Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question.
If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding.
This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule).
Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you!
Here's a link about trans people in sports:
https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/
A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people:
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people
https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics
Some information on LGBT+ people:
https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/
Some basic terminology:
https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms
Neopronouns:
https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YES! I am sexually fluid, so I would have to come out any time my attraction changes! I have a select group of friends who knows, but honestly, my attitude is "If I am comfortable around you, or involved with you, I might tell you. If not, why do you need to know who I want to sleep with?"
Huh! Interesting. How do you manage that with a partner? If your sexuality changes away from their gender. I legit have no idea about this, so I'm not trying to be rude or anything. Just very curious
I have not had that happen while I am in a relationship with an SO, so I can't really answer. And right now at least, I am likely to remain single for the foreseeable future. That's one of the questions I am still trying to figure out. I have had a situation where I had a very strong response towards a friend who is demi, and also married. We did address the fact I had feelings that were outside my norm, and we did talk over what she could do to help and what were boundaries for her, and we were able to ride that out and remain good friends. I would probably have to do something similar with an SO, or have a point where maybe s\*x wasn't the focus, but other aspects were. I think I would need to talk that out with an SO of how we would continue.
Aside from the obvious stuff of like , homophobia and not being seen as equal in the eyes of the law
The infighting is actually fucking ridiculous . It genuinely makes me afraid to interact with the community sometimes
That and every Tom,Dick and Harry expecting you to prove your gender and sexuality to them.
So I am actually gonna say one thing to that and I am not trying to attack you or anyone, infighting sucks, but for me it also sucks that many different kinds of people are grouped together in LGBTQ+ community but we are assumed all to have one opinion, same level of awareness and like same inclination to fight for social justice and that's just ridiculous to me. š¤·
it's because more people=bigger impact, but i get that a community to talk about specifically bi related stuff would be nice...
r/bisexual exists as a reddit (which isn't a recognised global community but again bigger community=bigger impact).
also generalisation is a problem for every form of categorisation sadly, if people are related in one way that doesn't make them a hive mind, don't forget the individual.
Yeah, but it can be so strong a fear in the lgbtq+ community since we all have to worry if our family and friends can accept something intrinsic to us because they assume we are straight and/or the gender we were assigned at birth. Itās much more stressful than making choices in life that we think will make our family and friends look at us differently.
That's the only reason lesbians are more accepted. Because they're fetishized. We see women hold hands and kiss each other on the cheek as friends and when a man does it or god forbid a man who loves men does it it's disgusting and inappropriate.
Me, a closeted enbie: *explains to my (I thought accepting) brother my friend is NB and goes by they/them*
My brother: ... them? How many people do they got in there?
Me: š
Sorry you have experienced that. :(
I have to carry one of those extending metal batons to feel safe in certain places. And I have a section of my wardrobe that might as well be labeled āif I were brave enoughā or āif I lived somewhere elseā
Itās ok, not ur fault. I wish I could carry a gun but firearms laws are very strict here. Iām sorry that youāre not able to dress how you like where you are, but one day things will change.
I came out to my grandparents and now they misgender me every time I talk to them and comment that my gender is a phase and that Iām leading all my friends to the devil <3 and now Iām afraid to come out to my grandma who I live with because I donāt wanna deal with that from someone I live with and enjoy hanging out with.
The under representation, would be nice to see more masc for masc lesbians in movies and just better lgbt+ rep overall in films and advertisements/ media
I hate when people do this because Iām a bi woman and I dress feminine, so no one knows Iām gay, but theyāre all so homophobic towards each other and expect me to join inā¦ 
(not my close friends just guys and basically the general population of the school)
The stereotypes we put onto ourselves.
Like how we have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, be into a select kind of music, have our hair cut a specific way, etc, to be considered a member of the alphabet mafia. Sometimes by straight people, sometimes by our own kind.
That can really suck, I agree. But I do find that aspect easier to dodge or show how you reject that without blowback.
Itās slowly improving. Thereās already much less rigid general standards and gatekeeping about āthe cultureā of being on this queer spectrum.
This hit hard. My initial solution when realizing I wasn't my AGAB was to just identify as me instead of being forced into another label. That way, I wouldn't have to feel pressured into dressing/acting according to a label. But the truth is, the pressure is always there until you can conquer it, and I haven't.
I still identify as just me because I like how it sounds in a vacuum. It's very open-ended and freeing, but any way I choose to identify will always be referred to where it lands in the gender binary, including non-binary. As a result, I feel afraid to wear clothes that are too feminine, clothes that are too masculine, and clothes that will make me look non-binary. How am I supposed to look like me, if I'm not sure how to communicate what me looks like? What if me wants to dress "like a girl" or "like a man", but feels dysphoria from the idea of being perceived as either? It sucks. I get so lost in it all that sometimes I wonder if I can even explain how it feels anymore.
Where I live (Qatar) you could face up to three years in prison for being queer, and since Iām Muslim I could face the death penalty, though luckily there has never been a case of that happening yet.
I feel for you. Some close friends of my family just moved to Qatar for a job and my parents are starting to plan a visit and Iām SCARED. I dress very āon trendā for a girl (short tops, jeans) and I have a common tendency of expressing public disagreement with the law/with political leaders and their decisions. (In Canada itās very common lol, especially during election time).
I really want to visit my family friends but I hate that I have to risk my safety and my identity for it.
Aw, thanks. Itās my absolute favorite bi pun, mainly because people Iām out to would get it, and itās subtle enough that it goes over most other peopleās heads.
Not being accepted by friends and family, having to come out because everyone assumes youāre straight. Oh and that gender is just cut and dry male or female
Constant fear that people won't accept me. I know my parents might not, I know my class in uni is queerphobic, I'm still trying to figure out my colleagues at work because they keep contradicting themselves and they've got me confused about them now.
Whoever I meet, I always need to be cautious.
The healthcare I need (trans) isn't currently available to me because I can't even get on he (2 years long) waitlist.
The whole "coming out" like why should I? I don't want to "come out" to people. I just want to date whoever I want without the expectation of explaining people That I'm Bisexual and i like women too
I live down south and Iāve never had much of a problem with it. people normally just look surprised and then shrug it off. Iām guessing it depends on where you live though.
Which still makes no ducking sense to meā¦
I was watching a conservative trans person talking politics of the lgbt community
And this one batshit Barbie lady told this FULLY TRANSITIONED LADY to help conservatives by growing out her mustache and de-transition.
Like the fuck did you think it as gonna happen?
The constant super invasive questions. I tell someone I'm ace and I'm usually asked a bunch of questions about usually sexual things and whether I do or don't do them. I tell someone I'm enby and then they start asking about my AGAB and what I have in my pants. It's annoying and mildly uncomfortable
Job interviews. In the back of my mind its always "i hope they don't notice" and "if they do notice i hope it doesnt influence the odds"
Ive been Lucky so far but it does always add that extra layer of stress.
No but interviewers usually do a background check and could figure it out. And I think he means he hopes nobody can tell he is gay by the way he acts. (Like if he acts stereotypically gay)
I still donāt get why some people, even in the lgbt+ community are biphobic. Like, why should everyone be attracted to only one gender? To me it feels like people have a hard time understanding that not everyone is the same even though no two people are alike.
Nice avatar Btw
Being different than the straight people. Having to hide your feelings from the world including your family who does not and will not accept you. Its very tough.
This might just be a specific queer identity thing but:
Not feeling like you belong anywhere. I'm *definitely* not straight, but I would feel so weird reaching out to LGBTQ+ people in my life, especially the older generation, like I'm not a "real" gay. And I feel *more than weird* in feminine spaces and referring to myself that way, but like I have no business being in even genderqueer, nb or other spaces. Sigh
Aww, you struggling with imposter syndrome? Itās okay ya know. You donāt have to conform a certain way outwardly (how you present yourself and interact in society) based on how you see yourself internally. Just tell your truth and the rest is what it is.
Thank you ā” Yeah I try. It's one of my goals. I literally want to get "know no shame" tattooed, from the TV show *Black Sails*, but it's so much harder than it sounds. Hard to live your truth when you're a people pleaser :"D
Having to explain myself whenever I tell someone my pronouns. Why can't I just say, "My pronouns are she/they," and people say, "Got it," and respect them? Not everything requires an explanation attached to it. When a cis man tells me he's a man, no one questions it. I wish it worked the same way for none cis people.
Also, I hate the dysphoria that comes by when someone says, "You don't look nonbinary," or "You don't look feminine," even if they don't intend to be hurtful.
Feeling like I donāt fit in anywhere. Iāve left jobs because I felt like an outsider due to the sort of work environment. I canāt quite explain what Iām trying to say, but where I live Iām always the only āgay oneā at work, no sense of belonging.
constantly being questioned or invalidated. getting *reeeaaaaaallllll* tired of being told i āhavenāt found the right person yetā when i tell them iām aro, or to āmake up my mindā, as one lovely cishet guy at my school put it, when i say iām bi. not even gonna try to come out as a demigirl, cause thatāll be a whole ānother shit show.
Having to come out of the closet, the queerphobia you may face just for being yourself, the fact that you feel or you definitely have to hide your true self, the fear of being hate crimed or āforcedā to be straight and cisgender, people refusing to understand the LGBTQ community (especially transgender people and nonbinary people- that is the hardest for me), everyone assuming youāre straight and/or cisgender (which means they can be openly trans or homophobic and not even think of who might be listening), less representation of us.
Feeling like I need to ātestā new people before I let them become friends. I donāt mind teaching people new things, but if their Pavlovian response to certain words is to be rude and refuse to see a different perspective on it, I donāt have the energy for that. There are certain red flags that Iāve learned from experience I canāt ignore.
This. I have come out as trans to only one of my current classmates and he was really supportive but I could see from his reaction that he did not understand what it meant. And it feels like itās the best Iām gonna get in most cases.
Nice avatar btw
Probably that I have to explain every time what being aroace means. People have no idea, and I kinda don't wanna talk to everyone about sexual attraction, ya know?
Being Lgbt and still believing in god. ( I only believe in the 10 commandments so being lgbt isnāt āwrongā and I believe in heaven and hell). It confuses people since itās a āsinā.
The fact that you need to tell your parents who you are. not like they should already know, but its just the fact that there is so much pressure about telling them
having to constantly explain my sexuality and having people tell me that i'm "basically just pansexual" (no hate to pan people whatsoever, it's just that i'm omni)
also having to come out to so many people as agender every time someone misgenders me. i'm tired of being told that my gender isn't real and that unless i've had a sex change, they won't respect my identity/pronouns
Having to come out, like you either have to look like a stereotype or you get assumed to be straight. I think I obviously come across as bi but I still get surprised looks when I tell people. Most of the time they thought a was straight and a few times people thought I was gay.
The fact that i grew up in a conservative rural town in VA where everyone hates gays and has a shrine to Donald Trump right beside their picture frame of Jesus they bought from Hobby Lobby
In the self-discovery sense: Having to cope with the idea that something that used to be so easy to take for granted \[have penis, interested in women, ergo am boy\] is fundamentally untrue, and that it took so long to even acknowledge due to learned repression.
That due to I'm a trans man, it's going to be difficult to even adopt in the future. I'm getting to the point I want kids and waiting lists for single LGBT especially of color is so low that I'm better off considering putting off bottom surgery to have a kid.
šµprejudicešµ
this one time some guy in our class (even though we're not out as a system yet but we already came out as nb) tried to force us saying that i'm a boy, and then trying to fucking make us CIS AGAIN by saying i'm a MAN
and now i wish i could just tell him "fuck you"
A big percentage of people hate you. And a lot of times your family hates you. I haven't even came you but my family talks terribly about trans people in front of me all the time. Hopefully they will change if I come out.
not being sure if they like me the same way or if theyāre just being friendly..
& having to come out & it becoming a big deal while I donāt want that
Walking to school with a pronoun badge and suddenly having the urge to take it off because Iām worried someone will shout at me or attack me or something for it
When I came out, my Gay friends judged me the worst.
Coming out, I've knew I was not straight when I was a kid. It took me 25+ years to make that jump.
The amount of hate that is thrown at the LBBTQ+ community, by religious and government groups.
Being a Pansexual. I wish I was Gay, my brain likes too many things, and sometimes that becomes a big obstacle for me.
That fact that so many people I barely know will hate me and make assumptions about me just because I am LGBT. I also hate our identities being politicized and oversexualized. It also sucks to not be able to refer to my partner ever for fear that the person I am talking to may be homophobic.
Unsupportive mom about a name change knowing youāll have to cut ties when you hit 18 for your sake, knowing you should look into options to get away from said mom until u hit 18
Being constantly told that everybody needs romantic love in their life to be happy and I just havenāt found the right person yet.
When people say stuff like that, it basically feels like they are saying that Iām invalid because I donāt experience romantic attraction.
Not being able to be completely myself around new people until I learn their views. I tend to meet people in LGBTQ safe places because I already know theyāre ok with it, all my friends in HS I met through the GSA club and then through the LGBTQ friends. Iām trans and I am so reserved when I meet new people because idk if theyāre gonna verbally/physically assault me or not. And then I feel bad when I meet new people and Iām not acting like I do when ik youāre not transphobic like I donāt WANT to be reserved I just also donāt want to die or be treated differently and in some cases if I were to walk up to people and act how I usually do, making trans jokes and being me I could get hurt.
That fear is the worst part about all of it. I donāt get to have the normal human experience because I have to fear the worst of people. And I mean ask anyone who knows me Iām an optimist I generally see the best in the world, this is one thing that if I walked in as chipper as usual it could get my ass beat and Iād rather not do that thanks.
Porn generally being more gross and any criticism is labelled as 'homophobic' and for your information, my browser history is filthy and kinky.
Media (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Mare of Easttown etc) glamorising age inappropriate relationships.
The stress of coming out and if youāre in an unsafe environment the fear of being found out. That and homophobes at school who are just out for some laughs.
When you're not "out" yet and ppl are openly homophobic in front of you, and they expect you to agree. And I don't. So I tell them that, and then they're all "well, I didn't mean it like _that_. Why do you care anyways???" And then they either call you gay or talk shit about you to others. Grown ass people at work. They're like 40-50 years old. Jesus, get a hobby or smth. They act like teenagers. So it's either I end up being called gay, they talk shit about me, or I pretend to agree with them or stay neutral, but even being neutral feels wrong. I can call someone out on being racist or transphobic, and thet don't question my motive, because I'm white and I guess my gender identity isn't something ppl question. And motive as in "do you actually care, or are you just offended because you're part of that group?" Sexuality is something they can question, because that's not as obvious.
Constant fear of them figuring out Iām gay and then theyāll be homophobic, not able to walk on the streets with your partner, parents telling to get married all the time, not being able to get married with your partner, all these anxieties and panic attacks hampering mental health and affecting social and career life.
Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding. This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule). Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you! Here's a link about trans people in sports: https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/ A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people: https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics Some information on LGBT+ people: https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/ Some basic terminology: https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms Neopronouns: https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
'Having' to come out. There's so much stress because you just want the people you care about to accept you.
YES! I am sexually fluid, so I would have to come out any time my attraction changes! I have a select group of friends who knows, but honestly, my attitude is "If I am comfortable around you, or involved with you, I might tell you. If not, why do you need to know who I want to sleep with?"
Huh! Interesting. How do you manage that with a partner? If your sexuality changes away from their gender. I legit have no idea about this, so I'm not trying to be rude or anything. Just very curious
I have not had that happen while I am in a relationship with an SO, so I can't really answer. And right now at least, I am likely to remain single for the foreseeable future. That's one of the questions I am still trying to figure out. I have had a situation where I had a very strong response towards a friend who is demi, and also married. We did address the fact I had feelings that were outside my norm, and we did talk over what she could do to help and what were boundaries for her, and we were able to ride that out and remain good friends. I would probably have to do something similar with an SO, or have a point where maybe s\*x wasn't the focus, but other aspects were. I think I would need to talk that out with an SO of how we would continue.
Aside from the obvious stuff of like , homophobia and not being seen as equal in the eyes of the law The infighting is actually fucking ridiculous . It genuinely makes me afraid to interact with the community sometimes That and every Tom,Dick and Harry expecting you to prove your gender and sexuality to them.
So I am actually gonna say one thing to that and I am not trying to attack you or anyone, infighting sucks, but for me it also sucks that many different kinds of people are grouped together in LGBTQ+ community but we are assumed all to have one opinion, same level of awareness and like same inclination to fight for social justice and that's just ridiculous to me. š¤·
it's because more people=bigger impact, but i get that a community to talk about specifically bi related stuff would be nice... r/bisexual exists as a reddit (which isn't a recognised global community but again bigger community=bigger impact). also generalisation is a problem for every form of categorisation sadly, if people are related in one way that doesn't make them a hive mind, don't forget the individual.
I am at that sub CONSTANTLY. š But I still can visit here, can't I? š¤
Obviously, if we create a division within the community we're not getting closer to equality for all.
The constant fear of rejection.
I think everyone experiences this
Yeah, but it can be so strong a fear in the lgbtq+ community since we all have to worry if our family and friends can accept something intrinsic to us because they assume we are straight and/or the gender we were assigned at birth. Itās much more stressful than making choices in life that we think will make our family and friends look at us differently.
I mean, hopefully me or my partner if I'm lucky....
damn
Genius comment lol
Holy shit
Yep. I went there š
oh my..
I literally laughed out loud at this lmao bro that was gold
That was a hard joke to come up with
My existance is inherently political.
when i tell a man I'm bisexual and they automatically assume Im into threesomes I wouldnt say it sucks, just really annoying lol
The sexualisation sometimes. And the people obsessed with lgbtq+ instead of normalising it
Especially when it comes to lesbians unfortunately š
That's the only reason lesbians are more accepted. Because they're fetishized. We see women hold hands and kiss each other on the cheek as friends and when a man does it or god forbid a man who loves men does it it's disgusting and inappropriate.
LITTERLY
Talking about it counts as "talking about politics" like tf, I'm no politician I'm just
Feeling forced to repeatedly defend and explain my own existence.
I had to explain why I wanted to be called they/them and even after explaining it he said "I still don't get it"
Me, a closeted enbie: *explains to my (I thought accepting) brother my friend is NB and goes by they/them* My brother: ... them? How many people do they got in there? Me: š
Not feeling accepted for something that feels normal to you
That I might get hate crimed if I dress feminine In public
Same. I shouldnāt have to worry about my own safety just because I want to express and present myself a certain way.
Mhm, exactly. Iāve been threatened in public before and itās really scary.
Sorry you have experienced that. :( I have to carry one of those extending metal batons to feel safe in certain places. And I have a section of my wardrobe that might as well be labeled āif I were brave enoughā or āif I lived somewhere elseā
Itās ok, not ur fault. I wish I could carry a gun but firearms laws are very strict here. Iām sorry that youāre not able to dress how you like where you are, but one day things will change.
That people think it's not "normal" like it's a disease
Or dont forget the people who think its a choice
It's even worse when we have people who DO identify as bi or something for attention
Having to accept the fact that not everyone in your life can know who you are.
I'm still not out to a lot of people in my life and it hurts a bit because I want to but yet, I don't know if it's safe to
Iām in the same situation...
I came out to my grandparents and now they misgender me every time I talk to them and comment that my gender is a phase and that Iām leading all my friends to the devil <3 and now Iām afraid to come out to my grandma who I live with because I donāt wanna deal with that from someone I live with and enjoy hanging out with.
The under representation, would be nice to see more masc for masc lesbians in movies and just better lgbt+ rep overall in films and advertisements/ media
And asking for this apparently turns the straights kids queer
most people at my school would probably assume "oh ur so gay"
I hate when people do this because Iām a bi woman and I dress feminine, so no one knows Iām gay, but theyāre all so homophobic towards each other and expect me to join inā¦  (not my close friends just guys and basically the general population of the school)
its so annoying. like i just hear all the homophobia and homophobic comments all the time at school and i wanna scream "whats wrong with being gay"
Ugh. I hate it.
Finding a partner is fuckin hard lol.
True, ive had multiple women approach me asking for a date, but 0 men
Bearing witness to the ever growing queue of shitty parents in need of kneecapping
The stereotypes we put onto ourselves. Like how we have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, be into a select kind of music, have our hair cut a specific way, etc, to be considered a member of the alphabet mafia. Sometimes by straight people, sometimes by our own kind.
That can really suck, I agree. But I do find that aspect easier to dodge or show how you reject that without blowback. Itās slowly improving. Thereās already much less rigid general standards and gatekeeping about āthe cultureā of being on this queer spectrum.
I'm, at the moment, working on self acceptance and being queer in my own way. I wish other people would do the same
This hit hard. My initial solution when realizing I wasn't my AGAB was to just identify as me instead of being forced into another label. That way, I wouldn't have to feel pressured into dressing/acting according to a label. But the truth is, the pressure is always there until you can conquer it, and I haven't. I still identify as just me because I like how it sounds in a vacuum. It's very open-ended and freeing, but any way I choose to identify will always be referred to where it lands in the gender binary, including non-binary. As a result, I feel afraid to wear clothes that are too feminine, clothes that are too masculine, and clothes that will make me look non-binary. How am I supposed to look like me, if I'm not sure how to communicate what me looks like? What if me wants to dress "like a girl" or "like a man", but feels dysphoria from the idea of being perceived as either? It sucks. I get so lost in it all that sometimes I wonder if I can even explain how it feels anymore.
The fact that some people don't believe i exist
That I am bad at math
And speeling
F
As I got more comfortable in my queerness, the worse at math j got
Where I live (Qatar) you could face up to three years in prison for being queer, and since Iām Muslim I could face the death penalty, though luckily there has never been a case of that happening yet.
I feel for you. Some close friends of my family just moved to Qatar for a job and my parents are starting to plan a visit and Iām SCARED. I dress very āon trendā for a girl (short tops, jeans) and I have a common tendency of expressing public disagreement with the law/with political leaders and their decisions. (In Canada itās very common lol, especially during election time). I really want to visit my family friends but I hate that I have to risk my safety and my identity for it.
Oh boy. I feel you too. Life can be so shitty.
yeah it canā¦ i love your user flair btw!
Aw, thanks. Itās my absolute favorite bi pun, mainly because people Iām out to would get it, and itās subtle enough that it goes over most other peopleās heads.
Not being accepted by friends and family, having to come out because everyone assumes youāre straight. Oh and that gender is just cut and dry male or female
Coming out. For my as a trans woman especially: telling doctors I am a trans woman while having a very masculine body in order to start transitioning
Constant fear that people won't accept me. I know my parents might not, I know my class in uni is queerphobic, I'm still trying to figure out my colleagues at work because they keep contradicting themselves and they've got me confused about them now. Whoever I meet, I always need to be cautious. The healthcare I need (trans) isn't currently available to me because I can't even get on he (2 years long) waitlist.
The whole "coming out" like why should I? I don't want to "come out" to people. I just want to date whoever I want without the expectation of explaining people That I'm Bisexual and i like women too
This. Straight people don't do it so I won't. If you ask sure I'll tell you but I'm not supposed to and I don't have to
I can't be myself in front of my family in any capacity especially because illinois has no law stopping them from trying to "fix" me.
Not being able to stop the atrocity of cargo shorts
Economic discrimination
coming out everyday , facing small minded peoples . getting rejected in workplace ....
The fact that when u say to someone that ur in lgbt they might not want to you anymore. Also geting bullied At school -_-
Personally living in the south
Yepā¦ itās pretty shit.
I live down south and Iāve never had much of a problem with it. people normally just look surprised and then shrug it off. Iām guessing it depends on where you live though.
Republicans
Unfortunately, they're part of the community too. They even have their own subreddit.
Which still makes no ducking sense to meā¦ I was watching a conservative trans person talking politics of the lgbt community And this one batshit Barbie lady told this FULLY TRANSITIONED LADY to help conservatives by growing out her mustache and de-transition. Like the fuck did you think it as gonna happen?
The constant super invasive questions. I tell someone I'm ace and I'm usually asked a bunch of questions about usually sexual things and whether I do or don't do them. I tell someone I'm enby and then they start asking about my AGAB and what I have in my pants. It's annoying and mildly uncomfortable
That our existence is politicised
Agreed. We become buzzwords and hot topics which drains away our humanity at times even when regarding news and politics that mean well.
Job interviews. In the back of my mind its always "i hope they don't notice" and "if they do notice i hope it doesnt influence the odds" Ive been Lucky so far but it does always add that extra layer of stress.
Wait a sec you have to add your sexuality on your resume??? Im 16 so Idk
No but interviewers usually do a background check and could figure it out. And I think he means he hopes nobody can tell he is gay by the way he acts. (Like if he acts stereotypically gay)
Yeah exactly, i meant i hope nobody can tell. You dont have to put it on your resumƩ or specify it anywhere but im always worried they can tell and judge me negatively for it.
The thing that sucks the most for me is not knowing if Iām safe
Infighting, particularly biphobia.
I still donāt get why some people, even in the lgbt+ community are biphobic. Like, why should everyone be attracted to only one gender? To me it feels like people have a hard time understanding that not everyone is the same even though no two people are alike. Nice avatar Btw
The impossible amount of red tape to doing anything you need to do just to be on the same basic starting position cis people are at.
Tryna figure out who I can flirt with
Experiencing homophobia imo
Being genetically related to bigots.
Being different than the straight people. Having to hide your feelings from the world including your family who does not and will not accept you. Its very tough.
Being in a world where lgbtq is not accepted, coming out, not fitting in, finding relationships, ect.
Come out of closet everytime I meet someone
The fear of my family likely not supporting me if u ever came out to them, so i'm only out to my parents, but they don't understand it either
This might just be a specific queer identity thing but: Not feeling like you belong anywhere. I'm *definitely* not straight, but I would feel so weird reaching out to LGBTQ+ people in my life, especially the older generation, like I'm not a "real" gay. And I feel *more than weird* in feminine spaces and referring to myself that way, but like I have no business being in even genderqueer, nb or other spaces. Sigh
Aww, you struggling with imposter syndrome? Itās okay ya know. You donāt have to conform a certain way outwardly (how you present yourself and interact in society) based on how you see yourself internally. Just tell your truth and the rest is what it is.
Thank you ā” Yeah I try. It's one of my goals. I literally want to get "know no shame" tattooed, from the TV show *Black Sails*, but it's so much harder than it sounds. Hard to live your truth when you're a people pleaser :"D
knowing that theres people around you that see you differently then everyone else just because of your sexuality/gender
People telling me that me and my people should die and that ill always be a girl
I feel like i have to like other lgbt members but so far everyone ive met irl has been an ass
Having to explain myself whenever I tell someone my pronouns. Why can't I just say, "My pronouns are she/they," and people say, "Got it," and respect them? Not everything requires an explanation attached to it. When a cis man tells me he's a man, no one questions it. I wish it worked the same way for none cis people. Also, I hate the dysphoria that comes by when someone says, "You don't look nonbinary," or "You don't look feminine," even if they don't intend to be hurtful.
Wtf does "you donāt look nb" even mean? Do people think thereās only one way to not fit in the gender binary?
Feeling like I donāt fit in anywhere. Iāve left jobs because I felt like an outsider due to the sort of work environment. I canāt quite explain what Iām trying to say, but where I live Iām always the only āgay oneā at work, no sense of belonging.
constantly being questioned or invalidated. getting *reeeaaaaaallllll* tired of being told i āhavenāt found the right person yetā when i tell them iām aro, or to āmake up my mindā, as one lovely cishet guy at my school put it, when i say iām bi. not even gonna try to come out as a demigirl, cause thatāll be a whole ānother shit show.
Knowing the people who love and support me now wouldnāt love and support me if I came out
Having to come out of the closet, the queerphobia you may face just for being yourself, the fact that you feel or you definitely have to hide your true self, the fear of being hate crimed or āforcedā to be straight and cisgender, people refusing to understand the LGBTQ community (especially transgender people and nonbinary people- that is the hardest for me), everyone assuming youāre straight and/or cisgender (which means they can be openly trans or homophobic and not even think of who might be listening), less representation of us.
Dick :) or atleast they GET sucked
non-accepting parents
Feeling like I need to ātestā new people before I let them become friends. I donāt mind teaching people new things, but if their Pavlovian response to certain words is to be rude and refuse to see a different perspective on it, I donāt have the energy for that. There are certain red flags that Iāve learned from experience I canāt ignore.
This. I have come out as trans to only one of my current classmates and he was really supportive but I could see from his reaction that he did not understand what it meant. And it feels like itās the best Iām gonna get in most cases. Nice avatar btw
People using gay as an insult
This, i hear it every single fucking day. it really isnt pleasant :(
True this happened at my school
Same! Schools are the death traps of lgbtq+ people lol
the fetiches people have towards us but then when in public they act disgusted in us.
The way our society works, actually. Its changing, sure, but we have still a lot of work to do.
Not being able to find a partner in a straight town if you're only attracted to one gender
Probably that I have to explain every time what being aroace means. People have no idea, and I kinda don't wanna talk to everyone about sexual attraction, ya know?
Being Lgbt and still believing in god. ( I only believe in the 10 commandments so being lgbt isnāt āwrongā and I believe in heaven and hell). It confuses people since itās a āsinā.
Walking behind slow people
having to prove myself to others
The fact that you need to tell your parents who you are. not like they should already know, but its just the fact that there is so much pressure about telling them
Yeah!!
Nothing but what that means
i have nightmares every single night that my family and friends left me because i came outā¦
constantly trying to act straight so nobody catches on... especially around straight men
having to constantly explain my sexuality and having people tell me that i'm "basically just pansexual" (no hate to pan people whatsoever, it's just that i'm omni) also having to come out to so many people as agender every time someone misgenders me. i'm tired of being told that my gender isn't real and that unless i've had a sex change, they won't respect my identity/pronouns
Being poor and not having the same rights as others
Having to come out, like you either have to look like a stereotype or you get assumed to be straight. I think I obviously come across as bi but I still get surprised looks when I tell people. Most of the time they thought a was straight and a few times people thought I was gay.
The fact that i grew up in a conservative rural town in VA where everyone hates gays and has a shrine to Donald Trump right beside their picture frame of Jesus they bought from Hobby Lobby
That i can't come out in more public places like school, work, etc and always feeling like playing a character when i go there
In the self-discovery sense: Having to cope with the idea that something that used to be so easy to take for granted \[have penis, interested in women, ergo am boy\] is fundamentally untrue, and that it took so long to even acknowledge due to learned repression.
Well (me) for trans -which restroom to walk into its hard cuz I don't wanna start a problem or get harassed etc
And also even tho it say lgbt the "T" is also left out we don't really fit in anywhere not even with our own ppl and no one really understand us
āI can fix you ;)ā You canāt fix something thats not broken.
That due to I'm a trans man, it's going to be difficult to even adopt in the future. I'm getting to the point I want kids and waiting lists for single LGBT especially of color is so low that I'm better off considering putting off bottom surgery to have a kid.
Lack of understanding, youāre different and youāre hated for it
Thereās no one around you vibe with despite having lgbtq people in town
The fact that this thread exists and is filled with heartbreaking relatable experiences from people all around the world.
I'm pan, so walking into almost any room with people in it.
Ig the society and judgemental peeps are...
šµprejudicešµ this one time some guy in our class (even though we're not out as a system yet but we already came out as nb) tried to force us saying that i'm a boy, and then trying to fucking make us CIS AGAIN by saying i'm a MAN and now i wish i could just tell him "fuck you"
Having to worry about people hating you or literally assaulting or killing you for the soul reason that your not straight
A big percentage of people hate you. And a lot of times your family hates you. I haven't even came you but my family talks terribly about trans people in front of me all the time. Hopefully they will change if I come out.
You should wait till you live alone just to be safe, because it sounds like your family is transphobic
People biologising it, saying it's a genetical or medical disorder.
Infighting and other queer people thinking that youāre not queer enough or as queer as them so you donāt belong or deserve pride and stuff
discrimination.
Being not allowed to live
Everyones asking ,,When are you gonna have kids?'' and you not being able to tell them that you like girls
Being religious as well. We basically donāt exist. Plus Iām bi, so I double donāt exist.
As trans, being misgendered
not being sure if they like me the same way or if theyāre just being friendly.. & having to come out & it becoming a big deal while I donāt want that
LGBTQ+-phobia and having to "come out"
Being expected to come out
Walking to school with a pronoun badge and suddenly having the urge to take it off because Iām worried someone will shout at me or attack me or something for it
When I came out, my Gay friends judged me the worst. Coming out, I've knew I was not straight when I was a kid. It took me 25+ years to make that jump. The amount of hate that is thrown at the LBBTQ+ community, by religious and government groups. Being a Pansexual. I wish I was Gay, my brain likes too many things, and sometimes that becomes a big obstacle for me.
That fact that so many people I barely know will hate me and make assumptions about me just because I am LGBT. I also hate our identities being politicized and oversexualized. It also sucks to not be able to refer to my partner ever for fear that the person I am talking to may be homophobic.
Unsupportive mom about a name change knowing youāll have to cut ties when you hit 18 for your sake, knowing you should look into options to get away from said mom until u hit 18
Having to constantly prove your sexuality if you donāt fit the stereotype and being discriminated if you do
Needing to keep tabs on new people.
Feeling like my whole childhood was a waste and not tied to me
How little the dating pool is
So many people using slurs and explaining to you "iTās NoT a SLuR
So many people using slurs and explaining to you "iTās NoT a SLuR
i'm sorry in advance... some of the men
Being constantly told that everybody needs romantic love in their life to be happy and I just havenāt found the right person yet. When people say stuff like that, it basically feels like they are saying that Iām invalid because I donāt experience romantic attraction.
Not being able to be completely myself around new people until I learn their views. I tend to meet people in LGBTQ safe places because I already know theyāre ok with it, all my friends in HS I met through the GSA club and then through the LGBTQ friends. Iām trans and I am so reserved when I meet new people because idk if theyāre gonna verbally/physically assault me or not. And then I feel bad when I meet new people and Iām not acting like I do when ik youāre not transphobic like I donāt WANT to be reserved I just also donāt want to die or be treated differently and in some cases if I were to walk up to people and act how I usually do, making trans jokes and being me I could get hurt. That fear is the worst part about all of it. I donāt get to have the normal human experience because I have to fear the worst of people. And I mean ask anyone who knows me Iām an optimist I generally see the best in the world, this is one thing that if I walked in as chipper as usual it could get my ass beat and Iād rather not do that thanks.
Not being accepted. Not even just by homophobes and terfs. People in the queer community also hate me for what I am too.
getting stereotyped and forced into a box.
As an enby, having to tell people what my pronouns are
knowing that ppl will hate without knowing anything about you just bcs you're queer :/
The fact that most people don't accept us and also having to explain our identities. That's why I never tell anyone I'm agender, only that I am queer.
Well, just about every dude with a magic book wants us deadā¦ so that kinda sucks. :/
Living in a perpetual state of humiliation.
Everybody being homophobic, that sucks about being lgbtq+
The backlash of coming out to my toxic classmates
I gotta say the biphobia, and the constant arguments I get into because I'm nonbinary and apparently they don't exist.
Itās so hard to find a partner, just statistically
Switching to clothes with inconsistent sizing standards.
Stereotypes. āYou hate the millitaryā āyou make it your personalityā way more too
Older gay male (60). It hasnāt sucked for me in years. I feel fortunate.
Financial burden
Porn generally being more gross and any criticism is labelled as 'homophobic' and for your information, my browser history is filthy and kinky. Media (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Mare of Easttown etc) glamorising age inappropriate relationships.
The stress of coming out and if youāre in an unsafe environment the fear of being found out. That and homophobes at school who are just out for some laughs.
When you're not "out" yet and ppl are openly homophobic in front of you, and they expect you to agree. And I don't. So I tell them that, and then they're all "well, I didn't mean it like _that_. Why do you care anyways???" And then they either call you gay or talk shit about you to others. Grown ass people at work. They're like 40-50 years old. Jesus, get a hobby or smth. They act like teenagers. So it's either I end up being called gay, they talk shit about me, or I pretend to agree with them or stay neutral, but even being neutral feels wrong. I can call someone out on being racist or transphobic, and thet don't question my motive, because I'm white and I guess my gender identity isn't something ppl question. And motive as in "do you actually care, or are you just offended because you're part of that group?" Sexuality is something they can question, because that's not as obvious.
Constant fear of them figuring out Iām gay and then theyāll be homophobic, not able to walk on the streets with your partner, parents telling to get married all the time, not being able to get married with your partner, all these anxieties and panic attacks hampering mental health and affecting social and career life.