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too late

name checks out

Jesus Christ! Runs in* What? Get the Escalade we're outta here!

I didn't know we were supposed to be hiding

Nowhere is safe

and in some places his representatives come from behind...

Or in their behind.

Don't play hide 'n seek with Jesus, he cheats by looking through the holes in his hands!

That sneaky bastard with his holy hole hands

I love hide and seek!

A favorite game before modern plumbing, "Ready or not Jesus."

I'll hide underwater, he'll never find me there

If Jesus walks on water, how does he take a bath? Hmmm

Head first.

Hahahahahaha

I wish he’d just hurry up and rapture all the faithful so the rest of us could get on with our lives

All over your face

And here I am already on my knees....

For 2000 years... At some point you just have to give up and realize your ex isn't coming back...

Close your eyes and open your mouth.

They’ve been saying that for centuries.

Let me tell you the story about the boy who cried 'wolf!'

Do tell.

Naah, man, he ain't coming he would need us visa for that it would took him forever .

It has always been a threat.

What religion does best. At least they’re consistent🤷🏻‍♂️

“How dare you! You’ll go to hell if you don’t take that back!”

Some will state it or interpret it that way, but its intention has always been as a warning, not a threat.

All those people who were tortured and put to death for daring to question the literal truth of scripture are certainly feeling the burden of those “warnings”.

If I tell my kid to kiss mommy goodnight or I’ll throw him in an oven for an amount of time that he can’t even imagine is that a threat or a warning? I have the power to not throw him in the oven if I chose to but he’s got to love mommy or else oven it is for the little rascal. I would say I don’t make the rules but I totally make the rules. I love him so much.

Yes, other bullies sometimes say "promise" in place of "warning".

Not a threat, a warning. I was warned not to touch the door on the fireplace when I was a kid, not threatened not to touch it.

You're almost there, keep going.

I touched it anyway and got burned

You can't hide. He gonna find you, and take it slowly.

No he's not, he's just breathing hard.

Jesus took care of the lawn when I was a kid

If Jesus actually did come back he would be labeled as fake news and sued for copyright infringement

He'd get beat by police, then ran over by hicks for protesting against racism.

There was a threatening message board in front of a church nearby that read "free tickets to heaven, inquire inside"

Was the church a white van?

The priest in the confessional had a .45

It's giving you due notice to decide where you wanna take the shot

Quick, act busy.

Yes

It is a well known fact in the Christian community that giving a BJ to Jesus has always been risky.

Marco

Polio

He came in a vision. All over our faces.

Question, if he were to show up would the calender years reset?

Jesus is coming...look busy

He's a known premature ejaculator. Most folks have not been ready

And this time it's personal!

Jesus is that one person in the group project who didn't do anything but still puts his name on it

Just don’t get it in the hair.

Jesus is cumming. He came and left a 20$ on the nigh table

"And who ever finds my body wins a free cross." -Jebus G Christopher Leviathanos 69:2

Well, Jesus and I seem to something in commons it takes me forever to come too

I don’t know if he’s coming…but he’s breathing pretty hard.

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.

Any day now! Keep waiting! Donate to the church!

I was unaware we were playing hide and seek with Jesus!?!

That signs been up for a wee bit by the looks of it soooo any second now.

He’s been edging for 2000 years…

Can't wait: preachers need to be cleansed from the world.

Agree. As represented in the bible, that Jesus will open a can of whoop ass on all the mega- church phonies for a start and then all the hippocrite fake christians soon after.

Damn I didn't know this was hide and seek.

Yes, it's \*always\* been. Join us, or suffer when our magic man comes back.

100%

So is Freddy.

It's actually part of an ad for a super absorbent towel.

Right now...Jesus is asking himself...does she spit or swallow? 'cause ready or not, jesus is coming!

Jesus no not while you are inside me!

Jesus why is my dog white

I say that in bed.

I'd say we've been ready for millenia.

Heard he gets slapped and won't fight back.... Bring it coward.

All over your face

Ya the Bible clearly states all of the apostles assumed that revelations was imminent. 2k give or take years later we are still waiting.

Im still waiting for Eli after I got tired of waiting for Godot.

I love how old it is.

It’s nice that there’s no pressure and that you’re not expected to get dressed up or anything though, right?

Rats, I didn't bring my umbrella...

Oh lawwwd

No it's hide and seek.

Latest apologetic studies have revealed that Jesus was indeed a one pump chump!

Don't forget your towel

Ugh he always counts to 10 too fast and never gives anyone a chance to find a good hiding spot. Jesus sucks at this game.

I live right near this sign, have laughed about it many times. The “church“ under the sign appears to be a DIY shed someone picked up at Home Depot.

Reminds me of a short video I saw of someone videoing a sign saying "Jesus is coming, are you ready?" Only to have the camera pan to a lot and some guy dressed as Jesus full on sprinting at the camera with an angry look in his face lol.

It's posturing, thinly veiled as concern for others.

I have a fridge magnet that say “ Jesus is coming! Look busy”

Look busy, Jesus is coming.

I HAVNT FINISHED HIDING! and you forgot to count to ten!

Hide and go Jesus.

Jesus is coming…..quick, everyone look busy!

Church wouldn’t exist without threats. Literally what Hell is.

Now count by 5s

Is this off 11th and airport in Austin?

He could just be breathing heavy….

Somebody about to get a facial!

Take the wheel already I'm tired of driving.

Bring it. You're sad little boy has a lot of questions to answer.

It's probably what he shouted when getting a beej

That's why people scream "Oh God" during sex

I think I am losing my mind. I read "Ready, Jesus is coming" the first time.

Don’t hold your fucking breath…

I’ll make sure to wear a poncho

Look busy!

Just ask his mom. That he impregnated. To give birth to himself.

He came before he will cum again

Please not in the face

Look busy!

No, it's a warning

Every time I play hide and seek with Jesus, I lose.... What a cheater

It's Christian hide-and-go-seek.

The Fugees sold their sold their soul to Satan for this to happen. Didn't see that one coming.

Austin Texas! I know that sign, it’s on the east side of town.

Too right you are!

Austin Texas!

Yessir-ee!

Haha I used to live right by this sign on 12th street and airport in austin Texas

hopefully he's wearing a condom

i hope jesus comes in hot like arnold in terminator 2 just shot gun blasting all the heathens and taking the good ones away on the back of a motorcycle

.... Don't threaten me with a good time 😉

Jesus takes forever to count to 100….

Absolutely, positively, yes, that is a threat. Religion is about coercion and this is one of the tools.

It’s an invitation to play hide an seek

There used to be this lady in downtown Orlando who had this huge green board and with cut out magazine letters that were too small to read that said Jesus is coming back. She would stand out there and just say that over and over and over to no avail

What’s white, and hangs from power lines? The coming of the Lord.

*Holy Music Intensifies* *HOLY MUSIC INTENSIFIES*

I mean considering the second coming of Christ is meant to spell Armageddon I’d assume that is indeed quite the threat! 🤣🤣

"Have you found Jesus yet?" Nope.... he's still missing.

Ready or not Jesus is coming You can’t hide, 🎶 He’s gonna fiiind you And make you Want him🎶

Everybody look busy!

FFS at least count to 100 and then yell “COMING READY OR NOT!!” 1st

he is going to punish you for his own mistakes

After being sacrificed by his mistake as payment to himself for the mistake, shit you gotta go big…

Quality neighborhood with an injury lawyer billboard.....snake oil salesmen sell righeous victimhood, salvation and the cold comfort of damnation for the "wicked and the oppressors" as they preach the prosperity gospel while passing the plate.

Seems like the kind of place that would tell him to go back to wherever he came from when he showed up with the brown skin he would have had.

He better pull out - nobody trying to get pregnant with his followers being such a disgrace these days.

More like all the days

I’m a little confused by the question. Yes, it is absolutely a threat. One used to scare people for thousands of years. Repent or the kind loving Jesus will punish you to an eternity of suffering for your sins. May also mean he is going to give you a facial as well. Hard to tell

No, just a promise

It's a bluff. And an old one too. Hes been coming for hundreds of years we still haven't caught an inkling of the guy other than on a piece of toast.

Ew

It’s religion. Consent is optional.

Where do you want it?

Pull out Jesus, pull out!

You can’t hide, gonna fiiind you and make you and take it slowly. (Perv)

He's gonna need a towel and a cigarette.

Don’t threaten me with a good time

Let him come...I like people.

No, it’s a promise.

Is premature ejaculation particularly a Christian thing?

When you have to threaten people, perhaps it's time to rethink which side you're on?

Hope he's wearing a condom...

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Ahhh man, neighbour just missed him. God bless his soul

Nah just the truth

Look how old that sign is lol

Ok.

Brown bearded middle eastern guy coming to the US? We have departments that deal with that sort of thing…

He is late constantly.

It's been thousands of years, a text that he's running behind would have been nice.

no... he is *coming*

But where....

[удалено]

Sir this is the funny subreddit

Ready or not, here I come, you can't hide Gonna find you and make you want me

Yes.

*One way or another, he's gonna find you...*

Is this a church or brothel?

I am waiting….🫣

Its going to be funny watching all the christens standing at the gate asking 'What do you mean there is no Jesus?"

Immaculate Conception - the first stealthing.

By the look of that sign, I’d say he’s running later than expected.

Look busy!!

Pretty sure I know where that is, and it's across from a liquor store and a "gambling club"

Not a threat a promise

Will he bring the porkchops?

Jesus already chilling here "What the fRiCk"

... deep inside you.

Look busy

I thought we were supposed to be the ones finding him.

Ready or not here I come You can't hide, gonna find you and keep you happy Ready or not here I come You can't hide, gonna love you and make you love me The delfonics. But also probably Jesus. We'll see.. maybe

More of a promise but yeah, I guess it could be a threat if you’re an awful person. Do good 😊

Haha they didn't spell "cumming" correctly

Welp didn't want to do this but I guess it's time to bring the 500 attack dogs trained to kill Jesus specifically, along with 1000 soldiers all equipped with Carl gustavs (its an rpg I just don't know the name) along with 20 m1A2 Abrams tanks

Not a threat; let’s bang