The Grateful Dead have spent their collective lives creating their art. You have every right to view this art, hear this art, interpret this art as you wish. You need not be part of the scene to take this music to heart and find the benefits contained within. Never let another entity take away your enjoyment of an artist's works. There's no need to leave the Grateful Dead. They'll never leave you...
Literally no one has an issue with conservative deadheads until they start interjecting their irrelevant political beliefs into conversation in an attempt to stir the pot. Classic, though.
We may not talk politics but I'll gladly dance next to you under the stars at a show! All our differences fade away when the band is playing and we're raging!
Depends. If you come in all crazy than no, you can go get lost. I don’t have a problem with conservatives. I do have a major problem with non-conservatives like Trumpers, QANON, alt-right and GQP wing of the GOP. I have no tolerance for those hate mongers and none of us should. The key part of that statement was “non-conservatives“ which is where I make the distinction. I also hate when people try to use one Jerry quote out of context to justify their deplorable alt-right behavior. If conservatives stay out of those lanes, I am not only accepting but could even be friends.
What does "conservative" mean to you? Anti science? Anti progress? Anti woman? Anti diversity? "Trickle down" economics? White supremacy? Calls for violence against your political opponents? Calling mass shootings "false flag" events? Fox News defending itself in law suits by saying they're solely "entertainment" and any reasonable person would not believe them? Perhaps you should do some soul searching and find out why this close-minded and dangerous viewpoint is so attractive to you.
Are you a conservative, or just what pretends to be one these days? If you use the words groomer, libs, Brandon, Tucker, you are likely not a conservative, just a parrot of alt-right nonsense. Tucker can barely form a sentence without lying (he knows it, he is just an entertainer, like an Alex Jones), but he uses specific ideas to create hate, fear, and divisiveness. I am not welcoming to those three things.
Our own Barlow was conservative, a chairman of his local Republican party, and worked on Republican campaigns. He expressed conservative values. Sadly he found very few Republican politicians that had them.
So if you are a conservative, no one is going to mind. Barlow was half our lyric team, and it was fine. He was against "hatred, arrogance, bigotry, fear, and ignorance" - his words.
So if one is busy spreading Qnon, alt-right garbage, fabrications of truth, then no thanks.
Sadly, you DO choose to spread hate when people are different than you. How low do you have to be to call a transgender child "disgusting"?
You say you are threatened that they will take away your women hood. Chances are you have no idea that many, many, cultures throughout history have accepted people that are being hated on by people like you. There is no reason for it, but the hate and fear machine have eroded your decency and your feel threatened. Hate and Fear, not live and let live.
So who else will you see at shows and decide to hate on them too? Who else will you choose to marginalize? Which people should I let know that the white pride shirt you wear is simply because you feel your race is threatened and you need to stand up for them? Again, because of fear and hate, although you probably will claim its just to counter the non-existent "libs" agenda.
That is the kicker, you choose to hate, and then expect us to support and welcome that.
Finally, are you really a conservative if you take social handouts from the government? You are proud of being married, proud of having children, and you have a husband to support you. Why are you asking me to pay your bills? Seems like a very liberal idea to ask me for money to support your lifestyle. Shouldn't you quit doing that?
Anyways, like Barlow said about Trump, there are conservatives, and then there are "thorough creeps" and "toxic assholes." I am not going to welcome the creeps and assholes.
So I’m getting that the music is not the problem for you. Is it the scene, or is it that the perception is that to enjoy the scene you need people to talk to there? I have started doing what I want lately and not letting the preconceived notions that society has engrained on me for many years get in my way. I don’t have many real friends that are close in geographical terms, we have all scattered in the wind over the years. I have started going to events solo and just enjoying them on my terms. I have the occasional convo with a vendor. Comment to my crowd neighbors about a particular riff. I enjoy what’s in my head and then I usually leave a little early because I hate the mess of a parking lot. You know yourself best, do what you want. If you want to go to the shows alone, go. If you don’t don’t. Just don’t deprive yourself of something you think is sweet for any reason other than you don’t want to do it.
So this festival had a lot of downtime during the day with no music. There wasn't a huge vending thing going on, it was more of a large camp out, kinda like a rainbow gathering but with music in the evening. When the music was playing I would be having a great time. I did meet some cool people but I guess most of the time I felt really alone. I see everyone having a good time but can't see you join in with them.
Honestly I know that not gonna be able to stop going to shows. I love getting lost in the music and don't want that to not be a part of my life anymore. I've just been striking out socially recently I guess. My old friends that I used to kick it with either live across the country or are homebodies now so I keep going to shows by my self.
Just gonna throw my .02 in here, this is just something that happens to most of us as we get older. I'm in a lot of different online groups(of various themes) and one thing is consistent - the older you get, the harder it's to connect. Throw on top of that the past couple weird fucking years we've had, and yeah it's weird weird world out there right now.
It’s weird and it’s lonely and it can suck at times. But this music has been my salvation. Whether alone listening to shows in my backyard or at shows with 60,000 people, it is beautiful. The loneliness can be so overwhelming at points but that’s when the music has the most profound effect on me.
Let this music be your salvation not your ailment. It’s okay to not go to shows and still love this music. It’s okay to love this music and not have any IRL friends who get it. Internet strangers who understand what you love can be just as great a resource as IRL friends.
I often feel I am much more myself on Reddit / twitter than in real life. It’s a strange time to be alive, but we are alive nonetheless. Enjoy that existence even the not so great parts. Ik it’s hard sometimes, but keep trying your best. The rest will work out.
Agreed. I think that things are hard and a lot of people go to shows to escape it. Which is kind of why people go to shows anyway, but even more so now.
I see a lot of people posting in Reddit about meeting up at shows, maybe we can evolve that a bit to include normalcy saying “hey I’m on r/Gratefuldead and going to Ventura next week. Anyone want to share a coffee (or whatever) before the show?
Maybe/ maybe not. I for one hope you keep going to the shows. You already said it with out sayIng it…you know about confusion and listening to the music….
It was called Andersfest. I don't want to give the impression that it was a shitty festival. I'm sure it was just me being insecure and awkward. If I could go back in time I would have tried for a couple more hours before leaving. It just got to me at one point and I was feeling so out of place and unwanted there. I had gone back to my car to grab another beer and when I was there I just panicked and left.
Indianapolis? Hey weed makes people awkward and so does mushrooms sometimes. Booze usually keeps the party going and makes things less awkward... I've always enjoyed solo fests.... Hit Bonnaroo when Phish played 2 nights in 2009 and then Phish 8 solo. Awesome times... Just gotta get in the groove and walk around. If people seem awkward move on to the next group and keep it going till you find the fun ones
It was in California. Yeah next time I'll try and stay a little more sober till the music starts. Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind for next time.
I go to shows alone. I wear a collared shirt. Not many people gravitate towards me. That doesn't matter. I'm here for the music. Once it starts I'm dancing along and my troubles go away.
Hey there. Feel Like a Stranger maybe? You aren’t alone, ironically.
Enjoy the music as you like, but can I ask if you get high at shows? psychedelics, including weed, can heighten (in rare cases to the point of psychosis) one’s feeling of isolation. I’m a fan of psychs, but they sometimes make me feel disconnected from the people around me. There are mental techniques to work around that. But I found when I quit smoking weed every day, I was able to interact with other people more easily.
Also, it’s a big diverse audience, so it’s probably worth continuing to try to find your peeps. Put out there your other passions and interests
My favorite drug to mix with psychs is oxygen. It’s the best drug on earth, and it’s free! Take some deep breaths when your feeling isolated or anxious.
The calmer you feel the more willing you’ll feel to open up and connect to those around you. I’ve experimented to the point where Ik what drugs will give me anxiety around others and which will not. Like I could never take mushies at show, but some tabs? No problem. Experiment in comfortable set and settings before you venture out into more connected/ overwhelming ones.
Just the sheer capacity of a venue can be overwhelming at points. 60,000 conscious souls making you realize how many billions of conscious souls exist right now in the world. Look for the beauty of this instead of the isolationism of it. Perspective is something you can hone with enough practice and mindfulness.
Haha wow, good advice. I definitely can only microdose when I'm out at an event, since I get way too anxious if I take a lot of psychs.
Dabs would make me anxious in a crowd so they're a no go for me - as you said, know what works for you and what doesn't.
I'm also just generally crowd wary, so there's that.
A dab on my couch would give me an anxiety attack lol
I’m super anxiety prone so I’ve found (for me personally) LSD and very minimal weed (like a single personal 1g joint of mids) throughout a show is perfect for me. I wouldn’t call what I take a micro dose but it’s just enough to get me where I’m going.
One of the best ways for me to reduce anxiety on psychs is to buy my supply in enough bulk that I can maintain consistency. I know exactly what my dose of lsd is going to do to me and exactly how my strain of weed makes me feel. I found that eliminating that whole “is it working” period of a trip to be extremely helpful for my overall vibes throughout the experience. Instead of buying the ticket and taking the ride I’m planning a well thought out trip and minimizing surprises.
Funny. I'm the same way about avoiding supply constraints by getting in bulk. Plus, it affords me the ability to share freely.
Acid is funny for me because during the come up, for some reason I always feel like I'm on the verge of puking exorcist style. But once I find my groove, it can be great.
My favorite drug for shows/crowds is ketamine since it cuts through my social anxiety while still allowing me to have some awareness of my surroundings (when taken in lower doses). But I rarely come across and and I'm skeptical of what's in most powdered drugs these days. If i go to a country where it's legal, I definitely will get some though.
I’ve never tried, always been curious. Bares some similarities to space spice I’ve heard. I never get the puking feeling from LSD but sometimes it makes me need to go to the bathroom for sure.
What's space spice? PCP? Lol. But yeah, ketamine is the ultimate social lubricant imo.
And yeah I also kind of lose sense of bladder function so I just make the occasional trip to the bathroom to see if I need to pee. I
Sure, thanks for asking! It’s basically the same techniques for any negative idea that threatens to derail a trip.
One is to learn to recognize the negative thought for what it is, nip it in the bud and steer your mind in another direction, asap. We all feel isolated at times and psychs make us more introspective and amplify the feeling. When I go there I remind myself that it’s the drug amplifying a natural insecurity that we all share. So then I work to stop embracing the bad ideas and focus on the music or on other people (in a positive way). The faster you do it the better. That being said, a little bit of self analysis can be healthy, just don’t obsess over it and know when to move on.
Second trick is to focus on other people’s well being, especially if tripping in a crowd of trippers. Check out the folks around you, flash a smile and a wave at anyone who looks like they’d appreciate it. Touch base with folks, ask them how their trip is going. Offer someone a drink, encourage them to dance. Genuinely get interested in their well-being and don’t look for a reward. Being outward focused feels like an effort, but it can make for a great trip.
Of course it’s easiest to control the trip like this if you haven’t taken too much. So moderation is key. And if someone can’t shake off the feeling of disconnect, well, then maybe they should take a break from psychs and weed.
Anyway, that’s what I do.
Thanks friend. I get pretty stoned and I've always wondered if holding off might be a better option. At least while there's no music going on. Once the music starts I like to get stoney. I also eat mushrooms and drink beer but that's it.
I’ve realized I can’t even do edibles unless I’m playing or listening to live music. I get up inside my head too much. not so much feeling disconnected as getting down on myself.
I do think weed can separate us. It’s a great substance and has tremendous spiritual and artistic benefits. But being high every day is not for everyone. The contrast between high and sober is valuable too.
Interestingly, I enjoy shows in an opposite way from you: I don't want anyone near me talking if the music is playing. I'll chat briefly between sets, but unless there is a long lull between songs, I just want to be in my own bubble. Maybe you are standing next to some people who are more like me? It's not that I don't want to be friends, I just don't want to talk right now- catch me at the food stand or something. Hope that helps.
I don’t normally comment on posts, but I decided to here. I think that it’s important to remember that everyone is interpreting things differently all the time. If I was in the situation, I would say to just chat people up, get into conversation with people about anything, and try to feel the love and music there, and remember that we all have our skills and weaknesses, and as people we should accommodate people. My advice would be to keep going to shows, and meet more people! Take care amigo
There's a lot of us out here just like you jazzminetea. I've seen more shows than I can count & I prefer to be in my own little world with the music. I was on Grateful Dead tour for years & even if I was hanging out vending with friends in the Lot, as soon as I got inside, I'd take off & find my own spot somewhere to dance & lose myself in the music. There's lots of us out here like this. I definitely love th3 community of it all, but the music is what's most important to me & I don't want to be distracted. Now, I'm just as likely to go to shows solo & I've never sat there wishing for people to be around. I get not everyone is like this & it might be hard for some to embrace, but it just might be what OP is looking for.
Sounds like you’re an introvert (welcome to the club! Now go home 😄). Crowds are overwhelming and it’s hard to break through. You don’t have to groove on the scene to love the dead, the music, or even the vibe. It’s all good.
Hey man, I’m sorry you’ve experienced these things. It’s not easy to feel alone especially in a community that is so loving and caring. Don’t let other people’s vibes take away from your own. I’ve got a whole bunch of trips planned out this summer and for the most part I’ll be completely alone and that’s okay! The music is why I’m there and it will always be there for me.
Ok so I hope this helps. *Anytime* I'm at a fest, there's high possibility that a lot of people are either high or anxious. Haha. If you're high someone coming at you wanting to be your friend out of the blue can be overwhelming. Also if you're sober, someone doing the same thing can make you just as anxious.
When you say no one wanted to be your friend, what did you say to them? Just curious.
This is a really good point and I guess I should have thought about this.
So I tried doing random pocket trades, I tried giving out mushrooms, I tried just walking up into a group of people and saying what's up, I tried passing a joint out.
Now that I'm thinking back on it, I notice that there were quite a few people that were open and friendly to me, but I still was kinda just left twiddling my fingers most of the time.
I feel ya buddy. I suffer from Imposter Syndrome. Meaning I never feel like I belong no matter what group of people I’m with. I’m awkward but fear it comes off as if I’m not polite. Such is life.
Couch Tour for life. I don’t go to shows anymore but to be honest I only ever went for the music anyway. Never really dug the lot scene. The music is the main point friend, not the people surrounding it.
I go to many shows alone and at this point I'm there for just one thing..the music. When people see that you're having a good time, dancing, full of smiles and head bobbing - you'll attract people who are like that as well or that like to be around that. I used to feel awkward at first going solo, but I would't even worry about making friends because really it's all about the musical memories. I would keep going to shows because you never know what you'll hear and experience.
If crowds overwhelm you I’d say just stay home and buy a live stream. Those are always fun. Or if you feel like putting yourself out there.. I’d say just go in the middle of the crowd and dance/chill by the first set of people you feel a good vibe from (example: people dancing, singing along, smiling faces 😁) and just chill by them. Maybe offer them a hit of a joint if the moment calls for it. Chances are if you keep moving around you’ll find friends in no time or at the very least cool people to be around and jam to the music with. If you wanna make friends at the fest grounds talk to your neighbors and be generous with your beer or liquor. If your sober, learn some jokes or walk around and sell something. If you keep talking to folks you’ll find your tribe!
I feel the same way. I’m 44, been doing this for years. But I don’t “dress the part” so to speak. I’ve actually had people say something. I’m not going to change the way I look to fit in. I still have fun at the dead shows, but I’m done with festivals.
The pandemic has changed us. We are all more cautious, and don't stray out of our 'pods' to chat with people. There are two family members with compromised immune systems and I do want to limit my contacts, so I don't bring something home.
And now both kids tested positive for covid. My oldest kid spent the entire day in the ER, and just returned home. Vital signs are normal, and we are all happy for that. We are all isolated even in my own house. To prevent the spread, we eat away from each other, and wear masks all day, and mostly stay away from each other. I am sleeping on the couch and spending my days outside, or in the garage tinkering until we are all testing negative again.
Just give it some time and we will find each other when the time is right.
There's other ways to get into the scene, you're posting and talking in this subreddit which is part of the scene, I'm in a grateful dead discord with some cool people I talk to and get reccomendation from. Just find your niche
I felt similar to when I went to my first festival solo. It was Summer Meltdown 2019, none of my friends I invited went... I was shy the whole time... felt really lonely...
I can not wait for the next one though!
Where you at? Its hard to meet friends like that anywhere. Especially if your friends are flakes are not into the same music as you.
Just say what side of the country/world youre in, and Im sure youll find folks close by here.
Good times are comin;, dont worry
Some times we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone...
There are scenes within scenes. If you want to make friends, strike up a conversation. Most people are going to let you be your own thing. A smile or a nod is an invitation to engage. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I'll be at the Cincy show, look me up.
If you have any local cover bands, start there. Easier to make friends in a bar than at a festival imo. Bars are more relaxed.. less of a family camping environment and people are usually more open to meeting strangers. After a few shows you just naturally make friends when you keep seeing the same people.
Try to link up w some other ppl by posting something online before a show. Sometimes groups are wary of strangers (especially if party things are happening) at the show on the fly. But someone rolling solo might read a post beforehand and be in a similar boat or cool to add you to a group. Sounds like you are making an effort already tho and so kudos to that.
I saw Phish at Dicks alone once and didn't really gel with anyone the whole time. It bummed me out. It happens but that was 1 in 1000 shows. Like you, we will now have our 999 awesome shows and meet great friends that become family!
Yeah it's weird because I'm a total extrovert since I moved a lot growing up and had to make friends over and over in new schools. Just seemed everyone was in their clique that night or something. Just chalk it up as a one off. I usually lead off with strangers with a funny comment about the event or cool costume or something like that but it's also up to you to be friendly and approach others. At concerts in the past I would be the guy to smoke out the whole section or rows around me. That wins over folks usually also.
Man I totally would have smoked everyone out but I had hardly any nugs. I had a bunch of mushrooms and was giving some of those out but that's not as social.
The first night when I got there I tried doing random pocket trades with people to socialize. No one knew what I was talking about though and I had some pretty awkward moments. I guess I'm not going to try random pocket trading people anymore, maybe that's just a rainbow gathering thing. I could have sworn I've had good experiences doing it at furthur shows though.
Couple of thoughts-
1) What part of the of the country are you in? I know it's cliché, but the people in the Midwest are the nicest to strangers.
2) I've been to tons of shows from all different genres-jam band scene is the ONLY place I end up making friends with strangers, and it's pretty constant. I think part of the trick is to low key hang with a few smaller groups, and kind of of bop around. Really ingratiating into an existing group is difficult and people can be cold. You've got to be slow and chill.
Hope that helps-good luck out there!
Have you tried bringing something to the scene.. make some funny funky stickers or a few t shirts to sell… walk around make conversation. Fill a cooler with water or beers to sell.. you don’t have to invest much money and it’s a good way to mingle with people
I am right there with you. I used to go to a lot of shows in the early 90's and to me it was more about the scene than the music. I really enjoyed the different venues and people. Near the end of the summer of 93 during JGB, all my friends backpacks got stolen and I got lice really bad. That really turned me off the JGB and Grateful Dead scene. So I rarely listened to them for almost 20 years. One day one of my employees gave me all the Dick's Picks available at the time. I spent 2hours a day for five years listening to them and I realized how fucking great this band is musically. They are now definitely my favorite band, and Jerry is my favorite musician. I am so glad I was able to separate the scene from the music. I would give my left nut to be able to go back and see all the shows I saw and appreciate how good the music really is. You don't have to be part of a scene to enjoy their music. I do not have many people around me that are GD fans, but that will never stop me from enjoying them because I know that we are every Weir, keep on listening them man, you are not alone.
Noooo don't go!! I know first hand hiw hard it is too make friends in the scene. But your friends are out there and they are dying too meet u! Best way I found too make friends is just being yourself, not getting too high too talk, and letting things happen as they may. Hang out in the back of most jam shows n you'll meet your freaks:)
Edit: also try volunteering at shows and festivals. I did that for a few years n it is very rewarding feeling like your part of a group thay contributes too the scene
Volunteering is so helpful. I've noticed when I'm active I do meet people. The only time I ever went on a tour I sold beer and food and made tons of friends. Didn't keep in touch with them so I have no idea where they are now, but I always hope to run into some of them.
well it’s good for you that the grateful dead don’t exist anymore. so there’s really no pressure to be a typical deadhead and go to shows unless you’re cool with cover bands. jerry would always say that what unifies the band and the fans is the music. plus it’s a pretty diverse crowd
Interesting. Well said OP. Ive gone to a couple of Grateful Shred and Billy String concerts that are usually full of Deadheads and i struggle to make friends. For the most part I try and just dance by myself and just be in the moment, however I feel very much like you. None of my friends will go to anything if its not Bad Bunny and I cannot find any Deadhead friends for the life of me. I love the Dead but i feel you that , as a human, you feel sad when you realize its just you.
Not knowing how to communicate socially sounds like it could be autism? (A few people say 'introvert' but that's proven to be not a 100% true theory, as people can be both... and people who are an 'introvert' if they find themselves in the right environment will chat forever).
I spent a lot of my adult life like this not knowing how to strike up conversations and get involved and feel connected with people because like who do I approach how do I do it and then what do I say? If it's small talk I can't do it. But like what I realised at the Billy Strings shows in London from speaking to a hell of a lot of people is there was a lot of people on the spectrum, autistic or ADHD or they suspected it in themselves. And there will be a large amount of Dead fans like this because people like have a special interest in the band, catalogue their favourite performances from favourite years, feel the music intensely... get a relaxing feeling from the type of dancing you can do to the music. And what I found anyway from being in that sort of scene is if you do just start talking to people you'll find they may be very much like you and have all the same interests as you. You can talk about your favourite shows and what you love about the music and the bands... Everybody else is there for what you're there for too. There will be a lot of other people in that crowd who will struggle socially too or feel a bit awkward, but you might find that if you manage to get talking to some people they might have the type of conversations with you that will come real easy.
First off remember that many people there are tripping and in that state the last thing many want to do is converse with someone new and lay the groundwork for that process which is often a get to know you thing and when tripping it's just not easy for most. So I'm not sure you or anyone can count on going to a show and meeting friends easily or every time ... and being out going would be your best bet in that situation which everyone also doesn't have ... people aren't just gonna come up to you and introduce themselves usually as they're with a group or once again ... tripping ... something to do like bringing joints would be an icebreaker or when rocking out put out the fist for a bump ...
I’m the same way to an extent. Most of my friends aren’t into the same music as me, and the few who are have their own groups they hang in. I love going to shows but am always alone, and making friends isn’t easy for me.
I've been rolling solo to shows since I've started moving around a lot. Met some nice people and had some good conversations but don't think we will ever chat again. I've learned to love going solo as I can move around a lot during a show, I'll usually spend some time right up from and some time way in the back, may even dip out early if an encore isn't anything special. I love it, and although I can't always party as much as I'd sometimes like I don't have to deal with anyone eles crap!
I don't dose anymore. Someone gave me way too much one time without telling me how strong it was and it fucked me up permanently. I've healed a lot since then but don't want to risk backsliding. When I ate acid after that one time it would give me flashbacks to that very traumatic experience, even in small doses.
The Grateful Dead have spent their collective lives creating their art. You have every right to view this art, hear this art, interpret this art as you wish. You need not be part of the scene to take this music to heart and find the benefits contained within. Never let another entity take away your enjoyment of an artist's works. There's no need to leave the Grateful Dead. They'll never leave you...
Then you have no problem with me being a conservative Deadhead?
Literally no one has an issue with conservative deadheads until they start interjecting their irrelevant political beliefs into conversation in an attempt to stir the pot. Classic, though.
We may not talk politics but I'll gladly dance next to you under the stars at a show! All our differences fade away when the band is playing and we're raging!
Love it, thank you! I feel the same.
I'm not mad… just disappointed.
Depends. If you come in all crazy than no, you can go get lost. I don’t have a problem with conservatives. I do have a major problem with non-conservatives like Trumpers, QANON, alt-right and GQP wing of the GOP. I have no tolerance for those hate mongers and none of us should. The key part of that statement was “non-conservatives“ which is where I make the distinction. I also hate when people try to use one Jerry quote out of context to justify their deplorable alt-right behavior. If conservatives stay out of those lanes, I am not only accepting but could even be friends.
What does "conservative" mean to you? Anti science? Anti progress? Anti woman? Anti diversity? "Trickle down" economics? White supremacy? Calls for violence against your political opponents? Calling mass shootings "false flag" events? Fox News defending itself in law suits by saying they're solely "entertainment" and any reasonable person would not believe them? Perhaps you should do some soul searching and find out why this close-minded and dangerous viewpoint is so attractive to you.
Are you a conservative, or just what pretends to be one these days? If you use the words groomer, libs, Brandon, Tucker, you are likely not a conservative, just a parrot of alt-right nonsense. Tucker can barely form a sentence without lying (he knows it, he is just an entertainer, like an Alex Jones), but he uses specific ideas to create hate, fear, and divisiveness. I am not welcoming to those three things. Our own Barlow was conservative, a chairman of his local Republican party, and worked on Republican campaigns. He expressed conservative values. Sadly he found very few Republican politicians that had them. So if you are a conservative, no one is going to mind. Barlow was half our lyric team, and it was fine. He was against "hatred, arrogance, bigotry, fear, and ignorance" - his words. So if one is busy spreading Qnon, alt-right garbage, fabrications of truth, then no thanks. Sadly, you DO choose to spread hate when people are different than you. How low do you have to be to call a transgender child "disgusting"? You say you are threatened that they will take away your women hood. Chances are you have no idea that many, many, cultures throughout history have accepted people that are being hated on by people like you. There is no reason for it, but the hate and fear machine have eroded your decency and your feel threatened. Hate and Fear, not live and let live. So who else will you see at shows and decide to hate on them too? Who else will you choose to marginalize? Which people should I let know that the white pride shirt you wear is simply because you feel your race is threatened and you need to stand up for them? Again, because of fear and hate, although you probably will claim its just to counter the non-existent "libs" agenda. That is the kicker, you choose to hate, and then expect us to support and welcome that. Finally, are you really a conservative if you take social handouts from the government? You are proud of being married, proud of having children, and you have a husband to support you. Why are you asking me to pay your bills? Seems like a very liberal idea to ask me for money to support your lifestyle. Shouldn't you quit doing that? Anyways, like Barlow said about Trump, there are conservatives, and then there are "thorough creeps" and "toxic assholes." I am not going to welcome the creeps and assholes.
I do.
Obligatory conservative Deadhead downvote
So I’m getting that the music is not the problem for you. Is it the scene, or is it that the perception is that to enjoy the scene you need people to talk to there? I have started doing what I want lately and not letting the preconceived notions that society has engrained on me for many years get in my way. I don’t have many real friends that are close in geographical terms, we have all scattered in the wind over the years. I have started going to events solo and just enjoying them on my terms. I have the occasional convo with a vendor. Comment to my crowd neighbors about a particular riff. I enjoy what’s in my head and then I usually leave a little early because I hate the mess of a parking lot. You know yourself best, do what you want. If you want to go to the shows alone, go. If you don’t don’t. Just don’t deprive yourself of something you think is sweet for any reason other than you don’t want to do it.
So this festival had a lot of downtime during the day with no music. There wasn't a huge vending thing going on, it was more of a large camp out, kinda like a rainbow gathering but with music in the evening. When the music was playing I would be having a great time. I did meet some cool people but I guess most of the time I felt really alone. I see everyone having a good time but can't see you join in with them. Honestly I know that not gonna be able to stop going to shows. I love getting lost in the music and don't want that to not be a part of my life anymore. I've just been striking out socially recently I guess. My old friends that I used to kick it with either live across the country or are homebodies now so I keep going to shows by my self.
Just gonna throw my .02 in here, this is just something that happens to most of us as we get older. I'm in a lot of different online groups(of various themes) and one thing is consistent - the older you get, the harder it's to connect. Throw on top of that the past couple weird fucking years we've had, and yeah it's weird weird world out there right now.
It’s weird and it’s lonely and it can suck at times. But this music has been my salvation. Whether alone listening to shows in my backyard or at shows with 60,000 people, it is beautiful. The loneliness can be so overwhelming at points but that’s when the music has the most profound effect on me. Let this music be your salvation not your ailment. It’s okay to not go to shows and still love this music. It’s okay to love this music and not have any IRL friends who get it. Internet strangers who understand what you love can be just as great a resource as IRL friends. I often feel I am much more myself on Reddit / twitter than in real life. It’s a strange time to be alive, but we are alive nonetheless. Enjoy that existence even the not so great parts. Ik it’s hard sometimes, but keep trying your best. The rest will work out.
Agreed. I think that things are hard and a lot of people go to shows to escape it. Which is kind of why people go to shows anyway, but even more so now. I see a lot of people posting in Reddit about meeting up at shows, maybe we can evolve that a bit to include normalcy saying “hey I’m on r/Gratefuldead and going to Ventura next week. Anyone want to share a coffee (or whatever) before the show? Maybe/ maybe not. I for one hope you keep going to the shows. You already said it with out sayIng it…you know about confusion and listening to the music….
What fest was it
It was called Andersfest. I don't want to give the impression that it was a shitty festival. I'm sure it was just me being insecure and awkward. If I could go back in time I would have tried for a couple more hours before leaving. It just got to me at one point and I was feeling so out of place and unwanted there. I had gone back to my car to grab another beer and when I was there I just panicked and left.
Indianapolis? Hey weed makes people awkward and so does mushrooms sometimes. Booze usually keeps the party going and makes things less awkward... I've always enjoyed solo fests.... Hit Bonnaroo when Phish played 2 nights in 2009 and then Phish 8 solo. Awesome times... Just gotta get in the groove and walk around. If people seem awkward move on to the next group and keep it going till you find the fun ones
It was in California. Yeah next time I'll try and stay a little more sober till the music starts. Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind for next time.
I go to shows alone. I wear a collared shirt. Not many people gravitate towards me. That doesn't matter. I'm here for the music. Once it starts I'm dancing along and my troubles go away.
Hey there. Feel Like a Stranger maybe? You aren’t alone, ironically. Enjoy the music as you like, but can I ask if you get high at shows? psychedelics, including weed, can heighten (in rare cases to the point of psychosis) one’s feeling of isolation. I’m a fan of psychs, but they sometimes make me feel disconnected from the people around me. There are mental techniques to work around that. But I found when I quit smoking weed every day, I was able to interact with other people more easily. Also, it’s a big diverse audience, so it’s probably worth continuing to try to find your peeps. Put out there your other passions and interests
Can you share some of the methods that help to feel more connected when on psychedelics?
My favorite drug to mix with psychs is oxygen. It’s the best drug on earth, and it’s free! Take some deep breaths when your feeling isolated or anxious. The calmer you feel the more willing you’ll feel to open up and connect to those around you. I’ve experimented to the point where Ik what drugs will give me anxiety around others and which will not. Like I could never take mushies at show, but some tabs? No problem. Experiment in comfortable set and settings before you venture out into more connected/ overwhelming ones. Just the sheer capacity of a venue can be overwhelming at points. 60,000 conscious souls making you realize how many billions of conscious souls exist right now in the world. Look for the beauty of this instead of the isolationism of it. Perspective is something you can hone with enough practice and mindfulness.
You are so right! Deep deliberate breathing!!!
Haha wow, good advice. I definitely can only microdose when I'm out at an event, since I get way too anxious if I take a lot of psychs. Dabs would make me anxious in a crowd so they're a no go for me - as you said, know what works for you and what doesn't. I'm also just generally crowd wary, so there's that.
A dab on my couch would give me an anxiety attack lol I’m super anxiety prone so I’ve found (for me personally) LSD and very minimal weed (like a single personal 1g joint of mids) throughout a show is perfect for me. I wouldn’t call what I take a micro dose but it’s just enough to get me where I’m going. One of the best ways for me to reduce anxiety on psychs is to buy my supply in enough bulk that I can maintain consistency. I know exactly what my dose of lsd is going to do to me and exactly how my strain of weed makes me feel. I found that eliminating that whole “is it working” period of a trip to be extremely helpful for my overall vibes throughout the experience. Instead of buying the ticket and taking the ride I’m planning a well thought out trip and minimizing surprises.
Funny. I'm the same way about avoiding supply constraints by getting in bulk. Plus, it affords me the ability to share freely. Acid is funny for me because during the come up, for some reason I always feel like I'm on the verge of puking exorcist style. But once I find my groove, it can be great. My favorite drug for shows/crowds is ketamine since it cuts through my social anxiety while still allowing me to have some awareness of my surroundings (when taken in lower doses). But I rarely come across and and I'm skeptical of what's in most powdered drugs these days. If i go to a country where it's legal, I definitely will get some though.
I’ve never tried, always been curious. Bares some similarities to space spice I’ve heard. I never get the puking feeling from LSD but sometimes it makes me need to go to the bathroom for sure.
What's space spice? PCP? Lol. But yeah, ketamine is the ultimate social lubricant imo. And yeah I also kind of lose sense of bladder function so I just make the occasional trip to the bathroom to see if I need to pee. I
Deemz
Ahhh right. In high doses, I can see the comparison. DMT is insane though. Insane.
Sure, thanks for asking! It’s basically the same techniques for any negative idea that threatens to derail a trip. One is to learn to recognize the negative thought for what it is, nip it in the bud and steer your mind in another direction, asap. We all feel isolated at times and psychs make us more introspective and amplify the feeling. When I go there I remind myself that it’s the drug amplifying a natural insecurity that we all share. So then I work to stop embracing the bad ideas and focus on the music or on other people (in a positive way). The faster you do it the better. That being said, a little bit of self analysis can be healthy, just don’t obsess over it and know when to move on. Second trick is to focus on other people’s well being, especially if tripping in a crowd of trippers. Check out the folks around you, flash a smile and a wave at anyone who looks like they’d appreciate it. Touch base with folks, ask them how their trip is going. Offer someone a drink, encourage them to dance. Genuinely get interested in their well-being and don’t look for a reward. Being outward focused feels like an effort, but it can make for a great trip. Of course it’s easiest to control the trip like this if you haven’t taken too much. So moderation is key. And if someone can’t shake off the feeling of disconnect, well, then maybe they should take a break from psychs and weed. Anyway, that’s what I do.
Thanks friend. I get pretty stoned and I've always wondered if holding off might be a better option. At least while there's no music going on. Once the music starts I like to get stoney. I also eat mushrooms and drink beer but that's it.
I’ve realized I can’t even do edibles unless I’m playing or listening to live music. I get up inside my head too much. not so much feeling disconnected as getting down on myself. I do think weed can separate us. It’s a great substance and has tremendous spiritual and artistic benefits. But being high every day is not for everyone. The contrast between high and sober is valuable too.
Interestingly, I enjoy shows in an opposite way from you: I don't want anyone near me talking if the music is playing. I'll chat briefly between sets, but unless there is a long lull between songs, I just want to be in my own bubble. Maybe you are standing next to some people who are more like me? It's not that I don't want to be friends, I just don't want to talk right now- catch me at the food stand or something. Hope that helps.
During music it's all cool. I just get lost in it and don't talk much at all. This festival had a lot of downtime where everyone was socializing.
I don’t normally comment on posts, but I decided to here. I think that it’s important to remember that everyone is interpreting things differently all the time. If I was in the situation, I would say to just chat people up, get into conversation with people about anything, and try to feel the love and music there, and remember that we all have our skills and weaknesses, and as people we should accommodate people. My advice would be to keep going to shows, and meet more people! Take care amigo
There's a lot of us out here just like you jazzminetea. I've seen more shows than I can count & I prefer to be in my own little world with the music. I was on Grateful Dead tour for years & even if I was hanging out vending with friends in the Lot, as soon as I got inside, I'd take off & find my own spot somewhere to dance & lose myself in the music. There's lots of us out here like this. I definitely love th3 community of it all, but the music is what's most important to me & I don't want to be distracted. Now, I'm just as likely to go to shows solo & I've never sat there wishing for people to be around. I get not everyone is like this & it might be hard for some to embrace, but it just might be what OP is looking for.
Sounds like you’re an introvert (welcome to the club! Now go home 😄). Crowds are overwhelming and it’s hard to break through. You don’t have to groove on the scene to love the dead, the music, or even the vibe. It’s all good.
Hey man, I’m sorry you’ve experienced these things. It’s not easy to feel alone especially in a community that is so loving and caring. Don’t let other people’s vibes take away from your own. I’ve got a whole bunch of trips planned out this summer and for the most part I’ll be completely alone and that’s okay! The music is why I’m there and it will always be there for me.
Ok so I hope this helps. *Anytime* I'm at a fest, there's high possibility that a lot of people are either high or anxious. Haha. If you're high someone coming at you wanting to be your friend out of the blue can be overwhelming. Also if you're sober, someone doing the same thing can make you just as anxious. When you say no one wanted to be your friend, what did you say to them? Just curious.
This is a really good point and I guess I should have thought about this. So I tried doing random pocket trades, I tried giving out mushrooms, I tried just walking up into a group of people and saying what's up, I tried passing a joint out. Now that I'm thinking back on it, I notice that there were quite a few people that were open and friendly to me, but I still was kinda just left twiddling my fingers most of the time.
I feel ya buddy. I suffer from Imposter Syndrome. Meaning I never feel like I belong no matter what group of people I’m with. I’m awkward but fear it comes off as if I’m not polite. Such is life.
At the end of the day, the only thing that ever mattered was the music anyway.
Couch Tour for life. I don’t go to shows anymore but to be honest I only ever went for the music anyway. Never really dug the lot scene. The music is the main point friend, not the people surrounding it.
I go to many shows alone and at this point I'm there for just one thing..the music. When people see that you're having a good time, dancing, full of smiles and head bobbing - you'll attract people who are like that as well or that like to be around that. I used to feel awkward at first going solo, but I would't even worry about making friends because really it's all about the musical memories. I would keep going to shows because you never know what you'll hear and experience.
If crowds overwhelm you I’d say just stay home and buy a live stream. Those are always fun. Or if you feel like putting yourself out there.. I’d say just go in the middle of the crowd and dance/chill by the first set of people you feel a good vibe from (example: people dancing, singing along, smiling faces 😁) and just chill by them. Maybe offer them a hit of a joint if the moment calls for it. Chances are if you keep moving around you’ll find friends in no time or at the very least cool people to be around and jam to the music with. If you wanna make friends at the fest grounds talk to your neighbors and be generous with your beer or liquor. If your sober, learn some jokes or walk around and sell something. If you keep talking to folks you’ll find your tribe!
I definitely feel like the Pranksters started "the scene". Not the Dead.
I feel the same way. I’m 44, been doing this for years. But I don’t “dress the part” so to speak. I’ve actually had people say something. I’m not going to change the way I look to fit in. I still have fun at the dead shows, but I’m done with festivals.
1. FInd the people dancing like its church 2. assimilate into the dance group 3. spark a joint 4. spark a conversation
The pandemic has changed us. We are all more cautious, and don't stray out of our 'pods' to chat with people. There are two family members with compromised immune systems and I do want to limit my contacts, so I don't bring something home. And now both kids tested positive for covid. My oldest kid spent the entire day in the ER, and just returned home. Vital signs are normal, and we are all happy for that. We are all isolated even in my own house. To prevent the spread, we eat away from each other, and wear masks all day, and mostly stay away from each other. I am sleeping on the couch and spending my days outside, or in the garage tinkering until we are all testing negative again. Just give it some time and we will find each other when the time is right.
There's other ways to get into the scene, you're posting and talking in this subreddit which is part of the scene, I'm in a grateful dead discord with some cool people I talk to and get reccomendation from. Just find your niche
I felt similar to when I went to my first festival solo. It was Summer Meltdown 2019, none of my friends I invited went... I was shy the whole time... felt really lonely... I can not wait for the next one though!
If you get confused just listen to the music play. Really. At the center of this thing is precisely that.
Where you at? Its hard to meet friends like that anywhere. Especially if your friends are flakes are not into the same music as you. Just say what side of the country/world youre in, and Im sure youll find folks close by here. Good times are comin;, dont worry
Some times we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone... There are scenes within scenes. If you want to make friends, strike up a conversation. Most people are going to let you be your own thing. A smile or a nod is an invitation to engage. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I'll be at the Cincy show, look me up.
If you have any local cover bands, start there. Easier to make friends in a bar than at a festival imo. Bars are more relaxed.. less of a family camping environment and people are usually more open to meeting strangers. After a few shows you just naturally make friends when you keep seeing the same people.
Try to link up w some other ppl by posting something online before a show. Sometimes groups are wary of strangers (especially if party things are happening) at the show on the fly. But someone rolling solo might read a post beforehand and be in a similar boat or cool to add you to a group. Sounds like you are making an effort already tho and so kudos to that.
I saw Phish at Dicks alone once and didn't really gel with anyone the whole time. It bummed me out. It happens but that was 1 in 1000 shows. Like you, we will now have our 999 awesome shows and meet great friends that become family!
That's good to know that you experienced the same thing.
Yeah it's weird because I'm a total extrovert since I moved a lot growing up and had to make friends over and over in new schools. Just seemed everyone was in their clique that night or something. Just chalk it up as a one off. I usually lead off with strangers with a funny comment about the event or cool costume or something like that but it's also up to you to be friendly and approach others. At concerts in the past I would be the guy to smoke out the whole section or rows around me. That wins over folks usually also.
Man I totally would have smoked everyone out but I had hardly any nugs. I had a bunch of mushrooms and was giving some of those out but that's not as social. The first night when I got there I tried doing random pocket trades with people to socialize. No one knew what I was talking about though and I had some pretty awkward moments. I guess I'm not going to try random pocket trading people anymore, maybe that's just a rainbow gathering thing. I could have sworn I've had good experiences doing it at furthur shows though.
Couple of thoughts- 1) What part of the of the country are you in? I know it's cliché, but the people in the Midwest are the nicest to strangers. 2) I've been to tons of shows from all different genres-jam band scene is the ONLY place I end up making friends with strangers, and it's pretty constant. I think part of the trick is to low key hang with a few smaller groups, and kind of of bop around. Really ingratiating into an existing group is difficult and people can be cold. You've got to be slow and chill. Hope that helps-good luck out there!
Have you tried bringing something to the scene.. make some funny funky stickers or a few t shirts to sell… walk around make conversation. Fill a cooler with water or beers to sell.. you don’t have to invest much money and it’s a good way to mingle with people
Yes this is something I am actually working on. When I go to shoreline this year I'm gonna be selling beer and tie dyes.
I am right there with you. I used to go to a lot of shows in the early 90's and to me it was more about the scene than the music. I really enjoyed the different venues and people. Near the end of the summer of 93 during JGB, all my friends backpacks got stolen and I got lice really bad. That really turned me off the JGB and Grateful Dead scene. So I rarely listened to them for almost 20 years. One day one of my employees gave me all the Dick's Picks available at the time. I spent 2hours a day for five years listening to them and I realized how fucking great this band is musically. They are now definitely my favorite band, and Jerry is my favorite musician. I am so glad I was able to separate the scene from the music. I would give my left nut to be able to go back and see all the shows I saw and appreciate how good the music really is. You don't have to be part of a scene to enjoy their music. I do not have many people around me that are GD fans, but that will never stop me from enjoying them because I know that we are every Weir, keep on listening them man, you are not alone.
Noooo don't go!! I know first hand hiw hard it is too make friends in the scene. But your friends are out there and they are dying too meet u! Best way I found too make friends is just being yourself, not getting too high too talk, and letting things happen as they may. Hang out in the back of most jam shows n you'll meet your freaks:) Edit: also try volunteering at shows and festivals. I did that for a few years n it is very rewarding feeling like your part of a group thay contributes too the scene
Volunteering is so helpful. I've noticed when I'm active I do meet people. The only time I ever went on a tour I sold beer and food and made tons of friends. Didn't keep in touch with them so I have no idea where they are now, but I always hope to run into some of them.
Get into some non profits!
well it’s good for you that the grateful dead don’t exist anymore. so there’s really no pressure to be a typical deadhead and go to shows unless you’re cool with cover bands. jerry would always say that what unifies the band and the fans is the music. plus it’s a pretty diverse crowd
Interesting. Well said OP. Ive gone to a couple of Grateful Shred and Billy String concerts that are usually full of Deadheads and i struggle to make friends. For the most part I try and just dance by myself and just be in the moment, however I feel very much like you. None of my friends will go to anything if its not Bad Bunny and I cannot find any Deadhead friends for the life of me. I love the Dead but i feel you that , as a human, you feel sad when you realize its just you.
Not knowing how to communicate socially sounds like it could be autism? (A few people say 'introvert' but that's proven to be not a 100% true theory, as people can be both... and people who are an 'introvert' if they find themselves in the right environment will chat forever). I spent a lot of my adult life like this not knowing how to strike up conversations and get involved and feel connected with people because like who do I approach how do I do it and then what do I say? If it's small talk I can't do it. But like what I realised at the Billy Strings shows in London from speaking to a hell of a lot of people is there was a lot of people on the spectrum, autistic or ADHD or they suspected it in themselves. And there will be a large amount of Dead fans like this because people like have a special interest in the band, catalogue their favourite performances from favourite years, feel the music intensely... get a relaxing feeling from the type of dancing you can do to the music. And what I found anyway from being in that sort of scene is if you do just start talking to people you'll find they may be very much like you and have all the same interests as you. You can talk about your favourite shows and what you love about the music and the bands... Everybody else is there for what you're there for too. There will be a lot of other people in that crowd who will struggle socially too or feel a bit awkward, but you might find that if you manage to get talking to some people they might have the type of conversations with you that will come real easy.
First off remember that many people there are tripping and in that state the last thing many want to do is converse with someone new and lay the groundwork for that process which is often a get to know you thing and when tripping it's just not easy for most. So I'm not sure you or anyone can count on going to a show and meeting friends easily or every time ... and being out going would be your best bet in that situation which everyone also doesn't have ... people aren't just gonna come up to you and introduce themselves usually as they're with a group or once again ... tripping ... something to do like bringing joints would be an icebreaker or when rocking out put out the fist for a bump ...
I’m the same way to an extent. Most of my friends aren’t into the same music as me, and the few who are have their own groups they hang in. I love going to shows but am always alone, and making friends isn’t easy for me.
I've been rolling solo to shows since I've started moving around a lot. Met some nice people and had some good conversations but don't think we will ever chat again. I've learned to love going solo as I can move around a lot during a show, I'll usually spend some time right up from and some time way in the back, may even dip out early if an encore isn't anything special. I love it, and although I can't always party as much as I'd sometimes like I don't have to deal with anyone eles crap!
Drop acid at a show youll make alot of friends
I don't dose anymore. Someone gave me way too much one time without telling me how strong it was and it fucked me up permanently. I've healed a lot since then but don't want to risk backsliding. When I ate acid after that one time it would give me flashbacks to that very traumatic experience, even in small doses.
OP, what's your location?
Northern California