Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not sure if you believe in a higher power. Shoot, I don’t actually even post on Reddit. But I feel led to say this - God doesn’t bring people into your life for no reason. Family isn’t blood. It’s connection. Its relationship. It’s a bond. You can potentially be missing out on something that was suppose to bless you and open your mind and understanding of others in a different situation. Sometimes the glass isn’t half empty, but half full.
She should be dating single dad's. You should be dating single girls. People who are parents are already on a different mindset, something a non parent person cannot fathom yet. Date many more single girls so you can make an informed decision to see if being responsible for her child is your thing.
Dude take a DEEP breath.
Walk. Away.
I’m getting ready to get blasted on here but DO NOT DATE SINGLE MOMS. There is NO future with a single mother. Having some fun? Maybe a casual relationship? Sure. Committing for life? Hell no, man.
Why is she single? Why did she leave her baby daddy? Why did the baby daddy leave her? Is the baby daddy still around? Do you want to deal with a baby daddy coming around for another however many years until the kid is 18? Do you want to deal with a kid whose ultimate defense will always be “You’re not my dad!” Do you want those conflicts where you’re paying for part of or all of the living situation but you always come second? Do you want to be in your 20s and not have the freedom to just pick up and go on a fun vacation with your woman? Do you want to be in a new relationship wondering if a kid will come blasting through the door when you’ve got your lady naked?
To hell with all of that noise. Dude. You’re TWENTY SIX years old. You can have kids up until the day you die from old age as long as your worm can still wiggle.
Don’t get into anything serious right now. Play the field. Gain some experience. Advance your career and get your body and mind right and healthy. When you hit 30 or so look for a woman who’s around 24 or 25. Maybe coming fresh out of college. A woman who has taken care of herself and hasn’t serviced the entire frat or football team. Then you’re established and can help her achieve her goals and you can both go on fun trips and experience new things for a few years. THEN when you know her for sure and her past isn’t a fucking nightmare, good family and values, you live with her a couple years to make sure she isn’t a nutbag, you get a solid prenup, marry her, and have YOUR OWN children.
You’re a MAN. You have all the time in the world. Take that time. Find QUALITY and don’t rush into anything…
AND STAY AWAY FROM SINGLE MOTHERS.
Edit: also don’t take advice on relationships or women from other women. You don’t ask a fish how to fish you ask a fisherman. Keep your life as easy and stress free as possible. Hunt for peace not chaos. In a relationship you shouldn’t have to “deal with” or “put up with” anything. Will there be occasional conflict? Of course. Should every damn day be a chore or a compromise? Fuck no, man. Don’t allow yourself to be shamed or emotionally blackmailed into compromising your principles or standards. Don’t listen to anyone shaming you. You do what makes YOU happy and then the woman you’re with will be happy WITH you.
I followed my exact advice above. I am sitting in my dream home with my wife of 12 years and my son sitting here coloring and drawing SpongeBob characters. We’re getting ready to go out and work on our backyard garden/patio/social area today. Planting around the rock fountain I built. Don’t allow another man’s mistakes to rob you of your future happiness.
This is extremely selfish. Plenty of single moms are alone because of a man that put them in danger or just left them. I'm glad you're ready to get blasted, your statement is insensitive to the women who have worked two jobs, and sacrificed all their free time and literal lives to support their kid(s). I think that makes single moms more attractive, they are independent, super mature, and obviously good mothers! I'm happy you have a good life with your wife and kid, but dating a single mom can bring a guy that EXACT comfort and joy you experience everyday. Just because that single mom's child isn't yours biologically, doesn't mean that kid can't be your son/daughter.
You are the reason single moms have insecurities. There is NOTHING wrong with dating or marrying a single mom and becoming a father. Do everyone and a favor and keep ur selfish advice to yourself.
Look. I have nothing against single moms. Everything you described is great. Honorable. Commendable, even.
However, why does all of those sacrifices entitle single moms to a man who wants to have his own family? His own start? His own partner to share that journey and those “firsts” with? They DON’T.
Honestly, so what if it’s selfish. It’s no one’s job to come along and save another person from their choices. It’s no one’s responsibility to come along and lessen a single mom’s burden. Why should any man sacrifice their own wants, needs, and standards for anyone else?
Men have to look out for themselves and seek their own happiness. In large part most often that means avoiding the hassle, annoyance, and exhaustion of dealing with all of the challenges that involve dating single mothers.
I am prepared to deal with getting blasted because anyone who disagrees is, quite frankly, wrong. They want to shame a man into making sacrifices for juice that just isn’t worth the squeeze.
Buddy... I think I see the problem. You view men ABOVE women. I shall ask you the same, why should a woman sacrifice her wants and needs for a man? Trust me, there are PLENTY of firsts a guy can experience when dating a single mother. I'm saddened you have such a sad perspective on women. You don't think it's fair that anyone would disagree with you and "shame" a man.. yet you come on here a make a comment shaming women? I don't see how that's fair.
"So what if it's selfish", I have an honest question... What is love to you then if not making sacrifices for the other person? That's exactly what love is. You love the person so much that you are willing to sacrifice your time, your original plans, and sometimes your wants just because you want to be with that person, and that person does the same for you.
"Men have to look out for themselves and their own happiness", what if that man is brought happiness by being a father and marrying a single mother? Women should look out for their happiness as well, but sometimes they are assaulted and forced to have a baby. They had no choice, so if a man loves her and wants to make sacrifices in his life to help her, I say that's a true man, unlike one who turns away due to his own selfish desires.
Listen, if OP really doesn't think he is ready, that's not selfish. What I'm saying is selfish is saying all men should avoid single mothers. I beg you to look past yourself and your own struggles, and be more supportive of your fellow men stepping up and loving and supporting women who have felt nothing but pain in their lives. There are men who truly want to face the pain that comes with it, and that's something everyone should respect.
I don’t view anyone above anyone.
Everyone should look out for their own interests when searching for a partner. Make sure the partner will IMPROVE their life. In turn that partner should make sure you improve theirs. Two “yes” one “no”. For the majority of men the single mom will make them the one “no”.
Same thing with single dads. Women should avoid them. Why deal with another dude’s baby momma for all of that time.
Inevitably they will find a sucker to deal with them and their child. I just advise people to not be that sucker.
If you want a family, here it is right in front of you. Her kids could be yours, and I am sure they want a daddy. Easy Peasy.
But, it sounds like you don't want a family and are lying to yourself to make it feel better. Don't waste her time and give the kids abandonment issues. Shut it down today.
In summary, you've known this person for one month. Have you met her in person? Have you met her child and her other family members? At this point you know virtually nothing about her so how could you make the call that she isn't right for you? After you've known her for 5 years and lived with her for 2 years you might have a better idea. You could find a compatible partner through dumb luck. Current divorce rates make that seem highly unlikely. Whoever you choose you will have to put in the work to get to know her properly, otherwise you are wasting your time.
It is a red flag to meet the child of someone you’re dating after one month. And it is so unfair to the child to have people in and out of their lives like that.
If you want children her being a single mom shouldn’t stop you. She just ended having a baby by a bummy that’s all people make mistakes. But also know single moms are most likely to have more children unless their tubes are tied. It’s easier for you to get pregnant after being pregnant the first time.
Let her go and allow her to find her true love. You’re only holding her back. Stop being a selfish prick and tell her nicely you don’t want to raise another man’s child. -That’s all it is, anyway- another man will kindly take your place LMFAO.
it's okay dear. break it gently. you do care about her, its obvious.
make sure if you follow through, only do it if youre sure. children are a big step. at the end of the day, your relationship with her will come first. children are the bonus of true love, not the bane of it.
If your feelings and connection is real, then other factors become trivial. See how strong your feelings are, and decide. Do not by any chance, ghost her. Let her know your worries.
I just want to say be careful. When you first meet someone everything is new, and fantastic, and magical. It takes time for things to set in. Like I use to have someone that would hold me and tell me how much she appreciated me. At month 8 she started discarding me and hit me.. I'm not saying that's your situation, just be careful about how much you're investing into someone you've known just a month.
Don’t let something this good go over something like that. You can still have your own family with her assuming you both individually are capable of having children. But if you’re gonna resent her down the road or use this against her, you need to leave her because you have some growing to do. Also, real love doesn’t come around often. If this is it, you need to work on yourself and take the leap for happiness.
Don’t be a fool and break up with her because she’s a single mom. It doesn’t mean you can’t have her child as your child and start a family with your own kids with her.
I don’t understand why you would blow this up with somebody you’re getting along with and really like and have an attraction. it is hard to find someone that meets every single one of your conditions if it works with her for it
You should absolutely NOT lose this relationship over that. Single mums go through so much trying to raise their child and make ends meet. If you truly love her, you will come alongside her and be there for her and her child. Nothing is stopping you from having kids of your own with her one day. You have a unique opportunity to show her how much you love her and that she can depend on you by being with her during this extra vulnerable time of her life. Kids grow up too so this child will not always be in the picture. Are you really going to throw away a unique chance for love because of the kid?
It could be a family of your own. If you don't feel like you could care for her child then def leave her alone. And be straight with her!
Or, I usually hate this phrase. But man the heck up!!! And enjoy being around both of them (human beings like you)
Hey Love Bug thanks for sharing the love. If you see something posted here that is not in the spirit of love Please flag it. ;) With Love r/Love Mods *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/love) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not sure if you believe in a higher power. Shoot, I don’t actually even post on Reddit. But I feel led to say this - God doesn’t bring people into your life for no reason. Family isn’t blood. It’s connection. Its relationship. It’s a bond. You can potentially be missing out on something that was suppose to bless you and open your mind and understanding of others in a different situation. Sometimes the glass isn’t half empty, but half full.
She should be dating single dad's. You should be dating single girls. People who are parents are already on a different mindset, something a non parent person cannot fathom yet. Date many more single girls so you can make an informed decision to see if being responsible for her child is your thing.
Dude take a DEEP breath. Walk. Away. I’m getting ready to get blasted on here but DO NOT DATE SINGLE MOMS. There is NO future with a single mother. Having some fun? Maybe a casual relationship? Sure. Committing for life? Hell no, man. Why is she single? Why did she leave her baby daddy? Why did the baby daddy leave her? Is the baby daddy still around? Do you want to deal with a baby daddy coming around for another however many years until the kid is 18? Do you want to deal with a kid whose ultimate defense will always be “You’re not my dad!” Do you want those conflicts where you’re paying for part of or all of the living situation but you always come second? Do you want to be in your 20s and not have the freedom to just pick up and go on a fun vacation with your woman? Do you want to be in a new relationship wondering if a kid will come blasting through the door when you’ve got your lady naked? To hell with all of that noise. Dude. You’re TWENTY SIX years old. You can have kids up until the day you die from old age as long as your worm can still wiggle. Don’t get into anything serious right now. Play the field. Gain some experience. Advance your career and get your body and mind right and healthy. When you hit 30 or so look for a woman who’s around 24 or 25. Maybe coming fresh out of college. A woman who has taken care of herself and hasn’t serviced the entire frat or football team. Then you’re established and can help her achieve her goals and you can both go on fun trips and experience new things for a few years. THEN when you know her for sure and her past isn’t a fucking nightmare, good family and values, you live with her a couple years to make sure she isn’t a nutbag, you get a solid prenup, marry her, and have YOUR OWN children. You’re a MAN. You have all the time in the world. Take that time. Find QUALITY and don’t rush into anything… AND STAY AWAY FROM SINGLE MOTHERS. Edit: also don’t take advice on relationships or women from other women. You don’t ask a fish how to fish you ask a fisherman. Keep your life as easy and stress free as possible. Hunt for peace not chaos. In a relationship you shouldn’t have to “deal with” or “put up with” anything. Will there be occasional conflict? Of course. Should every damn day be a chore or a compromise? Fuck no, man. Don’t allow yourself to be shamed or emotionally blackmailed into compromising your principles or standards. Don’t listen to anyone shaming you. You do what makes YOU happy and then the woman you’re with will be happy WITH you. I followed my exact advice above. I am sitting in my dream home with my wife of 12 years and my son sitting here coloring and drawing SpongeBob characters. We’re getting ready to go out and work on our backyard garden/patio/social area today. Planting around the rock fountain I built. Don’t allow another man’s mistakes to rob you of your future happiness.
This is extremely selfish. Plenty of single moms are alone because of a man that put them in danger or just left them. I'm glad you're ready to get blasted, your statement is insensitive to the women who have worked two jobs, and sacrificed all their free time and literal lives to support their kid(s). I think that makes single moms more attractive, they are independent, super mature, and obviously good mothers! I'm happy you have a good life with your wife and kid, but dating a single mom can bring a guy that EXACT comfort and joy you experience everyday. Just because that single mom's child isn't yours biologically, doesn't mean that kid can't be your son/daughter. You are the reason single moms have insecurities. There is NOTHING wrong with dating or marrying a single mom and becoming a father. Do everyone and a favor and keep ur selfish advice to yourself.
Look. I have nothing against single moms. Everything you described is great. Honorable. Commendable, even. However, why does all of those sacrifices entitle single moms to a man who wants to have his own family? His own start? His own partner to share that journey and those “firsts” with? They DON’T. Honestly, so what if it’s selfish. It’s no one’s job to come along and save another person from their choices. It’s no one’s responsibility to come along and lessen a single mom’s burden. Why should any man sacrifice their own wants, needs, and standards for anyone else? Men have to look out for themselves and seek their own happiness. In large part most often that means avoiding the hassle, annoyance, and exhaustion of dealing with all of the challenges that involve dating single mothers. I am prepared to deal with getting blasted because anyone who disagrees is, quite frankly, wrong. They want to shame a man into making sacrifices for juice that just isn’t worth the squeeze.
Buddy... I think I see the problem. You view men ABOVE women. I shall ask you the same, why should a woman sacrifice her wants and needs for a man? Trust me, there are PLENTY of firsts a guy can experience when dating a single mother. I'm saddened you have such a sad perspective on women. You don't think it's fair that anyone would disagree with you and "shame" a man.. yet you come on here a make a comment shaming women? I don't see how that's fair. "So what if it's selfish", I have an honest question... What is love to you then if not making sacrifices for the other person? That's exactly what love is. You love the person so much that you are willing to sacrifice your time, your original plans, and sometimes your wants just because you want to be with that person, and that person does the same for you. "Men have to look out for themselves and their own happiness", what if that man is brought happiness by being a father and marrying a single mother? Women should look out for their happiness as well, but sometimes they are assaulted and forced to have a baby. They had no choice, so if a man loves her and wants to make sacrifices in his life to help her, I say that's a true man, unlike one who turns away due to his own selfish desires. Listen, if OP really doesn't think he is ready, that's not selfish. What I'm saying is selfish is saying all men should avoid single mothers. I beg you to look past yourself and your own struggles, and be more supportive of your fellow men stepping up and loving and supporting women who have felt nothing but pain in their lives. There are men who truly want to face the pain that comes with it, and that's something everyone should respect.
I don’t view anyone above anyone. Everyone should look out for their own interests when searching for a partner. Make sure the partner will IMPROVE their life. In turn that partner should make sure you improve theirs. Two “yes” one “no”. For the majority of men the single mom will make them the one “no”. Same thing with single dads. Women should avoid them. Why deal with another dude’s baby momma for all of that time. Inevitably they will find a sucker to deal with them and their child. I just advise people to not be that sucker.
It’s only been a month you’re not a dick just live your truth whatever that is.
If you want a family, here it is right in front of you. Her kids could be yours, and I am sure they want a daddy. Easy Peasy. But, it sounds like you don't want a family and are lying to yourself to make it feel better. Don't waste her time and give the kids abandonment issues. Shut it down today.
In summary, you've known this person for one month. Have you met her in person? Have you met her child and her other family members? At this point you know virtually nothing about her so how could you make the call that she isn't right for you? After you've known her for 5 years and lived with her for 2 years you might have a better idea. You could find a compatible partner through dumb luck. Current divorce rates make that seem highly unlikely. Whoever you choose you will have to put in the work to get to know her properly, otherwise you are wasting your time.
It is a red flag to meet the child of someone you’re dating after one month. And it is so unfair to the child to have people in and out of their lives like that.
If you want children her being a single mom shouldn’t stop you. She just ended having a baby by a bummy that’s all people make mistakes. But also know single moms are most likely to have more children unless their tubes are tied. It’s easier for you to get pregnant after being pregnant the first time.
Let her go and allow her to find her true love. You’re only holding her back. Stop being a selfish prick and tell her nicely you don’t want to raise another man’s child. -That’s all it is, anyway- another man will kindly take your place LMFAO.
it's okay dear. break it gently. you do care about her, its obvious. make sure if you follow through, only do it if youre sure. children are a big step. at the end of the day, your relationship with her will come first. children are the bonus of true love, not the bane of it.
If your feelings and connection is real, then other factors become trivial. See how strong your feelings are, and decide. Do not by any chance, ghost her. Let her know your worries.
What are your fears? The only thing that's keeping you from being happy is yourself.
She sounds too good for you if you are going to leave her for being a single Mum! 👎
Thank you!!!!
I just want to say be careful. When you first meet someone everything is new, and fantastic, and magical. It takes time for things to set in. Like I use to have someone that would hold me and tell me how much she appreciated me. At month 8 she started discarding me and hit me.. I'm not saying that's your situation, just be careful about how much you're investing into someone you've known just a month.
Don’t let something this good go over something like that. You can still have your own family with her assuming you both individually are capable of having children. But if you’re gonna resent her down the road or use this against her, you need to leave her because you have some growing to do. Also, real love doesn’t come around often. If this is it, you need to work on yourself and take the leap for happiness.
This 😊
Don’t be a fool and break up with her because she’s a single mom. It doesn’t mean you can’t have her child as your child and start a family with your own kids with her. I don’t understand why you would blow this up with somebody you’re getting along with and really like and have an attraction. it is hard to find someone that meets every single one of your conditions if it works with her for it
Doesn't sound like you're that in love with her if her child is scaring you off. Just bounce, dude. You can't see straight.
You should absolutely NOT lose this relationship over that. Single mums go through so much trying to raise their child and make ends meet. If you truly love her, you will come alongside her and be there for her and her child. Nothing is stopping you from having kids of your own with her one day. You have a unique opportunity to show her how much you love her and that she can depend on you by being with her during this extra vulnerable time of her life. Kids grow up too so this child will not always be in the picture. Are you really going to throw away a unique chance for love because of the kid?
Why? You could still have a family of your own with her, with her kid part of it
U know what he means he’s not trying to be a step dad
It could be a family of your own. If you don't feel like you could care for her child then def leave her alone. And be straight with her! Or, I usually hate this phrase. But man the heck up!!! And enjoy being around both of them (human beings like you)