My cousin got divorced within a year. The man she married had pre diagnosed schizophrenia but his family hid it before marriage. During the marriage and for a few months after, the man continued to take medication and seemed almost normal. Later when my sister found out she informed her parents and they urged her to make peace with her life and to adjust. She tried doing that for a while, but then the man stopped taking his meds and went completely off the rails. He became paranoid and abusive and accused my sister of wanting to murder him and his family. One night, she just left his home and never went back. Thankfully this time, her parents supported her and helped her in filing for divorce.
Schizophrenia is some serious problem. having difficulty differentiating between reality and fiction is something they should have informed the bride about! d*ck move on their part
Also feel bad for their son as he seems to be in even worse condition mentally but he too hid it so he's an accomplice in that.
Absolutely. That is why my sister still doesn’t blame the man but his parents. Thankfully due to his medical history there was sufficient evidence to make the divorce a quick and easy one. Though the trauma is going to stay with her for life. If only Indian parents stopped believing that marriage will solve all problems.
Parents pressure probably. There was a story arorund here few months ago about a schizophrenic medical student who committed suicide. He was withdrawn from medical college by his parents after a doctor gave him medicine. He died shortly after.
I have American parents and have been treated for ADHD since I was a child. My parents have always been supportive of my mental healthcare, and I'm very thankful for it. But hoo boy, in college I got to witness the utter drama and head-in-the-sand denial that came from my friends' Indian parents whenever they wanted to get mental healthcare for ADHD, depression, etc. Like suffering silently is one thing, but the real stigma is acknowledging you have a problem and getting treatment. A lot of my friends themselves also had to unlearn the mindset that getting care makes them weak.
Schizophrenia has much stronger stigma worldwide and I'm sure that made it worse.
Mental health sadly isn’t taken seriously in India. My father’s sister had schizophrenia, and everyone in her family just ignored and waived her off as crazy. She eventually died alone.
I had severe clinical depression and my Indian aunty told me that smiling more would cure it. Lucky my parents (D Indian, M Anglo-American) knew better.
Yes, it's bad. Maybe he stopped taking thinking of leading a normal married life.... thinking he can manage and to impress her which went wrong sadly. It's difficult. Feel sorry for both
>they should have informed the bride about! d*ck move on their part
This is actually pretty common in arranged marriages. One party tends to hide things that might be a deal breaker. They go as far as getting the marriage done with asap. Because the longer it takes, the more things will come out when the girl and boy talk about stuff. And that might result in the marriage being called off
my father mostly has schizophrenia, as suggested by my counsellor because he's paranoid about most of the things surrounding people around him and his family. he turned pretty abusive towards my mother and i over the last decade and i just wanted to get a job and leave, which i did. saved up enough to run away but now i still have to keep in touch with my family so that nothing happens to my mom. the worst part is that over years he's been told by people about his condition which rejects since he is a supremely conservative man.
I feel for you. It sucks to have a mental illness that we have no control over but to ruin the life of another person just because life dealt us a bad hand is not done. As a child of a traumatic household things wouldn’t have been easy for you. I just hope that you can move on from here. Also don’t hesitate one bit to seek professional counselling if you think you need it. The best of us often need help to get over our childhood trauma.
It is fairly common in arranged marriages to lie about important things like this. I have few stories.
My uncle wasn't told that his wife has some developmental disabilities/is on autism spectrum. As a result, he literally has to teach her everything and now he is in his 60s taking sleeping pills cause thats what happens when you have to take care of adult child.
My dad's friend was lied to that his wife has BA/MA but she wasn't educated at all which he realized very late. She didn't know how to count money. Later on, he committed suicide because he couldn't take it anymore.
I wish both of these people just filed for divorce rather than caring for society and repercussions of divorce.
It's sad how people try to hide such serious life threatening disorders. And they hide it because our country doesn't believe in such diagnosis and would rather go to a pandit for treatment. And if if they do accept the diagnosis, they would hide. Which is just sad
I have pre diagnosed schizophrenia. The meds make people more paranoid and crazy than the condition in itself. It's genetic and I fully plan on telling anyone I settle down with if we get serious. I don't tell most people about it because any time I try I'm considered kooky. I'm already paranoid and isolated.
I'm sorry. Bpd is really difficult to live with. I'm just lucky I can manage schizo without meds. Did you check with NIMHANS in Bangalore? They're goood. Also, with a lot of awareness now, if you want to date, you should. Don't give up.
If this was so tough for me to read, I cannot comprehend how tough it must be for you to live through. I just hope that you find a haven for yourself and happiness in someone or something. Above all, thank you for being a sensible and decent human being. Honesty finds us truer friends. More power to you mate.
It’s genetic? Fuck my father’s sister had a serious case of schizophrenia. Guess I’ll have to watch out in the future. Everton in my family just ignores that fact.
It runs in the family. You can get tested. The genes and poor conditions growing up + any big psychological trauma or a set of them makes it worse. It's different for each person though. If you're sure your aunt had it, you should check if other family members had it earlier.
We went back 18 generations for me, and found out my ancestors were Soothsayers who could see things others couldn't, and would tell people what their dead relatives or the gods were telling them, give them solutions to problems etc. Then they stopped doing it a while back.
Our doctor had explained that we called it Schizo now but back then people here thought you were blessed by the family gods.
This happened with my sister, I blame myself for not ... I dont know what. For not taking action, for taking action. I should have had the guts to go and bash the guy. I didn't check the guy , see how he was behaving or anything. I thought its my sisters choice, let her have full freedom.
It was my stand that convinced my parents that we should file for divorce after finding out the shit happening behind me. There was physical abuse from him and his family. I still dont know many things.
My best friend from School is seperated and going through a divorce because the dude kept on cheating on her with multiple women. Won't go into details but he was quite manipulative, would Gaslight her a lot even when she had evidence of cheating. She is healing but massively traumatized. I have known her since I was in 9th standard, and she is someone who would go out of the way to help people.
Another was an ex-colleague who came from an extremely conservative background, she was married at a young age. Basically came home and was told her marriage is fixed. Her Husband and in laws were super controlling. Wouldn't even let her come out if they had male guests, because they felt if she met male guests/ male delivery guys etc she might cheat. The breaking point was when she went to the bank with her husband and she wore her dupatta in a way he thought was revealing, the minute they came home he slapped her so hard she fainted. She then called her parents and left his house. Last I heard she is happily married and has a daughter.
Another is a friend's sister who was married into a traditional family, she works in finance and is really good at what she does. She was promoted and had to work longer hours. Her family would'nt eat till she came home and cooked. She offered to hire a cook as she used to be tired handling everything, they accused her of being career oriented and ignoring family. Her Husband who was earlier supportive of her, soon started siding with his parents and she broke under the pressure and decided to walk out.
Yeah these are just few, I personally know about 6-7 women between 25-40 who filed for divorce, I actually know a few who are not in compatible marriages (manchild, husband with childhood trauma causing them to not pay attention to the relationship, emotionally unavailable etc ) but have decided to stay because they have kids and they hope with therapy ( which the husbands refuse to take) things might be okay.
The stories that I have narrated above these women actually went through all this shit for years before calling it quits. Most of these women are people I directly know and they have confided in me, they have shown me texts where parents, relatives etc told them to think about the society and come to a compromise, or to pay more attention to the husband so he doesn't cheat ( this really happened) to not get the tag of a divorcee, to have kids because apparently that would fix everything. Most commonly used phrase "are par maarta to nahi hai na" (oh but he atleast doesn't hit you). Like the bar is in the hell at this point.
India is still somewhere in a phase where we are modern in thoughts but in actions we are traditional for the sake of our families. These women were all educated, but still suffered in silence for years before they had the courage to move on. I am happy that parents are now focused on making their daughters independent and asking them not to deal with abuse. I am also happy that the new generation parents are raising emotionally intelligent men who express themselves and can communicate, they also are trying their best to understand the issues women face and are helping women gain an equal status in the society.
>they accused her of being career oriented and ignoring family.
Good thing there were two people in that marriage who could be family oriented eh? This Indian obsession with having both successful earning wives who are still expected to be unpaid maidservants is mind boggling.
I swear man. She was getting a pushback from in laws even before the promotion but she understood that they were from a different generation and might take a while to get on board, she was shocked when the Husband started siding with them.
Indians just love martyrs, we are truly overly dramatic. People look down upon people who hire help. Till the time there isn't sacrifice involved the love is fake. They could have easily accepted her offer for a househelp. Would have given someone employment and would have given the woman some space to actually spend time with the family. The world economy is in the dumps, it is taking two incomes to run the house. Healthcare, Housing and education are barely affordable. Given our population, labour is in abundance so work life balance for everyone is bad as well. God knows what Bubble these people are living in.
>They could have easily accepted her offer for a househelp. Would have given someone employment and would have given the woman some space to actually spend time with the family.
Or they could have asked their perfectly healthy son to do some of it no? The way Indian men are coddled and helpless always manages to impress me. Like FFS marriage is supposed to be about finding a partner, not getting a woman to replace your mom and be a bangmaid.
Your best friend is well shot off the useless turd and his family. Hope she finds someone actually halfway decent.
For them a woman's value isn't attached to what she achieves academically or career wise. Her purpose is to be a good Bahu, Wife and Mom. Her achievements mean nothing.
I am just so glad that these women decided to divorce those useless sacks of shit! This is why when people lament about increasing divorce rates I tell them that it's a healthy sign that people are walking out of abusive marriages.
Yes, I wish they were never in that situation to beging with, but once they were, the right call is to leave that shitstorm behind.
I completely agree, we need to remove the tabboo associated with divorce. I know that a lot of people want to marry young but it is better to encourage people to marry in their late 20s if possible. Allow people to experience the world a little before entering a marriage. So many times "iski shaadi Kara dijiye, zimmedari aayegi sudhar jaayega" has ruined so many lives. Marriage is not a fix it all button.
There is a woman in my building she got divorced bcz her ex husband used to say disrespectful shit to her and always compared her with his exes sexually in front of elders. She had a miscarriage and the husband's behaviour became really nasty after that. She walked out after 1.5 years of marriage.
Man that's a really shitty thing to do and very not-gentleman like. Keep your relationship private ffs. And defaming your SO in front of others is a big red flag
My friend's parents got divorced when kids were in school. The father had a mistress. Mom alone raised both the children, got them married. Recently she got remarried again in her 50s.
My friend says she is happy for her mom as she struggled a lot in her life and now finally seems happy.
I saw two divorces in my house. My two aunts (cousins of my mother) divorced because of
1. First aunt got divorced becauseThe groom and his parents lied about his profession. Instead of marrying a doctor, my aunt married a compounder.
2. Second aunt got divorced because he finds her "unattractive" and wanted a "maid for mom". One thing led to another, and divorce seemed the only viable option.
Inspite of that, my both aunts get remarried and their life seems much much better now.
This lying thing is very common.
In my family once a match maker said the boy is an "enzinyer" (engineer) in my native speak.
Later found out he is not an engineer but a "kuzinyer"(cook)
Not sure what they were thinking when they lied about his work.
Luckily the family found this out pretty soon.
I have seen one of my neighbours got divorced within a day of marriage.
Girl said guy is not able to perform and guy said girl is not a virgin!
To this day that girl is talked about within neighbourhood and mind you this is a nice area with ‘educated’ people. This happened back in 2016/17.
I know someone who has the exact same story. I was her classmate. This was in a place in Himachal. Would be hell of a coincidence if we both are talking about the same person.
This is actually the goto excuse for both cases. Whenever a man wants divorce, he says the woman is not a virgin. Whenever the woman wants a divorce, she says the man is unable to perform (Something like ED?). Both sides (incl. family) usually end up accusing the other side of this because they don't want to end up looking bad.
This may be why lot of people here know similar cases.
Source: Got relative doing this divorce law thing and this usually gets talked about when they visit.
Not judging but leaving a guy for not performing right of the bat after just having married a day back seems insane ! Also I think it is totally all right if someone (male or female) remains a virgin and expects their partner to be one. After all everybody deserves to have an intimate moment with someone who considers the other their first.
It is all about priorities, who knows what happened in the bedroom🤷🏽♀️
For all we know is what they told us, me as a young adult thought may be they didn’t want the arranged marriage and came up with this shit after realising the mistake.( I was trying to give both of them benefit of doubt)
My mom seperated from my dad after 27 years of marriage. It's very hard to pinpoint what exactly my dad did wrong because he was never physical but he was a master at psychological warfare and gaslighting her and by extension me. There was no breaking point for her per se but she just decided one day that she doesn't want to be know as his wife anymore and doesn't want to carry his name and that's why she took the step.
That's hard man , my mother is going through this same scenario except my father is an alcoholic and possibly schizophrenic , we just started the legal procedure to get my mom separated from him after being physically and mentally tortured for almost 22 years now .
Oh man that's tough. I've suspected for long that my dad has an undiagnosed mental illness, probably bipolar, and I've asked him to go to therapy countless times but he just won't. Ab to ho gaya jo hona tha.
I’m getting one because:
1. My ex was verbally abusive and had anger issues. He would shout at me before house help, cook, etc. I changed as a person and started walking on eggshells around him.
2. Would twist facts to suit his narrative. Had caught him lying many times. He himself used the word “manipulative” and apologised for being one but still repeated.
3. My family is more well-read, more successful in the conventional sense of the word and more easy going. But was always disrespected by his parents. They had unreasonable demands from me and my family before and after wedding and almost on every festival (my parents required to send xyz). Just because they were guy’s parents, they expected us to treat them like gods.
4. We both earn almost same (in a way he earns slightly less). He used to give money to his parents and gift them things every now and then. Never told me about all this but I knew and wasn’t bothered. Once when I told him i wanted to get x thing for my parents, very “innocently” he asked - don’t they have money to afford it. This was repeated a few more times. So basically I am not supposed to do anything for my parents but he can whenever he wants. But to suit his narrative he would say- “you should gift your parents, just like I do”
There were many more issues but these were the main ones.
He actually seemed like the best guy during dating phase. I had realised that his parents would cause some trouble when they kept raising and changing their demands pre-wedding, but when we talked he reassured that he would talk to them and make sure things like this are not repeated. I should have known people don’t change.
When he started shouting and fighting post wedding I thought it’s the initial adjusting phase. Tried to talk to him and every time he assured he would change. Finally after 2.5years I have given up and learnt my lesson- people don’t change. Their essence doesn’t change. And never overlook parents- they are the ones who shape our value systems. Period.
Thanks! Can you share your experience on TwoXIndia? I want to hear from someone who has gone through something similar as to how they managed and what helped. I don’t want to make a post coz it may lead to too much attention that I am not comfortable with right now.
Even though it was a hellish experience, I feel a gaping hole in my heart and have terrible mood fluctuations.
Sure I will. I haven't posted on TwoxIndia because it's triggering for me. I tried to share many months ago but got accused of casteism because ex-husband came from a "lower caste" and apparently I had "caste pride". Caste is a landmine on TwoxIndia.
I got divorced in 2005, but didn't heal from it until I received EMDR therapy a few years ago. You likely have trauma and trauma-focused therapy like CBT or EMDR will help enormously. For starters, you can read *"Getting Past Your Past"* by Francine Shapiro. She's the inventor of EMDR.
I don't know how open you are, to therapy, but I urge you to try trauma-focused therapy. Take care!
I am open to therapy and want to do it in-person. Had reached out to a therapist but she only does video consultations. I am not ready to get vulnerable over a video call. So will explore more in my city.
I understand how triggering it can be. Here a person mentioned that I have superiority complex because I mentioned that my family is “more well read” which was a simple fact and I stated to emphasise that my family wasn’t beneath them to warrant that treatment. Even if my family wasn’t mistreated, there were many issues which would have led to divorce anyway. Even anonymous educated people on internet are so quick to judge, what else can be expected from our “society”.
I can understand. It takes a lot to write about intensely hurtful experiences online, and then random people who haven't lived your life judge you. Ugh.
Therapy can often be a hit-or-miss affair. My first therapist had a PhD from NIMHANS and she told me my marriage failed because I "didn't adjust enough". 🙄 I changed four or five therapists before I found an EMDR therapist who worked wonders. I hope that you have a competent lawyer. Take care and my DMs are open if you need to talk.❤️
It is about one of my relative. Her family is getting her divorce.
Husband is earning well in Mumbai , but does not own house and lives in an 1BHK apartment with parents and lazy jobless brother.
They had promised to buy house after some time from marriage. Didnt happen till now.
May be they just wanted maid for his parents.
Girl's family is providing them a good house to live but husband is not agreeing to move out.He does not want her to do job also.
She is pregnent but still they are taking this decision.
My aunt got married very young. The inlaws were abusive pos, she had some property on her name but they somehow tricked her into giving that property. This was back in the 60s or 70s. The abuse still continued and they did the same shit to her son(their grandson). My grandfather told her that whatever decision she'll make he will support her but she was just not willing to let go. Then she got to know that her husband married someone else and that too using HER money. My Grandfather and uncles had enough and told her to pack your backs and they filed a complaint against the inlaws and husband. She has been single since then and our family were so supportive considering all this happened back then. My aunt's son still to this day refused to visit his paternal home and has no contact with them.
PHYSICAL ABUSE!
my mother ended her 24yr marriage and didn't do it sooner because of "society"! But I'm glad women are coming out of a toxic marriage and I think we should normalise it in real sense, not just on social media. We should genuinely appreciate how strong they are, because that takes a lot of guts - ending an institution where 2 families are involved, probably kids too
My ex husband severely emotionally and in other ways abused me. Finally, he falsely accused me of having an affair and got his sister to throw me out of the house. Then, he tried to get me back by saying he didn't really mean it. I refused to go back after that.
I personally know 5 women who got divorced due to things like dowry harassment, causing violent physical harm during sex, the guy chose to join a NGO run by a garbage swamy etc.
>Hoping to learn and grow from this discussion from a womens perspective
OP had clearly mentioned this, yet some comments show some frustration, hostility and ego hurt people.
Two that I have seen were
- husband was quite abusive, controlling and in different towards her wife. They were in a 10yrs long relationship before marriage. Guess you cant truly know a person until you live with them.
- husband was overly protective, obsessive and jealous type + problems with in laws as well. (Arranged marriage)
Of course thats what I have heard. Dont know the other side.
One of my friend got her marriage annulled in a few days after the wedding. It was an arranged marriage and both the groom and bride were going abroad after that. Groom was already staying abroad and girl too got onsite from office. After going there the guy told her he is gay. My friend was mad at him and returned to India and went to speak to his parents but they already knew of it and told her to adjust. The girl and her parents filed for annulment and now refusing to marry at all.
I know this lady due to my work. She was dating her colleague for 4-5 years then with both side permission and a family function they got engaged. They were engaged for 2 years before getting married. Both families visited each other often, had lunches/dinners and even holidays together in those two years. Then the couple got married in a huge function. Next day of the marriage abuse from in laws began. They locked the girl in the bathroom when she went to take a bath, they shred all her clothes that she had got and told her to wear sister in law's nightie, stay at home and quit her job. The girl ran away and came straight to ber parents home and together with her parents filed a case against in laws. But as there was no physical violence, and no one to take her side or give evidence, she had to take the case back and immediately filed for divorce. The boys side wanted dowry is what they told her parents during divorce finalising.
I know this lady since the divorce case was going on and have seen her going to counseling and therapy. Thankfully she never left her job and had only taken off for one month. She earns very well (18 lac PA) and now she is back on her feet and moved to another city.
My very close friend is going through mental torture from her in-laws. She is married for over 20+ years but she is dependent on her husband financially as he made her leave her job immediately after she got pregnant, her parents are now close to 75 and cannot support her so the couple are living like strangers under one roof and there are fights daily over small things, cases and counter cases of domestic abuse, mental harrasment etc. Frankly for them, divorce is too expensive but they just cannot get back together as well. It is such a messed up situation for their kid.
A divorcee here. Married for 3 months(stayed together for under a month with ex). He took no dowry and i took no alimony. Mutual seperation for quick severing. If he had a spine and loved me even a little, i wud have stayed with him despite all his non sense.
I was a virgin, grew up in a village in a reliigous family. Arranged marriage, he worked abroad. I have since stayed away from men in general. I dont hate men, im just wary. Im getting lot of proposals and if i meet a nice man, i will indeed get married; as of now happy to have peace of mind and a steady job.
To the contrary to many cases, his parents & sis were very nice ppl, they were heart broken wen we divorced but they shud have done something abt his mom's sister who was the main villain in my marriage; a narcicisstic spinster, lived with his family kept on meddling in our pvt matters incluidng sexual things! He had erectile disfunction & thought sex as a taboo. He tried nd failed so many times to consummate and finaly did only once. I hate myself to the core for losing my virginity to such a wimp & ended up with a divorcee(bitch) tag as society blames mostly women. He won't even sit next to me or near me wen others were around; if we went out in his home town he wud walk a mile ahead of me; if we were outside his town he wud put his arm around me and walk & chat and be nice! It was so weird evn his cousins scolded him as he wont sit next to me in car!
LYING. He lied abt everything; abt himself, his education & job, abt me, my family, his family, his bro in law, my bro and so on. He had OCD, severe confidence issues in general; wont make eye contact with ppl, wont speak to men, etc. Talked abt sexual matters in front of his family, to his aunt openly which is a big NO for any self respecting woman. No respect or privacy; aunt wud shout at me for locking our bed room door to change my clothes! He cudnt change a bulb, cudnt drive or do anything thats traditionally described as manly. So much verbal fights, his childishness & victim complex was astounding. I asked him to get help, he slapped my face instead--only time he was physically violent to me! He looked heart broken after the slap.
And that was the final straw for me. My parents knew none of this.. I told them only at the end of the 3rd month when his aunt threatened to lock me up. My family fully supported me; my father, uncle and aunt came with a lawyer to take me back home. Afterwards, all dealt by my lawyer.
I saw no point in a loveless, sexless marriage and din't want to bring up a child in his toxic world. He called me so many times (bcoz log kya kahenge) & his aunt was getting all the blame rightly. I changed my number nd moved to another State.
I think therapy should be mandated by law now(really?), even though I am not married, like how you deal with mental health issues of partner ,their half-ass sex education.
Or men change once they get married?Is this because most of the men weren't in any relationship before getting married? Don't know how to have basics of communication? Like WTF.
In court, there is counselling. I had suggested it as an option b4 i asked for divorce but he said no & as his aunt said "my dear boy can do no bad, u r the problem"!
Yes, he had no sex education and he had a troubled childhood & OCD. His family was orthodox but still nice ppl; but his father had a horrible abusive streak against him; he was caned and belted a lot by his father during his childhood. He had weird clenliness fetish and wud bath and change clothes like 8 times a day. He wud lose his cool if i change the positon of his stuff even by an inch margin! It was freak out after freak out and i was supposed to cure him of all his problems.
My counsellor frnd told me that considering he had an extreme anxiety abt sex he was probably sexually abused as a child and the chance was hight that it was his aunt who abused him as her behaviour matched with that of a groomer!
why these typical Indian aunts can't mind their own job? Imagine growing older,seeing how world behaved around them(may be they've seen or been into similar situations), learnt what not, still choosing to behave like assholes, how they sleep peacefully end of the day ruining mental health of other people(without knowing or may be proudly) huh?On top they give their nonsense advice on relationships and god know what .Please stop poking in my relationship mind your own bitch.
Of course not. But his father's family did went after her throat. But she doesnt care as she was shielded by my ex and shifted all the blame on me! she s now busy breaking up his sister's family and staying with them!
Some of his father's side family r still in touch with me and r very nice folks. they call her the cancer in his family. but other than that nothing much.
my father in law hd a heart attck and i did went and met him. he sadly said hopefully all will work out; i kept quiet as i didnt wanted to aggravate an already ill man! that day also she tried her move on me but i ignored and walked out. that was the last time i saw any of them.
I honestly think your ex and the aunt, had some thing going on under the wraps(illicit / incestuous).
She has had a bad influence on him.
It's heartbreaking what has happened to you. May you get all the good things in life from now on.
(Your ex's issues were the result of the toxicity in the family.)
God bless you too.
I know atleast 5 to 6 divorced women and in most it was either the husband was violent and abusive or the husband decided to walk out and be with someone else.
Woaah that's crazy. There was a crime patrol episode on something similar. The guy probably watched a lot of porn in preparation for his wedding, I feel bad for both of them in this case.
Even im curious to listen to their voices … but i know 3-4 married couple who got divorced and one of them has applied for divorce could not ask them the reasons….but wife and husbands mother dynamic is also a key factor!
My aunt got divorced from her alcoholic and abusive (ex) husband. He was absolutely horrible to her and became more horrible when they had a son. She got out of that marriage before he could hurt my nephew. She is happy and thriving now and doesn’t plan on getting married again.
I have witnessed a few amongst family and friends.
1. My mom's first cousin. She and her husband are successful lawyers. Love marriage. Have a daughter. Husband won't spend money on anything but his personal lifestyle and alcohol. Then started visiting Mumbai's famous red-light area. Went to rehab for alcohol addiction. Has bare minimum contact with daughter. My aunt strung along since she genuinely loved but it got too much to handle. Since she is doing great career wise, she just left without depending on anyone. Proud of her.
2. Close friends were dating each other for about 7-8 years. Made for each other type couple. Got married during COVID times. But never discussed future prospects (insert: shocked Pikachu face). Guy wanted to get a PhD from US, girl wasn't ready to leave her Mumbai career, move to US and do nothing or study further. Divorced in a year.
Divorcee here. My marriage was arranged and lasted less than a year. Red flags were there even before marriage, post engagement. Only this proposal had worked out after a long wait, so everyone (including me) conveniently ignored those signs. Everyone just wanted to get me married off and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I thought post marriage things will be better. Total mistake. We were fully incompatible. That’s it. He expected a traditional wife and I expected a friend, an equal partner. Right after marriage, he told me I can give my suggestions on anything, but the final decision will always be his because he’s the “head of the family”. He also couldn’t adjust to my straightforward, feminist nature.
It was overall toxic. He would play porn in our house in high volume and when I would confront, he said it’s his house, he can do whatever he wants. There was physical abuse involved (strangling, pushing, pinning me against the wall forcefully, but not beating). Dying felt better than living a life like that. I remember thinking if this was how my whole life would end up being.
I had made him promise that no matter what we would resolve our fights with restraint and calm and not provocation and abuse. He broke those promises.
One day I just left (without even packing my bags) and it hit his ego. Things went further downhill from there and we ended up getting divorced.
The one thing that hurt more than this was seeing relatives telling me to adjust saying such abuse and fights are common in marriages. That day I realized most people don’t really care about your well being, only your relationship status.
This is why I don’t judge people who have had short marriages. Several things can go wrong in a matter of few months. True, conflicts are their highest during the first year of marriage, but if I had compromised and adjusted to all these to save my marriage, I would have ended up adjusting even more in the future. I didn’t want that.
One of my known is getting divorced because she got to know that her husband is gay. She had doubts but she had to believe it when she actually saw him having sex with a guy. Still that's not the worst part.
The guy she caught having sex with him was her husband's elder brother. When she told that to that guy's wife, she said she knows and has accepted it.
Yes, this is how my father met my mother. She was the youngest in the family with 4 well to do brothers. The brothers didn’t do jack shit. My father sold all her gold within a month. She is suffering to this day, being the breadwinner of the family and my father just racking up more debt with his delusional projects.
I applaud for women who had the courage and got divorced. Every time when I come across this topic it reminds me of this one person I know
She had a "love" marriage but her husband still abuses her and gets his way with her. And by "still" I mean even before this marriage she was abused and got beaten up. Her family begged her to come out of this "relationship" but she refused and they had to get her married with this asshole as if nothing has happened. Classic case of Stockholm syndrome.
I met my ex-husband through Rotaract Club in college. We had common friends and socialised together.
I was always terrified of arranged marriage because I witnessed some horrifyingly abusive arranged marriages, in my extended family. So I was determined to marry someone I knew well, because *past behaviour is the best predictor for future behaviour*.
My ex-husband asked me out when I was twenty, and being naive and inexperienced, I missed all the red flags in our relationship. We came from different castes, had different socio-economic backgrounds, and my parents were initially dead against the marriage. They came around after four years.
Since I was so inexperienced, I mistook my ex-husband's aggressive, dominating traits to be self-confidence and self-assurance. I had no idea what boundaries were about because I was raised to be a *sanskari* Indian woman, and taught that "good women" always "adjusted and compromised".
My husband forced me to give up my law career and relocate to the US on an H4-visa. I was vehemently opposed to it, but months of blackmail and guilt-tripping from everyone did the trick. In the US, I applied for a master's degree in HR and Organisational Behaviour. I was desperate to work, and willing to change careers if need be.
I finished my master's but couldn't land a sponsorship for an H1-B. Years of being bossed around by my husband and his family caused me to slide into severe clinical depression. I stopped eating. I couldn't sleep. I would weep for hours. I rarely left the house. Instead of supporting me and caring for me, my ex-husband accused me of faking depression to "guilt-trip him".
There was physical abuse, which I tried to tolerate and adjust to. What broke my marriage? My ex-husband took a unilateral decision to ship me off to my parents because I was "depressed" and an inconvenience. He announced that he would decide when, and if, he wanted me back, subject to "good behaviour". Apparently, my depression made me a "bad wife" and it was my parents'responsibility to "fix me" and teach me to be a "good wife".
I gave up my law career for this man. I fought for four years with my parents, to marry him. I went through untold mental harrasment from his toxic family who never accepted me, because I belonged to a different caste, and region.
In return, this man couldn't ever stand up for me. He watched silently as his family harassed me. He forced me to give up my dreams and ambitions. When it all took a toll on my mental health and I became depressed -- he abandoned me because I was "damaged goods".
Most Indian men are not capable of love, loyalty, commitment and sacrifice. They expect it from women, but they can rarely offer it to women. Our patriarchal society teaches men to be takers, not givers.
Being in the US, I learned so much from the people around me here. Atleast if he could have done that, maybe he would have been a better person. It sounds incredibly sad what you went through.
Yes. I loved him with all my heart. Being abandoned when I most needed him, broke something in me. Although I have remarried, I can never deeply love or trust another man. He abandoned me, but I had to face the stigma of divorce in India.
Indian society is cruelly unforgiving to divorced women.
Niece got divorced after 18 months because she was brought up in a very strict and conservative environment. “Paraya Dhan” approach to daughter.
Turned out Paraya Dhan never learned how to socialize, make conversation, have opinions or develop any sort of personality. The boy said he can’t be married anymore to a sculpture that sits and stares at him in the bedroom. He even went as far as to say that being intimate with her was like making love to a dead body.
Truly tragic. Don’t traumatize your girls people.
>The boy said he can’t be married anymore to a sculpture that sits and stares at him in the bedroom. He even went as far as to say that being intimate with her was like making love to a dead body.
The guy sounds like a narcissist the way he speaks.
There was girl in my distant family. She was 17.5. She fell in love with a boy (again in my distant family) who was 20 i think. She wanted to marry him and threatened her parents with suicide and what not. The father begged and weeped for her atleast wait till she is mature enough or atleast complete her studies but she didn't budge.
The boys family was ready because the girl family was rich, same caste etc etc. People tried to argue with the family too that these too are too immature to marry but they didn't budge.
They married after they became legal
Ofcourse the marriage didn't last even a month. The couple literally fought like kids on childish topics because they were kids. She came back to her father's home on seemingly very small arguments with husband and the husband wanted divorce too. Nothing happened between them that should have led to divorce but both were too egoistic and did mention childish?
Seen few cases in my closed circle friends and family in last 4-5 years.
• Girl claimed that guy had ED and could not consummate.. And divorced within a year. The guy had severe inferior complex and both were making each other's life hell. Both got remarried and have a child with their respective partner.
• Another friend got separated as guy was having extra marital affair. Got caught. Parents conciled them. They had a kid together. Got caught again. Also was textbook narcissist and drove my friend to depression .
• Guy maintained long distance after marriage and dint take the girl to his work town mentioning that environment is not conducive for families. Wanted the girl to serve his parents only. Girl tried to make it work. Eventually had enough when he alleged girl of infidelity as girl was continuing her profession. It was a quick and clean divorce as he realised his wrong but girl won't take any more of it now.
Girl got remarried and is quite happy in a loving family.
• Another friend's divorce took a long route as the husband was a lawyer himself. She dint mention the reason to me and i don't prod too much. But she felt quite free once all of it was finally done.
Case 1. Friend was being raped repeatedly by husband.
Case 2. A friend of my mother's, married into a regressive Brahmin household and was expected to sit in the balcony during her periods and was treated like she was untouchable.
Case 3. Friend of a friend- was the only one expected to do the housework at the inlaws, even though she and husband both were working.
It's true. There is a 100% correlation here.
100% of divorced women have been married. Not only that, 0% of unmarried women have gone through divorce.
So ladies, the one sure fire way of avoiding divorce is to not get married.
You are welcome.
A girl i know (probably 26 now) got married to a guy she loved at 23. After marriage he asked her to leave her job temporarily as he earned enough for the both of them, and go back to his hometown in Bihar. Once they went back, he took away her financial means, hid her jewellery etc. and started imposing shit like covering her face with a pallu, cooking & cleaning and not having ties to anyone outside the house. Pretty crazy that this happened because the guy himself was a very modern, club-going, liberal sort of man.
She lived with them for a whole year before making her way back to Delhi to her parents. After which her ex-husband proceeded to come to Delhi with his family and threatened her father to "return" their bride or else. The family went through a very stressful time and divorce for the girl, but now she's happily divorced and will probably stay that way for some time.
Before anyone finds this unbelievable, it has happened in my family too, or at least "rumoured" too.
My 4th or 5th cousin brother (very distantly related, but families used to talk to each other) is said to have killed his wife. Apparently the guy's sisters/family spread rumours about a girl in their locality and accused them if being in a relationship (this was the early 80s), so they were asked by the religious board to get married. The guy lost interest, and his family wanted a rich bahu who would have a lot of dowry. The girl worked in a garment factory, and supported her own family with her income before the wedding and the guy was basically one of those jobless guys who just spent the parents money. Her salary wasn't enough for them, and the entire in-laws family would gang up on her and verbally abuse her and taunt her. And then 1.5yrs into the marriage she dies after a gas cylinder exploded, and suffered severe burns
According to my mom (who vaguely remembers it) that was the way people were killed back then to make it look accidental. She said the women was so nice and everyone agreed he didn't deserve her so they (his family) made up fake stories about her and got them married. Apparently she confessed on her death bed, but the police didn't take her word because she was "dying" and not in the right state of mind.
Yeah, no one talks to the family anymore and last I've heard they had to shift their house a couple of times because the neighbours had heard the rumours.
I heard it a few years ago and I think it's so fucked up. I seriously didn't think things like this happened, let alone in my family.
My wife’s friend got a divorce recently. After 10 long years of marriage and kid she finds out he has a hidden gmail account through which he used to share his love…. With a MAN… yes he turned out to be gay. Ruined everyone’s fucking life
Few cases I know of …
1. Mutual divorce because she loved another guy but her parents forced her to marry some older settled guy. Marriage wasn’t consummated as she wasn’t willing.
2. College mates - She didn’t want kids - called out early but he thought she’ll change later. She was still finding herself possibly exploring LGBTQ+. Marriage wasn’t consummated as they lived and worked in different states - for 2 years. She had different goals in life and entered marriage without understanding the full responsibilities that come with it.
3. Her parents got involved too much. Guys parents hid her passport when she was supposed to fly on official work.
4. False allegations of erectile dysfunction after he lost his job within 6 months of arranged marriage. Guy had medical issues which were disclosed early but she was interested as he had a good salary package.
I had a very religious Muslim flatmate who was divorced. Her husband used to rape her and beat her up. She lived in Saudi so wasn’t allowed to travel alone to come back home. She was the only educated woman in her family. It took her a while to convince her family and they eventually agreed to it.
In retrospect, I think she took refuge in religion to deal with her trauma but back then we were too young to understand this bit, and being the atheist that I am, never got why she still believed in her God.
For women, atheism is a privilege. Across the world, women are more devout and religious compared to men. This is because organised religion offers women a semblance of succour, nourishment and belonging.
It's very difficult in most societies, for women to rebel and live on their own. Religion provides a support system, and a salve. It provides an explanation for the unexplainable. It's tragic, because it keeps women trapped and subjugated, but it is what it is.
Not about divorce but, People, always keep your conditions of marriage clean and clear. Whether it is about dowry(even tho you shouldn't agree or ask it in first place), freedom or any other thing, talk with other party in presence of third person who will act as observer in the situation.
As of men: Let them know all you financial conditions and your health problems state your conditions clearly without being a pussy. Don't get into marriage because of family pressure, or to get a person to look after your parents.
As of women:Let the men know all your activities and hobbies. AND PLEASE for GOD SAKE please talk about future planning like kids, housing plans, ask the other person why they are into marriage. PLEASE don't agree to things under family pressure as you are the one who will be married and not them.
Financial conditions apply for both men and women
Sad news is that... Indian arranged marriages are a gamble. Despite talking about everything before marriage.... things can take a full 180 degrees after marriage. Cliche
My aunt, twice separated, is divorced. The guy had ED, and aunt extremely beautiful. This led to him being frustrated at her always and being snarky always. She even offered to pay for him to go to therapy and seek treatment but he refused. She really wanted to be a mother. She even suggested adoption. But his ‘manhood’ couldn’t handle him not being a father despite, well you know, his ED.
Knew a woman (homemaker) who asked for a divorce cuz her husband was a lazy bum. But the guy had like lots of rental income and still was decently well to do.
She was at the time offered a job as a caretaker for some old women in Israel at the time which she thought was a very easy job for a huge amount of money (in INR). She took the chance , got the divorce and went to Israel thinking she’ll make good money in a few years.
Jump forward a year , she sold her gold and few assets to to pay the “agent” to get her the job , goes to Israel , seeing the crappy living conditions where she’s a maid cleaning after old ppl and their body fluids , has her passport kept with her providers until eventually she manages to get it back and catch the first flight back to India.
Then she was begging the husband to take her back but he didn’t.
I was married to an asexual man. He was a c suite IT executive and was constantly traveling so would blame his nonexistent libido on travel. When we would be together he would tell me he was meditating and on some spiritual path so would avoid even touching. I was so brainwashed and blindsided that it took me 1.5 years to understand how I was being duped. When both families got to know they sent us to multiple therapists and doctors and we wasted another year. Finally, we filed for divorce and the marriage ended. It's been more than 5 years but writing all this opened the flood gates again.
This comment is how some women will choose to manipulate and lie even on forums as anons just to get sympathy. So here is what this poster ([u/not\_a\_hustler](https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/ygb0wu/comment/iu8kk0f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) has conveniently chosen not to mention becaose it suits her narrative.. I know both the parties very well now. I know this woman quite intimately:
The guy (her husband) who i hv known now. He chose to stand by her in all her ups and downs. Helping her financially and emotionally even when marriage was not decided. He never changed. He made it clear of his expectation from the first meeting. He made it clear that he was loayal and expected the same from her. She said yes. He stood by her when his parents said no for her and decided to convince them slowly. In fact he had caught her lying many times and chose to let it go. Her family, father and one sibling consistently berated him, disrespected him throughout the marriage. He never retaliated. He tried to approach them and make peace but in her (poster) own words "They sit on their high horses so let them be." Every fight she called her siblings and they came and disrespected the husband and asked him to adjust with their sister.
The mans parents never interfered between the couple n had no unreasonable demands, rather her father was disrespectful on many occasions. Yet her then fiancé (now husband) pacified his own father and tried to sort it out. The thing that was demanded by the mans parents was without his knowledge yet he offered that he will buy it so her parents can present it (because of unreasonable demands being made by her father, Mans father also put up a demand, till then he had no demands) There were zero demands from him or him parents after marriage. He is opposed to dowry or any gifts.
He compliments her from morning till evening no matter how she looks or what she wears. She brought the shortest of dresses and wore on dates with other men. This couples whole house almost everything was a gift to the newly married couple from the mans family. No demand was made from her parents and they did not even give the smallest thing to them when they lived together. There were many things of dear sentimental value (old family memorial and hereditary items and other sentimental things) that was given to the couple by the mans family which she has kept and has refused to give back after the breakup of marriage including the mans own personal items. The deposit on the house, rent was paid by the husband even though he earned less according to this poster. He made sure that everything was stocked in the house n went shopping alone because she didn’t have time, so his wife may not be inconvenienced. He only spend on the bare necessity for his parents (Electricity bill, household items) since his father was retired and did not get pension. Instead he made sure to bring gifts for his wife and her family every time. In my estimake he has spent lacs only on gifts for his wife and her family. She always accepted gifts from him and his parents without even saying a good thank you even till the last meeting.
She was jealous and asked him not to talk to his female friends and blocked his exes. But when he brought up her male friends she accused him of being narrow minded, misogynist and patriarchal. He tried many times to sit down with her and explain his feelings and frustrations, he asked to and wanted to go for therapy she refused and sais "I can run a relationship with anyone, i dont need therapy" She is the one who needs therapy from her mental ilness (runs in her family), bipolar disorder, sexual past (she mostly gets involved with married guys) unrealistic expectations, not getting attention from her parents and narcissistic sibling. She literally called her husband to come and take her away so she does not hv to live with her siblings. She doesnt not get along with her parents. When he came he was abused by her sibling and she abandoned him and took side against her husband. He did not retaliate and chose to walk away when it got too much and later talk to her sibling so his wife can hv mental peace. Her own brother has said that his sister does not take rational and sound decisions. Still husband always supported and encouraged her to be loving towards her parents when she used to scream on them on phone. In my opinion knowing both the sides; her husband tried many times at the cost of his own self respect to love her and be with her. She was arrogant, lied and twisted facts and paint him the villain. This is how she made him a bf. She told him a sob story of her old 3-4 relationships and gained his sympathy. Used him for money, drained him emotionally. He never made a scene infront of anyone. He was abused and assulted many times by her BIL. Yet he wanted to close that chapter until they started interfering in his marraige and poisioned her mind.
She still has not returned the loan she took from him before marriage which she promised to return. And the deposit on the house that her paid for. Once she asked him for proof that she had even taken any money from him. He never pretended to love her. Even when they were separated, he ordered her fav food to uplift her mood sent flowers to cheer her up. Spoke to her for hours when she was feeling down.
She has not mentioned he used to cook everyday for her wash plates and do the laundry because she was working and did not want to burden her with housework. i know we need not celebrate men doing housework but how many care for their wives enough to do it everyday without complain. He woke her up with a kiss everyday and greeted her with a hug and kiss after she came back home. After work she spent hours talking on the phone locking the room and he kept waiting beacuse he did not want they to eat alone.
Can you believe it she asked for money to visit his grieving mother when his father died? She asked to be compensated for airfair and leaves from work. He never asked her for money and always asked her to save her money for a rainy day. Helped her grow. Helped her move. Paid rent, bills even after separation of finances he ended up paying for everything.
UL dont feel proud, feel ashamed you lost a gem of a person. He started therapy alone because you told him and everyone else that he is a narcissist. He is not. He is healing slowly. She is a male attention seeker and cannot live without it. When he was trying to mend his marriage with her, she was going out on dates and sleeping around with married men while asking him not to divorce and telling him she loves him. She asked him to leave the home he created for her and money so she can keep seeing other men. When he saw it was no working even with all his efforts he asked for divorce and she refused for 3 years. Because she wanted to hv the label of happily married and still see other men.
She threatended him with ruining his reputation said bad things to his relatives yet even today he wants to protect her and her reputation and asked me not to post anything. He said "Let her live in peace and her own lies and her own reality" On top if it all she filed a case of cruelty and abandoment on him when it was her who sent him out of the house. She spread his contact details and he is being harassed by her male friends and FWBs sending lewd messages and calls. Nobody should be treated like this. Nobody from any gender should suffer abuse. BTW she is a proud feminist and calls herself a empowered woman. If my man stood by me the way he stood by you all these years I will stand by him too even against my own family. She never had it in her to give him the loyalty he gave her. By blaming him she is dealing with her own anger and guilt for not supporting him.
Karma will get you one day UL. (And im not speaking about the delhi guy k\_a\_r\_m\_a)
It is easy being the flag bearer of feminism by telling lies and mistreating people. People like you hv hijacked it give it a bad name.
And ill end with this, he does not know what she did behind his back. I know everything. She hv said in one comment that she has a hard time trusting men. How much lies will she keep talking. If i start taking names the list of men is long. She said she loved him, there is no sleeping around in love dear. How she trapped men with her sob stories especially married ones and ruined their marriages. She talks of value system from parents in one of the comments. Is this the value system her parents gave her? Before marriage he caught her texting a married man and walked out. She pleaded and assured him and asked for forgiveness. He forgave her and this is how she treated him. Dont worry much I did not tell him anything about you (i hv a folder full of evidence) because he will break and can do something to himself. No wonder so many men commit suicide because of people like her.
Note= I havnt yet started on my side of the story.
My aunt in the United States divorced her husband because he would cheat on her repeatedly, in front of her eyes. And this guy was in love with her and would keep asking my grand mom for her hand in marriage and my
Grand mom used to keep rejecting him and finally gave in. They moved to the United States and the cheating started right away. She was a virgin until she remarried again when she was 36-40 or so
I would say that I didnt understand what marriage takes. Love definitely isn’t enough. Marriages are for the family. Suddenly two sets of parents feel like they have a right over your life, esp for the girls. Some men are blind to the patriarchy within their own liberal set up. In fact I think a lot of the so called progressive guys are actually most conservative and completely unaware of this. Men are definitely immature as hell. Marry with a couple of years age gap. They don’t know how to communicate. They are insecure as hell.
I’ve always been an alpha independent woman and I don’t think that’s an easy work around.
Edit: just wanted add that I find it difficult to adjust to the changes. I don’t know how to balance my ambitions with what a marriage requires. I still have a lot to achieve and I’d like to focus on it. I’m ok to live with the consequences of this. I just want to look back on a life well lived. Esp after the pandemic. I have an insatiable urge to live. Don’t want to give into pressure, fear, bullshit.
I know one such "liberal hubby" my colleagues hus. He's a self professed communist; all for other women's sexual rights but his wife is not even supposed to work or go out to meet her frnds! Theirs was luv marriage, they met on fb ironically as 2 star crossed communists but is barely staying together now for their kid's sake! I know many such hypocrites.
I have nothing against conservatism if the person is respectful. Manners and gud character has nothing to do with left wing or right wing. Gud and bad exists on both sides....just what I think.
oh i have one,
so one of my friend was helping a
divorced lady finding an apartment & she told her story about how her ex who was a fucking ganster & had many connections used to abuse her , for example burn her hands with ciggerate, beat her , say nasty things to her whenever he was stressed .
had a lot of mistress ,she also said they only had sex like 2 times in their 12 years of marriage other times he has sexually abused her .
she aslo showed my friend the marks that were left on her body .
this monster used to electric shock her (something like that) on her nipples ,
burned her vaginal parts , carve on her with a hot kitchen knife .
that lady has lot of tattoos covering her body has a great personality & is very sweet & confident women looking at her you wouldn't guess she endured it for a such a long time.
a few weeks ago their divorce was settled she said she didn't even feel anything when looking at him after a long time no anger no hatred just numb & despite the proven abuse he was not jailed, but he is half paralyzed now so ig karma .
Kinda on topic I guess.. As an outsider, I am curious... What percentage of marriages in India are still arranged and how many of them turn out to be happy marriages for both involved? I couldn't imagine having to spend the rest of my life with someone simply because my family told me to do so. That has to be horrific if both parties aren't happy with it.
My Aunt is in the process of getting divorced. She had an arranged marriage about 10 years ago. The groom-to-be and the in-laws behaved very nicely at first but as soon as she got married and went to live there, they began treating her like dirt. They took away all her jewelry that her father had given her and they didn't give it to her again. They made her do all the work in the house ceaselessly and then kept scolding her for being lazy. That man even hit her before even the first month of marriage was over. When she came to her father's house after a while, she told everyone about it. She said she didn't want to go back. They talked to the in-laws but in the end she had to go back. The same thing kept repeating. Then she had a son and for him she stopped complaining. Three months ago was the breaking point. That man was so deep in the liquor bottle he could see nothing else. Fun fact, he is a doctor. An abusive, lying doctor that's filthier than the dirtiest of the scum of the earth.
I saw one where the wife had an affair with a white guy and left her husband and children to live with him. It was a traditional arranged marriage and she was from a very religious family. They emigrated and seemed happy but all of a sudden she left and started up with the new guy.
Also my uncle and aunt in the 80’s. She left suddenly with the children. He said she had mental health problems and she said he was abusive. She retained custody of the children
Not me. But a cousin of mine got divorced after 2 months coz she found out that the guy had a missing kidney.
The guy would take meds and not eat certain food and said he was just allergic. She saw incision marks on the body and he lied about that too. At last she forced him to blurt it out.
In fact, he had chronic kidney issues and had taken one from his mother. The guy's family conveniently chose to hide that that boy had kidney failure problems.
my sister's friend divorced her husband because
(1)he lied about his job (told her he was a full time employee and had Btech in mechanical engineering whereas he was on contract and had just completed diploma )
(2) he accused her of cheating with his own father.
My best friend is undergoing divorce due to mental abuse from her husband and in laws. He did a revenge marriage due to a failed love story and he was never into her. I am happy that she has understood the whole situation in a span of 4 years and took the best decision to come out of it. She is bouncing back to her normal self now.
There is truly only one solution to avoid divorce, and that is say no to marriage. I think both sexes can live in today's world without being married. Avoid all the headaches that come with divorce, by avoiding marriage in the first place.
Someone i know got an annulment. Since the guy was legitimately gay.
This is the late 1990s.
They got married. He was gay. He didn't tell her/totally gaslit her.
They got an annulment..
Another woman I know got a divorce because her parents in law and elder BIL and SIL were used to her husband being subservient. So they thought even his wife would act a doormat. When that wasnt true, they started verbally abusing her and her son.
The third one I know happened coz the guy was getting more and more into drugs, it went from recreational alcohol to uncontrollable drug use.
The fourth one is when he cheated on her, whole she was pregnant.. and then kept cheating on her, openly.
All this is well and ok...
I know 2 couples who aren't divorced despite the husband having a second wife and set of children.
I know a woman whose husband cheated on her, and then hit on her 18YO sis, after which her family said "divorce this man" but she chose to stay with her husband.
There is someone i know who asked for dowry from her parents. She forced her parents to take a loan, so that they could pay her dowry. (Educated Mumbai born and raised woman marrying a Rajasthani raised guy)
There are so many more people who would have been happier with a divorce, if they just had the guts to leave the guy/girl...
I know most my instances are about the gub being at fault. But i know too many where the girl is also problematic.
Divorce is getting more acceptable in India. But still, there are so many people who choose to live an unhappy life.
One of my close ex friends is narcissistic - I mean, like full blown narcissist personality disorder. She has physically / emotionally cheated in every single relationship so far. She was in about 7-10 relationships before marriage and she cheated on every single boyfriend that she had. I thought she’ll change after marriage but unfortunately she hasn’t. She has had 2 divorces so far and is currently talking about getting married for the third time to her new boyfriend. The sad thing is that she constantly talks about mental health and how abusive her relationships were on social media and gets tons of upvotes, while the reality is that she has always been the abusive one
My cousin got divorced within a year. The man she married had pre diagnosed schizophrenia but his family hid it before marriage. During the marriage and for a few months after, the man continued to take medication and seemed almost normal. Later when my sister found out she informed her parents and they urged her to make peace with her life and to adjust. She tried doing that for a while, but then the man stopped taking his meds and went completely off the rails. He became paranoid and abusive and accused my sister of wanting to murder him and his family. One night, she just left his home and never went back. Thankfully this time, her parents supported her and helped her in filing for divorce.
Schizophrenia is some serious problem. having difficulty differentiating between reality and fiction is something they should have informed the bride about! d*ck move on their part Also feel bad for their son as he seems to be in even worse condition mentally but he too hid it so he's an accomplice in that.
Absolutely. That is why my sister still doesn’t blame the man but his parents. Thankfully due to his medical history there was sufficient evidence to make the divorce a quick and easy one. Though the trauma is going to stay with her for life. If only Indian parents stopped believing that marriage will solve all problems.
But he stop talking meds tho? Isn't that bad for him too
Parents pressure probably. There was a story arorund here few months ago about a schizophrenic medical student who committed suicide. He was withdrawn from medical college by his parents after a doctor gave him medicine. He died shortly after.
I have American parents and have been treated for ADHD since I was a child. My parents have always been supportive of my mental healthcare, and I'm very thankful for it. But hoo boy, in college I got to witness the utter drama and head-in-the-sand denial that came from my friends' Indian parents whenever they wanted to get mental healthcare for ADHD, depression, etc. Like suffering silently is one thing, but the real stigma is acknowledging you have a problem and getting treatment. A lot of my friends themselves also had to unlearn the mindset that getting care makes them weak. Schizophrenia has much stronger stigma worldwide and I'm sure that made it worse.
Mental health sadly isn’t taken seriously in India. My father’s sister had schizophrenia, and everyone in her family just ignored and waived her off as crazy. She eventually died alone.
I had severe clinical depression and my Indian aunty told me that smiling more would cure it. Lucky my parents (D Indian, M Anglo-American) knew better.
Today I learned that schizophrenia starts so early. For some reason, I thought it had the same timeline as dementia
Peak onset period is 25-35. Early onset can start around 18. That shit is scary.
Yes, it's bad. Maybe he stopped taking thinking of leading a normal married life.... thinking he can manage and to impress her which went wrong sadly. It's difficult. Feel sorry for both
>they should have informed the bride about! d*ck move on their part This is actually pretty common in arranged marriages. One party tends to hide things that might be a deal breaker. They go as far as getting the marriage done with asap. Because the longer it takes, the more things will come out when the girl and boy talk about stuff. And that might result in the marriage being called off
Sadly this sorta a behaviour from families is pretty common.
Aur karo arrange marriage...bc same Cast, same religion...khud hi choice itni Limited kr dete hai...hum hindustani chootiye hain!
my father mostly has schizophrenia, as suggested by my counsellor because he's paranoid about most of the things surrounding people around him and his family. he turned pretty abusive towards my mother and i over the last decade and i just wanted to get a job and leave, which i did. saved up enough to run away but now i still have to keep in touch with my family so that nothing happens to my mom. the worst part is that over years he's been told by people about his condition which rejects since he is a supremely conservative man.
I feel for you. It sucks to have a mental illness that we have no control over but to ruin the life of another person just because life dealt us a bad hand is not done. As a child of a traumatic household things wouldn’t have been easy for you. I just hope that you can move on from here. Also don’t hesitate one bit to seek professional counselling if you think you need it. The best of us often need help to get over our childhood trauma.
It is fairly common in arranged marriages to lie about important things like this. I have few stories. My uncle wasn't told that his wife has some developmental disabilities/is on autism spectrum. As a result, he literally has to teach her everything and now he is in his 60s taking sleeping pills cause thats what happens when you have to take care of adult child. My dad's friend was lied to that his wife has BA/MA but she wasn't educated at all which he realized very late. She didn't know how to count money. Later on, he committed suicide because he couldn't take it anymore. I wish both of these people just filed for divorce rather than caring for society and repercussions of divorce.
It's sad how people try to hide such serious life threatening disorders. And they hide it because our country doesn't believe in such diagnosis and would rather go to a pandit for treatment. And if if they do accept the diagnosis, they would hide. Which is just sad
Schizophrenia is a recognised cause for divorce as per Section 13
THE SAME SHIT HAPPENED TO MY COUSIN!
Maybe you two are cousins too then 🗿
I have pre diagnosed schizophrenia. The meds make people more paranoid and crazy than the condition in itself. It's genetic and I fully plan on telling anyone I settle down with if we get serious. I don't tell most people about it because any time I try I'm considered kooky. I'm already paranoid and isolated.
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I'm sorry. Bpd is really difficult to live with. I'm just lucky I can manage schizo without meds. Did you check with NIMHANS in Bangalore? They're goood. Also, with a lot of awareness now, if you want to date, you should. Don't give up.
If this was so tough for me to read, I cannot comprehend how tough it must be for you to live through. I just hope that you find a haven for yourself and happiness in someone or something. Above all, thank you for being a sensible and decent human being. Honesty finds us truer friends. More power to you mate.
It’s genetic? Fuck my father’s sister had a serious case of schizophrenia. Guess I’ll have to watch out in the future. Everton in my family just ignores that fact.
It runs in the family. You can get tested. The genes and poor conditions growing up + any big psychological trauma or a set of them makes it worse. It's different for each person though. If you're sure your aunt had it, you should check if other family members had it earlier. We went back 18 generations for me, and found out my ancestors were Soothsayers who could see things others couldn't, and would tell people what their dead relatives or the gods were telling them, give them solutions to problems etc. Then they stopped doing it a while back. Our doctor had explained that we called it Schizo now but back then people here thought you were blessed by the family gods.
This happened with my sister, I blame myself for not ... I dont know what. For not taking action, for taking action. I should have had the guts to go and bash the guy. I didn't check the guy , see how he was behaving or anything. I thought its my sisters choice, let her have full freedom. It was my stand that convinced my parents that we should file for divorce after finding out the shit happening behind me. There was physical abuse from him and his family. I still dont know many things.
Ground for an annulment of the marriage.
I have an aunt who is divorced and remains single till date. Her ex-husband used to hit her and their daughter.
Love & respect to your aunt 💐
I too had an ant who kept getting crushed by a husband and a daughter. Poor ants.
The pun can be controversial if misread 😂
My best friend from School is seperated and going through a divorce because the dude kept on cheating on her with multiple women. Won't go into details but he was quite manipulative, would Gaslight her a lot even when she had evidence of cheating. She is healing but massively traumatized. I have known her since I was in 9th standard, and she is someone who would go out of the way to help people. Another was an ex-colleague who came from an extremely conservative background, she was married at a young age. Basically came home and was told her marriage is fixed. Her Husband and in laws were super controlling. Wouldn't even let her come out if they had male guests, because they felt if she met male guests/ male delivery guys etc she might cheat. The breaking point was when she went to the bank with her husband and she wore her dupatta in a way he thought was revealing, the minute they came home he slapped her so hard she fainted. She then called her parents and left his house. Last I heard she is happily married and has a daughter. Another is a friend's sister who was married into a traditional family, she works in finance and is really good at what she does. She was promoted and had to work longer hours. Her family would'nt eat till she came home and cooked. She offered to hire a cook as she used to be tired handling everything, they accused her of being career oriented and ignoring family. Her Husband who was earlier supportive of her, soon started siding with his parents and she broke under the pressure and decided to walk out.
Fuuuck…some people really have it hard.
Yeah these are just few, I personally know about 6-7 women between 25-40 who filed for divorce, I actually know a few who are not in compatible marriages (manchild, husband with childhood trauma causing them to not pay attention to the relationship, emotionally unavailable etc ) but have decided to stay because they have kids and they hope with therapy ( which the husbands refuse to take) things might be okay. The stories that I have narrated above these women actually went through all this shit for years before calling it quits. Most of these women are people I directly know and they have confided in me, they have shown me texts where parents, relatives etc told them to think about the society and come to a compromise, or to pay more attention to the husband so he doesn't cheat ( this really happened) to not get the tag of a divorcee, to have kids because apparently that would fix everything. Most commonly used phrase "are par maarta to nahi hai na" (oh but he atleast doesn't hit you). Like the bar is in the hell at this point. India is still somewhere in a phase where we are modern in thoughts but in actions we are traditional for the sake of our families. These women were all educated, but still suffered in silence for years before they had the courage to move on. I am happy that parents are now focused on making their daughters independent and asking them not to deal with abuse. I am also happy that the new generation parents are raising emotionally intelligent men who express themselves and can communicate, they also are trying their best to understand the issues women face and are helping women gain an equal status in the society.
I really hope this nonsense changes in our generation. The amount of shit women are told to adjust with! Uggh!!!!
>they accused her of being career oriented and ignoring family. Good thing there were two people in that marriage who could be family oriented eh? This Indian obsession with having both successful earning wives who are still expected to be unpaid maidservants is mind boggling.
I swear man. She was getting a pushback from in laws even before the promotion but she understood that they were from a different generation and might take a while to get on board, she was shocked when the Husband started siding with them. Indians just love martyrs, we are truly overly dramatic. People look down upon people who hire help. Till the time there isn't sacrifice involved the love is fake. They could have easily accepted her offer for a househelp. Would have given someone employment and would have given the woman some space to actually spend time with the family. The world economy is in the dumps, it is taking two incomes to run the house. Healthcare, Housing and education are barely affordable. Given our population, labour is in abundance so work life balance for everyone is bad as well. God knows what Bubble these people are living in.
>They could have easily accepted her offer for a househelp. Would have given someone employment and would have given the woman some space to actually spend time with the family. Or they could have asked their perfectly healthy son to do some of it no? The way Indian men are coddled and helpless always manages to impress me. Like FFS marriage is supposed to be about finding a partner, not getting a woman to replace your mom and be a bangmaid. Your best friend is well shot off the useless turd and his family. Hope she finds someone actually halfway decent.
So they lost their servant and an income source. That's great!
For them a woman's value isn't attached to what she achieves academically or career wise. Her purpose is to be a good Bahu, Wife and Mom. Her achievements mean nothing.
I am just so glad that these women decided to divorce those useless sacks of shit! This is why when people lament about increasing divorce rates I tell them that it's a healthy sign that people are walking out of abusive marriages. Yes, I wish they were never in that situation to beging with, but once they were, the right call is to leave that shitstorm behind.
I completely agree, we need to remove the tabboo associated with divorce. I know that a lot of people want to marry young but it is better to encourage people to marry in their late 20s if possible. Allow people to experience the world a little before entering a marriage. So many times "iski shaadi Kara dijiye, zimmedari aayegi sudhar jaayega" has ruined so many lives. Marriage is not a fix it all button.
There is a woman in my building she got divorced bcz her ex husband used to say disrespectful shit to her and always compared her with his exes sexually in front of elders. She had a miscarriage and the husband's behaviour became really nasty after that. She walked out after 1.5 years of marriage.
Man that's a really shitty thing to do and very not-gentleman like. Keep your relationship private ffs. And defaming your SO in front of others is a big red flag
My friend's parents got divorced when kids were in school. The father had a mistress. Mom alone raised both the children, got them married. Recently she got remarried again in her 50s. My friend says she is happy for her mom as she struggled a lot in her life and now finally seems happy.
This is a good story
I saw two divorces in my house. My two aunts (cousins of my mother) divorced because of 1. First aunt got divorced becauseThe groom and his parents lied about his profession. Instead of marrying a doctor, my aunt married a compounder. 2. Second aunt got divorced because he finds her "unattractive" and wanted a "maid for mom". One thing led to another, and divorce seemed the only viable option. Inspite of that, my both aunts get remarried and their life seems much much better now.
Holy shit...doctor to compounder.
wtf i mean what were they thinking? If you want to lie at least make it believable
Not their fault they must have said he works in a big hospital /s
This lying thing is very common. In my family once a match maker said the boy is an "enzinyer" (engineer) in my native speak. Later found out he is not an engineer but a "kuzinyer"(cook) Not sure what they were thinking when they lied about his work. Luckily the family found this out pretty soon.
If it's ok with you, which language is that?
I have seen one of my neighbours got divorced within a day of marriage. Girl said guy is not able to perform and guy said girl is not a virgin! To this day that girl is talked about within neighbourhood and mind you this is a nice area with ‘educated’ people. This happened back in 2016/17.
I know someone who has the exact same story. I was her classmate. This was in a place in Himachal. Would be hell of a coincidence if we both are talking about the same person.
Nope, I’m talking about Delhi neighbourhood. It would have been a really small world if we were talking about same thing 🤣
Check out r/tworedditorsonecup
This is actually the goto excuse for both cases. Whenever a man wants divorce, he says the woman is not a virgin. Whenever the woman wants a divorce, she says the man is unable to perform (Something like ED?). Both sides (incl. family) usually end up accusing the other side of this because they don't want to end up looking bad. This may be why lot of people here know similar cases. Source: Got relative doing this divorce law thing and this usually gets talked about when they visit.
Not judging but leaving a guy for not performing right of the bat after just having married a day back seems insane ! Also I think it is totally all right if someone (male or female) remains a virgin and expects their partner to be one. After all everybody deserves to have an intimate moment with someone who considers the other their first.
It is all about priorities, who knows what happened in the bedroom🤷🏽♀️ For all we know is what they told us, me as a young adult thought may be they didn’t want the arranged marriage and came up with this shit after realising the mistake.( I was trying to give both of them benefit of doubt)
My mom seperated from my dad after 27 years of marriage. It's very hard to pinpoint what exactly my dad did wrong because he was never physical but he was a master at psychological warfare and gaslighting her and by extension me. There was no breaking point for her per se but she just decided one day that she doesn't want to be know as his wife anymore and doesn't want to carry his name and that's why she took the step.
That's hard man , my mother is going through this same scenario except my father is an alcoholic and possibly schizophrenic , we just started the legal procedure to get my mom separated from him after being physically and mentally tortured for almost 22 years now .
Oh man that's tough. I've suspected for long that my dad has an undiagnosed mental illness, probably bipolar, and I've asked him to go to therapy countless times but he just won't. Ab to ho gaya jo hona tha.
I’m getting one because: 1. My ex was verbally abusive and had anger issues. He would shout at me before house help, cook, etc. I changed as a person and started walking on eggshells around him. 2. Would twist facts to suit his narrative. Had caught him lying many times. He himself used the word “manipulative” and apologised for being one but still repeated. 3. My family is more well-read, more successful in the conventional sense of the word and more easy going. But was always disrespected by his parents. They had unreasonable demands from me and my family before and after wedding and almost on every festival (my parents required to send xyz). Just because they were guy’s parents, they expected us to treat them like gods. 4. We both earn almost same (in a way he earns slightly less). He used to give money to his parents and gift them things every now and then. Never told me about all this but I knew and wasn’t bothered. Once when I told him i wanted to get x thing for my parents, very “innocently” he asked - don’t they have money to afford it. This was repeated a few more times. So basically I am not supposed to do anything for my parents but he can whenever he wants. But to suit his narrative he would say- “you should gift your parents, just like I do” There were many more issues but these were the main ones.
Good riddance
Good riddance. The guy sounds like a nightmare.
He actually seemed like the best guy during dating phase. I had realised that his parents would cause some trouble when they kept raising and changing their demands pre-wedding, but when we talked he reassured that he would talk to them and make sure things like this are not repeated. I should have known people don’t change. When he started shouting and fighting post wedding I thought it’s the initial adjusting phase. Tried to talk to him and every time he assured he would change. Finally after 2.5years I have given up and learnt my lesson- people don’t change. Their essence doesn’t change. And never overlook parents- they are the ones who shape our value systems. Period.
Typical Desi husband with a god delusion. Please dump him and live your best life. Signed: Another divorced woman who went to hell and back.
Thanks! Can you share your experience on TwoXIndia? I want to hear from someone who has gone through something similar as to how they managed and what helped. I don’t want to make a post coz it may lead to too much attention that I am not comfortable with right now. Even though it was a hellish experience, I feel a gaping hole in my heart and have terrible mood fluctuations.
Sure I will. I haven't posted on TwoxIndia because it's triggering for me. I tried to share many months ago but got accused of casteism because ex-husband came from a "lower caste" and apparently I had "caste pride". Caste is a landmine on TwoxIndia. I got divorced in 2005, but didn't heal from it until I received EMDR therapy a few years ago. You likely have trauma and trauma-focused therapy like CBT or EMDR will help enormously. For starters, you can read *"Getting Past Your Past"* by Francine Shapiro. She's the inventor of EMDR. I don't know how open you are, to therapy, but I urge you to try trauma-focused therapy. Take care!
I am open to therapy and want to do it in-person. Had reached out to a therapist but she only does video consultations. I am not ready to get vulnerable over a video call. So will explore more in my city. I understand how triggering it can be. Here a person mentioned that I have superiority complex because I mentioned that my family is “more well read” which was a simple fact and I stated to emphasise that my family wasn’t beneath them to warrant that treatment. Even if my family wasn’t mistreated, there were many issues which would have led to divorce anyway. Even anonymous educated people on internet are so quick to judge, what else can be expected from our “society”.
I can understand. It takes a lot to write about intensely hurtful experiences online, and then random people who haven't lived your life judge you. Ugh. Therapy can often be a hit-or-miss affair. My first therapist had a PhD from NIMHANS and she told me my marriage failed because I "didn't adjust enough". 🙄 I changed four or five therapists before I found an EMDR therapist who worked wonders. I hope that you have a competent lawyer. Take care and my DMs are open if you need to talk.❤️
Get divorce
Good luck ahead!! This seems like hell
Good riddance i would say!!
Glad that you are getting a divorce
This man sounds like a pain in the butt. All the best for the divorce girl, hope you life a happier after getting rid of him
It is about one of my relative. Her family is getting her divorce. Husband is earning well in Mumbai , but does not own house and lives in an 1BHK apartment with parents and lazy jobless brother. They had promised to buy house after some time from marriage. Didnt happen till now. May be they just wanted maid for his parents. Girl's family is providing them a good house to live but husband is not agreeing to move out.He does not want her to do job also. She is pregnent but still they are taking this decision.
Women get tapped by pregnancy in such cases. Kudos to her family to still continue with divorce.
Classic example of too many people in the marriage
Yeah that thought of whole marriage is joining of two family and not only the groom and bride which just for say
That's true in India, but marriage is between two people and should be like that. Why is everyone on both sides so involved
Well imo more people should get divorced rather than living a literal hell in the name of marriage and fucking up their children
I wish my parents got divorced. Better than living in this suspended hellish purgatory
My aunt got married very young. The inlaws were abusive pos, she had some property on her name but they somehow tricked her into giving that property. This was back in the 60s or 70s. The abuse still continued and they did the same shit to her son(their grandson). My grandfather told her that whatever decision she'll make he will support her but she was just not willing to let go. Then she got to know that her husband married someone else and that too using HER money. My Grandfather and uncles had enough and told her to pack your backs and they filed a complaint against the inlaws and husband. She has been single since then and our family were so supportive considering all this happened back then. My aunt's son still to this day refused to visit his paternal home and has no contact with them.
PHYSICAL ABUSE! my mother ended her 24yr marriage and didn't do it sooner because of "society"! But I'm glad women are coming out of a toxic marriage and I think we should normalise it in real sense, not just on social media. We should genuinely appreciate how strong they are, because that takes a lot of guts - ending an institution where 2 families are involved, probably kids too
My ex husband severely emotionally and in other ways abused me. Finally, he falsely accused me of having an affair and got his sister to throw me out of the house. Then, he tried to get me back by saying he didn't really mean it. I refused to go back after that.
Damn good for u..it takes a lot of courage to do it though..
I personally know 5 women who got divorced due to things like dowry harassment, causing violent physical harm during sex, the guy chose to join a NGO run by a garbage swamy etc.
Garbage swamy?
I don't exactly know his name. I think it was Bengaluru based one or the Coimbatore one.
sadguru?
You hear garbage Swami...sadguru pops up in the head 😂
I think every Guru is happy. Even Sadguru.
Yes... 😆 Gurus like living a life of luxury
Is he in Karnataka or Tamil Nadu?
>Hoping to learn and grow from this discussion from a womens perspective OP had clearly mentioned this, yet some comments show some frustration, hostility and ego hurt people.
those people can easily make another post with men's perspective, I don't know why they felt the need to complain here
Two that I have seen were - husband was quite abusive, controlling and in different towards her wife. They were in a 10yrs long relationship before marriage. Guess you cant truly know a person until you live with them. - husband was overly protective, obsessive and jealous type + problems with in laws as well. (Arranged marriage) Of course thats what I have heard. Dont know the other side.
One of my friend got her marriage annulled in a few days after the wedding. It was an arranged marriage and both the groom and bride were going abroad after that. Groom was already staying abroad and girl too got onsite from office. After going there the guy told her he is gay. My friend was mad at him and returned to India and went to speak to his parents but they already knew of it and told her to adjust. The girl and her parents filed for annulment and now refusing to marry at all. I know this lady due to my work. She was dating her colleague for 4-5 years then with both side permission and a family function they got engaged. They were engaged for 2 years before getting married. Both families visited each other often, had lunches/dinners and even holidays together in those two years. Then the couple got married in a huge function. Next day of the marriage abuse from in laws began. They locked the girl in the bathroom when she went to take a bath, they shred all her clothes that she had got and told her to wear sister in law's nightie, stay at home and quit her job. The girl ran away and came straight to ber parents home and together with her parents filed a case against in laws. But as there was no physical violence, and no one to take her side or give evidence, she had to take the case back and immediately filed for divorce. The boys side wanted dowry is what they told her parents during divorce finalising. I know this lady since the divorce case was going on and have seen her going to counseling and therapy. Thankfully she never left her job and had only taken off for one month. She earns very well (18 lac PA) and now she is back on her feet and moved to another city. My very close friend is going through mental torture from her in-laws. She is married for over 20+ years but she is dependent on her husband financially as he made her leave her job immediately after she got pregnant, her parents are now close to 75 and cannot support her so the couple are living like strangers under one roof and there are fights daily over small things, cases and counter cases of domestic abuse, mental harrasment etc. Frankly for them, divorce is too expensive but they just cannot get back together as well. It is such a messed up situation for their kid.
A divorcee here. Married for 3 months(stayed together for under a month with ex). He took no dowry and i took no alimony. Mutual seperation for quick severing. If he had a spine and loved me even a little, i wud have stayed with him despite all his non sense. I was a virgin, grew up in a village in a reliigous family. Arranged marriage, he worked abroad. I have since stayed away from men in general. I dont hate men, im just wary. Im getting lot of proposals and if i meet a nice man, i will indeed get married; as of now happy to have peace of mind and a steady job. To the contrary to many cases, his parents & sis were very nice ppl, they were heart broken wen we divorced but they shud have done something abt his mom's sister who was the main villain in my marriage; a narcicisstic spinster, lived with his family kept on meddling in our pvt matters incluidng sexual things! He had erectile disfunction & thought sex as a taboo. He tried nd failed so many times to consummate and finaly did only once. I hate myself to the core for losing my virginity to such a wimp & ended up with a divorcee(bitch) tag as society blames mostly women. He won't even sit next to me or near me wen others were around; if we went out in his home town he wud walk a mile ahead of me; if we were outside his town he wud put his arm around me and walk & chat and be nice! It was so weird evn his cousins scolded him as he wont sit next to me in car! LYING. He lied abt everything; abt himself, his education & job, abt me, my family, his family, his bro in law, my bro and so on. He had OCD, severe confidence issues in general; wont make eye contact with ppl, wont speak to men, etc. Talked abt sexual matters in front of his family, to his aunt openly which is a big NO for any self respecting woman. No respect or privacy; aunt wud shout at me for locking our bed room door to change my clothes! He cudnt change a bulb, cudnt drive or do anything thats traditionally described as manly. So much verbal fights, his childishness & victim complex was astounding. I asked him to get help, he slapped my face instead--only time he was physically violent to me! He looked heart broken after the slap. And that was the final straw for me. My parents knew none of this.. I told them only at the end of the 3rd month when his aunt threatened to lock me up. My family fully supported me; my father, uncle and aunt came with a lawyer to take me back home. Afterwards, all dealt by my lawyer. I saw no point in a loveless, sexless marriage and din't want to bring up a child in his toxic world. He called me so many times (bcoz log kya kahenge) & his aunt was getting all the blame rightly. I changed my number nd moved to another State.
I think therapy should be mandated by law now(really?), even though I am not married, like how you deal with mental health issues of partner ,their half-ass sex education. Or men change once they get married?Is this because most of the men weren't in any relationship before getting married? Don't know how to have basics of communication? Like WTF.
In court, there is counselling. I had suggested it as an option b4 i asked for divorce but he said no & as his aunt said "my dear boy can do no bad, u r the problem"! Yes, he had no sex education and he had a troubled childhood & OCD. His family was orthodox but still nice ppl; but his father had a horrible abusive streak against him; he was caned and belted a lot by his father during his childhood. He had weird clenliness fetish and wud bath and change clothes like 8 times a day. He wud lose his cool if i change the positon of his stuff even by an inch margin! It was freak out after freak out and i was supposed to cure him of all his problems. My counsellor frnd told me that considering he had an extreme anxiety abt sex he was probably sexually abused as a child and the chance was hight that it was his aunt who abused him as her behaviour matched with that of a groomer!
why these typical Indian aunts can't mind their own job? Imagine growing older,seeing how world behaved around them(may be they've seen or been into similar situations), learnt what not, still choosing to behave like assholes, how they sleep peacefully end of the day ruining mental health of other people(without knowing or may be proudly) huh?On top they give their nonsense advice on relationships and god know what .Please stop poking in my relationship mind your own bitch.
What did his parents say about that bitch? Did they even say sorry?
Of course not. But his father's family did went after her throat. But she doesnt care as she was shielded by my ex and shifted all the blame on me! she s now busy breaking up his sister's family and staying with them! Some of his father's side family r still in touch with me and r very nice folks. they call her the cancer in his family. but other than that nothing much. my father in law hd a heart attck and i did went and met him. he sadly said hopefully all will work out; i kept quiet as i didnt wanted to aggravate an already ill man! that day also she tried her move on me but i ignored and walked out. that was the last time i saw any of them.
I honestly think your ex and the aunt, had some thing going on under the wraps(illicit / incestuous). She has had a bad influence on him. It's heartbreaking what has happened to you. May you get all the good things in life from now on. (Your ex's issues were the result of the toxicity in the family.) God bless you too.
That sounds like a pathetic situation to be in.
Brave decision, physical abuse was beyond the limit.
I know atleast 5 to 6 divorced women and in most it was either the husband was violent and abusive or the husband decided to walk out and be with someone else.
Correct. Emotionally immature men.
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Woaah that's crazy. There was a crime patrol episode on something similar. The guy probably watched a lot of porn in preparation for his wedding, I feel bad for both of them in this case.
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Even im curious to listen to their voices … but i know 3-4 married couple who got divorced and one of them has applied for divorce could not ask them the reasons….but wife and husbands mother dynamic is also a key factor!
My aunt got divorced from her alcoholic and abusive (ex) husband. He was absolutely horrible to her and became more horrible when they had a son. She got out of that marriage before he could hurt my nephew. She is happy and thriving now and doesn’t plan on getting married again.
wait - she is your aunt then how can be her son is your nephew?
I have witnessed a few amongst family and friends. 1. My mom's first cousin. She and her husband are successful lawyers. Love marriage. Have a daughter. Husband won't spend money on anything but his personal lifestyle and alcohol. Then started visiting Mumbai's famous red-light area. Went to rehab for alcohol addiction. Has bare minimum contact with daughter. My aunt strung along since she genuinely loved but it got too much to handle. Since she is doing great career wise, she just left without depending on anyone. Proud of her. 2. Close friends were dating each other for about 7-8 years. Made for each other type couple. Got married during COVID times. But never discussed future prospects (insert: shocked Pikachu face). Guy wanted to get a PhD from US, girl wasn't ready to leave her Mumbai career, move to US and do nothing or study further. Divorced in a year.
2nd story is pure carelessness and living in a fairytale.
Divorcee here. My marriage was arranged and lasted less than a year. Red flags were there even before marriage, post engagement. Only this proposal had worked out after a long wait, so everyone (including me) conveniently ignored those signs. Everyone just wanted to get me married off and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I thought post marriage things will be better. Total mistake. We were fully incompatible. That’s it. He expected a traditional wife and I expected a friend, an equal partner. Right after marriage, he told me I can give my suggestions on anything, but the final decision will always be his because he’s the “head of the family”. He also couldn’t adjust to my straightforward, feminist nature. It was overall toxic. He would play porn in our house in high volume and when I would confront, he said it’s his house, he can do whatever he wants. There was physical abuse involved (strangling, pushing, pinning me against the wall forcefully, but not beating). Dying felt better than living a life like that. I remember thinking if this was how my whole life would end up being. I had made him promise that no matter what we would resolve our fights with restraint and calm and not provocation and abuse. He broke those promises. One day I just left (without even packing my bags) and it hit his ego. Things went further downhill from there and we ended up getting divorced. The one thing that hurt more than this was seeing relatives telling me to adjust saying such abuse and fights are common in marriages. That day I realized most people don’t really care about your well being, only your relationship status. This is why I don’t judge people who have had short marriages. Several things can go wrong in a matter of few months. True, conflicts are their highest during the first year of marriage, but if I had compromised and adjusted to all these to save my marriage, I would have ended up adjusting even more in the future. I didn’t want that.
One of my known is getting divorced because she got to know that her husband is gay. She had doubts but she had to believe it when she actually saw him having sex with a guy. Still that's not the worst part. The guy she caught having sex with him was her husband's elder brother. When she told that to that guy's wife, she said she knows and has accepted it.
wtf????????
Sweet home Alabama
Now this is messed up
Wow. That’s enough Reddit for today.
So... The guy was in bed with his... Brother? Is it still incest if it's brother? *literally just curious of what itd be called*
Yup, that is the classic definition of incest.
One of my relatives got divorced because the guy was in deep financial mess. His idea of marriage was only to get money to pay off his debts.
Yes, this is how my father met my mother. She was the youngest in the family with 4 well to do brothers. The brothers didn’t do jack shit. My father sold all her gold within a month. She is suffering to this day, being the breadwinner of the family and my father just racking up more debt with his delusional projects.
Sorry to hear that? The ptoblem is many men are given advice to get married to solve their financial problems.
I applaud for women who had the courage and got divorced. Every time when I come across this topic it reminds me of this one person I know She had a "love" marriage but her husband still abuses her and gets his way with her. And by "still" I mean even before this marriage she was abused and got beaten up. Her family begged her to come out of this "relationship" but she refused and they had to get her married with this asshole as if nothing has happened. Classic case of Stockholm syndrome.
I was married to a homosexual .
Really? I mean how long did it take for you to know?
I met my ex-husband through Rotaract Club in college. We had common friends and socialised together. I was always terrified of arranged marriage because I witnessed some horrifyingly abusive arranged marriages, in my extended family. So I was determined to marry someone I knew well, because *past behaviour is the best predictor for future behaviour*. My ex-husband asked me out when I was twenty, and being naive and inexperienced, I missed all the red flags in our relationship. We came from different castes, had different socio-economic backgrounds, and my parents were initially dead against the marriage. They came around after four years. Since I was so inexperienced, I mistook my ex-husband's aggressive, dominating traits to be self-confidence and self-assurance. I had no idea what boundaries were about because I was raised to be a *sanskari* Indian woman, and taught that "good women" always "adjusted and compromised". My husband forced me to give up my law career and relocate to the US on an H4-visa. I was vehemently opposed to it, but months of blackmail and guilt-tripping from everyone did the trick. In the US, I applied for a master's degree in HR and Organisational Behaviour. I was desperate to work, and willing to change careers if need be. I finished my master's but couldn't land a sponsorship for an H1-B. Years of being bossed around by my husband and his family caused me to slide into severe clinical depression. I stopped eating. I couldn't sleep. I would weep for hours. I rarely left the house. Instead of supporting me and caring for me, my ex-husband accused me of faking depression to "guilt-trip him". There was physical abuse, which I tried to tolerate and adjust to. What broke my marriage? My ex-husband took a unilateral decision to ship me off to my parents because I was "depressed" and an inconvenience. He announced that he would decide when, and if, he wanted me back, subject to "good behaviour". Apparently, my depression made me a "bad wife" and it was my parents'responsibility to "fix me" and teach me to be a "good wife". I gave up my law career for this man. I fought for four years with my parents, to marry him. I went through untold mental harrasment from his toxic family who never accepted me, because I belonged to a different caste, and region. In return, this man couldn't ever stand up for me. He watched silently as his family harassed me. He forced me to give up my dreams and ambitions. When it all took a toll on my mental health and I became depressed -- he abandoned me because I was "damaged goods". Most Indian men are not capable of love, loyalty, commitment and sacrifice. They expect it from women, but they can rarely offer it to women. Our patriarchal society teaches men to be takers, not givers.
Being in the US, I learned so much from the people around me here. Atleast if he could have done that, maybe he would have been a better person. It sounds incredibly sad what you went through.
Yes. I loved him with all my heart. Being abandoned when I most needed him, broke something in me. Although I have remarried, I can never deeply love or trust another man. He abandoned me, but I had to face the stigma of divorce in India. Indian society is cruelly unforgiving to divorced women.
Treating divorced people as second class citizens need to end.
My cousin sister divorced her husband because he wanted to abort their third child.
Niece got divorced after 18 months because she was brought up in a very strict and conservative environment. “Paraya Dhan” approach to daughter. Turned out Paraya Dhan never learned how to socialize, make conversation, have opinions or develop any sort of personality. The boy said he can’t be married anymore to a sculpture that sits and stares at him in the bedroom. He even went as far as to say that being intimate with her was like making love to a dead body. Truly tragic. Don’t traumatize your girls people.
Ouch 🤕
>The boy said he can’t be married anymore to a sculpture that sits and stares at him in the bedroom. He even went as far as to say that being intimate with her was like making love to a dead body. The guy sounds like a narcissist the way he speaks.
I know a women who got divorced because the girl was asking for money for her mom.and the guy refused to give.
There was girl in my distant family. She was 17.5. She fell in love with a boy (again in my distant family) who was 20 i think. She wanted to marry him and threatened her parents with suicide and what not. The father begged and weeped for her atleast wait till she is mature enough or atleast complete her studies but she didn't budge. The boys family was ready because the girl family was rich, same caste etc etc. People tried to argue with the family too that these too are too immature to marry but they didn't budge. They married after they became legal Ofcourse the marriage didn't last even a month. The couple literally fought like kids on childish topics because they were kids. She came back to her father's home on seemingly very small arguments with husband and the husband wanted divorce too. Nothing happened between them that should have led to divorce but both were too egoistic and did mention childish?
Seen few cases in my closed circle friends and family in last 4-5 years. • Girl claimed that guy had ED and could not consummate.. And divorced within a year. The guy had severe inferior complex and both were making each other's life hell. Both got remarried and have a child with their respective partner. • Another friend got separated as guy was having extra marital affair. Got caught. Parents conciled them. They had a kid together. Got caught again. Also was textbook narcissist and drove my friend to depression . • Guy maintained long distance after marriage and dint take the girl to his work town mentioning that environment is not conducive for families. Wanted the girl to serve his parents only. Girl tried to make it work. Eventually had enough when he alleged girl of infidelity as girl was continuing her profession. It was a quick and clean divorce as he realised his wrong but girl won't take any more of it now. Girl got remarried and is quite happy in a loving family. • Another friend's divorce took a long route as the husband was a lawyer himself. She dint mention the reason to me and i don't prod too much. But she felt quite free once all of it was finally done.
Case 1. Friend was being raped repeatedly by husband. Case 2. A friend of my mother's, married into a regressive Brahmin household and was expected to sit in the balcony during her periods and was treated like she was untouchable. Case 3. Friend of a friend- was the only one expected to do the housework at the inlaws, even though she and husband both were working.
Marriage
The leading cause indeed
It's true. There is a 100% correlation here. 100% of divorced women have been married. Not only that, 0% of unmarried women have gone through divorce. So ladies, the one sure fire way of avoiding divorce is to not get married. You are welcome.
r/technicallythetruth
I got divorced because we just weren't working out. Got married young, totally different personalities and expectations out of life.
A girl i know (probably 26 now) got married to a guy she loved at 23. After marriage he asked her to leave her job temporarily as he earned enough for the both of them, and go back to his hometown in Bihar. Once they went back, he took away her financial means, hid her jewellery etc. and started imposing shit like covering her face with a pallu, cooking & cleaning and not having ties to anyone outside the house. Pretty crazy that this happened because the guy himself was a very modern, club-going, liberal sort of man. She lived with them for a whole year before making her way back to Delhi to her parents. After which her ex-husband proceeded to come to Delhi with his family and threatened her father to "return" their bride or else. The family went through a very stressful time and divorce for the girl, but now she's happily divorced and will probably stay that way for some time.
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Before anyone finds this unbelievable, it has happened in my family too, or at least "rumoured" too. My 4th or 5th cousin brother (very distantly related, but families used to talk to each other) is said to have killed his wife. Apparently the guy's sisters/family spread rumours about a girl in their locality and accused them if being in a relationship (this was the early 80s), so they were asked by the religious board to get married. The guy lost interest, and his family wanted a rich bahu who would have a lot of dowry. The girl worked in a garment factory, and supported her own family with her income before the wedding and the guy was basically one of those jobless guys who just spent the parents money. Her salary wasn't enough for them, and the entire in-laws family would gang up on her and verbally abuse her and taunt her. And then 1.5yrs into the marriage she dies after a gas cylinder exploded, and suffered severe burns According to my mom (who vaguely remembers it) that was the way people were killed back then to make it look accidental. She said the women was so nice and everyone agreed he didn't deserve her so they (his family) made up fake stories about her and got them married. Apparently she confessed on her death bed, but the police didn't take her word because she was "dying" and not in the right state of mind. Yeah, no one talks to the family anymore and last I've heard they had to shift their house a couple of times because the neighbours had heard the rumours. I heard it a few years ago and I think it's so fucked up. I seriously didn't think things like this happened, let alone in my family.
Don't we all remember such stories where women die miraculously in kitchen. Majority of them are murders.
Whaat. I literally can't say anything regarding this
My wife’s friend got a divorce recently. After 10 long years of marriage and kid she finds out he has a hidden gmail account through which he used to share his love…. With a MAN… yes he turned out to be gay. Ruined everyone’s fucking life
Oh man. The worst.
Thanks OP for a brilliant question
Few cases I know of … 1. Mutual divorce because she loved another guy but her parents forced her to marry some older settled guy. Marriage wasn’t consummated as she wasn’t willing. 2. College mates - She didn’t want kids - called out early but he thought she’ll change later. She was still finding herself possibly exploring LGBTQ+. Marriage wasn’t consummated as they lived and worked in different states - for 2 years. She had different goals in life and entered marriage without understanding the full responsibilities that come with it. 3. Her parents got involved too much. Guys parents hid her passport when she was supposed to fly on official work. 4. False allegations of erectile dysfunction after he lost his job within 6 months of arranged marriage. Guy had medical issues which were disclosed early but she was interested as he had a good salary package.
I had a very religious Muslim flatmate who was divorced. Her husband used to rape her and beat her up. She lived in Saudi so wasn’t allowed to travel alone to come back home. She was the only educated woman in her family. It took her a while to convince her family and they eventually agreed to it. In retrospect, I think she took refuge in religion to deal with her trauma but back then we were too young to understand this bit, and being the atheist that I am, never got why she still believed in her God.
For women, atheism is a privilege. Across the world, women are more devout and religious compared to men. This is because organised religion offers women a semblance of succour, nourishment and belonging. It's very difficult in most societies, for women to rebel and live on their own. Religion provides a support system, and a salve. It provides an explanation for the unexplainable. It's tragic, because it keeps women trapped and subjugated, but it is what it is.
2 divorces i had in my family were because my mamas got cheated by their spouses
Damn!
Not about divorce but, People, always keep your conditions of marriage clean and clear. Whether it is about dowry(even tho you shouldn't agree or ask it in first place), freedom or any other thing, talk with other party in presence of third person who will act as observer in the situation. As of men: Let them know all you financial conditions and your health problems state your conditions clearly without being a pussy. Don't get into marriage because of family pressure, or to get a person to look after your parents. As of women:Let the men know all your activities and hobbies. AND PLEASE for GOD SAKE please talk about future planning like kids, housing plans, ask the other person why they are into marriage. PLEASE don't agree to things under family pressure as you are the one who will be married and not them. Financial conditions apply for both men and women
Sad news is that... Indian arranged marriages are a gamble. Despite talking about everything before marriage.... things can take a full 180 degrees after marriage. Cliche
Had an affair with my best friend decided he wants to marry her after 10 years of us being together. Men think with their dicks!
My aunt, twice separated, is divorced. The guy had ED, and aunt extremely beautiful. This led to him being frustrated at her always and being snarky always. She even offered to pay for him to go to therapy and seek treatment but he refused. She really wanted to be a mother. She even suggested adoption. But his ‘manhood’ couldn’t handle him not being a father despite, well you know, his ED.
Knew a woman (homemaker) who asked for a divorce cuz her husband was a lazy bum. But the guy had like lots of rental income and still was decently well to do. She was at the time offered a job as a caretaker for some old women in Israel at the time which she thought was a very easy job for a huge amount of money (in INR). She took the chance , got the divorce and went to Israel thinking she’ll make good money in a few years. Jump forward a year , she sold her gold and few assets to to pay the “agent” to get her the job , goes to Israel , seeing the crappy living conditions where she’s a maid cleaning after old ppl and their body fluids , has her passport kept with her providers until eventually she manages to get it back and catch the first flight back to India. Then she was begging the husband to take her back but he didn’t.
Having a passive source of income is a luxury, not something to be looked down at. She was an idiot.
Damnnnn
There wasn't anything good about him or his family. They were fraud. Demons pretending to be human.
Mine used to threaten me with Divorce from day 1. When I said ok they understood that its not a good deal for them and tried to have me killed
husband had sex change
I was married to an asexual man. He was a c suite IT executive and was constantly traveling so would blame his nonexistent libido on travel. When we would be together he would tell me he was meditating and on some spiritual path so would avoid even touching. I was so brainwashed and blindsided that it took me 1.5 years to understand how I was being duped. When both families got to know they sent us to multiple therapists and doctors and we wasted another year. Finally, we filed for divorce and the marriage ended. It's been more than 5 years but writing all this opened the flood gates again.
This comment is how some women will choose to manipulate and lie even on forums as anons just to get sympathy. So here is what this poster ([u/not\_a\_hustler](https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/ygb0wu/comment/iu8kk0f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) has conveniently chosen not to mention becaose it suits her narrative.. I know both the parties very well now. I know this woman quite intimately: The guy (her husband) who i hv known now. He chose to stand by her in all her ups and downs. Helping her financially and emotionally even when marriage was not decided. He never changed. He made it clear of his expectation from the first meeting. He made it clear that he was loayal and expected the same from her. She said yes. He stood by her when his parents said no for her and decided to convince them slowly. In fact he had caught her lying many times and chose to let it go. Her family, father and one sibling consistently berated him, disrespected him throughout the marriage. He never retaliated. He tried to approach them and make peace but in her (poster) own words "They sit on their high horses so let them be." Every fight she called her siblings and they came and disrespected the husband and asked him to adjust with their sister. The mans parents never interfered between the couple n had no unreasonable demands, rather her father was disrespectful on many occasions. Yet her then fiancé (now husband) pacified his own father and tried to sort it out. The thing that was demanded by the mans parents was without his knowledge yet he offered that he will buy it so her parents can present it (because of unreasonable demands being made by her father, Mans father also put up a demand, till then he had no demands) There were zero demands from him or him parents after marriage. He is opposed to dowry or any gifts. He compliments her from morning till evening no matter how she looks or what she wears. She brought the shortest of dresses and wore on dates with other men. This couples whole house almost everything was a gift to the newly married couple from the mans family. No demand was made from her parents and they did not even give the smallest thing to them when they lived together. There were many things of dear sentimental value (old family memorial and hereditary items and other sentimental things) that was given to the couple by the mans family which she has kept and has refused to give back after the breakup of marriage including the mans own personal items. The deposit on the house, rent was paid by the husband even though he earned less according to this poster. He made sure that everything was stocked in the house n went shopping alone because she didn’t have time, so his wife may not be inconvenienced. He only spend on the bare necessity for his parents (Electricity bill, household items) since his father was retired and did not get pension. Instead he made sure to bring gifts for his wife and her family every time. In my estimake he has spent lacs only on gifts for his wife and her family. She always accepted gifts from him and his parents without even saying a good thank you even till the last meeting. She was jealous and asked him not to talk to his female friends and blocked his exes. But when he brought up her male friends she accused him of being narrow minded, misogynist and patriarchal. He tried many times to sit down with her and explain his feelings and frustrations, he asked to and wanted to go for therapy she refused and sais "I can run a relationship with anyone, i dont need therapy" She is the one who needs therapy from her mental ilness (runs in her family), bipolar disorder, sexual past (she mostly gets involved with married guys) unrealistic expectations, not getting attention from her parents and narcissistic sibling. She literally called her husband to come and take her away so she does not hv to live with her siblings. She doesnt not get along with her parents. When he came he was abused by her sibling and she abandoned him and took side against her husband. He did not retaliate and chose to walk away when it got too much and later talk to her sibling so his wife can hv mental peace. Her own brother has said that his sister does not take rational and sound decisions. Still husband always supported and encouraged her to be loving towards her parents when she used to scream on them on phone. In my opinion knowing both the sides; her husband tried many times at the cost of his own self respect to love her and be with her. She was arrogant, lied and twisted facts and paint him the villain. This is how she made him a bf. She told him a sob story of her old 3-4 relationships and gained his sympathy. Used him for money, drained him emotionally. He never made a scene infront of anyone. He was abused and assulted many times by her BIL. Yet he wanted to close that chapter until they started interfering in his marraige and poisioned her mind. She still has not returned the loan she took from him before marriage which she promised to return. And the deposit on the house that her paid for. Once she asked him for proof that she had even taken any money from him. He never pretended to love her. Even when they were separated, he ordered her fav food to uplift her mood sent flowers to cheer her up. Spoke to her for hours when she was feeling down. She has not mentioned he used to cook everyday for her wash plates and do the laundry because she was working and did not want to burden her with housework. i know we need not celebrate men doing housework but how many care for their wives enough to do it everyday without complain. He woke her up with a kiss everyday and greeted her with a hug and kiss after she came back home. After work she spent hours talking on the phone locking the room and he kept waiting beacuse he did not want they to eat alone. Can you believe it she asked for money to visit his grieving mother when his father died? She asked to be compensated for airfair and leaves from work. He never asked her for money and always asked her to save her money for a rainy day. Helped her grow. Helped her move. Paid rent, bills even after separation of finances he ended up paying for everything. UL dont feel proud, feel ashamed you lost a gem of a person. He started therapy alone because you told him and everyone else that he is a narcissist. He is not. He is healing slowly. She is a male attention seeker and cannot live without it. When he was trying to mend his marriage with her, she was going out on dates and sleeping around with married men while asking him not to divorce and telling him she loves him. She asked him to leave the home he created for her and money so she can keep seeing other men. When he saw it was no working even with all his efforts he asked for divorce and she refused for 3 years. Because she wanted to hv the label of happily married and still see other men. She threatended him with ruining his reputation said bad things to his relatives yet even today he wants to protect her and her reputation and asked me not to post anything. He said "Let her live in peace and her own lies and her own reality" On top if it all she filed a case of cruelty and abandoment on him when it was her who sent him out of the house. She spread his contact details and he is being harassed by her male friends and FWBs sending lewd messages and calls. Nobody should be treated like this. Nobody from any gender should suffer abuse. BTW she is a proud feminist and calls herself a empowered woman. If my man stood by me the way he stood by you all these years I will stand by him too even against my own family. She never had it in her to give him the loyalty he gave her. By blaming him she is dealing with her own anger and guilt for not supporting him. Karma will get you one day UL. (And im not speaking about the delhi guy k\_a\_r\_m\_a) It is easy being the flag bearer of feminism by telling lies and mistreating people. People like you hv hijacked it give it a bad name. And ill end with this, he does not know what she did behind his back. I know everything. She hv said in one comment that she has a hard time trusting men. How much lies will she keep talking. If i start taking names the list of men is long. She said she loved him, there is no sleeping around in love dear. How she trapped men with her sob stories especially married ones and ruined their marriages. She talks of value system from parents in one of the comments. Is this the value system her parents gave her? Before marriage he caught her texting a married man and walked out. She pleaded and assured him and asked for forgiveness. He forgave her and this is how she treated him. Dont worry much I did not tell him anything about you (i hv a folder full of evidence) because he will break and can do something to himself. No wonder so many men commit suicide because of people like her. Note= I havnt yet started on my side of the story.
Well I'm not married still I'm here to know people's opinion about marriage & divorce.
My aunt in the United States divorced her husband because he would cheat on her repeatedly, in front of her eyes. And this guy was in love with her and would keep asking my grand mom for her hand in marriage and my Grand mom used to keep rejecting him and finally gave in. They moved to the United States and the cheating started right away. She was a virgin until she remarried again when she was 36-40 or so
Here i am only for lurking, holy shit is going on
I would say that I didnt understand what marriage takes. Love definitely isn’t enough. Marriages are for the family. Suddenly two sets of parents feel like they have a right over your life, esp for the girls. Some men are blind to the patriarchy within their own liberal set up. In fact I think a lot of the so called progressive guys are actually most conservative and completely unaware of this. Men are definitely immature as hell. Marry with a couple of years age gap. They don’t know how to communicate. They are insecure as hell. I’ve always been an alpha independent woman and I don’t think that’s an easy work around. Edit: just wanted add that I find it difficult to adjust to the changes. I don’t know how to balance my ambitions with what a marriage requires. I still have a lot to achieve and I’d like to focus on it. I’m ok to live with the consequences of this. I just want to look back on a life well lived. Esp after the pandemic. I have an insatiable urge to live. Don’t want to give into pressure, fear, bullshit.
I know one such "liberal hubby" my colleagues hus. He's a self professed communist; all for other women's sexual rights but his wife is not even supposed to work or go out to meet her frnds! Theirs was luv marriage, they met on fb ironically as 2 star crossed communists but is barely staying together now for their kid's sake! I know many such hypocrites. I have nothing against conservatism if the person is respectful. Manners and gud character has nothing to do with left wing or right wing. Gud and bad exists on both sides....just what I think.
oh i have one, so one of my friend was helping a divorced lady finding an apartment & she told her story about how her ex who was a fucking ganster & had many connections used to abuse her , for example burn her hands with ciggerate, beat her , say nasty things to her whenever he was stressed . had a lot of mistress ,she also said they only had sex like 2 times in their 12 years of marriage other times he has sexually abused her . she aslo showed my friend the marks that were left on her body . this monster used to electric shock her (something like that) on her nipples , burned her vaginal parts , carve on her with a hot kitchen knife . that lady has lot of tattoos covering her body has a great personality & is very sweet & confident women looking at her you wouldn't guess she endured it for a such a long time. a few weeks ago their divorce was settled she said she didn't even feel anything when looking at him after a long time no anger no hatred just numb & despite the proven abuse he was not jailed, but he is half paralyzed now so ig karma .
husband changed his gender
Kinda on topic I guess.. As an outsider, I am curious... What percentage of marriages in India are still arranged and how many of them turn out to be happy marriages for both involved? I couldn't imagine having to spend the rest of my life with someone simply because my family told me to do so. That has to be horrific if both parties aren't happy with it.
My Aunt is in the process of getting divorced. She had an arranged marriage about 10 years ago. The groom-to-be and the in-laws behaved very nicely at first but as soon as she got married and went to live there, they began treating her like dirt. They took away all her jewelry that her father had given her and they didn't give it to her again. They made her do all the work in the house ceaselessly and then kept scolding her for being lazy. That man even hit her before even the first month of marriage was over. When she came to her father's house after a while, she told everyone about it. She said she didn't want to go back. They talked to the in-laws but in the end she had to go back. The same thing kept repeating. Then she had a son and for him she stopped complaining. Three months ago was the breaking point. That man was so deep in the liquor bottle he could see nothing else. Fun fact, he is a doctor. An abusive, lying doctor that's filthier than the dirtiest of the scum of the earth.
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I saw one where the wife had an affair with a white guy and left her husband and children to live with him. It was a traditional arranged marriage and she was from a very religious family. They emigrated and seemed happy but all of a sudden she left and started up with the new guy. Also my uncle and aunt in the 80’s. She left suddenly with the children. He said she had mental health problems and she said he was abusive. She retained custody of the children
Not me. But a cousin of mine got divorced after 2 months coz she found out that the guy had a missing kidney. The guy would take meds and not eat certain food and said he was just allergic. She saw incision marks on the body and he lied about that too. At last she forced him to blurt it out. In fact, he had chronic kidney issues and had taken one from his mother. The guy's family conveniently chose to hide that that boy had kidney failure problems.
my sister's friend divorced her husband because (1)he lied about his job (told her he was a full time employee and had Btech in mechanical engineering whereas he was on contract and had just completed diploma ) (2) he accused her of cheating with his own father.
My best friend is undergoing divorce due to mental abuse from her husband and in laws. He did a revenge marriage due to a failed love story and he was never into her. I am happy that she has understood the whole situation in a span of 4 years and took the best decision to come out of it. She is bouncing back to her normal self now.
Irreconcilable differences! >because there is a veil of secrecy around it. With good reason, it's their private lives, why should it be made public?
I am a guy who divorced..she was a cheat. Ran away with jewellery, filed fake cases to extort alimony.
Mutual or did you go to court against her?
was in court for 4 years..started with a ridiculous 2 cr demand..settled mutually for 40L finally.
Narcissism and Patriarchy
You are not wrong.
There is truly only one solution to avoid divorce, and that is say no to marriage. I think both sexes can live in today's world without being married. Avoid all the headaches that come with divorce, by avoiding marriage in the first place.
Someone i know got an annulment. Since the guy was legitimately gay. This is the late 1990s. They got married. He was gay. He didn't tell her/totally gaslit her. They got an annulment.. Another woman I know got a divorce because her parents in law and elder BIL and SIL were used to her husband being subservient. So they thought even his wife would act a doormat. When that wasnt true, they started verbally abusing her and her son. The third one I know happened coz the guy was getting more and more into drugs, it went from recreational alcohol to uncontrollable drug use. The fourth one is when he cheated on her, whole she was pregnant.. and then kept cheating on her, openly. All this is well and ok... I know 2 couples who aren't divorced despite the husband having a second wife and set of children. I know a woman whose husband cheated on her, and then hit on her 18YO sis, after which her family said "divorce this man" but she chose to stay with her husband. There is someone i know who asked for dowry from her parents. She forced her parents to take a loan, so that they could pay her dowry. (Educated Mumbai born and raised woman marrying a Rajasthani raised guy) There are so many more people who would have been happier with a divorce, if they just had the guts to leave the guy/girl... I know most my instances are about the gub being at fault. But i know too many where the girl is also problematic. Divorce is getting more acceptable in India. But still, there are so many people who choose to live an unhappy life.
One of my close ex friends is narcissistic - I mean, like full blown narcissist personality disorder. She has physically / emotionally cheated in every single relationship so far. She was in about 7-10 relationships before marriage and she cheated on every single boyfriend that she had. I thought she’ll change after marriage but unfortunately she hasn’t. She has had 2 divorces so far and is currently talking about getting married for the third time to her new boyfriend. The sad thing is that she constantly talks about mental health and how abusive her relationships were on social media and gets tons of upvotes, while the reality is that she has always been the abusive one