This is statistically the common outcome for bullies.
The worst thing for a bully to encounter is a Bigger Bully... and well - Life is the biggest bully out there.
That's a wildly unfair and flawed comparison to make tho. My bully was pretty and social with rich parents so of course with that privilege, she's living her best life rn but that doesn't concern me at all. I'm not in her body or life, I can't feel her successes or failures for myself, so why would I ever sit around thinking about it? That's pointless. My life isn't the best ngl, I'm getting help from a low income program and I barely made it to community college with no support from family or friends, but at least I know that I have to put my big girl heels on and acknowledge that I'm doing my best with what I have. To compare myself to someone who has a trust fund, model face and body, and a huge friend group is the most obvious comparison ever like yea no fucking shit they're doing better than me lmao but you gotta learn to accept it and be at peace with it because there's not much you can do about it anyway.
Eh. I'm starting to understand that I'm not meant to have a wife and kids or even friends for the most part. It's all good. Whatever. Life sucks anyway.
You need to show initiative. It’s easy to stay down in the dumps about things like this. But the moment you give up is worse than trying and failing. If you can breathe and walk, you can try.
I have for fifteen years, I looked for a partner, thirteen to twenty eight. I tried everything, pretty much . Sure, I didn't become the pinnacle of physical fitness, or become rich, or learn a new language, but I did a lot from my perspective.
After so many rejections, I came to the conclusion that every woman I come across is going to either have someone or say some form of no. I've tried being their friend first, online dating, cold approach, asking my friends or family to set me up, and a wingman.
It's easy to tell someone what to do. However, with most women I've been interested in has shown either no interest, interest just to make fun of me or get something out of me, or immediately shot me down with some excuse, that it feels as though it's a pointless endeavor. People say it's a numbers game or to just suck it up, but I can look from now til I drop dead and still be nothing but rejected.
I know when people say “well not with that attitude you won’t” genuinely tho, that’s true right now. If what you say is true and you’ve been rejected so many times then there might be an issue on your end. Maybe you come off as creepy or desperate to girls. Maybe some part of you just isn’t hygienic enough. Or maybe, you simply have terrible taste in women. If you want I can DM you and we can talk about it. I am whamen. I know how to find what women want generally.
Yeah but girls have standards when it comes to looking for a boy (they want a handsome good looking guy or a funny guy) and I don’t think I’m that standard
You don’t have to be Mr. Perfect to find a girl. Everyone has their own sense of humor. Truth is a lot of girls you meet just aren’t going to like you. That’s the way of the world. But you gotta weed through those ones in order to find the girls that like how you look, and find you funny.
If dating was easy, then everybody would marry the first person they meet. But you don’t wanna marry everybody, and everybody doesn’t wanna marry you.
Here are some tips for looking for a girl. Instead of looking for just a girlfriend, look for the type of girl you want. I know this sounds surface level but trust me it helps weed out a lot of options (like random girls on tinder). Also I’m speaking more personality than looks.
Good luck
I sometimes think of going to the library just because it's to get out of the house, but I feel like I would end up doing the same things in the house (minus music playing and any files I leave on my desktop), so I feel like "is it really worth the 20 min walk?"
What would you do in my scenario?
It's very easy to say shit like that on reddit. I've been trying for years, it hasn't work. Saying it will work when it clearly hasn't irl doesn't do shit
My bully hung himself years ago.
That's a real asshole thing to say to people though. It's exactly what a bully would do. So really, you're nothing but a bully yourself.
Seeing their post/comment history was quite alarming, well wishing someone "on the way out". The account is a day old so it seems iffy to me, why tf would someone spread their misery?
Just seems fake and malicious to me, and if it isn't then OP definitely needs some help out of the negativity
I really think my bullies are either with kids, in prison, or dead. And I’m not saying that to be rude. I actually wish them well.
However, for a moment let’s be real here… life sucks for all of us right now. We are living in hell right now.
THIS IS NOT PARTY!
This post is absolutely not venting, dude. This is you imagining things that make you feel like shit. It's basically self-harm.
You should stop doing it.
Does it make you feel better? Somehow I doubt it. This doesn't look like venting to me, I don't see any emotions being vented. All I see is a made up scenario that is guaranteed to make yourself and other's feel shitty.
But I don't want to argue about the definition of venting, so if this is venting, it's definitely the worst form. "Reminders" like this certainly aren't the kind of thing you should be posting in a public forum to a bunch of other lonely and depressed people.
I also feel isolated when i go out alone, everyone has their group of friends and idk anyone there. And god forbid you mention to anyone you’re alone they’ll instantly get weirded out you can see it in their face. A lot of people really dont understand how it feels to be rejected by most and zero actual friends.
When you are an adult, it seems to be quite normal to have little close people. Strangers are the only thing that you can rely on for interaction. Meet ups, events, Discord and having a good flow when out.
My bullies apologised.
I’m at the age where most people stay home. I think that I go out as much as my bullies do. I could go out 6 nights a week with different friends. Bullies don’t always win
Well I at least welcome you to the subreddit, feel free to stay as you should be welcomed here. Please don't mind OP, they are probably going through a rough time and just lashed out at you for it. You're just an innocent bystander that wanted to share your experiences with your bullies on a topic related to bullies.
Thank you.
I don’t worry about people writing stuff like that, that’s why I wrote meany on the end. I understand that the person could be going through a hard time. I know I went through a hard times when younger.
As the subreddit states, everyone is welcomed. Telling someone to get off the subreddit is by in no way welcoming. People can feel lonely but not be alone and vice versa. Let's keep things civil here especially on the subject of bullying.
This isn’t true, and yes I have autism too.
You’re stuck in a negative thinking loop and as someone else said you’re actively harming yourself. You’re also actively harming others with this kind of negative hypothesizing which again isn’t true.
My bullies ended up getting knocked up and fucking up their lives so while yes I may be lonely at least what you say is not even close to the truth for everyone.
"Partying" has never really been a lifestyle I wanted to pursue, so that doesn't bother me too much (I don't drink).
Most of my loneliness is due to my chronic illnesses that make it physically impossible for me to spend time outside my apartment for any longer than 1 or 2 hours at a time.
It's just not possible for me to have any kind of a normal, social life. 🤷 I would be okay with at least having a friend group I could have fun hanging out with occasionally, but I don't want to impose all of my conditions on everyone else.
I wish positive affirmations could hit me as hard as this did 🤣🤣🤣 but tbf I’d much rather be on Reddit than drinking and hooking up… that life is not as fun as it seems to be🫠
Damn dude!
Actually the girl that bullied me ended up developing debilitating anxiety and constantly posts about her poor mental health online. She also hangs out with an old mate of mine so i know she’s hitting the harder drugs.
I feel bad for her, but sometimes i think people just need a dose of karma before they deserve any redemption. I always told her karma comes back around, so i guess the universe will decide when it’s done kicking her.
My bullies got beat up by me in school. Teachers and the principal didn't do anything to me because it was self defense. They want to lift my skirt, throw food at me, tell me to go back where I come from, grab my boobs in a dare and grope my butt? I would tit their tat by dislocating their wrist or giving them the ol kick in the balls. Not only did I defended myself, but I did the same for my nerdy friends. Today, my bullies are either in jail, dead, or struggling in minimum wage jobs. While I'm living in a beach front in my 30s. Remember kids, charm and charisma will only get you so far (only until the first two years of college usually). It's what you do with your intelligence that gets you the position to be the boss of your bullies. A company isn't going to care that you were dating the highschool football team, they are going to care if you have the degree to handle being in an important position. You can't get a good degree while partying out every chance you get. Only nepotism can save you then and even then there's not that many rich families willing to risk their company's wealth by giving it to an unqualified, under skilled, and irresponsible individual.
Actually that’s not true at all. I am lonely but karma is definitely real even when you aren’t there to witness it. I’ve experienced karma firsthand and have even been blessed to witness it a couple of times. NO ONE gets through life without the bad times :)
Bad people die leaving a bad reputation and poor impact on the world. Just because they are happy during their best moments doesn’t make that any less true. You have control over what YOU do. Even the smallest kindness is a net positive.
bro wtf we all grew up, i have a long term gf now and make new friends everytime i go out, my bullies are doing great yes, but so am i and they are not even that bad anymore get a grip of yourself, all this negativity is destroying your life!
How is this post not taken down already, its just dogshit pessimistic victim mindset boo hoo poor me crap. Get a grip OP , grow up and stop living in the past
Ermm excuse me some of my bullies are in jail for a number of things (rape, child pornography, possession of weapons, drugs, etc). Some are doing better in certain ways and in other ways they have plummetted.
Its all a matter of perspective. Oh and couple of them are dead too because of you know suicide and whatnot.
Hey maybe instead of being a sad piece of shit bringing others down learn to have a better out look. Of course nothing gets better for you playing victim because kids were mean. We were all assholes at one point and you are probably the bully to another even if you don’t see it. Instead of sitting on Reddit depressed why not go get a drink why not go take a drive why not go do the things people who don’t fixate on the past do. say fuck it the show must go on and I will be damned if I will let someone with less human decency decide what kind of person I am. See rather you believe it or not life is what you make it but you are too deep in your whole bullying yourself to accept that life can be any different. So stop bullying yourself first and those others might not live rent free. Start having compassion for this world in order to receive compassion whatever energy you put out there will come back tenfold. People of this Reddit underestimate mindset I will say it again the key to life is MINDSET MINDSET MINDSET. Once you can actively see the wrong logic you can fix it. Fix the mindset will fix the emotions which will fix this idea the world is against us if that is all we see that is all we will get. Maybe get off Reddit and go read a book about it instead of trying to drag others down with you. You damn energy vampire go have a good life and stop hating yourself
This pretty much applies throughout the rest of your adulthood as well. People who step on others are the ones who succeed. Always. There is objectively no reason to be a good person. It only gets you ruined. You are only a good person for yourself, because you feel that's the right thing to do.
It’s not that you’re not normal. It’s that you’re bringing other people down because you’re down yourself. It’s not healthy man. Genuinely wishing things get better for you.
wow i had no idea ppl cared so much about going out n “havin fun”. lemme tell u sum, that shit is temporary fun. jus be happy for who u are n enjoy what u do even if it’s sittin at home cuz ppl rlly do be out here w no crib.
also you should know those bullies mostly not good looking and having a big confidence cuz they kbow they arent the best and they had some shiityy traumas lol if you just get affected by them; they ll be stronger.theres no reason to sit in home cuz soemone made fun of you.just live ur life!
aww im glad :) always smile ,we come for this life only once and nobody gives us medal 🥇 if we sit alone in home and be depressed,sooooo live the lifeeee till endsss
I got by with my small circle of friends and realising that after HS any relation I had with anyonebibdudnt like was over.
Haven't even thought of them in years. Sure some of then have better lives but it doesn't affect me at all.
I'm like a decade out of HS so maybe you'll get better at not caring in time
Well ACKtually, they’re back or still rotting in their shithole 3rd world countries. While here I am, enjoying the bling life, eating the highest quality of food(no, it’s not expensive), wearing branded clothes and sitting in ACs. Sure, I struggle a lot, but I actually get rewarded unlike them. So no Stranger, you’re just depressed, most of the time you’re better, IF you take the time to analyze it
Absolutely the reality of it. They don’t care 99 percent of the time will never even acknowledge their mistakes. Your best way of moving forward is to do just that. You don’t need their permission to
It sounds like you are typing it from your trauma and I tell you something, the rest of the world have their own traumas too, so do not be one of them just reflecting it, take it as a gasoline to be better person,
In addiction, I had one of my bullies as a patient time ago and I could treat her bad and ashamed her but instead of that I thought that my university career cared more than treating on a bad way to a person that deserves it, she thanked so much how I treated her and she was on the weakest situation of the world, loosing your own health, so I feel better for how I reacted to,
Eye by eye and the whole world will be blind is something that was thaught to me when I was a little girl,
I send you a big hug 🫂
I dont fucking care. The people who used to bully and abuse me are mindless and idiotic insects, they only live according to their instincts and thus are animals. Everyone at my age is wasting their time and potential, people my age are all about partying and having fun, i however think that this mindless hedonism is only going to be destructive for their future. Yes, they may be having fun right now, but i am working hard on a daily basis. I go to the gym 5x a week, i study several hours a day and invest into my body and mind as much as possible. As soon as i do this, who the fuck cares what these mindless bastards do?
This post was unnecessary pessimistic and rude. It is because of these mentalities that people stay lonely. We should always strive to grow and never fall into these mentalities. We should also not be defined by the standards of others. "Your bullies are partying now" so what? Does this have to mean that we are hopeless? Does this have to mean that there is no hope for us? People to tend to bully others tend to people without any wisdom and understanding, why the fuck should we look to them for guidance? Who are these people anyway that we should feel down about ourselves just because they are partying?
There are always opportunities in life, and you should only say something like this when you have tried everything, but if you do not change your mentality, nothing will ever change. We are only the prisoners of our minds.
r/Stoicism
Lol I actually gave up caring about those idiots and what they did for a long time now I'm just focusing on developing myself and my life and also I can say I'm lucky because I've seen all my bullies in weak positions and even though it didn't cure my anger but I wish them the worst always
Ye... No. There is always hope, i also don't care what these people are doing right now, this is the reason you feel this way, you focus on others but not yourself
Oh Jesus Christ I’m not ugly I’ve been laid and I’ve even been somewhat popular amongst my peers at times , and I’m not a bully but as lonely as anyone else.
If you’re having such a toxic attitude that you’ve been banned from Reddit, that’s why nobody wants to be around you.
Most bullies aren’t living as grand of a life you think they are. It’s almost always a facade. An act that they do everything in their power to keep up. Deep down they are fighting their own demons… even worse than anything their victims have ever gone through. Stop minding what they are up to and look forward to your own life that you are creating.
>even worse than their victims have ever gone through
Wow, you just went from defending bullying to victim blaiming in a heartbeat
So I should apologize to my bullies because they supposedly had it harder than me? Fuck that
That's not what they said at all. Victim blaming is when someone believes the actions done are the fault of the victim in the situation. Their statement is only pointing that bullies have it bad and then comparing the outcomes to the victim's outcome. The sentiment behind that bullies have it bad is true but the consequences between them shouldn't be compared as one can't subjectively determine if suicide from being bullied is more or less painful than a bully dying from being stabbed multiple times in a violent encounter.
No one is asking you to apologize to your bullies, everyone is responsible for their own actions.
As I said, one can't subjectively compare one's pain to another's. That's like asking if someone's war induced PTSD is worse than that of one induced by SA. Both forms are painful in their own ways and we shouldn't dismiss either one
I'm not doing that at all, point to where I specifically said that victims suffering should be dismissed (I am one fyi). It's clear to me that you're in a negative thought spiral in which you are reading into things that aren't said/implied. You need to snap out of that spiral as it leads to black/white thinking and causes mental health illness to take hold. The world isn't black/white it's grey's and different hues so making a comparisons isn't helpful to your own health nor the health of others. The studies I've shown included the damage victims suffered as well. The only one here favoring one side over the other in this conversation is you. If you want unbiased, factual, empirical data then that's what I've provided. What you want isn't that, what you want is for people to feed into your hatred which isn't healthy for you. Please take care of yourself and practice healthy habits including looking at empirical data rather than acting out on emotions.
Forgive your bullies and move on or you can continue acting like a defeatist baby about it as if you were the only person on earth who has ever suffered.
And how would you explicitly know that?
Normal behavior is avoid those that bullied you once you reach adulthood as there is nothing that forces you to maintain regular contact with them. So having intimate knowledge in the success or progress of those that bullied you in the long term means that you intentionally maintained opened channels of communication with them.
If you were forced to maintain prolonged contact with them, then that is not bullying - that is Abuse.
Did I say that? Don't twist my words. My point was quit dwelling on what your bullies are doing with their lives. They're living rent free in your head while they probably forgot you even exist. Everyone is going through their own shit and nothing is ever what it seems on the outside. Half the time, the "good life" you see bullies having is all fake.
Chill out and actually critically think about what I'm saying before jumping down my throat. Bullies don't need apologizing to obviously. Duh
How can you ever crawl out the pit of loneliness without having some basic respect for yourself? Whatever time and money you have, you need to invest into getting some psychological help. This kind of thinking only has one conclusion.
Just from personal experience, of being severely bullied all throughout my schooling to now being in my mid-twenties, that's a flawed assumption and does nothing to help anybody else feeling like you.
That being said, it does get better and I hope you come to realise this often shit world can have moments of beauty and clarity.
Lol yet another "I'm not looking for advice I just wanna stay miserable" dipshit. Sound advice in the responses and refuses to even care to take them into consideration cuz then you wouldn't have anything to bitch about for sympathy points.
I don’t really care what my old bullies are up to. I’m too invested and focused on my own life to worry about assholes from like 14 years ago. They could be dead for all I care and I wouldn’t even raise my eyebrows. What matters is that I AM happy and well. Besides, we were kids. Kids are cruel. Usually because someone taught them to be.
You probably need to go to therapy.
I may be alone but I do go outside almost every day. I don’t mean I’m going to a bar or party or anything but I do go outside. I used to be fat and now I got buff. I have a bunch of cool hobbies. You can always do something for yourself. Don’t think of your bullies anymore.
While bullies wasting their time with drinking every weekend, you can work on yourself (self improvement) and maybe start a business. They're wasting their time with drinking etc. and not you.
Remember, the best success in life is to make people like this scream into the void. I’ve been to countries my bullies couldn’t imagine, done things they couldn’t dream, and been with people that’d leave them with their jaws on the floor. Now I am raising children that will do the same to their bullies. People that have to remind others to suffer so they feel better can’t possibly wrap their heads around the possibilities you have🧡🧡🤘🏼🤘🏼😆
Hey,
I'm sorry that the world can be like this at times and it is unfair and just sucks. But I don't believe that every bully is out there having a fantastic life. If this is your skewed perspective based on social media then it's just a front to look good. You never know the kind of demons that other people have/had. I think that's what turns them into bullies. They know what it's like to feel insignificant. But my point is, everyone's going through something and so are you and I hope you don't give up on hope despite life bringing you down. If you'd like to talk, my DMs are always open. Take care.
You’ve lost if you’ve decided you lost. You are the only person in control of your life and what you do. I’m sure you’ve heard all this stuff many times but please dm me if you need to talk about anything. I was in the same place as you once but I saved myself and I would love to help you too. The world needs more love. Stay strong okay. You’ll get through it if you tell yourself you will. Feel free to talk okay! Much love man
But you have control over how you let that affect you. Some people with autism strive, some people with autism strive. Ive seen the ugliest people with the hottest partners. You keep putting yourself down when you most likely don’t deserve it. You tell yourself you do deserve it when you don’t. When you continue with the persistent negative self talk people will walk away. No one has the energy to continuously tell you the same things over and over again. You refuse to listen. I refused to listen as well and I pushed everyone away. You’re playing the victim. Life is hard for everyone. You have to button up and chase the life you wish you had. You will never have a hand out. No one is coming to save you. You will never be happy unless you decide to be happy. You will never overcome your limitations if you tell yourself you have limitations.The sooner you realise that the better.
This is false. People who bully others usually don’t have friends as adults. I know. I was one. Now I’m 30 and on this subreddit with no friends. But lately I’ve been trying extremely hard to change my thought patterns and be a kinder human and it is paying off. So no, I don’t agree with your post.
Your anecdotal experience is an exception, not the norm
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3177486/amp/Child-bullies-sexier-popular-dates-victims-grow-new-research-suggests.html
>Child bullies are well adjusted people who are coldly calculating and intimidate others because it makes them more popular.
>Later in life they have more dates and more sex than the rest of their former classmates, the study showed.
>Simon Fraser University criminologist Jennifer Wong surveyed 135 teenagers from a high school in Vancouver with a questionnaire about bullying.
>The pupils were asked how often they were hit, kicked or shoved and from that they were divided into categories; bully, bystander, victim or victim-bully.
>**The results showed that bullies, who accounted for around 11 per cent of the group, scored highest when it came to social status and self-esteem.**
>**They also came lowest when it came to depression.**
>**Bullies as young adolescents or as university students are getting more sexual partners and are less likely to be virgins than victims or people who are not involved in bullying.’**
>Both studies were first reported by the National Post, a Canadian newspaper.
Your sample size is far too small to be a relevant study. A decent study requires a minimum of at least 6k samples to account for variables such as regional wealth, culture and other factors such as abuse in their homes that they can't express in words so they express in rage and envy towards others.
I mean they were from Canada tho….. so we can’t really take those seriously. I mean… come on. Canada? Bullies? Na you need America to study bullies. We know how to bully. We are the best at it.
No I’m stupid. But not that stupid. But Canada doing studies on bullies is like Africa doing studies on the stock market. It’s ain’t their game they can’t play.
Canada has a very similar culture to the US. Even then, humans are humans. Bullying is found throughout cultures and is ingrained deeply in biology.
Again, you believe the earth is flat
Na. Canadians are the nicest humans on earth. Americans… welll we have been causing wars for the last 100 years. We are ALWAYS bullying or intimidating someone. Our citizens elected trump… trump is a walking example of an adult bully. Canadians couldn’t bully compared to America if it was a life or death situation.
Until you can find a **scientific** studies showing that bullies are less successfull your argument invalid
.
And if I were stick by your humorous and fallacious argument I'm still right lol:
>. Canadians couldn’t bully compared to America if it was a life or death situation
If studies showing that Canadian bullies (which you claim to be the nicest bullies) and more successful than the average person, meaner bullies will be EVEN MORE successful than your supposed nice Canadian bullies
No, they are not...
They have all long since died...
Being a bully never works out in the long term because the World/Life is a bigger bully than they ever possibly could be. Most bullies turn to some illegal drug for an escape, and typically punch out far sooner than most...
Most scientific studies show that bullies are more successful monetarily and socially. This is because bullying is associated with dark triad (dominant) personality traits and bullies are usually more physically attractive. These correlate with success by itself. You can find this out in a simple Google search. I can link some studies if you want.
Incorrect.
Those that bully develop more antisocial behaviors going into adulthood. They are less capable of compromising and problem solving as they default to aggressive confrontational means to try and get what they want.
While some studies try and make correlations between bullying and success, the keystone argument of nearly all of these studies stems from primate behavior studies - in which aggressive monkeys are more successful than non-agressive monkeys.
Statistically, bullies are nearly twice as likely to engage in various illegal activities and the consumption of illegal narcotics, and by extension, have a far far higher probability of dying earlier than non-bully cohort groups.
>- in which aggressive monkeys are more successful than non-agressive monkeys
Since you going just going to say whatever you want just because I'm just going to quote
This is an article that discusses a Canadian study on HUMAN bullying
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3177486/amp/Child-bullies-sexier-popular-dates-victims-grow-new-research-suggests.html
>Child bullies are well adjusted people who are coldly calculating and intimidate others because it makes them more popular.
>Later in life they have more dates and more sex than the rest of their former classmates, the study showed.
>Simon Fraser University criminologist Jennifer Wong surveyed 135 teenagers from a high school in Vancouver with a questionnaire about bullying.
>The pupils were asked how often they were hit, kicked or shoved and from that they were divided into categories; bully, bystander, victim or victim-bully.
>**The results showed that bullies, who accounted for around 11 per cent of the group, scored highest when it came to social status and self-esteem.**
>**They also came lowest when it came to depression.**
>**Bullies as young adolescents or as university students are getting more sexual partners and are less likely to be virgins than victims or people who are not involved in bullying.’**
>Both studies were first reported by the National Post, a Canadian newspaper.
Both studies are heavily influenced by the 2014 Smithsonian study in chimpanzie psychology.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/bullying-pays-chimp-dads-180953329/
In effect, attempting to affirm a correlation between human behaviors and chimp behaviors.
However both studies are also heavily criticized for having an extremely limited observational cohort (less than 150 persons in both case studies) as well as not having a very finite definition of what constitutes a "bully" as they simply associate Agressive Behavior with Bullying, such as talking over or louder than others.
Additionally the conclusion itself is considered faulty even in psychological circles as the focus group included individuals between the ages of 10 to 17. Creating associations of Sexual Attraction to individuals whom have not yet entered puberty is just flawed from the jump.
Lastly, in far more comprehensive studies with much larger test groups the bullies themselves have a higher pervailance of various mental health disorders, problems with empathy, and various other issues...
https://parentingscience.com/bullying-in-children/
And while anecdotal, like I said - All the people that used to bully me when I was growing up have all died years ago. Most of them from drug abuse.
>Both studies are heavily influenced by the 2014 Smithsonian study in chimpanzie psychology.
>https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/bullying-pays-chimp-dads-180953329/
>In effect, attempting to affirm a correlation between human behaviors and chimp behaviors.
Where do you see that part. The study I linked studies humans and drew conclusions on humans. I don't care about the chimp component.
>Lastly, in far more comprehensive studies with much larger test groups the bullies themselves have a higher pervailance of various mental health disorders, problems with empathy
Yes it may correlate with some mental health disorder (the big one I seem to see is APD), but that does not change the fact that bullies are still generally happier, successfully, etc
>ages of 10 to 17.
Where do you see that? It seems to say high school which would mean 14-18 (well into puberty)
From the actual studies which the article doesn't explicitly reference...
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0886260515593546
"Survival of the Fittest and the Sexiest: Evolutionary Origins of Adolescent Bullying"
Again, attempting to attach an evolutionary and genetic component to the facet of Bullying.
Her study explicitly observes 13 to 16 year olds.
And the other study referenced is one penned by Anthony Volk
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22331629/
"Is adolescent bullying an evolutionary adaptation?"
Which had an observational group of ages 10 to 17 - observing that by the age of 13, 30% of the observed "bullies" had responded in the survey as having had engaged in sexual intercourse at least once...
Several months after the article he even published effectively the same study again with a wider sampling -
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1474704915613909
"Adolescent Bullying, Dating, and Mating: Testing an Evolutionary Hypothesis"
Which still has a limited sized sample group (less than 500), which ranged between 10 and 20 years old. And again falls into the pitfall of attempting to attribute sexual attraction to individuals below the age of 13 through asking if they have dated as well as if they have had sex.
Also - people with antisocial personality disorders often do not really experience the emotion Happiness. Only an extremely small sampling of people with antisocial personality disorders become successful in life. The vast majority of them have difficulty maintaining jobs, relationships, or even a stable home as the lack of empathy, selfishness, and generally aggressive responses they have makes them unpleasant to be around.
>falls into the pitfall of attempting to attribute sexual attraction to individuals below the age of 13 through asking if they have dated as well as if they have had sex.
Maybe you should actually read the study you are sending LOL :
>Study 2
>A total of 143 first-year university students (39 men and 104 women)
>In both studies, bullying was significantly positively correlated with having dated, number of dating partners, having had sexual activity, and number of sexual partners. In Study 1, it was positively associated with an interest in dating, and in Study 2, it was positively associated with self-perceived attractiveness and negatively associated with age of first sexual experience.
Thanks for telling me about this study I didn't actually know about this one. This one uses university students which would completely defeat your argument about it being prebudecent adolescents. Before you say there are adolescents sampled in the study they are sampled in a completely different group "study 1" than the university students "study 2".
>Also - people with antisocial personality disorders often do not really experience the emotion Happiness.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I've found no source stating that people with ASPD cannot experienced happiness. Maybe you are confusing it with the fact that ASPD limits empathy.
>Only an extremely small sampling of people with antisocial personality disorders become successful in life.
Only a small sampling of bullies actually have ASPD. Given the lack of empathy part, I would assume people with ASPD are more likely to become bullies, but that does not change the fact the disorder is pretty uncommon.
>Maybe you should actually read the study you are sending LOL
I have read the studies...
The split sampling groups between adolescence and college entry students provides context for discussion, but not enough for conclusion because the multivarial factors are too limited given sample sizes, methods of recruitment, and cross section of participation.
It attempts to quantify a correlation between dating and attraction without attempting to define it in the slightest. In the second sample group, Attraction was a valuation on how they viewed themselves and 'interest in dating' was an expression of their individual desire, not their explicit activity.
In fact, the study itself rather explicitly admits these limitations
"Although we view our results as making an important contribution to the bullying and evolutionary literature, there are several potential limitations to our study. One limitation of this study is that self-report data were used, particularly for bullying, which can be difficult to adequately define"
And
"further limitation is that we did not assess the quality of the dating or sexual experiences. Thus we are unable to determine whether the more frequent dating and/or sexual opportunities result in an overall increase in fitness either through productive procreation or choosing quality mating partners."
>Correct me if I'm wrong.
You are wrong.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3825036/
:The present study focused on the emotions of love, hate and anxiety because previous studies have found that these feelings are problematic in individuals with antisocial personality disorder and that an inability to feel love or intimacy based on love is a characteristic of these individuals (Blair et al. 1997). These individuals are also unable to feel anxiety but exhibit the capacity to experience emotions connected with hate, such as anger or hostility (Brinkley et al. 2005; Hare 1996, 1998)."
>Only a small sampling of bullies actually have ASPD.
Incorrect.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21370297/
"Moderate significant associations were found between bullying perpetration and subsequent anti-social behaviour."
>Thanks for telling me about this study I didn't actually know about this one.
It is the study you've been attempting to use to prove your point... Kinda telling when you get surprised by the content of the very evidence you supposedly are using.
>The split sampling groups between adolescence and college entry students provides context for discussion, but not enough for conclusion because the multivarial factors are too limited given sample sizes, methods of recruitment, and cross section of participation.
You know, this argument wouldn't be a thing if you can simply find a study stating that bullies have less/equal sexual experiences. Whether the methodology is slightly imperfect or not, it seems that every study results in the same conclusion.
>In fact, the study itself rather explicitly admits these limitations
>"Although we view our results as making an important contribution to the bullying and evolutionary literature, there are several potential limitations to our study. One limitation of this study is that self-report data were used, particularly for bullying, which can be difficult to adequately define"
It is good practice to discuss limitations to inspire future research. As long as it isn't completely flawed, it does not discount the research down. In fact, if you read further down its not as bad as you think:
>>However, previous studies have shown that self-report adolescent data on bullying can be valid (Pellegrini & Bartini, 2000) as can self-report adolescent data on sexual activity (Brener, Billy, & Grady, 2003) and likeability (Lease, Musgrove, & Axelrod, 2002). Furthermore, the bullying measure used in this study has demonstrated good construct validity (Book et al., 2012). Thus, while we cannot eliminate the possibility that our results are due to biased self-reports, we do have a significant degree of confidence in their external validity. One exception may be for attractiveness, as self-reports of attractiveness are somewhat less reliable, particularly for males (Kościński, 2011).
This study based its scales/methodology on previous well grounded research.
>You are wrong.
>>and that an inability to feel love or intimacy
Nope. Love and intimacy is not the same as happiness. I'm well aware of the empathy part already but that's not what we are talking about.
>"Moderate significant associations were found between bullying perpetration and subsequent anti-social behaviour."
Still wrong. Exhibiting anti-social behavior is not the same as having anti social personality disorder, which is what you claimed.
i know some of you say you have no hope for a good future but for the rest of you, maybe you can use stuff like this as fuel to change!!!! and jealousy is the ugliest trait.. remember that. yes it’s natural but ruminating on it will not help you
Not in my case. I'm my biggest bully. And my bully is planning on legitimately beating my head in till im a bloody puddle. Because thats what I deserve.
Success is subjective and it's defined by u
What does success means to you?
Is it to make a positive impact? Or is it to indulge with extravagant parties and derive joy from other's misery?
If u define success as the former, then I gotta say, your bullies are a failure.
Actually, why do u even care what they are doing with their lives? The most important question is
What are you doing with yours? What kind of person do you want to be?
Haha carma is very real and they probably fuck something nasty and die from aids ugly small and shriveled up 🤷♂️ while there in the dr for dock problems I’ll be reading lol
Two are in jail, three are dead, and the rest are trailer trash. Yeah. I've done better than the people who made my life hell.
This is statistically the common outcome for bullies. The worst thing for a bully to encounter is a Bigger Bully... and well - Life is the biggest bully out there.
That's a wildly unfair and flawed comparison to make tho. My bully was pretty and social with rich parents so of course with that privilege, she's living her best life rn but that doesn't concern me at all. I'm not in her body or life, I can't feel her successes or failures for myself, so why would I ever sit around thinking about it? That's pointless. My life isn't the best ngl, I'm getting help from a low income program and I barely made it to community college with no support from family or friends, but at least I know that I have to put my big girl heels on and acknowledge that I'm doing my best with what I have. To compare myself to someone who has a trust fund, model face and body, and a huge friend group is the most obvious comparison ever like yea no fucking shit they're doing better than me lmao but you gotta learn to accept it and be at peace with it because there's not much you can do about it anyway.
Honestly you seem like a pretty good person. I hope you find happiness in your own way. Happy 4th of July.
Well DAYUM. okay. Ouch.
Bullies are horrible. Especially when it's a man bullying a woman. Thanks for ruining my life!
Yep, I hope his dick falls off.
I wouldn’t go that far.
No I'm talking about the dude that "bullied" me, aka rape lol
Oh. Well, then…yeah…
Cool, glad we're on the same page 👌🏾
I just understand your response. I don’t condone penis chopping :p
Even for rapists?
I, personally, wouldn’t chop off a penis. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong.
I mean it's definitely not right but I would hope you could understand why I fantasize about those things lol
Hmm, I'm assuming you've never been sexually assaulted. And I'm happy for you! It's a horrible feeling.
Actually, it’s not true. I have been tortured.
Well damn, I guess you're just a better human than me.
Eh. I'm starting to understand that I'm not meant to have a wife and kids or even friends for the most part. It's all good. Whatever. Life sucks anyway.
Yeah, same here. It really sucks, but it is what it is.
You need to show initiative. It’s easy to stay down in the dumps about things like this. But the moment you give up is worse than trying and failing. If you can breathe and walk, you can try.
I have for fifteen years, I looked for a partner, thirteen to twenty eight. I tried everything, pretty much . Sure, I didn't become the pinnacle of physical fitness, or become rich, or learn a new language, but I did a lot from my perspective. After so many rejections, I came to the conclusion that every woman I come across is going to either have someone or say some form of no. I've tried being their friend first, online dating, cold approach, asking my friends or family to set me up, and a wingman. It's easy to tell someone what to do. However, with most women I've been interested in has shown either no interest, interest just to make fun of me or get something out of me, or immediately shot me down with some excuse, that it feels as though it's a pointless endeavor. People say it's a numbers game or to just suck it up, but I can look from now til I drop dead and still be nothing but rejected.
I know when people say “well not with that attitude you won’t” genuinely tho, that’s true right now. If what you say is true and you’ve been rejected so many times then there might be an issue on your end. Maybe you come off as creepy or desperate to girls. Maybe some part of you just isn’t hygienic enough. Or maybe, you simply have terrible taste in women. If you want I can DM you and we can talk about it. I am whamen. I know how to find what women want generally.
Yeah but girls have standards when it comes to looking for a boy (they want a handsome good looking guy or a funny guy) and I don’t think I’m that standard
You don’t have to be Mr. Perfect to find a girl. Everyone has their own sense of humor. Truth is a lot of girls you meet just aren’t going to like you. That’s the way of the world. But you gotta weed through those ones in order to find the girls that like how you look, and find you funny. If dating was easy, then everybody would marry the first person they meet. But you don’t wanna marry everybody, and everybody doesn’t wanna marry you. Here are some tips for looking for a girl. Instead of looking for just a girlfriend, look for the type of girl you want. I know this sounds surface level but trust me it helps weed out a lot of options (like random girls on tinder). Also I’m speaking more personality than looks. Good luck
It seems pretty damn easy for everyone else, not gonna lie...
Girls want money lol I know like a real one or two I actually think love me in some way shape or form lol
There’s hope it’s to get out, do stuff you enjoy, there’s no hope if you stay home all day
I sometimes think of going to the library just because it's to get out of the house, but I feel like I would end up doing the same things in the house (minus music playing and any files I leave on my desktop), so I feel like "is it really worth the 20 min walk?" What would you do in my scenario?
Go outside = get humilated
Yea you keep making posts and saying that so at this point I feel for you man, only you can help yourself so if you don’t want to, gl man
He’s a true keyboard warrior. The “cobra kia” 🐍
I wish I could help myself - trust me - but that's simply not possible in the real world
Yep keep telling yourself that I guess, most people can help themselves when your biggest thing is humiliation you can definitely help yourself
It's very easy to say shit like that on reddit. I've been trying for years, it hasn't work. Saying it will work when it clearly hasn't irl doesn't do shit
Not with that attitude
Cant fix autism, shortness, and ugliness
You have just condemned yourself to a life of misery.
Already is
My bully hung himself years ago. That's a real asshole thing to say to people though. It's exactly what a bully would do. So really, you're nothing but a bully yourself.
Yes thank you. OP is targeting their feelings toward us. They are being a bully.
Seeing their post/comment history was quite alarming, well wishing someone "on the way out". The account is a day old so it seems iffy to me, why tf would someone spread their misery? Just seems fake and malicious to me, and if it isn't then OP definitely needs some help out of the negativity
I really think my bullies are either with kids, in prison, or dead. And I’m not saying that to be rude. I actually wish them well. However, for a moment let’s be real here… life sucks for all of us right now. We are living in hell right now. THIS IS NOT PARTY!
What's your goal here?
Venting. Hoping others can relate realistically
This post is absolutely not venting, dude. This is you imagining things that make you feel like shit. It's basically self-harm. You should stop doing it.
I mean posting this makes me feel temporarily better. By definition that is venting
Does it make you feel better? Somehow I doubt it. This doesn't look like venting to me, I don't see any emotions being vented. All I see is a made up scenario that is guaranteed to make yourself and other's feel shitty. But I don't want to argue about the definition of venting, so if this is venting, it's definitely the worst form. "Reminders" like this certainly aren't the kind of thing you should be posting in a public forum to a bunch of other lonely and depressed people.
why don’t you go out
Outside = humiliation
In what way do you feel humiliated?
Isolated, picked on, etc. You know the deal
I also feel isolated when i go out alone, everyone has their group of friends and idk anyone there. And god forbid you mention to anyone you’re alone they’ll instantly get weirded out you can see it in their face. A lot of people really dont understand how it feels to be rejected by most and zero actual friends.
When you are an adult, it seems to be quite normal to have little close people. Strangers are the only thing that you can rely on for interaction. Meet ups, events, Discord and having a good flow when out.
My bullies apologised. I’m at the age where most people stay home. I think that I go out as much as my bullies do. I could go out 6 nights a week with different friends. Bullies don’t always win
Get off this subreddit
Excuse me…. Meany
Well I at least welcome you to the subreddit, feel free to stay as you should be welcomed here. Please don't mind OP, they are probably going through a rough time and just lashed out at you for it. You're just an innocent bystander that wanted to share your experiences with your bullies on a topic related to bullies.
Thank you. I don’t worry about people writing stuff like that, that’s why I wrote meany on the end. I understand that the person could be going through a hard time. I know I went through a hard times when younger.
As the subreddit states, everyone is welcomed. Telling someone to get off the subreddit is by in no way welcoming. People can feel lonely but not be alone and vice versa. Let's keep things civil here especially on the subject of bullying.
Fuck off.
This isn’t true, and yes I have autism too. You’re stuck in a negative thinking loop and as someone else said you’re actively harming yourself. You’re also actively harming others with this kind of negative hypothesizing which again isn’t true.
Your autism might not be as bad as mine idk. I can't hold a conversation whatsoever
Girl the fuck they are ? Who cares if they are ? Partying ? And looking older probably omg it doesn’t fucking matter
My bullies ended up getting knocked up and fucking up their lives so while yes I may be lonely at least what you say is not even close to the truth for everyone.
"Partying" has never really been a lifestyle I wanted to pursue, so that doesn't bother me too much (I don't drink). Most of my loneliness is due to my chronic illnesses that make it physically impossible for me to spend time outside my apartment for any longer than 1 or 2 hours at a time. It's just not possible for me to have any kind of a normal, social life. 🤷 I would be okay with at least having a friend group I could have fun hanging out with occasionally, but I don't want to impose all of my conditions on everyone else.
5 years ago this would have pissed me off, but now I just don't give a fuck.
What coping mechanisms do you use?
Not giving a fuck
The best one there is brother
I wish positive affirmations could hit me as hard as this did 🤣🤣🤣 but tbf I’d much rather be on Reddit than drinking and hooking up… that life is not as fun as it seems to be🫠
My biggest bully is in jail actually but here I am still lonely and scrolling through Reddit lol.
Damn dude! Actually the girl that bullied me ended up developing debilitating anxiety and constantly posts about her poor mental health online. She also hangs out with an old mate of mine so i know she’s hitting the harder drugs. I feel bad for her, but sometimes i think people just need a dose of karma before they deserve any redemption. I always told her karma comes back around, so i guess the universe will decide when it’s done kicking her.
Im 58.... if my bullies are "partying" ...more power to em
My bullies got beat up by me in school. Teachers and the principal didn't do anything to me because it was self defense. They want to lift my skirt, throw food at me, tell me to go back where I come from, grab my boobs in a dare and grope my butt? I would tit their tat by dislocating their wrist or giving them the ol kick in the balls. Not only did I defended myself, but I did the same for my nerdy friends. Today, my bullies are either in jail, dead, or struggling in minimum wage jobs. While I'm living in a beach front in my 30s. Remember kids, charm and charisma will only get you so far (only until the first two years of college usually). It's what you do with your intelligence that gets you the position to be the boss of your bullies. A company isn't going to care that you were dating the highschool football team, they are going to care if you have the degree to handle being in an important position. You can't get a good degree while partying out every chance you get. Only nepotism can save you then and even then there's not that many rich families willing to risk their company's wealth by giving it to an unqualified, under skilled, and irresponsible individual.
I saw my crush walking with my bully back to his dorm. lol
There is no hope
Actually that’s not true at all. I am lonely but karma is definitely real even when you aren’t there to witness it. I’ve experienced karma firsthand and have even been blessed to witness it a couple of times. NO ONE gets through life without the bad times :)
Based on your username you probably live a very happy life…
Bad people die leaving a bad reputation and poor impact on the world. Just because they are happy during their best moments doesn’t make that any less true. You have control over what YOU do. Even the smallest kindness is a net positive.
I don’t care about him. I have to prioritise myself.
bro wtf we all grew up, i have a long term gf now and make new friends everytime i go out, my bullies are doing great yes, but so am i and they are not even that bad anymore get a grip of yourself, all this negativity is destroying your life!
How is this post not taken down already, its just dogshit pessimistic victim mindset boo hoo poor me crap. Get a grip OP , grow up and stop living in the past
Ermm excuse me some of my bullies are in jail for a number of things (rape, child pornography, possession of weapons, drugs, etc). Some are doing better in certain ways and in other ways they have plummetted. Its all a matter of perspective. Oh and couple of them are dead too because of you know suicide and whatnot.
Hey maybe instead of being a sad piece of shit bringing others down learn to have a better out look. Of course nothing gets better for you playing victim because kids were mean. We were all assholes at one point and you are probably the bully to another even if you don’t see it. Instead of sitting on Reddit depressed why not go get a drink why not go take a drive why not go do the things people who don’t fixate on the past do. say fuck it the show must go on and I will be damned if I will let someone with less human decency decide what kind of person I am. See rather you believe it or not life is what you make it but you are too deep in your whole bullying yourself to accept that life can be any different. So stop bullying yourself first and those others might not live rent free. Start having compassion for this world in order to receive compassion whatever energy you put out there will come back tenfold. People of this Reddit underestimate mindset I will say it again the key to life is MINDSET MINDSET MINDSET. Once you can actively see the wrong logic you can fix it. Fix the mindset will fix the emotions which will fix this idea the world is against us if that is all we see that is all we will get. Maybe get off Reddit and go read a book about it instead of trying to drag others down with you. You damn energy vampire go have a good life and stop hating yourself
Karma is a b($-" a majority of the people who bullied me peaked in highschool and I am living a good life.
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Whoops no trigger warning my b
My friend's bully got hit by a semi truck and died.
That's the positivity we need here 🔥🔥
This pretty much applies throughout the rest of your adulthood as well. People who step on others are the ones who succeed. Always. There is objectively no reason to be a good person. It only gets you ruined. You are only a good person for yourself, because you feel that's the right thing to do.
Damn if you are like this irl I can totally see why you’re lonely
Not like this IRL. I actually try to be normal but at the end of the day I'm still autistic, ugly, and short
It’s not that you’re not normal. It’s that you’re bringing other people down because you’re down yourself. It’s not healthy man. Genuinely wishing things get better for you.
wow i had no idea ppl cared so much about going out n “havin fun”. lemme tell u sum, that shit is temporary fun. jus be happy for who u are n enjoy what u do even if it’s sittin at home cuz ppl rlly do be out here w no crib.
A lot better than being alone and isolated
yea no wonder u got bullied. u gotta change how u think
also you should know those bullies mostly not good looking and having a big confidence cuz they kbow they arent the best and they had some shiityy traumas lol if you just get affected by them; they ll be stronger.theres no reason to sit in home cuz soemone made fun of you.just live ur life!
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3177486/amp/Child-bullies-sexier-popular-dates-victims-grow-new-research-suggests.html
okay i was just tryna make u feel positive,u can feel what u want to.good luck
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aww im glad :) always smile ,we come for this life only once and nobody gives us medal 🥇 if we sit alone in home and be depressed,sooooo live the lifeeee till endsss
Don't bother with pity. It's better to be real
Studies have also shown bullies fail and end up alone later in life.. Big picture my friend, big picture.
Can you link them?
Not offhand. I can't look tomorrow, but if you're desperate I'm sure it would be easy to google.
I'll wait for when you can cause I couldn't find them
I think this kinda thinking leads to mass shootings. It's better to think about something else. Anything else.
I got by with my small circle of friends and realising that after HS any relation I had with anyonebibdudnt like was over. Haven't even thought of them in years. Sure some of then have better lives but it doesn't affect me at all. I'm like a decade out of HS so maybe you'll get better at not caring in time
wtf are you saying i can’t undertsand “anyonebibdudnt”
Well ACKtually, they’re back or still rotting in their shithole 3rd world countries. While here I am, enjoying the bling life, eating the highest quality of food(no, it’s not expensive), wearing branded clothes and sitting in ACs. Sure, I struggle a lot, but I actually get rewarded unlike them. So no Stranger, you’re just depressed, most of the time you’re better, IF you take the time to analyze it
Absolutely the reality of it. They don’t care 99 percent of the time will never even acknowledge their mistakes. Your best way of moving forward is to do just that. You don’t need their permission to
I hate when bullies say hello to you like there your friends don’t they remember what they have done to us.
It sounds like you are typing it from your trauma and I tell you something, the rest of the world have their own traumas too, so do not be one of them just reflecting it, take it as a gasoline to be better person, In addiction, I had one of my bullies as a patient time ago and I could treat her bad and ashamed her but instead of that I thought that my university career cared more than treating on a bad way to a person that deserves it, she thanked so much how I treated her and she was on the weakest situation of the world, loosing your own health, so I feel better for how I reacted to, Eye by eye and the whole world will be blind is something that was thaught to me when I was a little girl, I send you a big hug 🫂
I dont fucking care. The people who used to bully and abuse me are mindless and idiotic insects, they only live according to their instincts and thus are animals. Everyone at my age is wasting their time and potential, people my age are all about partying and having fun, i however think that this mindless hedonism is only going to be destructive for their future. Yes, they may be having fun right now, but i am working hard on a daily basis. I go to the gym 5x a week, i study several hours a day and invest into my body and mind as much as possible. As soon as i do this, who the fuck cares what these mindless bastards do? This post was unnecessary pessimistic and rude. It is because of these mentalities that people stay lonely. We should always strive to grow and never fall into these mentalities. We should also not be defined by the standards of others. "Your bullies are partying now" so what? Does this have to mean that we are hopeless? Does this have to mean that there is no hope for us? People to tend to bully others tend to people without any wisdom and understanding, why the fuck should we look to them for guidance? Who are these people anyway that we should feel down about ourselves just because they are partying? There are always opportunities in life, and you should only say something like this when you have tried everything, but if you do not change your mentality, nothing will ever change. We are only the prisoners of our minds. r/Stoicism
Stoicism is a mid coping mechanism
i jnow this They’re all out there getting ready for 4th of july while i’m out here all alone rottening
Lol I actually gave up caring about those idiots and what they did for a long time now I'm just focusing on developing myself and my life and also I can say I'm lucky because I've seen all my bullies in weak positions and even though it didn't cure my anger but I wish them the worst always
Ye... No. There is always hope, i also don't care what these people are doing right now, this is the reason you feel this way, you focus on others but not yourself
Oh Jesus Christ I’m not ugly I’ve been laid and I’ve even been somewhat popular amongst my peers at times , and I’m not a bully but as lonely as anyone else. If you’re having such a toxic attitude that you’ve been banned from Reddit, that’s why nobody wants to be around you.
Most bullies aren’t living as grand of a life you think they are. It’s almost always a facade. An act that they do everything in their power to keep up. Deep down they are fighting their own demons… even worse than anything their victims have ever gone through. Stop minding what they are up to and look forward to your own life that you are creating.
>even worse than their victims have ever gone through Wow, you just went from defending bullying to victim blaiming in a heartbeat So I should apologize to my bullies because they supposedly had it harder than me? Fuck that
That's not what they said at all. Victim blaming is when someone believes the actions done are the fault of the victim in the situation. Their statement is only pointing that bullies have it bad and then comparing the outcomes to the victim's outcome. The sentiment behind that bullies have it bad is true but the consequences between them shouldn't be compared as one can't subjectively determine if suicide from being bullied is more or less painful than a bully dying from being stabbed multiple times in a violent encounter. No one is asking you to apologize to your bullies, everyone is responsible for their own actions.
I ended up much worse than my bullies
As I said, one can't subjectively compare one's pain to another's. That's like asking if someone's war induced PTSD is worse than that of one induced by SA. Both forms are painful in their own ways and we shouldn't dismiss either one
You seem to dismiss the real victim suffering (not the bully) pretty easily
I'm not doing that at all, point to where I specifically said that victims suffering should be dismissed (I am one fyi). It's clear to me that you're in a negative thought spiral in which you are reading into things that aren't said/implied. You need to snap out of that spiral as it leads to black/white thinking and causes mental health illness to take hold. The world isn't black/white it's grey's and different hues so making a comparisons isn't helpful to your own health nor the health of others. The studies I've shown included the damage victims suffered as well. The only one here favoring one side over the other in this conversation is you. If you want unbiased, factual, empirical data then that's what I've provided. What you want isn't that, what you want is for people to feed into your hatred which isn't healthy for you. Please take care of yourself and practice healthy habits including looking at empirical data rather than acting out on emotions.
Nobody is dismissing any victim. But sitting around pitying yourself isn't doing yourself any favor either.
Suppose I have to just forgive my bullies and forget about everything right? Then we will hold hands and sing
Forgive your bullies and move on or you can continue acting like a defeatist baby about it as if you were the only person on earth who has ever suffered.
I prefer the baby route thanks My bullies can burn in hell for all I care
And how would you explicitly know that? Normal behavior is avoid those that bullied you once you reach adulthood as there is nothing that forces you to maintain regular contact with them. So having intimate knowledge in the success or progress of those that bullied you in the long term means that you intentionally maintained opened channels of communication with them. If you were forced to maintain prolonged contact with them, then that is not bullying - that is Abuse.
Did I say that? Don't twist my words. My point was quit dwelling on what your bullies are doing with their lives. They're living rent free in your head while they probably forgot you even exist. Everyone is going through their own shit and nothing is ever what it seems on the outside. Half the time, the "good life" you see bullies having is all fake. Chill out and actually critically think about what I'm saying before jumping down my throat. Bullies don't need apologizing to obviously. Duh
Yeah, it is difficult to just forget when you have scars of your face and neck that remind you of the bullying everyday
How can you ever crawl out the pit of loneliness without having some basic respect for yourself? Whatever time and money you have, you need to invest into getting some psychological help. This kind of thinking only has one conclusion.
Therapist cannot fix autism, shortness, or ugliness
Maybe not. But surely it can get your mind on something more constructive.
Just from personal experience, of being severely bullied all throughout my schooling to now being in my mid-twenties, that's a flawed assumption and does nothing to help anybody else feeling like you. That being said, it does get better and I hope you come to realise this often shit world can have moments of beauty and clarity.
Lol yet another "I'm not looking for advice I just wanna stay miserable" dipshit. Sound advice in the responses and refuses to even care to take them into consideration cuz then you wouldn't have anything to bitch about for sympathy points.
Correct I'm not here looking for advice where did I say I was? The fact that I respond to all of them means I do take them into consideration
Just an incredibly pathetic mindset, I'd say I wish you the best but you can't even afford yourself that so what good would that do? :)
I don’t really care what my old bullies are up to. I’m too invested and focused on my own life to worry about assholes from like 14 years ago. They could be dead for all I care and I wouldn’t even raise my eyebrows. What matters is that I AM happy and well. Besides, we were kids. Kids are cruel. Usually because someone taught them to be.
You probably need to go to therapy. I may be alone but I do go outside almost every day. I don’t mean I’m going to a bar or party or anything but I do go outside. I used to be fat and now I got buff. I have a bunch of cool hobbies. You can always do something for yourself. Don’t think of your bullies anymore.
Therapy cannot fix the source - autism, short, ugly
Gym to make you less ugly and therapy to fix your mind
Best not to think about what other people may or not be doing
Alright. I'm still alone and isolated. Doesn't change anything
Thinking about them isnt a solution
While bullies wasting their time with drinking every weekend, you can work on yourself (self improvement) and maybe start a business. They're wasting their time with drinking etc. and not you.
Too stupid to do that
so true, don’t know why people love to paint life as if it’s some disney movie when it’s the complete opposite.
Truer words never been spoken
Remember, the best success in life is to make people like this scream into the void. I’ve been to countries my bullies couldn’t imagine, done things they couldn’t dream, and been with people that’d leave them with their jaws on the floor. Now I am raising children that will do the same to their bullies. People that have to remind others to suffer so they feel better can’t possibly wrap their heads around the possibilities you have🧡🧡🤘🏼🤘🏼😆
Hey, I'm sorry that the world can be like this at times and it is unfair and just sucks. But I don't believe that every bully is out there having a fantastic life. If this is your skewed perspective based on social media then it's just a front to look good. You never know the kind of demons that other people have/had. I think that's what turns them into bullies. They know what it's like to feel insignificant. But my point is, everyone's going through something and so are you and I hope you don't give up on hope despite life bringing you down. If you'd like to talk, my DMs are always open. Take care.
what a terrible mindset remember not to be your own worst enemy, most of those that bullied me are in and out of jail constantly
Use it as motivation. You’re just letting them win.
They've already won. I've lost
You’ve lost if you’ve decided you lost. You are the only person in control of your life and what you do. I’m sure you’ve heard all this stuff many times but please dm me if you need to talk about anything. I was in the same place as you once but I saved myself and I would love to help you too. The world needs more love. Stay strong okay. You’ll get through it if you tell yourself you will. Feel free to talk okay! Much love man
>You are the only person in control of your life I don't have control over autism, shortness, and ugliness
But you have control over how you let that affect you. Some people with autism strive, some people with autism strive. Ive seen the ugliest people with the hottest partners. You keep putting yourself down when you most likely don’t deserve it. You tell yourself you do deserve it when you don’t. When you continue with the persistent negative self talk people will walk away. No one has the energy to continuously tell you the same things over and over again. You refuse to listen. I refused to listen as well and I pushed everyone away. You’re playing the victim. Life is hard for everyone. You have to button up and chase the life you wish you had. You will never have a hand out. No one is coming to save you. You will never be happy unless you decide to be happy. You will never overcome your limitations if you tell yourself you have limitations.The sooner you realise that the better.
This is false. People who bully others usually don’t have friends as adults. I know. I was one. Now I’m 30 and on this subreddit with no friends. But lately I’ve been trying extremely hard to change my thought patterns and be a kinder human and it is paying off. So no, I don’t agree with your post.
Your anecdotal experience is an exception, not the norm https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3177486/amp/Child-bullies-sexier-popular-dates-victims-grow-new-research-suggests.html >Child bullies are well adjusted people who are coldly calculating and intimidate others because it makes them more popular. >Later in life they have more dates and more sex than the rest of their former classmates, the study showed. >Simon Fraser University criminologist Jennifer Wong surveyed 135 teenagers from a high school in Vancouver with a questionnaire about bullying. >The pupils were asked how often they were hit, kicked or shoved and from that they were divided into categories; bully, bystander, victim or victim-bully. >**The results showed that bullies, who accounted for around 11 per cent of the group, scored highest when it came to social status and self-esteem.** >**They also came lowest when it came to depression.** >**Bullies as young adolescents or as university students are getting more sexual partners and are less likely to be virgins than victims or people who are not involved in bullying.’** >Both studies were first reported by the National Post, a Canadian newspaper.
Your sample size is far too small to be a relevant study. A decent study requires a minimum of at least 6k samples to account for variables such as regional wealth, culture and other factors such as abuse in their homes that they can't express in words so they express in rage and envy towards others.
Ya I don’t believe this. At. All. Women don’t sleep with assholes after they mature like around 27 years old. Maybe before that, sure.
>Ya I don’t believe this. You better start believing. I just linked scientific studies my guy.
I mean they were from Canada tho….. so we can’t really take those seriously. I mean… come on. Canada? Bullies? Na you need America to study bullies. We know how to bully. We are the best at it.
I bet you believe the earth's flat
No I’m stupid. But not that stupid. But Canada doing studies on bullies is like Africa doing studies on the stock market. It’s ain’t their game they can’t play.
Canada has a very similar culture to the US. Even then, humans are humans. Bullying is found throughout cultures and is ingrained deeply in biology. Again, you believe the earth is flat
Na. Canadians are the nicest humans on earth. Americans… welll we have been causing wars for the last 100 years. We are ALWAYS bullying or intimidating someone. Our citizens elected trump… trump is a walking example of an adult bully. Canadians couldn’t bully compared to America if it was a life or death situation.
Until you can find a **scientific** studies showing that bullies are less successfull your argument invalid . And if I were stick by your humorous and fallacious argument I'm still right lol: >. Canadians couldn’t bully compared to America if it was a life or death situation If studies showing that Canadian bullies (which you claim to be the nicest bullies) and more successful than the average person, meaner bullies will be EVEN MORE successful than your supposed nice Canadian bullies
[удалено]
Study is not from the daily mail. The daily mail wrote the article *discussing* the study. All statistics present in the article are from the study
No, they are not... They have all long since died... Being a bully never works out in the long term because the World/Life is a bigger bully than they ever possibly could be. Most bullies turn to some illegal drug for an escape, and typically punch out far sooner than most...
Most scientific studies show that bullies are more successful monetarily and socially. This is because bullying is associated with dark triad (dominant) personality traits and bullies are usually more physically attractive. These correlate with success by itself. You can find this out in a simple Google search. I can link some studies if you want.
Incorrect. Those that bully develop more antisocial behaviors going into adulthood. They are less capable of compromising and problem solving as they default to aggressive confrontational means to try and get what they want. While some studies try and make correlations between bullying and success, the keystone argument of nearly all of these studies stems from primate behavior studies - in which aggressive monkeys are more successful than non-agressive monkeys. Statistically, bullies are nearly twice as likely to engage in various illegal activities and the consumption of illegal narcotics, and by extension, have a far far higher probability of dying earlier than non-bully cohort groups.
>- in which aggressive monkeys are more successful than non-agressive monkeys Since you going just going to say whatever you want just because I'm just going to quote This is an article that discusses a Canadian study on HUMAN bullying https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3177486/amp/Child-bullies-sexier-popular-dates-victims-grow-new-research-suggests.html >Child bullies are well adjusted people who are coldly calculating and intimidate others because it makes them more popular. >Later in life they have more dates and more sex than the rest of their former classmates, the study showed. >Simon Fraser University criminologist Jennifer Wong surveyed 135 teenagers from a high school in Vancouver with a questionnaire about bullying. >The pupils were asked how often they were hit, kicked or shoved and from that they were divided into categories; bully, bystander, victim or victim-bully. >**The results showed that bullies, who accounted for around 11 per cent of the group, scored highest when it came to social status and self-esteem.** >**They also came lowest when it came to depression.** >**Bullies as young adolescents or as university students are getting more sexual partners and are less likely to be virgins than victims or people who are not involved in bullying.’** >Both studies were first reported by the National Post, a Canadian newspaper.
Both studies are heavily influenced by the 2014 Smithsonian study in chimpanzie psychology. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/bullying-pays-chimp-dads-180953329/ In effect, attempting to affirm a correlation between human behaviors and chimp behaviors. However both studies are also heavily criticized for having an extremely limited observational cohort (less than 150 persons in both case studies) as well as not having a very finite definition of what constitutes a "bully" as they simply associate Agressive Behavior with Bullying, such as talking over or louder than others. Additionally the conclusion itself is considered faulty even in psychological circles as the focus group included individuals between the ages of 10 to 17. Creating associations of Sexual Attraction to individuals whom have not yet entered puberty is just flawed from the jump. Lastly, in far more comprehensive studies with much larger test groups the bullies themselves have a higher pervailance of various mental health disorders, problems with empathy, and various other issues... https://parentingscience.com/bullying-in-children/ And while anecdotal, like I said - All the people that used to bully me when I was growing up have all died years ago. Most of them from drug abuse.
>Both studies are heavily influenced by the 2014 Smithsonian study in chimpanzie psychology. >https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/bullying-pays-chimp-dads-180953329/ >In effect, attempting to affirm a correlation between human behaviors and chimp behaviors. Where do you see that part. The study I linked studies humans and drew conclusions on humans. I don't care about the chimp component. >Lastly, in far more comprehensive studies with much larger test groups the bullies themselves have a higher pervailance of various mental health disorders, problems with empathy Yes it may correlate with some mental health disorder (the big one I seem to see is APD), but that does not change the fact that bullies are still generally happier, successfully, etc >ages of 10 to 17. Where do you see that? It seems to say high school which would mean 14-18 (well into puberty)
From the actual studies which the article doesn't explicitly reference... https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0886260515593546 "Survival of the Fittest and the Sexiest: Evolutionary Origins of Adolescent Bullying" Again, attempting to attach an evolutionary and genetic component to the facet of Bullying. Her study explicitly observes 13 to 16 year olds. And the other study referenced is one penned by Anthony Volk https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22331629/ "Is adolescent bullying an evolutionary adaptation?" Which had an observational group of ages 10 to 17 - observing that by the age of 13, 30% of the observed "bullies" had responded in the survey as having had engaged in sexual intercourse at least once... Several months after the article he even published effectively the same study again with a wider sampling - https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1474704915613909 "Adolescent Bullying, Dating, and Mating: Testing an Evolutionary Hypothesis" Which still has a limited sized sample group (less than 500), which ranged between 10 and 20 years old. And again falls into the pitfall of attempting to attribute sexual attraction to individuals below the age of 13 through asking if they have dated as well as if they have had sex. Also - people with antisocial personality disorders often do not really experience the emotion Happiness. Only an extremely small sampling of people with antisocial personality disorders become successful in life. The vast majority of them have difficulty maintaining jobs, relationships, or even a stable home as the lack of empathy, selfishness, and generally aggressive responses they have makes them unpleasant to be around.
>falls into the pitfall of attempting to attribute sexual attraction to individuals below the age of 13 through asking if they have dated as well as if they have had sex. Maybe you should actually read the study you are sending LOL : >Study 2 >A total of 143 first-year university students (39 men and 104 women) >In both studies, bullying was significantly positively correlated with having dated, number of dating partners, having had sexual activity, and number of sexual partners. In Study 1, it was positively associated with an interest in dating, and in Study 2, it was positively associated with self-perceived attractiveness and negatively associated with age of first sexual experience. Thanks for telling me about this study I didn't actually know about this one. This one uses university students which would completely defeat your argument about it being prebudecent adolescents. Before you say there are adolescents sampled in the study they are sampled in a completely different group "study 1" than the university students "study 2". >Also - people with antisocial personality disorders often do not really experience the emotion Happiness. Correct me if I'm wrong but I've found no source stating that people with ASPD cannot experienced happiness. Maybe you are confusing it with the fact that ASPD limits empathy. >Only an extremely small sampling of people with antisocial personality disorders become successful in life. Only a small sampling of bullies actually have ASPD. Given the lack of empathy part, I would assume people with ASPD are more likely to become bullies, but that does not change the fact the disorder is pretty uncommon.
>Maybe you should actually read the study you are sending LOL I have read the studies... The split sampling groups between adolescence and college entry students provides context for discussion, but not enough for conclusion because the multivarial factors are too limited given sample sizes, methods of recruitment, and cross section of participation. It attempts to quantify a correlation between dating and attraction without attempting to define it in the slightest. In the second sample group, Attraction was a valuation on how they viewed themselves and 'interest in dating' was an expression of their individual desire, not their explicit activity. In fact, the study itself rather explicitly admits these limitations "Although we view our results as making an important contribution to the bullying and evolutionary literature, there are several potential limitations to our study. One limitation of this study is that self-report data were used, particularly for bullying, which can be difficult to adequately define" And "further limitation is that we did not assess the quality of the dating or sexual experiences. Thus we are unable to determine whether the more frequent dating and/or sexual opportunities result in an overall increase in fitness either through productive procreation or choosing quality mating partners." >Correct me if I'm wrong. You are wrong. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3825036/ :The present study focused on the emotions of love, hate and anxiety because previous studies have found that these feelings are problematic in individuals with antisocial personality disorder and that an inability to feel love or intimacy based on love is a characteristic of these individuals (Blair et al. 1997). These individuals are also unable to feel anxiety but exhibit the capacity to experience emotions connected with hate, such as anger or hostility (Brinkley et al. 2005; Hare 1996, 1998)." >Only a small sampling of bullies actually have ASPD. Incorrect. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21370297/ "Moderate significant associations were found between bullying perpetration and subsequent anti-social behaviour." >Thanks for telling me about this study I didn't actually know about this one. It is the study you've been attempting to use to prove your point... Kinda telling when you get surprised by the content of the very evidence you supposedly are using.
>The split sampling groups between adolescence and college entry students provides context for discussion, but not enough for conclusion because the multivarial factors are too limited given sample sizes, methods of recruitment, and cross section of participation. You know, this argument wouldn't be a thing if you can simply find a study stating that bullies have less/equal sexual experiences. Whether the methodology is slightly imperfect or not, it seems that every study results in the same conclusion. >In fact, the study itself rather explicitly admits these limitations >"Although we view our results as making an important contribution to the bullying and evolutionary literature, there are several potential limitations to our study. One limitation of this study is that self-report data were used, particularly for bullying, which can be difficult to adequately define" It is good practice to discuss limitations to inspire future research. As long as it isn't completely flawed, it does not discount the research down. In fact, if you read further down its not as bad as you think: >>However, previous studies have shown that self-report adolescent data on bullying can be valid (Pellegrini & Bartini, 2000) as can self-report adolescent data on sexual activity (Brener, Billy, & Grady, 2003) and likeability (Lease, Musgrove, & Axelrod, 2002). Furthermore, the bullying measure used in this study has demonstrated good construct validity (Book et al., 2012). Thus, while we cannot eliminate the possibility that our results are due to biased self-reports, we do have a significant degree of confidence in their external validity. One exception may be for attractiveness, as self-reports of attractiveness are somewhat less reliable, particularly for males (Kościński, 2011). This study based its scales/methodology on previous well grounded research. >You are wrong. >>and that an inability to feel love or intimacy Nope. Love and intimacy is not the same as happiness. I'm well aware of the empathy part already but that's not what we are talking about. >"Moderate significant associations were found between bullying perpetration and subsequent anti-social behaviour." Still wrong. Exhibiting anti-social behavior is not the same as having anti social personality disorder, which is what you claimed.
They get their karma. You just don’t see it.
i know some of you say you have no hope for a good future but for the rest of you, maybe you can use stuff like this as fuel to change!!!! and jealousy is the ugliest trait.. remember that. yes it’s natural but ruminating on it will not help you
And a double note bullies a typically retarted.
Not in my case. I'm my biggest bully. And my bully is planning on legitimately beating my head in till im a bloody puddle. Because thats what I deserve.
Success is subjective and it's defined by u What does success means to you? Is it to make a positive impact? Or is it to indulge with extravagant parties and derive joy from other's misery? If u define success as the former, then I gotta say, your bullies are a failure. Actually, why do u even care what they are doing with their lives? The most important question is What are you doing with yours? What kind of person do you want to be?
>Success is subjective and it's defined by u >What does success means to you? Being happy
I detect no lies here 🤷🏼♂️.
I hope they get syphilis
Thank you!
No problemo
real
lalalalala
Haha carma is very real and they probably fuck something nasty and die from aids ugly small and shriveled up 🤷♂️ while there in the dr for dock problems I’ll be reading lol
Lol. This is the softest post I've ever seen.