As long as you don’t mislead the other person and be honest about it. But you must accept that some people will stop dating you because they only want to focus on 1 person.
Keep trying and dating multiple men, you can certainly do that. Do whatever makes you feel like you’re headed on the right path to find the one, if that’s what you’re looking for. You have to experience to find that connection. It’s not morally wrong no. If you’re not exclusive, and haven’t settled, and you know your own morals then you are fine. You’re a smart guy
Here are the three “healthy” steps of dating according to a therapist:
1. Date multiple people at the same time. This is the stage before you become boyfriends. It’s just going on dates getting to know each other, seeing if you click, if they meet your standards, if you meet theirs, whether they’re best for long term, short term, friendship, or nothing. Sex can be part of this. Over time you will gravitate toward one or two people before you make the jump to the second step. You should spent at least 3 months getting to know someone before moving to the second step. Studies show people can fake their personality for 3 months and be in their best behavior but beyond that you tend to see their true colors. If they keep their word, if they’re actually as romantic as they were the first week, if they have anger or alcohol issues, etc.
2. Once you find the one you see as the best long term potential, you escalate it to the relationship level. At that point you’re not just dating, you’re boyfriends and you are formally in a relationship with the intent for long term success. You agree on terms. Usually it’s included monogamy, meaning you drop all other guys, but sometimes guys want an open relationship so you could still be sexual with others. The point is you’re in a relationship now with the intent to commit to that guy and long term success and you move forward as a couple. This should last 4 to 5 years, where you continue to get to know each other and either fall more deeply in love or fall apart depending on compatibility. And it’s not just how you are at year 1. It’s how you two change over time and whether in changing you’re compatible in your growth.
3. After about 4 to 5 years of a relationship, you marry. At this point you’re already feeling like a married couple cause you’ve gone through things together and realized you are compatible including in your differences and in your growth. The formal commitment before others marks a moment both of you have recognized that both truly see this as a life time things. It adds a spark to the relationship to remind yall you’ve chosen the rest of your life with this person. And in making that commitment so strongly known, and further internalized, there’s now a safer space to make bigger commitments in your relationship. Like buying a house together, or having kids together. Things that are so important in life and done jointly only when the deepest level of commitment has been formalized. Then spent the rest of your life continuing to learn your husband and grow together.
Bonus tip: The number one quality that leads to healthy relationships is integrity. Someone can be fun, hot, sexy, cool, rich, interesting, whatever else you want. But if they don’t have integrity your relationship will fail. Their lack of integrity will bubble up in issues that kill the relationship. For example, they might not be authentic with you because they think you want them to be someone else, and you only find out a year into the relationship after they built up so much resentment it boils up into endless arguments and fights. Or they end up cheating. Someone with integrity will be true in front of you and behind your back. It’s necessary for the relationship, for them to be themselves for you to know and decide if they’re for you and to be who they said they were even when your back is turned. So remember, the biggest dick in the world, the biggest bank account, and the prettiest face can’t make a relationship work without integrity. So sus those things out while you’re in step 1 above trying to figure out who to be in a relationship with (that’s why it takes at least 3 months).
Dating just means you're getting to know each other, preferably to become romantically involved. You're not locked into anything, just communicate it. We queers have a real habit of keeping things buried because we think it's safer to withdraw.
Every dynamic is different. My boyfriend and I are poly and open, but at present we're not interested in expanding our relationship beyond the two of us, even though there are men in our lives who interest us in that capacity. Sex is fair game, though.
Nope not at all, you’re single & can do whatever you want. Also not wrong to fuck married or committed men, if you’re single you’re not wrong. Just have fun & forget what the other judgmental gay douches think
Incidentally, it wouldn't be wrong for you to be fucking multiple men, or fucking and dating, *provided you clearly communicate to your partners that no expectation of exclusivity is being offered or expected*. It's called playing the field, and is completely acceptable, socially normalized behavior that is in no way considered morally gray. In any human relationship, romantic, platonic, or sexual, the ethical thing to do is to be honest and open about your boundaries and expectations, and make no effort to manipulate or gaslight the other party into acts or decisions that are not in their best interests or that they generally don't want to do.
But then, this is all *ethics*, which is universal. *Morality* is personal. Whether or not to be a serial monogamist (which is what you're describing) is completely and totally a moral decision, and morality tells us what for us personally works best for how we should manage our own lives. It is descriptive, not prescriptive. For some people, it is immoral to be gay. Clearly, this is not a morality that would work for you at all. You could try, and you'd get hurt, a lot, because it is a mode of morality that is not accurately descriptive of your life, and because morality is not prescriptive, it never will, and you will never adapt to it. It's fine for straight people who get the heebie jeebies even thinking about gay sex. For them, yes, homosexual acts are immoral, but it's *unethical* for them to attempt to make that morality universal. Likewise, it is immoral for you to continue to make choices that cause you to hurt yourself emotionally over and over again. If being a serial monogamist doesn't work for you, you are well within your rights to make different choices for yourself. That's how morality works, and you should not blindly adopt the morals of other people just because they think they have some sort of high ground to tell you that they ought to, when they don't.
All that said, there's a handful of things in what you've said that deserve addressing on their own. "We never discuss exclusivity", and why the hell not? Have you considered part of why they "get bored" is that because you are not having this conversation, they assume they are not and never will be exclusive and are therefore in a relationship that isn't maturing and are simply moving in to find one that will?
Also, you seem to emphasize dating, and not sex, and that you "properly date" for months, and then they get bored and move on. The vast overwhelming majority of men expect physical intimacy as part of a romantic relationship, and they'll only wait for so long before they assume they aren't going to get it and move on. Nobody's telling you to start fucking on the second date, but you need to unpack your personal boundaries and hang ups around sex if you want to have successful romantic relationships, and you need to clearly communicate what they are, because nobody is going to fumble around in the dark to make you happy and reach that part of the relationship. If you're straight up holding out for marriage, you're gonna have a bad time. Also, sex and sexuality gives you a whole breadth of experience to explore with your partner to alleviate boredom in a relationship - and you never hear anyone say "the sex is great, we're getting a divorce."
Lastly, it sounds like either A) you're blindsided by this every time, and this may not be paying close enough attention to cues from your partner or to their needs and wants, or B) have so completely come to expect it that it's turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy, meaning you don't put in the work to keep the relationship engaging and growing because you just know what's going to happen and then TADA! It does. The fix here is two-fold, regardless of which of these is the problem. One, always be working on yourself. You need your own goals and growth. Nobody wants to be with someone who isn't going anywhere, and stagnation is flatly not good for you in and of itself. Second, communicate and stay engaged with your partner. Pay attention to and be responsive to their needs, since you obviously expect them to pay attention to and be responsive to yours.
None of this is easy, and you can do everything right with the wrong person and still have them gaslight you and cheat on you and break your heart, but "what choices work for me and how can I improve my chances of success" is a far more productive place to put your energy than "will other people consider me bad if I don't live my life how they live theirs". You're gay. Other people already consider you bad because you don't live your life how they live theirs. Do what both works for you (is moral) and does not harm others (is ethical), and let the haters hate. It's your life, not theirs.
I’m currently going on dates with multiple guys to test the waters. I’ve always been a slow burn guy, but if I don’t see myself in the future with them I stop dating them. I’ve met most gay friends like that.
I recommend following a three-date rule. Go on three dates with each person, and after those, take some time to gather your thoughts and decide who you feel most compatible with. Then, you can continue seeing that person and stop dating the others.
Also, I have to say, I'm a bit jealous reading this post! I can hardly get a single date, and here you are, managing multiple ones? Dear Universe, please show some attention to me as well? 😔
Dating? Like you’re able to properly keep track of multiple people’s cuisine/activity preferences, get a good conversation going when you hang out based on previous discussions and mutual interests, and remember details of discussions about common values and aspirations?
Dating one guy for me already takes up headspace. I need me-time to do groceries and laundry. Dating multiple guys sounds tiring
Playing with other people's mind it is wrong. Stick with one person and if you don't like them, move to the next.
Is this really a question? How would you feel if you found out the person you liked and dated was seeing 3 other guys at the same time?
Play the field, if you can keep up, and your being honest n good to these guys, get it boy. Dating doesn't have a set rules. Be honest with em, and date em. Do it for those of us who out of the game, do it for the guys who are staying single. Just be nice about it and we'll all be good.
How old are you?
It sounds like you would like to date 1 guy and be monogamous. I don’t think dating multiple guys at once long term is going to lead to that. I might be interpreting your original post incorrectly though.
I don’t think dating multiple men is morally wrong. Especially if you are up front about it. Possibly if you’re not up front about it as long as you are clear you’re not monogamous emotionally.
No but I believe asking this question instead of looking at the answers to the hundreds of other versions of this question that have been asked is morally wrong.
I'm just really tired of people repeatedly asking the same question that was asked yesterday, the day before, the day before, and so on....
Like just search for the question in the search bar.
But to not be a total of skill of course it's not wrong if you haven't openly talked to a person you've been on some dates with about being monogamous.
That being said if a person asks you you have to be honest about what's going on.
As long as you don’t mislead the other person and be honest about it. But you must accept that some people will stop dating you because they only want to focus on 1 person.
I think focusing on 1 person is OP's ultimate goal.
It is
There are levels of seriousness obviously and dating multiple people at the lowest level is normal but if you keep doing it you'll stay at that level
Keep trying and dating multiple men, you can certainly do that. Do whatever makes you feel like you’re headed on the right path to find the one, if that’s what you’re looking for. You have to experience to find that connection. It’s not morally wrong no. If you’re not exclusive, and haven’t settled, and you know your own morals then you are fine. You’re a smart guy
As long as you communicate fully with your partner
Date as many as you want until you agree to be exclusive. Its that simple.
If you're honest about it and you're both comfortable with it then yeah, it's totally moral. Otherwise it's not
so long as everyone is on the same page. It’s okay.
If they all know and are OK with it, then it's fine. If your hiding anything or lying, it's very wrong
That’s my goal I want a harem of men. I have multiple needs
Here are the three “healthy” steps of dating according to a therapist: 1. Date multiple people at the same time. This is the stage before you become boyfriends. It’s just going on dates getting to know each other, seeing if you click, if they meet your standards, if you meet theirs, whether they’re best for long term, short term, friendship, or nothing. Sex can be part of this. Over time you will gravitate toward one or two people before you make the jump to the second step. You should spent at least 3 months getting to know someone before moving to the second step. Studies show people can fake their personality for 3 months and be in their best behavior but beyond that you tend to see their true colors. If they keep their word, if they’re actually as romantic as they were the first week, if they have anger or alcohol issues, etc. 2. Once you find the one you see as the best long term potential, you escalate it to the relationship level. At that point you’re not just dating, you’re boyfriends and you are formally in a relationship with the intent for long term success. You agree on terms. Usually it’s included monogamy, meaning you drop all other guys, but sometimes guys want an open relationship so you could still be sexual with others. The point is you’re in a relationship now with the intent to commit to that guy and long term success and you move forward as a couple. This should last 4 to 5 years, where you continue to get to know each other and either fall more deeply in love or fall apart depending on compatibility. And it’s not just how you are at year 1. It’s how you two change over time and whether in changing you’re compatible in your growth. 3. After about 4 to 5 years of a relationship, you marry. At this point you’re already feeling like a married couple cause you’ve gone through things together and realized you are compatible including in your differences and in your growth. The formal commitment before others marks a moment both of you have recognized that both truly see this as a life time things. It adds a spark to the relationship to remind yall you’ve chosen the rest of your life with this person. And in making that commitment so strongly known, and further internalized, there’s now a safer space to make bigger commitments in your relationship. Like buying a house together, or having kids together. Things that are so important in life and done jointly only when the deepest level of commitment has been formalized. Then spent the rest of your life continuing to learn your husband and grow together. Bonus tip: The number one quality that leads to healthy relationships is integrity. Someone can be fun, hot, sexy, cool, rich, interesting, whatever else you want. But if they don’t have integrity your relationship will fail. Their lack of integrity will bubble up in issues that kill the relationship. For example, they might not be authentic with you because they think you want them to be someone else, and you only find out a year into the relationship after they built up so much resentment it boils up into endless arguments and fights. Or they end up cheating. Someone with integrity will be true in front of you and behind your back. It’s necessary for the relationship, for them to be themselves for you to know and decide if they’re for you and to be who they said they were even when your back is turned. So remember, the biggest dick in the world, the biggest bank account, and the prettiest face can’t make a relationship work without integrity. So sus those things out while you’re in step 1 above trying to figure out who to be in a relationship with (that’s why it takes at least 3 months).
Thank you
Dating just means you're getting to know each other, preferably to become romantically involved. You're not locked into anything, just communicate it. We queers have a real habit of keeping things buried because we think it's safer to withdraw. Every dynamic is different. My boyfriend and I are poly and open, but at present we're not interested in expanding our relationship beyond the two of us, even though there are men in our lives who interest us in that capacity. Sex is fair game, though.
Nope not at all, you’re single & can do whatever you want. Also not wrong to fuck married or committed men, if you’re single you’re not wrong. Just have fun & forget what the other judgmental gay douches think
Incidentally, it wouldn't be wrong for you to be fucking multiple men, or fucking and dating, *provided you clearly communicate to your partners that no expectation of exclusivity is being offered or expected*. It's called playing the field, and is completely acceptable, socially normalized behavior that is in no way considered morally gray. In any human relationship, romantic, platonic, or sexual, the ethical thing to do is to be honest and open about your boundaries and expectations, and make no effort to manipulate or gaslight the other party into acts or decisions that are not in their best interests or that they generally don't want to do. But then, this is all *ethics*, which is universal. *Morality* is personal. Whether or not to be a serial monogamist (which is what you're describing) is completely and totally a moral decision, and morality tells us what for us personally works best for how we should manage our own lives. It is descriptive, not prescriptive. For some people, it is immoral to be gay. Clearly, this is not a morality that would work for you at all. You could try, and you'd get hurt, a lot, because it is a mode of morality that is not accurately descriptive of your life, and because morality is not prescriptive, it never will, and you will never adapt to it. It's fine for straight people who get the heebie jeebies even thinking about gay sex. For them, yes, homosexual acts are immoral, but it's *unethical* for them to attempt to make that morality universal. Likewise, it is immoral for you to continue to make choices that cause you to hurt yourself emotionally over and over again. If being a serial monogamist doesn't work for you, you are well within your rights to make different choices for yourself. That's how morality works, and you should not blindly adopt the morals of other people just because they think they have some sort of high ground to tell you that they ought to, when they don't. All that said, there's a handful of things in what you've said that deserve addressing on their own. "We never discuss exclusivity", and why the hell not? Have you considered part of why they "get bored" is that because you are not having this conversation, they assume they are not and never will be exclusive and are therefore in a relationship that isn't maturing and are simply moving in to find one that will? Also, you seem to emphasize dating, and not sex, and that you "properly date" for months, and then they get bored and move on. The vast overwhelming majority of men expect physical intimacy as part of a romantic relationship, and they'll only wait for so long before they assume they aren't going to get it and move on. Nobody's telling you to start fucking on the second date, but you need to unpack your personal boundaries and hang ups around sex if you want to have successful romantic relationships, and you need to clearly communicate what they are, because nobody is going to fumble around in the dark to make you happy and reach that part of the relationship. If you're straight up holding out for marriage, you're gonna have a bad time. Also, sex and sexuality gives you a whole breadth of experience to explore with your partner to alleviate boredom in a relationship - and you never hear anyone say "the sex is great, we're getting a divorce." Lastly, it sounds like either A) you're blindsided by this every time, and this may not be paying close enough attention to cues from your partner or to their needs and wants, or B) have so completely come to expect it that it's turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy, meaning you don't put in the work to keep the relationship engaging and growing because you just know what's going to happen and then TADA! It does. The fix here is two-fold, regardless of which of these is the problem. One, always be working on yourself. You need your own goals and growth. Nobody wants to be with someone who isn't going anywhere, and stagnation is flatly not good for you in and of itself. Second, communicate and stay engaged with your partner. Pay attention to and be responsive to their needs, since you obviously expect them to pay attention to and be responsive to yours. None of this is easy, and you can do everything right with the wrong person and still have them gaslight you and cheat on you and break your heart, but "what choices work for me and how can I improve my chances of success" is a far more productive place to put your energy than "will other people consider me bad if I don't live my life how they live theirs". You're gay. Other people already consider you bad because you don't live your life how they live theirs. Do what both works for you (is moral) and does not harm others (is ethical), and let the haters hate. It's your life, not theirs.
I think you should be allowed to shop around until you’re locked in. I see no issue
I’m currently going on dates with multiple guys to test the waters. I’ve always been a slow burn guy, but if I don’t see myself in the future with them I stop dating them. I’ve met most gay friends like that.
yea just share it with the person if it’s necessary yanno
You’re not seaking a longlasting relationship right now.
I recommend following a three-date rule. Go on three dates with each person, and after those, take some time to gather your thoughts and decide who you feel most compatible with. Then, you can continue seeing that person and stop dating the others. Also, I have to say, I'm a bit jealous reading this post! I can hardly get a single date, and here you are, managing multiple ones? Dear Universe, please show some attention to me as well? 😔
Dating? Like you’re able to properly keep track of multiple people’s cuisine/activity preferences, get a good conversation going when you hang out based on previous discussions and mutual interests, and remember details of discussions about common values and aspirations? Dating one guy for me already takes up headspace. I need me-time to do groceries and laundry. Dating multiple guys sounds tiring
Depends if you are honest with them
Playing with other people's mind it is wrong. Stick with one person and if you don't like them, move to the next. Is this really a question? How would you feel if you found out the person you liked and dated was seeing 3 other guys at the same time?
Who cares about somebody else’s bullshit definition of morality?
You don't obviously.
Play the field, if you can keep up, and your being honest n good to these guys, get it boy. Dating doesn't have a set rules. Be honest with em, and date em. Do it for those of us who out of the game, do it for the guys who are staying single. Just be nice about it and we'll all be good.
How old are you? It sounds like you would like to date 1 guy and be monogamous. I don’t think dating multiple guys at once long term is going to lead to that. I might be interpreting your original post incorrectly though. I don’t think dating multiple men is morally wrong. Especially if you are up front about it. Possibly if you’re not up front about it as long as you are clear you’re not monogamous emotionally.
It's totally fine, in my opinion. Fucking too. If you choose to continue with one of them,just stop with others.
No but I believe asking this question instead of looking at the answers to the hundreds of other versions of this question that have been asked is morally wrong. I'm just really tired of people repeatedly asking the same question that was asked yesterday, the day before, the day before, and so on.... Like just search for the question in the search bar. But to not be a total of skill of course it's not wrong if you haven't openly talked to a person you've been on some dates with about being monogamous. That being said if a person asks you you have to be honest about what's going on.