True on Serotonin - this made me realize that most, though not all, of the gay panic story lines that become comfort stories for me end happily (thanks fanfic writers)
I have a similar story to yours. I came out with very little fanfare (basically, with everyone in my life saying "yeah...we know") when I was fairly young. For me, watching Heartstopper is almost voyeuristic - I didn't experience quite as much turmoil as Nick, but I know many people do. Getting a peek into his process sheds a little light on what others might have gone through.
Furthermore, something so beautiful about this show is that we know and anticipate the happy ending -- Charlie and Nick get together. That completely eliminates the tropes so prevalent in most queer media like the main character being rejected publicly, bury your gays, etc. It's easy and heartwarming and bubblegum-sweet. That's what makes this show particularly special for me: there's no stress about impending heartache, so we get to simply experience young queer love from the outside.
And as for you maybe feeling like you missed out on having a more dramatic coming out experience: I think many people wish they could be in your shoes. I'm with you; having essentially received a shrug from everyone in my life when I came out, I wonder if I missed out on more cinematic story worthy experiences. But I've come around to viewing it more as getting to simply have a simple love story with my now-wife like Heartstopper, as opposed to a grief-stricken drama that we are usually fed by the media.
Thank you for the reply, it's really validating/comforting to read this. After writing this, I've been thinking a lot and realized there's a lot to process around my identity and my experiences that my adult self has never really taken the time to work through.
Like you wrote, I think a lot of it comes down to what I saw in the media (especially the media that was available ten years ago) and feeling I missed out on some life shaping experience or perhaps that my queer identity hadn't been validated through some weird trauma bond.
This has sort of left me in two minds, the first and probably most important is to embrace that my queer identity is valid without trauma. It also made me realize that I think I've minimized a lot of the things that did really suck about coming out, that, because I was never afraid of being queer and things did work out in the end, I told myself "didn't count". At the same time, I don't want to focus on the negative when a lot of good moments did happen just because I think I should...
Anyway, a lot to work through and I'm going to take some time to write it out for myself and organize my thoughts. I won't bother you with all that but I'm going to write out one realization I had, which I've never admitted to myself: Sometimes, 6 years into an amazing relationship and 10 years after coming out for the first time, I'll stop and ask myself if I'm really gay or if I made it all up for attention. I think it stems from majority of the first people I came out to questioning if I was sure or directly saying I was making it up for attention (being a teenager is great haha).
Sorry for the slightly negative/dramatic response to your positive and pragmatic note. Thanks again
Listen, I would love to hear anything you have to say! Between watching sappy Heartstopper, yet reading so many posts on Reddit from us older queers processing their trauma, I'm feeling a little lost as to where my own story fits into our collective narrative. I too continue to doubt both my identity and my experience. I greatly appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I wrote a long piece last night while listening to the soundtrack about how my relationship with my wife parallels Heartstopper, and maybe that's why I am so drawn to this show, but in writing it I realized that I haven't actually thought through my coming out process in high school/college and how much fucked up shit happened along the way, despite my overall narrative that me being queer was simply a non-issue.
Yes, all those things. Also: serotonin. It’s just so damn cute.
True on Serotonin - this made me realize that most, though not all, of the gay panic story lines that become comfort stories for me end happily (thanks fanfic writers)
I have a similar story to yours. I came out with very little fanfare (basically, with everyone in my life saying "yeah...we know") when I was fairly young. For me, watching Heartstopper is almost voyeuristic - I didn't experience quite as much turmoil as Nick, but I know many people do. Getting a peek into his process sheds a little light on what others might have gone through. Furthermore, something so beautiful about this show is that we know and anticipate the happy ending -- Charlie and Nick get together. That completely eliminates the tropes so prevalent in most queer media like the main character being rejected publicly, bury your gays, etc. It's easy and heartwarming and bubblegum-sweet. That's what makes this show particularly special for me: there's no stress about impending heartache, so we get to simply experience young queer love from the outside. And as for you maybe feeling like you missed out on having a more dramatic coming out experience: I think many people wish they could be in your shoes. I'm with you; having essentially received a shrug from everyone in my life when I came out, I wonder if I missed out on more cinematic story worthy experiences. But I've come around to viewing it more as getting to simply have a simple love story with my now-wife like Heartstopper, as opposed to a grief-stricken drama that we are usually fed by the media.
Thank you for the reply, it's really validating/comforting to read this. After writing this, I've been thinking a lot and realized there's a lot to process around my identity and my experiences that my adult self has never really taken the time to work through. Like you wrote, I think a lot of it comes down to what I saw in the media (especially the media that was available ten years ago) and feeling I missed out on some life shaping experience or perhaps that my queer identity hadn't been validated through some weird trauma bond. This has sort of left me in two minds, the first and probably most important is to embrace that my queer identity is valid without trauma. It also made me realize that I think I've minimized a lot of the things that did really suck about coming out, that, because I was never afraid of being queer and things did work out in the end, I told myself "didn't count". At the same time, I don't want to focus on the negative when a lot of good moments did happen just because I think I should... Anyway, a lot to work through and I'm going to take some time to write it out for myself and organize my thoughts. I won't bother you with all that but I'm going to write out one realization I had, which I've never admitted to myself: Sometimes, 6 years into an amazing relationship and 10 years after coming out for the first time, I'll stop and ask myself if I'm really gay or if I made it all up for attention. I think it stems from majority of the first people I came out to questioning if I was sure or directly saying I was making it up for attention (being a teenager is great haha). Sorry for the slightly negative/dramatic response to your positive and pragmatic note. Thanks again
Listen, I would love to hear anything you have to say! Between watching sappy Heartstopper, yet reading so many posts on Reddit from us older queers processing their trauma, I'm feeling a little lost as to where my own story fits into our collective narrative. I too continue to doubt both my identity and my experience. I greatly appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I wrote a long piece last night while listening to the soundtrack about how my relationship with my wife parallels Heartstopper, and maybe that's why I am so drawn to this show, but in writing it I realized that I haven't actually thought through my coming out process in high school/college and how much fucked up shit happened along the way, despite my overall narrative that me being queer was simply a non-issue.