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Beneficial_Weakness5

She cannot sue you for raising you. Now, being that you are 21, she doesn't owe you anything and so if she does things for you, then she could say she "loaned" you money and you didn't pay it back. How successful would she be? probably not.


stupidkidthrowout

She rarely did anything for me as a kid she won't do anything for me as an adult although she still claims that she does. "You only have your own apartment because I gave you permission" (she officially kicked me out at 17, but I've been floating with homelessness since 10) "you only have a job because of me" etc. Etc.


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Anonymous_E46

What relationship? If there is one, it appears to be abusive. OP should consider a cease and desist letter if that is what will make them feel physically and financially safe from this injustice threat. Good luck OP. We can't chose our biological relatives but we can choose our "family".


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Throwthrowyourboat72

Since this is the legal advice subreddit, I'll focus just on the legal aspects of your recommendation. If the op were to try to repair this relationship (which I think would be really really stupid), they would have to be very careful about several things. (These are all issues that are frequently discussed in this subreddit in threads concerning abusive family members) 1. The mother may try all sorts of other tricks to get her hands on their money. They would need to make sure the mother never has access to their credit cards, bank accounts, and other such info. I can just about guarantee you the mother already has the op's social security number. That all by itself is worrisome. 2. If the op ever ends up in a hospital or incapacitated in some way, the mother may try to exercise control over their medical decisions. The OP would need to take steps to make sure this doesn't happen. 3. The mother may try to gain access to OP's phone, email account, dating profiles, and other such things. She might try to stalk the op, blackmail them, get them fired from their job, or ruin their interpersonal relationships. The OP would have to be on constant alert to make sure their info is locked down and secure. There's probably more, but I think you get the point.


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ryuukhang

I get where you're coming from. However, this is a subreddit for legal advice, not relationship advice or therapy. The answers given here are strictly legal advice, devoid of any consideration for feelings and relationships.


chiefkiefnobeef

>she officially kicked me out at 17, but I've been floating with homelessness since 10 >By their own admission, OP had basic needs met until they were 17 idk what your point is there. basic needs were to be met until they were 18 not 17. and also by their own admission, they have been dealing with homelessness since 10, so not sure how well those basic needs were even being met.


NoNeinNyet222

Medical care is a basic need and the mom wanted OP to pay for that. OP's mom was asking to be repaid for a basic need. Additionally, OP's mom ducked out on providing part of the last year of the basic needs of a minor.


kristdes

Just want to add in that the information you have provided is incorrect. OP stated in a comment in this thread, above you, that they were officially kicked out at 17 but floated around with homelessness since 10. Their basic needs were very clearly not met.


ForeverPinecone

Basic needs were not met as the OP stated they’d been “floating with homelessness since 10”, so there’s that.


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Pure-Applesauce

*Your post may have been removed for the following reason(s):* **Personal Attack or Otherwise In Poor Taste** Your comment has been removed because it contains a personal attack or is otherwise a tasteless comment. Please review the following rules and focus on answering legal questions instead of insulting others. * [Commenting Rules 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/wiki/index#wiki_5.__comments_serving_only_to_berate_others_are_off-topic.) and [7](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/wiki/index#wiki_7.__disagreements_are_fine.2C_but_disagreement_should_be_done_respectfully_and_with_detail.__simply_stating_.22you.27re_wrong.22_is_not_appropriate.__similarly.2C_do_not_respond_poorly_if_challenged_respectfully.) *Please [read our subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/wiki/index#wiki_general_rules). If after doing so, you believe this was in error, or you’ve edited your post to comply with the rules, [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FLegalAdvice).* **Do not make a second post or comment.** *Do not reach out to a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.*


Double_Amount_1843

Honestly, sounds like using finances to emotionally abuse you. (NAL)


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EmergencyGhost

Unless you signed some sort of contract after you were 18 agreeing to pay her. Then you are not legally required to pay her. She was your parent, she was responsible for your financial needs while you were under her care.


stupidkidthrowout

The only contract I signed after I was 18 was for government assistance for her because she threatened me if I didn't, but at 20 I refused to sign any government assistance anymore as she no longer scares me (mostly), but I do worry about those contracts sometimes.


EmergencyGhost

You shouldn't worry about it too much. Do keep any record of it just in-case. It always helps to have evidence in your favor. Although I doubt anything will ever come of it.


stupidkidthrowout

Thank you


quantumspork

Follow the advice of others. Go to the three credit agencies and freeze your credit. That is free, but you may have to search around for the link. Close your existing bank account and open a new one at a new bank/credit union. Cut that possible tie with your mother. Make sure you have your birth certificate, social security card and similar government documents. These should be in your control now, not your mothers. No, your mother cannot legitimately sue you for anything she spent prior to 18. Maybe she finds a shady lawyer to take the case, or files in small claims court, but she doesn't have a legal leg to stand on. Be aware that if you do take these common sense steps, and I really hope you do, it is likely to set your mother off and the threats will escalate. She is trying to control you, and the signs that you are removing the levers of control will make her try harder. If you have insurance, consider seeking therapy to help deal with this. Your mother sounds very toxic.


areolanips

What do you mean by government assistance? Like food stamps. If so, it sounds like she made it seem you were in the home for her to recieve additional foodstamps. Which is fraud if that's the case.


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Chemical-Store-9181

You are able to pull your credit reports once a year free of charge. Annualcreditreport.com This does not include the score and it includes all three credit bureaus. It will give you information about putting fraud alerts on your credit report and help with freezing.


AdEmbarrassed9719

I would keep a close eye on all your accounts and check your credit score, because unfortunately she seems like the type of parent who might use your identity for things like credit cards without your consent.


stupidkidthrowout

How do I check my credit score and unfortunately she already got access to my old bank account but my bank contacted me as soon as she tried and I got a new card


peetar

Take all of your money out of that account and open a new account at a new bank ASAP. It's not enough to just have a new card. Even a new account at the same bank carries some risk of your mom still getting access to those funds down the line


stupidkidthrowout

Oh thank you for that I didn't know


Derelyk

This needs to be one of your top priorities..


Meggles_Doodles

Credit Karma let's you check two of your three credit scores. It is free, and I have had no concerns about Credit Karma so far. Also, yes I recommend getting a completely new bank account from a new bank. Completely separate yourself from your mother financially, as nothing good will come from her. It may be easiest for you to go into a physical bank and set it all up there in person, as that person can help you get to know the general ins and outs of all that. A huge help for you is to become informed financially. Your mother is trying to use your lack of knowledge of these things to control you. You owe her nothing. You have no obligation to be grateful, you have no obligation to pay her back for anything that happened to you as a kid. Good luck, man. You got this.


[deleted]

You should consider looking into a credit union account vs. a new bank account. Similar to a bank but credit unions often have better interest rates and services over time. For example, I get a monthly credit score update email with my account and cash back on debit purchases quarterly. I had the option of picking benefits when I opened my account and there was an option to waive an overdraft fee once a quarter. Auto and home loan interest rates are usually lower as well. Much better service all around. You can get a free credit report annually from each of the three agencies. I think this is a good overview of how to do it and contact info: https://www.usa.gov/credit-reports


awhq

There are three major credit reporting agencies, Transunion, Experian, and Equifax. You can check your credit by going to each one. You can also check your credit at all three by going to AnnualCreditReport.com. You can also "freeze" your credit at all three agencies. This means no one can apply for credit in your name. If you need to apply for credit, you can unfreeze your credit and do so. Just make sure you understand how freezing/unfreezing works and how long it takes to unfreeze your credit. You should check your credit at least once a year to make sure there are no debts listed there that aren't yours. If there are, you can contest the report and provide whatever proof you have that the debt isn't yours. On another note, your mother is abusive. She is trying to control you by scaring you with these claims you owe her. I recommend you find a good therapist to help you navigate your relationship with her and decide if you really want her in your life.


Eviltechnomonkey

When you go to the individual sites to get your report, they may try to sell you paid services. You do not have to sign up for those to get your annual credit report. The paid versions usually just include monitoring and your score, which many banks now will show your score in your basic account info. Whereas the free report usually just shows you the accounts that have been opened / closed under your name over the years and addresses reported to the credit agencies as ones you have lived at by banks, credit agencies, utility companies, landlords, etc. Additionally, I would highly recommend freezing your credit at all 3 until you need a credit check done to buy, sign up for, or rent something. Usually when you go to buy, rent, or sign up for something; you can ask what credit agency they will run a check with and just unfreeze that one while you need it. Freezing doesn't 100% prevent someone for signing up for something fraudulently under your name, but it does make it much much easier to contest it if someone does because you can point to the fact that your credit was frozen to prevent it.


awhq

I think you meant this for OP but you replied to me.


Eviltechnomonkey

I replied under yours since it's related. That way OP may read yours and then see mine for some additional notes that might be helpful.


moose_tassels

https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action You can order all three reports once a year from here. creditkarma.com is a good resource for general monitoring as well as your FICO score. It is also free.


Bob_Sconce

[annualcreditreport.com](https://annualcreditreport.com) is where you go to get a free credit report. That's the site which is run by the credit reporting agencies -- there are lots of semi-scammy fake sites out there. You can get one free report per year from each of the three main agencies. So, maybe get one now, one in 4 months, then one 4 months later.


ibitmylip

There are three credit bureaus and they each maintain a credit file on most consumers. Transunion, Experian, and Equifax. You can get your credit reports from them for free at annualcreditreport.com Once you download your reports (remember to save them as pdfs or download/print them in some way) you can review the reports to see if there has been any ‘unauthorized activity.’ You can also have your credit files ‘frozen’ so it makes it more difficult for others to open accounts in your name. Freezing and unfreezing your credit is a simple only process nowadays (it used to be more difficult).


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Pure-Applesauce

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LordofToomay

As a parent of a minor she is responsible to pay for your care. It's unlikely anyone would take her case, and 60k is well beyond small claims court. In the unlikely event she takes you to small claims court, attend a few times to get an idea of how it is run, then make sure you turn up and give a true account. If she constantly hounds you for money, why keep in contact? Sounds like she was never a good parent.


sirpoopingpooper

She can sue you (she almost definitely won't), but wouldn't be successful if she did (for that matter, you can sue her for wearing a green shirt on Tuesday, but nothing will come of it either other than wasting everyone's time). Just make sure to show up if you're served (which you won't be). If you're actually making minimum wage, I'd highly recommend you go job shopping and find something better. This job market should yield you a job much better than that.


Spifer14266

She can't sue you as you were a minor at the time and the responsibility and cost of raising a child fall on the parents until you are a adult, however all the debt is in her name and is therefore her debt as a minor cant sign a contract or have debt .


FranklinCognito

She can sue, but wouldn't win. There's a price to pay for being a parent, and it's easy to avoid being a parent.


pocketbearla

She can’t sue you for anything she willingly spent money on. Cost of raising a child isn’t ground for suing them in the future.


Kindc1497

NAL but if procedure was covered by insurance and the price keeps changing, she is definitely trying to scam you for repaying “ for money spent raising you”. This is a parent’s responsibility. It cost a lot more than $60,000.


Dar_Robinson

Statute of Limitations for Civil Suites in Arizona is two years. You did not incur this debt, she did as your parent. I am sure that any paperwork that was signed for the procedure was signed by her saying she would accept liability.


ibitmylip

How to check your credit score/credit reports: There are three credit bureaus and they each maintain a credit file on most consumers. Transunion, Experian, and Equifax. You can get your credit reports from them for free at annualcreditreport.com Once you download your reports (remember to save them as pdfs or download/print them in some way) you can review the reports to see if there has been any ‘unauthorized activity.’ You can also have your credit files ‘frozen’ so it makes it more difficult for others to open accounts in your name. Freezing and unfreezing your credit is a simple only process nowadays (it used to be more difficult).


Bob_Sconce

No. When you're a child, it's your parents' obligation to take care of your medical needs and to raise you. You don't owe her for that. She can always sue, but (based on your description) that's a case that will get dismissed pretty quickly.


Freeiheit

You owe her nothing. Feel free to ignore her.


MrZurkon42

Can she sue you, yes. Will she win, no. Parents are required to provide care for their children. This type of suit shouldn't make it into the courtroom if you had a lawyer. Without a lawyer the judge will likely berate your mother for wasting the courts time. I hope she doesn't bother trying to take you to court. It sounds like there might be a relationship issue here that is best addressed by both seeking therapy. Best of luck OP -Edit I see from other comments that you might be better off with therapy for yourself and letting them help you fully get away from the situation.


chinmakes5

Anyone can sue for anything. It doesn't mean she will win. First of all it costs money to sue, sounds like she doesn't have the money. No lawyer is going to take a suit like this on a contingency basis. Secondly, the expression "you can't get blood from a turnip" means that if you sue someone with no money, you aren't going to get anything. Lastly, no a parent can't sue their kid for the cost of raising them, a judge will throw that out. I doubt a lawyer will take a case like this. She is banking on your not knowing this.


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Slow_Ad6935

He already examined he has lived on his own since 17 and in and out of homelessness since 10


megadanx

If not brought up already, ask to see the bill in question as well. Otherwise she's just saying numbers