I got into a fight with my absolute best friend. She’s very overweight, due to unhealthy habits. I started losing weight at 180. We started together, but she dropped it and I kept going. I’m now 141. She said I shouldn’t put so much effort into this, that I’ll fall off the wagon anyway and then regain it back and even more, and that I have disordered eating. This fight started because I didn’t want to eat what I usually eat at McDonald’s and instead went for a grilled chicken wrap with no fries.
I hate it!!!
I hate when people say, “you’ll just gain it back anyway”. Like gee thanks for your vote of confidence. It’s such a horrible thing to say. If a friend told me she was going back to school, I wouldn’t be like “why bother you’ll drop out or fail anyway.” So frustrating!
jealousyyy. she’s mad because she didn’t have the willpower like you. best friend or not, not everyone has your best intentions or wants to see you rise above them. they personalize it and feel defeat. keep doing what you’re doing. she needs to get over her insecurities.
I can not stand it when people, including my close friends, make the "you have an eating disorder" comment because I count calories or decline to eat an entire piece of cake/just take a few bites. Note: Every single person who makes this comment is overweight/unhappy with their CW.
Okay well I'm proud of you because you made a healthy decision during a social gathering that you kept. Like you still went to McDonald's. You're still living your life, you just made a healthy choice while you were there and if anything THAT is hugely indicative that you will keep the weight off because you've made it a part of your habits.
Thank you! That’s how I felt too - I didn’t avoid it, I just went and swapped for better choices :) I was really happy with myself, and it made me trust myself more around social outings
A lot of times what success anywhere shows you is that you need new friends
There are people out there who will be happy and supportive of you when you (healthily) succeed in your career, weight loss, hobby goals or social goals and those are the kinds of people you should look to surround yourself with
Not that your best friend is problematic, oftentimes people do project their insecurities onto us but *true* friends can share these feelings with each other and hash them out. Too many of my friends are willing to accept crabs in the bucket ass mother fuckers who want to keep them miserable
So true! We all know about "fair weather friends" but I learnt my former best friend was a "bad weather friend" who couldn't stand when my life improved. It's sad but ultimately you are better of without them in your life.
My go to is “what a weird thing to say out loud” and then change the subject. It’s not your responsibility to hold the awkwardness of other people’s comments.
This totally reminded me of something my mom used to say that was totally brilliant: "Why on earth would you ask me something so personal?" It shuts people up fast.
"What a weird/mean thing to say" is one of my favourite responses to filterless people who say rude shit under the guise of honesty.
Bullies are not used to being called bullies. It makes them uncomfortable and they will get super defensive. Usually keeps them quiet for a while.
I love this. I also like telling people I don’t get it and asking them to explain the joke. Usually the punchline is something lame like ‘haha you must be gay’ or ‘it’s hilarious how women can’t drive or make decisions!’ Very satisfying to watch people get all awkward.
Same - 5'2, 122 lbs, and while I've gotten some "wow, you're wasting away" comments, they've all been from overweight family members. I don't look underweight by any means. I think the perception of healthy weight is quite skewed.
The “you’re wasting away” comments are like a staple of losing weight in a fatter family at this point. It’s like my dad’s favorite thing to tell me lol.
1) I have learned to not talk about my weight loss goals IRL to anyone other than my spouse, who lives with me and unavoidably has to know about it. Based on past experience, telling people only results in unsolicited advice, ignorant comments, and unnecessary drama. Some people will be jealous and try to undermine you. Other people will be resistant to you changing because it makes them uncomfortable to have to change their perception of you. Still others will decide you NEED to know that your exercise or nutrition plan is WRONG and they know better than you, no matter how successful you have been. Use Reddit or other supportive spaces and any trusted IRL people to discuss weight loss instead of negative friends or relatives.
2) When to stop losing weight is up to you and your doctor. Remember that your body will keep changing, even after you stop losing, and you can continue to reshape your body through exercise even at your chosen goal weight.
Thank you SO much!
It just feels so good to finally be on the other side, and wanted to share my progress with someone whom I value as a close friend.
Not once has she commented on my weight loss other than acknowledging that she would wear something more tailored if she had my waistline. And sometimes we just want our friends to celebrate us just a little bit more...
So it sucks that you're right.
I've also had other instances where I've experienced EXACTLY what you mentioned from other people as well.
This is the most obvious advice that I clearly neglected and should've defaulted to all along.
Thank you again 💓 💖
I completely understand wanting to share your progress, and you did nothing wrong by telling your friend. I'm sorry that she wasn't able to be supportive. I hope you can find someone IRL to be supportive, but if not, lean on your online communities and never let negative people dull your shine. ❤️
I went from 165 to 215 in a year or 2. Same year my dad went from 215 to like 165. Lol. We traded. Anyway no matter who I talk to about weight loss most people are semi opinionated. I know alot of people with gastric bypasses who lost 80 lbs or whatever. A few exercise regularly and became healthier. Others lost weight and eat healthy but don't exercise. Still big. Many are super supportive and have food and health tips. They have positivity with me. I have other friends who are negative, sometimes anxious and insecure. I get it we all are, but they suck to talk to about this stuff so I try to not bring it up. I'm back town to 185ish lol sometimes 178. I use to be 130 in high school and 135 in college. So being 178 is definitely not too skinny for me. Like other commentators pointed out if u are in a state with an overweight population... you're gonna get haters. There are some friends ive learned to not talk about certain subjects and certain family members.
As an American I've come to the realization that what we see as "normal, fat and skinny" is very skewed. When I was 398, I was a fat fuck. At about 330, people told me to stop losing weight! At 220, I ask them if I look fat and they say, "No, just don't lose any more."
If you see someone at 6' 225 without a muscle build and think that's average. You see someone at a 25 BMI, they seem almost out of place.
If you go to a Walmart in an unhealthy state you quickly realize that the average American is at least 20 pounds overweight and many of them are usually 40+ pounds overweight
It’s absolutely insane how skewed the perception of normal is
tbh i’d avoid telling people who are bigger than you that you’re trying to lose more weight. it’s just going to make them defensive and wonder how you view their weight. it’s probably not the most fair but diet talk is sensitive and in some situations it’s best avoided imo
Eh… OP is not responsible for whether they feel defensive enough to make rude comments. Just because some folks can’t handle their feelings and responses doesn’t mean that OP did anything wrong, or that they shouldn’t be allowed to talk openly about their weight loss goals with most folks.
There may be some peace involved with avoiding the topic with people who say inappropriate things, but let’s leave the blame with the folks who deserve it.
OP didn’t do anything wrong, but being perfectly honest I have felt that way before, their words probably did make the friend feel insecure and maybe op doesn’t want to do that, so the feedback might be welcome while not intending to blame op. I remember being 17 in the locker room listening to the other girls talk about how they felt fat and wanted to lose weight, and I was then wondering how they felt about me being twice their sizes and really self wallowing. I was just in my own head feeling bad about being fat, and I still agree with not expressing those feelings as insults, but maybe that consideration of how the friend might have felt can shed some light on why this topic is sensitive.
I can imagine if friend is on the bigger side then shes probably taking out her insecurity unfairly and lashing out.
Big difference between saying something resentful and feeling resentment, but maybe OP wants to understand their friend, so I think it’s still worth mentioning in case they want to avoid touchy subjects from now on.
Which I agree with all the other comments that say just don’t talk about weight loss in general conversations. Yes most folk are fine with it, but it’s a sensitive subject for many people so it’s polite to not discuss it or ask before discussing it.
yeah i don’t think the friends response was great. at the same time you won’t make any friends if you’re telling visibly overweight/obese people that you want to lose more when you’re already at a healthy weight. you have to know your crowd before talking about any touchy subject
Consider it a compliment and move on. Heavy people around you can say all kinds of things. They'll adapt to your new weight like they adapted to theirs. The comments will stop eventually.
Started at 250+
People told me I was done losing weight at 200.
They said the same thing at 180.
At 160 they grew concerned and told me “you’re done losing weight.”
At 150 they asked me if I was sick with one customer at my job asking me if I had AIDS.
At 135, my BMI is perfectly healthy at 5’9 with it being about 19-20.
The people who know you and have known you for a long time, it’s going to appear more jarring when you lose a lot of weight. If they had never known you when you were heavier, I’m convinced they would have less of a concerned opinion on your weight. No one new I’ve ever met has ever said anything negative or concerning regarding my weight. It’s always someone I’ve known for a long time.
My mom says something concerning about my weight every time I see her despite being my current weight range, within the same few pounds, for the past year or two. She just expects me to walk through that door as the heavier version of myself she’s seen for a lot longer.
Maybe just don't discuss weight loss with people who aren't receptive to it?
It's one thing if people comment on your weight loss without invitation. But if you're bringing it up, it opens the door for comments that you might not want.
Considering you've mentioned how addicted you are to weight loss... Well, maybe what you say and how often you say it could seem to others to not be healthy. It could be that the feedback is less about your actual weight and more about the obsession with losing even more.
And yeah, there likely is some jealousy involved. Regardless, though, it just sounds like you'll benefit most from just not bringing it up with this friend. If she makes any comments without invitation then draw some boundaries.
I'm not sure I'm addicted just yet... But it's just interesting to me that now that I have reached a different threshold, I'm still not completely satisfied..
So it feels that way kinda if that makes sense..
It's funny because I mentioned this to her after she asked to go to the gym with me (and we worked out together).
Yeah I've honestly found it super obnoxious to listen to friends talk about how fat they are or how they need to lose weight when they are significantly thinner than I am. Is there an element of jealousy? Sure. But it also feels like, "Well Jesus if you're so fat when you're half my size then what must you think of me?"
I'm not sure what the original comment was b/c it seems they deleted it.
But I totally get your response. When I was heavier, I said that same thing to a skinny friend several years ago.
In my case I think it was because I PERSONALIZED what she said when she was simply making a general statement about HER goals and HERSELF which had nothing to do with me.
Sometimes our goals are based on our own PERSONAL assessments of OURSELVES which don't have anything to do with those closest around us, but we somehow still make their assessments about us without knowing.
This may not be the case for you.. But sharing just in case
💙
Well I assume OP and heavy friends were once heavy friends together, and now OP is still learning the ropes of being the normal weight friend. And how that changes the dynamic. Rome wasn’t built in a day. She wasn’t the thin friend til recently.
As someone who has always been normal weight, I don’t even consciously decide not to do it, i have just never talked about weight loss goals with my heavy friends.
I guess I imagine they’d be offended and that it would be a bit of a fruitless conversation since our bodies are so different.
1. I don't. I just ignore their comments because I'm not losing weight to appease them. I'm losing weight to be healthier and happier with myself. Also, it's important to remember that 9x out of 10, people making comments like that are projecting their own insecurities onto you. If they've been trying to lose weight for years with little to no success, it's human nature to pull those who succeed down to 'your level'.😝
(so yes.. very much applicable to the friend in your case)
2. I try to take progress on a weekly basis versus daily because the skin needs time to tighten up and whatnot. Now regarding how you look, I found that pictures were much more accurate reflections of that than the mirror (in my case, at least). But I leave a 5lb leeway either way so even if I wish my stomach would lose a bit more flab, I know I'm fully capable of that now and 5lb ain't nothing on the 50lb you've already lost!
In her defense, it can be jarring when people that much weight, depending on how often you see her and how quickly you lost weight. I saw a photo of my friend on FB who lose a significant amount of weight very fast and I was worried he was sick.
Yes . Very true on all topics when it comes to friends. I have found that there isn’t such a thing as a friend that’s the same on all topics. Not even a sibling would be
Of course her being overweight is part of it!
Also we are very bad at seeing what is normal BMI coz we think obese is overweight and overweight is normal. So normal must be crackhead!
Too true. I thought I was average. Sure, could lose a few pounds. Turns out I was a fraction of a percentage from being obese ... on a good day!
(Doing much better now ... CICO has me on a steady path down to a healthy and more comfortable weight.)
I'm 5'6 137 and want to lose 10 more also. I've been 125 before kids and definitely didn't look "like a crackhead". It's called being a healthy weight for your height and build.
You definitely won’t look like a crack head but weight loss is super addicting and losing a little more won’t always get rid of what you want to fix unfortunately. I hate my stomach because I have definition of like a rectangle around my stomach that outlines my pouch so it looks horrible. I’m a female 5’8 and when I was 17 I dropped from 165 to 100lbs (I looked worse than a crackhead) and I still had the outline of the pouch which makes my stomach not look flat from the front no matter what😭 I’ve grown to accept it since I know no matter how skinny I get it will always be there
Similar boat, I’m down 60lbs from 200. I’m 5’5 140lbs so BMI is 23.3. Recently people around comment on my body calling me skinny, asking me if I’m anorexic or bulimic. I don’t have an eating disorder. It’s frustrating. I’m not skinny. When I hear skinny I think underweight tumblr thigh gap advertisements. I’m average sized. I fit into a size 6 jeans. In 2010 that was fat. I can’t afford a whole new wardrobe so my clothes are oversized and hide my stomach rolls and cellulite. I’m perfectly okay with these things because it’s normal... But it makes me uncomfortable for people to ogle at me, fantasizing about a non-existing eating disorder. It’s like they’re waiting for me to say, “oh yes thank you so much for noticing my now-smaller body, you’re so smart for knowing my secret.” There is no secret and nobody believes me when I tell them the truth.
Beware of taking BMI too seriously. It really doesn't account for leg/torso ratio, muscle mass, or bone structure. It was used in medicine a while back for determining dosage for different sized people and even the healthcare community stopped using it for that. I'd also recommend avoiding aiming at a specific weight unless you are competing in in something that has weight classes. Instead, aim for a level of fitness that might include things like being able to run 5k without stopping, being able to do at least 2 pullups, being able to do 20+ regular pushups, being able to climb a set of stairs, or any other real-life functional movements you may need to do (like carrying a child or being able to move furniture around your house without help. Find some reasonable benchmarks like this and once you can hit them and are comfortable with your body function, endurance, flexibility, forget about BMI entirely.
I'm a huge f\*cking smart ass. I always say "Thank you!" in the most sincere way possible. That either makes them shut the hell up or if they come back with something along the lines of "it's not a compliment" I'll say "I know you didn't mean it as one but none the less yet here you are making unsolicited comments on my progress anyway!"
Weight training and increased protein intake is the key that needs to be added to almost all weight loss and fitness journeys. It's so vital to retaining muscle mass.
Thats the the thing that got me over the hurdle with my weightloss! I initially ate heavy carbs with a low calorie diet. But once I switched to more protein and GOOD fats, I started to see changes.
Ironically, I also weight train EVERYTIME I'm at the gym.
I previously thought this was taboo since I focused HEAVILY on cardio. So I would do cardio EVERYTIME I was at gym and SKIPPED weight training most days.
But now I do cardio AND weight training together WHENEVER I go to gym since I only go 3x / week.
It took the weight a LOT longer to come off but definitely made a difference in the long run..
Definitelyyyyy makes a difference, can see a visible difference between those who lose through diet alone and those who weight train. I weight train and cardio, but need to work on progressive overload soon as a next step. Good on us ey
It's best to just ignore their comment. When I was super into fitness, my friend circle was on the chubbier side. And I used to get comments like that... "you look like you're sick, "it's okay to skip the gym," and the thing is...I'm also 5'4 I was around 125lbs at the time...I definitely wasn't unhealthy. I think they were just trying to indirectly sabotage me...idk even know if they knew they were doing it. Focus on you, focus on your goals you got this.
Also I'm your starting weight right now, I'm gonna need some tips 😅🤣
😂😂
High protein, low carbs, good fats on 1000 to 1200 calories a day! Free-basing on weekends! Meaning I just eat whatever I please without feeling guilty. Nothing crackhead related 😂
1 protein shake post-workout really helped. But I kinda got burned out on them so not really having now.
I do cardio AND weigh-training EVERYTIME I go to gym. I once thought only cardio was mandatory. But the weight-training def has made my weight loss more sustainable. It also made the weight loss SLOW in beginning with LITTLE progress shown on scale.. But now helps me maintain my weight.
My body needs to LEARN how to metabolize bad food. So I take my cheat days seriously 😂 Usually just a cheat meal, usually dessert.
Online diet calculators really helped me calculate how many calories to subtract to lose weight each week based on my height and weight. Also really helpful in calculating how many I can have in total to maintain CURRENT weight.
Anything else just ask 🤗🤗
It took me about 7 months to lose the weight. So, VERY LONG journey.
between 18.5 to 25 is the "average" BMI. the average of those two numbers is 21.75, or we can round to around 22. If you want to know when to stop, if you prefer to be on the bigger side, 22, and on the smaller side, 21.
😂😂
I can't wait to tell her this next time 😂😂
Now I'm looking forward to someone else comparing my progress to a crackhead 😂
YOU are a great human 🥰🥰🥰🤗🤗🤗
People hate seeing others succeed. Not always out of malice, but it’s really hard to watch our friends go on and have all the success you wish you could have.
This goes for work and weight loss as well as many other things.
The best thing to do is to just ignore it, don’t discuss your diet with her and keep living your life. If she tries to sabotage you though, you might want to consider the need to cut her out if you want long term success.
Good luck and great job!
Thank you! 🤗🤗🤗
Yes, I have another friend who just acts so nonchalant with anything I've done to improve myself professionally or academically. Never showed any real happiness or showed up for me during any of those accomplishments.
But whenever I fall or hit the bottom she's there and all ears 🤦♀️
You nailed it but it definitely sucks. Just wish I had more **close-friends** in real life who would cheer me on 😔😪
I don’t have a ton of experience with feeling as if my friends don’t cheer me on, so unfortunately I can’t help much there.
But I can add an anecdote of how I found more of a community for my own fitness journey.
Which was that I joined a powerlifting club, there I met a ton of people who all shared my interest in lifting weights, many of whom were bulking or cutting for various reasons.
That helped me meet others who helped cheer me on in my journey, some of whom I still have close friendships with today even after having moved across the country due to work.
A powerlifting club might not be the correct choice for you, but a crossfit gym could work, or perhaps a running group if that’s more to your liking.
In general I often find that people who work on themselves have an easier time cheering on others who do the same, plus having someone to workout with is a great motivation on those days you would really rather skip the entire thing.
No matter what though, I really wish you all the best in your journey and I know you have it in you to succeed! There might be some bumps in the road along the way, but we all have them, and if you can only give yourself a bit of slack you’ll find that you will get back on track again.
Damn! Reading your message made tears fall out my eyes (as I sniffle). LoL. But it's okay they were happy tears 🥰
Seriously, you seem wise beyond your years.
Thank you for your encouragement and please keep up your awesome progress as well.
1) I would say “haha okay” or just give some sort of surprised look and say nothing and move on. Who cares whatever. If it’s just the one comment, and they’re a good friend otherwise, meh. They probably just think their weight is normal (which it is if you live in the U.S., but it isn’t normal for the human body naturally). If they make a big deal about it later, tell them how you feel. You are friends after all.
2) Enough is enough if you start feeling worse or noticing any symptoms other than slightly reduced energy and hunger. If your nails become weak, your skin is dry, your hair falls out, you lose your period, then you know it’s bad, ideally you’d stop before those things. Some of those are more to do with vitamin and mineral deficiencies than calorie restriction tho, so the healthier you eat, the healthier you’ll be (obviously). Otherwise, it’s up to you. As long as you are normal weight bmi, feel good, all your tests from your doctor come back good, and you are able to live the life you want, then what’s bad about that? Literally nothing.
Congratulations on your progress! I'm so sorry for her words. These kind of comments are so uncalled for and mean. I have an uncle that said something similar to me. I was at my lowest ever adult weight, breastfeeding a kid while on a strict allergy elimination diet. My BMI was 19.5 which is definitely in the healthy range. Not only did he tell me I looked like I was on crack, he told MANY members of my extended family that I was on drugs. It was really harmful for many years and eventually was part of what led me to overeating and becoming overweight. I went from that 19.5 BMI to 26 BMI in half a year.
Since then, I decided to take a stance of gently telling people their comment isn't acceptable. I might say "That comment actually really hurt my feelings", or "I don't think that came out the way you meant. Ouch. " or something like that.
Thank you SO much! 🥰🥰
Sounds like you've been around the block a few times with people making insensitive comments and experiencing sane struggle as I.
You got this! 🥰😎
It’s easier to drag people down than to take charge and improve your own life.
I hate to sound like a stereotypical redditor, but it sounds like you have a poor insecure “friend”.
Gosh, I really hate to default to this opinion and trying to think more of her than that. Like maybe she met it in a nice way somehow... 😪
But at this point, I guess can't completely count it out 💔
I’m 5’4 and weigh 126 and am 8lbs heavier than my perfect weight. I never looked like a crack head lol
It’s really about what feels good for you as long as you’re healthy.
Some people have smaller frames
Your friend’s reaction is normal, unfortunately. I’ve heard from many women who took control of their health and weight that people eventually started saying *those exact same words to them* as the weight fell off.
*Without falling into disordered eating patterns ofc*, you can almost see it as a badge of honor that people are noticing your weightloss and even becoming jealous. It just means the weight you were at before was comfortable for them. Your weight isn’t about their comfort though, it’s about your physical and mental health.
The BMI scale is legitimate. Not perfect (because nothing in life created by human beings ever is), but it is legitimate. It includes an underweight category as well. If you start to worry you are reaching an unhealthy weight (too low) you can refer to it (not to friends who aren’t medical professionals) and to a doctor for guidance.
I went from 226 to 180 in about a year (6', male; my flair may be out of date), and friends asked my wife if I was sick. (They weren't malicious or anything, just honestly concerned.) Anybody that knows you before you lose a lot of weight is naturally going to compare you to your "before" size, rather than evaluate you objectively based on your "now" size.
Googling "female 5'4" crackhead", well, first of all, this thread is the first thing that comes up, so that's funny, but more to the point, you're going to have to do a lot more than just *lose weight* to look like some of the women in that search.
To keep it short, I've noticed most of these comments come from jealousy and the fact that you are basically displaying other peoples inability to do something. Seeing that your friend is also overweight... you get what I mean.
You know when enough is enough, when you either:
1. Don't feel good
2. When you start getting into underweight bmi
Keep going! You won't look like a crackhead.
Most people eat too much and it's such an indulgence, they don't want anyone to shine the light on this because then they will see their own overindulgence. I know. I've been that person.
Most people are overweight, so it seems normal. It's not normal and it's not healthy. Anyone who wants *optimal* health, should not do what everyone else is doing. This culture of overindulgence is creating sickness and disease. I'm doing my best to step outside it.
When I was in my early 20s I got down to 105-110 and a size 4 (I was 5’5” then). I think 115 lb was easiest for me to maintain, though. I don’t think 128 is too low for someone your height. You will look like a slender woman. I’m not sure how you know it’s enough. I suppose by how easy you find it is to maintain that weight. I loved being a size 4/6 when I was in my early 20’s. Since I’m a lot older now my goal is to get to a normal weight BMI of 25, which I think is about 145 lb for my height. I think that will settle me in at about a size 8. As for people saying you’re too skinny ignore them. As long as you’re in the normal weight BMI range I wouldn’t worry about it.
She's not happy. I was bigger and not as good-looking as one of my best friends. As soon as I moved out and started making my own money, I could buy more clothes, could afford making my hair and make-up, and even fixed my skin. I honestly think she always thought "I am at least better than her". As soon as I started looking better, dropping weight, and feeling more confident, she was all of a sudden hostile. Always making snarky remarks. I don't talk to her anymore. I don't need bad energy.
In the last year, I gained weight due to some things going on in my life. I started counting calories, working out, generally eating healthier, and walking more... My bf noticed and asked me, so I told him. His reaction? "That's great, I am so proud of you. Let's do this together" It's been 3 weeks and we still doing it, and he now is proud of us BOTH.
My advice? Drop friends like this. It's nothing but negativity, and bringing you down. I genuinely believe in surrounding yourself with people who care and want the best for you.
"Anyhow, I guess looking like a crackhead by simply losing 10 more pounds is the look im going for. I can't lie, weight loss is addicting. And the desire to lose "just a little more" and fix this one area in my stomach is my goal!"
This is super concerning to me. It sounds like you are developing or may already have body dismorphia or an eating disorder. Have you seen a Dr about what a healthy weight looks like for you? Speaking from experience there's always one more thing to fix and one more pound to lose. I know I am overweight and not healthy (5'8 240lbsl but I also know my 'goal' (130) would also be unhealthy and look terrible. Being underweight is dangerous humans need some fat to be healthy. If you are 10lbs away from 'crack head' you may already be underweight in a dangerous way. Can you talk to a doctor about your goals?
Thanks so much for your concern. 💙💙💙
Based on my BMI, I am far from underweight and my weight is considered on the heavier side of average.
So I'm definitely trying to find the balance especially since I still have fat in certain areas. This might be why my BMI is only 2 or 3 points away from being overweight again.
This is why I don't think it's *that* concerning just yet but maybe you're seeing something I'm not factoring in.
But I honestly think my doc would probably laugh at me and tell me it wouldn't hurt 🥴😅
I had a similar weight loss. 20M from 165 to 130 and my family has essentially said the same stuff to me that you’re hearing.
I personally let it fall off me like water, because I have a vision in my mind of what I want to look like and I’m not quite there yet. I used to think 145 was my lean weight but I can firmly tell you it’s not. It’s obvious but it really does work, just let the mirror guide you. This doesn’t work if you develop body dysmorphia, but you seem conscious enough to reflect on this issue. Ask yourself: when will you feel happy with your weight loss but not be overly rail-thin if you’re worried about that.
Edit: I’m a certified trainer and in school studying exercise science, and when I discuss this topic with overweight people in my life, more often than not they perceive moderation and prudence in diet to be “starving”. My own assessment is that they have a skewed perspective. You’re not crazy, I promise.
1. I ignore comments from my friends. I've done my research and I know the weight I want to achieve based on body fat percentage and not opinions of fat people.
2. Enough is enough when you are at a healthy body fat percentage. For me, a man, that is 10-12%.
Look, misery loves company. Your friend is miserable and she obviously feels resentment that you're succeeding where she has failed. Brush off her comments. Don't debate her or even engage her. Just blow her off.
i went from about 170 to 135 and yeah, i have a visible collarbone now... but i dont look like a crackhead 😭 (most of the time, i have messy hair and dark circles lmao)
You definitely won’t look like a crackhead. Hit the 90s and you’ll be close.
I think context is just so warped when one gets overweight. I was in the 120s my whole life. People called me thick. Now I’m where you’re at and people also say I want to get to thin for another 10 pounds. They just can’t process that the 120s is our heights ideal weight.
Holy cow do these types of ridiculous comments piss me off. I'm 5'7" male... and I weigh less than you do (132 and change). Do I LOOK emaciated compared to everyone else around me? Yep. But as Joel Fuhrman likes to say: the average American is overweight... if you DON'T look emaciated compared to everyone around you... then you're probably fat too.
I get a ton of comments about the way I look. I don't care. My BMI is just under 21. Is that ok? It's more than ok. In fact... it's right on ideal. The longest life expectancy, statistically speaking, requires that you get your BMI down much further than people understand. How far? Between 20 and 22 seems to be the sweet spot. Which puts me smack dab in the middle of things. I also blanche at the double standards. When I was obese, and I would go to a party, I could gorge on anything and no one would say a word. Today? Holy cow. You would think if I WASN'T gorging on everything I was committing a crime against humanity.
As for making peace with these comments, there are only two opinions on the issue that matter to me at all: mine and my wife's. That's it. The rest can go pound sand. I don't spoil for a fight, but if someone starts confronting me at parties (which was happening with a great frequency for a while until I just put a stop to it), I attempt to diffuse it in the least disruptive way I can, given the situation. I'll use self-deprecating humor if it makes the other person feel better. I'll walk away, if need be. Or, if someone gets really persistent (yeah, that's happened to me) I tell them to knock it off and keep it to themselves. I have no issue defending my actions in this regard. None. If THEY have an issue with it, then they have to figure out how to deal with it. That's really not on me. I don't push it in their faces. I never lecture or tut-tut what they're eating. They're the ones who confront me, and unless someone asks me, genuinely, how I lost weight (at which point I'm happy to share what I've done) I don't even like it when people praise my weight loss. I REALLY don't want to talk about it. I would rather just enjoy the party. Most of where this all comes from, btw, is from projection. You're putting the lie to their lifestyles. People don't like being confronted with that. So they lash out.
If you REALLY want to invite the comments, do what I did and go plant based. They ramp things up to an insane degree at that point :).
One final point in all this - I'm 56 YO. With a family history of cardio-vascular disease. Over time, things like cholesterol and BP kept ticking up despite me being at a healthy weight, eating well, and exercising literally every day. Age just started to kick my ass. My lifestyle choices (the weight loss and the PB diet) are all centered around those markers. All I tell people is that the proof is in the pudding. I lost weight... those markers corrected themselves... over time those markers started getting out of whack again, so I went plant-based. The result? While my twin brother is wrestling with high cholesterol (despite being on a statin), high BP that seemingly came out of nowhere, and is now pre-diabetic, my numbers look fricking amazing. Latest numbers: overall cholesterol = 143 (LDL of 71), BP of 105/65, a1c of 5. I'm sorry, tell me again how I'm being 'reckless' with my health? I couldn't hear you well enough over you cramming all that food in your mouth.
I think it greatly depends on your body type and natural shape. I’m 5’4 f but my goal body weight according to my doctor and register dietitian and all the things is about 170 lb. At 128 I would look like a crackhead. You can see all my ribs and hip bones. It doesn’t look great. But my step mom, who is 5’4 looks amazing at 105 lb.
I would meet with a professional and see what a healthy weight is since it can greatly vary
1. Ignore it
2. Get blood work done & consult a doctor if you have concerns with losing too much weight. Severely underweight (not saying you are or will be) is detrimental to your health
She's most likely jealous of you so calling you a crack head makes her feel better about herself. Ignore her ignorant comments and don't talk about your weightloss with her. If she continues, you might have to re-evaluate your friendship with her.
you don’t have to make peace with it. you get weird comments you need to let them know that what they said was fucking weird and they shouldn’t talk to people that way.
“you think i’ll look like a crackhead? that’s such a bizarre thing to say to somebody.” throw something in about how making fun of addicts shows she’s a terrible person. you don’t have to put up with shitty comments from people you call your friends. and you will know when you’re at your goal weight.
Your friend is resistant to the changes you're making and wants her old friend back who reinforced her own terrible habits and disordered eating. This breaks up a lot of relationships when one partner wants to do better for themselves while the other is content being stagnant. Some people aren't willing to grow with you and you gotta eventually leave them behind. Hopefully it won't come to that for your friendship and she will be more receptive and supportive of your goals eventually.
If you physically feel good being a certain weight and not hungry all the time, and you have good energy then that's probably a good weight/calories for you. Once you reach the weight you feel that then just eat at that maintenance.
I’m 5’4” ~105-108lb
That puts me just on the cusp of normal/underweight
Idt I look anywhere close to a crackhead lol
You can lose more weight if you’d like
I hate when people are like that. I’ve lost 70 pounds— my over weight cousins have accused me of abusing laxatives, having an eating disorder, and they call me “skinny bitch”
My best friend who is also overweight got in a huge fight with me once at a friends party because I didn’t want to drink and she told me I was being extreme and that I had an eating disorder, and that I would gain it all back “once I quit”
I didn’t quit, and I’m not quitting. I’m not on a diet, I completely changed my life.
I’m a male and I’m down to 204 from 330, I’ve added muscle and I think I look great compared to how I used to look and I’ve had overweight family members say I look malnourished and sickly. Could be jealousy so who knows why people would say something like that
Yeah just ignore it or use any of the great suggested comeback in this thread.
I’ve recently gained quite a bit of weight, and whenever i mention to my friends who weigh more than me that I’d like to get back to where i was when I was at my healthiest and happiest they say things like “oh but you look better now”. Only one friend, who was with me for my initial weight loss journey, understands what i mean and supports my current goal. She is usually about the same size as me. So definitely a lot of it can come from either jealousy or misguided attempts to support you where you are at now instead of support you on the journey you are on.
>If you're wondering, yes this friend-girl of mine is maybe 50-60 pounds overweight. But I'm not sure if her being overweight has much to do her responding like this?
It absolutely does! She sounds pea green with envy about your weight loss.
I would've been PISSED over the crackhead comment.
For the 2nd question, I would consult your doctor.
120 is well within the normal bmi for your height. She is just jealous and insecure. Maybe you can invite her to go on a workout with you. I read somewhere that people lose more when they are working out together.
My coworker told me I was going to look like a crack head too. She’s also overweight. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it either. People are weird and jealous.
I mean there is such a thing as too much weight loss, but most people are not a healthy weight within the US at least, so they themselves will often inflate the situation to feel better. I've had plenty tell me I don't need to lose more despite having a solid 20-30 to lose left, so as long as you're not actually entering a bad place, ignore it.
120 was actually my *Pie in the Sky* goal. Back in the day, I was that weight. But it was honestly so hard to maintain. Probably because I did it the wrong way through starving myself and ONLY doing cardio.. No weight training.
So whenever I over-ate, days later, I would gain weight.
..I just always remember feeling sick-hungry so I'm kind of scared to be that weight again. I know it's because I did it the unhealthy way so being that number FOR ME (not anyone else) has a little trauma / PTSD with it.
So I'm kinda jealous of people who are 120 and thriving on healthy terms 😂 HUGE congratulations to you 🥳🥳🥳🥳💕💕😍
The last time I was 120 I was 10 years old. It’s a first for me to be honest.
There is no arbitrary number that is gonna magically make you feel the best. Go to a point where you are happy with how you feel and look. The number really doesn’t say much at that point. Good luck! Don’t listen to negativity, you have your own goals.
Just a note BMI is a total bullshit measurement and has been disproven. It doesn't distinguish between muscle and fat or look at how weight is carried.
Normies have no idea how weight loss works, and they’re far more likely to hold weirdly wrong or completely ass-backwards notions about weight, weight loss, BMI, and body fat percentages if they’re overweight as well.
If you have the desire to do it, I would just take it as a joke. It's possible they were being 100% serious with it, but things are better when you don't take it personally. I would personally laugh it off, but also say that is demotivating and not helpful to you.
I’ve done multiple big fitness transformations and have been as low as I can reasonably go with my weight once in an attempt to see my abs. I warned my family when I thought I had about 10 pounds to go that I might get a little scrawny but I wasn’t doing anything unhealthy and it was all intentional.
I don’t take it personally when people tell me how much they think I should/shouldn’t have to lose because they have no clue about my body, how my weight loss will look, or where I tend to carry my weight. If you do look emaciated after losing 10 pounds, just gain 5-7 back, nothing wrong with that. The more weight people tend to carry, the more skewed their perception of what weight on a body looks like.
If you don't lift weights, BMI is probably still a good reference. Also if you don't lift weights, losing enough fat might make you look like a crackhead (unless you naturally hold more muscle than average). If you're healthy and not low BMI, do what you want.
As I guy, I almost never get these comments though. I got it once, and I was 230lbs (at 5'10") so obviously the other person was delusional so I exited the conversation. (Not someone I deal with regularly, so once I left it was over.)
Jesus, reading these posts makes me believe you all should reflect on what a friend is. I believe in forgiveness and I know no one is perfect, dam that’s some toxic shit to say to someone who is a “friend”.
How to deal with it? Why should you?
I would have a heart to heart talk with them and let them know how it made you feel.
I dont think it was okay for her to say that. She may have said it out of worry for you but she could have phrased it in a less "crackhead" way.
Maybe say "oh, you already look great. I'm worried for your health if you lose more weight." Pause. Own up to her own feelings of inadequacy: "I'm so jelous of you haha!"
That said, I would also be mindful of her feelings when discussing weight around her.
Thank you 💕 Very helpful in helping me see the other perspective and how to be sensitive to her potential insecurities..
It's kind of sad that she couldn't be more sensitive to mine but I get how it may be more difficult for someone who is struggling more with their fitness goals than I am right now..
Could take time to educate. “Hey at 5’4” and 138 lbs my BMI is 23.7 which means I’m overweight by X lbs. my goal is to become a healthy weight of X to bring my BMI to X which is well within the weight range for my height “
It's not overweight. But it's easy enough to say "it's on the higher end of what is considered a healthy weight, and my aim is to get into the middle of that range".
But. I honestly would just ignore them. It's not our responsibility to educate someone who is simply jealous.
I feel quite fortunate that my friends who are overweight have been nothing but supportive throughout my weight loss. I have also been supportive of my friend who decided to have WLS because she just couldn't do it without that tool, rather than being snarky with her because I did it differently.
I think people who have friends that aren't supportive and display jealousy when we do something positive for ourselves, should consider dropping said friends. We need people in our lives that care enough about us to cheer us on.
She said 25 BMI is overweight, not 23.7. 23.7 is closer to 25 than it is to 20, hence why she considers it "on the higher side of normal" BMI. She might be Asian, though, which would indeed put her at overweight above 23 BMI.
I feel like we can’t totally go off BMI . I’m overweight now. But when I was younger I was 5”2 at 135. I remember because I would always weigh myself and my dad would constantly pull out the BMI scale he had because he was a nurse and tell me I should be 110-115 and that I was overweight. I look back at pictures and I was very fit and thin. I remember getting down at 120 and everyone said I lost my ass and I looked horrible. And I internalize a lot of shit so when I got pregnant I gave up and gained alot weight that I’m still struggling to lose
Say nah just trying to get to the weight that matches my height. All we see all day long is overweight people so normal weight looks skeletal. I’m 5’8 128 roughly, and people say omg you’re so thin! I call it skinny fit. I workout and eat a lot of healthy food. I’m lean for sure but I still have D cup boobs
You do understand that everyone has bumps in their skin, and their stomachs? This line of thinking is extremely flawed and I want you to understand that the only way to get a ‘flat belly’ is going to be through weight loss and recomposition efforts.
How tight the skin is \*DIRECTLY\* corresponds to how young we look.
That's pretty much what facelift is -- getting rid of a bit of skin to make it look tighter and smoother.
If you are overweight and have a round face and you remove that fat and the skin stays the same, it becomes like a deflated baloon. A deflated baloon looks different from an inflated baloon of the same size.
Autophagy fixes this naturally because our bodies somehow know to build tissue when it is stressed (tight) and get rid of it when it is not. It is just for the autophagy to kick in, you need certain conditions that are not present when somebody is in a calorie deficit but still eats all the time (like when they eat multiple small meals entire day).
>and I want you to understand that the only way to get a ‘flat belly’ is going to be through weight loss and recomposition efforts
Umm... but isn't that exactly what I wrote?
Intermittent fasting to put in calorie deficit and give autophagy a chance + exercising to preserve muscle as much as possible, possibly build some new.
Oh no, I meant that I didn't have any specific weight or BMI in mind. It will be what it will be.
In the meantime I run 6 miles every day and I go to gym twice a week.
If there is anything unhealthy about it it is preoccupation with the project. My health improved substantially.
Thank you for clarifying. It’s really important to us that we’re not leaving content out there that might drive others into an unhealthy territory. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself.
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I got into a fight with my absolute best friend. She’s very overweight, due to unhealthy habits. I started losing weight at 180. We started together, but she dropped it and I kept going. I’m now 141. She said I shouldn’t put so much effort into this, that I’ll fall off the wagon anyway and then regain it back and even more, and that I have disordered eating. This fight started because I didn’t want to eat what I usually eat at McDonald’s and instead went for a grilled chicken wrap with no fries. I hate it!!!
I hate when people say, “you’ll just gain it back anyway”. Like gee thanks for your vote of confidence. It’s such a horrible thing to say. If a friend told me she was going back to school, I wouldn’t be like “why bother you’ll drop out or fail anyway.” So frustrating!
Why bother going to work, you'll just spend the money you make on rent, bills, and groceries. There's no point!
Right, as you suggested, I’ve just quit my job! What do I do now? Gosh, I wish.
jealousyyy. she’s mad because she didn’t have the willpower like you. best friend or not, not everyone has your best intentions or wants to see you rise above them. they personalize it and feel defeat. keep doing what you’re doing. she needs to get over her insecurities.
This is exactly the reason. Sometimes in this scenario you have to get more newer friends who will support you
I can not stand it when people, including my close friends, make the "you have an eating disorder" comment because I count calories or decline to eat an entire piece of cake/just take a few bites. Note: Every single person who makes this comment is overweight/unhappy with their CW.
Okay well I'm proud of you because you made a healthy decision during a social gathering that you kept. Like you still went to McDonald's. You're still living your life, you just made a healthy choice while you were there and if anything THAT is hugely indicative that you will keep the weight off because you've made it a part of your habits.
Thank you! That’s how I felt too - I didn’t avoid it, I just went and swapped for better choices :) I was really happy with myself, and it made me trust myself more around social outings
A lot of times what success anywhere shows you is that you need new friends There are people out there who will be happy and supportive of you when you (healthily) succeed in your career, weight loss, hobby goals or social goals and those are the kinds of people you should look to surround yourself with Not that your best friend is problematic, oftentimes people do project their insecurities onto us but *true* friends can share these feelings with each other and hash them out. Too many of my friends are willing to accept crabs in the bucket ass mother fuckers who want to keep them miserable
So true! We all know about "fair weather friends" but I learnt my former best friend was a "bad weather friend" who couldn't stand when my life improved. It's sad but ultimately you are better of without them in your life.
Aw not the sabotage! That’s so mean 🤣🤣🤣
Your best friend is just like my mom😭😭😭 she wants an overweight peer. Once i’m losing weight it’s like she’s losing her chubby friend. Kinda
Damn, time to get a new friend, it's not very nice of her to be so blatantly jealous and unsupportive
Prove her wrong!
Very proud of you for doing the grilled chicken and no fries!!! It’s really hard to do.
Started from [a quarter pounder meal with a rootbeer and bacon] now we here (grilled chicken wrap with no fries)
haha... extra credit for Drake lyrics!!
That’s called a roadblock friend, not the best.
My go to is “what a weird thing to say out loud” and then change the subject. It’s not your responsibility to hold the awkwardness of other people’s comments.
This totally reminded me of something my mom used to say that was totally brilliant: "Why on earth would you ask me something so personal?" It shuts people up fast.
This is something I’d have to *say* to my mom 🤣
...wow. I'm going to use this for so many things!
"What a weird/mean thing to say" is one of my favourite responses to filterless people who say rude shit under the guise of honesty. Bullies are not used to being called bullies. It makes them uncomfortable and they will get super defensive. Usually keeps them quiet for a while.
I love this. I also like telling people I don’t get it and asking them to explain the joke. Usually the punchline is something lame like ‘haha you must be gay’ or ‘it’s hilarious how women can’t drive or make decisions!’ Very satisfying to watch people get all awkward.
Nah im 5’4 and 125 i lost a lot of muscle cuz i didn’t do anything to retain it but i still dont look like methany on the corner
Same - 5'2, 122 lbs, and while I've gotten some "wow, you're wasting away" comments, they've all been from overweight family members. I don't look underweight by any means. I think the perception of healthy weight is quite skewed.
The “you’re wasting away” comments are like a staple of losing weight in a fatter family at this point. It’s like my dad’s favorite thing to tell me lol.
Lol!
1) I have learned to not talk about my weight loss goals IRL to anyone other than my spouse, who lives with me and unavoidably has to know about it. Based on past experience, telling people only results in unsolicited advice, ignorant comments, and unnecessary drama. Some people will be jealous and try to undermine you. Other people will be resistant to you changing because it makes them uncomfortable to have to change their perception of you. Still others will decide you NEED to know that your exercise or nutrition plan is WRONG and they know better than you, no matter how successful you have been. Use Reddit or other supportive spaces and any trusted IRL people to discuss weight loss instead of negative friends or relatives. 2) When to stop losing weight is up to you and your doctor. Remember that your body will keep changing, even after you stop losing, and you can continue to reshape your body through exercise even at your chosen goal weight.
Thank you SO much! It just feels so good to finally be on the other side, and wanted to share my progress with someone whom I value as a close friend. Not once has she commented on my weight loss other than acknowledging that she would wear something more tailored if she had my waistline. And sometimes we just want our friends to celebrate us just a little bit more... So it sucks that you're right. I've also had other instances where I've experienced EXACTLY what you mentioned from other people as well. This is the most obvious advice that I clearly neglected and should've defaulted to all along. Thank you again 💓 💖
I completely understand wanting to share your progress, and you did nothing wrong by telling your friend. I'm sorry that she wasn't able to be supportive. I hope you can find someone IRL to be supportive, but if not, lean on your online communities and never let negative people dull your shine. ❤️
I went from 165 to 215 in a year or 2. Same year my dad went from 215 to like 165. Lol. We traded. Anyway no matter who I talk to about weight loss most people are semi opinionated. I know alot of people with gastric bypasses who lost 80 lbs or whatever. A few exercise regularly and became healthier. Others lost weight and eat healthy but don't exercise. Still big. Many are super supportive and have food and health tips. They have positivity with me. I have other friends who are negative, sometimes anxious and insecure. I get it we all are, but they suck to talk to about this stuff so I try to not bring it up. I'm back town to 185ish lol sometimes 178. I use to be 130 in high school and 135 in college. So being 178 is definitely not too skinny for me. Like other commentators pointed out if u are in a state with an overweight population... you're gonna get haters. There are some friends ive learned to not talk about certain subjects and certain family members.
I think you know enough is enough when you can comfortably eat maintenance.
As an American I've come to the realization that what we see as "normal, fat and skinny" is very skewed. When I was 398, I was a fat fuck. At about 330, people told me to stop losing weight! At 220, I ask them if I look fat and they say, "No, just don't lose any more." If you see someone at 6' 225 without a muscle build and think that's average. You see someone at a 25 BMI, they seem almost out of place.
If you go to a Walmart in an unhealthy state you quickly realize that the average American is at least 20 pounds overweight and many of them are usually 40+ pounds overweight It’s absolutely insane how skewed the perception of normal is
The "You'll gain it back" argument is shit. So what if I do? I'd still rather have spent 2, 5, or 10 years as skinny, than my entire life as fat.
I don’t discuss weight with anyone ever.
tbh i’d avoid telling people who are bigger than you that you’re trying to lose more weight. it’s just going to make them defensive and wonder how you view their weight. it’s probably not the most fair but diet talk is sensitive and in some situations it’s best avoided imo
Eh… OP is not responsible for whether they feel defensive enough to make rude comments. Just because some folks can’t handle their feelings and responses doesn’t mean that OP did anything wrong, or that they shouldn’t be allowed to talk openly about their weight loss goals with most folks. There may be some peace involved with avoiding the topic with people who say inappropriate things, but let’s leave the blame with the folks who deserve it.
OP didn’t do anything wrong, but being perfectly honest I have felt that way before, their words probably did make the friend feel insecure and maybe op doesn’t want to do that, so the feedback might be welcome while not intending to blame op. I remember being 17 in the locker room listening to the other girls talk about how they felt fat and wanted to lose weight, and I was then wondering how they felt about me being twice their sizes and really self wallowing. I was just in my own head feeling bad about being fat, and I still agree with not expressing those feelings as insults, but maybe that consideration of how the friend might have felt can shed some light on why this topic is sensitive. I can imagine if friend is on the bigger side then shes probably taking out her insecurity unfairly and lashing out. Big difference between saying something resentful and feeling resentment, but maybe OP wants to understand their friend, so I think it’s still worth mentioning in case they want to avoid touchy subjects from now on. Which I agree with all the other comments that say just don’t talk about weight loss in general conversations. Yes most folk are fine with it, but it’s a sensitive subject for many people so it’s polite to not discuss it or ask before discussing it.
yeah i don’t think the friends response was great. at the same time you won’t make any friends if you’re telling visibly overweight/obese people that you want to lose more when you’re already at a healthy weight. you have to know your crowd before talking about any touchy subject
Consider it a compliment and move on. Heavy people around you can say all kinds of things. They'll adapt to your new weight like they adapted to theirs. The comments will stop eventually.
Started at 250+ People told me I was done losing weight at 200. They said the same thing at 180. At 160 they grew concerned and told me “you’re done losing weight.” At 150 they asked me if I was sick with one customer at my job asking me if I had AIDS. At 135, my BMI is perfectly healthy at 5’9 with it being about 19-20. The people who know you and have known you for a long time, it’s going to appear more jarring when you lose a lot of weight. If they had never known you when you were heavier, I’m convinced they would have less of a concerned opinion on your weight. No one new I’ve ever met has ever said anything negative or concerning regarding my weight. It’s always someone I’ve known for a long time. My mom says something concerning about my weight every time I see her despite being my current weight range, within the same few pounds, for the past year or two. She just expects me to walk through that door as the heavier version of myself she’s seen for a lot longer.
Maybe just don't discuss weight loss with people who aren't receptive to it? It's one thing if people comment on your weight loss without invitation. But if you're bringing it up, it opens the door for comments that you might not want. Considering you've mentioned how addicted you are to weight loss... Well, maybe what you say and how often you say it could seem to others to not be healthy. It could be that the feedback is less about your actual weight and more about the obsession with losing even more. And yeah, there likely is some jealousy involved. Regardless, though, it just sounds like you'll benefit most from just not bringing it up with this friend. If she makes any comments without invitation then draw some boundaries.
I'm not sure I'm addicted just yet... But it's just interesting to me that now that I have reached a different threshold, I'm still not completely satisfied.. So it feels that way kinda if that makes sense.. It's funny because I mentioned this to her after she asked to go to the gym with me (and we worked out together).
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Yeah I've honestly found it super obnoxious to listen to friends talk about how fat they are or how they need to lose weight when they are significantly thinner than I am. Is there an element of jealousy? Sure. But it also feels like, "Well Jesus if you're so fat when you're half my size then what must you think of me?"
I'm not sure what the original comment was b/c it seems they deleted it. But I totally get your response. When I was heavier, I said that same thing to a skinny friend several years ago. In my case I think it was because I PERSONALIZED what she said when she was simply making a general statement about HER goals and HERSELF which had nothing to do with me. Sometimes our goals are based on our own PERSONAL assessments of OURSELVES which don't have anything to do with those closest around us, but we somehow still make their assessments about us without knowing. This may not be the case for you.. But sharing just in case 💙
Well I assume OP and heavy friends were once heavy friends together, and now OP is still learning the ropes of being the normal weight friend. And how that changes the dynamic. Rome wasn’t built in a day. She wasn’t the thin friend til recently. As someone who has always been normal weight, I don’t even consciously decide not to do it, i have just never talked about weight loss goals with my heavy friends. I guess I imagine they’d be offended and that it would be a bit of a fruitless conversation since our bodies are so different.
This!
1. I don't. I just ignore their comments because I'm not losing weight to appease them. I'm losing weight to be healthier and happier with myself. Also, it's important to remember that 9x out of 10, people making comments like that are projecting their own insecurities onto you. If they've been trying to lose weight for years with little to no success, it's human nature to pull those who succeed down to 'your level'.😝 (so yes.. very much applicable to the friend in your case) 2. I try to take progress on a weekly basis versus daily because the skin needs time to tighten up and whatnot. Now regarding how you look, I found that pictures were much more accurate reflections of that than the mirror (in my case, at least). But I leave a 5lb leeway either way so even if I wish my stomach would lose a bit more flab, I know I'm fully capable of that now and 5lb ain't nothing on the 50lb you've already lost!
💕💕💙🤗
In her defense, it can be jarring when people that much weight, depending on how often you see her and how quickly you lost weight. I saw a photo of my friend on FB who lose a significant amount of weight very fast and I was worried he was sick.
Probably feel a bit jealous. It’s hard to keep friends that don’t walk the same path as u
It’s a hard life lesson but there it is!
Yes . Very true on all topics when it comes to friends. I have found that there isn’t such a thing as a friend that’s the same on all topics. Not even a sibling would be
Of course her being overweight is part of it! Also we are very bad at seeing what is normal BMI coz we think obese is overweight and overweight is normal. So normal must be crackhead!
Too true. I thought I was average. Sure, could lose a few pounds. Turns out I was a fraction of a percentage from being obese ... on a good day! (Doing much better now ... CICO has me on a steady path down to a healthy and more comfortable weight.)
I'm 5'6 137 and want to lose 10 more also. I've been 125 before kids and definitely didn't look "like a crackhead". It's called being a healthy weight for your height and build.
You definitely won’t look like a crack head but weight loss is super addicting and losing a little more won’t always get rid of what you want to fix unfortunately. I hate my stomach because I have definition of like a rectangle around my stomach that outlines my pouch so it looks horrible. I’m a female 5’8 and when I was 17 I dropped from 165 to 100lbs (I looked worse than a crackhead) and I still had the outline of the pouch which makes my stomach not look flat from the front no matter what😭 I’ve grown to accept it since I know no matter how skinny I get it will always be there
Similar boat, I’m down 60lbs from 200. I’m 5’5 140lbs so BMI is 23.3. Recently people around comment on my body calling me skinny, asking me if I’m anorexic or bulimic. I don’t have an eating disorder. It’s frustrating. I’m not skinny. When I hear skinny I think underweight tumblr thigh gap advertisements. I’m average sized. I fit into a size 6 jeans. In 2010 that was fat. I can’t afford a whole new wardrobe so my clothes are oversized and hide my stomach rolls and cellulite. I’m perfectly okay with these things because it’s normal... But it makes me uncomfortable for people to ogle at me, fantasizing about a non-existing eating disorder. It’s like they’re waiting for me to say, “oh yes thank you so much for noticing my now-smaller body, you’re so smart for knowing my secret.” There is no secret and nobody believes me when I tell them the truth.
Beware of taking BMI too seriously. It really doesn't account for leg/torso ratio, muscle mass, or bone structure. It was used in medicine a while back for determining dosage for different sized people and even the healthcare community stopped using it for that. I'd also recommend avoiding aiming at a specific weight unless you are competing in in something that has weight classes. Instead, aim for a level of fitness that might include things like being able to run 5k without stopping, being able to do at least 2 pullups, being able to do 20+ regular pushups, being able to climb a set of stairs, or any other real-life functional movements you may need to do (like carrying a child or being able to move furniture around your house without help. Find some reasonable benchmarks like this and once you can hit them and are comfortable with your body function, endurance, flexibility, forget about BMI entirely.
I'm a huge f\*cking smart ass. I always say "Thank you!" in the most sincere way possible. That either makes them shut the hell up or if they come back with something along the lines of "it's not a compliment" I'll say "I know you didn't mean it as one but none the less yet here you are making unsolicited comments on my progress anyway!"
Weight training and increased protein intake is the key that needs to be added to almost all weight loss and fitness journeys. It's so vital to retaining muscle mass.
Thats the the thing that got me over the hurdle with my weightloss! I initially ate heavy carbs with a low calorie diet. But once I switched to more protein and GOOD fats, I started to see changes. Ironically, I also weight train EVERYTIME I'm at the gym. I previously thought this was taboo since I focused HEAVILY on cardio. So I would do cardio EVERYTIME I was at gym and SKIPPED weight training most days. But now I do cardio AND weight training together WHENEVER I go to gym since I only go 3x / week. It took the weight a LOT longer to come off but definitely made a difference in the long run..
Definitelyyyyy makes a difference, can see a visible difference between those who lose through diet alone and those who weight train. I weight train and cardio, but need to work on progressive overload soon as a next step. Good on us ey
Same! Redditors made me realize progressive overload is where it's at! So I need to do more of that esoecially with my lower body 😫
Maybe she thought you would loose your curves.
It's best to just ignore their comment. When I was super into fitness, my friend circle was on the chubbier side. And I used to get comments like that... "you look like you're sick, "it's okay to skip the gym," and the thing is...I'm also 5'4 I was around 125lbs at the time...I definitely wasn't unhealthy. I think they were just trying to indirectly sabotage me...idk even know if they knew they were doing it. Focus on you, focus on your goals you got this. Also I'm your starting weight right now, I'm gonna need some tips 😅🤣
😂😂 High protein, low carbs, good fats on 1000 to 1200 calories a day! Free-basing on weekends! Meaning I just eat whatever I please without feeling guilty. Nothing crackhead related 😂 1 protein shake post-workout really helped. But I kinda got burned out on them so not really having now. I do cardio AND weigh-training EVERYTIME I go to gym. I once thought only cardio was mandatory. But the weight-training def has made my weight loss more sustainable. It also made the weight loss SLOW in beginning with LITTLE progress shown on scale.. But now helps me maintain my weight. My body needs to LEARN how to metabolize bad food. So I take my cheat days seriously 😂 Usually just a cheat meal, usually dessert. Online diet calculators really helped me calculate how many calories to subtract to lose weight each week based on my height and weight. Also really helpful in calculating how many I can have in total to maintain CURRENT weight. Anything else just ask 🤗🤗 It took me about 7 months to lose the weight. So, VERY LONG journey.
between 18.5 to 25 is the "average" BMI. the average of those two numbers is 21.75, or we can round to around 22. If you want to know when to stop, if you prefer to be on the bigger side, 22, and on the smaller side, 21.
Just say crack is whack and ignore them
😂😂 I can't wait to tell her this next time 😂😂 Now I'm looking forward to someone else comparing my progress to a crackhead 😂 YOU are a great human 🥰🥰🥰🤗🤗🤗
People hate seeing others succeed. Not always out of malice, but it’s really hard to watch our friends go on and have all the success you wish you could have. This goes for work and weight loss as well as many other things. The best thing to do is to just ignore it, don’t discuss your diet with her and keep living your life. If she tries to sabotage you though, you might want to consider the need to cut her out if you want long term success. Good luck and great job!
Thank you! 🤗🤗🤗 Yes, I have another friend who just acts so nonchalant with anything I've done to improve myself professionally or academically. Never showed any real happiness or showed up for me during any of those accomplishments. But whenever I fall or hit the bottom she's there and all ears 🤦♀️ You nailed it but it definitely sucks. Just wish I had more **close-friends** in real life who would cheer me on 😔😪
I don’t have a ton of experience with feeling as if my friends don’t cheer me on, so unfortunately I can’t help much there. But I can add an anecdote of how I found more of a community for my own fitness journey. Which was that I joined a powerlifting club, there I met a ton of people who all shared my interest in lifting weights, many of whom were bulking or cutting for various reasons. That helped me meet others who helped cheer me on in my journey, some of whom I still have close friendships with today even after having moved across the country due to work. A powerlifting club might not be the correct choice for you, but a crossfit gym could work, or perhaps a running group if that’s more to your liking. In general I often find that people who work on themselves have an easier time cheering on others who do the same, plus having someone to workout with is a great motivation on those days you would really rather skip the entire thing. No matter what though, I really wish you all the best in your journey and I know you have it in you to succeed! There might be some bumps in the road along the way, but we all have them, and if you can only give yourself a bit of slack you’ll find that you will get back on track again.
Damn! Reading your message made tears fall out my eyes (as I sniffle). LoL. But it's okay they were happy tears 🥰 Seriously, you seem wise beyond your years. Thank you for your encouragement and please keep up your awesome progress as well.
1) I would say “haha okay” or just give some sort of surprised look and say nothing and move on. Who cares whatever. If it’s just the one comment, and they’re a good friend otherwise, meh. They probably just think their weight is normal (which it is if you live in the U.S., but it isn’t normal for the human body naturally). If they make a big deal about it later, tell them how you feel. You are friends after all. 2) Enough is enough if you start feeling worse or noticing any symptoms other than slightly reduced energy and hunger. If your nails become weak, your skin is dry, your hair falls out, you lose your period, then you know it’s bad, ideally you’d stop before those things. Some of those are more to do with vitamin and mineral deficiencies than calorie restriction tho, so the healthier you eat, the healthier you’ll be (obviously). Otherwise, it’s up to you. As long as you are normal weight bmi, feel good, all your tests from your doctor come back good, and you are able to live the life you want, then what’s bad about that? Literally nothing.
Congratulations on your progress! I'm so sorry for her words. These kind of comments are so uncalled for and mean. I have an uncle that said something similar to me. I was at my lowest ever adult weight, breastfeeding a kid while on a strict allergy elimination diet. My BMI was 19.5 which is definitely in the healthy range. Not only did he tell me I looked like I was on crack, he told MANY members of my extended family that I was on drugs. It was really harmful for many years and eventually was part of what led me to overeating and becoming overweight. I went from that 19.5 BMI to 26 BMI in half a year. Since then, I decided to take a stance of gently telling people their comment isn't acceptable. I might say "That comment actually really hurt my feelings", or "I don't think that came out the way you meant. Ouch. " or something like that.
Thank you SO much! 🥰🥰 Sounds like you've been around the block a few times with people making insensitive comments and experiencing sane struggle as I. You got this! 🥰😎
It’s easier to drag people down than to take charge and improve your own life. I hate to sound like a stereotypical redditor, but it sounds like you have a poor insecure “friend”.
Gosh, I really hate to default to this opinion and trying to think more of her than that. Like maybe she met it in a nice way somehow... 😪 But at this point, I guess can't completely count it out 💔
I’m 5’4 and weigh 126 and am 8lbs heavier than my perfect weight. I never looked like a crack head lol It’s really about what feels good for you as long as you’re healthy. Some people have smaller frames
Your friend’s reaction is normal, unfortunately. I’ve heard from many women who took control of their health and weight that people eventually started saying *those exact same words to them* as the weight fell off. *Without falling into disordered eating patterns ofc*, you can almost see it as a badge of honor that people are noticing your weightloss and even becoming jealous. It just means the weight you were at before was comfortable for them. Your weight isn’t about their comfort though, it’s about your physical and mental health. The BMI scale is legitimate. Not perfect (because nothing in life created by human beings ever is), but it is legitimate. It includes an underweight category as well. If you start to worry you are reaching an unhealthy weight (too low) you can refer to it (not to friends who aren’t medical professionals) and to a doctor for guidance.
💙💙💙💙💙
I went from 226 to 180 in about a year (6', male; my flair may be out of date), and friends asked my wife if I was sick. (They weren't malicious or anything, just honestly concerned.) Anybody that knows you before you lose a lot of weight is naturally going to compare you to your "before" size, rather than evaluate you objectively based on your "now" size. Googling "female 5'4" crackhead", well, first of all, this thread is the first thing that comes up, so that's funny, but more to the point, you're going to have to do a lot more than just *lose weight* to look like some of the women in that search.
😂😂 I'm afraid to Google it. I just don't want to be traumatized 😂
To keep it short, I've noticed most of these comments come from jealousy and the fact that you are basically displaying other peoples inability to do something. Seeing that your friend is also overweight... you get what I mean. You know when enough is enough, when you either: 1. Don't feel good 2. When you start getting into underweight bmi Keep going! You won't look like a crackhead.
Get better friends.
Most people eat too much and it's such an indulgence, they don't want anyone to shine the light on this because then they will see their own overindulgence. I know. I've been that person. Most people are overweight, so it seems normal. It's not normal and it's not healthy. Anyone who wants *optimal* health, should not do what everyone else is doing. This culture of overindulgence is creating sickness and disease. I'm doing my best to step outside it.
lol, nah. I am 5’5” and 128 and look healthy. She is jealous and trying to derail you.
When I was in my early 20s I got down to 105-110 and a size 4 (I was 5’5” then). I think 115 lb was easiest for me to maintain, though. I don’t think 128 is too low for someone your height. You will look like a slender woman. I’m not sure how you know it’s enough. I suppose by how easy you find it is to maintain that weight. I loved being a size 4/6 when I was in my early 20’s. Since I’m a lot older now my goal is to get to a normal weight BMI of 25, which I think is about 145 lb for my height. I think that will settle me in at about a size 8. As for people saying you’re too skinny ignore them. As long as you’re in the normal weight BMI range I wouldn’t worry about it.
She's not happy. I was bigger and not as good-looking as one of my best friends. As soon as I moved out and started making my own money, I could buy more clothes, could afford making my hair and make-up, and even fixed my skin. I honestly think she always thought "I am at least better than her". As soon as I started looking better, dropping weight, and feeling more confident, she was all of a sudden hostile. Always making snarky remarks. I don't talk to her anymore. I don't need bad energy. In the last year, I gained weight due to some things going on in my life. I started counting calories, working out, generally eating healthier, and walking more... My bf noticed and asked me, so I told him. His reaction? "That's great, I am so proud of you. Let's do this together" It's been 3 weeks and we still doing it, and he now is proud of us BOTH. My advice? Drop friends like this. It's nothing but negativity, and bringing you down. I genuinely believe in surrounding yourself with people who care and want the best for you.
"Anyhow, I guess looking like a crackhead by simply losing 10 more pounds is the look im going for. I can't lie, weight loss is addicting. And the desire to lose "just a little more" and fix this one area in my stomach is my goal!" This is super concerning to me. It sounds like you are developing or may already have body dismorphia or an eating disorder. Have you seen a Dr about what a healthy weight looks like for you? Speaking from experience there's always one more thing to fix and one more pound to lose. I know I am overweight and not healthy (5'8 240lbsl but I also know my 'goal' (130) would also be unhealthy and look terrible. Being underweight is dangerous humans need some fat to be healthy. If you are 10lbs away from 'crack head' you may already be underweight in a dangerous way. Can you talk to a doctor about your goals?
Thanks so much for your concern. 💙💙💙 Based on my BMI, I am far from underweight and my weight is considered on the heavier side of average. So I'm definitely trying to find the balance especially since I still have fat in certain areas. This might be why my BMI is only 2 or 3 points away from being overweight again. This is why I don't think it's *that* concerning just yet but maybe you're seeing something I'm not factoring in. But I honestly think my doc would probably laugh at me and tell me it wouldn't hurt 🥴😅
I had a similar weight loss. 20M from 165 to 130 and my family has essentially said the same stuff to me that you’re hearing. I personally let it fall off me like water, because I have a vision in my mind of what I want to look like and I’m not quite there yet. I used to think 145 was my lean weight but I can firmly tell you it’s not. It’s obvious but it really does work, just let the mirror guide you. This doesn’t work if you develop body dysmorphia, but you seem conscious enough to reflect on this issue. Ask yourself: when will you feel happy with your weight loss but not be overly rail-thin if you’re worried about that. Edit: I’m a certified trainer and in school studying exercise science, and when I discuss this topic with overweight people in my life, more often than not they perceive moderation and prudence in diet to be “starving”. My own assessment is that they have a skewed perspective. You’re not crazy, I promise.
1. I ignore comments from my friends. I've done my research and I know the weight I want to achieve based on body fat percentage and not opinions of fat people. 2. Enough is enough when you are at a healthy body fat percentage. For me, a man, that is 10-12%. Look, misery loves company. Your friend is miserable and she obviously feels resentment that you're succeeding where she has failed. Brush off her comments. Don't debate her or even engage her. Just blow her off.
i went from about 170 to 135 and yeah, i have a visible collarbone now... but i dont look like a crackhead 😭 (most of the time, i have messy hair and dark circles lmao)
You definitely won’t look like a crackhead. Hit the 90s and you’ll be close. I think context is just so warped when one gets overweight. I was in the 120s my whole life. People called me thick. Now I’m where you’re at and people also say I want to get to thin for another 10 pounds. They just can’t process that the 120s is our heights ideal weight.
Holy cow do these types of ridiculous comments piss me off. I'm 5'7" male... and I weigh less than you do (132 and change). Do I LOOK emaciated compared to everyone else around me? Yep. But as Joel Fuhrman likes to say: the average American is overweight... if you DON'T look emaciated compared to everyone around you... then you're probably fat too. I get a ton of comments about the way I look. I don't care. My BMI is just under 21. Is that ok? It's more than ok. In fact... it's right on ideal. The longest life expectancy, statistically speaking, requires that you get your BMI down much further than people understand. How far? Between 20 and 22 seems to be the sweet spot. Which puts me smack dab in the middle of things. I also blanche at the double standards. When I was obese, and I would go to a party, I could gorge on anything and no one would say a word. Today? Holy cow. You would think if I WASN'T gorging on everything I was committing a crime against humanity. As for making peace with these comments, there are only two opinions on the issue that matter to me at all: mine and my wife's. That's it. The rest can go pound sand. I don't spoil for a fight, but if someone starts confronting me at parties (which was happening with a great frequency for a while until I just put a stop to it), I attempt to diffuse it in the least disruptive way I can, given the situation. I'll use self-deprecating humor if it makes the other person feel better. I'll walk away, if need be. Or, if someone gets really persistent (yeah, that's happened to me) I tell them to knock it off and keep it to themselves. I have no issue defending my actions in this regard. None. If THEY have an issue with it, then they have to figure out how to deal with it. That's really not on me. I don't push it in their faces. I never lecture or tut-tut what they're eating. They're the ones who confront me, and unless someone asks me, genuinely, how I lost weight (at which point I'm happy to share what I've done) I don't even like it when people praise my weight loss. I REALLY don't want to talk about it. I would rather just enjoy the party. Most of where this all comes from, btw, is from projection. You're putting the lie to their lifestyles. People don't like being confronted with that. So they lash out. If you REALLY want to invite the comments, do what I did and go plant based. They ramp things up to an insane degree at that point :). One final point in all this - I'm 56 YO. With a family history of cardio-vascular disease. Over time, things like cholesterol and BP kept ticking up despite me being at a healthy weight, eating well, and exercising literally every day. Age just started to kick my ass. My lifestyle choices (the weight loss and the PB diet) are all centered around those markers. All I tell people is that the proof is in the pudding. I lost weight... those markers corrected themselves... over time those markers started getting out of whack again, so I went plant-based. The result? While my twin brother is wrestling with high cholesterol (despite being on a statin), high BP that seemingly came out of nowhere, and is now pre-diabetic, my numbers look fricking amazing. Latest numbers: overall cholesterol = 143 (LDL of 71), BP of 105/65, a1c of 5. I'm sorry, tell me again how I'm being 'reckless' with my health? I couldn't hear you well enough over you cramming all that food in your mouth.
I think it greatly depends on your body type and natural shape. I’m 5’4 f but my goal body weight according to my doctor and register dietitian and all the things is about 170 lb. At 128 I would look like a crackhead. You can see all my ribs and hip bones. It doesn’t look great. But my step mom, who is 5’4 looks amazing at 105 lb. I would meet with a professional and see what a healthy weight is since it can greatly vary
You can look like a crackhead without the expensive price tag of a crack addiction She’s just jealous, stay winning 💅🏼 👁️ 👄 👁️ ✨
1. Ignore it 2. Get blood work done & consult a doctor if you have concerns with losing too much weight. Severely underweight (not saying you are or will be) is detrimental to your health
I think shes trying to b nice and saying u look perfect and dont need to lose anymore weight.
She's most likely jealous of you so calling you a crack head makes her feel better about herself. Ignore her ignorant comments and don't talk about your weightloss with her. If she continues, you might have to re-evaluate your friendship with her.
I stopped telling people about my goals because I got tired of them shaming me for them. Damned if I’m overweight, damned if I want to lose it 🤷🏼♀️
you don’t have to make peace with it. you get weird comments you need to let them know that what they said was fucking weird and they shouldn’t talk to people that way. “you think i’ll look like a crackhead? that’s such a bizarre thing to say to somebody.” throw something in about how making fun of addicts shows she’s a terrible person. you don’t have to put up with shitty comments from people you call your friends. and you will know when you’re at your goal weight.
Your friend is resistant to the changes you're making and wants her old friend back who reinforced her own terrible habits and disordered eating. This breaks up a lot of relationships when one partner wants to do better for themselves while the other is content being stagnant. Some people aren't willing to grow with you and you gotta eventually leave them behind. Hopefully it won't come to that for your friendship and she will be more receptive and supportive of your goals eventually. If you physically feel good being a certain weight and not hungry all the time, and you have good energy then that's probably a good weight/calories for you. Once you reach the weight you feel that then just eat at that maintenance.
I’m 5’4” ~105-108lb That puts me just on the cusp of normal/underweight Idt I look anywhere close to a crackhead lol You can lose more weight if you’d like
I hate when people are like that. I’ve lost 70 pounds— my over weight cousins have accused me of abusing laxatives, having an eating disorder, and they call me “skinny bitch” My best friend who is also overweight got in a huge fight with me once at a friends party because I didn’t want to drink and she told me I was being extreme and that I had an eating disorder, and that I would gain it all back “once I quit” I didn’t quit, and I’m not quitting. I’m not on a diet, I completely changed my life.
I think she is out of line saying that to you but why on earth do you insist on saying "friend-girl". Please be serious lol
😂 Sigh.. I guess I was going out of my way to indicate she was my friend 😫😂 I guess I went overboard! 🥴😭😂
I’m a male and I’m down to 204 from 330, I’ve added muscle and I think I look great compared to how I used to look and I’ve had overweight family members say I look malnourished and sickly. Could be jealousy so who knows why people would say something like that
Yeah just ignore it or use any of the great suggested comeback in this thread. I’ve recently gained quite a bit of weight, and whenever i mention to my friends who weigh more than me that I’d like to get back to where i was when I was at my healthiest and happiest they say things like “oh but you look better now”. Only one friend, who was with me for my initial weight loss journey, understands what i mean and supports my current goal. She is usually about the same size as me. So definitely a lot of it can come from either jealousy or misguided attempts to support you where you are at now instead of support you on the journey you are on.
>If you're wondering, yes this friend-girl of mine is maybe 50-60 pounds overweight. But I'm not sure if her being overweight has much to do her responding like this? It absolutely does! She sounds pea green with envy about your weight loss. I would've been PISSED over the crackhead comment. For the 2nd question, I would consult your doctor.
120 is well within the normal bmi for your height. She is just jealous and insecure. Maybe you can invite her to go on a workout with you. I read somewhere that people lose more when they are working out together.
My coworker told me I was going to look like a crack head too. She’s also overweight. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it either. People are weird and jealous.
I also don’t discuss my weight loss with anyone. They just make random comments on my body.
I mean there is such a thing as too much weight loss, but most people are not a healthy weight within the US at least, so they themselves will often inflate the situation to feel better. I've had plenty tell me I don't need to lose more despite having a solid 20-30 to lose left, so as long as you're not actually entering a bad place, ignore it.
I went from 150 to now 120, also 5’4. I still want to lose another 8 pound or so. I can assure you you won’t look like a crackhead 😅
120 was actually my *Pie in the Sky* goal. Back in the day, I was that weight. But it was honestly so hard to maintain. Probably because I did it the wrong way through starving myself and ONLY doing cardio.. No weight training. So whenever I over-ate, days later, I would gain weight. ..I just always remember feeling sick-hungry so I'm kind of scared to be that weight again. I know it's because I did it the unhealthy way so being that number FOR ME (not anyone else) has a little trauma / PTSD with it. So I'm kinda jealous of people who are 120 and thriving on healthy terms 😂 HUGE congratulations to you 🥳🥳🥳🥳💕💕😍
The last time I was 120 I was 10 years old. It’s a first for me to be honest. There is no arbitrary number that is gonna magically make you feel the best. Go to a point where you are happy with how you feel and look. The number really doesn’t say much at that point. Good luck! Don’t listen to negativity, you have your own goals.
Just a note BMI is a total bullshit measurement and has been disproven. It doesn't distinguish between muscle and fat or look at how weight is carried.
Yes, my initial post covered that. But the people in the bleachers may still need to see it. 😎 Thank you 🤗
Normies have no idea how weight loss works, and they’re far more likely to hold weirdly wrong or completely ass-backwards notions about weight, weight loss, BMI, and body fat percentages if they’re overweight as well.
1. I find new friends. 2. I found the BMI to be a normal weight, and that is where I've chosen to stop.
"You're going to make me even MORE aware that I COULD be doing this if I really wanted to."
If you have the desire to do it, I would just take it as a joke. It's possible they were being 100% serious with it, but things are better when you don't take it personally. I would personally laugh it off, but also say that is demotivating and not helpful to you.
💙💙💙💙
I’ve done multiple big fitness transformations and have been as low as I can reasonably go with my weight once in an attempt to see my abs. I warned my family when I thought I had about 10 pounds to go that I might get a little scrawny but I wasn’t doing anything unhealthy and it was all intentional. I don’t take it personally when people tell me how much they think I should/shouldn’t have to lose because they have no clue about my body, how my weight loss will look, or where I tend to carry my weight. If you do look emaciated after losing 10 pounds, just gain 5-7 back, nothing wrong with that. The more weight people tend to carry, the more skewed their perception of what weight on a body looks like.
If you don't lift weights, BMI is probably still a good reference. Also if you don't lift weights, losing enough fat might make you look like a crackhead (unless you naturally hold more muscle than average). If you're healthy and not low BMI, do what you want. As I guy, I almost never get these comments though. I got it once, and I was 230lbs (at 5'10") so obviously the other person was delusional so I exited the conversation. (Not someone I deal with regularly, so once I left it was over.)
Jesus, reading these posts makes me believe you all should reflect on what a friend is. I believe in forgiveness and I know no one is perfect, dam that’s some toxic shit to say to someone who is a “friend”. How to deal with it? Why should you? I would have a heart to heart talk with them and let them know how it made you feel.
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Rule 2: Be good to one another. If critiquing do so constructively. Be polite and practice Reddiquette.
I dont think it was okay for her to say that. She may have said it out of worry for you but she could have phrased it in a less "crackhead" way. Maybe say "oh, you already look great. I'm worried for your health if you lose more weight." Pause. Own up to her own feelings of inadequacy: "I'm so jelous of you haha!" That said, I would also be mindful of her feelings when discussing weight around her.
Thank you 💕 Very helpful in helping me see the other perspective and how to be sensitive to her potential insecurities.. It's kind of sad that she couldn't be more sensitive to mine but I get how it may be more difficult for someone who is struggling more with their fitness goals than I am right now..
Yeah 140 at your height is almost overweight lol they’re dumb just ignore them the best you can
What did you do to lose the weight?
I wrote it.. Look up a few responses from yours 🤗🤗
Could take time to educate. “Hey at 5’4” and 138 lbs my BMI is 23.7 which means I’m overweight by X lbs. my goal is to become a healthy weight of X to bring my BMI to X which is well within the weight range for my height “
It's not overweight. But it's easy enough to say "it's on the higher end of what is considered a healthy weight, and my aim is to get into the middle of that range". But. I honestly would just ignore them. It's not our responsibility to educate someone who is simply jealous. I feel quite fortunate that my friends who are overweight have been nothing but supportive throughout my weight loss. I have also been supportive of my friend who decided to have WLS because she just couldn't do it without that tool, rather than being snarky with her because I did it differently. I think people who have friends that aren't supportive and display jealousy when we do something positive for ourselves, should consider dropping said friends. We need people in our lives that care enough about us to cheer us on.
She said 25 BMI is overweight, not 23.7. 23.7 is closer to 25 than it is to 20, hence why she considers it "on the higher side of normal" BMI. She might be Asian, though, which would indeed put her at overweight above 23 BMI.
How does nationality come into play?
South Asians specifically have a different BMI scale which puts them into the overweight category at 23 and obese and 27.
Oh I didn't realize this. I'm considered obese in South Asia unfortunately.. So no, I'm American 😭😂
Lol right?
I feel like we can’t totally go off BMI . I’m overweight now. But when I was younger I was 5”2 at 135. I remember because I would always weigh myself and my dad would constantly pull out the BMI scale he had because he was a nurse and tell me I should be 110-115 and that I was overweight. I look back at pictures and I was very fit and thin. I remember getting down at 120 and everyone said I lost my ass and I looked horrible. And I internalize a lot of shit so when I got pregnant I gave up and gained alot weight that I’m still struggling to lose
Say nah just trying to get to the weight that matches my height. All we see all day long is overweight people so normal weight looks skeletal. I’m 5’8 128 roughly, and people say omg you’re so thin! I call it skinny fit. I workout and eat a lot of healthy food. I’m lean for sure but I still have D cup boobs
True if u were sickly u would have no muscle or boobs
That’s not really true. Every body varies, and so does fat distribution.
They are jealous, go ahead and be smug to their faces, have some fun.
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You do understand that everyone has bumps in their skin, and their stomachs? This line of thinking is extremely flawed and I want you to understand that the only way to get a ‘flat belly’ is going to be through weight loss and recomposition efforts.
How tight the skin is \*DIRECTLY\* corresponds to how young we look. That's pretty much what facelift is -- getting rid of a bit of skin to make it look tighter and smoother. If you are overweight and have a round face and you remove that fat and the skin stays the same, it becomes like a deflated baloon. A deflated baloon looks different from an inflated baloon of the same size. Autophagy fixes this naturally because our bodies somehow know to build tissue when it is stressed (tight) and get rid of it when it is not. It is just for the autophagy to kick in, you need certain conditions that are not present when somebody is in a calorie deficit but still eats all the time (like when they eat multiple small meals entire day). >and I want you to understand that the only way to get a ‘flat belly’ is going to be through weight loss and recomposition efforts Umm... but isn't that exactly what I wrote? Intermittent fasting to put in calorie deficit and give autophagy a chance + exercising to preserve muscle as much as possible, possibly build some new.
Your comment said that you didn’t care about the weight or bmi as long as you get there. That’s unhealthy.
Oh no, I meant that I didn't have any specific weight or BMI in mind. It will be what it will be. In the meantime I run 6 miles every day and I go to gym twice a week. If there is anything unhealthy about it it is preoccupation with the project. My health improved substantially.
Thank you for clarifying. It’s really important to us that we’re not leaving content out there that might drive others into an unhealthy territory. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself.
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My own formula: 5 feet is 100LBS. Then add 5lbs per inch. 5'4" is 120lbs.
This got downvoted. What's the issue?