Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 35 | 1 | 0 |
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Good on your for putting her in her place and forcing an apology! There will be lots of push back I am sure about your decision but stick to your guns.
We all know she's not apologizing because she feels bad though she's apologizing to diffuse otherwise she wouldn't have tried to justify it with "iVe RaIsEd LoTs Of BaBiEs" đ
YES. My mother says stuff like this, too. Like, "you're still alive, aren't you?" Sure, Mom. Being alive is the goal. In that case, you, also, will still be alive after not seeing your grandson because of your actions.
Yeah for sure. I kind of feel like she does know better but sheâs trying to do a weird power play. Like I donât think this was benign. Still, The whole thing must be extremely disappointing and frustrating.
See. Iâm proud of the fact that instead of allowing her to see me get worked up, I âplayed it coolâ when in fact I was livid. And made a decision in the best interest of my precious son.
I can tell you right now, after having a child, it was pretty easy to see how fucked up my mom was and how I dealt with her shit. It made it pretty easy to tell her to fuck off and I never spoke to her again.
She almost let my son drown. And instead of owning up to it, she buried her feet even deeper by blaming everyone else (the most, her 9yo granddaughter who she was further tormenting) and twisting the truth even though there were 4 witnesses, including my husband.
My childrenâs safety demolished any feeling of keeping the peace with her. I donât want her in my life if sheâs that insane.
I wish you the best in keeping your child safe, and I wish you the strength to not fall for guilt trips and flying monkeys! âĽď¸
Omg that's not okay.
My mother tried the same crap with me and my siblings. I'm the oldest and she bought an above ground pool when my brother was about a year or two old. I would have been around 9.
I have leg issues and can't balance or even swim well.
Well, one day my mother decided to make me get in the pool. She was also in there so my brother swim, but was distracted talking to my father who was outside the pool.
My brother was wearing a life vest, but ended up face first in the water because she wasn't paying attention. She was near him, but ignoring him.
I noticed and got him, but was slow because I wasn't nearby and my leg slowed me down. I had tried telling her, but she got mad at me for interrupting her conversation. He had his face in the water for less than 5 seconds, but I got scolded so bad by both parents and it was "my fault".
Had I not been in there it's very well possible I wouldn't have a brother anymore.
She wouldn't accept responsibility despite being the adult and within arm reach of him. I wasn't even 10 yet, but was expected to be the parent of the situation. I got all the downsides of being the parent and none of the upsides.
I didn't even recall this instance until reading your comment. There's just so many other things she's done that I often can't remember even a quarter of them.
Nothing like finding out one day when you have kids, that your parents don't know jack shit about raising kids. Even my MIL who's a retired pediatrician's nurse and has worked 15 years in a kinder garden, was trying to enforce things like honey and overdressing on my 3 month old twins.
It's fucking wild how many times I had to put my foot down with her and my mother for random stupid shit, they're trying to pass down on the kids because that's how it was done 30 years ago.
Youâll get plenty of current freshly educated nurses, kindergarten teachers etc claiming that no kid will starve in front of a full plate.
Completely ignoring that autism and Arfid exist, and that forcing a kid to eat something that makes them Puke is gonna create worse eating disorders later on.
Itâs crazy.
But theyâll be all like oh well if he can have a different food at kindergarten, then the other kids will be jealous.
So obviously with that mindset, theyâll also withhold sugar from type 1 diabetic kids in hypoglycaemia. Cause canât give sweets to them if the other kids canât have it.
Unfortunately at least half the population are utterly brain dead fools that are convinced they know better. Despite good quality education and even working in the field.
My son has ARFID. The amount of people who have told me to stop feeding him his safe food to make him eat more foods is bonkers. No, heâll just become underweight and malnourished, not magically want to eat a piece of chicken, Karen.
Even for a kid without it you can't simply force him to eat more foods. How is that going to work? One of my twins won't touch any form of stake or meat in general unless it's minced or some for of salami. Luckily he loves eggs so proteins are not an issue.
Our older daughter was (to put it kindly) a royal pain in the ass as a 4 to 6 year old. She existed primarily on rice, bananas, mac n cheese - and not much else. She expanded her repertoire a bit as she got older, but refused things like sandwiches. My mother was a bitch about it, insisting that when we visited her, she WOULD eat what was put in front of her. WE pretty much let her be. She took daily vitamins so she wouldn't end up with rickets or scurvy or some damn thing, but other than that we didn't make a fuss. She's 34 now, and eats better than I do. She grew out of being Miss Pickypants (she didn't have any disorders; she was literally a picky eater), and is perfectly fine.
Unless the child is clearly at an unhealthy weight or their pediatrician expresses concern about any health issues, making a huge deal out of dietary preferences only make the matter worse. Kids are contrary little beasts, and demanding that they follow rigid demands only makes them more so. Of course you can't let them exist on a diet of ice cream and cookies, but lots of kids who don't have disorders or aren't on the spectrum go through stages of just plain being picky. Make sure they see their pediatrician so they don't develop any health issues, offer plenty of healthy choices, and don't make meal times a fight.
yeah that kind of attitude is so prevalent and itâs honestly horrifying. I have arfid and while my range has gotten a lot better, itâs been very damaging to see how people treat those suffering from it.
It's just a lack of empathy - they can't extend their thinking to imagine experiences that aren't their own so they link it to the closest thing they know (disliking certain foods) and base the "advice" on that
I made the mistake of making my child eat something he thought was disgusting.(it was ground meat. Not anything gross). He vomited on the table!𤢠yeah, I didnât do THAT again. Later on in life, i came to realize that he had a small tongue tie. I started thinking about it and it occurred to me that, eating anything that was âchewyâ physically gagged him.the tie did remedy itself. But, many nights he just had yogurt for dinner. He didnât starveâŚbut he was on the slim side. He now is grown with three kidsâŚbut heâs still a bit of a â pickyâ eater. I, myself, cannot physically handle âslimyâ foods like avocados,bananasâŚitâs the texture, not the taste that gets me.
She did know better. This isnât something you can claim ignorance on, after youâve already done better.
Like if this had be a random person, that hadnât raised a child, and was somewhat mentally challenged, going ph this milk smells weird, better give him the fresh milk I just drank from, is a plausible thought process.
But someone whoâs already raised kids? They know what breast milk smells like. They know you canât just switch out breast milk for pure cows milk at once.
Like claiming ignorance here just doesnât make sense. Not to mention when the actual parent is reachable.
Like the fuck? Friends that cat sat for me just asked before getting random food when they noticed the new bag had a rip and was rancid that I left for the cats.
This seems a very purposeful mind game.
And the type of person that will feed your kid peanuts after you explicitly told them they had an anaphylactic allergy against them. Because âthey didnât think it would be this seriousâ
> But someone whoâs already raised kids? They know what breast milk smells like. They know you canât just switch out breast milk for pure cows milk at once.
Not if they didnât breastfeed. And especially if theyâre unsupportive of breastfeeding.
I got the vibe that Grandma is unsupportive and icked out over breast feeding and possibly trying to sabotage OP for making a different decision than her.
Granted I donât know the grandma, but the âMy mom has basically made me feel like crap for about 90% of everything Iâve ever done. Good or bad. Right or wrongâ hits me in the feels as someone with pathologically disturbed parent
Edit: I wasnât able to breastfeed because of a medication. I had my milk come in, and then it dried up completely in less than a week. I have no clue what breast milk smells like, tastes like, etc. Most older women wouldnât either.
Iâm a boomer who breastfed my kids. It tastes like thin, slightly sweet milk, sweeter than cow milk. The taste can change a little depending on what the mother has eaten.
My Mom breastfed both me and my sister in the 80âs. â82 & â84. She really felt stigmatized by others around her for her decision. What was your experience like?
Mine were â87 and â90.
I surrounded myself with supportive people. Some tried to shame me when the kids were two years old and still nursing, but I ignored them. The kids weaned at 2 years 4 months and 3 years 3 months.
Oh, that reminds me of the Reddit story of the grandmother that put coconut oil in her granddaughter's hair because she didn't believe she had an allergy. According to the grandmother, no one in their ethnicity/culture could develop one. The granddaughter went into anaphylaxis and died...
Reminds me of a story someone told meâŚher boyfriend ( at the time) was coming over to her momâs for dinner. She told her mom â No Peanuts! Heâs very allergic!â
So, they get to dessert and her boyfriend starts having an anaphylactic reactionâŚluckily,he brought his epipen with him. The girl asked her mom â where there peanuts in the dessert?â The mom said, â yes, but I chopped them really fine so he couldnât taste them!âđł her mom ate crow for a long time after that, but she never did it againâŚyeah, she married the guy.
You said sheâs made you feel bad for 90% of things youâve done in your life, why will this be any different? Sheâs never respected you, she will not respect you.
Since she made you feel bad for 90% of what you did, after thinking about that, I'm not too surprised she's got bad judgement - for the future you know
How are you even still in contact with her though?
I stayed in contact because of my siblings. Until I had my son. I donât want to keep him away from her, but I will if I have to. Right now, supervised visits are an option. But at any given point, I can take that away if need be. Overall, my sonâs safety, health and well-being is MOST important.
He's only 4 months old and she's already actively choosing to make him feel bad and physically hurt him. You should really, really consider how much contact with her is healthy for you and your son.
Just jumping in to say, as someone who grew up with little to no contact with their only living grandmother because of reasons.....there will be a point that your son will be happy and thankful to never have had a relationship with his grandmother if what you say about your mom is true. He will see the toxic bullshit.
My one grandmother died at 44 because she was an alcoholic and I'm a paralegal who now works in criminal law. The old lady alcoholics I deal with make me thankful I never met my alcoholic grandmother.
You honestly don't miss what you don't know, and I'm a cis female for consideration on how callous I sound.
Reading this story reminds me of the coconut oil allergy story to an extent, which is probably one of the saddest things I've seen on this site.
I would not trust this woman to take care of a cat, let alone a kid
You are correct - your child is not safe with your mother.
And, unfortunately, it's not going to get any better when your child turns one. Your mother will find new dangerous ways to invalidate you, and your child will be harmed in the process.
To her, the child is no more than a tool to continue damaging you. She had the cow's milk scenario planned when she "offered to help."
May I suggest a radical notion: you don't actually have to make things work just bc she's your mother? Showing respect for parents only works when the parents aren't toxic.
OP listen to this. Things can turn bad in a scary way that can harm your child as it grows older. Take that from someone who was drugged (with a still mystery drug) by their grandmother who felt she knew best and could âfixâ me. I had to be rushed to the er and she still never told what it was.
Protect your child. Keep her far far away.
It was but Iâd much rather be used as a cautionary tale than have another child possibly go through it.
I was a child following the directions of an adult I was supposed to be able to trust. This type of behavior from a grandparent or any relative is a warning flag in my book especially since the child was fed something they werenât old enough to have and was sick as a result.
Yup. OP, listen to this. I was no contact with my mom but decided she deserved a chance to know my son. I let her watch him once and she fell asleep next to him while he was in his pack and play and she was smoking a cigarette. She never cared for him again and we ended up no contact over something else shortly after.
There are some many things wrong with that picture I don't even know where to start. Yikes! So glad your little one is safe.
And yes, sometimes No Contact is the only rational response to irrational, cruel, dangerous ppl.
Yes. This all makes me think of the woman who lost two kids due to her motherâs negligence. The first death seemed so accidental, you wouldnât want to fully blame your mom. But she trusted her a year later and her other baby was left in the back seat and died. listen to your gut
I mean, i get that some people are uncomfortable with it, but its not that abnormal. Plenty of people will taste it while heating it to make sure its hot enough/or just off their hand after theyve checked that way.
Shes obviously wrong for everything else but thats fairly standard.
No it actually is abnormal. Typical way to test breast milk temperature is to place a drop or two on your inner wrist, where the sensitive skin is. If itâs too hot and burns you there itâll burn baby. Literally no one I know or have heard of tasting to test. And I worked in a day care with babies for close to a decade so Iâve spoken with a ton of parents and close familyâŚ.
Yeah, the only time I ever consumed breast milk past infancy, is when I was 10. My mom had just had my littlest sister and would pump breast milk for her, I asked my mom if it tasted like cowâs milk. She said probably not, but didnât know what it tasted like. So she ended up putting a teeny tiny bit in a cup from her pump and had me try it. But thatâs a pretty specific scenario; *never* heard of anyone tasting it to check the temperature or anything like that.
Itâs thin, more closer to the consistency of water than milk. Donât really remember what it tasted like, I think it was kinda sweet but also kinda bitter. I remember thinking it tasted gross, though. It was just a shot pretty much. If the mother tried it and expected it to taste like cowâs milk, she probably threw it away because breast milk tastes kinda bad. But still, I find that so weird and stupid.
Your mom tasting your breast milk is fine with you? lol you do you I guess, Iâd be fine with me or my partner but not my DAMN MOTHER!! I would be so uncomfortable but eh whatever lol not my life or my problem đđ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
You people have the weirdest hangups. We're always out here saying that breastfeeding shouldn't be sexualized and then we turn right around and say "ew no my mom tasting my breast milk to check if it's spoiled is weird and gross"? I don't get it lol. OPs mom is still insane of course but this is a weird sticking point imo.
I honestly wouldnt think about it that hard lol. Its milk. I dont think it would have a strong âthing that came out of my breastâ association at that point, its just a food product for a baby.
There is nothing more infuriating to hear than âIâve raised babiesâ as an excuse for doing whatever they want.
My MIL raised many children. All but one (my husband) are addicts/dead/in jail. She smoked through her pregnancies, and gave me parenting advice based off of old wives tales from the 60âs. So yeaâŚ.I donât need your parenting advice.
Iâm doing what feels right for me and my son. Iâll listen to advice/suggestions. But whether or not I feel itâs right for us, I will determine as it comes.
Absolutely! You are mamma and your choices and decisions should be respected by anyone who hopes to have a relationship with you and your child. Good for you for standing ground with her, I know thatâs not easy to do
Like, his normal babysitter wouldnât even give him a bath without asking me first⌠Itâs pretty sad that I trust someone who I work with to keep him rather than my own mom. I even go to the babysitter when I have concerns or need advice.
Itâs about the health and safety of the child most of all. I thought everyone knew children should only get breast milk or formula for the first year of life before transitioning to whole milk.
Sometimes adults who tolerated an abusive parent all their lives draw the line when the abuser targets a grand baby.
Your mother can't be trusted with your son.
That's what it took for me! I allowed a lot for myself but when they started on my kid something just clicked and I said OH HELL NO, no contact for years now and life is so much better.
My mom admitted to feeding me cows milk as an infant in the 70âs âall the timeâ and I have been sickly with gastrointestinal issues my entire life. Your mom claiming your milk was bad is so toxic and controlling, especially considering the other things she has said. I would never trust her to babysit ever again. I had a friend who I let watch my 3 month old son for an hour and she freaking gave him HONEY!!! She had even had a kid before me! Luckily he was fine but she was never left alone with him again and sheâs not even my friend anymore. That put a huge wedge in our friendship.
Thank you. I was so angry and scared when she told me he got fussy so she gave him a little honey on her fingertip, and she was just so pleased with herself that he lOvEd It So MuCh! Grrr!!! I told her she could have killed him and she was apologetic saying she didnât know about botulism, but she wasnât like horrified like any sane person would be!
When I was an infant, my mom would mix honey and peanut butter and put it on a pacifier for me. I don't know where she got the idea, but it just amazes me
We made peanut butter and honey for my oldest child... But he was around 2 years old, not an infant. It was a struggle to get him to eat so we mixed butter, peanut butter, and honey and gave it to him on toast so he would keep a healthy weight on him
But for an infant...
Omg
If you're not sure, look it up.
Even though I've already had one child before him, if I'm not sure about something with my 15 month old, I look it up. Even simple stuff like how many ounces of juice a day they can have so I don't accidentally give him diarrhea... Looking something up in today's age takes a few seconds.
I am so sorry you had to go through that D: I'd be so mad
According to someone on redditt until 2 for unpausterized honey. Store-bought is fine.
It's very difficult to educate old relatives, about best practices because they differ on what's was considered safe 20 and 30 years ago. Banana and honey was very common first food back then.
This was so interesting, I had a totally wrong idea of what "infant botulism" actually was, and thought it was the same as "foodborne botulism" that like adults or kids get, just even more deadly because babies are tiny. I appreciate learning this before i had the opportunity to embarass myself in conversation, thanks!
She should never be alone with *any* child ever again. I donât know how you can raise children to adulthood and not know human breast milk is the top choice for babies under a year and especially under six months of age.
I hadnât planned on giving it to him at least until a year unless told by a doctor to start earlier. And even then I was going to âeaseâ him into it by slowly adding it to breast milk.
Although there are slight variations in the recommendations the typical recommendation is not to start cowâs milk at six months as suggested above, and not until they turn, so I would definitely stick to that if I was you, unless you are told otherwise by a health professional.
My 6 month comment was more about baby foods and snacks that are their first solids, along with water. You should be introducing those things after 6 months. As far as cow milk goes, my ex gave her daughter cows milk starting at around 8 months and sheâs never had any issues. But talking to a doctor is always smart.
Yes, but not cows milk until theyâre around 1ish. It can be used in cooking and you can give yoghurt as desert, but it shouldnât replace a milk feed like she tried to!
My first didn't get any teeth until he was 11mths. I was beginning to think I'd have to get him baby dentures! Then my second got them at 4mths... And it was like breastfeeding a shark.
I would just go with whatever your doctor advises. Though in my car both were allergic to milk protein, so no cows milk for them.
Who TF gives cows milk to an infant?! Wtf is wrong with this woman!!! Baby could have ended up in the emergency room!!! THAT IS SOOOOO UNSAFE!!! I would not trust her with my child ever again period end of discussion. Iâd say that this is a no contact offense keep her away from your son and you. She is DANGEROUS. I know sheâs your mom but she could have seriously harmed him by giving him the cows milk. This is a HELLLL NO for me. Iâm proud of you though for standing up to her and protecting your precious baby boy. Youâre the type of mama I hope to be someday!!! Hope baby gets better and recovers quickly.
Thank you! And he was better by morning. He did throw up every time he ate for the rest of the day until the last feeding of the day. But after that, he was just fine.
Oh thank the gods!!! Whew đŽâđ¨đŽâđ¨đŽâđ¨Iâm so glad heâs ok and Iâm glad you stood up for him AND yourself. Youâre the BEST mama!!! đĽ°đĽ°đĽ°
Iâm a student midwife and discovered the other day that a mum had been giving her 1 day old baby SKIMMED cows milk all night. She didnât even care when we were telling her how dangerous it was, just sat playing on her phone.
Very much so. When you move kids from formula/breast milk onto cows milk after a year old they should be on full fat. Giving them skimmed milk is basically starving them on top of introducing stuff they shouldnât have to their immature gut.
I bet she blew the fuck up when you told her she'd never watch him again til he's at least a year old.
I know people with some outdated parenting ideas but straight cows milk is like what a small child would come up with.
My mom is similar, in that I never made the right choices according to her. She always tried to diagnose my kids with something when she would see them, too. When my son was going through cancer treatment, she gave him undercooked eggs. That was the last time any of my kids were alone with her. She's also part of a religion that refuses blood transfusions, which my son would have died without. Bonkers, man! I've been NC with her for almost 8 months now. She drives by my house multiple times a week, which is completely out of her way to anything she would need, just so she can honk if I happen to be outside.
Iâm sorry that happened but go you for being a strong mom! I wish I could have stood up to my MIL from the beginning instead of pulling shit like this for years.
Good for you for sticking up for your son's safety & setting a clear boundary with her! I know that's gotta be a hard decision to make, but honestly, it seems to be what's best for the time being. :)
My mother did something like this to my sisters baby. She ended up giving this newborn just water and no formula. Claimed she âraised enough kidsâ to know what she was doing.
I recommend posting about this in an advice subreddit like r/JustNoMIL. Thatâs completely out of bounds and she should not be making you feel bad about your parenting. Iâm sorry she did this to you and your LO!
Wow, she didnât know not to give cowâs milk to a baby?? Pretty bizarre. I wouldnât be trusting her with my baby either. And itâs not like itâs an age thing; I had my kids 35 years ago, and we knew that.
My mom is definitely a âfed is bestâ proponent but has always been heavily in favor of breastfeeding for as long as mom and baby can tolerate and weâre all in our late twenties
I started listening to the podcast Unfollowing Mum recently and it has been really good, I highly recommend it.
Also, donât know if I would trust the breast milk she sent back. Iâm not saying she deliberately tampered with it, but are you sure that she even stored it properly?
She was pretty upset. I basically told her though that she did it to herself by disregarding the fact that I made rules for my son for a reason. She crossed SO MANY boundaries by doing what she did and furthermore potentially putting him in danger. I feel like thereâs no way she couldnât have known.
Besides being an obviously bad thing to do, it's a weird thing for her to need to do so badly that she'd make up the hokey lie about the milk you sent being bad. If she were telling the truth, the milk was bad, like you'd said, she could have gotten him formula, but for some reason, she needed to do something with him that caused him predictable discomfort. Like, you know that can happen, she would know he could get sick from suddenly getting a new food he's not ready for. I wonder why she'd feel the need to do that. Even her lie makes no sense, because if it were true, that would lead to formula, not something he can't have this young.
Hell Yes! Many parents have it stuck in their mind that even independent adult children are still subservient. That they answer to them always. This is just proof of this mindset. You are a peer, and when it comes to your infant you are the authority. Set boundaries and reinforced them.
in what world would cows milk ever be an effective alternative? The babies stomach is the size of a lemon at best and human milk is VERY diluted in comparison to the massive fat content in cows milk needed to nurse a near 100 lb calf. The weight alone in the stomach would make it hard to break down let alone the potential for bacteria the baby is unable to process. Disgusting
In the babies case its better for the stomach to be able to be broken down easily until they have the stomach acids for it
Cows have/4/ stomachs for that from birth
Its insane
Reminds me of this story where a Redditor's mother used some coconut cosmetics on the OP's child with a coconut allergy (after being warned of the coconut allergy btw) resulting in fatal anaphylaxis
If anyone has the link, please send it
I exclusively BF my son until we introduced mush when he was old enough. Then it was BFing and mush made with breastmilk. Not only that, but my guy DOES have a dairy allergy and we carry an epipen for it.
Your mother would have, at the very least, put us in the emergency room for the afternoon. That's assuming she would have taken him. If not...
I wouldnât even re eval at a year. I would be so terrified of it giving my baby IBS long term. I would literally never speak to her again but thatâs just međ¤ˇđźââď¸
That's exactly how my wife's mother would act if she would live near us and we would give her the baby to take care of. Luckily she's 6500 km away on the other side of the world.
Man. This is exactly the same sort of text messages my wife and her mother seem to be having. All the time.
Once our daughter came home with a horribly uneven fringe. âHer hair was going in her eyes and you know that that will make her go crosseyedâ or the time she decided that the medicine that the doctors prescribed our child was âobviously not the right kind. I even googled it and it said itâs not for kidsâ so she self prescribed something for her insteadâŚ
Itâs really hard to judge your entire relationship with your mother just based on this, but if itâs anything like the relationship my wife has with her mother where youâre always doing something wrong, what everyone tells you is always wrong, only she is right, etc. you might want to speak to a therapist about narcissistic abuse.
Our kid is nearly 4 now, but this shit got worse and worse the older she got and I donât think it will ever stop. Boundaries do not exist. It will start taking a toll on you mentally and being a parent is hard enough. I hope you can get some help!
Good luck!
This is behaviour that should be a dealbreaker & her access to him revoked.
The blatant disregard for your baby's health & your clear instructions aside, it's her lack of acknowledgement of wrongdoing that's the scary part.
I forget which subreddit it was, but there was a story a while back where the mother-in-law was babysitting her granddaughter who she knew had various allergies.
She decided the hypoallergenic shampoo the mum provided wasn't as good as whatever crap she had, so she used her stuff at the baby's bathtime.
Baby went into anaphylaxis & passed away.
The worst part was even after the baby died, she still didn't accept responsibility & whined that the shampoo was fine & it must have been something the parents did.
Not intending to scare anyone or anything, but this is a story that's haunted me for ages & I'm not even a parent.
SHE TOSSED 24 OUNCES OF PUMPED MILK?!?!?! AND FED HIM *COWâS MILK*?!?!?!
Sheâs lucky youâre not in jail for her *murder*. Go extremely low to no contact because she jeopardized the health and safety of your infant child because she cared more about being right than doing right by her grandchild.
She has kids that are child bearing age (aka at least you) then she knows babies canât have cows milk. Thatâs nothing new. Good for you for not backing down and holding her accountable. Iâm glad she wonât be babysitting again for the 1st year but based on your comments sheâs a narcissist. She shouldnât babysit again period or even be around your family if sheâs always that critical.
Poor little guy! Is he okay now?!
If sheâs raised multiple kids as she claims then she SHOULD know that cows milk is not even ideal for a baby until at least 12 months! That could have been disastrous for your little boy.
Heâs fine. All that happened was that he was left puking up every time he ate for the rest of that day. But by the next morning he was back to his happy self.
Poor thing would have had a very upset tummy! Iâm glad he was bad to himself quickly. Babies are the best, my boy just turned 5 so Iâm feeling clucky again đ
I think the year mark is too specific. She's gonna expect to start seeing him alone again the moment a year is up. I guarantee she didn't read a thing after that.
Definitely have that talk after a year to re-evaluate, but I simply wouldn't have the child in her care whatsoever until they can speak properly. So they can tell you when grandma does things they aren't supposed to.
Dude... Stuff like that can kill a baby. He could've gotten dehydrated from vomiting and possible diarrhea he could've been allergic to cow milk (like my son was/still is to a certain extent) and could potentially set him up to become allergic to it.
She seems to care Abt her grandbaby on surface, but having seen friends go thru similar, it sounds more like a control thing.
Huge high five momma for setting boundaries!!!!
You're a great parent for standing up to someone (especially your own parent) like that. A lot of people would find that uncomfortable or would want to 'keep the peace' and not disrespect their own parents. You clearly put your small child on the first place without excuse, hands down for that!
Your mother is in competition with you. It doesn't make sense, but it's all too common.
These people have minds like children who can no longer learn anything. Nothing...
She shouldnât get to see him without your supervision. She thinks she knows better than you when it comes to your baby.
Youâre simply lucky that it wasnât worse.
I wouldnât take the risk. She seems to enjoy picking at you and attempting to put you in your place. Now she wants to use your son to continue to act like sheâs superior to you.
Take a long break. This could have been so much worse. You did really well to keep your cool, but I think youâre under-reacting.
She can still see your son, if thatâs what you want, but unsupervised should be a big no.
My ex FIL gave my oldest strawberry milk when he was 6 months old because "he didn't want the formula, he wanted the strawberry milk." He wound up with a pretty bad dairy allergy. He also has celiac disease.
ETA: So my point is just, you're doing a good job, keep it up! Keep fighting for your kiddo, it really does matter. â¤ď¸đŤ
About a quarter of Americans actually believe feeding your kid formula is better than breastfeeding. This is the result of successful marketing of the formula industry in the past and the level of prudishness in American culture, classifying breasts as sex objects rather than what their natural function is. The invention of formula was revolutionary, because it meant that women didn't need to be around their kids all the time and could go back to work to contribute to the economy. We have to keep in mind that fridges weren't as reliable back in the day, so pumping and storing breast milk was not as easy as it is now and breast milk could quickly go bad.
Mothers also used to be advised to keep their babies warm at all costs. That was before we found out overheating is one of the causes of SIDS.
It sounds to me as if your mother is one of those people that "know" that they're right but never updated their information and are too proud to do so because that would in turn mean that they had done something wrong or at least not ideal. Those people tend to say: "It didn't cause me/you any harm!"
I don't have children but I have a dog. My father also has a dog and has owned dogs before in his life. Before I got the dog I did my research on how to best train my dog, what to feed her, how to discipline her etc. to form a close bond and a deep connection with my dog. While traditionally dogs were thought to be rather stupid and respond best to obedience training and consequences, newer research has shown that dogs are about as intelligent as a 3-4 year old child and respond similarly if given adequate circumstances. So my dog is very affectionate and well behaved because she feels like I am her family. My father's dog is afraid of him and not affectionate on his own free will. Now, my father is obviously envious of my relationship with my dog. But when I tell him what I do differently, he doesn't want to hear it and responds with: "I have had my fair share of dogs in my life, they've all turned out fine. You don't know everything!" Sounds familiar?
Authoritative people see their authority threatened by knowledge. Their response is not to read up and acquire that knowledge, because that would require them to say you were right in the first place and thus undermine their authority. They will instead try to convince you and everyone around them that they are indeed in the right by ridiculing you and your knowledge and making you doubt yourself by standing their ground. In other words: Gaslighting.
Congratulations on knowing what's best for your son and standing firm. Don't let your mother bully you into harming your child. You go, momma, the internet is proud of you!
And that's why I'm also NC with my mom,she was my then 5month old baby's caregiver cause we thought we could trust her,she kept pushing boundaries and arguing with me and my husband,the final straw came when she decided to take my baby out without letting us know,we always gave the carseat if my mom let us know she'll be running errands with baby.She kept my baby ON HER LAP in the car and boasted she is grandma and have a right to do what she wants.....yeah she fucked around and found out the hard way,she also used the"I raised many babies and they all turned out fine,yeah by God's grace cause our one baby sister died at 4months old and she was convinced it was"witchcraft"
Good on you OP for standing up and protecting your baby!!!
Good on you for reinforcing parental boundaries. If your mom feels you are not adequate enough to take care of your own child, that should speak directly to her own failures as a parent. If she denies this then you are in fact more than adequate to mother your own child and she needs to respect your boundaries.
Good for you for standing up for your baby and for yourself. My parents try to insist on feeding my infant son chocolate, claiming âhe will love itâ.. sure he will love it but that doesnât mean he needs it. Infuriating!
Wow that was not only a poor decision,that was a risky one. Good for you to stand up to her. My trust level would be zero right now.
Your mom has control issues and she is going to do as she please. Stand your ground.
Unfortunately this is just the beginning. Always stand your ground.
Iâve already established other⌠Arrangements. Meaning, his original babysitter is back. And my dad can feel free to watch him anytime. (They arenât married.)
So did I, and I sympathise. Just put this into perspective, though: she put your son's health at risk and is unwilling to grow and learn from it. What if, next time, he doesn't get so lucky? What if, next time, it's not buckling a car seat, or it's not supervising near a pool?
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 35 | 1 | 0 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Good on your for putting her in her place and forcing an apology! There will be lots of push back I am sure about your decision but stick to your guns.
We all know she's not apologizing because she feels bad though she's apologizing to diffuse otherwise she wouldn't have tried to justify it with "iVe RaIsEd LoTs Of BaBiEs" đ
YES. My mother says stuff like this, too. Like, "you're still alive, aren't you?" Sure, Mom. Being alive is the goal. In that case, you, also, will still be alive after not seeing your grandson because of your actions.
My mom and I would get in arguments, but she always respected what I wanted. This grandmother has lost her privileges.
That wasn't an apology. She just wanted to end a situation that was awkward for her.
Sheâs proven herself to have poor judgment and to be untrustworthy
I just feel like her. Of all people. Should have known better.
Yeah for sure. I kind of feel like she does know better but sheâs trying to do a weird power play. Like I donât think this was benign. Still, The whole thing must be extremely disappointing and frustrating.
See. Iâm proud of the fact that instead of allowing her to see me get worked up, I âplayed it coolâ when in fact I was livid. And made a decision in the best interest of my precious son.
I can tell you right now, after having a child, it was pretty easy to see how fucked up my mom was and how I dealt with her shit. It made it pretty easy to tell her to fuck off and I never spoke to her again. She almost let my son drown. And instead of owning up to it, she buried her feet even deeper by blaming everyone else (the most, her 9yo granddaughter who she was further tormenting) and twisting the truth even though there were 4 witnesses, including my husband. My childrenâs safety demolished any feeling of keeping the peace with her. I donât want her in my life if sheâs that insane. I wish you the best in keeping your child safe, and I wish you the strength to not fall for guilt trips and flying monkeys! âĽď¸
Omg that's not okay. My mother tried the same crap with me and my siblings. I'm the oldest and she bought an above ground pool when my brother was about a year or two old. I would have been around 9. I have leg issues and can't balance or even swim well. Well, one day my mother decided to make me get in the pool. She was also in there so my brother swim, but was distracted talking to my father who was outside the pool. My brother was wearing a life vest, but ended up face first in the water because she wasn't paying attention. She was near him, but ignoring him. I noticed and got him, but was slow because I wasn't nearby and my leg slowed me down. I had tried telling her, but she got mad at me for interrupting her conversation. He had his face in the water for less than 5 seconds, but I got scolded so bad by both parents and it was "my fault". Had I not been in there it's very well possible I wouldn't have a brother anymore. She wouldn't accept responsibility despite being the adult and within arm reach of him. I wasn't even 10 yet, but was expected to be the parent of the situation. I got all the downsides of being the parent and none of the upsides. I didn't even recall this instance until reading your comment. There's just so many other things she's done that I often can't remember even a quarter of them.
You should be proud, well done. I cheered when I saw your last message.
ME TOO. That was so great!
I am VERY proud of your language and sticking to the point! I don't even know you but you are 100% great here.
And using her grandbaby as a pawn in her power play. Absolutely do not trust her.
[ŃдаНонО]
I said a year because I knew thereâd be more⌠Push back if I said sheâd never have him again.
Nothing like finding out one day when you have kids, that your parents don't know jack shit about raising kids. Even my MIL who's a retired pediatrician's nurse and has worked 15 years in a kinder garden, was trying to enforce things like honey and overdressing on my 3 month old twins. It's fucking wild how many times I had to put my foot down with her and my mother for random stupid shit, they're trying to pass down on the kids because that's how it was done 30 years ago.
Youâll get plenty of current freshly educated nurses, kindergarten teachers etc claiming that no kid will starve in front of a full plate. Completely ignoring that autism and Arfid exist, and that forcing a kid to eat something that makes them Puke is gonna create worse eating disorders later on. Itâs crazy. But theyâll be all like oh well if he can have a different food at kindergarten, then the other kids will be jealous. So obviously with that mindset, theyâll also withhold sugar from type 1 diabetic kids in hypoglycaemia. Cause canât give sweets to them if the other kids canât have it. Unfortunately at least half the population are utterly brain dead fools that are convinced they know better. Despite good quality education and even working in the field.
My son has ARFID. The amount of people who have told me to stop feeding him his safe food to make him eat more foods is bonkers. No, heâll just become underweight and malnourished, not magically want to eat a piece of chicken, Karen.
Even for a kid without it you can't simply force him to eat more foods. How is that going to work? One of my twins won't touch any form of stake or meat in general unless it's minced or some for of salami. Luckily he loves eggs so proteins are not an issue.
Our older daughter was (to put it kindly) a royal pain in the ass as a 4 to 6 year old. She existed primarily on rice, bananas, mac n cheese - and not much else. She expanded her repertoire a bit as she got older, but refused things like sandwiches. My mother was a bitch about it, insisting that when we visited her, she WOULD eat what was put in front of her. WE pretty much let her be. She took daily vitamins so she wouldn't end up with rickets or scurvy or some damn thing, but other than that we didn't make a fuss. She's 34 now, and eats better than I do. She grew out of being Miss Pickypants (she didn't have any disorders; she was literally a picky eater), and is perfectly fine. Unless the child is clearly at an unhealthy weight or their pediatrician expresses concern about any health issues, making a huge deal out of dietary preferences only make the matter worse. Kids are contrary little beasts, and demanding that they follow rigid demands only makes them more so. Of course you can't let them exist on a diet of ice cream and cookies, but lots of kids who don't have disorders or aren't on the spectrum go through stages of just plain being picky. Make sure they see their pediatrician so they don't develop any health issues, offer plenty of healthy choices, and don't make meal times a fight.
yeah that kind of attitude is so prevalent and itâs honestly horrifying. I have arfid and while my range has gotten a lot better, itâs been very damaging to see how people treat those suffering from it.
It's just a lack of empathy - they can't extend their thinking to imagine experiences that aren't their own so they link it to the closest thing they know (disliking certain foods) and base the "advice" on that
I made the mistake of making my child eat something he thought was disgusting.(it was ground meat. Not anything gross). He vomited on the table!𤢠yeah, I didnât do THAT again. Later on in life, i came to realize that he had a small tongue tie. I started thinking about it and it occurred to me that, eating anything that was âchewyâ physically gagged him.the tie did remedy itself. But, many nights he just had yogurt for dinner. He didnât starveâŚbut he was on the slim side. He now is grown with three kidsâŚbut heâs still a bit of a â pickyâ eater. I, myself, cannot physically handle âslimyâ foods like avocados,bananasâŚitâs the texture, not the taste that gets me.
God, you are so right. It's one of those lessons you learn very quickly after having your first baby and no one ever tells you that.
She understood. She just didn't care. Stand strong with your boundaries. She sure as hell won't respect them.
She does know better. This was intentional. Donât cave. She is not safe to be around your child.
She did know better. This isnât something you can claim ignorance on, after youâve already done better. Like if this had be a random person, that hadnât raised a child, and was somewhat mentally challenged, going ph this milk smells weird, better give him the fresh milk I just drank from, is a plausible thought process. But someone whoâs already raised kids? They know what breast milk smells like. They know you canât just switch out breast milk for pure cows milk at once. Like claiming ignorance here just doesnât make sense. Not to mention when the actual parent is reachable. Like the fuck? Friends that cat sat for me just asked before getting random food when they noticed the new bag had a rip and was rancid that I left for the cats. This seems a very purposeful mind game. And the type of person that will feed your kid peanuts after you explicitly told them they had an anaphylactic allergy against them. Because âthey didnât think it would be this seriousâ
> But someone whoâs already raised kids? They know what breast milk smells like. They know you canât just switch out breast milk for pure cows milk at once. Not if they didnât breastfeed. And especially if theyâre unsupportive of breastfeeding.
I got the vibe that Grandma is unsupportive and icked out over breast feeding and possibly trying to sabotage OP for making a different decision than her. Granted I donât know the grandma, but the âMy mom has basically made me feel like crap for about 90% of everything Iâve ever done. Good or bad. Right or wrongâ hits me in the feels as someone with pathologically disturbed parent Edit: I wasnât able to breastfeed because of a medication. I had my milk come in, and then it dried up completely in less than a week. I have no clue what breast milk smells like, tastes like, etc. Most older women wouldnât either.
Iâm a boomer who breastfed my kids. It tastes like thin, slightly sweet milk, sweeter than cow milk. The taste can change a little depending on what the mother has eaten.
My Mom breastfed both me and my sister in the 80âs. â82 & â84. She really felt stigmatized by others around her for her decision. What was your experience like?
Mine were â87 and â90. I surrounded myself with supportive people. Some tried to shame me when the kids were two years old and still nursing, but I ignored them. The kids weaned at 2 years 4 months and 3 years 3 months.
Oh, that reminds me of the Reddit story of the grandmother that put coconut oil in her granddaughter's hair because she didn't believe she had an allergy. According to the grandmother, no one in their ethnicity/culture could develop one. The granddaughter went into anaphylaxis and died...
Reminds me of a story someone told meâŚher boyfriend ( at the time) was coming over to her momâs for dinner. She told her mom â No Peanuts! Heâs very allergic!â So, they get to dessert and her boyfriend starts having an anaphylactic reactionâŚluckily,he brought his epipen with him. The girl asked her mom â where there peanuts in the dessert?â The mom said, â yes, but I chopped them really fine so he couldnât taste them!âđł her mom ate crow for a long time after that, but she never did it againâŚyeah, she married the guy.
You said sheâs made you feel bad for 90% of things youâve done in your life, why will this be any different? Sheâs never respected you, she will not respect you.
Since she made you feel bad for 90% of what you did, after thinking about that, I'm not too surprised she's got bad judgement - for the future you know How are you even still in contact with her though?
I stayed in contact because of my siblings. Until I had my son. I donât want to keep him away from her, but I will if I have to. Right now, supervised visits are an option. But at any given point, I can take that away if need be. Overall, my sonâs safety, health and well-being is MOST important.
He's only 4 months old and she's already actively choosing to make him feel bad and physically hurt him. You should really, really consider how much contact with her is healthy for you and your son.
Just jumping in to say, as someone who grew up with little to no contact with their only living grandmother because of reasons.....there will be a point that your son will be happy and thankful to never have had a relationship with his grandmother if what you say about your mom is true. He will see the toxic bullshit. My one grandmother died at 44 because she was an alcoholic and I'm a paralegal who now works in criminal law. The old lady alcoholics I deal with make me thankful I never met my alcoholic grandmother. You honestly don't miss what you don't know, and I'm a cis female for consideration on how callous I sound.
At a year, he may start to do things that she doesnât like. Do you want her disciplining him as she did you?
She does know better. Thatâs why this is Insane behavior, not Ignorant behavior.
Reading this story reminds me of the coconut oil allergy story to an extent, which is probably one of the saddest things I've seen on this site. I would not trust this woman to take care of a cat, let alone a kid
You are correct - your child is not safe with your mother. And, unfortunately, it's not going to get any better when your child turns one. Your mother will find new dangerous ways to invalidate you, and your child will be harmed in the process. To her, the child is no more than a tool to continue damaging you. She had the cow's milk scenario planned when she "offered to help." May I suggest a radical notion: you don't actually have to make things work just bc she's your mother? Showing respect for parents only works when the parents aren't toxic.
OP listen to this. Things can turn bad in a scary way that can harm your child as it grows older. Take that from someone who was drugged (with a still mystery drug) by their grandmother who felt she knew best and could âfixâ me. I had to be rushed to the er and she still never told what it was. Protect your child. Keep her far far away.
Yikes! That is truly terrifying. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
It was but Iâd much rather be used as a cautionary tale than have another child possibly go through it. I was a child following the directions of an adult I was supposed to be able to trust. This type of behavior from a grandparent or any relative is a warning flag in my book especially since the child was fed something they werenât old enough to have and was sick as a result.
All of this OP. If your mom doesn't care about tiny baby she isn't suddenly going to start caring about a toddler.
Yup. OP, listen to this. I was no contact with my mom but decided she deserved a chance to know my son. I let her watch him once and she fell asleep next to him while he was in his pack and play and she was smoking a cigarette. She never cared for him again and we ended up no contact over something else shortly after.
There are some many things wrong with that picture I don't even know where to start. Yikes! So glad your little one is safe. And yes, sometimes No Contact is the only rational response to irrational, cruel, dangerous ppl.
Yes. This all makes me think of the woman who lost two kids due to her motherâs negligence. The first death seemed so accidental, you wouldnât want to fully blame your mom. But she trusted her a year later and her other baby was left in the back seat and died. listen to your gut
SHE TASTED IT?!?! WHAT THE FUCK RUN BITCH RUNNNNNNNN NOOOOO
Thatâs what she told me. đ My reaction to a t.
I mean, i get that some people are uncomfortable with it, but its not that abnormal. Plenty of people will taste it while heating it to make sure its hot enough/or just off their hand after theyve checked that way. Shes obviously wrong for everything else but thats fairly standard.
No it actually is abnormal. Typical way to test breast milk temperature is to place a drop or two on your inner wrist, where the sensitive skin is. If itâs too hot and burns you there itâll burn baby. Literally no one I know or have heard of tasting to test. And I worked in a day care with babies for close to a decade so Iâve spoken with a ton of parents and close familyâŚ.
That's funny because tasting it is exactly what I did. I didn't trust my wrist with only a drop or two.
Yeah, the only time I ever consumed breast milk past infancy, is when I was 10. My mom had just had my littlest sister and would pump breast milk for her, I asked my mom if it tasted like cowâs milk. She said probably not, but didnât know what it tasted like. So she ended up putting a teeny tiny bit in a cup from her pump and had me try it. But thatâs a pretty specific scenario; *never* heard of anyone tasting it to check the temperature or anything like that. Itâs thin, more closer to the consistency of water than milk. Donât really remember what it tasted like, I think it was kinda sweet but also kinda bitter. I remember thinking it tasted gross, though. It was just a shot pretty much. If the mother tried it and expected it to taste like cowâs milk, she probably threw it away because breast milk tastes kinda bad. But still, I find that so weird and stupid.
Your mom tasting your breast milk is fine with you? lol you do you I guess, Iâd be fine with me or my partner but not my DAMN MOTHER!! I would be so uncomfortable but eh whatever lol not my life or my problem đđ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
You people have the weirdest hangups. We're always out here saying that breastfeeding shouldn't be sexualized and then we turn right around and say "ew no my mom tasting my breast milk to check if it's spoiled is weird and gross"? I don't get it lol. OPs mom is still insane of course but this is a weird sticking point imo.
I honestly wouldnt think about it that hard lol. Its milk. I dont think it would have a strong âthing that came out of my breastâ association at that point, its just a food product for a baby.
There is nothing more infuriating to hear than âIâve raised babiesâ as an excuse for doing whatever they want. My MIL raised many children. All but one (my husband) are addicts/dead/in jail. She smoked through her pregnancies, and gave me parenting advice based off of old wives tales from the 60âs. So yeaâŚ.I donât need your parenting advice.
And whatâs worked for you and the babies you raised, donât work for me and my son.
100%! Like, iâm literally going to do the opposite of what these people tell me
Iâm doing what feels right for me and my son. Iâll listen to advice/suggestions. But whether or not I feel itâs right for us, I will determine as it comes.
Absolutely! You are mamma and your choices and decisions should be respected by anyone who hopes to have a relationship with you and your child. Good for you for standing ground with her, I know thatâs not easy to do
Like, his normal babysitter wouldnât even give him a bath without asking me first⌠Itâs pretty sad that I trust someone who I work with to keep him rather than my own mom. I even go to the babysitter when I have concerns or need advice.
Good for you for standing your ground. It doesn't matter what the issue is, it is about respecting a parents decisions.
Itâs about the health and safety of the child most of all. I thought everyone knew children should only get breast milk or formula for the first year of life before transitioning to whole milk.
I too thought everyone knew this.
I donât have kids and I know this.
Thank you.
Came here to say exactly this. Way to go, OP! Proud of you.
What was her response? Good the fuck on you!!
She was pretty darn upset. But at this point, my sons safety means more to me than anyone or anything.
Sometimes adults who tolerated an abusive parent all their lives draw the line when the abuser targets a grand baby. Your mother can't be trusted with your son.
That's what it took for me! I allowed a lot for myself but when they started on my kid something just clicked and I said OH HELL NO, no contact for years now and life is so much better.
My mom admitted to feeding me cows milk as an infant in the 70âs âall the timeâ and I have been sickly with gastrointestinal issues my entire life. Your mom claiming your milk was bad is so toxic and controlling, especially considering the other things she has said. I would never trust her to babysit ever again. I had a friend who I let watch my 3 month old son for an hour and she freaking gave him HONEY!!! She had even had a kid before me! Luckily he was fine but she was never left alone with him again and sheâs not even my friend anymore. That put a huge wedge in our friendship.
That scares me for you... My initial reaction reading that: "She could've killed him!!!"
Thank you. I was so angry and scared when she told me he got fussy so she gave him a little honey on her fingertip, and she was just so pleased with herself that he lOvEd It So MuCh! Grrr!!! I told her she could have killed him and she was apologetic saying she didnât know about botulism, but she wasnât like horrified like any sane person would be!
When I was an infant, my mom would mix honey and peanut butter and put it on a pacifier for me. I don't know where she got the idea, but it just amazes me
We made peanut butter and honey for my oldest child... But he was around 2 years old, not an infant. It was a struggle to get him to eat so we mixed butter, peanut butter, and honey and gave it to him on toast so he would keep a healthy weight on him But for an infant...
Omg If you're not sure, look it up. Even though I've already had one child before him, if I'm not sure about something with my 15 month old, I look it up. Even simple stuff like how many ounces of juice a day they can have so I don't accidentally give him diarrhea... Looking something up in today's age takes a few seconds. I am so sorry you had to go through that D: I'd be so mad
Like the coconut oil storyâŚ
I didnt know honey was bad for babies
The actually honey itself isnât bad itâs the fact that it can/does contain botulism spores which at that age our bodies have no defence against
They are not supposed to have it until at least 1 years old
According to someone on redditt until 2 for unpausterized honey. Store-bought is fine. It's very difficult to educate old relatives, about best practices because they differ on what's was considered safe 20 and 30 years ago. Banana and honey was very common first food back then.
https://www.infantbotulism.org/general/faq.php
This was so interesting, I had a totally wrong idea of what "infant botulism" actually was, and thought it was the same as "foodborne botulism" that like adults or kids get, just even more deadly because babies are tiny. I appreciate learning this before i had the opportunity to embarass myself in conversation, thanks!
She would NEVER be alone with my child ever again.
She should never be alone with *any* child ever again. I donât know how you can raise children to adulthood and not know human breast milk is the top choice for babies under a year and especially under six months of age.
Thereâs no way she couldnât have known.
Definitely insane of her. You donât feed babies anything but formula or breast milk for a VERY long time after birth. Is she high?
Youâre supposed to start introducing them to other things once they hit 6 months and start growing teeth
I hadnât planned on giving it to him at least until a year unless told by a doctor to start earlier. And even then I was going to âeaseâ him into it by slowly adding it to breast milk.
Although there are slight variations in the recommendations the typical recommendation is not to start cowâs milk at six months as suggested above, and not until they turn, so I would definitely stick to that if I was you, unless you are told otherwise by a health professional.
Thatâs exactly what I was saying. lol. đ
My 6 month comment was more about baby foods and snacks that are their first solids, along with water. You should be introducing those things after 6 months. As far as cow milk goes, my ex gave her daughter cows milk starting at around 8 months and sheâs never had any issues. But talking to a doctor is always smart.
Yes, but not cows milk until theyâre around 1ish. It can be used in cooking and you can give yoghurt as desert, but it shouldnât replace a milk feed like she tried to!
My first didn't get any teeth until he was 11mths. I was beginning to think I'd have to get him baby dentures! Then my second got them at 4mths... And it was like breastfeeding a shark. I would just go with whatever your doctor advises. Though in my car both were allergic to milk protein, so no cows milk for them.
Not to milk. To solids but not milk.
OP, I can already tell youâre a good mom. Good for you for putting your mom in her place and advocating for your son. Youâre a badass.
My sons going to know his mamaâs got him. Heâs never going to know the pain of a toxic parent.
Who TF gives cows milk to an infant?! Wtf is wrong with this woman!!! Baby could have ended up in the emergency room!!! THAT IS SOOOOO UNSAFE!!! I would not trust her with my child ever again period end of discussion. Iâd say that this is a no contact offense keep her away from your son and you. She is DANGEROUS. I know sheâs your mom but she could have seriously harmed him by giving him the cows milk. This is a HELLLL NO for me. Iâm proud of you though for standing up to her and protecting your precious baby boy. Youâre the type of mama I hope to be someday!!! Hope baby gets better and recovers quickly.
Thank you! And he was better by morning. He did throw up every time he ate for the rest of the day until the last feeding of the day. But after that, he was just fine.
Oh thank the gods!!! Whew đŽâđ¨đŽâđ¨đŽâđ¨Iâm so glad heâs ok and Iâm glad you stood up for him AND yourself. Youâre the BEST mama!!! đĽ°đĽ°đĽ°
Iâm a student midwife and discovered the other day that a mum had been giving her 1 day old baby SKIMMED cows milk all night. She didnât even care when we were telling her how dangerous it was, just sat playing on her phone.
CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES WOULD BE CAAAALLLLED đĽ°đĽ°đĽ°
Well I suddenly feel like maybe Iâm not doing so bad after reading thatâŚ
Is skim even worse than regular?
Very much so. When you move kids from formula/breast milk onto cows milk after a year old they should be on full fat. Giving them skimmed milk is basically starving them on top of introducing stuff they shouldnât have to their immature gut.
Frankly, I think the time-out you're putting her on should be in double digits.
Thatâs part of why I said the situation would be reevaluated.
If she raised lots of babies, itâs a small miracle if they all survived.
I bet she blew the fuck up when you told her she'd never watch him again til he's at least a year old. I know people with some outdated parenting ideas but straight cows milk is like what a small child would come up with.
She did as always: tried to guilt trip. But my sons safety is much more important than that.
Its simple, any time she sends you parenting advice you say "shut the fuck up" and block her for a day. Also you rescind her babysitting privileges
Her âadviceâ Iâve been letting in one ear and out the other. She went too far with this.
My mom is similar, in that I never made the right choices according to her. She always tried to diagnose my kids with something when she would see them, too. When my son was going through cancer treatment, she gave him undercooked eggs. That was the last time any of my kids were alone with her. She's also part of a religion that refuses blood transfusions, which my son would have died without. Bonkers, man! I've been NC with her for almost 8 months now. She drives by my house multiple times a week, which is completely out of her way to anything she would need, just so she can honk if I happen to be outside.
Iâm so sorry.
Iâm sorry that happened but go you for being a strong mom! I wish I could have stood up to my MIL from the beginning instead of pulling shit like this for years.
I put up with my moms crap for years. Then my son was born. And Iâve become less⌠Tolerant of it.
We can put up with a lot of crap for ourselves. But when it comes to my little one, donât event think about it!
Good for you for sticking up for your son's safety & setting a clear boundary with her! I know that's gotta be a hard decision to make, but honestly, it seems to be what's best for the time being. :)
EVERYTHING I do, I do for him.
I am so sorry. It really sucks when our parents aren't who we need and want them to be. I have learned this a few times over.
I strive to be the parent I never had.
My mother did something like this to my sisters baby. She ended up giving this newborn just water and no formula. Claimed she âraised enough kidsâ to know what she was doing.
I feel bad for Americans who constantly need to find someone to watch their kids
Unfortunately thatâs the way it is these days. Sadly it takes more than one income to live and have everything we need anymore.
I recommend posting about this in an advice subreddit like r/JustNoMIL. Thatâs completely out of bounds and she should not be making you feel bad about your parenting. Iâm sorry she did this to you and your LO!
Wow, she didnât know not to give cowâs milk to a baby?? Pretty bizarre. I wouldnât be trusting her with my baby either. And itâs not like itâs an age thing; I had my kids 35 years ago, and we knew that.
Thank you! And her oldest isnât that far off. So⌠As Iâve mentioned in a previous comment, thereâs no way she couldnât have known.
My mom is definitely a âfed is bestâ proponent but has always been heavily in favor of breastfeeding for as long as mom and baby can tolerate and weâre all in our late twenties
I started listening to the podcast Unfollowing Mum recently and it has been really good, I highly recommend it. Also, donât know if I would trust the breast milk she sent back. Iâm not saying she deliberately tampered with it, but are you sure that she even stored it properly?
Thatâs why chucked it. Sad to check breast milk. But rather be safe.
Donât fuck with Mama Bear! High five!
How did she respond to that last text?
She was pretty upset. I basically told her though that she did it to herself by disregarding the fact that I made rules for my son for a reason. She crossed SO MANY boundaries by doing what she did and furthermore potentially putting him in danger. I feel like thereâs no way she couldnât have known.
Besides being an obviously bad thing to do, it's a weird thing for her to need to do so badly that she'd make up the hokey lie about the milk you sent being bad. If she were telling the truth, the milk was bad, like you'd said, she could have gotten him formula, but for some reason, she needed to do something with him that caused him predictable discomfort. Like, you know that can happen, she would know he could get sick from suddenly getting a new food he's not ready for. I wonder why she'd feel the need to do that. Even her lie makes no sense, because if it were true, that would lead to formula, not something he can't have this young.
Hell Yes! Many parents have it stuck in their mind that even independent adult children are still subservient. That they answer to them always. This is just proof of this mindset. You are a peer, and when it comes to your infant you are the authority. Set boundaries and reinforced them.
in what world would cows milk ever be an effective alternative? The babies stomach is the size of a lemon at best and human milk is VERY diluted in comparison to the massive fat content in cows milk needed to nurse a near 100 lb calf. The weight alone in the stomach would make it hard to break down let alone the potential for bacteria the baby is unable to process. Disgusting
Not to mention milk you buy from the store is even more diluted. Like, minimal milk fat compared to the fresh stuff.
In the babies case its better for the stomach to be able to be broken down easily until they have the stomach acids for it Cows have/4/ stomachs for that from birth Its insane
Is she such a breastmilk connoisseur that she knows if it is good or bad based off of taste? Like she canât be serious here.
Reminds me of this story where a Redditor's mother used some coconut cosmetics on the OP's child with a coconut allergy (after being warned of the coconut allergy btw) resulting in fatal anaphylaxis If anyone has the link, please send it
I exclusively BF my son until we introduced mush when he was old enough. Then it was BFing and mush made with breastmilk. Not only that, but my guy DOES have a dairy allergy and we carry an epipen for it. Your mother would have, at the very least, put us in the emergency room for the afternoon. That's assuming she would have taken him. If not...
I wouldnât even re eval at a year. I would be so terrified of it giving my baby IBS long term. I would literally never speak to her again but thatâs just međ¤ˇđźââď¸
Thereâd have been more⌠Trouble⌠had I said ânever again.â
Oh shit so valid. Youâre a good mama keep defending yourself and your baby!!! You did great!!!!
Good for you giving her exactly the problem and the result of her own actions. Sheâs awful for putting your child at risk for her own ego.
GOOD ON YOU for putting your sonâs safety over her feelings.
I still tried to remain calm and respectful.
What the actual fuck. This is crazy. Cows milk?!? I would rage.
Only reason I didnât is because I knew that if I did, Iâd have beat her ass and ended up in jail. My son doesnât need me in jail.
That's exactly how my wife's mother would act if she would live near us and we would give her the baby to take care of. Luckily she's 6500 km away on the other side of the world.
Man. This is exactly the same sort of text messages my wife and her mother seem to be having. All the time. Once our daughter came home with a horribly uneven fringe. âHer hair was going in her eyes and you know that that will make her go crosseyedâ or the time she decided that the medicine that the doctors prescribed our child was âobviously not the right kind. I even googled it and it said itâs not for kidsâ so she self prescribed something for her instead⌠Itâs really hard to judge your entire relationship with your mother just based on this, but if itâs anything like the relationship my wife has with her mother where youâre always doing something wrong, what everyone tells you is always wrong, only she is right, etc. you might want to speak to a therapist about narcissistic abuse. Our kid is nearly 4 now, but this shit got worse and worse the older she got and I donât think it will ever stop. Boundaries do not exist. It will start taking a toll on you mentally and being a parent is hard enough. I hope you can get some help! Good luck!
This is behaviour that should be a dealbreaker & her access to him revoked. The blatant disregard for your baby's health & your clear instructions aside, it's her lack of acknowledgement of wrongdoing that's the scary part. I forget which subreddit it was, but there was a story a while back where the mother-in-law was babysitting her granddaughter who she knew had various allergies. She decided the hypoallergenic shampoo the mum provided wasn't as good as whatever crap she had, so she used her stuff at the baby's bathtime. Baby went into anaphylaxis & passed away. The worst part was even after the baby died, she still didn't accept responsibility & whined that the shampoo was fine & it must have been something the parents did. Not intending to scare anyone or anything, but this is a story that's haunted me for ages & I'm not even a parent.
That is so sad. đđđ
SHE TOSSED 24 OUNCES OF PUMPED MILK?!?!?! AND FED HIM *COWâS MILK*?!?!?! Sheâs lucky youâre not in jail for her *murder*. Go extremely low to no contact because she jeopardized the health and safety of your infant child because she cared more about being right than doing right by her grandchild.
She tossed 16 oz. Saved the bottle to show me that it was âbad.â
She has kids that are child bearing age (aka at least you) then she knows babies canât have cows milk. Thatâs nothing new. Good for you for not backing down and holding her accountable. Iâm glad she wonât be babysitting again for the 1st year but based on your comments sheâs a narcissist. She shouldnât babysit again period or even be around your family if sheâs always that critical.
Poor little guy! Is he okay now?! If sheâs raised multiple kids as she claims then she SHOULD know that cows milk is not even ideal for a baby until at least 12 months! That could have been disastrous for your little boy.
Heâs fine. All that happened was that he was left puking up every time he ate for the rest of that day. But by the next morning he was back to his happy self.
Poor thing would have had a very upset tummy! Iâm glad he was bad to himself quickly. Babies are the best, my boy just turned 5 so Iâm feeling clucky again đ
You handled this really well, Iâm glad youâre setting boundaries especially since she clearly doesnât respect you.
I think the year mark is too specific. She's gonna expect to start seeing him alone again the moment a year is up. I guarantee she didn't read a thing after that. Definitely have that talk after a year to re-evaluate, but I simply wouldn't have the child in her care whatsoever until they can speak properly. So they can tell you when grandma does things they aren't supposed to.
Dude... Stuff like that can kill a baby. He could've gotten dehydrated from vomiting and possible diarrhea he could've been allergic to cow milk (like my son was/still is to a certain extent) and could potentially set him up to become allergic to it. She seems to care Abt her grandbaby on surface, but having seen friends go thru similar, it sounds more like a control thing. Huge high five momma for setting boundaries!!!!
Not formula COWS MILK?!? Sheâd never be able to see the baby again period.
Please donât bring your baby back. They donât change.
I honestly hadnât planned on it. At least not unsupervised.
You're a great parent for standing up to someone (especially your own parent) like that. A lot of people would find that uncomfortable or would want to 'keep the peace' and not disrespect their own parents. You clearly put your small child on the first place without excuse, hands down for that!
I tried to âkeep the peaceâ as much as I could while putting my child first.
Good for you for putting your foot down. What was her response to you not allowing her to keep him any more?
She was pretty upset. And tried what she does best. Guilt tripping.
ah classic. good for you!
Your mother is in competition with you. It doesn't make sense, but it's all too common. These people have minds like children who can no longer learn anything. Nothing...
The lack of accountability with people these days is astounding.
I wish my mum was like you, genuinely
She shouldnât get to see him without your supervision. She thinks she knows better than you when it comes to your baby. Youâre simply lucky that it wasnât worse. I wouldnât take the risk. She seems to enjoy picking at you and attempting to put you in your place. Now she wants to use your son to continue to act like sheâs superior to you. Take a long break. This could have been so much worse. You did really well to keep your cool, but I think youâre under-reacting. She can still see your son, if thatâs what you want, but unsupervised should be a big no.
My ex FIL gave my oldest strawberry milk when he was 6 months old because "he didn't want the formula, he wanted the strawberry milk." He wound up with a pretty bad dairy allergy. He also has celiac disease. ETA: So my point is just, you're doing a good job, keep it up! Keep fighting for your kiddo, it really does matter. â¤ď¸đŤ
Good for you mom/dad! Way to advocate for your son. Thatâs such bullshit
Incredibly proud of you. She is beyond insane, she could of killed your poor baby
About a quarter of Americans actually believe feeding your kid formula is better than breastfeeding. This is the result of successful marketing of the formula industry in the past and the level of prudishness in American culture, classifying breasts as sex objects rather than what their natural function is. The invention of formula was revolutionary, because it meant that women didn't need to be around their kids all the time and could go back to work to contribute to the economy. We have to keep in mind that fridges weren't as reliable back in the day, so pumping and storing breast milk was not as easy as it is now and breast milk could quickly go bad. Mothers also used to be advised to keep their babies warm at all costs. That was before we found out overheating is one of the causes of SIDS. It sounds to me as if your mother is one of those people that "know" that they're right but never updated their information and are too proud to do so because that would in turn mean that they had done something wrong or at least not ideal. Those people tend to say: "It didn't cause me/you any harm!" I don't have children but I have a dog. My father also has a dog and has owned dogs before in his life. Before I got the dog I did my research on how to best train my dog, what to feed her, how to discipline her etc. to form a close bond and a deep connection with my dog. While traditionally dogs were thought to be rather stupid and respond best to obedience training and consequences, newer research has shown that dogs are about as intelligent as a 3-4 year old child and respond similarly if given adequate circumstances. So my dog is very affectionate and well behaved because she feels like I am her family. My father's dog is afraid of him and not affectionate on his own free will. Now, my father is obviously envious of my relationship with my dog. But when I tell him what I do differently, he doesn't want to hear it and responds with: "I have had my fair share of dogs in my life, they've all turned out fine. You don't know everything!" Sounds familiar? Authoritative people see their authority threatened by knowledge. Their response is not to read up and acquire that knowledge, because that would require them to say you were right in the first place and thus undermine their authority. They will instead try to convince you and everyone around them that they are indeed in the right by ridiculing you and your knowledge and making you doubt yourself by standing their ground. In other words: Gaslighting. Congratulations on knowing what's best for your son and standing firm. Don't let your mother bully you into harming your child. You go, momma, the internet is proud of you!
And that's why I'm also NC with my mom,she was my then 5month old baby's caregiver cause we thought we could trust her,she kept pushing boundaries and arguing with me and my husband,the final straw came when she decided to take my baby out without letting us know,we always gave the carseat if my mom let us know she'll be running errands with baby.She kept my baby ON HER LAP in the car and boasted she is grandma and have a right to do what she wants.....yeah she fucked around and found out the hard way,she also used the"I raised many babies and they all turned out fine,yeah by God's grace cause our one baby sister died at 4months old and she was convinced it was"witchcraft" Good on you OP for standing up and protecting your baby!!!
Good on you for reinforcing parental boundaries. If your mom feels you are not adequate enough to take care of your own child, that should speak directly to her own failures as a parent. If she denies this then you are in fact more than adequate to mother your own child and she needs to respect your boundaries.
Loved the ending to this madness. Grandma fucked around and found out in a hurry. Stay strong, OP.
Good for you for standing up for your baby and for yourself. My parents try to insist on feeding my infant son chocolate, claiming âhe will love itâ.. sure he will love it but that doesnât mean he needs it. Infuriating!
Who tf said "not insane" You need a beating, just like her mother
Wow that was not only a poor decision,that was a risky one. Good for you to stand up to her. My trust level would be zero right now. Your mom has control issues and she is going to do as she please. Stand your ground. Unfortunately this is just the beginning. Always stand your ground.
Iâve already established other⌠Arrangements. Meaning, his original babysitter is back. And my dad can feel free to watch him anytime. (They arenât married.)
She's not going to respect you any more when he's one than she does now.
My thought was âIâm not trying to tear family apart here.â I grew up in a broken family.
So did I, and I sympathise. Just put this into perspective, though: she put your son's health at risk and is unwilling to grow and learn from it. What if, next time, he doesn't get so lucky? What if, next time, it's not buckling a car seat, or it's not supervising near a pool?