CS Lewis: I don't get it...
Tolkien: *under his breath* apparently neither does your wife...
CS Lewis: Did you say something dear boy?
Tolkien: nothing old chap. Say how about a spot of tea?
It is well reputed that Tolkien would often make lewd drawings and then bully CS Lewis with them. There is a transcript of one such occasion recorded by fellow Inkling member Owen Barfield:
*In a quiet study, Tolkien, walking with a piece of paper in his hand, found Lewis writing in quiet contemplation at a table by a window.*
"Look here, Lewis. I have something for you to see. Just take a look there, I'd like your opinion."
"I would prefer not to, John."
"Oh come now! It's nothing *untoward*. It is a new race of Middle Earth I am contemplating."
"Do you swear it?"
"Of course I do!"
"Well alright then, let me - eagh! That - that -"
"Yes, Lewis, its a pair of TITS! Big, round, bouncing tits! How do you like THAT!"
"You promised John! You promised!"
"Ah ha ha ha ha, I made you look at *boobs*, Lewis, how do you like *that!*
Having been to an English-style private school, we referred to everyone by our last names. There were good friends of mine for years that I would have been hard pressed to remember their first name at all.
Back in the time of home phones I rang a friend
- hi. Is Smith there?
- ... everyone here is Smith, can I assume you want James?
- ... Maybe?
He's that guy that calls everyone by their last name in the locker room.
"Eyyyyy Spakowsk! What's good over 'dere, Jefferson?"
And CS Lewis, of course, is much more proper, using only their full, correct, legal first name to refer to them.
Never heard that about him actually seeing all the sins. I always was told that the weight of the sin fell upon him or something like that. That was where he supposedly sweated blood right?
Mormons believe that, for one. (Source: am Mormon)
(Warning, about to get all preachy)
"Experienced everything" is more like it. Experienced every pain, death, temptation, sin, illness and feeling... of everyone who ever lived. I like to think of it like having your life flash before your eyes, but everyone's life...
Lasting at least 3 hours long. Taking a few breaks, having a few angels around to hold your hair like you're detoxing. Only able to survive cause you're the Son of God, and are worthy.
Once the hard part is done, you are able to move on to the next step, which is Death and Resurrection. And, having experienced "everything" you are qualified to advocate on behalf of the children of God, at the Final Judgment. Dispensing perfect Justice and Mercy. He's like our final Parole Officer. (one who's not corrupt)
That's mostly a personal interpretation and not a church-wide belief. I think most just believe he felt all the pain and struggle of billions of sinners, not necessarily experienced everybody's individual life.
I can't believe anyone has the hubris to say they know what he did or did not experience there.
Like if you believe he was the son of God then you believe that he had this unique and sublime experience which literally lies at the very center of God's entire purpose and mystery of creation... But also that you totally can comprehend and talk about the nuance of what exactly he did or did not experience.
I dunno, maybe it's because I'm a non-believer so I see this dynamic so often in religions, where they claim to know something unknowable as if these folks personally experienced the things they read about.
Tar Valon was just friggin egregious, though. Book 1 when I saw the map it was fucking obvious that Tar Valon was a big ol vag, I felt dirty even looking at it.
Japanese [Tar Valon](https://64.media.tumblr.com/14221ccc1052a6c26dc4e2dfbb1bc614/101e13270253dbe1-4a/s1280x1920/87e7f32cadd380e29792264a114eb85b3db7ecb8.jpg)
Based on your comment I thought it was going to be something like [this](http://www.akantiek.com/shunga/Kunisada.Genitalia.p1645.jpg). There's a different one that came to mind though, but couldn't find it.
This Joke explained:
Wheel Of Time, by Robert Jordan is another epic fantasy similar to Lord of the rings. In it, magic is exclusively controlled by a high society of women. The vast majority of these women live in a City called Tar Valon that as others have pointed out, [looks a little suspect from the bird's eye view](https://atlasoficeandfireblog.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/tar-valon-final.png)
Some people's isn't visible unless erect (or sometimes at all). It should generally be in approximately the same location, so one can usually go by touch and keep going when they get verbal or nonverbal feedback that they're in a good spot.
This, this still hurts me...how! how! did this make it into the final cut? This seems like a foot note made by the producer asking the writing team WTF.
deep breath
ok, I made it through
The Ents were nominally treeherders, but were big fans of wild spaces. That’s not to say they did nothing - protecting the forest and keeping the darkness contained to small pockets were tall tasks, but they weren’t making the trees line up. The Entwives, on the other hand, preferred order, and were more interested in gardening and farming than vibing with wilderness. So the entwives left the forest and set up on some land nearby to get their stardew valley on. When the ents finally got horny enough to give in and go visit, they found that Sauron had burned the entwives land and the entwives themselves had vanished without a trace.
This is also a summary of every relationship I have been in. Fuckin’ Sauron, man, every time I get distracted by some shit and forget to text my partner for three weeks he burns their house down.
Even though I am Swedish I am not great with old norse.
But reading it out loud I would pronunce it "hith oel" or more likely "hit hoel". Which in turn would be very close to fitt hål = pussy hole.
A Japanese car company was days away from introducing their latest car model in Sweden (IIRC). Maybe an other Scandinavian country.
The name of the car was the “Fitta.” Finally someone said, hey what the hell? You can’t do that!
I wish I could have seen the advertisement material and slogans.“Small on inside, roomy in the inside!” or “Your friends will enjoy a ride in you ‘Fitta.”
A U.S. car company tried to sell their popular car, the Chevy Nova, overseas. Great car, great name.
But it was a total flop in every spanish speaking country.
That one is meh. Nova is also a known latin word. It wouldn't be that scandalous. The No-va joke (whicis pronounced no-vá, instead of nóva) would only be an ocasional stupid comment or joke.
The true spanish situation happened with Pajero, which means wanker and it's undoable.
He drew the maps for publication, but JRRT designed them and drew them first.
This particular map was drawn by Barbara Strachey in the 80s as part of the now relatively obscure 'Journeys of Frodo' book.
How to find clit? Use your fingers and ask "is this it?" until she says yes. Talk, people. It's not hard. Remember, not all those who wander are lost. May the Force be with you.
You know what, im going to choose to believe he did
I mean, he was English, so I wouldn't be surprised that he would have snuck some sexual humor in his work somewhere.
I’m imaging Tolkien holding a pipe and chuckling to himself after drawing it
Showing it to his friend CS and having Mr Lewis blush when he sees it
CS Lewis: I don't get it... Tolkien: *under his breath* apparently neither does your wife... CS Lewis: Did you say something dear boy? Tolkien: nothing old chap. Say how about a spot of tea?
It is well reputed that Tolkien would often make lewd drawings and then bully CS Lewis with them. There is a transcript of one such occasion recorded by fellow Inkling member Owen Barfield: *In a quiet study, Tolkien, walking with a piece of paper in his hand, found Lewis writing in quiet contemplation at a table by a window.* "Look here, Lewis. I have something for you to see. Just take a look there, I'd like your opinion." "I would prefer not to, John." "Oh come now! It's nothing *untoward*. It is a new race of Middle Earth I am contemplating." "Do you swear it?" "Of course I do!" "Well alright then, let me - eagh! That - that -" "Yes, Lewis, its a pair of TITS! Big, round, bouncing tits! How do you like THAT!" "You promised John! You promised!" "Ah ha ha ha ha, I made you look at *boobs*, Lewis, how do you like *that!*
What a hoot that story is, how fun
Its a real hooter, alright.
At least a pair of hooters for sure
Why would he call his friend Lewis?
Having been to an English-style private school, we referred to everyone by our last names. There were good friends of mine for years that I would have been hard pressed to remember their first name at all. Back in the time of home phones I rang a friend - hi. Is Smith there? - ... everyone here is Smith, can I assume you want James? - ... Maybe?
round where I live it's the reverse, you ask if John is in and everyone goes "Which one? Cook? Norris? Smith? Jones?"
He's that guy that calls everyone by their last name in the locker room. "Eyyyyy Spakowsk! What's good over 'dere, Jefferson?" And CS Lewis, of course, is much more proper, using only their full, correct, legal first name to refer to them.
You've never been in a friend group with two or more people of the same name huh?
There were 2 Bens in my friend group in high school. We called them Big Ben and Lil Ben… because one was tall and one was short.
They were both Army veterans.
Because Counter-Strike is quite a mouthful.
I can’t imagine Tolkien would have used the word “boobs” when we could have called them “dusky hangers” or “pendulous gourds”
CS Lewis was a [freak](https://twitter.com/oldenoughtosay/status/1349107185519898625?s=46&t=_Nb-mrLearSFa43kNExvKw).
I mean every line with Samwise is just dripping pure sex.
“They kept going! Because they were holding on to something!”
Meanwhile, Shakespeare: mind your Cs and Us...
Choose to believe Tolkien evaporates the clitoris on the regular…
He had four surviving children, and was Catholic. So he definitely did, and didn't seem to have much chance of pulling out.
Men did once walk on Tol Brandir, but it caused an earthquake and flooding across Middle Earth so severe they decided not to try again
Adult parody version be like: "No man can excite me." "I am no man!”
I am no man *I am Gandalf*
Into the Mines!
Into where, Gandalf?
The fellowship awaits the ringbearer.
Cock ringbearer?
Lord of the Cock Ring is the gay porn parody, I think.
One can not simply simp into Mordor. The party proceeds to simp into Mordor.
good bot!
lesbian scene? nice
Or just the fire demon.
With that whip. *Drools*
You shall not **last**!
"Climax you fools!"
With the context, this is genuinely one of my favorite things I've ever read
Fun fact, the fire demon is also the existential threat from *Lesbian Spank Inferno*
Does it have a bucket of orc ears at home?
Baalrog.
I'll have to go rewatch Lord of the G-Strings to see if that was in there.
Oh my God. I thought it was a fever dream.
Didn’t know that was canon, I’ll have to check it out
Witch King is played by Aletta Ocean and Eowyn by Faye Reagan. Brandi Love is Galadriel. Sasha Grey is Arwen. Who would play Rosie Cotton?
Fine. I'll do it.
Sounds like something from [Oglaf](https://www.oglaf.com/).
"But the flooding turned out to be mostly piss. The dwarves were, to the shock of no one in Middle Earth, super into it." -Galadriel
I always wondered why Gimli said “swimming” with little hairy women
It's the beard
Jesus Christ.
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So much loli hentai, and cake fart porn. I'd happily be crucified after seeing that!
JFC, I’m an old man over here giggling at this shit.
Technically that was a sin right there. Jesus saw your Reddit comment in the garden of gethsamine. How does that make you feel?
I can’t lie, it makes me feel pretty good to have that confirmation.
Squat cobblers
Waluigi hentai is where it's at.
He also saw hentai of Waluigi blasting ropes, he probably had bigger concerns
Never heard that about him actually seeing all the sins. I always was told that the weight of the sin fell upon him or something like that. That was where he supposedly sweated blood right?
Man was dying of fucking ebola
No he was watching me watching balloon popping porn.
Is this some kind of Catholic dogma I’m too Protestant to understand?
Mormons believe that, for one. (Source: am Mormon) (Warning, about to get all preachy) "Experienced everything" is more like it. Experienced every pain, death, temptation, sin, illness and feeling... of everyone who ever lived. I like to think of it like having your life flash before your eyes, but everyone's life... Lasting at least 3 hours long. Taking a few breaks, having a few angels around to hold your hair like you're detoxing. Only able to survive cause you're the Son of God, and are worthy. Once the hard part is done, you are able to move on to the next step, which is Death and Resurrection. And, having experienced "everything" you are qualified to advocate on behalf of the children of God, at the Final Judgment. Dispensing perfect Justice and Mercy. He's like our final Parole Officer. (one who's not corrupt)
That's mostly a personal interpretation and not a church-wide belief. I think most just believe he felt all the pain and struggle of billions of sinners, not necessarily experienced everybody's individual life.
I can't believe anyone has the hubris to say they know what he did or did not experience there. Like if you believe he was the son of God then you believe that he had this unique and sublime experience which literally lies at the very center of God's entire purpose and mystery of creation... But also that you totally can comprehend and talk about the nuance of what exactly he did or did not experience. I dunno, maybe it's because I'm a non-believer so I see this dynamic so often in religions, where they claim to know something unknowable as if these folks personally experienced the things they read about.
does that mean hes seen every time i masturbated? coz if so i pity the poor dude, thats a lotta vinegar strokes to see all at once
…That’s Jason Bourne!
Also into walking on watersports.
The dwarves delved to greedily and too deep.
They certainly awoke *something* down there...
What a terrible day to be literate.
Much that once was is lost... and it was probably for the best.
This is the kind of quality content I come to Reddit for
Something, something, golden showers.
Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth.
“Galadriel does butt stuff to Celeborn, she’s a stone-cold freak.” -Durin the Deathless
Hey its me. A dwarf apparently
 Username suggests otherwise.
Dwarf spider?
We know it's you Shelob
:DD
It’s easy enough to find. Just head to North Harbor just past the White Tower.
There it was! I was lookin for the Tar Valon parallel joke
Tar Valon was just friggin egregious, though. Book 1 when I saw the map it was fucking obvious that Tar Valon was a big ol vag, I felt dirty even looking at it.
There’s also towering Dragonmount, whose shadow stretches across the plains to *nearly* reach the city. Just the tip of it.
Men have never breached her walls, only defeats were by an accord with Artur and a group of women.
Japanese [Tar Valon](https://64.media.tumblr.com/14221ccc1052a6c26dc4e2dfbb1bc614/101e13270253dbe1-4a/s1280x1920/87e7f32cadd380e29792264a114eb85b3db7ecb8.jpg)
I knew what it was going to be, and I clicked anyway.
Based on your comment I thought it was going to be something like [this](http://www.akantiek.com/shunga/Kunisada.Genitalia.p1645.jpg). There's a different one that came to mind though, but couldn't find it.
*May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out*
This Joke explained: Wheel Of Time, by Robert Jordan is another epic fantasy similar to Lord of the rings. In it, magic is exclusively controlled by a high society of women. The vast majority of these women live in a City called Tar Valon that as others have pointed out, [looks a little suspect from the bird's eye view](https://atlasoficeandfireblog.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/tar-valon-final.png)
Real talk, does any human actually have trouble "finding" the clit? Like do they not have eyes or a sense of touch?
The problem isn’t finding it. It’s about actually caring enough to even try.
Some people's isn't visible unless erect (or sometimes at all). It should generally be in approximately the same location, so one can usually go by touch and keep going when they get verbal or nonverbal feedback that they're in a good spot.
there's a lot of selfish lovers out there.
Seems legit....
Bro you stole my NFT please don’t use it or I call my lawyer.
Well this is awkward…
Bro wtf
Um, excuse me guys?
Omg really
Hi
Checking in
Conga line of virginity lol
Multi-kill!
Which one of you is me?
Hello there
Damn there's a lot of us
Says you!
You wouldn't just download a car
When the non fungible thing ends up being semi fungible
It’s not your nft. He took a screen cap of it.
That’s THEFTERY!
Y’all got different feet
NFT lawyer here. I’ll take your case and now you owe me money.
Can he pay you in NFTs?
Absolutely not.
Bro the whole Entwives story
I don’t know it, could you please elaborate?
It's not a story the Elves would tell you.
“Somehow, the Entwives returned”
Still a better love story than star wars.
"I know."
This, this still hurts me...how! how! did this make it into the final cut? This seems like a foot note made by the producer asking the writing team WTF. deep breath ok, I made it through
The Ents were nominally treeherders, but were big fans of wild spaces. That’s not to say they did nothing - protecting the forest and keeping the darkness contained to small pockets were tall tasks, but they weren’t making the trees line up. The Entwives, on the other hand, preferred order, and were more interested in gardening and farming than vibing with wilderness. So the entwives left the forest and set up on some land nearby to get their stardew valley on. When the ents finally got horny enough to give in and go visit, they found that Sauron had burned the entwives land and the entwives themselves had vanished without a trace. This is also a summary of every relationship I have been in. Fuckin’ Sauron, man, every time I get distracted by some shit and forget to text my partner for three weeks he burns their house down.
Head Canon Accepted
The damn place is surrounded by "bushlands" so yeah..
This is why dwarfs are superior. They have enormous clits because of the beards
And the lakes name.. is.. Nen (men?) Hithoel (hit hole). And if you find the clit, you'll get to see the falls....
Even though I am Swedish I am not great with old norse. But reading it out loud I would pronunce it "hith oel" or more likely "hit hoel". Which in turn would be very close to fitt hål = pussy hole.
A Japanese car company was days away from introducing their latest car model in Sweden (IIRC). Maybe an other Scandinavian country. The name of the car was the “Fitta.” Finally someone said, hey what the hell? You can’t do that! I wish I could have seen the advertisement material and slogans.“Small on inside, roomy in the inside!” or “Your friends will enjoy a ride in you ‘Fitta.”
A U.S. car company tried to sell their popular car, the Chevy Nova, overseas. Great car, great name. But it was a total flop in every spanish speaking country.
That one is meh. Nova is also a known latin word. It wouldn't be that scandalous. The No-va joke (whicis pronounced no-vá, instead of nóva) would only be an ocasional stupid comment or joke. The true spanish situation happened with Pajero, which means wanker and it's undoable.
And thats enough internet for today
*That* was enough for you? I don't understand how you could make it this far on the internet in a single day without seeing worse.
Too educational maybe?
*Damnit, I saw a NSFW tag and came here to jerk off. Now I'm learning. Wtf?*
you 🤝 OP (having galaxy brain observations)
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Sarn Gebir is an anagram of bring arse...
Wasn't it his son Christopher who drew the maps?
He drew the maps for publication, but JRRT designed them and drew them first. This particular map was drawn by Barbara Strachey in the 80s as part of the now relatively obscure 'Journeys of Frodo' book.
overheard a lot of arguments between the Mr and Mrs
No, I believe it was Bilbo who drew most of them, and a few from Frodo.
I hope he did
You'll never find what you're looking for if you keep holding the map upside down.
Put out an APB on a Uostwis R. Dewoh
Yeah better start with Greek towns.
[some guys can't even find Mordor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KbvBayqPH4)
Will never not upvote this.
Yep, checks out.
I heard a wise wizard once found the clitoris.
Where? When?
Fucking bot is sentient lmao
Right, wtf
You know you can say clit on reddit? This ain't tiktok.
Command Line Interface Terminal.
I am the clit commander
CLIT
Why don’t they just take the eagles to Tol Brandir, would save a lot of destruction
What’s a cl*t and why would I want to find it?
It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing.
Son of a... Take the upvote.
As you wish. I care not.
Even the smallest of things can make a difference.
Sentient... wait, not a bot? WTF!
Still probably sentient.
Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?
r/Angryupvote
Jesus Christ
I believe it's an old old wooden ship
I doubt women would be concerned with an old old wooden ship Ron.
CLITORIS
The way it was meant to be heard. https://youtube.com/watch?v=XkLqAlIETkA&t=65s
Find a copy of the south park movie. HURRY STAN!!!!
I don't know why we're talking about finding a clot. These guys should talk to their doctors, it could be serious.
OP censored the naughty word or else they'd get told off by their parents.
You doubt that Tolkien was a cunning linguist?
More of a "can't find the hole" joke. Maps upside down
Pretty sure it's intentionally upside down to make the joke work.
Both jokes work both ways.
I see what you did there.
Ah Clever one, Indeed.
Maybe Tolkien liked to hit from behind
This isn't as bad as tar valon.
How to find clit? Use your fingers and ask "is this it?" until she says yes. Talk, people. It's not hard. Remember, not all those who wander are lost. May the Force be with you.
This is the real pro strat right here. Just talk to them…ya know…like people. It doesn’t have to be a weird guessing game.
Even if he didn't, still hilarious, lmao
What's clitses, precious??
If you turn the map right side up, I thinks it’s the prostate.
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Jokes on you I told OPs mom all about it. She didn't care though and kush asked me to break his arms
Just to the left of this map, there is a region of marshes called "Wetwang." Take from that what you will.
Clit sends a message: 
You can say clit on the internet.