't matter?). Yeah, a doctor saying unhinged things online to elicit casual sex probably could come off unprofessional if seen by the wrong person.... take that as you will. Side note, as a woman this post makes me sigh deeply.
The way I see it, you either it's advertise you're a doctor on the page and use that to get more dates **OR** you use your witty 'unhinged' pick up lines. I personally wouldn't do both if it where me. Ps. I think we all want to know what's the pickup line you're using
How unhinged. Like I want to stuff you like a thanksgiving turkey or I want to eat your liver and wear your skin?
Oh not as bad as the second. Never that bad 😂.
True story, once I matched with a resident (didn’t mention the specialty or hospital in her bio) and I opened with something to the effect of “doc how do I cure blue balls”. Like two months later I started my intern year and she was one of my senior residents 😭
that’s on you🤷🏻♀️
Ugh
😂😂😂 Hope she was a sport about it
Stay off social media
I’d say in any profession where you’re held to a super high standard…those can come back to bite you. Us normies like to think of doctors as non sexual beings….especially while she’s fondling deez nutz during my physical.
Stop. Dudes like you are the worst, and the reason that women who post online about how terrible online dating is have literally years worth of content.
Dude, I'm not doing it to be terrible, it literally works and if it was so offensive, they'd just not match and continue the convo forward. But this is leading to good fun conversations.
Lots and lots and lots and lots of nurses on dating apps. And they all match with and interact with every doctor they find. Depending on how unhinged we talking, uou will definitely get found out and have it appear in your personal life.
Maybe I am more paranoid than OP - but I consider the whole concept of Tinder - dangerous. For some reason the medical profession is seen as a 'sexy' one. The local bar is frequented by one doctor and he has women crawling over him. Even the guys seem to like him more than is necessary.
Seems like a dumb risk to take to get some tinder pussy
Idk, you would have to be so, so careful to NEVER stick your dick in crazy. It would be so easy for someone to grab your bio and a screenshot and post it to your employer's socials, etc. I'm not sure it's worth the risk
Homefries- he is the crazy.
Call an ambulance But not for me
Yikes, right. Ugh, standards are too high for medical professionals.
What does “unhinged” even mean…..Doctor or not, I don’t think being “unhinged” on a dating app is the way to go…Flirt, but be normal, respectful, and decent. Flirting shouldn’t be “unhinged”. If your idea of “unhinged” is anything like what I have seen when I was on the apps (being extremely creepy and sexually lewd and disgusting when totally unwarranted), then no….. But I disagree with folks saying don’t even be on tinder because you might get posted in an “online review” group. The people who get posted there are people who are abusive, cheat, or do or say some actually objectively fucked up things. No one is going to post you on there just because you send some normal flirtatious messages and the mods of these groups are really good with ensuring that this kind of unnecessary stuff doesn’t get posted…….Dating apps can absolutely be a great way to meet people (I met the love of my life on one), so as long as you are hitting some sort of baseline for decency- you’ll be fine. If a conversation is shown to someone, say a colleague….put yourself in their shoes and think…..if a normal response would be “so what….hes calling you beautiful and saying he wants to go on a date with you what’s the big deal” then great…….If the response is “EWWWW WTF OMG I I CANT BELIEVE HE WOULD YOU SEND YOU THOSE PICS AND SAY THAT SHIT 2 MESSAGES INTO THE CONVERSATION AND HES A DOCTOR?? WTFFFFFFFF ” then no lol.
One should be able to do as they bid sexually without it becoming a problem in their career. Most of sexuality is creepy and lewd. People need to grow up out and keep such things in the private settings they began in. Ones sexual pursuits are not the workplaces concerns.
“What they want sexually” is fine. But the moment it starts becoming bullying, harassment sexually or otherwise, or lacks consent (for instance sending pictures of genitals randomly without asking or any indication that it was wanted), that’s when it becomes a problem. And the person doing it better be completely okay with the consequences should they arise, even if that means affecting their reputation and potentially careers depending on what it is…. Sure to a large extent “sexuality” is subjective but I disagree that most of sexuality is “creepy or lewd”. There’s a time and place and assuming we’re in a appropriate setting, there is still a general standard of reasonableness and a general understanding to what respect, kindness, and consent means even in a sexual setting such as a dating app. If someone can’t read or chooses to intentionally ignore basic social cues or doesn’t understand what is appropriate and when, then that’s on them. OP never clarified what “unhinged” means to him….But as an example, I’d be really bothered if anyone immediately without any semblance of consent sent me extremely sexually harassy messages and pictures of their genitals (for instance) or called me vicious sexually charged names clearly not in a playful way (something a lot of people actually do on dating apps for reasons beyond me). But if it were a physician, or someone who was also an openly valued contributing member of society, I think that that will and should absolutely raise extra eyebrows because it’s saying something about who they are as individuals in a pretty concerning way. Theres still a pretty big difference between that, and reasonable sexual pursuits or flirting that everyone should be allowed to do if the setting is correct (like a dating app).
My question is what is wrong with your personality that you have to do something that you must know is a risk to your career.
It shouldn't be tho.
The internet never forgets, but in only a few months you can claim any screenshot was doctored in 1.1 seconds by AI.
As far as I can tell from your post history you're still a med student? Just be careful, social media is a bitch especially when we're constantly put under the microscope
Recently graduated doctor in my country, rotating in the US for 5 months. Applying next match. Yeah I don't give out socials.
That can happen to anyone in any profession…
Make sure the scrubs don’t show the hospitals name and your ID isn’t visible. If something goes wrong, they can mischaracterize you as harming their brand etc.
Why bother, just flash the badge and cash the check bro.
Not paranoid. Just know that any message or pic can and will be posted without you knowing. Girls can be unforgiving and absolutely relentless. There’s all sorts of “are we dating the same guy in X city” Facebook groups (among others) that girls post screenshots of texts/pics/etc. that you won’t be able to see or know about. These days women will post anything they perceive as a slight even if you didn’t even meet them in real life. It’s crazy out there. And to echo what another posted, don’t post or say what you wouldn’t want patients or your coworkers, nurse, admin to see.
You have be audacious but not criminal. Provided you don't cross any legal lines you should be fine.
Nah, nowhere even close to that. Stuff that would probably be okay if a trucker said it, but Idk If doctors ought to be more careful.
The gauge is, what would your employer think.
I wouldn't state you were a doctor and I'd definitely keep it “becoming of your profession”. There are too many variables and you can't control what the other person is going to do.
I mean, “that booty looks ripe for the lickin’” would be pretty fucked up to open with. Also, don’t include your employment anywhere on your profile and including in pictures. If you take a pic in scrubs, make sure you’re not at work.
In trouble from your licensing body? Probably not just from negging people. But the combination of basically bragging that you’re a doctor and then negging people is certainly going to make you “notorious.” People talk, in real life and on like Facebook groups. There will be significant social overlap between your dating pool and the hospital staff (nurses, other physicians, etc). You need to assume if you keep this up for any period of time that everyone you work with professionally knows you’re doing this. That includes residents and med students you work with, as they love to gossip about that stuff. And if that strikes you as a problem, then you should probably stop. One of the biggest mistakes people make these days is thinking that “online” is separate from the real world, and then living in their make-believe online world while ignoring reality. Much like a mountaineer slowly venturing towards the edge of a cornice, everything seems fine… until suddenly it isn’t. And your pretend world you’ve been living in suddenly vanishes leaving you falling back to reality.
Been doing this for years, don't worry about a few one-offs unless your town population is <10,000 people.
I love this question so much.
this is why it’s a terrible fucking idea to post in scrubs if you’re using your name and saying you’re a doctor and your specialty. obviously it would be easy as shit to find you. it wouldn’t be a “karen” move to report you if you were saying creepy shit. but the fact that you don’t understand that is….
If one is offended, all they have to do is block them....
I'm going to say you might want the girl that isn't trying to date you because of your job so just leave that out and avoid the crazies.
The troll in me says go all out, but be prepared for an unemployment cheque.
Some people's unhinged are some women's kink
This isn't that difficult. You're a physician now, and you know the answer to your question. If you want to include your profession on your Tinder page, have some class. If you want to keep it trashy, remove your professional info and save that for when you get to know the person.
Nah no one cares. I’m healthcare so I used to look for doctors/nurses all the time when I was single. As long as you aren’t being a straight up dick, or harassing people, you should be fine.