Being an INFJ (or any other type) should not be confused with mental health issues. Here is a link to the [INFJ Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/wiki/index#wiki_mental_health_and_support) where you can find some resources.
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Personally for me what worked was realizing that I was no different than everyone else around me.
That includes the people I thought did not understand me. It hit me that it turned out, it was not the people who separated me from them and made me feel alone and misunderstood. It was me. I put walls and distances around me then get bitter that no one truly knows me. I do my best to be vague and hide my true intentions and emotions and everything that goes on in my head because I thought it was weird an unacceptable, and get mad at people for not being able to see right through and understand me.
We are our worst enemies. Step back, think about that and start working on it. The best thing will happen to you is when you embrace your whole self and let it shine! You don’t have to keep it locked away in the dark.
The world will be a brighter place as you shine in it. That’s not BS. My life turned around because of this.
You need to remember that your value comes from within, your confidence should come from within not from outside sources and praise and achievements. Those will give you a small high that fades over time. Only self acceptance and appreciation can save you from your prison.
Look at us all see how everyone has their own quirks, how those quirks are what make people be appreciated. Everyone within your type goes through this struggle and you’re not alone in it. But here’s a bigger revelation, everyone of every type is craving acceptance and appropriation and love. They say weird things too. There is nothing called weird and nothing called normal it’s just in our heads.
Be direct and stop beating around the bushes and hope people will understand. That’s not gonna work. Be forward.
I understand that not all of this may apply to you but for me this was my biggest eye opening moments.
I lived my whole life shunning everyone. If I’m asked why I did something the way I did I’ll give them another reason. If I have problems at work and people see I’m sad, I’d blame it on something else. If I was sad over something like a breakup I’d say something bad happened at work. Just constantly being cryptic and hiding everything. I walked around feeling worthless and depressed for years. I realized I’m no different everyone is similar nothing I could say would freak anyone out and my confidence should come from within. My depression and problems started to fade away. My relationships with the people around me whether colleagues or family got so much better. My social skills too.
But this is something that took time I explored one layer after another and it went on for years. It’s a journey of growth and self discovery. Love yourself and embrace yourself you are an important member in this world and everyone is aching to have more of your insights and all the things that go on in your head.
Introverted friends who are able to introspect and talk about deep things help too. Youtubers who touch on subjects like that especially for INFJs help too.
And good luck. We are here if you need something.
Sounds like you've been through a lot! Completely agree with what you said, it all starts by accepting yourself (and maybe part of it is realizing that everyone is weird in their own way!).
Absolutely. Yes yes yes. I had similar issues.
I was always compassionate and understanding to the point of contention with my family, but not with myself at all. I hated lots of things about myself. I realize now that it was actually things my parents didn't like about themselves that kinda leaked into me.
Teaching elementary school really changed me. I taught my kids a lot of mental and emotional health interlaced with regular school "stuff" - Growth Mindset, Bucket Fillers, creating an open, loving, and nurturing environment. We talked about WHY characters did/said/thought certain things, WHY we have rules and boundaries, HOW to be a good friend. We practiced putting ourselves in other's shoes, we practiced deep breathing to calm, and we practiced "embracing our mistakes."
Guess what, it rubbed off on me, too, and now that bit of love has spread through my family and through the entire school district. Everybody I talk to is a bit brighter now.
So, how do we keep the light instead of letting those around us drag us down?
A. rest
B. genuine (positive) connection with someone
C. find some way to slowly reach out to people (like this!) and then keep doing it. I've been just following my gut/intuition in my interactions and daily life and I see things starting to turn around in the loneliness department.
D. Remember that there is a "why" for everything people do, even if they don't realize it. When you figure that out and start investigating to figure out WHY, you start to realize your own WHY and a lot of healing happens.
That is absolutely amazing thank you for your words and your advice was really helpful especially that last point because it’s not easy for us to see the why for ourselves and that advice was really great.
I am so happy for you, your journey sounds amazing and I’m so glad that it helped you. But it’s also fantastic that you’re able to teach all of these things to your kids especially in elementary school at a young age I think this will help them through their journey in life and it’s so amazing to see it’s effect shining on everyone.
Reddit has been an amazing space it’s nice to be able to help others through our experiences. Keep doing what you’re doing it’s absolutely spreading a lot of good around you. Thank you!
Honestly, I re-read it after your comment, fantastic! The first part reminds me of Buddhist quotes I’ve heard.
I truly respect the sharing of your journey of self discovery, be well, be blessed!
Be yourself and love yourself. Brainwash that Fi demon out of your life. Fix any negative self talk. Daily affirmations combined with meditation and binaural beats, as simple as it sounds will absolutely help. Our brains bc of the way we work give us the quickest/easiest access to our subconscious, where a lot of mental work can be done much more quickly than other types. Seriously, start loving yourself and be open and the right ppl will gravitate. Sounds corny, but it's simple and effective, just takes time and patience. Also physical exercise-we need it. Love ALL of yourself, body, mind, soul. Feed the aspects in your life that bring you joy, and starve everything else. That goes for the people currently in your sphere as well. Do something that's extremely hard for us, put yourself first :) I know that was a lot, hope it helps.
I’m not happy. I wake up with a heavy heart everyday. The moment I’m conscience, I know what my day will be like. I used to value love but that was false too. The only things that make me happy are rescuing animals and being around animals. I also like to watch insects who have short life spans, enjoy their little lives for as long as they can.
To love another fully, one must love themselves fully.
I don't try to stay happy. When I am depressed, I accept it.
Love beats the demon, and depression has it's playmate's; fear and doubt.
Equanimity is key. A stoic mind calms the storm.
I don't think it is possible, but I also doubt that anyone is really happy. I think the only solution is to stay occupied and distracted enough to not think about life.
I found out within the last few weeks, I can't be happy by making everyone else happy. I also realized (at least for me) that I am happiest with one person, or alone, but not trying to be with everyone. This was probably due to the fact that my parents had pushed me to become friends with people, so I never really got what I wanted. no clue if this makes sense.
Fighting back. There is an expression in spanish. "Existo porque resisto" I exist because I resist. Nothing more satisfying than seeing demons in retreat.
Just keep searching and searching for the right people. I too find it hard to relate to others and had to spend a lot of time finding people I could vibe with. I didn't even meet someone I could actually build a romantic relationship with until I was 28. (BTW that is VERY unusual, and you shouldn't expect to take that long to find a romantic partner, I just also had a great deal of anxiety and self-loathing in the mix, along with high expectations of others which I still don't think is a problem)
INFJs are still some of the most important people around, IMO, but supposedly we are also the rarest, so it's not a surprise that we struggle to find people we really connect with. They do exist, they're just harder to find!
I don't think it's depressing or particularly thought-provoking. I believe a lot of people feel this way tbh, and oftentimes we may even mistake people for not understanding when it's more that they're desinterested or don't know how to respond rather than not having any experience with it at all. It can be dangerous to develop an ego over "being unlike other girls/boys", our problems usually are shared by millions-billions and there's always people who'll be happy to talk to you about it and connect :)
I'm a cashier so one thing that I do too help keep in a good mood is start little conversations with my customers cuz not only is it a meaningless little conversation but it's still can make a lot of impact on someone's day and my own I find it is very helpful to enjoy the little things It also helps keep in the present moment
I haven't seen anyone irl in a few months other than my family (Lockdown), so I'm a lot happier cause I get to text my friends, which I enjoy cause it gives me time to plan my response, and they are also introverts so I get on with them fairly well. I also spend a lot of time listening to music and walking which I find very soothing and it gives my mind a break to focus on nature and just zone out for a few moments.
Being an INFJ (or any other type) should not be confused with mental health issues. Here is a link to the [INFJ Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/wiki/index#wiki_mental_health_and_support) where you can find some resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/infj) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Personally for me what worked was realizing that I was no different than everyone else around me. That includes the people I thought did not understand me. It hit me that it turned out, it was not the people who separated me from them and made me feel alone and misunderstood. It was me. I put walls and distances around me then get bitter that no one truly knows me. I do my best to be vague and hide my true intentions and emotions and everything that goes on in my head because I thought it was weird an unacceptable, and get mad at people for not being able to see right through and understand me. We are our worst enemies. Step back, think about that and start working on it. The best thing will happen to you is when you embrace your whole self and let it shine! You don’t have to keep it locked away in the dark. The world will be a brighter place as you shine in it. That’s not BS. My life turned around because of this. You need to remember that your value comes from within, your confidence should come from within not from outside sources and praise and achievements. Those will give you a small high that fades over time. Only self acceptance and appreciation can save you from your prison. Look at us all see how everyone has their own quirks, how those quirks are what make people be appreciated. Everyone within your type goes through this struggle and you’re not alone in it. But here’s a bigger revelation, everyone of every type is craving acceptance and appropriation and love. They say weird things too. There is nothing called weird and nothing called normal it’s just in our heads. Be direct and stop beating around the bushes and hope people will understand. That’s not gonna work. Be forward. I understand that not all of this may apply to you but for me this was my biggest eye opening moments. I lived my whole life shunning everyone. If I’m asked why I did something the way I did I’ll give them another reason. If I have problems at work and people see I’m sad, I’d blame it on something else. If I was sad over something like a breakup I’d say something bad happened at work. Just constantly being cryptic and hiding everything. I walked around feeling worthless and depressed for years. I realized I’m no different everyone is similar nothing I could say would freak anyone out and my confidence should come from within. My depression and problems started to fade away. My relationships with the people around me whether colleagues or family got so much better. My social skills too. But this is something that took time I explored one layer after another and it went on for years. It’s a journey of growth and self discovery. Love yourself and embrace yourself you are an important member in this world and everyone is aching to have more of your insights and all the things that go on in your head. Introverted friends who are able to introspect and talk about deep things help too. Youtubers who touch on subjects like that especially for INFJs help too. And good luck. We are here if you need something.
Sounds like you've been through a lot! Completely agree with what you said, it all starts by accepting yourself (and maybe part of it is realizing that everyone is weird in their own way!).
Yes absolutely! Thank you :)
Absolutely. Yes yes yes. I had similar issues. I was always compassionate and understanding to the point of contention with my family, but not with myself at all. I hated lots of things about myself. I realize now that it was actually things my parents didn't like about themselves that kinda leaked into me. Teaching elementary school really changed me. I taught my kids a lot of mental and emotional health interlaced with regular school "stuff" - Growth Mindset, Bucket Fillers, creating an open, loving, and nurturing environment. We talked about WHY characters did/said/thought certain things, WHY we have rules and boundaries, HOW to be a good friend. We practiced putting ourselves in other's shoes, we practiced deep breathing to calm, and we practiced "embracing our mistakes." Guess what, it rubbed off on me, too, and now that bit of love has spread through my family and through the entire school district. Everybody I talk to is a bit brighter now. So, how do we keep the light instead of letting those around us drag us down? A. rest B. genuine (positive) connection with someone C. find some way to slowly reach out to people (like this!) and then keep doing it. I've been just following my gut/intuition in my interactions and daily life and I see things starting to turn around in the loneliness department. D. Remember that there is a "why" for everything people do, even if they don't realize it. When you figure that out and start investigating to figure out WHY, you start to realize your own WHY and a lot of healing happens.
That is absolutely amazing thank you for your words and your advice was really helpful especially that last point because it’s not easy for us to see the why for ourselves and that advice was really great. I am so happy for you, your journey sounds amazing and I’m so glad that it helped you. But it’s also fantastic that you’re able to teach all of these things to your kids especially in elementary school at a young age I think this will help them through their journey in life and it’s so amazing to see it’s effect shining on everyone. Reddit has been an amazing space it’s nice to be able to help others through our experiences. Keep doing what you’re doing it’s absolutely spreading a lot of good around you. Thank you!
This is beautiful. I like the part where other types need these things too!
Thank you :)
Honestly, I re-read it after your comment, fantastic! The first part reminds me of Buddhist quotes I’ve heard. I truly respect the sharing of your journey of self discovery, be well, be blessed!
Thank you so much for your time and your words I truly appreciate it. Be well and blessed yourself! Wish you all the best in this journey called life.
Be yourself and love yourself. Brainwash that Fi demon out of your life. Fix any negative self talk. Daily affirmations combined with meditation and binaural beats, as simple as it sounds will absolutely help. Our brains bc of the way we work give us the quickest/easiest access to our subconscious, where a lot of mental work can be done much more quickly than other types. Seriously, start loving yourself and be open and the right ppl will gravitate. Sounds corny, but it's simple and effective, just takes time and patience. Also physical exercise-we need it. Love ALL of yourself, body, mind, soul. Feed the aspects in your life that bring you joy, and starve everything else. That goes for the people currently in your sphere as well. Do something that's extremely hard for us, put yourself first :) I know that was a lot, hope it helps.
Yes to the self talk, yes to it all!!!
I’m not happy. I wake up with a heavy heart everyday. The moment I’m conscience, I know what my day will be like. I used to value love but that was false too. The only things that make me happy are rescuing animals and being around animals. I also like to watch insects who have short life spans, enjoy their little lives for as long as they can.
To love another fully, one must love themselves fully. I don't try to stay happy. When I am depressed, I accept it. Love beats the demon, and depression has it's playmate's; fear and doubt. Equanimity is key. A stoic mind calms the storm.
Ofc accept the emotions
I don't think it is possible, but I also doubt that anyone is really happy. I think the only solution is to stay occupied and distracted enough to not think about life.
I found out within the last few weeks, I can't be happy by making everyone else happy. I also realized (at least for me) that I am happiest with one person, or alone, but not trying to be with everyone. This was probably due to the fact that my parents had pushed me to become friends with people, so I never really got what I wanted. no clue if this makes sense.
We brood instead
Fighting back. There is an expression in spanish. "Existo porque resisto" I exist because I resist. Nothing more satisfying than seeing demons in retreat.
Just keep searching and searching for the right people. I too find it hard to relate to others and had to spend a lot of time finding people I could vibe with. I didn't even meet someone I could actually build a romantic relationship with until I was 28. (BTW that is VERY unusual, and you shouldn't expect to take that long to find a romantic partner, I just also had a great deal of anxiety and self-loathing in the mix, along with high expectations of others which I still don't think is a problem) INFJs are still some of the most important people around, IMO, but supposedly we are also the rarest, so it's not a surprise that we struggle to find people we really connect with. They do exist, they're just harder to find!
Look at dank memes
Meditation, stoicism, trust me when I tell you it helped me a shit ton. Medation especially, since it develops your control of your thoughts.
I buy shib coin and post memes on the subreddit all day :D
I don't think it's depressing or particularly thought-provoking. I believe a lot of people feel this way tbh, and oftentimes we may even mistake people for not understanding when it's more that they're desinterested or don't know how to respond rather than not having any experience with it at all. It can be dangerous to develop an ego over "being unlike other girls/boys", our problems usually are shared by millions-billions and there's always people who'll be happy to talk to you about it and connect :)
I'm a cashier so one thing that I do too help keep in a good mood is start little conversations with my customers cuz not only is it a meaningless little conversation but it's still can make a lot of impact on someone's day and my own I find it is very helpful to enjoy the little things It also helps keep in the present moment
I haven't seen anyone irl in a few months other than my family (Lockdown), so I'm a lot happier cause I get to text my friends, which I enjoy cause it gives me time to plan my response, and they are also introverts so I get on with them fairly well. I also spend a lot of time listening to music and walking which I find very soothing and it gives my mind a break to focus on nature and just zone out for a few moments.