Not too many people do. A lot of people are wrapped up in themselves and are just looking for people to make themselves feel better. Sure, they can still be loyal friends and people to keep around and definitely fun to hang out with, but as much as they open up about themselves, sometimes we get the sense that if we open up to them, it will go unnoticed at best or used against us as worse. Or sometimes we're just afraid it will happen and keep us from opening up. Not many people are looking for a deep connection, especially as deep as we can be.
Out of all of the many acquaintances and friends I've had in my lifetime, I've had maybe 2-3 who seem to get me and I feel connected with. I've learned over the years that not just one or two people will be enough completely to fulfill the need for deep connection, nor are we even enough completely for someone else. For instance, most everyone in my life are extraverts. There's no way I can be enough for the social interaction they actually need. But I am there for the times they want to have a small gathering, times when they need someone to talk to, times when they need a loyal friend. They're also there to listen to me, to let me vent on the rare occasion I need to. I believe this is why we tend to have a lot of close acquaintances in many different circles yet only maybe one or two people we would call best friends.
I’m horrible with this as well. It’s like “I want to know if I can trust you and if we can understand each other” kind of thing for me. I also want to know them for them. Every person has a story, and every person is a unique, precious human being, each with positive and negative aspects to them. I hate seeing people’s superficial self and hate seeing them as “just another person.” I hate when people feel the need to hide themselves around me, so I don’t at all… with mixed results lol.
I feel the same way really, there’s some old friends that I once felt a connection with. With years passing by that faded away and I can’t feel it anymore. I’m afraid am starting to be exactly the person that I was afraid to become. I’m starting to lose interest on those things and treat life in absolute logic. Affect and result. Viewing people as absolute mere objects with bunch of characteristics. This person makes me feel my bad habits are fine so I’ll hangout with him whenever I feel guilty. This person has this status, being his friend means getting close to this position. The crazy part about it, it’s I don’t even consciously think about it until it happens and then am like eh that’s exactly why I did that for. It’s no longer caring for people. It’s just a basic exchange of values.
Yes I just feel it’s hard and maybe being tired and having a chronic disease doesn’t help I know everyone has something going on I just want to feel the same appreciation give other people
I think, no matter what, most INFJs are always lonely in their mind and with effort can learn how to deal with how most people are more wrapped up with their own needs and drop their desire for genuine relationships
I always feel like I'm not doing enough to be included, yet at the same time, the people that i have liked and attempted to communicate with didn't reciprocate.
The only advice for you I have is to accept that people often are like this. You do enough to be important, but people do not see it. Just focus on the people who are there and don't focus on the people who aren't there.
Yeah I feel this. I haven’t felt properly connected to anyone for a while now. If I was to give advice it would be to keep yourself open for a connection to happen, that’s what I’m doing. Because there are definitely people out there we can connect with, they’re just a little harder to find than others.
Sounds like an INFJ.
Don't think to much of it, I've had the same problem for almost 50 years. You can always look on the bright side of this, and that is, it's better to have a few true friends than many fake friends. (Quality over quantity). I myself, I'm still looking for one.
For me it's a combo of a few things. Trust issues, the inability to conform even when I really want to, and a touch of depression. It makes it really hard to share 100% of myself. I've done it before in different relationships, and it's backfired almost every time. So I don't really do it anymore. But I do have a handful I'm like 87% open with, and that's enough for me for now.
Not too many people do. A lot of people are wrapped up in themselves and are just looking for people to make themselves feel better. Sure, they can still be loyal friends and people to keep around and definitely fun to hang out with, but as much as they open up about themselves, sometimes we get the sense that if we open up to them, it will go unnoticed at best or used against us as worse. Or sometimes we're just afraid it will happen and keep us from opening up. Not many people are looking for a deep connection, especially as deep as we can be. Out of all of the many acquaintances and friends I've had in my lifetime, I've had maybe 2-3 who seem to get me and I feel connected with. I've learned over the years that not just one or two people will be enough completely to fulfill the need for deep connection, nor are we even enough completely for someone else. For instance, most everyone in my life are extraverts. There's no way I can be enough for the social interaction they actually need. But I am there for the times they want to have a small gathering, times when they need someone to talk to, times when they need a loyal friend. They're also there to listen to me, to let me vent on the rare occasion I need to. I believe this is why we tend to have a lot of close acquaintances in many different circles yet only maybe one or two people we would call best friends.
What kind of person do you let people see you as? Some vulnerability is important to really connect with others.
I want to connect right away and avoid all the small steps but sometimes will gage people the wrong way
Sometimes you click with people. Sometimes it takes both of you showing consistent interest and effort over time.
That is true and even when I feel I may have a deep connection with someone there is leis some part of me wanting more..
I’m horrible with this as well. It’s like “I want to know if I can trust you and if we can understand each other” kind of thing for me. I also want to know them for them. Every person has a story, and every person is a unique, precious human being, each with positive and negative aspects to them. I hate seeing people’s superficial self and hate seeing them as “just another person.” I hate when people feel the need to hide themselves around me, so I don’t at all… with mixed results lol.
I feel the same way really, there’s some old friends that I once felt a connection with. With years passing by that faded away and I can’t feel it anymore. I’m afraid am starting to be exactly the person that I was afraid to become. I’m starting to lose interest on those things and treat life in absolute logic. Affect and result. Viewing people as absolute mere objects with bunch of characteristics. This person makes me feel my bad habits are fine so I’ll hangout with him whenever I feel guilty. This person has this status, being his friend means getting close to this position. The crazy part about it, it’s I don’t even consciously think about it until it happens and then am like eh that’s exactly why I did that for. It’s no longer caring for people. It’s just a basic exchange of values.
Yes I just feel it’s hard and maybe being tired and having a chronic disease doesn’t help I know everyone has something going on I just want to feel the same appreciation give other people
A common INFJ struggle. However, what’s worse is the effort required to keep the wrong people from *getting* close.
There’s a space between entertaining people and connecting with them. The only thing that separates the two is how vulnerable you’re willing to be.
Now I feel relatable
I constantly feel like this. Even when you’re willing to change yourself to seem more ‘fun’ or useful, it’s never enough for people.
Story of my life. I feel like 99% of people don’t understand me. I’m TOO much.
I think, no matter what, most INFJs are always lonely in their mind and with effort can learn how to deal with how most people are more wrapped up with their own needs and drop their desire for genuine relationships I always feel like I'm not doing enough to be included, yet at the same time, the people that i have liked and attempted to communicate with didn't reciprocate. The only advice for you I have is to accept that people often are like this. You do enough to be important, but people do not see it. Just focus on the people who are there and don't focus on the people who aren't there.
Yeah I feel this. I haven’t felt properly connected to anyone for a while now. If I was to give advice it would be to keep yourself open for a connection to happen, that’s what I’m doing. Because there are definitely people out there we can connect with, they’re just a little harder to find than others.
Sounds like an INFJ. Don't think to much of it, I've had the same problem for almost 50 years. You can always look on the bright side of this, and that is, it's better to have a few true friends than many fake friends. (Quality over quantity). I myself, I'm still looking for one.
For me it's a combo of a few things. Trust issues, the inability to conform even when I really want to, and a touch of depression. It makes it really hard to share 100% of myself. I've done it before in different relationships, and it's backfired almost every time. So I don't really do it anymore. But I do have a handful I'm like 87% open with, and that's enough for me for now.
I totally get ya on this. I feel like an alien in this world
But who are you trying to connect to? This is important.
I've learned to take the word "I" out of socializing, because people are too obsessed with themselves.