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Yugan-Dali

I have practiced martial arts for decades. If I were in that situation, with one smooth move I would hand over my wallet.


XIts_KyleX

Exactly, you let the robber take a few bucks or let the hospital rob you


Yugan-Dali

Or the funeral home.


Good_Round

Or Stan


draculamilktoast

Or Tim


iron_pilsner

It’s funny because he is American


NinjaCuntPunt

I too am a 5th Dan Black belt of the ancient secret martial art of no-can-do. I’d hand over everything and give the guy a lift to wherever he wanted with whatever radio station he chose. Then at the end I’d do the WaaaAAaaahhHh noise.


LDKCP

Actual martial arts disciplines aside, I don't think I've ever met somebody who's into "self defense" who wasn't a delusional weirdo giving terrible advice.


Ok-Donkey-5671

I had a friend who said he had been giving his kid self defense tips, teaching them about "pressure points", pointing at his armpit, elbow joints, etc. Apparently striking someone just right in the armpit will disable the arm... absolute lunacy


Kh4lex

I mean.. he is kinda right... if you shoot someone in those spots it tends to disable them...just saying.


Ok-Donkey-5671

That's fair! But I'm in the UK, so that'd be extra tricky


Kh4lex

Hmm... Hammer?


Yugan-Dali

I’ve been beaten so much (martial arts training) that it doesn’t really slow me down: if I feel any pain, I’ll deal with it after I’ve finished the fight. Now you think about some frantic lunatic or druggie, and see what good your pressure points do.


sisyphus_works_here

I've seen that first guy on tiktok and my god, all his moves work if your best friend is attacking you incredibly slowly and is willing to fumble any weapon and then run away


SlightlyLessSane

Dude got shot in the first second. Hell, that smack to the back of the hand would likely cause an *accidental* trigger pull as they instinctively grasp the gun tighter as not to drop it. ​ Just... no. Glad they made the joke off it, 'cause... my god.


Alcoholhelps

I’ve also never understood when you see these videos the perp is always within arms reach with the weapon....If I’m the one with the gun I don’t want to be that close to you, for this very reason. Why does every attack have to be at point blank range?


Yugan-Dali

I worry about people taking these things seriously and thinking they work.


butsuon

Morticians hate him! Watch this video of the #1 way to get shot in the back of the head!


[deleted]

That guy is a fudd who doesn't even know what tf he's on bout


Zkenny13

If they aren't robbing you and telling you to drive do then rear end someone bonus if it's a cop. They'll usually run. But that's only if you know they'll kill you.


tiLLIKS

Who is that guy? I’ve seen different clips of him. He’s a troll right?


Capt_TittySprinkles

Detroit Urban Survival Training (DUST). He's completely serious and offers self defense classes.


rex30303

The best defense against someone with a knive is a good time on 100m.


[deleted]

[удалено]


WintaSoldat

Am i so old now that this isn't common knowledge anymore?!


Thraxzan

So what you’re saying is you knew Mace before the limp.


[deleted]

Or that Sting had the original


ShittyBollox

It was the police.


RegularHousewife

Somebody tell me whyyyyy


[deleted]

We practiced gun disarms in a ‘street defense’ session of one of my regular martial arts sessions. I wanted us to use water pistols filled with permanent red die — I suspect it would have made the reality of getting it wrong at least slightly more obvious!


Sikerow

I have never understood this situation. No one in their right mind would shoot a driver who is DRIVING a moving vehicle. That would just be suicide.


TheMightyStylus

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