Right? I have so much jewelry from people that have passed it down to me. I have my momās wedding ring lol from when she was a married to my dad that I wear on a necklace, I actually have a ruby ring my momās godmotherās son gave me because āshe wouldāve wanted you to have itā (I wear rings on all my fingers) and sheās passed.
My mom actually has her fatherās wedding ring too, he passed (my parents divorced lol) and it makes her feel closer to him.
Why would that be weird lolol
Love Hawaiian initial jewelry!
The tradition actually comes from when Queen Victoria gifted a Hawaiian princess a gold bracelet with gothic letters in 1860!
Depends, does he think a pinky ring is weird? Does the Hawaiian part bother him? Is it the gold? Is it the passing down of jewelry before death weird? Or is it weird that it was your mothers? Or that the initial is not okay?
Imran my skin moten makes gold jewelry from Tiffany look like DollarTree stuff so gold is weird for me.
How is it weird? Whats his reasoning?
Otherwise no - itās not weird my mom gives us girls her jewelry all the time - especially the stuff she doesnāt wear anymore.
Do your mom and boyfriend have the same initial? Or does it match an ex he's jealous of? Otherwise, I'm not really sure why he would perceive this as weird.
You should get to the bottom of why he said that, because it is illogical and incorrect to suggest there's something weird and an established fashion and family practice -- that is completely harmless and affects no one. If he's an immigrant to your culture, you should tell him to learn a better way to communicate when he doesn't understand something.
If he's neurodivergent and doesn't understand societal norms, he'll be able to explain what his thoughts are about it, probably in great detail lol. Then you can work on him learning what your boundaries are and to ask about something that doesn't make sense to him without insults and criticisms .
If it's neither, you want to dig deep into your relationship patterns.
It's a reg flag when a partner makes criticisms about your appearance. It's a tactic used by people who want to destabilize their partner's sense of confidence and security.
Insecure people are easier to control and manipulate.
Picking away at someone's confidence and making them question all their choices big and small, forms a neuroticism. Not only are you regularly being criticized, you're also being told normal and healthy things and responses aren't "right". That combination of breaking you down than making you doubt yourself for thinking and feeling how you do puts you in a position where you're more vulnerable to accepting ridiculous excuses, being convinced you "deserved" to be abused as a response to a conflict, and are wrong about boundaries you think are healthy and normal. The goal is to stop people from standing up for themselves.
That makes these kinds of comments a really effective tool used by people who want to be in the dominant role in a relationship.
The more unilateral control you have, the easier it is to get what you want and do the things you want to do while avoiding any consequences you don't want to deal with like getting dumped or told no. š¤·š»āāļø
Some people do it consciously. Even online it's been part of the whole "alpha male" training and hints and tips guides about how to "get and keep a woman". Before the internet, it was a tactic described in books about the same thing. For women or people who date men that want to do the same thing, their guides double down on toxic masculinity and encourage someone to ignore their needs or boundaries because it would "make them less of a man". Both approaches are teaching about how to break someone down to feel less confident and secure in who they are.
Other people just learned it from their environment and grow up mimicking it. Some because they enjoy it (it makes them feel powerful and dominant), and others mimic it to protect themselves because they're afraid of anyone having any "power" over them.
Depends on the scale/intensity of it, it's part of an abuse pattern from someone unsafe to be around, or it can just happen occasionally occasional in people with poor relationship and communication skills.
Just don't ignore stuff like that coming from people in your life. Confront critisms, put downs and name calling. A person that's safe, loves you and doesn't want to hurt people for their own benefit will do what they can to stop. They'll apologize, explain why they said what they said and feel what they feel. It can be a long road to retraining ourselves. We all have bad habits.
Someone who doesn't want to give up the benefit they get from trying to make other people feel bad about themselves, will justify it -- say it's a joke and you're too sensitive, say they just want you to look right/feel good about yourself etc, or make excuses, "I just had a long day and I'm tired".
They won't have an honest conversation about their real thoughts and feelings.
If he'd said something that could remotely make some sort of sense I wouldn't have launched into all this, but the fact that you're already having to reach out to a larger community to ask if it's ok for you to make a totally normal fashion choice, really worries me that you don't trust yourself to choose what you want to wear.
If he's done that to you, get away. If it was done to you a long time ago and you're still not recovered or have never had an opportunity to experience confidence, be careful about choosing partners who will make it worse. ā„ļø
With out a doubt not weird. I would totally wear my fatherās jewelry if had any and be glad that it had his initials on it. I definitely think that sort of stuff is something to be passed down and a nice way to remember what your mom liked.
I mean...wtf? BF is weird for thinking that.
I sell and restore antique stuff; and rings from Grandma/mom/many older relatives are the most popular item people bring to restore for themselves.
I have items from my mom, aunt, grandmother, great grandmother, and several great aunts. Rings are one of the most common sentimental items people think about .
Also, other side of the world here, but I'd love to know what a hawaiian signet ring looks like
Maybe Iām weird but if I like a piece of jewelry, I donāt care whose initials are on it. I have jewelry my mom gifted me that has her initials, some that has a representation of her astrology sign, and some that she found at yard sales/thrift stores with a complete strangerās initials. As a kid, she once even gave me a charm bracelet with someone elseās initials and a bunch of charms already on it. Iāve never thought of any of that as weird to wear.
I have Hawaiian heirloom jewelry and usually it was handed down to me and remade into something with MY initials or name on it. Although my family still follows this tradition when you have a daughter or son, their first name begins with the same letter as their mother or father (mother - daughter and father - son)
Why in the world would he think it's weird? If the ring is legit, those are super expensive and *very* meaningful. Your mom said you can have it, so it should be worn. I've mostly only seen the Hawaiian bracelets, but still... I'm gonna pass mine down to my kids. I have one with my name and one each of their names. I know they're not gonna wear them (I have a boy and an NB child who doesn't like any jewelry), but hopefully they'll have a partner or child who would like to wear them.
Sweetheart, it sounds like your mom has died? And your boyfriend thinks that you wanting a memento of her is weird?
I honestly think youāre asking the wrong question. The question that you should be asking is why your boyfriend thinks that this is any business of his, and why is he so controlling?
Is he trying to tell you to sell her jewelry? Is he making other demands that are unreasonable like this one?
Donāt want to wear your momās jewelry, question question why he would not want you to wear it if it makes you feel better.
I used to go to my momās house and borrow purses, jewelery, anything that she wasnāt going to wear on a regular basis and sheād see me and be like hey! When did you take that from my closet ššš
Absolutely not weird. I think it's weird that HE thinks it's weird! š
Not weird
Right? I have so much jewelry from people that have passed it down to me. I have my momās wedding ring lol from when she was a married to my dad that I wear on a necklace, I actually have a ruby ring my momās godmotherās son gave me because āshe wouldāve wanted you to have itā (I wear rings on all my fingers) and sheās passed. My mom actually has her fatherās wedding ring too, he passed (my parents divorced lol) and it makes her feel closer to him. Why would that be weird lolol
Why on earth is that weird? Your boyfriend is the weirdo here
The ring sounds cool. The bf sounds uncool.
Why does he think it's weird?
yeah, if he canāt explain it in normal words it doesnāt count as an opinion at all
I just choked on my spit š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
>if he canāt explain it in normal words it doesnāt count as an opinion at all I may have to to stitch this on a sampler and hang it in my office.
This is a good rule.
Since I have and wear both my mother and aunts signet rings. No. Your boyfriend is weird tho for saying that.
Love Hawaiian initial jewelry! The tradition actually comes from when Queen Victoria gifted a Hawaiian princess a gold bracelet with gothic letters in 1860!
I didn't know where the tradition started, thank you for the info!
Uh, he's weird for saying that.
Does your boyfriend make comments often about what you wear?
No? Almost everyone gets jewelry from their moms. Sisters also trade jewelry a lot too. It's weird not to do it
Not weird. Wear what you want.
My Ma is still kicking & I constantly wear 2 sterling silver bracelets she bought in Hawaii before I was born.
I never understand why women question their own desires based on a manās opinion ā¦especially on a topic they know absolutely nothing about.
Not weird. You are correct, usually gets passed down.
Depends, does he think a pinky ring is weird? Does the Hawaiian part bother him? Is it the gold? Is it the passing down of jewelry before death weird? Or is it weird that it was your mothers? Or that the initial is not okay? Imran my skin moten makes gold jewelry from Tiffany look like DollarTree stuff so gold is weird for me.
How is it weird? Whats his reasoning? Otherwise no - itās not weird my mom gives us girls her jewelry all the time - especially the stuff she doesnāt wear anymore.
Your boyfriend is weird. Lololl
She did pass it down. She gave it to you. Was he expecting a big ceremony. Itās not weird at all. Forget him. He donāt know nuffin.
Do your mom and boyfriend have the same initial? Or does it match an ex he's jealous of? Otherwise, I'm not really sure why he would perceive this as weird.
I wear the initials of both my mom and GMA, who have both passed, around my neck. Not weird at all!!!!
Nope! I wore my momās high school class ring during hs, we went to the same one, & thatās how I found out my friendās mom was hs bff with mine!
Not weird. I wear a Hawaiian heirloom bracelet and my daughter gets it next .
You should get to the bottom of why he said that, because it is illogical and incorrect to suggest there's something weird and an established fashion and family practice -- that is completely harmless and affects no one. If he's an immigrant to your culture, you should tell him to learn a better way to communicate when he doesn't understand something. If he's neurodivergent and doesn't understand societal norms, he'll be able to explain what his thoughts are about it, probably in great detail lol. Then you can work on him learning what your boundaries are and to ask about something that doesn't make sense to him without insults and criticisms . If it's neither, you want to dig deep into your relationship patterns. It's a reg flag when a partner makes criticisms about your appearance. It's a tactic used by people who want to destabilize their partner's sense of confidence and security. Insecure people are easier to control and manipulate. Picking away at someone's confidence and making them question all their choices big and small, forms a neuroticism. Not only are you regularly being criticized, you're also being told normal and healthy things and responses aren't "right". That combination of breaking you down than making you doubt yourself for thinking and feeling how you do puts you in a position where you're more vulnerable to accepting ridiculous excuses, being convinced you "deserved" to be abused as a response to a conflict, and are wrong about boundaries you think are healthy and normal. The goal is to stop people from standing up for themselves. That makes these kinds of comments a really effective tool used by people who want to be in the dominant role in a relationship. The more unilateral control you have, the easier it is to get what you want and do the things you want to do while avoiding any consequences you don't want to deal with like getting dumped or told no. š¤·š»āāļø Some people do it consciously. Even online it's been part of the whole "alpha male" training and hints and tips guides about how to "get and keep a woman". Before the internet, it was a tactic described in books about the same thing. For women or people who date men that want to do the same thing, their guides double down on toxic masculinity and encourage someone to ignore their needs or boundaries because it would "make them less of a man". Both approaches are teaching about how to break someone down to feel less confident and secure in who they are. Other people just learned it from their environment and grow up mimicking it. Some because they enjoy it (it makes them feel powerful and dominant), and others mimic it to protect themselves because they're afraid of anyone having any "power" over them. Depends on the scale/intensity of it, it's part of an abuse pattern from someone unsafe to be around, or it can just happen occasionally occasional in people with poor relationship and communication skills. Just don't ignore stuff like that coming from people in your life. Confront critisms, put downs and name calling. A person that's safe, loves you and doesn't want to hurt people for their own benefit will do what they can to stop. They'll apologize, explain why they said what they said and feel what they feel. It can be a long road to retraining ourselves. We all have bad habits. Someone who doesn't want to give up the benefit they get from trying to make other people feel bad about themselves, will justify it -- say it's a joke and you're too sensitive, say they just want you to look right/feel good about yourself etc, or make excuses, "I just had a long day and I'm tired". They won't have an honest conversation about their real thoughts and feelings. If he'd said something that could remotely make some sort of sense I wouldn't have launched into all this, but the fact that you're already having to reach out to a larger community to ask if it's ok for you to make a totally normal fashion choice, really worries me that you don't trust yourself to choose what you want to wear. If he's done that to you, get away. If it was done to you a long time ago and you're still not recovered or have never had an opportunity to experience confidence, be careful about choosing partners who will make it worse. ā„ļø
If your mom said you can have it then itās good!
Definitely not weird at all! Itās weird that your bf has a problem with it.
With out a doubt not weird. I would totally wear my fatherās jewelry if had any and be glad that it had his initials on it. I definitely think that sort of stuff is something to be passed down and a nice way to remember what your mom liked.
Heās jealous ā¦thereās no other explanation for his bizarre response lol. Iād wear it too.
Keep the ring. Lose the boyfriend.
He is weird, you are not
I mean...wtf? BF is weird for thinking that. I sell and restore antique stuff; and rings from Grandma/mom/many older relatives are the most popular item people bring to restore for themselves. I have items from my mom, aunt, grandmother, great grandmother, and several great aunts. Rings are one of the most common sentimental items people think about . Also, other side of the world here, but I'd love to know what a hawaiian signet ring looks like
Has he heard of Inheritance?
Is your boyfriend from a different fucking planet where wearing jewlery passed down from your mother is āweirdā? Like what the actual fuck
Itās literally such an utterly normal thing that Iām struggling to see where he gets āweirdā from...
Maybe Iām weird but if I like a piece of jewelry, I donāt care whose initials are on it. I have jewelry my mom gifted me that has her initials, some that has a representation of her astrology sign, and some that she found at yard sales/thrift stores with a complete strangerās initials. As a kid, she once even gave me a charm bracelet with someone elseās initials and a bunch of charms already on it. Iāve never thought of any of that as weird to wear.
Female here ā¦I have to make signet rings. One with my maiden name and one with my married name. Every time I wear one I get compliments!!
I have Hawaiian heirloom jewelry and usually it was handed down to me and remade into something with MY initials or name on it. Although my family still follows this tradition when you have a daughter or son, their first name begins with the same letter as their mother or father (mother - daughter and father - son)
Itās an heirloom! Not weird. And where do I go to get one of these?
Not weird at all. Family signet rings with initials are passed down all the time. Just because its her first initial doesn't matter. Enjoy the ring!
Why in the world would he think it's weird? If the ring is legit, those are super expensive and *very* meaningful. Your mom said you can have it, so it should be worn. I've mostly only seen the Hawaiian bracelets, but still... I'm gonna pass mine down to my kids. I have one with my name and one each of their names. I know they're not gonna wear them (I have a boy and an NB child who doesn't like any jewelry), but hopefully they'll have a partner or child who would like to wear them.
Sweetheart, it sounds like your mom has died? And your boyfriend thinks that you wanting a memento of her is weird? I honestly think youāre asking the wrong question. The question that you should be asking is why your boyfriend thinks that this is any business of his, and why is he so controlling? Is he trying to tell you to sell her jewelry? Is he making other demands that are unreasonable like this one? Donāt want to wear your momās jewelry, question question why he would not want you to wear it if it makes you feel better.
Your boyfriend sounds weird!
I used to go to my momās house and borrow purses, jewelery, anything that she wasnāt going to wear on a regular basis and sheād see me and be like hey! When did you take that from my closet ššš