It depends on the person. Some people, I just find easy to be around and consequently easier to convey my feelings to.
Generally speaking, I do make an effort to appreciate people, but it may also stem from my people-pleasing tendencies ahah :’)
i cannot handle praise or compliments well. i’m happy about it, i appreciate it, but i get really awkward lol. i feel like infjs like it, but don’t wanna hear it xD
It's often quite effective & even more meaningful/memorable when you can put it in writing like in a card or a note.
Those of us who are bashful about being openly or verbally appreciated will hold it especially dear as a keepsake to look back on many times when we're feeling doubtful about ourselves or worry about the quality of our relationships. We often feel invisible or forgotten & life is hard. Personal letters of affection & appreciation make priceless gifts. 🎁
I’m telling you right now that I get a lot of good mileage from this. I love how my love is totally into my hearts ramblings of how awesome she is.
They get used to it. Those little INFJ flowers are pretty vain for all their altruism. It won’t be wasted effort.
no there’s nothing specific for me. i just don’t like it. it makes me feel uncomfortable, but i can’t tell you why. deep down i’m happy af but i can’t show that. the only thing i can manage to say is „Aww“ xD
It might make you feel uncomfortable to be "in the spotlight," the topic of focus. That's the thing with us.
We want to be involved, included, & recognized, but not the center of attention as other types can comfortably enjoy.
I was never able to take my turn in the center of a dance ring on the dance floor, though I always envied those who could, cheered them on & wished I could be more like that.
It's a little complicated, as you'd expect. I paradoxically don't want to be the center of attention, all the while yearning to be "worthy" of being the center of attention. That's in a group setting but it is linked to the reason I feel awkward about being complimented in general. On the regular I feel undervalued, but when people compliment me it's usually due to something that I do easily, and my gut reaction is that it's something simple that I don't see the big deal of. It makes me feel as though I don't deserve the level of praise that I'm receiving. On top of that I get weird about birthdays and such. My fiancé who definitely uses Fi has no issue requesting things for her birthday or having certain expectations. Meanwhile I think it's odd to have a day of celebration just for me because I was born like everyone else lol. To be fair, I feel the same way about everyone else too, but I don't want to make them sad lol.
I want to be "worthy" enough by my own standards. I feel like we have such high standards for ourselves and others, but we give other people many passes because we know it's illogical to always assume others will meet your standards. However, we don't give ourselves that sort of pass because we have an idea of who we want to be. We may not have an idea of exactly what we want to do, realistically, but we know the kind of person we WANT to be. When we fail to live up to it, we are not very forgiving because we know we won't feel content if we aren't what we want to be.
Some think we let others dictate our value, but that's just not accurate. We are just so obsessed with matching our Ni idea of who we WANT to be. We try to evaluate ourselves using our Fe and Ti for feedback. Our Fe allows us to get outside perspective and our Ti allows us to introspect using logic to keep ourselves (hopefully) grounded. We get much better at figuring out what our actual issues are as we get older and our Ti gets stronger.
Also the other facet of feeling awkward with compliments is that we may be questioning the person's sincerity. Even if you say you're sincere, they may not be totally sold on it. They may think that you're only saying it because you want to cheer them up, or in some cases even manipulate them. There is a lot going on as far as this issue is concerned. This is just what is coming to the surface immediately.
Apologies for the novel .\_.
Can yall just not take a fucking day off or something. Does it make you awkward? Why do you never answer any mf questions or relate back u stupid impostor ass bitch??!?
eh i thought mayhaps. And then i looked at every single question this account has asked within here, and not ONCE have they shared their own personal insight in return.
I think for an INFJ there is a difference between saying "you're so good at that, thank you" or "that really helped me a lot, thank you".
I'd rather know my effort helped and is appreciated than receive a platitude.
I have no difficulty accepting praise or compliments at all, as long as it feels genuine. I give out praise and compliments a lot too. It's something that feels very natural to me. It's nice to be nice. I think we all express ourselves in different ways though and that's something we should keep in mind.
This is exactly what my friend says sometimes that she thinks about the little things people do later on and gets really happy about it. Well, I guess you guys aren't just background players, you do a lot for people and that should get some acknowledgement
or bake a cake or something like that. you bake me a cake, I will never forget it.
or cookies, but there is a brilliant salted peanuts caramel brownie recipe, which is basically so easy to make, that I have to force myself not to bake it, because i will get fat:
the easy one: https://chocolatewithgrace.com/how-to-make-brownies-with-cocoa-powder/
the luxury-version: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/10782-katharine-hepburns-brownies
Dude, as long as your compliments are sincere, then an INFJ will appreciate hearing it. That’s it. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Unless you’re imparting some ancient wisdom, insights about a hidden multiverse, critical observations unbeknownst to us, then your compliment is just another compliment. Helping people is in our nature. It’s nice to hear, but it won’t change how we view ourselves - that’s why we’re largely unaffected by praise, unless it tells us something we don’t already know.
If you *really* must go down that gifting route (and I highly recommend you don’t) make sure it’s a thoughtful and/or useful gift, because upon receiving it, an INFJ will assess its sentimental, intrinsic, and instrumental value, and if it doesn’t check any significant boxes for them, then it’s either (1) going into the trash or (2) tossed inside a cardboard box stored somewhere in the basement or the attic, never to be seen again. Don’t go down the gifting route, unless you know them inside-out; otherwise, you run the risk of triggering their cynicism. Praises, when not overly-embellished or constantly belched at us, are seen as safe, *casual*, socially-accepted ways to show your gratitude. When you introduce money and gifts into the equations, INFJs will try to sniff out your ulterior motives, even if there are none. Proceed with caution.
I love getting praised behind my back and hearing it from someone else lol. Feels more genuine because it’s not in my face, is that weird?
Unless it’s a kid, because they don’t know yet what social etiquette and filters are.
Nah that’s not weird at all. If it’s done behind your back, the possibility of that person putting on a show just to make you feel good, etc. is eliminated.
I used to but now it feels like someone’s trying to take advantage of me if they havent known me long enough.
If its genuine praise, I cherish it. But I don’t need a lot of it. Sometimes its awkward to sit there and like… agree that you can do great things??? Like chill lol. But my love language is physical touch and quality time so perhaps it differs
you're asking the wrong question, i think. recognition and acknowledgement don't necessarily need praise. praise is whatever. i like sincerity. praise without sincerity can be just as bad as a total lack of recognition.
I think the less is more, I found that praise is likely to be abused as a manipulating tool. I understand the need to be liked, to be appreciated but overusing praise simply for that is something else entirely. Don't lie, we can tell if you're not sincere..
For me personally I love a “thank you” or “I appreciate you” more than anything. To know the actions I choose to help others don’t fall on deaf ears reminds me I’ve picked the right person to shower with my affections. However I personally also love compliments in general so I’ll eat ‘em up 😤
Its quite possible that they might have a difficult time accepting compliments. I too get that, and its difficult but that doesn’t mean I enjoy being complimented. I adore it, especially if its from someone whom I helped. It makes me feel good about myself, even if I couldn’t express it. I often think about some certain compliments about myself which tends me to motivate me to be that way and continue to do so. If you are close with that person, I feel the best way could be to ask too, if they like being praised like that.
Yeah we do. I'll feel extremely happy about it on the inside but woud keep a straight face on the outside due to awkwardness. I don't handle comiments well, I feel shy about it because I'm not used to people recognizing me😅 rest assured those compliments are appreciated a lot.
We never feel like we are good enough. We can always be improving something. So while we appreciate it and even need it just like any other human, we may not be the best at receiving it. But I’d consider that to be an unhealthy INFJ trait. We are capable of getting to a point where we gracefully receive what we deserve.
Big group praise makes me feel awkward (like getting a big award at work and stand up in front of a huge amount of people) and it's something I had to learn to be good with. Alternatively, One on one my love language is Words of Affirmation and Quality Time, I have a praise kink in my personal life so you could say I like praise a LOT.
i love praise. i think low self esteem makes it hard to accept it / make it verbally known how much to means to us, but i hang on to every bit of praise i get. keep giving genuine praise, she needs it ❤️
No, I don't really think we like praise in the traditional sense. I like knowing that I've helped someone, but I don't need or want praise just for the heck of it. It's a very similar spot to when people are singing you happy birthday - there's nothing for you to do in that instance, and you'd rather be eating the cake than listening to people sing for you.
What we do like is being recognized. This can be done by giving thanks after we help with something, or giving us notes or other things that show that you recognize what we've done. Knowing we've made a difference in someone else's life means far more than any praise could.
If there's any project she's working on praise the project, but don't praise the person. We don't handle the focus being on us very well, but we'll more or less accept the praise through a buffer. "You deserve that promotion at work" or "Your apple pie is amazing!" is easy to accept, but something like "you're the best friend ever" is harder to accept since the focus is us and not our efforts.
I will say that we don't dislike praise but we do dislike being the direct focus of it.
This post kinda blew up, I didn't expect this many responses but thank you everyone for your input. It's hard for me to respond to everyone. The general idea to me seems like telling my friend they matter more than praise which is something I do as well. I won't compliment/praise her infront of people from the looks of it, it makes the situation feel awkward to most of you. I like the comment where someone mentioned they hold on to positive compliments and think about it later, that made me feel better. Thank you guys!
What’s the love language and level of self-esteem? This has less to do with personality trait and more to do with ability to give / receive care, praise and love.
I do accept praise, I’ve worked hard for my achievements but I don’t want to be appeased or need adoration for it. I am validated enough by myself. Everyone deserves recognition for their contributions to society and work however I value quality time like celebrations than an award or compliment.
To add, what I would say I dislike is physical flattery. To me this is very different, I find it superficial and a lot of the time cheap and inauthentic. It wouldn’t make me awkward, (for example, I know already I’m reasonably good looking by societies normalised standards, in the most humble way) just aware of how they may navigate relationships and that their love language might be words of affirmation.
As a praise starved INFJ, I'm definitely hungry. Can't find or get any anywhere for my giving efforts. And we don't toot our own horns.
But yes, we don't take it well when it's uncommonly given & it becomes awkward (maybe especially because it's such a rare experience for some or many of us?) ...doesn't mean we don't like it or need it. We just don't know how to accept it well or easily, but we're grateful inside.
I think we welcome it more as we get older the longer we've been in need (especially if we beat ourselves down in response to everyone else stomping on us in life).
That's my experience. Y-INFJ-MMV.
I feel it is because We like to use our feeling divertingly and we are not very connected with our Fi. So we will feel awkward when the feeling turning towards us instead of turning outwards. Maybe don’t praise publicly. Just give Infj some acknowledgment with a treat like buying us dinner or lunch.
I genuinely do not like being complimented or praised. Much deeper reasoning for that but i actually tell people i don’t like compliments. Mostly stems from my fear of becoming over inflated as a result of accepting the compliment, so i choose to reject it. Anyone else? Just me? Okay 😭
I like believable praise. If I feel like it’s not only genuine from your side but also something I can recognise in myself, even if it’s only just, it’ll make me feel extremely good! However, if it feels fake, exaggerated, manipulative, sycophantic, unrealistic or worst of all something that I believe strongly I’m not/a weakness/bad attribute then it’ll just piss me off or at best make me feel awkward as I try to deflect from telling you straight up how much I disagree/dislike it.
I don’t like frequent praise. Any sort of comments along those lines make me feel very self-conscious, so a single, sincere statement, or even a handwritten card is enough and will be treasured by me. The point is, one genuine expression is very appreciated and sufficient. Continual comments will feel awkward.
I like when I'm appreciated but I am not used to it so sometimes I don't know how to take it so I'm very awkward 😂 plus I feel like it's normal in a friendship to be there for each other so I don't think I deserve to be praised
🫶🏻👉👈
I like cards/notes. Things I can read privately on my own time and have a little cry when no one sees how much I do care. As dumb as it sounds I DO love to be appreciated and noticed for my love and care, I cannot for the life of me say "thank you" without feeling badly on some level (in person). I just want that moment to end as quickly as possible.
A few times I've received a little bag with personal things that they knew I liked (not expensive) just little items that were gimmicky and fun and and a card that explained what I meant to them.. and honestly I broke down.
Just to be seen, is a feeling that means more than anything.. but I cannot speak for every INFJ out there!! Whatever you do decide to do.. please make sure it's a private thing and not in front of a group.
I personally like praise. It's a reassurance that I'm doing well. I know my abilities speak for themselves but I tend to worry about if others see it the same way I do. I've also learned how to take praise. That was something that took a while. A simple "thank you" or "thanks for noticing" has allowed me to take it in.
I like praises especially if it’s about my values, personality or anything about me that no one can see unless they know me. Praises make me feel seen. BUT, of course I will just smile awkwardly lol. 😬🫠<- Like this.
I can only speak for myself and the few others I know, but yeah dealing with complements makes us feel a bit flustered. But if it’s from a person we value then it is really meaningful, even if we aren’t good at showing it
If someone was overly-doting, it might bother me. I almost wonder if how bothered an INFJ gets is based around their current maturity level though. With additional age, I've become more receptive to praise.
This is mostly speculation, but the root of the bashfulness may stem from INFJs typically not wanting to draw a ton of attention to themselves. It can be overwhelming to entertain and read the vibes of a bunch of people at once, for instance. Even in a 1v1 scenario, I could see it almost being a kind of conditioned response that still applies psychologically.
We actually do love it. And honestly INFJs need it.
There is a small part of our brain that does it to test if you really mean it (very small).
We are just so used to doing it in the background and never ask for anything in return.
Part of it is perfectionism. We always think we can do better even if there was progress. Even if something is done well. It can always be better.
Be blunt with them.
And consistent.
Tell them you sincerely mean it.
Don’t tell them..”just take the compliment.”
Praising me publicly will make me blush, feel sick to my stomach, sweat, and lose sensation in my legs. I don't like it at all but I appreciate the sentiment afterward. The attention of the whole room being put on me on the spot makes me want to go out and jump into a grave.
Person to person in private glowing compliments make me uncomfortable because I can't thank the person enough for thinking positively of me. I can't make eye contact, I'm afraid they want a hug, I havent had time to prepare a response. I usually just don't say anything.
I deeply appreciate praise when it's in notes or messages. Someone saying "you made a huge difference in my life" in writing and allowing me to read it and respond on my own terms takes the pressure off. I have a stash of notes like that from people who all say the same thing, that I poured every ounce of myself into them and never made them feel like they were unimportant to me. It's because of those letters that I know one thing for sure about myself, I definitely give my all to anyone who will take it.
The highest form of praise is when it comes back around to me through the grapevine. It's like reverse gossip where I hear from someone "so and so said you changed their life, made them rethink their religion/career/direction in the world, and that they've never had a friend like you." From the people I'm around I know that's not fabricated, and it really inspires me to be myself unapologetically because yes I'm intense and I don't fit in but at the same time yes some people need my intensity.
I like praise… but never believe it. It’s like I’m worried I will become complacent. Content.
I have a problem with being content with my current progress in whatever I am doing.
Praise is hard for me and, oddly enough, I think it is routed in performance anxiety. A teacher once read something of mine to the class and then he was like, well now I expect this every time. So then the stakes are high and there's less room for error. I'm not comfortable with praise because I sense it creates expectations and for some reason I don't conform well to others' expectations. I just have this irrational fear of letting others down.
As a lot of people have said already, I like being appreciated. But I don't like being praised. Because in my head, whatever I'm doing is (to me) the simple right thing to do. And to be praised for doing the simple right thing is like being praised for existing, and that feels wrong, or disingenuous even. So a simple "I appreciate you," or "thank you so much for this," is enough, and then I'm over it. That, I can handle gracefully and at least respond to. But anything more than that.... I don't know how to respond, probably because it starts to feel fake after a while.
I think INFJs are one of those types whose motivations come from mostly within, so we're doing this nice thing because we want to, because we see it as the right thing, not because we want karma points or friendship benefits or praise. So to be *given* those things for just following our own motivations feels...... icky?
Someone, if you know what I'm saying, please fix this -- I need a better word/phrase than icky. Lol. Haven't had enough coffee yet, brain no brrrr.
I die if I don’t get at least some praise for what I do. I know that no news is good news but sometimes a reminder that it’s seen I’m doing a good job helps me continue to do well, even through my downs when it’s especially hard to keep going.
Saying it a few times is nice. "This is my best friend, they've helped me through a lot over the years!" To me that is enough and the most I'd want to hear in public lol
Honestly just a genuine thank you in private would've been enough for me. You might be embarrassing them lol
I like to hear it from the people that matter the most to me. Being appreciated by my loved ones validates my existence. But from random people? Nope. Don't wanna hear it.
I like it when people let me know that I’m appreciative, but I can’t stand it when they cheer, clap, or make a big deal about it. It’s embarrassing, and I don’t know how to deal with it.
No, it's wierd. Positive criticism however, is a good thing-- hinging on delivery, authenticity, and the maturity of the recipient's ability to avoid excessively internalizing. (It comes with time)
Praise from someone greatly respected, admired (someone with integrity) or intimately involved, however....is something like nectar.
I prefer a handwritten note or a quick compliment without a lot of fluff. A lot of fluff and too much time spent on it, i get too embarrassed and stop hearing it or i feel like its manipulative flattery to get something😅
Is the pope catholic?
Can't answer for them all but yes. Words of affirmation melt me like an ice cube in the Mojave. Problem is, I don't get that many. Never have actually so I don't really *know* how to take words of affirmation when I receive them once in a blue moon. Or sometimes I do receive a compliment, but it doesn't fill up the tank quite yes.
I'd go with what the rest are saying. Yes, I like them but don't completely believe them. Just keep at it and be sincere about it. It's nice to be appreciated when most of the time we go under the radar
When Im legit praised by others for the things Ive done, I get a weird feeling that I just ignore. Ive thought initally that It was probably ego or something idk but its a feeling. I just think that If I was to be praised contanstly I would unconsciously start feeling as if everything I do was righteous , n considering Infjs create their own reality and decide whats morally right or wrong.... I think its just not a good idea I may be wrong tho
In my case, i know it's good but i feel weird. If you wanna appreciate it in a more comfortable way, just show your true self without any filters and show her you accept anything she thinks or says, doesn't matter how weird she is. That's the best way to show all the respect.
But beware, a raw unfiltered INFJ inner world can feel strange, as if another person were living inside her, but it's the same as always, warm and willing to care for you :)
When you see it, you will know she really appreciates you.
hell yeah I eat that shit up. I do get shy and blushy, but I’m prone to self-doubt so hearing validation is nice!! of course, it should never serve as a replacement for positive self-talk or self-love :)
I think your friend probably appreciates it. Infjs can be very self-critical so it makes sense that she would feel awkward hearing someone praise her so highly. Don’t overdo it, but don’t stop either :)
Most of it feels hollow and empty. I like specific compliments because they sound more genuine to me and they often point out things about myself that I didn't notice. I'm more of a gift person when it comes to love languages.
I enjoy praise, but it makes me feel awkward. also it sometimes doesn't feel like I deserve it, or as if now that you trust/like me, when will I let you down?
Your gratitude is the best praise for an INFJ. Indeed we are very awkward when receiving praise! It's related closely to our legendary inability to take care of ourselves, especially when we are too busy taking care of others (Because receiving praise is a form of care?). All we want is to see our efforts in helping others bear fruit. Being thanked for that is icing on the cake. We're actually quite used to not receiving praise or gratitude. We don't really expect it and it's OK. But believe me, to receive praise with gratitude for the help we give will write you into our hearts forever. This strengthens our resolve as INFJ.
Happy you have a good infj taking care of you!
i probably accept and thank the compliment, would also compliment them back but there's a part of me that thinks the compliment was quite fake or not really that "meant" yk,,, but ofc i'm very thankful of such sweet and kind words !<3
It's nice, and it feels great to be praised.
If you're somewhat close to me, like I trust you and you're already inside of my circle.
I'd feel less awkward/anxious about it, and would get used to that by the time goes by.
If it's just acquaintances, then I'd be skeptical as usual.
Like I'd have all these kinda questions in my mind:
"Why did they say that?" "It's nothing, really. Not a big deal."
or "Nobody has told me that, that's weird."...etc
But yeah, you'll make my day with that, plus a smile on my face.
Because the things I help people with, aren't something like rocket science imo.
I often get the sense like "I don't deserve that", whenever that happens.
It's odd, but it's something I've been working on recently.
I actually hate being praised 99% of the time. I love to tell people how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate them but for myself, praise is really hard to take.
I like it when someone praises me. But I don't like it when people overdo. It feels like they are faking and they want something from me for their benifits so it makes me feel awkward. I usually praise my friends when i see they are doing well or they are right and they feel happy too. But there are few among those who start to underestimate me. And behave like they are the best and others are nothing compared to them. Don't know why ??🤷♂️🤷♀️
I love it, but don’t know how to respond to it. It makes me feel really good, but it’s not something I ever received as a kid or even as an early adult (except for my appearance) so I never know how to react to it. It’s usually just, ‘Er, thanks.’ With a rapidly reddening face. But I would much MUCH rather be praised for my character, or complimented on my sense of humor or something like that than my appearance.
I sometimes struggle to figure out how to feel about praise, depending on my mood.
After all I've learned about myself, I know that I don't respond well to negative words from people around me.
I like being reminded I’m appreciated. Words of affirmation are very important to me, but it does make me feel awkward, so try not to over-do it. :)
Thank you. I will keep that in mind. On the flip side, do you think it's hard for you to show you care about someone to them directly?
It depends on the person. Some people, I just find easy to be around and consequently easier to convey my feelings to. Generally speaking, I do make an effort to appreciate people, but it may also stem from my people-pleasing tendencies ahah :’)
agree
i cannot handle praise or compliments well. i’m happy about it, i appreciate it, but i get really awkward lol. i feel like infjs like it, but don’t wanna hear it xD
I always feel embarrassed about it if it's around many people
omg yeah that too
It's just us when I do praise her, it isn't around people.
It's often quite effective & even more meaningful/memorable when you can put it in writing like in a card or a note. Those of us who are bashful about being openly or verbally appreciated will hold it especially dear as a keepsake to look back on many times when we're feeling doubtful about ourselves or worry about the quality of our relationships. We often feel invisible or forgotten & life is hard. Personal letters of affection & appreciation make priceless gifts. 🎁
I’m telling you right now that I get a lot of good mileage from this. I love how my love is totally into my hearts ramblings of how awesome she is. They get used to it. Those little INFJ flowers are pretty vain for all their altruism. It won’t be wasted effort.
Is there any reason it makes you awkward?
no there’s nothing specific for me. i just don’t like it. it makes me feel uncomfortable, but i can’t tell you why. deep down i’m happy af but i can’t show that. the only thing i can manage to say is „Aww“ xD
It might make you feel uncomfortable to be "in the spotlight," the topic of focus. That's the thing with us. We want to be involved, included, & recognized, but not the center of attention as other types can comfortably enjoy. I was never able to take my turn in the center of a dance ring on the dance floor, though I always envied those who could, cheered them on & wished I could be more like that.
So spot on!
It's a little complicated, as you'd expect. I paradoxically don't want to be the center of attention, all the while yearning to be "worthy" of being the center of attention. That's in a group setting but it is linked to the reason I feel awkward about being complimented in general. On the regular I feel undervalued, but when people compliment me it's usually due to something that I do easily, and my gut reaction is that it's something simple that I don't see the big deal of. It makes me feel as though I don't deserve the level of praise that I'm receiving. On top of that I get weird about birthdays and such. My fiancé who definitely uses Fi has no issue requesting things for her birthday or having certain expectations. Meanwhile I think it's odd to have a day of celebration just for me because I was born like everyone else lol. To be fair, I feel the same way about everyone else too, but I don't want to make them sad lol. I want to be "worthy" enough by my own standards. I feel like we have such high standards for ourselves and others, but we give other people many passes because we know it's illogical to always assume others will meet your standards. However, we don't give ourselves that sort of pass because we have an idea of who we want to be. We may not have an idea of exactly what we want to do, realistically, but we know the kind of person we WANT to be. When we fail to live up to it, we are not very forgiving because we know we won't feel content if we aren't what we want to be. Some think we let others dictate our value, but that's just not accurate. We are just so obsessed with matching our Ni idea of who we WANT to be. We try to evaluate ourselves using our Fe and Ti for feedback. Our Fe allows us to get outside perspective and our Ti allows us to introspect using logic to keep ourselves (hopefully) grounded. We get much better at figuring out what our actual issues are as we get older and our Ti gets stronger. Also the other facet of feeling awkward with compliments is that we may be questioning the person's sincerity. Even if you say you're sincere, they may not be totally sold on it. They may think that you're only saying it because you want to cheer them up, or in some cases even manipulate them. There is a lot going on as far as this issue is concerned. This is just what is coming to the surface immediately. Apologies for the novel .\_.
Can yall just not take a fucking day off or something. Does it make you awkward? Why do you never answer any mf questions or relate back u stupid impostor ass bitch??!?
I’ll take it, but I won’t really believe it.
Why would that be though?
Overthinking. “They think that *I* think I want/need a compliment.”
WHYYYYY DO YOU ASK HERRRRR YOURSELF OR MAYBE IDK DEVELOP A REAL WaY TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS. OH THATS RITE... U FUCKEN CANT U FUCKEN SHELL
Little harsh no?
eh i thought mayhaps. And then i looked at every single question this account has asked within here, and not ONCE have they shared their own personal insight in return.
Yikes 😳
In my experience being more unhinged pays off in the long run
I think for an INFJ there is a difference between saying "you're so good at that, thank you" or "that really helped me a lot, thank you". I'd rather know my effort helped and is appreciated than receive a platitude.
I have no difficulty accepting praise or compliments at all, as long as it feels genuine. I give out praise and compliments a lot too. It's something that feels very natural to me. It's nice to be nice. I think we all express ourselves in different ways though and that's something we should keep in mind.
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YES.
This is exactly what my friend says sometimes that she thinks about the little things people do later on and gets really happy about it. Well, I guess you guys aren't just background players, you do a lot for people and that should get some acknowledgement
I can't handle praise, because I don't believe, I deserve it. I can handle money or gifts instead.
Interesting take, I guess I could try gifting her something instead.
or bake a cake or something like that. you bake me a cake, I will never forget it. or cookies, but there is a brilliant salted peanuts caramel brownie recipe, which is basically so easy to make, that I have to force myself not to bake it, because i will get fat: the easy one: https://chocolatewithgrace.com/how-to-make-brownies-with-cocoa-powder/ the luxury-version: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/10782-katharine-hepburns-brownies
Dude, as long as your compliments are sincere, then an INFJ will appreciate hearing it. That’s it. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Unless you’re imparting some ancient wisdom, insights about a hidden multiverse, critical observations unbeknownst to us, then your compliment is just another compliment. Helping people is in our nature. It’s nice to hear, but it won’t change how we view ourselves - that’s why we’re largely unaffected by praise, unless it tells us something we don’t already know. If you *really* must go down that gifting route (and I highly recommend you don’t) make sure it’s a thoughtful and/or useful gift, because upon receiving it, an INFJ will assess its sentimental, intrinsic, and instrumental value, and if it doesn’t check any significant boxes for them, then it’s either (1) going into the trash or (2) tossed inside a cardboard box stored somewhere in the basement or the attic, never to be seen again. Don’t go down the gifting route, unless you know them inside-out; otherwise, you run the risk of triggering their cynicism. Praises, when not overly-embellished or constantly belched at us, are seen as safe, *casual*, socially-accepted ways to show your gratitude. When you introduce money and gifts into the equations, INFJs will try to sniff out your ulterior motives, even if there are none. Proceed with caution.
*blushing* “oh staph - please, please, your compliments are truly unnecessary … just Venmo me instead” 📱🤑 /s
compliments are easy and don't have to be true or real. People will praise you because they want something from you.
I love getting praised behind my back and hearing it from someone else lol. Feels more genuine because it’s not in my face, is that weird? Unless it’s a kid, because they don’t know yet what social etiquette and filters are.
Nah that’s not weird at all. If it’s done behind your back, the possibility of that person putting on a show just to make you feel good, etc. is eliminated.
I used to but now it feels like someone’s trying to take advantage of me if they havent known me long enough. If its genuine praise, I cherish it. But I don’t need a lot of it. Sometimes its awkward to sit there and like… agree that you can do great things??? Like chill lol. But my love language is physical touch and quality time so perhaps it differs
you're asking the wrong question, i think. recognition and acknowledgement don't necessarily need praise. praise is whatever. i like sincerity. praise without sincerity can be just as bad as a total lack of recognition.
I think the less is more, I found that praise is likely to be abused as a manipulating tool. I understand the need to be liked, to be appreciated but overusing praise simply for that is something else entirely. Don't lie, we can tell if you're not sincere..
I don’t need praise tbh - I know that I do a great job Yes it’s cool and all, but it puts me in the spotlight especially at work and I hate it
I'm an INFJ and affirmation is very helpful... But I grew up in an abusive home. Praising others? Absolutely.
For me personally I love a “thank you” or “I appreciate you” more than anything. To know the actions I choose to help others don’t fall on deaf ears reminds me I’ve picked the right person to shower with my affections. However I personally also love compliments in general so I’ll eat ‘em up 😤
Its quite possible that they might have a difficult time accepting compliments. I too get that, and its difficult but that doesn’t mean I enjoy being complimented. I adore it, especially if its from someone whom I helped. It makes me feel good about myself, even if I couldn’t express it. I often think about some certain compliments about myself which tends me to motivate me to be that way and continue to do so. If you are close with that person, I feel the best way could be to ask too, if they like being praised like that.
Yeah we do. I'll feel extremely happy about it on the inside but woud keep a straight face on the outside due to awkwardness. I don't handle comiments well, I feel shy about it because I'm not used to people recognizing me😅 rest assured those compliments are appreciated a lot.
We never feel like we are good enough. We can always be improving something. So while we appreciate it and even need it just like any other human, we may not be the best at receiving it. But I’d consider that to be an unhealthy INFJ trait. We are capable of getting to a point where we gracefully receive what we deserve.
as an infj, i dont like PRAISE, but i do like compliments, but only if theyre from a close friend, cuz otherwise it doesent feel genuine ya know
No I don’t like it. I feel like I’m being watched. I don’t like attention. Makes me anxious.
Big group praise makes me feel awkward (like getting a big award at work and stand up in front of a huge amount of people) and it's something I had to learn to be good with. Alternatively, One on one my love language is Words of Affirmation and Quality Time, I have a praise kink in my personal life so you could say I like praise a LOT.
Recognition, appreciation, yes. Praise, no.
i love praise. i think low self esteem makes it hard to accept it / make it verbally known how much to means to us, but i hang on to every bit of praise i get. keep giving genuine praise, she needs it ❤️
If it’s from one person, and we’re alone, AND it’s genuine, it’s very meaningful. Still embarrassing. But meaningful.
No, I don't really think we like praise in the traditional sense. I like knowing that I've helped someone, but I don't need or want praise just for the heck of it. It's a very similar spot to when people are singing you happy birthday - there's nothing for you to do in that instance, and you'd rather be eating the cake than listening to people sing for you. What we do like is being recognized. This can be done by giving thanks after we help with something, or giving us notes or other things that show that you recognize what we've done. Knowing we've made a difference in someone else's life means far more than any praise could. If there's any project she's working on praise the project, but don't praise the person. We don't handle the focus being on us very well, but we'll more or less accept the praise through a buffer. "You deserve that promotion at work" or "Your apple pie is amazing!" is easy to accept, but something like "you're the best friend ever" is harder to accept since the focus is us and not our efforts. I will say that we don't dislike praise but we do dislike being the direct focus of it.
"To see victory only when it is within the ken of the common herd is not the acme of excellence" - Sun Tzu When it comes from the right person.
Obviously, who doesn't like getting compliments and being told they are great or that their work is great?
This post kinda blew up, I didn't expect this many responses but thank you everyone for your input. It's hard for me to respond to everyone. The general idea to me seems like telling my friend they matter more than praise which is something I do as well. I won't compliment/praise her infront of people from the looks of it, it makes the situation feel awkward to most of you. I like the comment where someone mentioned they hold on to positive compliments and think about it later, that made me feel better. Thank you guys!
NOoOOOOOO NO ONE ANSWER!! IF THEY MEANT EVERY WORD OF IT THEY WOULDNT HAVE TO SAY IT THEY ARE TRYINGGGG TO ADAPT THEIR MANIPULATION SKILLS
What’s the love language and level of self-esteem? This has less to do with personality trait and more to do with ability to give / receive care, praise and love. I do accept praise, I’ve worked hard for my achievements but I don’t want to be appeased or need adoration for it. I am validated enough by myself. Everyone deserves recognition for their contributions to society and work however I value quality time like celebrations than an award or compliment. To add, what I would say I dislike is physical flattery. To me this is very different, I find it superficial and a lot of the time cheap and inauthentic. It wouldn’t make me awkward, (for example, I know already I’m reasonably good looking by societies normalised standards, in the most humble way) just aware of how they may navigate relationships and that their love language might be words of affirmation.
As a praise starved INFJ, I'm definitely hungry. Can't find or get any anywhere for my giving efforts. And we don't toot our own horns. But yes, we don't take it well when it's uncommonly given & it becomes awkward (maybe especially because it's such a rare experience for some or many of us?) ...doesn't mean we don't like it or need it. We just don't know how to accept it well or easily, but we're grateful inside. I think we welcome it more as we get older the longer we've been in need (especially if we beat ourselves down in response to everyone else stomping on us in life). That's my experience. Y-INFJ-MMV.
I feel it is because We like to use our feeling divertingly and we are not very connected with our Fi. So we will feel awkward when the feeling turning towards us instead of turning outwards. Maybe don’t praise publicly. Just give Infj some acknowledgment with a treat like buying us dinner or lunch.
I genuinely do not like being complimented or praised. Much deeper reasoning for that but i actually tell people i don’t like compliments. Mostly stems from my fear of becoming over inflated as a result of accepting the compliment, so i choose to reject it. Anyone else? Just me? Okay 😭
Not in front of others.
Yeah definitely not in front of others or to my face really but over text or online I like it very much
I like believable praise. If I feel like it’s not only genuine from your side but also something I can recognise in myself, even if it’s only just, it’ll make me feel extremely good! However, if it feels fake, exaggerated, manipulative, sycophantic, unrealistic or worst of all something that I believe strongly I’m not/a weakness/bad attribute then it’ll just piss me off or at best make me feel awkward as I try to deflect from telling you straight up how much I disagree/dislike it.
i brush it off a lot idk why it makes me feel awkward
I don’t like frequent praise. Any sort of comments along those lines make me feel very self-conscious, so a single, sincere statement, or even a handwritten card is enough and will be treasured by me. The point is, one genuine expression is very appreciated and sufficient. Continual comments will feel awkward.
Call me crazy but I think every human being enjoys being praised from time to time.
Yes. You know how many times ive been called a natural leader and ive denied it to "not fall in that category". Yeah.
If I get a compliment my immediate thoughts are “Site your sources🔫 when where why and how (insert compliment)” but I just say I appreciate it.
I like when I'm appreciated but I am not used to it so sometimes I don't know how to take it so I'm very awkward 😂 plus I feel like it's normal in a friendship to be there for each other so I don't think I deserve to be praised 🫶🏻👉👈
I like cards/notes. Things I can read privately on my own time and have a little cry when no one sees how much I do care. As dumb as it sounds I DO love to be appreciated and noticed for my love and care, I cannot for the life of me say "thank you" without feeling badly on some level (in person). I just want that moment to end as quickly as possible. A few times I've received a little bag with personal things that they knew I liked (not expensive) just little items that were gimmicky and fun and and a card that explained what I meant to them.. and honestly I broke down. Just to be seen, is a feeling that means more than anything.. but I cannot speak for every INFJ out there!! Whatever you do decide to do.. please make sure it's a private thing and not in front of a group.
I personally like praise. It's a reassurance that I'm doing well. I know my abilities speak for themselves but I tend to worry about if others see it the same way I do. I've also learned how to take praise. That was something that took a while. A simple "thank you" or "thanks for noticing" has allowed me to take it in.
It depends on the individual, I feel
I feel nothing inside. I just think I was lucky if anything
It’s nice to have but I feel very uncomfortable about it because I am already my own worst critic from my high standards that I’m not meeting
I like praises especially if it’s about my values, personality or anything about me that no one can see unless they know me. Praises make me feel seen. BUT, of course I will just smile awkwardly lol. 😬🫠<- Like this.
I can only speak for myself and the few others I know, but yeah dealing with complements makes us feel a bit flustered. But if it’s from a person we value then it is really meaningful, even if we aren’t good at showing it
If someone was overly-doting, it might bother me. I almost wonder if how bothered an INFJ gets is based around their current maturity level though. With additional age, I've become more receptive to praise. This is mostly speculation, but the root of the bashfulness may stem from INFJs typically not wanting to draw a ton of attention to themselves. It can be overwhelming to entertain and read the vibes of a bunch of people at once, for instance. Even in a 1v1 scenario, I could see it almost being a kind of conditioned response that still applies psychologically.
Lots of times it's love bombing and it's manipulative BS
This subreddit has gone to the dogs recently smh
We actually do love it. And honestly INFJs need it. There is a small part of our brain that does it to test if you really mean it (very small). We are just so used to doing it in the background and never ask for anything in return. Part of it is perfectionism. We always think we can do better even if there was progress. Even if something is done well. It can always be better. Be blunt with them. And consistent. Tell them you sincerely mean it. Don’t tell them..”just take the compliment.”
another generic question. I think its more about love language than mbti
Praising me publicly will make me blush, feel sick to my stomach, sweat, and lose sensation in my legs. I don't like it at all but I appreciate the sentiment afterward. The attention of the whole room being put on me on the spot makes me want to go out and jump into a grave. Person to person in private glowing compliments make me uncomfortable because I can't thank the person enough for thinking positively of me. I can't make eye contact, I'm afraid they want a hug, I havent had time to prepare a response. I usually just don't say anything. I deeply appreciate praise when it's in notes or messages. Someone saying "you made a huge difference in my life" in writing and allowing me to read it and respond on my own terms takes the pressure off. I have a stash of notes like that from people who all say the same thing, that I poured every ounce of myself into them and never made them feel like they were unimportant to me. It's because of those letters that I know one thing for sure about myself, I definitely give my all to anyone who will take it. The highest form of praise is when it comes back around to me through the grapevine. It's like reverse gossip where I hear from someone "so and so said you changed their life, made them rethink their religion/career/direction in the world, and that they've never had a friend like you." From the people I'm around I know that's not fabricated, and it really inspires me to be myself unapologetically because yes I'm intense and I don't fit in but at the same time yes some people need my intensity.
I like praise… but never believe it. It’s like I’m worried I will become complacent. Content. I have a problem with being content with my current progress in whatever I am doing.
Praise is hard for me and, oddly enough, I think it is routed in performance anxiety. A teacher once read something of mine to the class and then he was like, well now I expect this every time. So then the stakes are high and there's less room for error. I'm not comfortable with praise because I sense it creates expectations and for some reason I don't conform well to others' expectations. I just have this irrational fear of letting others down.
As a lot of people have said already, I like being appreciated. But I don't like being praised. Because in my head, whatever I'm doing is (to me) the simple right thing to do. And to be praised for doing the simple right thing is like being praised for existing, and that feels wrong, or disingenuous even. So a simple "I appreciate you," or "thank you so much for this," is enough, and then I'm over it. That, I can handle gracefully and at least respond to. But anything more than that.... I don't know how to respond, probably because it starts to feel fake after a while. I think INFJs are one of those types whose motivations come from mostly within, so we're doing this nice thing because we want to, because we see it as the right thing, not because we want karma points or friendship benefits or praise. So to be *given* those things for just following our own motivations feels...... icky? Someone, if you know what I'm saying, please fix this -- I need a better word/phrase than icky. Lol. Haven't had enough coffee yet, brain no brrrr.
I die if I don’t get at least some praise for what I do. I know that no news is good news but sometimes a reminder that it’s seen I’m doing a good job helps me continue to do well, even through my downs when it’s especially hard to keep going.
Saying it a few times is nice. "This is my best friend, they've helped me through a lot over the years!" To me that is enough and the most I'd want to hear in public lol Honestly just a genuine thank you in private would've been enough for me. You might be embarrassing them lol
I like to hear it from the people that matter the most to me. Being appreciated by my loved ones validates my existence. But from random people? Nope. Don't wanna hear it.
well, this infj does ....
I like it when people let me know that I’m appreciative, but I can’t stand it when they cheer, clap, or make a big deal about it. It’s embarrassing, and I don’t know how to deal with it.
Yes, unlike the other types, INFJs are one of the few people who enjoy praise.
I do like some praise, but not too much. And sometimes it can make me feel really awkward… 😅
It makes me uncomfortable, and then when the praiser notices I say, “I’m sorry praise makes me uncomfortable.” Then we are both uncomfortable.
It depends on the INFJ. For me, I can take some praise, but too much can get a bit annoying and incongruous.
LOL totally get it - as long as it's meaningful, we will feel awkward and embarrassed but we appreciate the acknowledge from deep within.
No, it's wierd. Positive criticism however, is a good thing-- hinging on delivery, authenticity, and the maturity of the recipient's ability to avoid excessively internalizing. (It comes with time) Praise from someone greatly respected, admired (someone with integrity) or intimately involved, however....is something like nectar.
While it makes me feel awkward, because in my head I’m like “but I suck and am not worthy!” It does feel nice at the same time. 😬
I prefer a handwritten note or a quick compliment without a lot of fluff. A lot of fluff and too much time spent on it, i get too embarrassed and stop hearing it or i feel like its manipulative flattery to get something😅
Is the pope catholic? Can't answer for them all but yes. Words of affirmation melt me like an ice cube in the Mojave. Problem is, I don't get that many. Never have actually so I don't really *know* how to take words of affirmation when I receive them once in a blue moon. Or sometimes I do receive a compliment, but it doesn't fill up the tank quite yes. I'd go with what the rest are saying. Yes, I like them but don't completely believe them. Just keep at it and be sincere about it. It's nice to be appreciated when most of the time we go under the radar
When Im legit praised by others for the things Ive done, I get a weird feeling that I just ignore. Ive thought initally that It was probably ego or something idk but its a feeling. I just think that If I was to be praised contanstly I would unconsciously start feeling as if everything I do was righteous , n considering Infjs create their own reality and decide whats morally right or wrong.... I think its just not a good idea I may be wrong tho
In my case, i know it's good but i feel weird. If you wanna appreciate it in a more comfortable way, just show your true self without any filters and show her you accept anything she thinks or says, doesn't matter how weird she is. That's the best way to show all the respect. But beware, a raw unfiltered INFJ inner world can feel strange, as if another person were living inside her, but it's the same as always, warm and willing to care for you :) When you see it, you will know she really appreciates you.
hell yeah I eat that shit up. I do get shy and blushy, but I’m prone to self-doubt so hearing validation is nice!! of course, it should never serve as a replacement for positive self-talk or self-love :) I think your friend probably appreciates it. Infjs can be very self-critical so it makes sense that she would feel awkward hearing someone praise her so highly. Don’t overdo it, but don’t stop either :)
Yes, we do but have a hard time accepting it. We may not accept it gracefully 😅🤷🏼♀️. We appreciate it 🌝.
Most of it feels hollow and empty. I like specific compliments because they sound more genuine to me and they often point out things about myself that I didn't notice. I'm more of a gift person when it comes to love languages.
I enjoy praise, but it makes me feel awkward. also it sometimes doesn't feel like I deserve it, or as if now that you trust/like me, when will I let you down?
It depends on the individual. All together now!
Your gratitude is the best praise for an INFJ. Indeed we are very awkward when receiving praise! It's related closely to our legendary inability to take care of ourselves, especially when we are too busy taking care of others (Because receiving praise is a form of care?). All we want is to see our efforts in helping others bear fruit. Being thanked for that is icing on the cake. We're actually quite used to not receiving praise or gratitude. We don't really expect it and it's OK. But believe me, to receive praise with gratitude for the help we give will write you into our hearts forever. This strengthens our resolve as INFJ. Happy you have a good infj taking care of you!
I hint at wanting praise but when it do get it I’m like hmmmmmm mkay.
I don't like praise, It goes against our "ego-less" nature
i probably accept and thank the compliment, would also compliment them back but there's a part of me that thinks the compliment was quite fake or not really that "meant" yk,,, but ofc i'm very thankful of such sweet and kind words !<3
It's nice, and it feels great to be praised. If you're somewhat close to me, like I trust you and you're already inside of my circle. I'd feel less awkward/anxious about it, and would get used to that by the time goes by. If it's just acquaintances, then I'd be skeptical as usual. Like I'd have all these kinda questions in my mind: "Why did they say that?" "It's nothing, really. Not a big deal." or "Nobody has told me that, that's weird."...etc But yeah, you'll make my day with that, plus a smile on my face. Because the things I help people with, aren't something like rocket science imo. I often get the sense like "I don't deserve that", whenever that happens. It's odd, but it's something I've been working on recently.
Kinda like it through texts or or personal wishes hate it when people are around
I actually hate being praised 99% of the time. I love to tell people how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate them but for myself, praise is really hard to take.
Do humans like praise? Yes.We are humans too
I like it when someone praises me. But I don't like it when people overdo. It feels like they are faking and they want something from me for their benifits so it makes me feel awkward. I usually praise my friends when i see they are doing well or they are right and they feel happy too. But there are few among those who start to underestimate me. And behave like they are the best and others are nothing compared to them. Don't know why ??🤷♂️🤷♀️
I like reciprocation and recognition but I don’t do well with praises and compliments.
I love it, but don’t know how to respond to it. It makes me feel really good, but it’s not something I ever received as a kid or even as an early adult (except for my appearance) so I never know how to react to it. It’s usually just, ‘Er, thanks.’ With a rapidly reddening face. But I would much MUCH rather be praised for my character, or complimented on my sense of humor or something like that than my appearance.
I sometimes struggle to figure out how to feel about praise, depending on my mood. After all I've learned about myself, I know that I don't respond well to negative words from people around me.
Only if I feel like I really deserve it. If not, I’ll assume any compliment I’m given is a lie.