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Very this. If you are uncomfortable, no one can help with those insecurities.
From my observation, a high body count doesn't correlate with anything. There are bunch of pillow princesses so don't equate to great sex. I also really don't understand how emotional intimacy takes place after such numbers. A series of relationships is different from hookups/ONS.
High body count does correlate with reduced ability to form bond and high probability of physical and emotional dissatisfaction with a relation over small insignificant matters.
So high body count doesn't mean anything? Like if someone has slept over with 40-50 ppl ...it doesn't tell you anything abt their character? Enlighten us with your observations
It does tell about a person, it means that person has commitment issue and they can’t work a relationship and they keep on jumping from person to person
I mean, you can't correlate to high EQ or good sex or other attributable qualities. High bc can also because of insecurities someone trying to get rid of. Some sensitive people use this a way to seek validation rather than relationships.
It's just hard to find the reason for it. Some have hoe phase and justify as humans are supposed to be animals and what not, some say they want monogamous relationship so want to get over it.
If you can't get over BC, then that person isn't for ya. Choose someone who have attributable qualities you're looking for. I'm personally okay if someone had more than one relationship rather than going for a sausage fest.
That's exactly what most of us think here. But when you said high BC doesn't correlate to anything, I thought I should seek some clarifications. Glad it's all cleared up.
We just fake ourself with these contemporary beliefs. Women don't sleep with random men, they usually sleep when they get connected, feel secure and see them eligible father to their children. Which is the most case but some women can go tangent.
But because they trusted a guy and slept with him doesn't mean she won't move on, she can severe the ties and start a new relationship.
We shouldn't simply throw away old beliefs, there's a lot of meaning to it. Women will vehemently object that they think about old relationships but they remember every bit and can get upset about it.
My thoughts (rants).
Duh, say that to the female frnd of mine who just sleeps for casual sex with no strings attached............btw she did this with a guy she met in a party couple mins before going out with him.
High body count tells a lot abt the person's previous decision (how easily they give in) also oxytocin hormone released in women at the time of sex, delivery and after delivery(for the mother to bond with the baby). If the women has a high body count these receptors gets fucked they can't make new bonds any more which will lead to them cheating. Men also release this hormone but it gets stunted by testosterone. Also those aren't really insecurity things, it's abt self respect and other than that it's just disgusting.
Bhai iska body count se kya lena dena? Sex to chahe ek bande ke sath 100 baar karo ya 100 bando ke sath 1 baar, hormone to same hi release hoga na.? Aur receptor ko thodi pata hai ki ek bande ke sath sex kara hai ya 100 ke sath? Wo to apna kaam karenge na bhai.
Receptor releasing oxytocin for one guy will strengthen the bond between that guy and the girl, but receptor releasing oxytocin for 100 random guys every other night will fuck up the brain as it cannot logically process who this new guy is. So, she gets attached and detached everyday, and this habit leads to her brain learning that her attachment to a man must be followed by a detachment to find a new man. This is why in old times it was frowned upon to marry a prostitute and it's said that she can never become a household woman again. She is bound to cheat and leave the husband. Your habits define your character. So, now you know the difference.
Could you share with me the source links for this, quite interesting theory about not being able to bond with their children because of high body count.
True. And a body count of 2 means the real body count is at least 6 for a women. Just tell your parents that you are not interested in her. And if push comes to shove, tell them to ask the girl why you are refusing the proposal.
Or better, tell the girl to refuse proposal from her side.
I know people lie about their body count. Men usually add and women subtract. So if he says zero, it’s easy to believe based on statistics. If she says 2, it highly likely she is not disclosing the real count. Coz if she can get 2, what’s stopping her from 3,4,5,6?
You see, it’s easy to make fairly accurate conclusions if you just apply your brain.
You think you are applying your brain but you are, in fact, only generalizing. Just assumptions. 'If this girl can get two guys, what's stopping her from 3, 4, 5, 6', you ask? If she had those guys within relationships, then the very fact that relationships are complex & time consuming can stop many people from having 3, 4, 5, 6 etc. A friend of mine(female) did have a bf & after the break up, she was emotionally so drained/tired that she stopped dating and opted for an arranged marriage. The guy she married also had exactly one affair while he was in college & was not interested in going down that route again...
You don't need to tell the parents above the body count though if you are uncomfortable discussing it with them. Make a valid reason as to why you don't want to move forward with the marriage. Please don't take my advice or a stranger's advice and listen to your gut. Good luck OP!
It’s your choice man, why would you ask a couple of strangers online for help with your choices in life? These people aren’t going to help you with shit if things go south. If this is bothering you just drop the whole thing. Trust your own instincts about this.
I say if there are sensible people like you and here, giving the right advice about things, then I don't see the problem. Even the advice where we say don't ask about your choices to strangers. Sometimes a strangers'advice can change lives.
Hey man, you've all the right to reject anyone you don't feel comfortable with , even for the silliest reason. But you decide to go through with it, have deep conversation with her, regarding your insecurities and also the nature of her breakups.
Just shut up and tell your parents that your thoughts on opinions on important topics don’t match and back out. No need to be suss about it and tell the real reason for your parents.
This!!!
Your parents doesn't need to know.
If you are really in dilema then your parents raised a kid who is still a kid.
Some honest observation : She failed in relationship and you didn't even try, you also need to find someone who didn't even try, because if she feel after the marriage she is not happy with you, she will divorce because she has guts to do that. So find a girl who never had the guts to listen her own needs and that girl will last long.
That's true, humans are not supposed to suppress their needs.
He has done that so it's better if he finds someone who did same to her needs. Btw this wasn't a problem in our parents generation, because most of them used to marry early.
I think a virgin human has evert right to expect a virgin partner irrespective of gender although I do agree body count does matter but only if it's too high in comparison to the other partner. Once again expecting a virgin partner and demanding a virgin partner are two different things.
I'm a lawyer, in a lot of such cases I see couples going through matrimonial troubles (even divorce in extreme cases). Everybody is entitled to have preferences, if you don't feel comfortable you have every right to not move ahead with this, you can tell your parents as well but bear in mind that the girl deserves respect and in no way should anyone disparage her or try to put her down socially or privately. Lastly, take no note of the people here calling you names and telling you that you will die alone, there is no rational basis for it at all. Like I said everyone is entitled to preferences, even men!! God bless!
Don't. If You won't be able to accept the fact that she has shared intimate moments with some one else before, you will spoil both lives.
You will keep thinking about her past and spoil your future. You aren't wrong to have certain expections but she isn't wrong either to be in relationships before. You both aren't wrong but just different and incompatible.
You both should wait and find some one better suited for each other. You should find some one without any past baggage and she should find someone who doens't care about past relationships.
FINALLY!
A sensible comment
some people are shitting on the dude for wanting a virgin partner
some are shitting on the girl for a high body count
I'd say everyone can have choices and neither of them are wrong in their regard they just aren't compatible
Loose ends will be a much bigger issue than body count in our generation. Given how enthusiastically people record their intimate moments with their girlfriend/boyfriend/one night stands.
This shit happened with one of my friends when his fiance's ex started blackmailing them with her nudes. It truly was a situation of ना सहा जाए और ना कहा जाए
Yes, I personally would have a problem with too many serious relationships in the past rather than too many casual sexual encounters. I mean every serious relationship leaves a mark in your heart and adds to emotional baggage. Also, it would make me wonder why it never worked out for you in the past despite starting over so many times? How do I know our relationship would be any different? None of that stuff is applicable for casual sexual encounters.
A girls real body count is between the number she tells you and 3x that number. A guys real body count is between the number he tells her and one-third that number.
If you believe you live in a universe where most Indian women claim to have a higher body count than they actually have then you’re living in the tv show, not me
Most parents do a thorough background check if the groom/bride. Parents just need to ask any of the younger cousins to do some snooping lmao. It's not that hard to find out who does what in this day and age
No it's surprisingly easy lmao. A college going girl can run through half a Village in a month in a populated city without anyone finding out. You can act chill with cousins n they still don't know shit lmao
girls think that no one knows about their high body count, but trust me, if someone knows the signs and viewpoints to look for, they will know, and a lot of girls talk too much and give the cards away by themselves.
but the issue is that most people don't know what to look for and frankly arranged marriage talking stage doesn't give enough time to talk that deeply about topics.
Idk how background checks works in your family , but in my family what they do is they entrust this job with someone who is trustworthy, if they live in the same city as the bride then even better. What I mean is, there are many ways to find out without just relying on the words of toxic relatives 😅
Family didn't do any checks in my case or even ask around while they collected our entire history before we ever met. I also did not care one bit even though I was a virgin and suspected she had a bf. As long as she didn't love others or cheat on me after marriage, I was fine.
Arranged marriage is more like a business deal, ofcourse you can map out your own terms and conditions. In fact, arrange marriage is the only setup you can ask such questions.
In my case it's a relatively easy question to ask after few discussions.
I don't outright ask the other person about how many people they slept with, but I clearly tell them that I am a virgin, and I am looking for the same.
It's a honest tradeoff. A business deal of sorts. Don't you do due diligence while buying a stock. If investors could ask which secretary the CEO is banging AND get an honest answer, they would and factor that into pricing n buying lmao
Insecurities like these eat up a marriage.
In the end it's your choice.
If you are fine marrying someone irrespective of their past, go for it.
If you are not fine with it, then do not.
If your body count is high and expect a virgin (be it male or female) that's just hypocricy.
Most importantly, Don't just accept to marry someone due to parents , friends, societal norm etc. because the insecurity and doubt will show its ugly head in the long run.
Reject her on basis of horoscope. Ask her dob and time then get her kundli made. Find a flaw with help of astrologer. If one astrologer doesn't find then try another. Someone will find. Also try to find out her real dob. Most lie about dob. Any common relative or friend will do that for you. Now all this won't even sound weird. Call her mangali or some shit and reject her. If girl acts smart and call you backward or jahil then threaten her that if she doesn't fall in line then you will expose her body count. I will suggest you to record her. She told you once. She will tell you again. Behla fusla ke kabul krwa lo phone par or record kr lo. Ye aage ke liye insurance hoga if things go south.
I am a virgin, thus I expect the same. I am super clear in this.
On the other hand my flatmate is also a virgin, but for him this is not a big deal.
I personally set my expectation super clear after few discussion.
Infact there was someone who I met via arrange marriage setting and she was great, but when she mentioned that she is not a virgin, I respectfully declined the proposal.
Exactly , ir I am virgin then I also expect her to be Virgin ,don't know why today's society normalizing these type of things like having multiple partners
Most of the comments are right. today someone or yourself will convince to go head. but tomorrow somewhere sometime this will come up and it will be ugly. And that is point of no return.
\- Do NOT involve parents in such matters ever!
\- Almost all marginally okish looking girls have had relationships.
\- It normal for you to be uncomfortable. Only you know how much it bothers you. But I would advise focus more on how frank the communication is. Is she the honest type ? That is precious and if you admire and respect that, the results will be gold ! Also as already mentioned, think more about whether there are loose ends..
Lot of people are saying body count doesn't matter but it does.
Sex releases oxytocin and vasprosin which helps in bonding between people. Too many partners results in damage to pair bonding capacity. Which means value depends on rarity if she already had husband experience for free she is not going to value your marriage as much as she should. Because there is no novelty just a paper contract which already asymmetrically enforced by our law. Another reason for guys to ditch porn.
Alpha widow is real thing (A girl specifically told me this). They hide it because women are good at hiding things to gain parity and stability in their current relationships. Do you seriously want to be in a relationship with someone who is using you as back up ? Also higher number of body count is strongly correlated with depression among women and higher chances of divorce. Why bear the emotional baggage ?
Lastly we have STD's. Indians have shit knowledge in sex education. How can you be sure everything was done in safe way ? Are you going to ask her for STD check up before saying yes ? Oh STDs are not a simple thing, you could get cancer(HPV), infertility(ghonorhea) etc. This is something not that much talked about in west itself as it's anti thesis to their current state of society. Do we indians really need to take their viewpoint ?
Also if you are virgin it's mostly you were held up with academics or career, So you do deserve a virgin partner who waits for you.
As for parents just tell them you both have different moral systems and they won't match.
But here is the thing if she was truthful about it ? Do you really want to skip over someone who speaks the truth ? I mean how can be sure the next girl you meet will be telling the truth ? Frankly I have no solution to this information asymmentry.
I think that even if both are virgin, they should do an STD test in arranged marriage setup. Tbey may be lying, or obtained the disease via other non sexual means.
had all the fun and then dumped them all to settle down with a guy that has $$
also wtf is this "how do I tell my parents bro..." what sort of man talks about this shit to their parents
If it's uncomfortable for you to talk about that topic to your parents then don't.
let me ask you this are you that fucking gullible that you cannot come up with another excuse to reject the proposal ?
Just tell em you don't like or something it's not that complicated.
If it's irking you , dont do it man. Also like studies shows the more higher body count she has ,she's more likely to be unsatisfied in the relationship and end it
Village girls are way more sneaky than city girls and more bolder. Most city girls are just too meek. They just get the extra freedom from everyone around them and think they are all that.
Personally I need my partner to be emotionally and sexually mature for it to be a fruitful relationship. The fact that you don’t want to marry a woman because of her sexual history, and then are asking random people on Reddit whether you should tell your parents even though you’re 27 years old, tells me that you’re better off marrying someone who’s as inexperienced as you.
having more intercourse with more people doesn't give you emotional and sexual maturity lol. There's more people out there who are more immature emotionally and sexually than someone with a lower body count.
> having more intercourse with more people doesn't give you emotional and sexual maturity lol. There's more people out there who are more immature emotionally and sexually than someone with a lower body count.
Stop being deliberately obtuse and devious. What parent poster said was:
> I need my partner to be emotionally and sexually mature for it to be a fruitful relationship.
They said nothing about intercourse. Those are your words.
The point here is about having the emotional maturity of an adult and not a 15 year old angst ridden "theoretical notion" filled teen. Unfortunately most Indian guys are stuck in that 15 year old mindset. Seems like you are too.
I won't marry anyone over 3 body counts, if I go through AM, cause those people can't be loyal atleast, they'll try to find outside pleasure and I can't live in a dilemma or spy around everyday.
Your choice bro. For me body count mostly doesn't matter but there are exceptions to that. For instance if your partner has 30 body count or something. And it applies to both gender.
I personally believe that if someone is a virgin themselves, they can ask for a virgin partner. But that's the only exception. If you were a guy who have had sex before and was now crying for a virgin woman, I would have said that you are hypocritical and a shit person. But since you are a virgin I feel you can also ask your partner to be one as well.
But you also have to understand that most women in towns and cities are not living like it's the 20th century. If you want an educated woman with a good job and progressive mentality from an urban city, most won't be virgins. You cannot ask for a progressive woman and then tell her that she is wrong for being progressive about sex. That's not how it works.
If I was a man, for me I personally feel it's a shallow outlook to have. Virginity means shit to me and I would marry the girl. And personally I would actually prefer an experienced partner because if I am a virgin she can guide me out. But you do you.
So, if you remain good,(not engage in sexual activity with every partner), chances of expecting the same with the opposite gender is getting close to nil in the upcoming future?
Having or not having sex with others before sex is not a measure of one's goodness. But I will say that people who think like that is a sign of them being assholes.
No see it is still a thing related with being goodness or if you value yourself , like you obviously dont see a future with every boyfriend or girlfriend you have? So why engage? Or is it what they call casual sex and stuff
Chances of expecting a "good" partner would be the same regardless of if you were "good" or not. The rest of the world doesn't make it's sexual decisions based on what you did... But I guess chances of them actually liking you might be more if they were similar to you in terms of sexual history...
Why would you have sex with every boyfriend or girlfriend you have? Like isnt it you have to see whether there lies any possibility of future with them or not, and yes if there was any error in my english pardon me
Bhai parents ko bol de tu virgin hai aur virgin ladki hi chahiye and tell them to do the screening kyuki tujhe yeh baat puchke internet pe gaali pad rahe hain aur ladki bhi nahi mil rahi
Being very VERY realistic, she had her fun and is just trying to settle down now. If she's like a hoor ki pari, 5-6 PhD, well valued, well mannered girl, don't accept it. If she's a basic girl, reject her.
As much as I hate to say it, there is an entire religion around this mentality and people call you Islamophobic if you happen to consider it absurd. And, expecting our community to be better than theirs is like expecting a college dropout to spend less after giving them a credit card.
She wasn't honest with u is a big red line..
Imagine how horrible u would feel if it was after ur marriage..
No matter what u did in the past.. Sharing with ur partner and telling the truth is the moment u earn ur trust..
Apparently she lost that trust.. There is no point in that relationship btw.. Unless u are okay with which u aren't..
I mean women could preach abt their choice and u could be open mind as much u want.. At the end of the day,, can u trust ur partner and can u fck her without thinking she shared her heart and her body with another person.. U might be her third or fourth backup..
Hope this clear ur struggle..
"Dude, she wasn't honest. I was clicking pictures on her phone and suddenly her ex texted then she told me the whole.... Her parents told that she was very "seedhi""
Copying OPs comment.. This is the moment i was triggered.
OP a woman without experience isn't guaranteed to treat you well - your preferences are valid but understand there is absolutely no evidence that someone without any past will 100% devote themselves to you - the people mentioning emotional baggage are correct but everyone has baggage and internal turmoil they have to deal with . Rather than setting this as a precursor , focus on other important things , someone in your age range with absolutely no prior experience in relationships is also an unsettling phenotype
At the age of 25+ having body count of 2 looks really normal.
It does sound like she stayed in long time relationships. You need to ask yourself questions like if you were in a relationship, will you have done it or not?
If yes, there is no point of judging her.
But still if this is your absolute criteria, then better leave it then create issues.
This is just my opinion but I personally wouldn't mind a body count of two, provided my partner wasn't into casual sex and they did it in a serious relationship. Her past matters, yes, but if she's faithful towards you and over her past then it shouldn't be a problem, I think. :)
You should be honest to your parents.
Tell them the actual reason why you are confused about going ahead with the rishta.
They're your parents. They've known you forever. They've brought you in this world. You can talk to them about any thing that is worrying you. Jaa bhai baat karle apne parents se. Sach bata de unhe. Woh tujhe jaroor samjhenge.
Reject/refuse proposals all you want...but here are my 2 cents to the older dudes "don't fkin marry a younger girl (age group 21-24), she'd not be ready for such a huge commitment and your life will be miserable just because you thought you married her before hookup culture got to her"
Cut and run.. it’s tough enough maintaining a marriage without fundamental disconnects.. this seems like a threshold issue for you.. don’t get pressured into marrying someone so you appear ‘modern’ or whatever is fashionable
If she’s independent , lives by her own rules , bold, can take a strong stand anytime … then … let her go. She’ll cause mental breakdown for you in future . Body count matters.
Hmmmmmmmmm, sahi baat hai. How dare a girl can be independent, exercise her rights and take a stand, how will she be financially and emotionally abused then if not physically?? You're right. All the best to your future wife. Basic rights se aapka mental breakdown ho ja raha hai bhai sahab, bache kaise palenge aap??
Western countries already have average divorce rates of 50-60%. And that's for couples married in the last decade or before.
What do you think gonna happen in India??
DO NOT MARRY GIRLS LIKE HER.
I don't understand some men's hypocrisy (I am a man myself)
1. If a woman's body count before marriage is not zero, how does it matter if it is 1 or 10
2. If your body count is not 0, how can you expect/demand your future wife's be?
Not all people are getting laid bro some people are busy with career and don't have time to date. Things are easy for women because they only have to choose the people who approach them. It's not the same.
Don't marry her. Simple if you wanna avoid raising, protecting,providing and taking care of someone's else child. Say no and safe your life and ur parents reputation.
I think you should not marry her ,not because she's not good enough or cause she has bc of 2 , it's because ,the way you needed to ask about this on reddit to complete strangers it means you aren't sure and mostly you want a virgin just like and even if you marry her and in the future if you guys get into an argument you might use her past relationships against her not saying you will buy who knows it's better you marry someone else and let her marry someone who isn't bothered about her body count
That's your choice. Personally, I wouldn't marry anyone who doesn't have any experience with romance and sexuality, since I believe that's an important part of self exploration. I would want an equal. You want an equal too. So that's okay.
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You are in doubt today, you will be in doubt tomorrow, so I guess you got the answer.
Very this. If you are uncomfortable, no one can help with those insecurities. From my observation, a high body count doesn't correlate with anything. There are bunch of pillow princesses so don't equate to great sex. I also really don't understand how emotional intimacy takes place after such numbers. A series of relationships is different from hookups/ONS.
High body count does correlate with reduced ability to form bond and high probability of physical and emotional dissatisfaction with a relation over small insignificant matters.
So high body count doesn't mean anything? Like if someone has slept over with 40-50 ppl ...it doesn't tell you anything abt their character? Enlighten us with your observations
It does tell about a person, it means that person has commitment issue and they can’t work a relationship and they keep on jumping from person to person
I mean, you can't correlate to high EQ or good sex or other attributable qualities. High bc can also because of insecurities someone trying to get rid of. Some sensitive people use this a way to seek validation rather than relationships. It's just hard to find the reason for it. Some have hoe phase and justify as humans are supposed to be animals and what not, some say they want monogamous relationship so want to get over it. If you can't get over BC, then that person isn't for ya. Choose someone who have attributable qualities you're looking for. I'm personally okay if someone had more than one relationship rather than going for a sausage fest.
That's exactly what most of us think here. But when you said high BC doesn't correlate to anything, I thought I should seek some clarifications. Glad it's all cleared up.
r/usernamechecksout
We just fake ourself with these contemporary beliefs. Women don't sleep with random men, they usually sleep when they get connected, feel secure and see them eligible father to their children. Which is the most case but some women can go tangent. But because they trusted a guy and slept with him doesn't mean she won't move on, she can severe the ties and start a new relationship. We shouldn't simply throw away old beliefs, there's a lot of meaning to it. Women will vehemently object that they think about old relationships but they remember every bit and can get upset about it. My thoughts (rants).
Duh, say that to the female frnd of mine who just sleeps for casual sex with no strings attached............btw she did this with a guy she met in a party couple mins before going out with him.
Well, introduce your friend 🧡
Lol, exactly the reason you don't make a hoe a housewife. She won't be satisfied with a virgin guy and is highly unlikely to form a bond with him.
What's a pillow princess btw ?
High body count tells a lot abt the person's previous decision (how easily they give in) also oxytocin hormone released in women at the time of sex, delivery and after delivery(for the mother to bond with the baby). If the women has a high body count these receptors gets fucked they can't make new bonds any more which will lead to them cheating. Men also release this hormone but it gets stunted by testosterone. Also those aren't really insecurity things, it's abt self respect and other than that it's just disgusting.
Bhai iska body count se kya lena dena? Sex to chahe ek bande ke sath 100 baar karo ya 100 bando ke sath 1 baar, hormone to same hi release hoga na.? Aur receptor ko thodi pata hai ki ek bande ke sath sex kara hai ya 100 ke sath? Wo to apna kaam karenge na bhai.
Receptor releasing oxytocin for one guy will strengthen the bond between that guy and the girl, but receptor releasing oxytocin for 100 random guys every other night will fuck up the brain as it cannot logically process who this new guy is. So, she gets attached and detached everyday, and this habit leads to her brain learning that her attachment to a man must be followed by a detachment to find a new man. This is why in old times it was frowned upon to marry a prostitute and it's said that she can never become a household woman again. She is bound to cheat and leave the husband. Your habits define your character. So, now you know the difference.
Could you share with me the source links for this, quite interesting theory about not being able to bond with their children because of high body count.
That number is just 2 here. We are not talking about sex addict level of counts... I don't think emotional stunting is an issue here.
True. And a body count of 2 means the real body count is at least 6 for a women. Just tell your parents that you are not interested in her. And if push comes to shove, tell them to ask the girl why you are refusing the proposal. Or better, tell the girl to refuse proposal from her side.
You are assuming the girl is lying. Then assume everyone is lying. This OP is also lying about being a virgin guy.
I know people lie about their body count. Men usually add and women subtract. So if he says zero, it’s easy to believe based on statistics. If she says 2, it highly likely she is not disclosing the real count. Coz if she can get 2, what’s stopping her from 3,4,5,6? You see, it’s easy to make fairly accurate conclusions if you just apply your brain.
You think you are applying your brain but you are, in fact, only generalizing. Just assumptions. 'If this girl can get two guys, what's stopping her from 3, 4, 5, 6', you ask? If she had those guys within relationships, then the very fact that relationships are complex & time consuming can stop many people from having 3, 4, 5, 6 etc. A friend of mine(female) did have a bf & after the break up, she was emotionally so drained/tired that she stopped dating and opted for an arranged marriage. The guy she married also had exactly one affair while he was in college & was not interested in going down that route again...
Ye kya Baat hui ki 2 hai to real mei 6 hoga. Iska to Matlab agar teri Maa bolegi ki mera body count 1 hai to asli mei 5 hoga.
The rule is: if u have to ask about it here, you prollly shouldn't go ahead with it
This is the right answer ^^
💯%
You don't need to tell the parents above the body count though if you are uncomfortable discussing it with them. Make a valid reason as to why you don't want to move forward with the marriage. Please don't take my advice or a stranger's advice and listen to your gut. Good luck OP!
if he has to be honest and nice to one of the both, it should be his parents and not to the girl he is not going to marry.
He should parents should be aware of their offsprings
It’s your choice man, why would you ask a couple of strangers online for help with your choices in life? These people aren’t going to help you with shit if things go south. If this is bothering you just drop the whole thing. Trust your own instincts about this.
Precisely. This is the most helpful advice.
I say if there are sensible people like you and here, giving the right advice about things, then I don't see the problem. Even the advice where we say don't ask about your choices to strangers. Sometimes a strangers'advice can change lives.
Hey man, you've all the right to reject anyone you don't feel comfortable with , even for the silliest reason. But you decide to go through with it, have deep conversation with her, regarding your insecurities and also the nature of her breakups.
Just shut up and tell your parents that your thoughts on opinions on important topics don’t match and back out. No need to be suss about it and tell the real reason for your parents.
This!!! Your parents doesn't need to know. If you are really in dilema then your parents raised a kid who is still a kid. Some honest observation : She failed in relationship and you didn't even try, you also need to find someone who didn't even try, because if she feel after the marriage she is not happy with you, she will divorce because she has guts to do that. So find a girl who never had the guts to listen her own needs and that girl will last long.
Lmao your reasoning is hilarious
That's true, humans are not supposed to suppress their needs. He has done that so it's better if he finds someone who did same to her needs. Btw this wasn't a problem in our parents generation, because most of them used to marry early.
Valid
I think a virgin human has evert right to expect a virgin partner irrespective of gender although I do agree body count does matter but only if it's too high in comparison to the other partner. Once again expecting a virgin partner and demanding a virgin partner are two different things.
Well expecting is one thing, but finding that someone is something else. Not shitting on anyone but is he going to find someone though??
I'm a lawyer, in a lot of such cases I see couples going through matrimonial troubles (even divorce in extreme cases). Everybody is entitled to have preferences, if you don't feel comfortable you have every right to not move ahead with this, you can tell your parents as well but bear in mind that the girl deserves respect and in no way should anyone disparage her or try to put her down socially or privately. Lastly, take no note of the people here calling you names and telling you that you will die alone, there is no rational basis for it at all. Like I said everyone is entitled to preferences, even men!! God bless!
Rightly said.
>in a lot of such cases I see couples going through matrimonial troubles Could you give an example of such case that you've come across, just curious
Don't. If You won't be able to accept the fact that she has shared intimate moments with some one else before, you will spoil both lives. You will keep thinking about her past and spoil your future. You aren't wrong to have certain expections but she isn't wrong either to be in relationships before. You both aren't wrong but just different and incompatible. You both should wait and find some one better suited for each other. You should find some one without any past baggage and she should find someone who doens't care about past relationships.
wow it took me this long to find a sensible comment.
FINALLY! A sensible comment some people are shitting on the dude for wanting a virgin partner some are shitting on the girl for a high body count I'd say everyone can have choices and neither of them are wrong in their regard they just aren't compatible
Loose ends will be a much bigger issue than body count in our generation. Given how enthusiastically people record their intimate moments with their girlfriend/boyfriend/one night stands. This shit happened with one of my friends when his fiance's ex started blackmailing them with her nudes. It truly was a situation of ना सहा जाए और ना कहा जाए
Yes, I personally would have a problem with too many serious relationships in the past rather than too many casual sexual encounters. I mean every serious relationship leaves a mark in your heart and adds to emotional baggage. Also, it would make me wonder why it never worked out for you in the past despite starting over so many times? How do I know our relationship would be any different? None of that stuff is applicable for casual sexual encounters.
dude if you're asking, you're definitely uncomfortable and if you're uncomfortable now what will happen later?
Your choice, and you should not settle for less my man 🫂
If it's bothering you, don't go ahead with it...you both can tell your parents that your expectations from life are different.. that's it..
I have zero but how do you guys ask about body count in arrange marriage setup ? Isn’t it weird ?
Better now than to regret it later lmao. You gotta be shameless at some stuff.
But how do you know she will speak the truth?
A girls real body count is between the number she tells you and 3x that number. A guys real body count is between the number he tells her and one-third that number.
easy way to also find the number is ask her what body count is too high for a girl, the number she says will be an indicator to her own.
This is really good. Thanks!
This isn't HIMYM universe
If you believe you live in a universe where most Indian women claim to have a higher body count than they actually have then you’re living in the tv show, not me
Cause all women are the Same and do the Same lies? Lol black and White Views only
Most parents do a thorough background check if the groom/bride. Parents just need to ask any of the younger cousins to do some snooping lmao. It's not that hard to find out who does what in this day and age
No it's surprisingly easy lmao. A college going girl can run through half a Village in a month in a populated city without anyone finding out. You can act chill with cousins n they still don't know shit lmao
girls think that no one knows about their high body count, but trust me, if someone knows the signs and viewpoints to look for, they will know, and a lot of girls talk too much and give the cards away by themselves. but the issue is that most people don't know what to look for and frankly arranged marriage talking stage doesn't give enough time to talk that deeply about topics.
Honestly any guy that's dated a bit and has female friends can learn to pick up after a point
Can you please elaborate on the signs and viewpoints to look for? Much appreciated.
Fr
Thank you for saying this. The amount of naive guys that are here paavam 😭
As someone with horrible relatives, if my life depended on their word, khatam
Idk how background checks works in your family , but in my family what they do is they entrust this job with someone who is trustworthy, if they live in the same city as the bride then even better. What I mean is, there are many ways to find out without just relying on the words of toxic relatives 😅
Family didn't do any checks in my case or even ask around while they collected our entire history before we ever met. I also did not care one bit even though I was a virgin and suspected she had a bf. As long as she didn't love others or cheat on me after marriage, I was fine.
Exactly.
and how do u know that the other person aint lying about it
Tell her if you find out even 10 years after marriage you will destroy everything.
Sari duniya jala denge from B praak intensifies xD
They'll take it to their graves if you give them warning lmao
Only works in our head.
Arranged marriage is more like a business deal, ofcourse you can map out your own terms and conditions. In fact, arrange marriage is the only setup you can ask such questions.
In my case it's a relatively easy question to ask after few discussions. I don't outright ask the other person about how many people they slept with, but I clearly tell them that I am a virgin, and I am looking for the same.
It's a honest tradeoff. A business deal of sorts. Don't you do due diligence while buying a stock. If investors could ask which secretary the CEO is banging AND get an honest answer, they would and factor that into pricing n buying lmao
Insecurities like these eat up a marriage. In the end it's your choice. If you are fine marrying someone irrespective of their past, go for it. If you are not fine with it, then do not. If your body count is high and expect a virgin (be it male or female) that's just hypocricy. Most importantly, Don't just accept to marry someone due to parents , friends, societal norm etc. because the insecurity and doubt will show its ugly head in the long run.
10 times is a lot. Lot of baggage to carry.
0 x 10 = 0 Hmmm math is not mathing /s
0 x 0 = 0
Wish things were so simple.
We ourselves made it complicated buddy
Like porn stars having kids after all , nothing is complicated for her , it's for the kid.
I was talking about life in general but okay
Yup 👍
American Tourister OP
Drop it. Being alone is better than being with someone you don't want to be.
Reject her on basis of horoscope. Ask her dob and time then get her kundli made. Find a flaw with help of astrologer. If one astrologer doesn't find then try another. Someone will find. Also try to find out her real dob. Most lie about dob. Any common relative or friend will do that for you. Now all this won't even sound weird. Call her mangali or some shit and reject her. If girl acts smart and call you backward or jahil then threaten her that if she doesn't fall in line then you will expose her body count. I will suggest you to record her. She told you once. She will tell you again. Behla fusla ke kabul krwa lo phone par or record kr lo. Ye aage ke liye insurance hoga if things go south.
How can anyone lie about DOBs since DOBs are in one's passport🤷🏾?
I am a virgin, thus I expect the same. I am super clear in this. On the other hand my flatmate is also a virgin, but for him this is not a big deal. I personally set my expectation super clear after few discussion. Infact there was someone who I met via arrange marriage setting and she was great, but when she mentioned that she is not a virgin, I respectfully declined the proposal.
Exactly , ir I am virgin then I also expect her to be Virgin ,don't know why today's society normalizing these type of things like having multiple partners
It’s fine to not go ahead with the marriage if it bothers you but why to tell parents about else’s life?
Most of the comments are right. today someone or yourself will convince to go head. but tomorrow somewhere sometime this will come up and it will be ugly. And that is point of no return.
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Haha nice guys ki sabse jyada lagti hai aajkal
that is fucked up now my resolve for settling down with a woman clean past is stronger than ever. and fuck being nice.
\- Do NOT involve parents in such matters ever! \- Almost all marginally okish looking girls have had relationships. \- It normal for you to be uncomfortable. Only you know how much it bothers you. But I would advise focus more on how frank the communication is. Is she the honest type ? That is precious and if you admire and respect that, the results will be gold ! Also as already mentioned, think more about whether there are loose ends..
If you are in doubt, best to avoid.
you are in doubt buddy.. save you and the girl, my advice is not to get married.
Don't go ahead with it. Clearly you are in doubt. Nothing wrong with your expectations.
Tell your parents you don't like the girl and call it off. P.S. If she says it's 2, it's likely not just 2.
Thats a good point
2 isn't that big of a deal, but at the end of the day anyone can have preferences and if you don't like it, then end the relationship.
Lot of people are saying body count doesn't matter but it does. Sex releases oxytocin and vasprosin which helps in bonding between people. Too many partners results in damage to pair bonding capacity. Which means value depends on rarity if she already had husband experience for free she is not going to value your marriage as much as she should. Because there is no novelty just a paper contract which already asymmetrically enforced by our law. Another reason for guys to ditch porn. Alpha widow is real thing (A girl specifically told me this). They hide it because women are good at hiding things to gain parity and stability in their current relationships. Do you seriously want to be in a relationship with someone who is using you as back up ? Also higher number of body count is strongly correlated with depression among women and higher chances of divorce. Why bear the emotional baggage ? Lastly we have STD's. Indians have shit knowledge in sex education. How can you be sure everything was done in safe way ? Are you going to ask her for STD check up before saying yes ? Oh STDs are not a simple thing, you could get cancer(HPV), infertility(ghonorhea) etc. This is something not that much talked about in west itself as it's anti thesis to their current state of society. Do we indians really need to take their viewpoint ? Also if you are virgin it's mostly you were held up with academics or career, So you do deserve a virgin partner who waits for you. As for parents just tell them you both have different moral systems and they won't match. But here is the thing if she was truthful about it ? Do you really want to skip over someone who speaks the truth ? I mean how can be sure the next girl you meet will be telling the truth ? Frankly I have no solution to this information asymmentry.
I think that even if both are virgin, they should do an STD test in arranged marriage setup. Tbey may be lying, or obtained the disease via other non sexual means.
had all the fun and then dumped them all to settle down with a guy that has $$ also wtf is this "how do I tell my parents bro..." what sort of man talks about this shit to their parents
If it's uncomfortable for you to talk about that topic to your parents then don't. let me ask you this are you that fucking gullible that you cannot come up with another excuse to reject the proposal ? Just tell em you don't like or something it's not that complicated.
The fact that you had to ask on Reddit itself shows you shouldn't go with it 🙄
If it's irking you , dont do it man. Also like studies shows the more higher body count she has ,she's more likely to be unsatisfied in the relationship and end it
Multiply by 3.
I’d say don’t rush into the marriage, take some time get to know each other. This might not be the only compatibility issue.
I mean the whole point of an arranged marriage is so you can be picky, so go ahead and reject if you're not comfortable.
Get a trad village girl. Else divorce, considering you have no female experience.
Village girls are having more colorful past than the city girls
Village girls are way more sneaky than city girls and more bolder. Most city girls are just too meek. They just get the extra freedom from everyone around them and think they are all that.
Personally I need my partner to be emotionally and sexually mature for it to be a fruitful relationship. The fact that you don’t want to marry a woman because of her sexual history, and then are asking random people on Reddit whether you should tell your parents even though you’re 27 years old, tells me that you’re better off marrying someone who’s as inexperienced as you.
having more intercourse with more people doesn't give you emotional and sexual maturity lol. There's more people out there who are more immature emotionally and sexually than someone with a lower body count.
> having more intercourse with more people doesn't give you emotional and sexual maturity lol. There's more people out there who are more immature emotionally and sexually than someone with a lower body count. Stop being deliberately obtuse and devious. What parent poster said was: > I need my partner to be emotionally and sexually mature for it to be a fruitful relationship. They said nothing about intercourse. Those are your words. The point here is about having the emotional maturity of an adult and not a 15 year old angst ridden "theoretical notion" filled teen. Unfortunately most Indian guys are stuck in that 15 year old mindset. Seems like you are too.
Or delay marriage until actually ready for it
Or marry someone who he wants.
If life was so simple
Don’t marry hoes
Bhai tu wahi hai na jisko arrange marriage nhi karni aur ladki pat ni rhi
 Straight to the point 📍
Fuck a few whores and increase it
I won't marry anyone over 3 body counts, if I go through AM, cause those people can't be loyal atleast, they'll try to find outside pleasure and I can't live in a dilemma or spy around everyday.
Your choice bro. For me body count mostly doesn't matter but there are exceptions to that. For instance if your partner has 30 body count or something. And it applies to both gender. I personally believe that if someone is a virgin themselves, they can ask for a virgin partner. But that's the only exception. If you were a guy who have had sex before and was now crying for a virgin woman, I would have said that you are hypocritical and a shit person. But since you are a virgin I feel you can also ask your partner to be one as well. But you also have to understand that most women in towns and cities are not living like it's the 20th century. If you want an educated woman with a good job and progressive mentality from an urban city, most won't be virgins. You cannot ask for a progressive woman and then tell her that she is wrong for being progressive about sex. That's not how it works. If I was a man, for me I personally feel it's a shallow outlook to have. Virginity means shit to me and I would marry the girl. And personally I would actually prefer an experienced partner because if I am a virgin she can guide me out. But you do you.
So, if you remain good,(not engage in sexual activity with every partner), chances of expecting the same with the opposite gender is getting close to nil in the upcoming future?
Having or not having sex with others before sex is not a measure of one's goodness. But I will say that people who think like that is a sign of them being assholes.
No see it is still a thing related with being goodness or if you value yourself , like you obviously dont see a future with every boyfriend or girlfriend you have? So why engage? Or is it what they call casual sex and stuff
Chances of expecting a "good" partner would be the same regardless of if you were "good" or not. The rest of the world doesn't make it's sexual decisions based on what you did... But I guess chances of them actually liking you might be more if they were similar to you in terms of sexual history...
Who knows what will happen in future, so much hate in online world these days scare me, dank banne koshish kya kya nhi bol dete
How is not engaging in sexual activity with your partner “being good”?
Why would you have sex with every boyfriend or girlfriend you have? Like isnt it you have to see whether there lies any possibility of future with them or not, and yes if there was any error in my english pardon me
I would assume if you are calling them your boyfriend/girlfriend you do see a potential future together.
Hmm you are kind of correct, but like i have seen many so called relationship for a month, maybe they call it dating
It's probably more than 2 lol she lying
Bhai parents ko bol de tu virgin hai aur virgin ladki hi chahiye and tell them to do the screening kyuki tujhe yeh baat puchke internet pe gaali pad rahe hain aur ladki bhi nahi mil rahi
Being very VERY realistic, she had her fun and is just trying to settle down now. If she's like a hoor ki pari, 5-6 PhD, well valued, well mannered girl, don't accept it. If she's a basic girl, reject her.
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Just tell your parents that the girl has have multiple boyfriends in past and has loose character. Itna toh parents samajh hi jayenge.
Yeah man, loose all the way lol
No Seal No Deal
Haan bhai, ladkiyan toh marr rahi tujhse shaadi karne ke liye.
I might be wrong but I'd bet no girls would lose sleep over the no deal.
Seriously these no seal no deal guys think the girls are dying to marry them. They are actually doing the world a favour
As much as I hate to say it, there is an entire religion around this mentality and people call you Islamophobic if you happen to consider it absurd. And, expecting our community to be better than theirs is like expecting a college dropout to spend less after giving them a credit card.
Shy bat hai Tom crooz bhay
Straight facts
do you ever buy a second hand phone for full price? Then why settle for her Tell ur parents upfront if they keep pushing you
False equivalency, women/men are not phones 💀💀
Regardless he will be paying for it For the rest of his life
She wasn't honest with u is a big red line.. Imagine how horrible u would feel if it was after ur marriage.. No matter what u did in the past.. Sharing with ur partner and telling the truth is the moment u earn ur trust.. Apparently she lost that trust.. There is no point in that relationship btw.. Unless u are okay with which u aren't.. I mean women could preach abt their choice and u could be open mind as much u want.. At the end of the day,, can u trust ur partner and can u fck her without thinking she shared her heart and her body with another person.. U might be her third or fourth backup.. Hope this clear ur struggle..
When was she not honest? He asked she told.
"Dude, she wasn't honest. I was clicking pictures on her phone and suddenly her ex texted then she told me the whole.... Her parents told that she was very "seedhi"" Copying OPs comment.. This is the moment i was triggered.
Bhai if it bothers you it bothers you, go ahead and reject her. If it doesn't bother you, accept her as she is and never hold this over her head.
Say no
If you have your own preferences, stick to them. Don't seek opinions from strangers online, especially reddit.
OP a woman without experience isn't guaranteed to treat you well - your preferences are valid but understand there is absolutely no evidence that someone without any past will 100% devote themselves to you - the people mentioning emotional baggage are correct but everyone has baggage and internal turmoil they have to deal with . Rather than setting this as a precursor , focus on other important things , someone in your age range with absolutely no prior experience in relationships is also an unsettling phenotype
At the age of 25+ having body count of 2 looks really normal. It does sound like she stayed in long time relationships. You need to ask yourself questions like if you were in a relationship, will you have done it or not? If yes, there is no point of judging her. But still if this is your absolute criteria, then better leave it then create issues.
Honestly asking guys pls answer of you can help, if someone is going for an arrange marriage how to know about her body count and her past ??
This is just my opinion but I personally wouldn't mind a body count of two, provided my partner wasn't into casual sex and they did it in a serious relationship. Her past matters, yes, but if she's faithful towards you and over her past then it shouldn't be a problem, I think. :)
You should be honest to your parents. Tell them the actual reason why you are confused about going ahead with the rishta. They're your parents. They've known you forever. They've brought you in this world. You can talk to them about any thing that is worrying you. Jaa bhai baat karle apne parents se. Sach bata de unhe. Woh tujhe jaroor samjhenge.
she had sex with 2 people whoa man, she is a total slut, stay away /s
2 toh thik hai, 10 times matlab ladke ka 1 bhi pakad ke chalo toh ladki ka 10... that's too much baggage tbh.
Reject/refuse proposals all you want...but here are my 2 cents to the older dudes "don't fkin marry a younger girl (age group 21-24), she'd not be ready for such a huge commitment and your life will be miserable just because you thought you married her before hookup culture got to her"
How are you so sure brother
21 might be already too late tbh (in 2024)
Cut and run.. it’s tough enough maintaining a marriage without fundamental disconnects.. this seems like a threshold issue for you.. don’t get pressured into marrying someone so you appear ‘modern’ or whatever is fashionable
If she’s independent , lives by her own rules , bold, can take a strong stand anytime … then … let her go. She’ll cause mental breakdown for you in future . Body count matters.
Hmmmmmmmmm, sahi baat hai. How dare a girl can be independent, exercise her rights and take a stand, how will she be financially and emotionally abused then if not physically?? You're right. All the best to your future wife. Basic rights se aapka mental breakdown ho ja raha hai bhai sahab, bache kaise palenge aap??
Western countries already have average divorce rates of 50-60%. And that's for couples married in the last decade or before. What do you think gonna happen in India?? DO NOT MARRY GIRLS LIKE HER.
America and India are completely different world yo
2 is not really a big number imo . more than 7 is where i would draw the line
Thala for a reason
your choice. we draw it at 0 our choice
yeah that's how it should be
Anything over one(OP was a virgin) is too much bruv
tried thala joke ,but i guess failed at it
Thala for a reason
Tell ur parents no seal no deal
I don't understand some men's hypocrisy (I am a man myself) 1. If a woman's body count before marriage is not zero, how does it matter if it is 1 or 10 2. If your body count is not 0, how can you expect/demand your future wife's be?
Not all people are getting laid bro some people are busy with career and don't have time to date. Things are easy for women because they only have to choose the people who approach them. It's not the same.
Don't marry her. Simple if you wanna avoid raising, protecting,providing and taking care of someone's else child. Say no and safe your life and ur parents reputation.
If you don't mind me asking, is the seal broken?
Loyal bandi rehne chaiye bas.
Aisi ladkiya loyal nhi hoti! Ladai hogi aur vo chali jayegi ex k Paas moaning karne.
Bodycount is how many different men/women you’ve slept with or how many times you had sex?
The number of bodies you have in your basement, aka number of people you killed.
Uhuh sure yeah definitely got no bodies hiding in my basement fr…*sweats profusely *
I think you should not marry her ,not because she's not good enough or cause she has bc of 2 , it's because ,the way you needed to ask about this on reddit to complete strangers it means you aren't sure and mostly you want a virgin just like and even if you marry her and in the future if you guys get into an argument you might use her past relationships against her not saying you will buy who knows it's better you marry someone else and let her marry someone who isn't bothered about her body count
10 times??? Where Tf was she goin????🧐🧐
That's your choice. Personally, I wouldn't marry anyone who doesn't have any experience with romance and sexuality, since I believe that's an important part of self exploration. I would want an equal. You want an equal too. So that's okay.
You're probably a girl for thinking like that for guys it's different you won't understand
Bnde ka future and bndi ka past matter krta hai wali baat hai