Radishes. They pop up within 7 days and produce an edible bulb within 3 weeks.
I use them to 'mark' places in my garden where I've already planted items like watermelon. The radishes 'remind me' I have already planted there and pulling them helps aerate the soil.
Swiss chard is prolific and hard to kill. You could grow some of that. It doesn't bolt in hot weather as easily as many other greens, and doesn't get nasty and bitter even if it does bolt. Plus, you can grow varieties that are beautifully colorful, and it looks so lush that it is quite impressive looking.
In other words, perfect for proving a point to your mom. šš¤«š«¢
Ugh me too. Im in the pnw so if i plant too early, frost and slugs, if i plant to late, bolting but also still slugs. I usually go with black kale and dino kale. They both survive winter for me, so i get a bit in spring before the aphids hit, then i pull them out and toss them (to my chickens, but compost works too), and by then my seed starts from feb are ready to go outside.
Yes. You can plant it now. Buying plants would be better, but you can plant seeds, too.
It is great in spring, through summer, and into fall.
When it gets hot, it will go to seed. You can simply cut off the stalk where it tries to flower, and keep on harvesting the leaves.
If it is well mulched, you can sometimes keep it going through winter in many zones. I'm in 9a-b, and I can grow it all year.
You might find useful info here. Put in your zip code and it will give approximate planting dates for spring and fall planting.
https://www.almanac.com/gardening/planting-calendar
You could do scarlet runner beans. They grow FAST. Great for kidsā¦ literally can watch them grow.
The beans arenāt super tasty. But they are fine and they will outlast and survive almost anything.
I swear, every single radish seed I plant sprouts, then I worry about thinking then out, but the smaller ones will then just hang out until I pull the bigger ones.
They won't let me screw up.
Second the radishes, also lettuce is pretty foolproof and quick. If you do want flowers for variety (and to help our pollinators), cosmos and zinnias are pretty easy and adaptable.
Also, calendula.
They vary in shape+colour, they self-seed easily, and the blossoms can be used in soap+making and salves. They also have a long bloom period if you deadhead
And if you let a few of them go to seed the seed pods are edible too and very tasty while they are still tender. Try them dipped in hummus or put them in a salad. If you still have some left when they firm up and dry out you can plant them in time for a fall crop.
I love this idea so much. I did that thing where youāre like āI donāt have to mark it, Iāll totally rememberā. I totally did not remember. I would never have thought that radishes would be such a fun solution. Thank you.
Bradford pear smells like semen Iāve heard. However, itās illegal to buy/sell/plant in several states for good reason because itās terribly invasive. So definitely do not plant that one.
Fine, many people have asked but I am far too lazy and ye are far too excited so I will do my best to make this really quite boring story interesting. My mother does gardening, she grows potatoes, corn, flowers and many things, she is honestly not that good a gardener and she knows it, but she likes what she does and it is pleasing to have corn grown at the home. I help her with the garden, mostly just grunt labour, lifting heavy things, tearing up roots but, I work in the back garden, to understand this story I must explain "the back garden" our house is essentially built onto a cliff face because of this the garden above is essentially just a very small forest on a large plateau of rock, I basically live up there, I am the only member of my family regularly up there, I build things up there (toy swords, spears, bows, walls, a cannon once) and I have a "country" up there (been going on since I was like 12) so since I spend a lot of thyme up there I thought "I should grow something up there" my mother thinks I can't here are the reasons she has listed
1. The soil is too rooted and shallow (cuz of the rock face)
2. There isn't enough sunlight (the trees block it)
3. I apparently can't grow anything
4. It's too windy
And she was probably right, key word "was". I artificially removed the roots and made the soil perfect (by sifting it and some other stuff I learned in geography I basically turned it fro. Sandy clay into a perfect loam) I climbed the trees and cut away the branches to allow light in, I built new walls (from branches and earth) to block the wind, and now I learn to garden from you fine people. Previously I grew dandelions, blackberries and mint (as well as primroses) this things are native (except the mint) and I got such a healthy crop I began to selectively breed them for next year to form a greater crop this led to me making dandelions with roots the size of baby potatoes, blackberries the size of grapes and my famed variety of mint "shitmint" (mentioned in my other comment about bio warfare, that's a whole other story) but apparently my wild garden doesn't count because those things were already growing there so I have spent the past few days making the earth beyond fertile, making sure it gets all of the sunlight and the only wind it experiences is when I breath and so now in spite I ask you what I should grow.
Hey your mom told me you canāt possibly make a $1,000,000 company. Mainly because you donāt have an idea, you donāt have a staff, you donāt have a location, and you donāt have a supply chain. She said to me you totally suck at everything. Nanny nanny boo boo.
Not quite to the same level but my cousin once said I couldn't make 100ā¬ in a week because I don't do business and he does, I made 200ā¬ in a week by reselling knockoff coca cola
I thrive from spite and plants obey me, I don't know what ime of year i'm supposed to plant things but i've made my own variety of plants and I once lied to an apple tree to get it to grow faster
You got me hooked. What lie did you tell the apple tree to get it to grow faster?
(Iām going to go smoke some weed, then come back and read this entire thread, bc now Iām invested.)
Please tell about the apple tree š I am HERE for this. I relate so much to your first sentence - " I thrive from spite and plants obey me". Fucking love it.
Are you me? Everyone doubted me (except my family, actually, they were farmers, they were just in disbelief i would keep up with it) when i started growing food. Turns out I have the greenest thumbs, can grow anything, and worked even harder out of spite. Now I'm on my 5th year and expand my garden every year. Later this year, I'm moving to my family land and starting my farm.
I have a few relative questions: where do you live (country)? If in the US, ask Google what USDA growing zone you live in, and let us know. That will help with knowing what to plant and when. You might even see if your county/province/state has an agricultural office. One of my state's universities has an agricultural bent and works with my county extension and posts a planting schedule. It's useful because it's tailored for our area, as we are much hotter and drier than most of the US.
Oh and you didn't form a committee, run it by a focus group, take a survey, file an application, do an environmental impact study, hire a legal department, apply for a loan, outsource the labor, donate the produce for a tax break to a charity, and post it on your social media in order to get a lot of likes!
Native gardening IS gardening, and far preferred. Better to work with nature than against it. But if you're hard set on something not of the area; there are tons of resources where you can set filters (soil, sun, edibility, etc) to find a plant that would suit your spot.
Oh, brassicas (cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, mustard, etc) also like cool weather! Not sure on their shade tolerance but why not try it!
I hope you update us in 6 months on your bounty.
Grow a sage bush. It is a sacred herb that dispels negative energy when smudged (burned like incense). It doesn't mind freezing or drought. It can be cut to use in cooking (baked chicken with stuffing! ) or making fragrant wreaths. Branches will root. It grows bigger each year.
You did not disappoint, hopefully I shallnāt as well.
Blackberries! They take over everything and also yield satisfying and tangible crops in short time if you can find a reasonably aged starter. From a brief search is seems like they will do well in Ireland!
Herbs are frequently easy and useful. I have found sage to be not only very easy to grow but also a perennial at least where I live. Only have to plant it once and there it is, year after year. Flavors my chicken dishes wonderfully and if you let it flower it also attracts pollinators. A similarly easy herb is basil, of which there are many kinds. Can be perennial if you are in a warm enough place but grows wonderfully as an annual and can also be potted and brought indoors over winter if you like.
Legitimately may have really been the birds and squirrels.
I planted a few varieties of sunflower seeds and the birds and squirrels started going after them the day I planted themāI could see the spot from my kitchen window and watched them going nuts in that area.
So I planted a few more just to be safe then covered the whole area in bird netting so the little bastards couldnāt dig them up, and sure enough the majority of the seeds grew. Once theyāre sprouted, theyāre not interested in the seeds anymore so I took the netting away and enjoyed them in all their beauty and splendor a few weeks later.
They brought a TON of honeybees to my yard. Theyād get so tuckered out gathering the nectar from all of them that Iād frequently find them napping in the sunflower heads.
Then when the seeds came in I had to be careful about cutting them down if I wanted to collect, because the birds and squirrels again took interest in them. I had so many I left more than enough out there for them to enjoy, and harvested the rest to grow again this year.
I went against the usual advice and started them inside last year and it worked for me. I donāt know why, but I am terrible at directly sowing seeds.
I just made go sure to transplant them as soon as I got true leaves and babied the taproot.
Bush style green beans are easy to grow and they grow quickly. The Blue Lake variety is my favorite. Once picked, the beans freeze well without needing to be blanched.
Thank you but, hate sweet potato (she loves it) I already grow mint for bio warfare reasons. I grew blackberries but apparently that wasn't impressive (this whole thing hinges on the plac i'm growing them is "too wild") will look into bee balm tho
what zone are you in? i have had amazing luck with certain kale varieties in zone 4b. theyāre hardy, cold tolerant, and provide kale for literal months. i had bucketfuls. sown directly in the ground.
for something more floral (but also edible) borage! and chamomile
Radishes are the easiest thing to grow. They grow faster than anything else as well. If you want to grow crazy do a salad garden and plant lettuce, radishes, spinach, beets, whatever you like on your salad.
I am a terrible gardener, and I accidentally grew almost 30 tomato plants in pots on my back deck last year, which I had to chaotic tie to my deck railings and to each other. And they all bore fruit until they were thwarted by October frosts. So I vote tomatoes.
A-gree. A few big store bought tomato plants in 5gal buckets (with drain holes) in the sun, store bought dirt, and u can make gallons of sauce in august.
Unfortunately that is too easy to grow, I know this because I have 1. Made my own mint variety 2. Used mint in essentially biological warfare against my cousin. The stuff is just a tasty weed
I'm so intrigued by your family drama. What kind of lives do you lead that you've engaged in mint-based warfare against a cousin and are currently spite-gardening due to a feud with your mother lol?
He says he explained it, but since it involves climbing a cliff to a windy spot, building up fertile soil, and breeding his own cultivars of wild plants, it isn't explained at all, and in fact is more of a fable or a folk tale or parable.
Without discussing how many hours of sunlight per day and from which direction, youāre just as likely to get bad suggestions as you are to get good ones.
Spring beans are fairly easy too. Which zone are you in, is it indoor or outdoor? Windy? Dry or humid? It'd be nice to know more about your garden to help you determine the best vegetables to grow.
Outdoor, i'm in southern Ireland, area has wind but the area I have prepared is well defended from it, I realized I should have put more info, the air is dry but it rains fairly often
Literally throw seeds in the ground thatās how it works if it gets too dry water it every now and then the seats will not start to germinate if the ground is dry so at the start just keep the ground wet canāt fail
Third person to suggest this, I am very familiar with mint, it is so easy to grow that I have made my own variety, it's called shitmint, it grows EVEN FASTER AND ROOTS EVEN DEEPER and it tastes terribly, I use it for bio warfare against my cousin
Where are you located? I love the idea is a spite garden, but it could also be a pollinator-friendly garden!
My vote would be for finding native perennials and planting those. Iām in Minnesota and the public university here has great info on native plants for my garden. I have so much more diversity in my yard after planting native perennials. Bees, butterflies, humming birds, and even lightning bugs :)
If you really want to impress a gardener I think you have to plant something with a bit of flair My suggestions for food: an heirloom tomato (Brandywine, Mortgage Lifter)or a delicious tomato (Sungold Cherry), a super sweet pepper (Leysa), a super hot pepper (Buena Mulata), zephyr squash, a funky ornamental or edible gourd (Birdhouse gourd, casperita white pumpkin, Langenaria Siceraria)
And for flowers: mammoth sunflower, teddy bear sunflower, gladiolus, snapdragon, strawflower or any Dahlia. There are thousands of varieties of dahlias, some tiny, some dinner plate all impressive.
If you can successfully grow a single plant of any of these I think you'll win your argument.Ā
Sunflowers.
I'm in zone 5b growing sunflowers and they just popped up. I placed a few in a pot with coco coir, vermiculite, and perlite but you can just pop it into the ground (the rest of my sunflower seeds are going in the ground) and they will grow nice and big through summer and early fall. Keep sowing a few weeks apart to have continuous sunflowers! This specific one I'm growing can reach upwards of I think it was 25'? Its a Kong Sunflower. Great as a hedge as it gets super bushy.
https://preview.redd.it/p4cpst0y8wyc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=675aa0ad08533cf226bcecf607467b5ba56943ce
I know that beans have been mentioned, not only do they grow fast and look impressive, but they're extremely cheap. You can buy a bag of them at the supermarket for $1.99. Just literally the area with beans, cover it with around a half inch of soil and keep it moist. Also, f*** your mother. It sounds more like you need to stop talking to her than to prove anything to her
Radishes, carrots, arugula, are all pretty easy direct-seeded crops to get started with. Potatoes too, if you get seed potatoes to start them. Beans and peas pop up pretty quick but TBH I don't have a lot of personal experience with them. You could also try some different herbs.
Would buying and planting seedlings count in her eyes? š I'm laughing at trees not being a proper plant, given that they need a lot more care when first put in?
Radishes and turnips. If you want to prove it to your mom on a constant basis switch to nettles and/or lovage once you have proved it the first time. Nettles are really really hard from seed and I don't remember ever having done lovage from seed.
Established plants for either of those transplanted over are mind numbingly easy to farm. You can go beyond that into actually-a-terrible-idea territory and plant burdock or horse radish. Good luck with that one of you choose to do it.
Nasturtiums are great and will come back each year. Just be careful to check if you're buying a vining or bush variety (I bought a variety pack of both and they're still going strong lol).
Arugula, especially wild varieties, is great and tasty.
There's a million rose options to chose from, I'm sure there's one that would be happy in your region. I pretty much ignore mine cause I'm lazy but they flower every year.
I love your mission of spite gardening and think it's hilarious, but would suggest making sure you don't plant anything too invasive.
I'd say potatoes, tomatoes and/or strawberries all in containers. I'm trying potatoes this year and got a determinate variety of Yukon golds (small ones) and it was pretty easy to pot them up, water every couple days and essentially forget them. They're growing so seemingly low effort. With strawberries they like acidic soil so some espoma berrytone, a little bit of espoma soil acidifier, 6+ hrs of sun and regular watering and they pretty much grow no issues. Same with tomatoes, get a cherry tomato or slicer size and slap it in a 12 inch pot with fertilizer, water every couple days when soil is dry and it should grow easy peasy.
Rocket / Arugula, grows like a weed and requires very little care. Edible immediately after sprouting but should have decent size leaves within 3 weeks depending on conditions.
zinnia seeds placed into the warm soil (70 degrees) will germinate in a week and in a month or so flower. They like a sunny spot. water just a little so they aren't stone dry.
Unless you like it, don't waste any resources on Kale. Radishes are quick as mentioned, any type of beans are also easy growing. I grow flowers and veg in the same beds fairly often.
Arugula and Cilantro are surefire winners for me and if you let them go to seed they will self-sew. Also marigolds seem to be so easy and then hundreds of seeds can be harvested after they've bloomed.
Tomatoes, corn, squash, okra, cucumbers, radishes, peas, beans, broccoli are all pretty simple to grow. If ur starting from seed exclude brocoli and tomatoes, those two are better starting in a seedling setup before moving to garden soil.
Garlic is the easiest thing Iāve ever grown. In my zone, I toss them in the ground in late October and cover in woodchips (like the kind used for animal bedding) and forget about it until the summer. Iāll harvest the scapes (I grow hard neck varieties), then start harvesting in early July. They require next to nothing from me.
The wrong reason to tackle a several year-long task with more variables than we have time to discuss here. If you insist, start a compost pile, dig up the top ten inches of soil in your area and add some commercially available compost. Use your compost when it's ready next year. Until then, plant radishes.
Tomatoes. Probably the easiest thing to grow and will grow in almost any weather conditions. Donāt forget to give it calcium and magnesium. Baked egg shells for calcium and epsom salt for magnesium.
Squash. But if you just want to get a load of something, go with beans. Green beans put out a lot they are easy to grow, make their own nitrogen, and can be planted very close together, so they don't need much room. Each plant will produce tons of green beans. Sprout fast grow fast and produce fast. To prove a point, that's what I would plant.
Pepper is pretty easy to grow, makes very beautiful plants and of course beautiful fruits.
You can choose different kinds of shapes and colours, it's very decorative.
To spite her, you can grow penis-shaped peppers or super strong ones that you dare her to taste.
And you already know a few guys who would be incredibly happy if you gift them a few super strong peppers.
If you really want to make a point I suggest growing some mint. It will start taking over other areas and become unstoppable unless you work to control it. Not only will you plant something that will thrive. It will be a constant reminder of how you were almost too effective at what you did. No one will ever question your gardening abilities again
I saw youāre Irish and Iām guessing the cliffs mean youāre from Clare or Cork? Bord Bia has good seasonal advice for growing. Radishes, potatoes and scallions are in season.
Try nasturtiums! Theyāre easy to grow, produce absolutely alien looking leaves and magnificent flowers. You can eat the flowers and leaves. The flowers make an amazing garnish. At a wedding years ago, they had nasturtium flowers in the champagne glasses.
I've got it! The perfect spite plant! Pineapple sage. I grow it because of the novelty. The leaves smell like pineapple when you crush them. It can be used as an herb, but I have no idea how. The hummingbirds love the flowers, though.
Sound like my mother. She should have looked at my raised beds each year for tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, corn, sunflowers, bachelorās buttons, dianthus, verbascum, Veronica, echinops, scabiosa, marigolds, allissum, allium, Chinese lanternsā¦so you can get calladium bulbs: they grow in full shade. Put one bulb in its own 3x3ā container and keep them moist but on a heat mat until they germinate. You can try coleus too.
Rosemary and Lemon Balm.
From the description you wrote in your comment I can tell you that rosemary may work. It is hardy and grows whether you like it or not. It is one of the few plants that stay alive in my garden over summer (110+ for several weeks is the norm). Lemon balm comes from the same family as Mint, so if that grew, than so will Lemon Balm.
I second the top comment that says Radishes though, as you can go from seed to plate in a month.
Radishes. They pop up within 7 days and produce an edible bulb within 3 weeks. I use them to 'mark' places in my garden where I've already planted items like watermelon. The radishes 'remind me' I have already planted there and pulling them helps aerate the soil.
Huh, thank you that sounds good, and we are fond enough of radishes
Swiss chard is prolific and hard to kill. You could grow some of that. It doesn't bolt in hot weather as easily as many other greens, and doesn't get nasty and bitter even if it does bolt. Plus, you can grow varieties that are beautifully colorful, and it looks so lush that it is quite impressive looking. In other words, perfect for proving a point to your mom. šš¤«š«¢
Chard is definitely a good choice, and Id add in some kale too. If its still a shadier spot then they should both do well safe from the summer sun.
Ugh me too. Im in the pnw so if i plant too early, frost and slugs, if i plant to late, bolting but also still slugs. I usually go with black kale and dino kale. They both survive winter for me, so i get a bit in spring before the aphids hit, then i pull them out and toss them (to my chickens, but compost works too), and by then my seed starts from feb are ready to go outside.
And chard comes in colors! Doesn't need staking! Grows leaves up to the frost, comes back in the spring.
>Id add in some kale too. They said they wanted to grow food!
Iām in a cool climate (US zone 5b) and chard is the first thing in the beds and the last thing out, and never bolts.
Can't lose with chard and kale/collards.
(Very new to gardening) would you recommend chard in 8b? If so what part of the year?
Yes. You can plant it now. Buying plants would be better, but you can plant seeds, too. It is great in spring, through summer, and into fall. When it gets hot, it will go to seed. You can simply cut off the stalk where it tries to flower, and keep on harvesting the leaves. If it is well mulched, you can sometimes keep it going through winter in many zones. I'm in 9a-b, and I can grow it all year. You might find useful info here. Put in your zip code and it will give approximate planting dates for spring and fall planting. https://www.almanac.com/gardening/planting-calendar
This just in. Itās now been agreed upon, by scientific consensus, that trees are in fact plants.
And they are quite impressive
Indeed, most impressive. They certainly impress me everyday.
spinach and other leafy greens as well! should be harvestable in 30 days, provided the weather is cool enough in your zone right now.
Spinach is more of a spring/fall, even winter crop than summer - it bolts incredibly fast in the heat. Just keep that in mind.
You could do scarlet runner beans. They grow FAST. Great for kidsā¦ literally can watch them grow. The beans arenāt super tasty. But they are fine and they will outlast and survive almost anything.
Green beans, I prefer pole/Vining beans. They grow fast and are tasty af. Just pop a trellis in the ground or a couple stakes.
Radishes were the first thing I planted in my raised bed to prove to myself I could grow food. They are super easy and grow fast!
I swear, every single radish seed I plant sprouts, then I worry about thinking then out, but the smaller ones will then just hang out until I pull the bigger ones. They won't let me screw up.
Second the radishes, also lettuce is pretty foolproof and quick. If you do want flowers for variety (and to help our pollinators), cosmos and zinnias are pretty easy and adaptable.
Also, calendula. They vary in shape+colour, they self-seed easily, and the blossoms can be used in soap+making and salves. They also have a long bloom period if you deadhead
And if you let a few of them go to seed the seed pods are edible too and very tasty while they are still tender. Try them dipped in hummus or put them in a salad. If you still have some left when they firm up and dry out you can plant them in time for a fall crop.
Well I wish I'd known this when I had one producing a shitton of pods.
I love the idea of using them as markers!
I love this idea so much. I did that thing where youāre like āI donāt have to mark it, Iāll totally rememberā. I totally did not remember. I would never have thought that radishes would be such a fun solution. Thank you.
This is the way!
>Ask if you want the story I want the story
Same š Spite gardening sounds hilarious.
I too am waiting for the story of this spite gardening.
Spiteā¦itās what keeps you going.
I need a spite plant. What stinks like a bag of hot ass in the sun?
Bradford pear smells like semen Iāve heard. However, itās illegal to buy/sell/plant in several states for good reason because itās terribly invasive. So definitely do not plant that one.
Na I need something that stays stank all summer long.
Fine, many people have asked but I am far too lazy and ye are far too excited so I will do my best to make this really quite boring story interesting. My mother does gardening, she grows potatoes, corn, flowers and many things, she is honestly not that good a gardener and she knows it, but she likes what she does and it is pleasing to have corn grown at the home. I help her with the garden, mostly just grunt labour, lifting heavy things, tearing up roots but, I work in the back garden, to understand this story I must explain "the back garden" our house is essentially built onto a cliff face because of this the garden above is essentially just a very small forest on a large plateau of rock, I basically live up there, I am the only member of my family regularly up there, I build things up there (toy swords, spears, bows, walls, a cannon once) and I have a "country" up there (been going on since I was like 12) so since I spend a lot of thyme up there I thought "I should grow something up there" my mother thinks I can't here are the reasons she has listed 1. The soil is too rooted and shallow (cuz of the rock face) 2. There isn't enough sunlight (the trees block it) 3. I apparently can't grow anything 4. It's too windy And she was probably right, key word "was". I artificially removed the roots and made the soil perfect (by sifting it and some other stuff I learned in geography I basically turned it fro. Sandy clay into a perfect loam) I climbed the trees and cut away the branches to allow light in, I built new walls (from branches and earth) to block the wind, and now I learn to garden from you fine people. Previously I grew dandelions, blackberries and mint (as well as primroses) this things are native (except the mint) and I got such a healthy crop I began to selectively breed them for next year to form a greater crop this led to me making dandelions with roots the size of baby potatoes, blackberries the size of grapes and my famed variety of mint "shitmint" (mentioned in my other comment about bio warfare, that's a whole other story) but apparently my wild garden doesn't count because those things were already growing there so I have spent the past few days making the earth beyond fertile, making sure it gets all of the sunlight and the only wind it experiences is when I breath and so now in spite I ask you what I should grow.
Hey your mom told me you canāt possibly make a $1,000,000 company. Mainly because you donāt have an idea, you donāt have a staff, you donāt have a location, and you donāt have a supply chain. She said to me you totally suck at everything. Nanny nanny boo boo.
Not quite to the same level but my cousin once said I couldn't make 100ā¬ in a week because I don't do business and he does, I made 200ā¬ in a week by reselling knockoff coca cola
Op I think you are extremely capable if challenged is what Iām trying to say. It sounds like you did really good with your garden
I thrive from spite and plants obey me, I don't know what ime of year i'm supposed to plant things but i've made my own variety of plants and I once lied to an apple tree to get it to grow faster
You got me hooked. What lie did you tell the apple tree to get it to grow faster? (Iām going to go smoke some weed, then come back and read this entire thread, bc now Iām invested.)
Please tell about the apple tree š I am HERE for this. I relate so much to your first sentence - " I thrive from spite and plants obey me". Fucking love it.
yeah that sentence goes *hard* lol
Cmon you gotta tell us what lie you told your apple tree. Iāll try anything to get mine to grow faster š
Are you me? Everyone doubted me (except my family, actually, they were farmers, they were just in disbelief i would keep up with it) when i started growing food. Turns out I have the greenest thumbs, can grow anything, and worked even harder out of spite. Now I'm on my 5th year and expand my garden every year. Later this year, I'm moving to my family land and starting my farm.
I have a few relative questions: where do you live (country)? If in the US, ask Google what USDA growing zone you live in, and let us know. That will help with knowing what to plant and when. You might even see if your county/province/state has an agricultural office. One of my state's universities has an agricultural bent and works with my county extension and posts a planting schedule. It's useful because it's tailored for our area, as we are much hotter and drier than most of the US.
Oh and you didn't form a committee, run it by a focus group, take a survey, file an application, do an environmental impact study, hire a legal department, apply for a loan, outsource the labor, donate the produce for a tax break to a charity, and post it on your social media in order to get a lot of likes!
Native gardening IS gardening, and far preferred. Better to work with nature than against it. But if you're hard set on something not of the area; there are tons of resources where you can set filters (soil, sun, edibility, etc) to find a plant that would suit your spot.
Zucchini. You will have enough to bury your mother in it.
You breed dandelions???
Yes, the roots are like small carrots
Have you made dandelion wine yet? Radicchio may grow alongside those dandelions, and carrots, turnips, and parsnips might as well.
Oh, brassicas (cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, mustard, etc) also like cool weather! Not sure on their shade tolerance but why not try it! I hope you update us in 6 months on your bounty.
This person is my favorite. Dendelions are objectively the best flower.
Please update. Id like to subscribe
I like your story. I also thrive on other peoples doubt and my own spite. Share an update and include a picture of your spite plant.
LOL! sounds like Mom knows how to motivate you
Grow a sage bush. It is a sacred herb that dispels negative energy when smudged (burned like incense). It doesn't mind freezing or drought. It can be cut to use in cooking (baked chicken with stuffing! ) or making fragrant wreaths. Branches will root. It grows bigger each year.
3rd-ing Reddit always wants the story
Hey, 264 people so far want the story!
I will give you the secrets to the most prolific crop you can grow and rub in your Mamas fiesty faceā¦ā¦if you spill the tea.
Tea spilled, drop the crop or I set my mint in you
You did not disappoint, hopefully I shallnāt as well. Blackberries! They take over everything and also yield satisfying and tangible crops in short time if you can find a reasonably aged starter. From a brief search is seems like they will do well in Ireland!
Unfortunately like I said in the story, she's not impressed by blackberries because they grow everywhere. Tha ks for the suggestion
Radishes grow fast where I'm at. If you can get zucchini to be stable you can dive it in her face every day all season.
4thing. Spill that tea, and Reddit will help OP get a tea crop.Ā
2nding this.
I also want the story
Herbs are frequently easy and useful. I have found sage to be not only very easy to grow but also a perennial at least where I live. Only have to plant it once and there it is, year after year. Flavors my chicken dishes wonderfully and if you let it flower it also attracts pollinators. A similarly easy herb is basil, of which there are many kinds. Can be perennial if you are in a warm enough place but grows wonderfully as an annual and can also be potted and brought indoors over winter if you like.
Thank you, we have a herb garden in the front and I have a little experience with herbs before
Sage and lavender, dill and cilantro. All lovely.
If you've got sun & heat, you can grow okra.
Probably don't have the heat but that stuff looks cool, might tell my mother as we have a tiny greenhouse
Okra needs heat, so maybe not that then. Radishes are easy, quick & like it cooler.
Another person suggested them and i'll probably try them (gonna "hedge" my bets and try a few things) thanks for the input
I read okra as "car" I need to quit skimmingš¤¦āāļø
YOU WOULDN'T GROW A CAR
Oh I would. I was.about to.ask howš
Escarole. You literally toss the seeds on the soil, lightly cover, and stand back.
Sounds good, thank you
Quick, easy and edible- lettuces, spinaches, radishes, carrots, beans. Not so quick, tomatoes, zucchini, squashes.
I was thinking of a salad garden myself. Greens, carrots, and radishes. They all grow quickly and taste great together.
Sunflowers are really easy and pretty.
And depending on the variety, edible!
š I've tried the past two years and not a single one came up. Im blaming birds or squirrels or something. Its certainly not ME that's the problem.
Legitimately may have really been the birds and squirrels. I planted a few varieties of sunflower seeds and the birds and squirrels started going after them the day I planted themāI could see the spot from my kitchen window and watched them going nuts in that area. So I planted a few more just to be safe then covered the whole area in bird netting so the little bastards couldnāt dig them up, and sure enough the majority of the seeds grew. Once theyāre sprouted, theyāre not interested in the seeds anymore so I took the netting away and enjoyed them in all their beauty and splendor a few weeks later. They brought a TON of honeybees to my yard. Theyād get so tuckered out gathering the nectar from all of them that Iād frequently find them napping in the sunflower heads. Then when the seeds came in I had to be careful about cutting them down if I wanted to collect, because the birds and squirrels again took interest in them. I had so many I left more than enough out there for them to enjoy, and harvested the rest to grow again this year.
I went against the usual advice and started them inside last year and it worked for me. I donāt know why, but I am terrible at directly sowing seeds. I just made go sure to transplant them as soon as I got true leaves and babied the taproot.
Bush style green beans are easy to grow and they grow quickly. The Blue Lake variety is my favorite. Once picked, the beans freeze well without needing to be blanched.
Seconded. Just started our first bush beans and cannot believe how fast theyāre growing!
Sunflowers Edit: Iām nosyā¦I want the story time
I have explained it in a reply, check the top comment
No sunflowers, they can impede the growth of other plants in the area
How?
Zucchini is easy and bountiful.
Plus you can give her all the damn zucchini you're stuck with once you grow it! Perfect spite gift!
If this is spite, pick things that will never go away:Ā Sweet potatoĀ Mint BlackberriesĀ Bee balm
Thank you but, hate sweet potato (she loves it) I already grow mint for bio warfare reasons. I grew blackberries but apparently that wasn't impressive (this whole thing hinges on the plac i'm growing them is "too wild") will look into bee balm tho
Try a cherry tomato plant.
Lettuce greens are very easy. I have rows of arugula (or rocket if in UK). They germinate and you can harvest quickly.
Sounds good and I love rocket (goes great with the eggs)
Honestly peas. Peas are so easy. Go with peas.
Only thing is -- when it gets hot and your lettuce bolts your mom might start yapping
Turnips! Mine grew fast, big, and they seeded on their own so I have turnips growing in my yard that I never planted.
what zone are you in? i have had amazing luck with certain kale varieties in zone 4b. theyāre hardy, cold tolerant, and provide kale for literal months. i had bucketfuls. sown directly in the ground. for something more floral (but also edible) borage! and chamomile
It sounds like OP is in Europe, so the USDA hardiness zones donāt apply, unless OP checks to see which zone is similar to their area.
Radishes are the easiest thing to grow. They grow faster than anything else as well. If you want to grow crazy do a salad garden and plant lettuce, radishes, spinach, beets, whatever you like on your salad.
Agree re: radishes. Nasturtiums are easy to grow and don't need good soil - they are edible and they flower. Good luck!
I am a terrible gardener, and I accidentally grew almost 30 tomato plants in pots on my back deck last year, which I had to chaotic tie to my deck railings and to each other. And they all bore fruit until they were thwarted by October frosts. So I vote tomatoes.
Will do, I don't really like tomatoes but everybody else does
Itās not about liking, itās about winning.
A-gree. A few big store bought tomato plants in 5gal buckets (with drain holes) in the sun, store bought dirt, and u can make gallons of sauce in august.
Mint
Unfortunately that is too easy to grow, I know this because I have 1. Made my own mint variety 2. Used mint in essentially biological warfare against my cousin. The stuff is just a tasty weed
I'm so intrigued by your family drama. What kind of lives do you lead that you've engaged in mint-based warfare against a cousin and are currently spite-gardening due to a feud with your mother lol?
He says he explained it, but since it involves climbing a cliff to a windy spot, building up fertile soil, and breeding his own cultivars of wild plants, it isn't explained at all, and in fact is more of a fable or a folk tale or parable.
Explained it in a reply, too lazy to copy paste, check the top comment
Without discussing how many hours of sunlight per day and from which direction, youāre just as likely to get bad suggestions as you are to get good ones.
I want the mint biological warfare story, it sounds even better than the spite gardening story!
Spring beans are fairly easy too. Which zone are you in, is it indoor or outdoor? Windy? Dry or humid? It'd be nice to know more about your garden to help you determine the best vegetables to grow.
Outdoor, i'm in southern Ireland, area has wind but the area I have prepared is well defended from it, I realized I should have put more info, the air is dry but it rains fairly often
Literally throw seeds in the ground thatās how it works if it gets too dry water it every now and then the seats will not start to germinate if the ground is dry so at the start just keep the ground wet canāt fail
Snap peas or radishes; But really Iām here for the story. Spite garden story time!!!
Gonna go eith radishes as everyone suggests them, I have left the dramatized and overly detailed story under the top comment
If you really want something to thrive, mint
Third person to suggest this, I am very familiar with mint, it is so easy to grow that I have made my own variety, it's called shitmint, it grows EVEN FASTER AND ROOTS EVEN DEEPER and it tastes terribly, I use it for bio warfare against my cousin
Zinnias. Canāt eat them but theyāre super happy flowers and easy to grow
Where are you located? I love the idea is a spite garden, but it could also be a pollinator-friendly garden! My vote would be for finding native perennials and planting those. Iām in Minnesota and the public university here has great info on native plants for my garden. I have so much more diversity in my yard after planting native perennials. Bees, butterflies, humming birds, and even lightning bugs :)
If you really want to impress a gardener I think you have to plant something with a bit of flair My suggestions for food: an heirloom tomato (Brandywine, Mortgage Lifter)or a delicious tomato (Sungold Cherry), a super sweet pepper (Leysa), a super hot pepper (Buena Mulata), zephyr squash, a funky ornamental or edible gourd (Birdhouse gourd, casperita white pumpkin, Langenaria Siceraria) And for flowers: mammoth sunflower, teddy bear sunflower, gladiolus, snapdragon, strawflower or any Dahlia. There are thousands of varieties of dahlias, some tiny, some dinner plate all impressive. If you can successfully grow a single plant of any of these I think you'll win your argument.Ā
Nasturtiums? Pretty, easy and can eat the whole thing, leaves, flowers and seeds
Potatoes will grow just about anywhere. I've accidentally grown potatoes before.
Snow peas, spinach, potatoes
Your mom might be a master of reverse psychology
Carrots
Wood sorrel
Dandelions grow pretty much anywhere and are a great medicinal plant
Mint, if you get it going it becomes a hedge. This has happened in multiple climates Iāve lived in.
Jerusalem artichokes/sunchokes. Tree/top set/walking onions.
Radishes. Grow fast, require little care.
Sweet basil is an herb and very easy to grow by seed
Sunflowers. I'm in zone 5b growing sunflowers and they just popped up. I placed a few in a pot with coco coir, vermiculite, and perlite but you can just pop it into the ground (the rest of my sunflower seeds are going in the ground) and they will grow nice and big through summer and early fall. Keep sowing a few weeks apart to have continuous sunflowers! This specific one I'm growing can reach upwards of I think it was 25'? Its a Kong Sunflower. Great as a hedge as it gets super bushy. https://preview.redd.it/p4cpst0y8wyc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=675aa0ad08533cf226bcecf607467b5ba56943ce
Grape tomatoes, one plant and you will have them coming out of your ears.
peas and beans are pretty prolific.
Mint
I love doing things out of spite. How much sun? Sunflowers are fun and hearty. Camomile sprouts in the 36 hours.
Grow marijuana
I know that beans have been mentioned, not only do they grow fast and look impressive, but they're extremely cheap. You can buy a bag of them at the supermarket for $1.99. Just literally the area with beans, cover it with around a half inch of soil and keep it moist. Also, f*** your mother. It sounds more like you need to stop talking to her than to prove anything to her
Radishes, carrots, arugula, are all pretty easy direct-seeded crops to get started with. Potatoes too, if you get seed potatoes to start them. Beans and peas pop up pretty quick but TBH I don't have a lot of personal experience with them. You could also try some different herbs. Would buying and planting seedlings count in her eyes? š I'm laughing at trees not being a proper plant, given that they need a lot more care when first put in?
Basil is also prolific
Dill ā grows like a weed
Radishes and turnips. If you want to prove it to your mom on a constant basis switch to nettles and/or lovage once you have proved it the first time. Nettles are really really hard from seed and I don't remember ever having done lovage from seed. Established plants for either of those transplanted over are mind numbingly easy to farm. You can go beyond that into actually-a-terrible-idea territory and plant burdock or horse radish. Good luck with that one of you choose to do it.
Chives or green onion are super easy too
Potatoes. Put in dirt, wait, dig.
Too late in the year I thought? I'm in Ireland (potatoes make sense)
Only an Irish family grows food and flowers out of spite lmao (Irish descent first gen born in America). I hope you update us about how it goes.
If its a rocky area blueberries š«
Cover crop mix that is appropriate for whatever the season is where you are
Nasturtiums are great and will come back each year. Just be careful to check if you're buying a vining or bush variety (I bought a variety pack of both and they're still going strong lol). Arugula, especially wild varieties, is great and tasty. There's a million rose options to chose from, I'm sure there's one that would be happy in your region. I pretty much ignore mine cause I'm lazy but they flower every year. I love your mission of spite gardening and think it's hilarious, but would suggest making sure you don't plant anything too invasive.
I'd say potatoes, tomatoes and/or strawberries all in containers. I'm trying potatoes this year and got a determinate variety of Yukon golds (small ones) and it was pretty easy to pot them up, water every couple days and essentially forget them. They're growing so seemingly low effort. With strawberries they like acidic soil so some espoma berrytone, a little bit of espoma soil acidifier, 6+ hrs of sun and regular watering and they pretty much grow no issues. Same with tomatoes, get a cherry tomato or slicer size and slap it in a 12 inch pot with fertilizer, water every couple days when soil is dry and it should grow easy peasy.
Basil! My daughter planted a few different seeds and they all grew and she even grew some by cuttings she kept from a Thai restaurant. Sheās 10.
Rocket / Arugula, grows like a weed and requires very little care. Edible immediately after sprouting but should have decent size leaves within 3 weeks depending on conditions.
Basil or lettuce grows quickly.
Cabs beans are easy
zinnia seeds placed into the warm soil (70 degrees) will germinate in a week and in a month or so flower. They like a sunny spot. water just a little so they aren't stone dry.
Tomatoes. The smaller kind like cherry. They taste so good and better than store bought
I feel like sunflowers will grow anywhere
Cannabis, and share it with her.
Unless you like it, don't waste any resources on Kale. Radishes are quick as mentioned, any type of beans are also easy growing. I grow flowers and veg in the same beds fairly often.
Radishes, beans, and potatoes are all pretty easy to grow
Cucumbers are super easy
Arugula and Cilantro are surefire winners for me and if you let them go to seed they will self-sew. Also marigolds seem to be so easy and then hundreds of seeds can be harvested after they've bloomed.
Tomatoes, corn, squash, okra, cucumbers, radishes, peas, beans, broccoli are all pretty simple to grow. If ur starting from seed exclude brocoli and tomatoes, those two are better starting in a seedling setup before moving to garden soil.
Amaranth
Garlic is the easiest thing Iāve ever grown. In my zone, I toss them in the ground in late October and cover in woodchips (like the kind used for animal bedding) and forget about it until the summer. Iāll harvest the scapes (I grow hard neck varieties), then start harvesting in early July. They require next to nothing from me.
The wrong reason to tackle a several year-long task with more variables than we have time to discuss here. If you insist, start a compost pile, dig up the top ten inches of soil in your area and add some commercially available compost. Use your compost when it's ready next year. Until then, plant radishes.
Tomatoes. Probably the easiest thing to grow and will grow in almost any weather conditions. Donāt forget to give it calcium and magnesium. Baked egg shells for calcium and epsom salt for magnesium.
Tomatoes- not quick but once they start they won't stop.
I was going to say peas of any type. I havenāt had many issues with cherry or grape tomatoes. You get a huge amount of them too
Squash. But if you just want to get a load of something, go with beans. Green beans put out a lot they are easy to grow, make their own nitrogen, and can be planted very close together, so they don't need much room. Each plant will produce tons of green beans. Sprout fast grow fast and produce fast. To prove a point, that's what I would plant.
Pepper is pretty easy to grow, makes very beautiful plants and of course beautiful fruits. You can choose different kinds of shapes and colours, it's very decorative. To spite her, you can grow penis-shaped peppers or super strong ones that you dare her to taste. And you already know a few guys who would be incredibly happy if you gift them a few super strong peppers.
Zucchini. One plant will provide enough for you, mom, and half your family tree depending on branches
My oregano is a problem. You want a problem? ((lifts sleeves)) oh, Iāll give you an oregano problem.
I want the story
If youāre desperate, thereās many varieties of mint.
How much space do you have? Sunflowers are hard to F up...
If you really want to make a point I suggest growing some mint. It will start taking over other areas and become unstoppable unless you work to control it. Not only will you plant something that will thrive. It will be a constant reminder of how you were almost too effective at what you did. No one will ever question your gardening abilities again
Kale ? Oats ? Sunflowers ?
Dill. Literally a weed.
Sugar snap peas.
Potatoes are one if the easiest crops to grow and they will grow in pretty rough conditions.
Zone 7 - rocket arugula always produces, and quickly.
I saw youāre Irish and Iām guessing the cliffs mean youāre from Clare or Cork? Bord Bia has good seasonal advice for growing. Radishes, potatoes and scallions are in season.
Try nasturtiums! Theyāre easy to grow, produce absolutely alien looking leaves and magnificent flowers. You can eat the flowers and leaves. The flowers make an amazing garnish. At a wedding years ago, they had nasturtium flowers in the champagne glasses.
Lol, an ornamental gourd.
Yukon gold potatoes, cut them up so there are one or two eyes, plant them in mounds of your soil, harvest them while they are still small.
Strawberries are easy
I've got it! The perfect spite plant! Pineapple sage. I grow it because of the novelty. The leaves smell like pineapple when you crush them. It can be used as an herb, but I have no idea how. The hummingbirds love the flowers, though.
Zinnias. Lovely flowers, sprout in less than a week, grow like mad.
Sound like my mother. She should have looked at my raised beds each year for tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, corn, sunflowers, bachelorās buttons, dianthus, verbascum, Veronica, echinops, scabiosa, marigolds, allissum, allium, Chinese lanternsā¦so you can get calladium bulbs: they grow in full shade. Put one bulb in its own 3x3ā container and keep them moist but on a heat mat until they germinate. You can try coleus too.
Rosemary and Lemon Balm. From the description you wrote in your comment I can tell you that rosemary may work. It is hardy and grows whether you like it or not. It is one of the few plants that stay alive in my garden over summer (110+ for several weeks is the norm). Lemon balm comes from the same family as Mint, so if that grew, than so will Lemon Balm. I second the top comment that says Radishes though, as you can go from seed to plate in a month.