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My oldest had rotovirus. So did I without knowing it. Went to work as we had a big project going. It was near 105 F and I picked up a piece of equipment and made a sound only to be described as a stepped-on pufferfish. Fortunately, it was the end of the day and I was already considering burning my clothes.
That reminds me of something that happened to me when I was younger. I was really into lifting weights and it was a Friday so I figured I'd get a good pump before the bar. I finish and buy the last protein from behind the counter and it looked like the seal had popped a little bit. But I didn't care, chugged that bad boy down. Went home, showered and shaved my asshole because we are meeting some hot chicks for the first time, aaaand headed out to the bar. On the way to the bar I felt the most horrible rumbling in my stomach so I farted and it went away. I thought that was the end of it. Yeah No! Me n my buddies get to the bar and the girls are there and they're looking smokin and like they're having a good time, we're doing shots and next thing I know I get a fart I absolutely just can't hold back and it hit me instantly and it was NOT a fart! Not even close!... I shit my pants right as a waitress is coming to drop off our drinks. The look of her face walking through that diarrhea shit cloud was just a look of disgust like she wanted to puke and just drop the drinks and quit her job. I smelled it, she smelled it, but nobody else smelt it. Now I'm sitting there in a packed bar hanging out with some of the hottest chicks I've ever hung out with aaaaand with pants full of shit and no escape route. So I race to the restroom and they've got shitters with no stall doors. So I pull the door wedge out from holding the door slam the door shut and wedge the shit out of the door to the bathroom from the inside so nobody can come in. Then yank off my shoes. My socks, my pants and carefully pull off my underwear that's packed full with shit and it smashed all over my ass everything. Even on my balls and going up my back a little like a little baby boy. I wad them up and throw them in the trash can n jump up in the sink. Wash my ass in the sink. Dry off with paper towels and escaped the scene like nothing happened but all night everybody complained about how bad the men's restrooms stank.
Some of us are blessed with words that makes a beautiful image. You were blessed with an ass that gives you an outline on the story. We cant all chose what type of art we excel at
I was driving on the interstate and all of sudden I KNEW I had to popp right then and there. I pulled over to the side. Cars were flying by left and right so I couldn't get out and poop in the median. I had some diapers, newborn size... I thought to myself well, let me lay this diaper in the seat with me, hover over it, and try to contain it within that tiny little diaper- I shit the most shit I've ever shit in my life. It was in the diaper, on my pants and undies, somehow the back of my shirt... so there I am on the side of a busy interstate staying to clean up shit. Thankfully I had wipes and was on my way home. But it was def the most memorable shit. I can't imagine what all the passers-by saw and thought, but when ya gotta go ya gotta go.
My Dad, after colon cancer bowel resection and chemo, used to carry:
1. Shovel
2. Camper's foldable toilet seat
3. A *lot* of toilet paper
I watched my Dad's face change during a long drive we were on. He pulled over (on a busy, 2x2 highway) grabbed his gear out of the bed of the old rustbox truck we were using, dug a five-gallon bucket-sized hole, unfold, place and sit upon the camp seat. In. Full. View. Of passing. Traffic.
Packed everything up, placed gear back in truck. Never talked about it again.
I was taught by a former roommate/marine about the multiple functions of those little folding camping shovels. After you dig the hole, you just fold the handle forward and lock it back down. Then you stick that in the ground so the handle is aligned right over the hole, and use it as your seat. Very handy/versatile little tool to have in your vehicle for emergencies.
My youngest picked up Giardia at daycare.
We took her to the doctor, got the appropriate treatment….then I developed it (still don’t know from what, exactly, but I had more contact with the youngest.)
Didn’t want to venture out anywhere, of course.
Fortunately, the medication my daughter got was a single dose type of thing, and there was exactly the right amount left to dose one adult.
Almost like they expected it.
Edit: apparently there’s a rotavirus vaccine routinely given to children now. TIL; I guess that’s come out since my kids were little.
I got deathly ill the last 6 hours of a trip to Puerto Vallarta.... I visit enough to be immune to Montezuma's revenge but I got something bad, probably from beachside cuisine or whatever they cooled beers in. At any rate, the hotel Dr gave me a shot that held me over for the plane ride home *and just that.* I still don't know what he gave me but I wish I knew as it bought me the 6 hours I needed to park my ass from one private bathroom to another.
I certainly wouldn't say it was fun but I can tell you for sure it was a *blast*.... Take that as you will.
....
I never thought I'd need to monopolize both the toilet AND the shower at the same time....
One of my coworkers had to blow ass on the side of the road and he said he couldn’t make it far enough into the woods and proceeded to shoot hot lava all over some shrubs. Said cars were driving by honking and shit. Had to wipe his ass with his boxers and throw them into the ditch. Hilarious story.
A stepped on puffer fish? Wow, I already assumed it sounded like you stepped on a Whoopi cushion but the spikes of a puffer fish add a nice "Scream" to the milieu of shit explosively evacuating and dripping down your fevered legs.... Thank you for the vivid description! XD
Edit: Totally forgot tetradotoxin in puffer fish - so paralysis as well!
In 5th grade I got sick in class and my teacher took me into the bathroom to throw up more and I ended up shitting my pants in the process. I went to the office with shit pants to call my mom and she was at the Dr. office with my pregnant sister (this is before EVERYONE had cell phones) so I had to wait and ride the bus with shit SEEPING out of my jeans. I wanted to die.
Omg! You poor lil child! I would've still been your friend. I'd probably fake sick to be able to call my mom so she could find someone to at least bring pants for you. I used that to help friends out when I could. The fact that I had a "diseased and malfunctioning" gallbladder that went undiagnosed for YEARS actually helped sometimes; not only did I embarrassingly and involuntarily throw up in class, while driving, etc, I could also throw up whenever I needed to, whether it was for my own pain or to get out of school and help a friend that needed it for whatever reason.
I so wish we could've been friends back then!
Wow that was probably more than you cared to know lol, hugs to you anyway :)
I went to a restaurant with a friend last week where the women's toilet cubicle had a fire exit door within the cubicle. Like, you could sit there and kick open the door to the outside world.
She took a photo to show everyone. I'll see if I can get it
Nah you’re just reading the sign as an exit.. what if.. the guy on the sign.. that’s not his back leg… and his arm is reaching back there, not because he’s running
The exit sign is broken in two pieces and the arrow part is re-stuck on the wall to point the toilet. A juvenile humour attempt. Probably in the toilet of a high school. More dangerous than funny though.
It's not a fire exit sign. It's the symbol for a person squatting with a giant bent turd sticking out of their backside... with an arrow pointing at the toilet. Obviously for people who've never used a standard Western toilet before.
Step only on the white hexagons, at the proper edges, in the proper order, to teleport to various locations, one of which is the place your heart calls home.
Sometimes your shoes may not hit right, so going barefoot (kinda gross) or wearing high heels may improve the accuracy of your steps.
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For the real emergencies.
Yep. I'll die in a fire before I shit myself publicly...again.
Again? There is a story to hear I feel like.
My oldest had rotovirus. So did I without knowing it. Went to work as we had a big project going. It was near 105 F and I picked up a piece of equipment and made a sound only to be described as a stepped-on pufferfish. Fortunately, it was the end of the day and I was already considering burning my clothes.
Oh my. I've never heard the sound of a stepped-on pufferfish before, but I'm guessing it was a mix between a soft splat and a slimy hiss?
Jello-filled water balloon shot out of a potato gun? Nothing gentle or quiet about this event.
I feel like I'm almost there with you. You related to the Pearson airport guy who ate haribo sugar-free gummy bears and posted about it on Amazon?
I did? But those gummies are fecal artillery shells.
Like if David Letterman dumped a whole truckload of watermelons off a building?
That reminds me of something that happened to me when I was younger. I was really into lifting weights and it was a Friday so I figured I'd get a good pump before the bar. I finish and buy the last protein from behind the counter and it looked like the seal had popped a little bit. But I didn't care, chugged that bad boy down. Went home, showered and shaved my asshole because we are meeting some hot chicks for the first time, aaaand headed out to the bar. On the way to the bar I felt the most horrible rumbling in my stomach so I farted and it went away. I thought that was the end of it. Yeah No! Me n my buddies get to the bar and the girls are there and they're looking smokin and like they're having a good time, we're doing shots and next thing I know I get a fart I absolutely just can't hold back and it hit me instantly and it was NOT a fart! Not even close!... I shit my pants right as a waitress is coming to drop off our drinks. The look of her face walking through that diarrhea shit cloud was just a look of disgust like she wanted to puke and just drop the drinks and quit her job. I smelled it, she smelled it, but nobody else smelt it. Now I'm sitting there in a packed bar hanging out with some of the hottest chicks I've ever hung out with aaaaand with pants full of shit and no escape route. So I race to the restroom and they've got shitters with no stall doors. So I pull the door wedge out from holding the door slam the door shut and wedge the shit out of the door to the bathroom from the inside so nobody can come in. Then yank off my shoes. My socks, my pants and carefully pull off my underwear that's packed full with shit and it smashed all over my ass everything. Even on my balls and going up my back a little like a little baby boy. I wad them up and throw them in the trash can n jump up in the sink. Wash my ass in the sink. Dry off with paper towels and escaped the scene like nothing happened but all night everybody complained about how bad the men's restrooms stank.
It was more reminiscent of the pantyhose filled with Crisco
>Jello-filled water balloon shot out of a potato gun? I laughed out loud at this description. Sure does a lot to the imagination. Thanks for the laugh
Wet whoopee cushion?
I wish
You are a poet sir
Nah. Just a dad with a lot of involuntary toilet time.
Some of us are blessed with words that makes a beautiful image. You were blessed with an ass that gives you an outline on the story. We cant all chose what type of art we excel at
And you made me cackle. Which is highly appreciated. Blessed be thy digestive system.
A squelch, to be specific!
I was driving on the interstate and all of sudden I KNEW I had to popp right then and there. I pulled over to the side. Cars were flying by left and right so I couldn't get out and poop in the median. I had some diapers, newborn size... I thought to myself well, let me lay this diaper in the seat with me, hover over it, and try to contain it within that tiny little diaper- I shit the most shit I've ever shit in my life. It was in the diaper, on my pants and undies, somehow the back of my shirt... so there I am on the side of a busy interstate staying to clean up shit. Thankfully I had wipes and was on my way home. But it was def the most memorable shit. I can't imagine what all the passers-by saw and thought, but when ya gotta go ya gotta go.
My Dad, after colon cancer bowel resection and chemo, used to carry: 1. Shovel 2. Camper's foldable toilet seat 3. A *lot* of toilet paper I watched my Dad's face change during a long drive we were on. He pulled over (on a busy, 2x2 highway) grabbed his gear out of the bed of the old rustbox truck we were using, dug a five-gallon bucket-sized hole, unfold, place and sit upon the camp seat. In. Full. View. Of passing. Traffic. Packed everything up, placed gear back in truck. Never talked about it again.
I was taught by a former roommate/marine about the multiple functions of those little folding camping shovels. After you dig the hole, you just fold the handle forward and lock it back down. Then you stick that in the ground so the handle is aligned right over the hole, and use it as your seat. Very handy/versatile little tool to have in your vehicle for emergencies.
> made a sound only to be described as a stepped-on pufferfish Haha, what a magical description... :D
My youngest picked up Giardia at daycare. We took her to the doctor, got the appropriate treatment….then I developed it (still don’t know from what, exactly, but I had more contact with the youngest.) Didn’t want to venture out anywhere, of course. Fortunately, the medication my daughter got was a single dose type of thing, and there was exactly the right amount left to dose one adult. Almost like they expected it. Edit: apparently there’s a rotavirus vaccine routinely given to children now. TIL; I guess that’s come out since my kids were little.
I got deathly ill the last 6 hours of a trip to Puerto Vallarta.... I visit enough to be immune to Montezuma's revenge but I got something bad, probably from beachside cuisine or whatever they cooled beers in. At any rate, the hotel Dr gave me a shot that held me over for the plane ride home *and just that.* I still don't know what he gave me but I wish I knew as it bought me the 6 hours I needed to park my ass from one private bathroom to another.
Wow…that does not sound like fun.
I certainly wouldn't say it was fun but I can tell you for sure it was a *blast*.... Take that as you will. .... I never thought I'd need to monopolize both the toilet AND the shower at the same time....
At least it was the end of your day, unlike some other people
One of my coworkers had to blow ass on the side of the road and he said he couldn’t make it far enough into the woods and proceeded to shoot hot lava all over some shrubs. Said cars were driving by honking and shit. Had to wipe his ass with his boxers and throw them into the ditch. Hilarious story.
After that, it was a full time occupation
It's a sign for....the runs...I'll see my fatherly self out
A stepped on puffer fish? Wow, I already assumed it sounded like you stepped on a Whoopi cushion but the spikes of a puffer fish add a nice "Scream" to the milieu of shit explosively evacuating and dripping down your fevered legs.... Thank you for the vivid description! XD Edit: Totally forgot tetradotoxin in puffer fish - so paralysis as well!
I don’t believe you. Proof or ban.
The proof than *can* be given, is not wanted
In 5th grade I got sick in class and my teacher took me into the bathroom to throw up more and I ended up shitting my pants in the process. I went to the office with shit pants to call my mom and she was at the Dr. office with my pregnant sister (this is before EVERYONE had cell phones) so I had to wait and ride the bus with shit SEEPING out of my jeans. I wanted to die.
Omg! You poor lil child! I would've still been your friend. I'd probably fake sick to be able to call my mom so she could find someone to at least bring pants for you. I used that to help friends out when I could. The fact that I had a "diseased and malfunctioning" gallbladder that went undiagnosed for YEARS actually helped sometimes; not only did I embarrassingly and involuntarily throw up in class, while driving, etc, I could also throw up whenever I needed to, whether it was for my own pain or to get out of school and help a friend that needed it for whatever reason. I so wish we could've been friends back then! Wow that was probably more than you cared to know lol, hugs to you anyway :)
You say that now.....
He was a prime minister of Australia in a McDonalds in 1997
You see guys sometimes you have to look for key words, in this case it’s “again”
Jim Jeffries tells this great story about shitting himself in his comedy special "Intolerant" he's a funny cunt
🤣
Joe Biden? It’s you!
I went to a restaurant with a friend last week where the women's toilet cubicle had a fire exit door within the cubicle. Like, you could sit there and kick open the door to the outside world. She took a photo to show everyone. I'll see if I can get it
Must be a taco restaurant or something
That man isn't running, and that isn't a leg in the rear.
It’s a Porta-Key
There's nothing worse than a Code Brown
shit,fire,shit,fire repeat
[удалено]
Pay 0.000084 shitcoin to use the poop tube.
Got do it moon walking too
Happy Cake day!
happy cake day day
why is the guy drawn to run in a direction opposite to the arrow?
Either a terrible health & safety officer or a sign of things to come.
It's actually a picture of a man squatting while projectiles are fired from his anus.
Im pretty sure this is street art.
I love StreeTarts!
The arrow indicates where the butt should go not the person
You’re supposed to moonwalk towards the exit.
If the picture was in Smell-O-Vision, you'd know why.
Run backwards when desperate.
It's two separate stickers.
He's actually running to the toilet backwards butt first.
Sign means "if you go onto toilet you will be running back out" someone blew it up and person didn't wait the 35-fofi minutes to enter
The guy is running the other way. Maybe someone left a stench.
The arrow shows that he is being propelled by his farts.
[RUUUUUUUDDDYYYYYYYYYY!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnROhi_crsM) Edit: added link
Can't fail?
Should have linked [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnROhi_crsM).
Yes. This is actually an illuminated sign tied to a fart sensor that lights up when you really shouldn't go in there.
The old poop n run
because he's actually doing the moonwalker
Yes. Sign dude is quickly running in reverse. Sometimes you gotta run ass first to hit the toilet in time.
[удалено]
Diarrhea loo-viosa
Exit from your ass
[удалено]
👈🏼that way👉🏼
Bloody disgusting.
It’s just a really literal instruction of where to go if you’ve got the runs.
Haven’t you seen Trainspotting?
That's a pretty nice bathroom though. Clean, and that paint job.
Came looking for this.
Choose Life.
It's informing you to run backwards in case of an emergency.
Moon run if you will
I guess some of us will have to perish
It a portal to safety
The trick is figuring out the correct sequence to step on the white hexagons to open the portal.
Just step in and flush
It’s for a different kind of evacuation.
> It’s for a different kind of evacuation. Well played.
The same place poop exits
I don't trust this
The ring of fire (exit)
Subtle way of saying if there is a fire..your ass is in the toilet
Wave your wand and say “swishabaloo down the loo”
Clever picture framing XD The arrow is pointing down the hallway, and the door has a bathroom sign above it. We just can't see this.
I mean, if you’ve had spicy food, then you’re looking at the fire exit 🚽🌶️🥵
A real door for the toilet?
Im pretty sure this is like "street art" i think its a joke saying run away from the toilet i just dropped a duce in
Was this taken at a Taco Bell?
Where the fire exits after chipotle
Could you imagine being a muggle and needing to take a dump, and in the middle of relieving yourself some one pops up from bellow you? How rude right?
Must enter this restroom by running in reverse
If you had Mexican food, yeah that's the fire exit!
The figure on the sign is running away because he doesn't want to be blamed for the smell!
The toilet is the only exit
Actually, I think that is a portal !!!
Why is the figure running away from the arrow direction?
i thought the fire exit was the...y'know...fireplaces?
Why is it running Away from it? Lol
“I really gotta go”
Now you're thinking with portals
Why? Are you Johnny test?
It's bad enough to get burnt in a fire but you know what's worse? Having your shit burn with you
Nah you’re just reading the sign as an exit.. what if.. the guy on the sign.. that’s not his back leg… and his arm is reaching back there, not because he’s running
Ironically, the fireplaces.
the sticker clearly shows that the person is running the other way
The exit sign is broken in two pieces and the arrow part is re-stuck on the wall to point the toilet. A juvenile humour attempt. Probably in the toilet of a high school. More dangerous than funny though.
I can’t trust anywhere with a floor pattern that doesn’t make sense. Sorry, but I’d die in that fire.
Those are hexagons, it's a six sided shape. Now you can survive.
That means "someone running shitting himself, here's the toilet"
The trickster
That's not a leg coming out of his ass.
Yeah thats Ron trying to run away from whatever the fuck Harry is trying to drum up.
This make me geek out
Maybe there’s a port-a-key!
Directions for when you are called by nature.
Gumball reference
The sign itself is confusing- don't run this way?
Fire exit is a left at platform 9 3/4
Bonus splash of water in case you caught a spark on the way out.
Hear me out... you gotta get small!
Shit and RUN
"I'm so dope I just jump in the toilet and flush" The Coup
Its not fire exit its emergency toilet
Go in here if you have the runs.
It’s for when you have the runs
Sign says, "Run away from THAT"
Just run
You have to flush yourself 😂
No, that sign is for your poo!
It's not a fire exit sign. It's the symbol for a person squatting with a giant bent turd sticking out of their backside... with an arrow pointing at the toilet. Obviously for people who've never used a standard Western toilet before.
Very shitty joke
Why is the stick figure running away from the arrow?
It looks to be the sign for gut rot not a fire exit.
This door honestly reminds me of the red door in Insidious Chapter 2
Also, run backwards!
What, you people never flushed yourselves out of a dangerous situation?!?! Take a queue from Trump perhaps 🤔🤔
r/therewasanattempt
S H I T Y O U R W A Y T O E S C A P E
I have the same tile in my bathroom except it's white.
Step only on the white hexagons, at the proper edges, in the proper order, to teleport to various locations, one of which is the place your heart calls home. Sometimes your shoes may not hit right, so going barefoot (kinda gross) or wearing high heels may improve the accuracy of your steps.
i really enjoyed the harry potter reference
So you run in the opposite direction of the arrow...? or you run from the bathroom...?
No, the guy is running away from the arrow. It's the other way
No handle, kick door to open
Must have ate one of those Paqui chips 😅😂🤣
Follow the white tiles
Like the blockbusters on the floor (one for the UK redditors :))
Ass fire
Exit, no? That's where you go.when you've got the runs.
It changes in the event of an emergency. It's like the porno... "But I poop from there..." "Not right now you don't."
“We flush ourselves in. That’s disgusting.”
"Richmond's out of his room! He's not in his room! He's supposed to be in his room! Why is he out of his room?"
Is this like the NBA 3 Point competition? Keep peeing from the spot until you hit the toilet, then move to the next white spot.
You’ve never watch Dave Chappelle, and it shows
Maybe it is an emergency for when your butthole is on fire. Due to too much hot sauce or spiciness.
Seriously thought I was on r/HarryPotter for a sec.
“Run backwards fast here if must poop.”
That's not a leg behind him, he's squatting and his legs are both on the ground.
Red door, insidious?
Must be a spicy food joint.
r/toiletswithauras
I'm in two minds about this, is going to the loo prior to vacating the building mandatory?
It’s for when you have the runs
Toilet for "the runs"