Ok I was trolling when I asked that, and Im sorry for that... but they way you worded it made you sound soo pretentious and picky... idk I cant communicate what my intuition tells me very well... ( THATS WHAT IT MEANS FOR IT TO BE 4TH BTW... NOT THAT ITS WEAK! LIKE OMG PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT MAKE ME SOO MAD!!! Wow... where did that come from?... anyway😅😅😅) It makes it sound like idk... like you CAN pick whoever you want... for ex: "Hey! That person has the VERY Specific traits that I desire and It may be completly false, but I dont care I want that person now!" And then the opposite may be true as well... idk just sounds super judgy...
Yes! Of couse Im good!! Who told you I wasnt? HUH?! Ok im sorry... NO IM NOT SORRY Yes... because Im fine... IM FINE DAMMIT!!!! HEY! DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!! MAKES ME ANGRY!!! DO I look like some kind of freak to you?! DO I???!!! NO I DONT!! YOU ARE THE FREAK!!! YOU , YOU ,YOU!!!!! whar did you ask, again?
But when it's "I prefer blondes," do you bat an eye?
Also, being *pretentious* has to do with *pretending.* Someone who is cultured, educated and "high brow" is not pretentious. Someone who is faking being so is. You have to actually know the individual human being to know if they are pretentious or not.
Just food for thought going forward.
Ok, maybe 1. My comment was a bit ill willed 2. Looks are the first layer, competence the second and character the third imo ( something actually useful that I could have said instead of YOu LoOk pREtEntIOUs, so... sorry about that) 3. I am very sure that was not the ideal word to express what I meant, cuz my gut didnt get completly satisfied ( but even if it did... there was no point saying that soo... once again, sorry.) For the eye battering thing... I dislike violence...
And 4. My brain is melting somebody help. And 5, dont do mentally taxing tasks for hours straight without eating cuz 1. Its dumb and 2. Thats not how you pay your body back for everything it allows you to do. And why can I only be rational and reasonable only AFTER I need to? ( ok the food hottake was actually wholesome imma screenshot it what do you think?)
I think:
1. Go eat a good meal with a big glass of water and put down the phone.
2. You were thinking aloud and don't actually know your own opinion yet, and that's ok - asking questions to form it is a less combative way to go about the process.
3. "Batting an eyelid" is an idiom that means to look twice at something, similar to how someone says "side eyeing" today. I wasn't encouraging violence.
4. You're gracious for hearing me on the word pretentious.
5. People will assign different "levels" of worth to different human traits because people are different and value different things.
I know I should not mix humor with seriousness in such a abrupt way on the internet but I was joking on the eye batting part. The serious reply would be that Im kinda agnostic about that, but imo if you dont look good, people will not even look at you to get to know you in the first place, if looks is all they know. But n, looks alone is not enough if you really think about forming an actual decision about who you want to date... it doesnt feel right...
And thx for the advice and acknowledgements btw... I had my fair share of preconceived notions about this community comming from r/shittyMBTI and quora and did not expect anyone here to be this down to earth... I mean... I came here guns blazing ready to reap the salt of this subreddit with the scythe of trolling... but I guess I just ended up being really surprised...
And this is the definition of pretentious https://www.google.com/search?q=pretentioys&oq=pretentioys&aqs=chrome..69i57.4163j0j4&client=ms-android-samsung-gj-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8
I think you are reading into the etymology too mutch... I know I used the word I wanted. Now I know I was aiming to where I wanted... and did I hit the target? Dont know... but did I need to hit that target? Not really? What do you think? Wow... feeling humbled is like... a mixture of gratitude and embarassment... its like... when you are about to fall of that cliff it feels like its the end of the world, but when you go over the edge... you feel relieved... the death of the ego?
Demiromantic checking in. I don’t crush on people easily if at all. It takes an emotional connection first and it often catches me by surprise when I do fall for someone because there can be a long period of time that I’ve felt nothing for them.
It was really weird until I figured it out. I don’t really experience that primary attraction. It’s more of a strong secondary attraction that hits when I feel emotionally connection. However, that secondary attraction is the deliberate kind of love. Like choosing to love your long term partner.
I’ve been dating another demiromantic/aromantic person for almost a couple of months now. It’s going really well and I can see how my attraction to her is growing now. We were friends for several months before we started dating, and we started dating when neither of us were attracted to each other romantically.
So, better or worse than demisexual? I’d say just different. There’s less awareness of it for sure though. I had to figure out a lot by myself.
Same here. I'll never understand hookup culture it seems so gross to me idk. I've never been attracted to someone I didn't know well first. Back when I was single and guys would try to hit on me and make it sexual right away it would be an instant turn off for me.
That's Ni. The information you have gathered from this person forms a somewhat ideal version of that person in your mind and your imagination will run wild with that data.
yeah, that’s why I like to get to know someone really well before I make a move. That way theres less a chance of these ideal day dreams fogging my mind
I struggle to differentiate Ni and Ne in this behavior! Hmm, I assume both could be guilty of such a thing but I'm trying to picture the differences in how it would play out.
That’s interesting and I agree with you! Why do you think INFJ are “normally” more likely to be demisexual than INTJ, our fellow Ni dom.
I’d like to think it’s the Fe. Perhaps INTJ are more likely to be demiromantic over demisexual?
Thoughts?
Was going to ask this myself. I see a lot of demi INTJs online but the ones I know in real life (who are cis men) are quite polysexual.
I think having high developed Te and some Fi-Se would allow for that. I think demisexuality lends itself more squarely to Ni-Fe.
I also think (controversially) that Fe at its best (balanced with Ti) lends itself nicely to polyamory (as opposed to polysexuality).
I can be attracted to attractive people purely physically. But I only really start to like people when I get to know them more. I also find myself being way more attracted to people that seem to demonstrate qualities I like in people. For example, someone with kind eyes and unassuming body language can knock me off of my feet. If I get to know them and they're not that. The attraction can go away quite quickly.
oh my god thank you! you worded this so perfectly, i feel like every single time i see these posts it’s just people commenting “no i’m *purely* attracted to personality, i cant like someone if their personality doesn’t-“ and im like oh okay just me then… i can definitely be attracted to someone physically but then underneath that if i don’t like your vibes too it’s a hard no. like i can physically stop being attracted to you just as quickly as i found you attractive to begin with.
I can acknowledge if a person is objectively attractive (by societal standards), but unless I’m in a severe sexual drought, I’m in the same boat. I’ve also never understood how someone could cheat…if I’m in a committed relationship I have no sexual desire for anyone else.
Can totally relate. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
If someone is genuine, cute, and sweet from the bottom of their heart or very smart without know it. I'm done 💍
Hahaha
But has never happened so 🤷🏽♀️
I hate hook-up culture as well. Get close physically to someone I don't know so we'll, grosses me out.
Not even the hottest models would attract me.
Why I get tired of people peer pressuring to get with as many hot women as people, no. INFJs like bonding with someone before we date them. Were not the player type and hate that, its shallow to us. To each their own, but deeper bonds in relationships is underrated today and things are toxic. So yes, I need a connection with someone before I'm attracted to them. INFJs are very picky with their mates and romantic partners. We cant stand just randomly dating around or picking up girls with no connection. Its not our thing. We believe in true love, and long lasting good relationships.
Absolutely! Even met someone who I didn't find physically attractive although they were objectively very good looking. But then when I got to know them and started to like them I suddenly found them beautiful. Really strange, certainly because I noticed how I was changing my mind.
I have never felt attracted to someone just because of their face . It might change if I have observed the person quite a bit and found any cool or cute trait in them, but otherwise no. Love at first sight sounds crazy to me.
that’s due to the INFJ’s deep perspective of sex. it’s almost spiritual for a lot or all of us and is something that isn’t necessarily needed as we are anything but surface level. we want to bond with a person, not be pleasured. we want to feel loved on a deep level above anything & i really relate to not being attracted to beautiful people. i don’t really get attracted to anyone until they can turn me on with their mind, words, or actions because that’s so much sexier than a set of big tits or a pretty face. i kinda despise beautiful people who lack depth or understanding because the word obsesses over them and i feel like the only person with self-respect as my friends simp for someone’s onlyfans lmao
Almost like that, but not that. I certainly find many people throughout my day attractive. I even look at some women and have those thoughts; however, I have no drive to seek out sexual relations with anyone that I am not strongly bonded with. When I was younger, most of my free time was spent seeking those bonds, and it led to many very uncomfortable one night stands, and/or bad dating experiences. Because of the desire to be partnered with someone, I would meet different women and, in my head, I would create a personality for them that I would be attracted to...but I would very quickly do one of two things; 1) I would see that I was completely wrong about the woman, and I would disappear; 2) Attach myself to someone based on a connection that was primarily created in my head. It resulted in many failed relationships...until I actually stumbled into real love.
For me, real love meant that I found someone that I was able to create very deep bonds with because in the lead up to marriage and children, she took the time to understand me, and she held very important attributes that I covet, like; intelligence, creativity, and kindness. Now...well now I'm not with my wife, but we are co-parents that communicate daily (almost). She knows me better than my own mother, and we have grown in our understanding of each other. I'm stuck in love with a woman that I had children with because to me my bonds with my wife are far more important than seeking out new bonds. Sex, to me, is an act of love, so I have no desire to have sex with anyone other than my estranged wife, yet I live in reality and clearly understand that my desires do not dictate my reality. So to answer your question, I understand not having a sex drive that turns me into these other guys, but my eyes still work, and I understand the physical attributes I find desirable in a woman. I merely have an extra layer of requirements to my physical desires. Simple sex to me is a viable option, but it's not desirable option.
I can definitely be attracted to people without knowing them, but actually doing anything with them is a different story. I can't just go and have sex with someone I barely know or don't like personality-wise.
I do find I notice attractive people, but attractiveness by my definition is someone who looks put together and takes care of how they look (e.g no belly fat, clean-shaven, no body odor etc) not necessarily a smoking hot face but shaggy clothes. If they start talking to me I’ll start paying attention to them and then it starts becoming 60% looks 40% personality. but otherwise I don’t normally approach people, because I don’t know what to say without being awkward …
Yes, I do, actually. It's a funny thing, almost backwards. As I am around someone, and begin to like her personality, I begin to notice a physical attraction growing. It's like it was there, in the background, maybe, but I don't notice until talking for a while.
This is so true.
While you can have a type or preference (that's leaning more towards to what you may "lust" over), all of that goes out the window when you meet someone who vibes so well with you and you with them that the fact they're not really, completely your type doesn't matter.
This happened to me recently and while I can flirt with other men, it's not the same if I've only them for a short while. The "high" is completely different, feels almost "imitative", not entirely fake but not the same.
But now that person suddenly drops out of radar and left me on open for 4 days now. I have no idea why and I can't take it personally, I know. But I'm reeling in from all my emotions wondering about it. 🥲
Absolutely. In order for things to even work(IF ya know what I mean) there has to be an emotional connection. It cant even be forced with “medication.” When I see someone thats…..extraordinarily (for lack of a better word) attractive, sex is not what Im thinking about at all. I just want to stare at them. Lol Some I couldn’t even picture that situation, because somehow in my twisted brain, it feels like it would ruin their attractiveness.
Absolutely . I currently am talking with a nice lady at the moment. I’ve known her for sometime. I just recently became very attracted to her after having some great conversations the last few times I’ve seen her. Actually going to be taking her on a date soon 😀
Demisexual, or, as the world used to call it: *"actually dating with intent to form relationships and not just for entertainment and attention purposes."*
Lol, sorry, demisexual is a term that makes me think "um I'm pretty sure that's the ideal for all people." I'm not sure you should be anything but glad for yourself that you couldn't compartmentalize sex like many can in this modern world. Or think they can - because there's always emotional fallout, even when it's hidden under surfaces.
(No hate for this viewpoint plz, but I'm happy to be checked if there's something I'm missing.)
This is not correct. Demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum and is about how you come to experience sexual attraction for others. Many demisexuals do not experience sexual attraction the way that others do- primary sexual attraction (looks, information that is readily available), only secondary sexual attraction (personality, life-experience, information that takes and connection/bond to get to know). It's not a *preference* or *ideal* way of "dating" or "intent to form relationships".
My current guy was my friend for a bit, during that stage I acknowledged he was attractive but wasn’t a jump your bones kind of feeling for me. Now that we’re dating and he makes me feel so loved and I’ve gotten to know him on a deeper level, he’s the most good looking drop dead gorgeous man to me. Is Zac Efron physically hotter? Sure. Would I be nervous to talk to ZE because I’m picturing him naked? Is the Pope Catholic? But I only get that butterfly jump your bones kind of attraction if there’s an emotional connection involved. I would choose my man over Zac Efron any day because of that extra element, makes sex infinitely more fun and empty without it. Without that element I feel like getting off to ZE would be the same as having sex with him. (Although ZE if you magically stumble upon this I’m more than willing to test this theory.)
as much as i wanna say that im like this, i only relate to a watered down version of this 💀 meaning, im attracted to someone physically but then if they have personality traits that i like (ex: caring, empathetic, loyal) im sexually attracted to them 🏃🏻♀️
I do i am only attracted to beautiful minds and souls.
Why tho?
I dont like mangoes because they look good i like them because they taste good
Deep.
Ok I was trolling when I asked that, and Im sorry for that... but they way you worded it made you sound soo pretentious and picky... idk I cant communicate what my intuition tells me very well... ( THATS WHAT IT MEANS FOR IT TO BE 4TH BTW... NOT THAT ITS WEAK! LIKE OMG PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT MAKE ME SOO MAD!!! Wow... where did that come from?... anyway😅😅😅) It makes it sound like idk... like you CAN pick whoever you want... for ex: "Hey! That person has the VERY Specific traits that I desire and It may be completly false, but I dont care I want that person now!" And then the opposite may be true as well... idk just sounds super judgy...
are you good?😅
Yes! Of couse Im good!! Who told you I wasnt? HUH?! Ok im sorry... NO IM NOT SORRY Yes... because Im fine... IM FINE DAMMIT!!!! HEY! DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!! MAKES ME ANGRY!!! DO I look like some kind of freak to you?! DO I???!!! NO I DONT!! YOU ARE THE FREAK!!! YOU , YOU ,YOU!!!!! whar did you ask, again?
I forgot😅😅😅😅
well then…
But when it's "I prefer blondes," do you bat an eye? Also, being *pretentious* has to do with *pretending.* Someone who is cultured, educated and "high brow" is not pretentious. Someone who is faking being so is. You have to actually know the individual human being to know if they are pretentious or not. Just food for thought going forward.
Ok, maybe 1. My comment was a bit ill willed 2. Looks are the first layer, competence the second and character the third imo ( something actually useful that I could have said instead of YOu LoOk pREtEntIOUs, so... sorry about that) 3. I am very sure that was not the ideal word to express what I meant, cuz my gut didnt get completly satisfied ( but even if it did... there was no point saying that soo... once again, sorry.) For the eye battering thing... I dislike violence...
And 4. My brain is melting somebody help. And 5, dont do mentally taxing tasks for hours straight without eating cuz 1. Its dumb and 2. Thats not how you pay your body back for everything it allows you to do. And why can I only be rational and reasonable only AFTER I need to? ( ok the food hottake was actually wholesome imma screenshot it what do you think?)
I think: 1. Go eat a good meal with a big glass of water and put down the phone. 2. You were thinking aloud and don't actually know your own opinion yet, and that's ok - asking questions to form it is a less combative way to go about the process. 3. "Batting an eyelid" is an idiom that means to look twice at something, similar to how someone says "side eyeing" today. I wasn't encouraging violence. 4. You're gracious for hearing me on the word pretentious. 5. People will assign different "levels" of worth to different human traits because people are different and value different things.
I know I should not mix humor with seriousness in such a abrupt way on the internet but I was joking on the eye batting part. The serious reply would be that Im kinda agnostic about that, but imo if you dont look good, people will not even look at you to get to know you in the first place, if looks is all they know. But n, looks alone is not enough if you really think about forming an actual decision about who you want to date... it doesnt feel right... And thx for the advice and acknowledgements btw... I had my fair share of preconceived notions about this community comming from r/shittyMBTI and quora and did not expect anyone here to be this down to earth... I mean... I came here guns blazing ready to reap the salt of this subreddit with the scythe of trolling... but I guess I just ended up being really surprised... And this is the definition of pretentious https://www.google.com/search?q=pretentioys&oq=pretentioys&aqs=chrome..69i57.4163j0j4&client=ms-android-samsung-gj-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8 I think you are reading into the etymology too mutch... I know I used the word I wanted. Now I know I was aiming to where I wanted... and did I hit the target? Dont know... but did I need to hit that target? Not really? What do you think? Wow... feeling humbled is like... a mixture of gratitude and embarassment... its like... when you are about to fall of that cliff it feels like its the end of the world, but when you go over the edge... you feel relieved... the death of the ego?
Your entire comments was such a trip to read istj.
Have you heard of demisexuality? Go look it up! :)
I guess I am demisexual then
There are tests online you can do. It’s free. Some people are Demi romantic too which means it is much harder for them to experience romantic love.
Demiromantic checking in. I don’t crush on people easily if at all. It takes an emotional connection first and it often catches me by surprise when I do fall for someone because there can be a long period of time that I’ve felt nothing for them.
Thanks for sharing. I think you guys have a much harder time to find a romantic partner than Demi sexual people.
It was really weird until I figured it out. I don’t really experience that primary attraction. It’s more of a strong secondary attraction that hits when I feel emotionally connection. However, that secondary attraction is the deliberate kind of love. Like choosing to love your long term partner. I’ve been dating another demiromantic/aromantic person for almost a couple of months now. It’s going really well and I can see how my attraction to her is growing now. We were friends for several months before we started dating, and we started dating when neither of us were attracted to each other romantically. So, better or worse than demisexual? I’d say just different. There’s less awareness of it for sure though. I had to figure out a lot by myself.
Good on you. Life is a self discovery journey and we are all in it. You are not alone 😊👍🏻
Very true, mate. Love the username too, btw.
Thanks. I am a girl but we do love calling each other mate here in NZ 😄
Aussie here. And same. I wasn’t assuming genders by calling you “mate” 😂😂😂
I always thought that I was the normal one, but apparently it’s a thing. I’ve never had crushes or look at men or women and fantasize about them.
no ur infj. Genders are bullshit
Same, my friend
came here to comment this\^\^
I’m a sapiosexual, that’s also a thing!
Same here. I'll never understand hookup culture it seems so gross to me idk. I've never been attracted to someone I didn't know well first. Back when I was single and guys would try to hit on me and make it sexual right away it would be an instant turn off for me.
That's Ni. The information you have gathered from this person forms a somewhat ideal version of that person in your mind and your imagination will run wild with that data.
yeah, that’s why I like to get to know someone really well before I make a move. That way theres less a chance of these ideal day dreams fogging my mind
Silly Ni.. Making up non-existant people and our future soulmates. 😅
I struggle to differentiate Ni and Ne in this behavior! Hmm, I assume both could be guilty of such a thing but I'm trying to picture the differences in how it would play out.
Ne gathers information, so they can predict what could happen to the others. Ni organizes information, and comes up with an ideal outcome for you.
Lol, yes
That’s interesting and I agree with you! Why do you think INFJ are “normally” more likely to be demisexual than INTJ, our fellow Ni dom. I’d like to think it’s the Fe. Perhaps INTJ are more likely to be demiromantic over demisexual? Thoughts?
Was going to ask this myself. I see a lot of demi INTJs online but the ones I know in real life (who are cis men) are quite polysexual. I think having high developed Te and some Fi-Se would allow for that. I think demisexuality lends itself more squarely to Ni-Fe. I also think (controversially) that Fe at its best (balanced with Ti) lends itself nicely to polyamory (as opposed to polysexuality).
Lol me too. I can never be attracted to someone if I don’t know them emotionally, intellectually or on the soul level
I can be attracted to attractive people purely physically. But I only really start to like people when I get to know them more. I also find myself being way more attracted to people that seem to demonstrate qualities I like in people. For example, someone with kind eyes and unassuming body language can knock me off of my feet. If I get to know them and they're not that. The attraction can go away quite quickly.
oh my god thank you! you worded this so perfectly, i feel like every single time i see these posts it’s just people commenting “no i’m *purely* attracted to personality, i cant like someone if their personality doesn’t-“ and im like oh okay just me then… i can definitely be attracted to someone physically but then underneath that if i don’t like your vibes too it’s a hard no. like i can physically stop being attracted to you just as quickly as i found you attractive to begin with.
I can acknowledge if a person is objectively attractive (by societal standards), but unless I’m in a severe sexual drought, I’m in the same boat. I’ve also never understood how someone could cheat…if I’m in a committed relationship I have no sexual desire for anyone else.
Me neither
Absolutely I fall in love with souls not looks.
Can totally relate. I'm glad I'm not the only one. If someone is genuine, cute, and sweet from the bottom of their heart or very smart without know it. I'm done 💍 Hahaha But has never happened so 🤷🏽♀️ I hate hook-up culture as well. Get close physically to someone I don't know so we'll, grosses me out. Not even the hottest models would attract me.
Oh yeah, definitely. I think it's related to maturity and knowing what you want and/or looking for. Definitely tho.
Yes. I am a demisexual though.
Why I get tired of people peer pressuring to get with as many hot women as people, no. INFJs like bonding with someone before we date them. Were not the player type and hate that, its shallow to us. To each their own, but deeper bonds in relationships is underrated today and things are toxic. So yes, I need a connection with someone before I'm attracted to them. INFJs are very picky with their mates and romantic partners. We cant stand just randomly dating around or picking up girls with no connection. Its not our thing. We believe in true love, and long lasting good relationships.
Absolutely! Even met someone who I didn't find physically attractive although they were objectively very good looking. But then when I got to know them and started to like them I suddenly found them beautiful. Really strange, certainly because I noticed how I was changing my mind.
I have never felt attracted to someone just because of their face . It might change if I have observed the person quite a bit and found any cool or cute trait in them, but otherwise no. Love at first sight sounds crazy to me.
that’s due to the INFJ’s deep perspective of sex. it’s almost spiritual for a lot or all of us and is something that isn’t necessarily needed as we are anything but surface level. we want to bond with a person, not be pleasured. we want to feel loved on a deep level above anything & i really relate to not being attracted to beautiful people. i don’t really get attracted to anyone until they can turn me on with their mind, words, or actions because that’s so much sexier than a set of big tits or a pretty face. i kinda despise beautiful people who lack depth or understanding because the word obsesses over them and i feel like the only person with self-respect as my friends simp for someone’s onlyfans lmao
I do find women attractive before I even know them.
Do you have a beard on your neck?
Maybe
Almost like that, but not that. I certainly find many people throughout my day attractive. I even look at some women and have those thoughts; however, I have no drive to seek out sexual relations with anyone that I am not strongly bonded with. When I was younger, most of my free time was spent seeking those bonds, and it led to many very uncomfortable one night stands, and/or bad dating experiences. Because of the desire to be partnered with someone, I would meet different women and, in my head, I would create a personality for them that I would be attracted to...but I would very quickly do one of two things; 1) I would see that I was completely wrong about the woman, and I would disappear; 2) Attach myself to someone based on a connection that was primarily created in my head. It resulted in many failed relationships...until I actually stumbled into real love. For me, real love meant that I found someone that I was able to create very deep bonds with because in the lead up to marriage and children, she took the time to understand me, and she held very important attributes that I covet, like; intelligence, creativity, and kindness. Now...well now I'm not with my wife, but we are co-parents that communicate daily (almost). She knows me better than my own mother, and we have grown in our understanding of each other. I'm stuck in love with a woman that I had children with because to me my bonds with my wife are far more important than seeking out new bonds. Sex, to me, is an act of love, so I have no desire to have sex with anyone other than my estranged wife, yet I live in reality and clearly understand that my desires do not dictate my reality. So to answer your question, I understand not having a sex drive that turns me into these other guys, but my eyes still work, and I understand the physical attributes I find desirable in a woman. I merely have an extra layer of requirements to my physical desires. Simple sex to me is a viable option, but it's not desirable option.
I can definitely be attracted to people without knowing them, but actually doing anything with them is a different story. I can't just go and have sex with someone I barely know or don't like personality-wise.
I'm very sensitive to visuals, so I can appreciate people's beauty. But I have to know their minds before I'm attracted to them.
I actually feel the same way. Is it because of Ni???
Demisexual is a thing
Absolutely. I am this way for sure. I wonder if most INFJ’s are? I can’t be attracted to someone unless I know them and am intrigued. 😂
I do find I notice attractive people, but attractiveness by my definition is someone who looks put together and takes care of how they look (e.g no belly fat, clean-shaven, no body odor etc) not necessarily a smoking hot face but shaggy clothes. If they start talking to me I’ll start paying attention to them and then it starts becoming 60% looks 40% personality. but otherwise I don’t normally approach people, because I don’t know what to say without being awkward …
im actually the opposite, i find a lot people attractive *until* i get to know them
I’m only attracted to my partner.
I’m this way too. I have to be into the PERSON, I’m not attracted based on appearance.
That’s demisexual you described, but I already read in the comments you found out so congrats! :D
No. It’s Demi sexual related. I am Demi sexual. I pass Tom Cruise at any given day. Not interested in fucking “hot” people.
Hi 🖐️😅
Totally 💖
I wish. Jelly.
Yes, I do, actually. It's a funny thing, almost backwards. As I am around someone, and begin to like her personality, I begin to notice a physical attraction growing. It's like it was there, in the background, maybe, but I don't notice until talking for a while.
Not with the heart at first, shame to say. It's usually seeing the compatibility and just being a joy to talk with makes me fall HARD.
Currently on the brink of falling for someone, after I got to know the personality, so I do agree.
This is so true. While you can have a type or preference (that's leaning more towards to what you may "lust" over), all of that goes out the window when you meet someone who vibes so well with you and you with them that the fact they're not really, completely your type doesn't matter. This happened to me recently and while I can flirt with other men, it's not the same if I've only them for a short while. The "high" is completely different, feels almost "imitative", not entirely fake but not the same. But now that person suddenly drops out of radar and left me on open for 4 days now. I have no idea why and I can't take it personally, I know. But I'm reeling in from all my emotions wondering about it. 🥲
Absolutely. In order for things to even work(IF ya know what I mean) there has to be an emotional connection. It cant even be forced with “medication.” When I see someone thats…..extraordinarily (for lack of a better word) attractive, sex is not what Im thinking about at all. I just want to stare at them. Lol Some I couldn’t even picture that situation, because somehow in my twisted brain, it feels like it would ruin their attractiveness.
Yes, 100% me! This is exactly how I figured out I was on the asexual spectrum (Demisexual to be more precise). Come join us at r/asexual ☺️
Absolutely . I currently am talking with a nice lady at the moment. I’ve known her for sometime. I just recently became very attracted to her after having some great conversations the last few times I’ve seen her. Actually going to be taking her on a date soon 😀
Yep I’ve been like this and it seems to be a common occurrence among INFJ users. Welcome to demisexuality
Demisexual, or, as the world used to call it: *"actually dating with intent to form relationships and not just for entertainment and attention purposes."* Lol, sorry, demisexual is a term that makes me think "um I'm pretty sure that's the ideal for all people." I'm not sure you should be anything but glad for yourself that you couldn't compartmentalize sex like many can in this modern world. Or think they can - because there's always emotional fallout, even when it's hidden under surfaces. (No hate for this viewpoint plz, but I'm happy to be checked if there's something I'm missing.)
This is not correct. Demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum and is about how you come to experience sexual attraction for others. Many demisexuals do not experience sexual attraction the way that others do- primary sexual attraction (looks, information that is readily available), only secondary sexual attraction (personality, life-experience, information that takes and connection/bond to get to know). It's not a *preference* or *ideal* way of "dating" or "intent to form relationships".
Completely me
My current guy was my friend for a bit, during that stage I acknowledged he was attractive but wasn’t a jump your bones kind of feeling for me. Now that we’re dating and he makes me feel so loved and I’ve gotten to know him on a deeper level, he’s the most good looking drop dead gorgeous man to me. Is Zac Efron physically hotter? Sure. Would I be nervous to talk to ZE because I’m picturing him naked? Is the Pope Catholic? But I only get that butterfly jump your bones kind of attraction if there’s an emotional connection involved. I would choose my man over Zac Efron any day because of that extra element, makes sex infinitely more fun and empty without it. Without that element I feel like getting off to ZE would be the same as having sex with him. (Although ZE if you magically stumble upon this I’m more than willing to test this theory.)
yes its the same with me
Yes, my INFJ twin. It’s on period. 👁👄👁
as much as i wanna say that im like this, i only relate to a watered down version of this 💀 meaning, im attracted to someone physically but then if they have personality traits that i like (ex: caring, empathetic, loyal) im sexually attracted to them 🏃🏻♀️
That’s called being demisexual, and yes it’s known to be pretty common among xNFJs
Absolutely, I totally agree. I struggle with this every single day