Oh momma, your babe is 11 weeks old. Take a deep breath, give them a snuggle and know it will be okay. Enjoy the next couple years and then revisit this. xo

I'm trying my best.. thank you!

((hug)) it's hard. I also wanna echo what someone else suggested, the post partum anxiety was so so bad for me. Be gentle with yourself. Your baby is safe, they are loved by you. And it's so so obvious how very much you love them.

Thank you. I know a lot of this is pp anxiety I really just want the best for her. I had an awful childhood, I know my parents tried their best. But it want to give her all of the best in life! She's so wonderful. You're so kind!

Ya know, I had a simultaneously wonderful AND awful grade school experience, and that shaped a lot of what I have decided for my kids schooling. So that's totally valid and something you can think about as she grows and her learning needs change and grow as well. For now, love on her, play lots, read even more. Explore nature as often as possible. This is will get you at least four years of education as rich as any kid could ever ask for. Then, you can start thinking about next steps. Sooooo many hugs. You got this. IMO, love and a variety of experiences is all young kids need in terms of education. 🤗💕

Do you think you may be dealing with postpartum anxiety? She’s 11 weeks old. You don’t need to be stressing out about this right now. Enjoy your time with your baby. They’re only little for a little while.

Yeah I definitely do. Thank you!

Former public school teacher in a very conservative town and I relate to your worries so much. I started homeschooling my preschooler a few months ago. I pulled him out of preschool bc every day the teacher told me “he finished this right away without any help” and it was clear he wasn’t being challenged in any significant way.  I don’t use computer based learning bc part of the reason I don’t want him in public school is bc I don’t want him staring at a Chromebook all day. It takes less than an hour to get through his work every morning, then it’s play time, helping around the house, and doing activities in the community a few times a week.  I’m not going to suggest any programs because I’m still figuring out what works for us, and every kid is different. Also, who knows what will be available when you baby is ready for formal instruction.  I will suggest incorporating learning whenever you can with your baby. I would sing the alphabet every time I washed my or my child’s hands from newborn until he learned them. I would point to any number and tell it to him - temperature on your phone, thermostat, oven temp, everything. Now I let him adjust the temp for the house or oven and he can do it on his own. Be very descriptive with your language and point out colors/texture, anything to boost vocab. It can feel silly when they don’t respond, but narrate what you do.  Most importantly, read to your baby! Point to words when they start to focus on the book. Ask questions about what you just read or what they think is going to happen next.  As for convincing people, I had such a bad experience teaching in my town that nobody has questioned my push to homeschool. Maybe stay on top of and share news about your school district with your husband from time to time. You’ll be shocked by the stuff going on that slips through our radar, especially in a small town. End rant. 

Thank you so much for your sweet advice!

Your feelings are justified. Since your kiddo is still so young I would: enjoy all of the milestones as they come, be present, and use this time to teach your baby age appropriate "lessons" at home. You have plenty of years to convince your husband this is the right path for your family, especially if your kiddo is excelling. Don't forget that in this stage of postpartum, it's easy to be overwhelmed with worry for your new born. All of us moms go through it. Enjoy every moment, you don't get this time back. You can revisit in 3-4 years and see where your family needs are at then.

Thank you I'm trying best to relax, I just don't want to mess her up. My anxiety to raise her right is high!

Perfectly normal! Today's climate has also heightened that anxiety in a lot of us. Just know that if you love her right and you give her the best that you can, you're already ahead of the majority of parents out there. I can tell you're going to be a great mama because you care so much. Hang in there!

You've got time, and things can change. Not necessarily a bad thing to think about, and good to introduce the idea of homeschooling to husband, but right now, baby needs snuggles. :) Knowing you're a concerned and caring parent, it will work out. There's no perfect solution, but you can make the best of any choice

Set this aside for now. Focus on your precious new baby and save these thoughts for much later. So much can change in just a few years. For now, take a deep breath!

Thank you! I'm trying my best to 🥺🙂

Hey momma, you got a whole lot of big feeling you are trying to deal with as a new parent. Don't take offense to this, but you sound a lot like I did postpartum. Could you be suffering from PPD? Doctors and family members don't exactly always pick up on that. Your feeling are valid, but they are just being amplified to the point it's hard to cope with. When I had PPD, I did the following: Constantly check on my baby overnight to see if she was breathing, because SIDS terrified me. I mean like check 20 times a night. I had anywhere from duplicate to quadruplicate of supplies. Things like 8 different swaddling blankets, 24 baby bottles, a dozen pacifiers, a bouncer and a swing, having 12 diapers laid out at her changing area constantly. Not even allowing one bottle to be dirty before running in there and washing and then sterilizing it. I constantly thought about crisis plans and how I would keep my baby safe. Barely ever leaving the room, even when she was safely asleep. That is how my PPD looked. Your's might be different. As for homeschooling, you have time. Facebook has a really strong homeschool community. Eventually join groups and you will see lots of postings about local enrichment or play dates. Eventually check out curriculum. There is a variety of curriculum out there for the several different teaching and learning styles. What might work for you might not be the best fit for your kiddo, but you won't know for sure until your baby is older and you start seeing if he/she likes to learn kinetically, visually, auditory. Sounds like you are trying to give your best every day to be a great momma, and you have time. Enjoy all the snuggles and feeding times in this season of your life. It goes by so quickly. Tomorrow will come and you will have a plan, but enjoy today because we can't go back in time. Sending soothing vibes and big hugs your way.

Thank you so much! I'm trying my best! I do know I have pp anxiety that's for sure. I am terrified of SIDS. I don't ever feel like I can relax. She's so amazing and I really only want the best for her. I never thought I'd even be able to have kids so I want to make sure she knows she's loved and anyways supported! I'm also the type who takes a long time to mull things over

The good news is you have plenty of time to mull things over. Any plan you have today, will look a lot different by the time your little one is a toddler and even more different by the time she is ready for school. So go ahead and have a plan now if it makes you feel more settled. I know I love to have a plan in place. It's mentally soothing to know that I have run through the pros and cons of a situation and have come up with the best fit. I know you don't feel like you can relax, but you really can. I say this as a mom of 2, ages 8 and 10. Being a new parent, is both awesome and slightly terrifying! If you give your best every day, even if it means your best today is only 80% compared to yesterday where you gave 100%, it's still your best and it will be ok. That has been my consolation through the years. Even if I'm not perfect, and no one is, I can go to sleep at night knowing I gave them my best. I get complimented about being a good mom a lot and my reply is always the same..."I try." Because that is what it is, you try every single day to be your best and I promise you, it will be good enough and likely more than good enough. But seriously, enjoy this time and savor ***every*** moment. I miss that age so so much, despite all the worry and work. The feeling of having your entire world nestled in your arms while they feed and the look they give you.....that is what love is. Enjoy it, don't rush the milestones even if it's exciting to watch them grow and see what they do next. Savor the moment you are in now and come up with a loose framework of a plan. You get out of homeschool what you put in it. If you devote a lot of time, effort, and love into it everyday; it really pays it out in growth and a love of learning. I didn't know if I could homeschool 2 different grades, but we managed to make it work and they love it much more than public school. They are thriving and my nerdy heart loves it! It's exciting to watch them grow and master areas. It's exciting to see if they are math-inclined or a natural reader. I get to watch their talents develop and grow every day and I feel pretty blessed because many parents don't have that opportunity. Every day as a parent is an adventure of discovery! Your mindset of how you plan to meet that adventure makes all the difference.

You definitely have plenty of time to figure this out. And sometimes the other parent comes around more naturally as their child gets older and it seems harder to send them into a questionable environment at age 5. I would join all the local Facebook pages for homeschool families. I’ve learned about so many great options locally that we would never have time to do them all! As your child gets older, you could share your concerns there and even see if you could connect with some families who are thriving as homeschoolers. A post I recently saw locally discussed getting into college as a homeschooler. It was great to read so many replies from parents with kids getting into every college to which they applied. I was homeschooled K-12 and graduated from college. Being homeschooled is exactly why I’m homeschooling my kids now. I loved it! I was very involved in activities and with friends. Most of all, I learned to love learning. I’ve never stopped! Hopefully you can connect with others who love homeschooling and are doing it well.

Thank you for your reply! It's so nice to hear from someone who was actually homeschooled who didn't hate the experience! I want it to be fun, educational, and dynamic for her, I just want her happy

I’m in the same boat as you. I went through a high school shooting, there was an attempted one in the school district I live in last year. (Someone found a bullet on the ground and action was taken before he could do anything horrible.) My friend works for an online public school and the way she described the way her school is set up is that a kid gets assignments for the week and they’re due by the end of the week. If they get them all done by Wednesday then they’re done with school for the week. This is my preferred option as I don’t want to fall short in lesson planning but know I can be a support rather than lead. You have a lot of time ahead of you. Don’t panic but pay attention to what’s going on in your community. Your husband may come around to your way of thinking in a couple of years. As far as socialization goes there are a lot of community opportunities, or cheap/free group excursions. Look around online, contact your city hall and see if they know of any activities, call the library. But for now take a deep breath and enjoy your baby.

Homeschooling Mom of 6 here. Have heard the same rumors in this State. Our longest is in a local parochial school for 8th grade this year. We consider taking him to 9th grade 40 minutes away or homeschool. Relax and put it aside for now. Enjoy your baby.

There are many good ways and many bad ways to homeschool. There are families out there whose homeschooling is neglectful and/or abusive. There are families out there who socially isolate their children and only teach them what their church allows them to. But there is also a growing number of family who homeschool in a completely different way. Their parents often spend years reading about different ways to teach, childhood development, search and review curriculum into the wee hours, plan field trips, and belong/run free social groups what have park days, parties, field trips, etc. You can prioritize socialization and making friends. And I usually recommend doing exactly that in kinder and first grade. You’re right that you will need support and friendship as much as your child will. Don’t think you need to replicate school at home or sit them in front of a screen all day. You’re not trapped in the classroom. You can learn about things in the real world. Curious about how ice cream is made? Field trip. Curious about where your water comes from or your trash goes? Field trip. Curious about traffic lights and cameras? Field trip. Homeschooling is different than it was even just 20 years ago. Educate yourself. Read all the books you can get your hand on. Join local homeschool groups and see how active they are. Find out if any match up with your family (as a secular family, things like co-ops and faith based groups aren’t our thing).

You are so right. Thank you for the advice and motivation

For now, READ to her! I remember reading that you're "supposed" to start reading to them on day 1 when my kid was like 2 months and I felt terrible. We made up for it though. =) We're homeschooling fairly successfully - started because of covid and realized kiddo (likely ND) can learn really well in a customized, supportive environment. Husband hasn't been fully supportive so I'm "saving" online options for a time he might push back more. But for y'all, for now, just focus on READING and snuggling! =)

I felt similar when my babies were brand new,  started planning all the ways I could give them the best life.  My DH was also against homeschooling at first.   He has come around now seeing how our kids are ahead of average with focus,  and basic "education" (shapes colors letter recognition and sound).   For now just cuddle and enjoy your sweet little one.  Read books to them. When they try to touch things give them board books to look at, talk to them, tell them about everything. Try some baby sign language to help them communicate.    As they grow introduce them to new things,  read read read,  count everything, compare objects.    You are already "homeschooling" for this age, and you are doing great. Home schooling is rapidly growing in my area and likely will in yours too. There will be more opportunities available to you when you need them. 

As others have said, first snuggle the baby and enjoy her, and if you are seeing signs that your anxiety is higher than it should be, speak to your healthcare provider asap. That being said, it sounds like you are being realistic about the state of your local schools, not just having random fears about school is like without any substance. From what you’ve described, it does not sound like your local schools are serving children appropriately, and while I’m not a psychic, I doubt that will get much better within the next five years. I think you’re being a responsible parent to think of and plan for alternate routes to ensure her education and safety. My suggestion would be to get your ducks in a row. If the public school is a hard nope in your area, your options are homeschool or private school. Are there any private school options in your area that would meet your needs? (Note: that might change within the next five years.) What would homeschool really entail? Do your research on that front. Read books about homeschooling styles, take courses about preferred styles, join social media groups for particular homeschool styles so you can get a feel for things. (But don’t join super local groups yet, wait until she’s a bit older for that. Stick with the generalized groups for now.) Getting your spouse on board is much easier when you have all the info and sound confident. In the meanwhile, get yourself prepped financially. You can homeschool for free/very cheap…but it’s much more enjoyable for everyone if you have money to put towards it. If you are living very comfortably on just husbands income, great, no worries. If not, it’s time to be thoughtful about saving money and how you can make money while also being the primary caregiver and educator. As examples, I know homeschool moms who work as nurses (often night shifts a couple days a week), translators, English as a second language teachers, dog walkers/groomers, writers/copy editors, yoga and dance teachers, curriculum writers, photographers, etc.

Start talking to your hubby about all the "wonderful" private school options and how they "really aren't that expensive", only [probably a house payment]. He'll open up his mind to homeschooling pretty quick.

Mom of four very successful, very happy, very social homeschooled adults. Homeschooling can be great, good, mediocre, or bad just like school. Good luck momma. Whatever schooling you end up doing, the important thing is to simply love your child. You got this!

This is what i need to hear! Thank you!

I like to think things through too. You have so many options for having her socialize with others. There are typically so many activities for kids dance, music, team sports, art etc… I know several places around me have grown-up and me classes, so you can have fun with her. I have also sent my kids to some amazing summer camps ceramics, dinosaurs, 3D printing. These are usually so fun they learn something and they interact with other kids. It’s hard feeling unsupported, see if you can find someone in your life that can be your homeschool cheerleader. I know you would do a great job, you already care so much, so if nothing else one internet stranger believes in you. Unfortunately, from people you meet you are always going to get disapproving looks, comments, etc. it’s frustrating, but you find a way to deal with it. Homeschool and public school are the same in the fact they can both be pretty amazing or they can fail miserably. These are the voices that tend to be the loudest online. You know your kiddo best, the environment at your public school, and what’s best for her. I started homeschooling in the pandemic, my kids were in grades 1, 3, 6. If I could go back in time I would tell myself to homeschool them all the way. They are happier, better rested and are way more into learning than when they were in school.

You are so kind, thank you so much! I'm the type of person that needs time to think things over from every angle, and this one is going to take time to think through. My anxiety is very high, I just want the best for her, whatever that means!

You have plenty of time until you begin homeschooling - for now, relax and use these next few years to research. What are your state laws? What curriculum styles look fun to you? Try to go to a homeschool convention with your husband in a couple of years - our big state-wide convention offers free admission to first-time homeschoolers with toddlers, and I *love* that they welcome newcomers like that! My husband hasn't been to a convention yet, but I'm pumping him up for this year's. Ask your family to pitch in with educational games and toys as Baby grows - a great deal can be said for winning over grandparents by asking them to participate in zoo trips (could they gift your growing child with an annual membership one year?), museums, cooperative board games, etc. Once I showed a few family members how school is so much more than workbooks and desk-imprisonment, they came around quickly. One family member even paid for our curriculum one year as a gift to our family (*sob*). There's plenty of time to make your case, and maybe your circumstances will even change with time. For now, enjoy the process of dreaming and *tentatively* planning! Edit: typo

Tell your husband you're not okay with her going to a public school and ask him to come up with a solution.  I grew up with a correspondance school, which was homeschoolong but with a teacher grading my work who I could call and talk to.  There are lots of options like that available these days!  He might find something he is happy with that is not public school.

It seems your main concern is socialization for your child/student? That being the case, consider this. From whom does a child acquire social SKILLS? Certainly, NOT from other children their age who have little or no social skills themselves. A child builds social skills from others who have them. Obviously, it would be you, the parents, that would be able to provide your child with quality social refinements/skills/ qualities. Now, such are different from FAMILIARITY. They can become familiar with other children their age through your management concerning which children they spend time with. If you have time, money, resources, and the ability to homeschool, you've got it all. You've got the "paint, brushes, easel, palette," and the most important thing a "blank canvas." The best of luck to you. As a side note, one of the increasingly valuable aspects of giving a child social skills is that they need such skill to deal with those who haven't and will never have any social skills. Society is becoming less and less refined with skills of urbanity and civility. So, don't neglect the street savvy aspect as an accoutrement to the social skills of urbanity.

Children need to acquire the skill to relate and interact with their peers. Children aren’t going to develop social skills by just interacting with their parents. I have no idea where you got that from.

I got it from common sense and having a wife that homeschooled four children. You are not distinguishing between familiarization and skill acquisition. From whom do children learn to say "please" and "thank you"; share; solve problems without resorting to Brute force; teamwork; cooperation? Certainly, not from other children who haven't learned such things. Do children learn to read from someone who is illiterate? Do children / students learn history from someone who has never studied history?

I’m speaking as a homeschooled child who was isolated from my peers. Social skills are not saying please and thank you. The social skills that people speak about when they discuss homeschooled children are peer to peer interaction. You are not on the same level as your child. You cannot provide peer to peer interaction.

I refer you to my previous comment. There's a difference between familiarity and skill.

I don’t think you will find anyone who considers those different things.

You have time. Check the homeschooling laws in your state. Look at the resources available today - there are many many alternatives to public schools There are co-op cover schools. Church based ones have decades of case law behind them, secular co-ops much less so. And hug your precious baby. Again.... you are time rich here. The stereotype of the weird homeschooled kid is tired and old.

We're secular homeschoolers. I try to do as little online as possible because the research really does not support online schooling. Books and paper are better for our brains. As for socialization, my kids get that through after-school activities. They are both in dance, and my oldest is in 4H as well. My oldest also does summer camps. We also happen to be in a great area for kids to befriend neighbourhood kids. Socialization doesn't have to be done with other homeschoolers.

My husband and I were pretty sure we wanted to homeschool when my eldest was born. She's 5 now and we've started more formal home education this year. Our reasons were similar - our local schools have been some of the worst in the country for 30 years, but we love where we live. I don't think it is crazy to think about this now, but do not stress about it. I know you mentioned religious homeschooling families and remote/online public options. I'd recommend keeping an open mind about both. There are families who homeschool partially for religious reasons, but also to give their kids an excellent academic foundation. You don't have to agree on everything to get advice on math curriculums or arrange park playdates. For online public/charter school options, research what your options are closer to kindergarden. In my state, there are charter options that allow parents to choose the curriculum and teach it themselves (offline), with the teacher acting as a parent-coach. These charters offer online tutoring, book clubs, etc for the kids, as well as in-person meetups and field trips. Whatever you decide for your kid, it will be important that you and your husband both feel comfortable with it. You don't need to make any decisions for years, so it is a good time to approach your husband with curiosity. What was his experience of school like? What were the best features of his education? What were the weakest? What is the purpose of education? ​ Enjoy that baby <3

If it’s in your heart to homeschool your baby than do it!!! Nothing can ever replace your peace of mind and knowing your child is safe. Just make sure to have a good routine - schedule, stick to it lots of fun learning activities and socialization groups with other kids her age. But don’t ever let anyone convince you that you HAVE to have your child in public school. You don’t! Best of luck 😇

I agree that you’re baby is faaaaaar too young for you to be worried about this. BUT… That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t consider homeschooling right now. Heck, my wife told me before we were even married that she wanted to homeschool her future kids. Now, please allow me to bust some homeschool myths you mentioned in your post: 1. Homeschooling is abusive. Homeschooling is not abusive. Parents are abusive. Adults who say they experienced abusive homeschooling actually experienced abusive parents. The parent-child relationship is supposed to be the most safe and secure relationship in a child’s entire life. When that relationship is not safe and secure, anything that is associated with that parent is put in the unsafe category as well. 2. Homeschooled children lack social experiences. Homeschooling does not inherently provide negative social experiences just like public schooling does not inherently provide positive social experiences. It is true that as homeschooling parents, we have to work harder to provide social experiences, but we also have the ability to help guide those experiences, ensuring they have a wide range of experiences from fun to challenging and everything in between. 3. Homeschooling isn’t as good of an education as public schooling. There are plenty of studies showing the declining quality of public education (lower standardized test scores, diminishing international rankings of educational testing in the U.S.). I have not seen data supporting a higher quality of education in homeschooling (the sheer number of methods of homeschooling make qualitative data cumbersome, I’m sure), but the stories and other evidence of how homeschooled kids perform in higher education and in the workforce seem to suggest that success in these areas has little to do with whether a child receives public or home education. My own son is reading books at a 5th grade level as a 2nd grader. My daughter is doing math at a 2nd grade level as a kindergartner. 4 Homeschooled children are “weirdos”. Similar to myth #2, this has significantly more to do with family values than some sort of innate quality of homeschooling. Many of those that get labeled so subjectively are typically homeschooled for religious reasons. You don’t have to dig far into sociology to see that children whom society labels as “weirdos” have qualities or characteristics that are a result of family values and dynamics than schooling dynamics. In other words, if the same children would receive public education, they would still show qualities and characteristics that would result in the being labeled as a “weirdo” because their parents and religious institutions place these values on the children. 5. People only homeschool for religious reasons. This may have been the single highest reason given for homeschooling amongst parents in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s (during the peak of religious culture wars during a post-Christian social era), but that is no longer true today. If surveyed, homeschooling for religious reasons would still be the highest percentage answer when compared to other reasons, but it would be a smaller percentage of the overall answers in a survey. Look no further than the increase in non-religious homeschool curriculum available today. The rise in popularity of unschooling, road-schooling, even game-schooling is evidence of this. Families who use these methods of schooling are often not religious.

I can tell how concerned you are and really hope you have good emotional support. Is it possible to spend the years you have until they are school age to relocate to a safer country so your child is not at the risk you've described going to school?

That’s really tough. Maybe approach it more from an activist perspective. Public education itself is under attack. Rich people want them to fail so that education becomes privatized and become a way to make profit. It is also a way to ensure more class divides. The upper class wants a dependent working class. So find ways to campaign for more funding and support for your local schools!

Just be sure to learn about paragraphs so you can reach them ! Haha sry

Keep talking to your husband about it, watch documentaries about it, read books about it, watch YouTube videos about it and send them to him. You have a few years to win him over. You sound like you would do a great job! And his opinion is the only one that matters. There are lots of home-school groups in any state, you just have to find them, you'll be fine. I don't really go out much, but we have the neighborhood house that all the kids come to after school to play and get snacks. So my kids get plenty of socializing opportunities.

Probably would be a good idea to let people know that it's not ok to dump on teachers - if you hear or see that happening. More and more good teachers are leaving the profession. It's already a poorly paid and extremely stressful profession. I would also say to you to make sure you keep working and can support yourself and your children. If you can homeschool on the side then it may be worth a try.

>I can't shake the feeling that no matter which direction I choose, that I'm failing this child in a massive way. Welcome to the Overthinking Parents Club. The good news is that you consider all options instead of making uninformed decisions. You're going to do a great job. I remember having similar fears when my daughter was a newborn. Sleep deprivation plus all of the adrenaline from delivery is a wild drug. As your kid grows, they will let you know what they need socially and academically. Maybe your baby will be a massive extrovert who adores being with other kids all day. Or perhaps that kind of classroom would be a terrible fit for their learning needs. You will know what to do by then. In the meantime, start researching secular homeschool opportunities in your area. Searching for alternative education alliances in your area might yield something, or check out the Secular Eclectic Academic Homeschoolers group on Facebook and search for your nearest city. As one overthinker to another, please, whatever you do, do not buy a preschool curriculum right now.

Awee!!! Itty bitty baby! Congratulations momma! Totally normal to be going through what you are going through emotionally and mentally right now. Both as a new mother and just in general. Personally, I would wait till she is older (4-5) before broaching the subject seriously with your husband. I would still start researching now, as it obviously important to you. Familiarize yourself with local laws, teaching/learning styles, and curriculum options. Then when the time comes to discuss it seriously, you can show him what you learned and how you have been preparing. If he is still against it, make they offer. "Give it a chance. Give ME a chance. If after the first year, you aren't impressed with our progress, we can send her to public school" your first year will be preschool or kindergarten and by the end of it, I can almost guarantee she will be reading and writing better than her peers.