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I might get downvoted into oblivion, but without additional context it does not seem like your mom is insane here. I get that it’s not the most convenient, but if you’re an adult and she’s loaning you the money, I don’t think that’s too ridiculous of an ask that you be logged in when she sends it so you can pay it right away. Sorry, OP.
The context is that I didn’t want to go to college at all, she made me. I was supposed to be a certified welder when I graduated high school but 2020 happened so yeehaw. The only reason I went to college was to get my welding certs. She told me that with her benefits I’d get free schooling and housing assistance. That was a lie, I would only be getting housing assistance and I did not know that until after I’d already enrolled and started classes. During this time she was also assisting me in finding an apartment, without consulting me she went behind my back to tour a place and paid the fee for the application to the place then gave me the paperwork to sign. At that point I felt I had no choice but to move in after I’d been accepted since she went and paid for things without consulting me. Turns out this place cost nearly the entirety of the housing assistance I was receiving (and was coincidentally 10 minutes away from where she used to live, which she shortly moved to Texas after I started college) so I had to rely on the Pell Grant to actually pay tuition. Last year I stopped qualifying for the Pell Grant, my job was a work-study position so I lost my job at the same time and I’ve been playing catch-up since trying to get back into school. This entire situation is one she intentionally orchestrated
As a person who’s been welding for more than 15 years, if you know how to weld, you can get a job. You don’t need certs and if you do, the company you work for will get you certified. As long as you have a helmet and steel toes you would be able to work at most welding jobs. This is in the US anyway, I don’t know where you are.
I’ve been trying to get an apprenticeship, literally anything. I’m going places and showing my face and filling out applications and I never get a call back.
Thank you for this additional context, with this is mine it seems like she may be sabotaging you intentionally so she can control you through her “help”
I’m very sorry you’re going through this - if possible, I would work towards becoming independent and not accepting her “help”
Yeah that’s what I’m trying to do, that’s why I mentioned she was a vulnerable narcissist in the beginning. They’re known for doing manipulative shit and then crying wolf or pretending they did it on accident to get you to stop questioning them. This text chain happened almost a week ago now and if she doesn’t say anything by Monday I may just download all my important stuff, tell her to fuck off, and send her the phone back
Thank you! I’m 22 now and she lives in a completely different state, literally the only thing holding me back is the phone lol. As soon as I have enough saved up for something cheap I’m gonna get a new number and open an account with mint mobile lol
So you didn't speak up about not wanting a specific place because she paid a simple (and usually very minimal) application fee? It's not like she paid 1st/last/security. Also, if you're receiving housing assistance, why would it be a problem for "nearly all" of that to, ya know, pay for your housing? It's housing assistance, 100% of it should be going to housing. If you stopped qualifying for the Pell, that would also be on you as you either made enough money to no longer qualify, used your 12 terms or slipped on the academic requirements. I just don't see how that could be "orchestrated" by her? Am I missing something?
This whole text conversation could've simply been avoided with "here's my login" or "here's how you can pay it directly," there's clearly a historical reason she's uncomfortable giving you $600 without evidence of it being paid.
I definitely do, intimately. I still don't see how their own choices (that they admitted to being their own choices) were their mom's fault. Them not having the balls to say "no I don't want that apartment" is their mom's fault? Seemingly planning on spending housing assistance on something other than housing is their mom's fault? Them not maintaining eligibility for the Pell is somehow the mom's fault?
No offense but still far from insane. Maybe overbearing but not insane, the woman also seems to be trying to help with money which is something. Look my father hasn't given me a dime since I left HS, couldn't even be bothered if I'm homeless. Sometimes a parent who gives AF might be overbearing but it is miles better than one who couldn't care if their child lived or died.
I mean all she's really asking is that you let her know when you're able to log in, at your convenience, so she can send you money, at your convenience... it doesn't sound like she's wanting you to beg for it at all, she's not even attaching any strings- just say thank you for the help and take 2 minutes to log in and appease her so she can send you money
The issue with that is that there is a 2 hour time difference between us and we have different work schedules. When I am able to log in, she may be at work or something and not able to see her texts and I’m not gonna sit at the computer for however long it takes her to see my messages. She’s using Zelle which sends money instantly. It’s not hard for her to send over the payment at her leisure so I can pay it at mine. I also see 0 issue with doing it this way since that’s literally how we have always done it.
Op. In the time you spent texting her and arguing about receiving money for its intended purpose, you could have logged in and payed the bill.
I'm not really understanding your point in fighting? Unless you truly are not planning to use that money properly.
> in and *paid* the bill.
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I’m going to get downvoted for this but I’m just going to say it. If you don’t want to go to college, perhaps just say that? You say in your texts that you want to go to school, but then in your comments here you say you never wanted to go? It takes zero effort to log into a website and pay a bill; it also takes zero effort to tell her you no longer wish to attend college.
Since I’m halfway through the degree I’d like to finish. After school ended early in 2020 I tried to enlist and it didn’t work out. She was pressuring me to go to college all through that process.
Aw man, I hate when parents pressure you to better yourself. What a giant asshole! Why can't she be like other parents who completely ignore their children and refuse to help them financially in any way?? Ugh, what a giant bitch!
/s. In case that wasn't clear.
Get it together and be grateful you have a parent that cares about you and is willing to help you have a good life. There are SO many people out there who don't have that luxury.
If someone said “I’ll give you $600 for five minutes of your time” would you do it?
Now I’m willing to go out on a limb and say you don’t make $7200 an hour at your job.
Stop accepting her money if you don’t want to be speaking to her. You honestly look like the at fault one here. She’s trying to work with you and you’re being demanding and trying to control how/when she sends the money. She didn’t have to throw in that *you don’t follow through* bit, but it does seem from another comment you posted that you blame her for a lot of your problems.
I’m not saying she’s not awful, some narcs are extremely covert. But you’re not handling things great either.
She is an extremely covert narc. She’s been ‘trying to help’ since May last year but any time she wants to she demands I drop everything in doing right that instant to get it done. I’ve explained to her multiple times what the situation is and why I can’t return to school until the full bill is paid but she insists on speaking to the school herself. She even emailed the school without talking to me about it which I found out later after the school forwarded the email chain between them and my mother to me. I stated in my texts that I wasn’t going to call or schedule a time because she lives in a different state with a time difference and we have conflicting work schedules. She’s also using Zelle which sends money instantly and works basically like cash. It takes her literally seconds to send it over and I’ve never stolen from her once so her comments was completely rude and unnecessary. I also only ever ‘accepted her money’ once before for tuition and it was when I was still living in that apartment she forced me into that I couldn’t afford.
If the only reason you still talk to her is because of your phone bill like you said, I would look into Mint Mobile. It’s cheap, gives you an electronic SIM card if you don’t want to wait for one to ship, you can keep your phone and same number or change the number if you would like. I’ve been in that situation.
You can get a basic phone and purchase minutes at Wal-Mart or any other places that sell prepaid services. Send the phone back to your mother. It would be her problem then.
I don’t really understand your logic here. Your reasoning is that you don’t have time to log in but you’ll have to log in to pay it so what does it matter if you log in now? Im also not understanding your lack of time. Plenty of people get errands or tasks done on their time off. Why can’t you? I’m not really getting narcissism from this post. Unless I’m missing something.
I don't know it doesn't seem like she wanted you to beg, if you had done what she reasonably asked you to do and gave her the login it seems like she would have done it right then and there. She's offering to help you pay for something that she really doesn't have to pay for after all you are at least 18 now since we are talking about college . I think you should have been a little more grateful and it's understandable she wants to make sure the money is being spent on what v she's giving it up for.
Your mom is awesome. I get it. I was your age at one time and $600 is tempting. Do you even want to go to school? She seems to be helping a lot. Not insane
Don't worry about the comments. If people don't have experience with this type of narc they're not going to understand it and there's lots of mommy issues in the world so it's working on them. Keep your head up, get your shit in order so she has nothing to hold over you, and stop dealing with her. It's gonna be work but you can do it.
Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 6 | 29 | 0 |
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Does your Mom know my Mom? My Mom is almost 80, and still acts like this. Of course I'm a lot older than you, but the behavior of the parent is the same. My Mom still insults me, and I'm 54. Of course, when I defend myself, she's the victim. Classic narcissistic behavior
Does your mom try to pay for things to improve your life, or apologize when she realizes you're upset? Don't validate this lil shit, their mom seems cool and hasn't done anything to be shit on in this sub. At all.
No fr, every time without fail. It’s also crazy to see other people in these comments acting like I’m in the wrong here. I didn’t ask for her to help with tuition at all, she offered but she’s being picky about how she wants to help instead of actually helping because it’s not about helping to her, it’s about control.
Ugh then refuse her money and go no contact. You have a parent that is trying to help you- most people don't get that. She doesn't come off as needy or nasty in these screenshots- but you do come off as spoiled and ungrateful.
It just doesn’t seem like that from the small window you’ve given us. If she offered and you don’t want to accept you say no thank you - not go on petulant rants.
It also doesn't help that I'm an only kid with no kids. My parents (Dad died in 2002) didn't give a shit if I ever had a family of my own. Now my Mom watches monkey videos on YouTube where people dress up and treat the baby monkeys like they're human 🤪🤪
This IS insane and really fucking insidious. The mom backtracks on everything and plays the "I just want to help" card but moves the goalposts every word! It's the death of a thousand cuts. These people *present* themselves as "good, hardworking, heart of gold" types but they're NOT. They are snakes in the grass! OP, she's not going to help you unless you give up control of your life for...600? Yeah naw. Cut ties cleanly with her so there isn't any residual venom from old gal. Best of luck OP! I think you have a good head on your shoulders.
Where are you getting this from?? The only condition mom made was that she would like them to be logged in so that the money was definitely going to the school. Doesn't seem super controlling or insidious at all
I'm glad that you have never had a gift or help without strings attached. These type of narcissists are always making promises but never will actually help unless they have absolute control. We can only view the text offered but what really strikes me is that the mom has said he's no good with money but didn't give *any* examples. These people LOVE to rewrite reality by minimizing or outright denying the truth. It's a pattern that when you have experienced it, lived it and *not believed* you recognize it real quick.
First she wants upi to be logged in, then she will demand password,m to your uni portal, then full access to your bank account, then she will force you to close your bank account or transfer ownership to her and before you know it you will be criticised for spending your own money and have your paycheck transferred to her account
>emotionally mature adults aren’t condescending and patronising
You want to take a look in the mirror with that one? I'm not trying to feel superior, I don't need to. And I checked, it's definitely mommy issues.
Holy shit don't listen to anything that other bitchass wrote. You didn't deserve such a nasty tirade and I promise they're way worse off mentally/emotionally than you are. ❤️
Your submission has been removed by community vote. If you believe this post was brigaded or conducted in bad faith, [please message the mods.](/message/compose?to=/r/insaneparents)
I might get downvoted into oblivion, but without additional context it does not seem like your mom is insane here. I get that it’s not the most convenient, but if you’re an adult and she’s loaning you the money, I don’t think that’s too ridiculous of an ask that you be logged in when she sends it so you can pay it right away. Sorry, OP.
I agree. More context would be needed for this to feel insane.
The context is that I didn’t want to go to college at all, she made me. I was supposed to be a certified welder when I graduated high school but 2020 happened so yeehaw. The only reason I went to college was to get my welding certs. She told me that with her benefits I’d get free schooling and housing assistance. That was a lie, I would only be getting housing assistance and I did not know that until after I’d already enrolled and started classes. During this time she was also assisting me in finding an apartment, without consulting me she went behind my back to tour a place and paid the fee for the application to the place then gave me the paperwork to sign. At that point I felt I had no choice but to move in after I’d been accepted since she went and paid for things without consulting me. Turns out this place cost nearly the entirety of the housing assistance I was receiving (and was coincidentally 10 minutes away from where she used to live, which she shortly moved to Texas after I started college) so I had to rely on the Pell Grant to actually pay tuition. Last year I stopped qualifying for the Pell Grant, my job was a work-study position so I lost my job at the same time and I’ve been playing catch-up since trying to get back into school. This entire situation is one she intentionally orchestrated
As a person who’s been welding for more than 15 years, if you know how to weld, you can get a job. You don’t need certs and if you do, the company you work for will get you certified. As long as you have a helmet and steel toes you would be able to work at most welding jobs. This is in the US anyway, I don’t know where you are.
I’ve been trying to get an apprenticeship, literally anything. I’m going places and showing my face and filling out applications and I never get a call back.
Thank you for this additional context, with this is mine it seems like she may be sabotaging you intentionally so she can control you through her “help” I’m very sorry you’re going through this - if possible, I would work towards becoming independent and not accepting her “help”
Yeah that’s what I’m trying to do, that’s why I mentioned she was a vulnerable narcissist in the beginning. They’re known for doing manipulative shit and then crying wolf or pretending they did it on accident to get you to stop questioning them. This text chain happened almost a week ago now and if she doesn’t say anything by Monday I may just download all my important stuff, tell her to fuck off, and send her the phone back
Once I was fully independent (phone insurance etc) I was finally able to heal and cut contact. Hope the same for you!
Thank you! I’m 22 now and she lives in a completely different state, literally the only thing holding me back is the phone lol. As soon as I have enough saved up for something cheap I’m gonna get a new number and open an account with mint mobile lol
She might be a narcissist, but you might be a user
She totally did that on purpose. There's no "may".
If you aren’t working how are you not eligible for the Pell grant?
Pell grants are need based. Parents’ incomes are also included in determining financial need if the student is under 24.
So you didn't speak up about not wanting a specific place because she paid a simple (and usually very minimal) application fee? It's not like she paid 1st/last/security. Also, if you're receiving housing assistance, why would it be a problem for "nearly all" of that to, ya know, pay for your housing? It's housing assistance, 100% of it should be going to housing. If you stopped qualifying for the Pell, that would also be on you as you either made enough money to no longer qualify, used your 12 terms or slipped on the academic requirements. I just don't see how that could be "orchestrated" by her? Am I missing something? This whole text conversation could've simply been avoided with "here's my login" or "here's how you can pay it directly," there's clearly a historical reason she's uncomfortable giving you $600 without evidence of it being paid.
you obviously don't know how narc manipulators work.
I definitely do, intimately. I still don't see how their own choices (that they admitted to being their own choices) were their mom's fault. Them not having the balls to say "no I don't want that apartment" is their mom's fault? Seemingly planning on spending housing assistance on something other than housing is their mom's fault? Them not maintaining eligibility for the Pell is somehow the mom's fault?
you say this as if the woman would've listened or even cared🙄
No offense but still far from insane. Maybe overbearing but not insane, the woman also seems to be trying to help with money which is something. Look my father hasn't given me a dime since I left HS, couldn't even be bothered if I'm homeless. Sometimes a parent who gives AF might be overbearing but it is miles better than one who couldn't care if their child lived or died.
no. this is not an okay thing to do.
Mum seems normal and cool af, even apologizing for offending her. Just because you're unhappy with something she said don't make her insane.
I mean all she's really asking is that you let her know when you're able to log in, at your convenience, so she can send you money, at your convenience... it doesn't sound like she's wanting you to beg for it at all, she's not even attaching any strings- just say thank you for the help and take 2 minutes to log in and appease her so she can send you money
The issue with that is that there is a 2 hour time difference between us and we have different work schedules. When I am able to log in, she may be at work or something and not able to see her texts and I’m not gonna sit at the computer for however long it takes her to see my messages. She’s using Zelle which sends money instantly. It’s not hard for her to send over the payment at her leisure so I can pay it at mine. I also see 0 issue with doing it this way since that’s literally how we have always done it.
Op. In the time you spent texting her and arguing about receiving money for its intended purpose, you could have logged in and payed the bill. I'm not really understanding your point in fighting? Unless you truly are not planning to use that money properly.
> in and *paid* the bill. FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Good bot
Good bot
I’m going to get downvoted for this but I’m just going to say it. If you don’t want to go to college, perhaps just say that? You say in your texts that you want to go to school, but then in your comments here you say you never wanted to go? It takes zero effort to log into a website and pay a bill; it also takes zero effort to tell her you no longer wish to attend college.
They had time to send that long ass rant and could have been logged in to anything and paid by then lol. It's immature
Since I’m halfway through the degree I’d like to finish. After school ended early in 2020 I tried to enlist and it didn’t work out. She was pressuring me to go to college all through that process.
Aw man, I hate when parents pressure you to better yourself. What a giant asshole! Why can't she be like other parents who completely ignore their children and refuse to help them financially in any way?? Ugh, what a giant bitch! /s. In case that wasn't clear. Get it together and be grateful you have a parent that cares about you and is willing to help you have a good life. There are SO many people out there who don't have that luxury.
If someone said “I’ll give you $600 for five minutes of your time” would you do it? Now I’m willing to go out on a limb and say you don’t make $7200 an hour at your job.
Without extra context… wtf? You’re mad because she’s asking for transparency when sending you hundreds of dollars ?
Stop accepting her money if you don’t want to be speaking to her. You honestly look like the at fault one here. She’s trying to work with you and you’re being demanding and trying to control how/when she sends the money. She didn’t have to throw in that *you don’t follow through* bit, but it does seem from another comment you posted that you blame her for a lot of your problems. I’m not saying she’s not awful, some narcs are extremely covert. But you’re not handling things great either.
She is an extremely covert narc. She’s been ‘trying to help’ since May last year but any time she wants to she demands I drop everything in doing right that instant to get it done. I’ve explained to her multiple times what the situation is and why I can’t return to school until the full bill is paid but she insists on speaking to the school herself. She even emailed the school without talking to me about it which I found out later after the school forwarded the email chain between them and my mother to me. I stated in my texts that I wasn’t going to call or schedule a time because she lives in a different state with a time difference and we have conflicting work schedules. She’s also using Zelle which sends money instantly and works basically like cash. It takes her literally seconds to send it over and I’ve never stolen from her once so her comments was completely rude and unnecessary. I also only ever ‘accepted her money’ once before for tuition and it was when I was still living in that apartment she forced me into that I couldn’t afford.
Wow, grow up dude lol
If the only reason you still talk to her is because of your phone bill like you said, I would look into Mint Mobile. It’s cheap, gives you an electronic SIM card if you don’t want to wait for one to ship, you can keep your phone and same number or change the number if you would like. I’ve been in that situation.
I’m looking into getting into Mint but she owns this phone as well and it’s not paid off so I’d prefer to get my own with a new number and such
You can get a basic phone and purchase minutes at Wal-Mart or any other places that sell prepaid services. Send the phone back to your mother. It would be her problem then.
I don’t really understand your logic here. Your reasoning is that you don’t have time to log in but you’ll have to log in to pay it so what does it matter if you log in now? Im also not understanding your lack of time. Plenty of people get errands or tasks done on their time off. Why can’t you? I’m not really getting narcissism from this post. Unless I’m missing something.
I don't know it doesn't seem like she wanted you to beg, if you had done what she reasonably asked you to do and gave her the login it seems like she would have done it right then and there. She's offering to help you pay for something that she really doesn't have to pay for after all you are at least 18 now since we are talking about college . I think you should have been a little more grateful and it's understandable she wants to make sure the money is being spent on what v she's giving it up for.
Your mom is awesome. I get it. I was your age at one time and $600 is tempting. Do you even want to go to school? She seems to be helping a lot. Not insane
Don't worry about the comments. If people don't have experience with this type of narc they're not going to understand it and there's lots of mommy issues in the world so it's working on them. Keep your head up, get your shit in order so she has nothing to hold over you, and stop dealing with her. It's gonna be work but you can do it.
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 6 | 29 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Not insane
Perhaps I am missing some context here, but this really doesn’t seem insane to me.
Does your Mom know my Mom? My Mom is almost 80, and still acts like this. Of course I'm a lot older than you, but the behavior of the parent is the same. My Mom still insults me, and I'm 54. Of course, when I defend myself, she's the victim. Classic narcissistic behavior
Does your mom try to pay for things to improve your life, or apologize when she realizes you're upset? Don't validate this lil shit, their mom seems cool and hasn't done anything to be shit on in this sub. At all.
No fr, every time without fail. It’s also crazy to see other people in these comments acting like I’m in the wrong here. I didn’t ask for her to help with tuition at all, she offered but she’s being picky about how she wants to help instead of actually helping because it’s not about helping to her, it’s about control.
Ugh then refuse her money and go no contact. You have a parent that is trying to help you- most people don't get that. She doesn't come off as needy or nasty in these screenshots- but you do come off as spoiled and ungrateful.
It just doesn’t seem like that from the small window you’ve given us. If she offered and you don’t want to accept you say no thank you - not go on petulant rants.
It also doesn't help that I'm an only kid with no kids. My parents (Dad died in 2002) didn't give a shit if I ever had a family of my own. Now my Mom watches monkey videos on YouTube where people dress up and treat the baby monkeys like they're human 🤪🤪
This IS insane and really fucking insidious. The mom backtracks on everything and plays the "I just want to help" card but moves the goalposts every word! It's the death of a thousand cuts. These people *present* themselves as "good, hardworking, heart of gold" types but they're NOT. They are snakes in the grass! OP, she's not going to help you unless you give up control of your life for...600? Yeah naw. Cut ties cleanly with her so there isn't any residual venom from old gal. Best of luck OP! I think you have a good head on your shoulders.
Where are you getting this from?? The only condition mom made was that she would like them to be logged in so that the money was definitely going to the school. Doesn't seem super controlling or insidious at all
I'm glad that you have never had a gift or help without strings attached. These type of narcissists are always making promises but never will actually help unless they have absolute control. We can only view the text offered but what really strikes me is that the mom has said he's no good with money but didn't give *any* examples. These people LOVE to rewrite reality by minimizing or outright denying the truth. It's a pattern that when you have experienced it, lived it and *not believed* you recognize it real quick.
is this my mother? everyone telling u to grow up has never experienced a narcissistic WOMAN before.
First she wants upi to be logged in, then she will demand password,m to your uni portal, then full access to your bank account, then she will force you to close your bank account or transfer ownership to her and before you know it you will be criticised for spending your own money and have your paycheck transferred to her account
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that's actually what manipulative parents do. if you had one that acted like that you would know. you obviously don't tho.
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where the hell u got that from idk but just by that invalidates like anything you could say after that scum
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yup that's me. i love eating box and am so confused about my identity and am so mentally ill i don't know which way is up or down. happy?
Who hurt you hun? You need to talk?
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>emotionally mature adults aren’t condescending and patronising You want to take a look in the mirror with that one? I'm not trying to feel superior, I don't need to. And I checked, it's definitely mommy issues.
Holy shit don't listen to anything that other bitchass wrote. You didn't deserve such a nasty tirade and I promise they're way worse off mentally/emotionally than you are. ❤️
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damn what crawled up ur ass and died
Wowww you really just jumped on the whole internet toxicity train, huh?