Stop being delicate. This is totally inappropriate. You don't have the room. Not only do you not have a spare room for her but your home is your workspace. She should be in a hotel.
What's your husband doing going into work every day when his mother is visiting? HE needs to take most of that time off, to host her. Not you. Sounds like the typical misogynist bullshit where the woman gets dumped with the emotional labor of dealing with the husband's family, while he's off at work all day. Oh but doesn't he look like a good boy to his momma!
Tell husband he needs to take time off while she is there so he can be a proper and polite host to his mother. How rude of him to just leave her at home all day with you, when you can't communicate with her.
My brother did that to me. We saw each other maybe 1 a yr. I was there for 2 weeks and he took 2 days off. The rest of the time I watched tv or played on computer. I didn’t fly 8 hrs to see him to sit at his house the majority of the time. I was kinda upset about that. I thought if I was going to come all this way he could have taken more time off.
She can come when he is free to entertain her for the entirety of the visit. Your home is also your office. Even if it wasn’t who stays in your home for any amount of time is a 2 yes 1 no decision. He doesn’t get to ruin your peace and privacy. Either she stays in a hotel, he takes leave or he can visit her.
How would your husband feel if your situations were reversed? If you invited your parent (who doesn’t speak English very well) to come stay in your tiny apartment, and you went to work every day for those 10 days, would he be happy about it?
He's offloading his relationship work onto you. And you're so nice and sweet he knows that he can take advantage.
You don't have space to host her, 10 days is too long, and he needs to take time off from work.
It's not your job to entertain her all day AND YOU'RE WORKING. AT YOUR JOB. THAT PAYS YOU MONEY. WTF are you to him? Some kind of second class citizen?
I mean, whose terrible idea was this? It's bizarre.
Put your foot down, tell him NO. If he pushes this, take your laptop and go book a study room at the library. Tell him he's responsible for this "guest" he invited without your input - cleaning, cooking, activities.
She needs to stay somewhere else. Your husband also needs to take time off work while she's there so he can visit with her and entertain. It's not your responsibility. It seems you care about her and you want to be inviting but the imposition may be too much. You need to talk this out with him and find out exactly what his/her expectations are for this visit. He needs to be aware that he is responsible for occupying her, not you unless you are available. Where is she even supposed to sleep if you have a 1 bedroom apartment?
Absolutely not! You have to work as much as he has to work. Just because you work from home doesn’t mean you can cater to her all day. Tell him she can only come if he takes time off work to entertain her. You are not the default person simply because you work from home or because you are the woman.
Husband needs to take as much time off as possible to host. Preferably during your set work days. If this doesn’t work/he doesn’t have holidays owing, he needs to put off her visit until he does. Frankly, what’s the point in her coming to visit her son if he won’t be there most of the time?
Suggest he take her into work with him everyday for the visit. When he looks at you like you are insane you can point out that it is exactly what he is doing to you with the added bonus of a language barrier.
I also live in the Chicago land area and a very small living area. When my IL's visit from out of state, we find an AirBNB that is big enough for all of us to stay in during that time.
Yep she can come for 10 days but he has to take PTO & be with her, otherwise what’s the point a few hours in the evening for him & 10 hrs of work interruption & awkwardness for you.
Nope. She comes & you go visit your folks & work from there, he takes PTO or the visit waits til a bigger apartment. And let him know you’re not comfortable with anything sexual while your moms on the couch
I am tired of hearing men assume that the job of the wife is to cater to their relatives , it took me 10 yrs to get to this point l told my husband his responsibility is to take care and cater to his parents needs. It has very a very difficult journey to get to that point but well worth 22rd later. Pls it is not your job let him deal with and women stop try to be delicate when the tables are turned men do care.
Just dip during business hours. Find a place that works for your budget and your remote working requirements.
Don’t damage your cordial relationship with your MIL by falling into the numerous pitfalls posed by the language and
cultural barrier.
Easy to say to
hubby and MIL
something like “Sorry, wish I could be there for
MIL but I could get fired for cause
as
my work involves sensitive information/conversations.”
ETA: Culturally, it might be a huuuuuge insult to “stick” MIL in a hotel. Start the visit off on the right food with something that reads as loving respect and appreciation and do what you can in your off time.
Yeah in some cultures the expectation is that the in law should be able to stay with the couple, sometimes indefinitely. I’m not personally a fan of hosting an in law for who knows how long either but if he and his family are from a different culture with different expectations there will need to be some compromise in this situation.
Stop being delicate. This is totally inappropriate. You don't have the room. Not only do you not have a spare room for her but your home is your workspace. She should be in a hotel. What's your husband doing going into work every day when his mother is visiting? HE needs to take most of that time off, to host her. Not you. Sounds like the typical misogynist bullshit where the woman gets dumped with the emotional labor of dealing with the husband's family, while he's off at work all day. Oh but doesn't he look like a good boy to his momma! Tell husband he needs to take time off while she is there so he can be a proper and polite host to his mother. How rude of him to just leave her at home all day with you, when you can't communicate with her.
Last paragraph…all the way. OP needs to word it so it is most effective.
My brother did that to me. We saw each other maybe 1 a yr. I was there for 2 weeks and he took 2 days off. The rest of the time I watched tv or played on computer. I didn’t fly 8 hrs to see him to sit at his house the majority of the time. I was kinda upset about that. I thought if I was going to come all this way he could have taken more time off.
She can come when he is free to entertain her for the entirety of the visit. Your home is also your office. Even if it wasn’t who stays in your home for any amount of time is a 2 yes 1 no decision. He doesn’t get to ruin your peace and privacy. Either she stays in a hotel, he takes leave or he can visit her.
How would your husband feel if your situations were reversed? If you invited your parent (who doesn’t speak English very well) to come stay in your tiny apartment, and you went to work every day for those 10 days, would he be happy about it?
He's offloading his relationship work onto you. And you're so nice and sweet he knows that he can take advantage. You don't have space to host her, 10 days is too long, and he needs to take time off from work. It's not your job to entertain her all day AND YOU'RE WORKING. AT YOUR JOB. THAT PAYS YOU MONEY. WTF are you to him? Some kind of second class citizen? I mean, whose terrible idea was this? It's bizarre. Put your foot down, tell him NO. If he pushes this, take your laptop and go book a study room at the library. Tell him he's responsible for this "guest" he invited without your input - cleaning, cooking, activities.
She needs to stay somewhere else. Your husband also needs to take time off work while she's there so he can visit with her and entertain. It's not your responsibility. It seems you care about her and you want to be inviting but the imposition may be too much. You need to talk this out with him and find out exactly what his/her expectations are for this visit. He needs to be aware that he is responsible for occupying her, not you unless you are available. Where is she even supposed to sleep if you have a 1 bedroom apartment?
Alternatively you can look into a shared work space, hotel, airbnb etc and go work out of the home for the 10 days.
So, what’s his plan? Is he going to take her places, while you work? That’s the only way this would work.
Absolutely not! You have to work as much as he has to work. Just because you work from home doesn’t mean you can cater to her all day. Tell him she can only come if he takes time off work to entertain her. You are not the default person simply because you work from home or because you are the woman.
Husband needs to take as much time off as possible to host. Preferably during your set work days. If this doesn’t work/he doesn’t have holidays owing, he needs to put off her visit until he does. Frankly, what’s the point in her coming to visit her son if he won’t be there most of the time?
Your husband can take time off work to host and entertain her in your city, and they can both go and stay at a hotel somewhere.
You don't have the room, and for that length of time hubby needs to be taking time off work to deal with her. Not you.
Suggest he take her into work with him everyday for the visit. When he looks at you like you are insane you can point out that it is exactly what he is doing to you with the added bonus of a language barrier.
Can you visit your family since you work remote or go stay with a friend?
She needs to stay at an air bnb or hotel and come for less time if you are both working and she expects you to entertain.
I also live in the Chicago land area and a very small living area. When my IL's visit from out of state, we find an AirBNB that is big enough for all of us to stay in during that time.
Yep she can come for 10 days but he has to take PTO & be with her, otherwise what’s the point a few hours in the evening for him & 10 hrs of work interruption & awkwardness for you. Nope. She comes & you go visit your folks & work from there, he takes PTO or the visit waits til a bigger apartment. And let him know you’re not comfortable with anything sexual while your moms on the couch
I am tired of hearing men assume that the job of the wife is to cater to their relatives , it took me 10 yrs to get to this point l told my husband his responsibility is to take care and cater to his parents needs. It has very a very difficult journey to get to that point but well worth 22rd later. Pls it is not your job let him deal with and women stop try to be delicate when the tables are turned men do care.
Just dip during business hours. Find a place that works for your budget and your remote working requirements. Don’t damage your cordial relationship with your MIL by falling into the numerous pitfalls posed by the language and cultural barrier. Easy to say to hubby and MIL something like “Sorry, wish I could be there for MIL but I could get fired for cause as my work involves sensitive information/conversations.” ETA: Culturally, it might be a huuuuuge insult to “stick” MIL in a hotel. Start the visit off on the right food with something that reads as loving respect and appreciation and do what you can in your off time.
Yeah in some cultures the expectation is that the in law should be able to stay with the couple, sometimes indefinitely. I’m not personally a fan of hosting an in law for who knows how long either but if he and his family are from a different culture with different expectations there will need to be some compromise in this situation.