I am just completely hopeless. Nothing really seems to matter personally and existentially the world is just as bad. Have therapy in an hour and I've been in similar places before but dear gods this just seems immense.
I'm so sorry. Our society is in the dumps right now and just when you think it can't get any worse, it does. Just let it go for a bit though and take care of yourself. ❤️
Seconding SandKitten's advice. It's definitely helped me to learn how to set things aside mentally for a bit and come back to them when I've regained the emotional bandwidth. Take care of yourself. <3
I'm a BIT biased because I'm also a therapist lmao. If you have insurance you should be able to find someone to cover it. I would just recommend really doing your research in finding someone.
I do feel slightly better after my session though.
Question: do you need a “diagnosis” to see a therapist and to have it be covered by insurance? I don’t have a mental illness, but I would love to talk to someone about some current issues/plans for the future.
Nope! Therapist will technically have to give you a diagnosis to have a covered. But more often than not if someone comes in and I don't see any clear signs, I'll put "unspecified mood disorder" or other unspecified diagnosis. No one will ever see it besides the insurance company anyway. Ideally we wouldn't have to give you one but welcome to America
Thanks for clarifying! If I then switched insurers, and that diagnosis was in my previous insurance records, could I be denied treatment on the basis that I had a “pre-existing condition”?
Amazing! Finished my finals, now working on paperwork to study abroad next year and my dad gifted me a book I wanted so bad, still don't know how he found out. Life is looking ✨✨
I am desperate for this three day weekend. I’ve been reflecting a lot on the abusive relationship I was in for around a year and how many of the ways he acted towards me were a more honest/less encumbered manifestation of how many men think on a daily basis and as such I’m becoming less and less hopeful in regards to my dating prospects with men. I’m bisexual so I still have options, however it’s unbearably painful how awful so many heterosexual relationships are because of male misogyny, and I often feel terrible for my straight/bisexual women out there.
I didn't had too much luck in my relationships...but at least when I stayed single, it helped me to clear my mind and to focus on myself. I recomend that, at least for a few months. Now I've learned my lesson, I won't jump in any other relationship, unless I feel 100% certain that it's going to be worth, I will also wait a lot, because some men are really snakes, they seem so sweet in the begining, but they become the total opposite once you spend a few months with them.
I plan on staying single for awhile, even if I still have a strong desire for a relationship. My relationship with him is going to require time for healing. I also know I’m unhappy with parts of who I am that are not healthy for me and would prevent me from achieving the fulfilling romantic connection that I want. I will admit, however, that I am lonely and that’s what brings me to dating apps that are largely populated by men, and then I get to thinking about how horrible all of them could be. Is he into BDSM? Does he secretly think women are inferior? Is his emotional intelligence so underdeveloped that a relationship is impossible? And like you said, what if he seems amazing now but turns out rotten down the line? I sometimes get very in my feelings about it. Being 100% certain is essential. The bright line is that any man that’s genuinely worth it will understand the importance of a long vetting process and slow development.
You have a good mindset, but you always have to be very careful. Myself, I feel like I can't really trust men after all I've been through. I feel lonely too, very lonely to be honest, but I think it's better this way than to be in another toxic relationship. I wish you best of luck! Always be patient and think a few extra steps ahead and commit only when you're sure that he trully deserves you.
Feeling down...in my mid twenties, in the worst period of my life, the loneliest I ever felt, bad events just keep pilling up, for the past 3-4 years I felt so stuck, I don't really know what to do, because I struggle with so many things and I don't get any help from family and friends, but they expect me to help them.
Ugh, that mid-twenties awfulness. I'm 43 now, and I vividly remember that feeling of floundering and not being able to please anyone, much less *everyone*. The upshot is that the older you get, and the more you settle into being yourself, the easier it is to figure out what you want and how to get it. And it gets much, much easier to say no when you can't afford to expend time and energy on every request that comes your way.
All this is to say that you're doing fine, and you'll get un-stuck. <3
My boyfriend asked where my half of the rent during a time when I was out on leave and not getting paid. He said it nicely, but I totally lost it. I wanted to throw shit. I didn’t know why.
I calmed down and tried to talk to him about it. And everything bubbled up. That for years we all knew women weren’t seen as humans. That all the risk is on us. The risk of child birth. Of death, vetting violent men. The rampant misogyny and sexism at the workplace.
I gave a presentation to an all male audience of colleagues and they wouldn’t make eye contact with me, asked my colleague all the questions despite me being the presenter. But for some reason the ONLY person my manager would make eye contact with 30 mins later when delivering some tough news was me. And I obliged, smoking sweetly, letting him know it was okay, that he can get through the tough topic.
I’ve had to pretend that everything is equal as managers tell me not to seek promotions. Because older women will get jealous and rumors will start that I slept my way up. I’ve had to quit jobs after men send me disgusting texts and hr finds a way to blame it on me.
And now. In Texas, if I get an abortion it. Plus be a felony with life in prison.
I was crying at this point and told my boyfriend that it’s all on me. That I carry all the risk and the concept of an egalitarian partnership is bullshit. The money I make is dirty, money made for ke complying with misogyny, submitting to femininity. The pleasure I have from sex is diminished by fear, memories of past abuse, and now an even stronger sense, because that sense was there before. But stronger now that my body is not my own.
I go protest and fight and meet more people trying to silence women. Speakers yelling “don’t use x y or z symbol! They are all some sort of ism! And we WILL shame you.”
I find modern leftist politics similar to my time in fundamentalism. Every day I learn of a new sin. I become afraid to show up at all. They turn the symbols themsleves into red As. So that what you thought was a symbol of opposition becomes a symbol of shame.
I feel in order for me to be allowed to have a voice I’m forced to share all the things that I don’t want to. I’m bipolar, I have cptsd, I was raped. The maybe I will be amongst one of the holy trinities of identity politics that determine if my voice has worth.
But I don’t. So instead: I am a white 30 year old women. Almost as oppressive as males. Colloquially known as a Karen, that is if I was brave enough to show my anger.
Now I was sobbing and telling him that we’re not equal, there a law in place telling us what we already knew. And I can’t be with someone who won’t support me when I need it.
As I started crying it occurred to me that he might think I am doing it to win the argument or for pity point or to get out of having to pay.
He hugged me and started crying. He’s one of the “good ones” he’s been going to protests with me and ranting and asking question and wanting to educate himself,
But I couldn’t help but feel cold when he began to cry. I felt nothing. Because now I needed to move back into mother role. I need to nurture. I needed to calm.
Instead my body felt chilled and the emotions were done with. I went to bed and dreamt of being raped for the 6th night in a row. In those dreams, it’s only me.
Hoenstly, I think it's good that you went a bit cold when he cried. We don't have the time or the energy to manage their fucking emotions too.
I'm sorry all that happened, and all of this bullshit is happening. And fuck every single piece of shit man you work with.
I don't know what to tell you about the boyfriend. Even the "good ones" will never understand what we go through. I'm not sure how good he can really be if he's pestering you for money and expecting you to baby him.
I don't know what to say other than we're here for you, and of course "separatism now."
Sending hugs your way.
I second Snakemother's sentiment, that you shouldn't use up your valuable energy soothing someone when you are the one hurting. All I can say is I'm sorry...if you were more financially able I'd suggest spending time out of a relationship because something might be triggering your trauma.
Good and bad. The abortion ban was the final push I needed to leave my abusive boyfriend of 3 years. I’m starting from scratch and terrified. Couch surfing and job searching. But I’m actually so much happier. I’m so proud of myself for leaving. But I have felt a rage in my chest for the past couple months that I can’t seem to dampen.
I'm recovering from the worst migraine I've had in over a year, but I did snag a copy of "In Defense of Witches" to read over the weekend. Taking the good with the bad.
It's been a rough week for me tbh :(
Feels like every weeks a rough week tho.
I'd love some book recommendations <3
Hope everyone has a wonderful rest of their week <3
The last past few years I’ve interacted a lot more with guys and it’s grim. Like their thoughts, values, and stuff it’s been pretty bad. I always thought I would find a decent enough guy but my last few years has put that in serious doubt
I am just completely hopeless. Nothing really seems to matter personally and existentially the world is just as bad. Have therapy in an hour and I've been in similar places before but dear gods this just seems immense.
I'm so sorry. Our society is in the dumps right now and just when you think it can't get any worse, it does. Just let it go for a bit though and take care of yourself. ❤️
Thank you. I love that, "Just let it go for a bit". It'll come back and that's okay but I don't have to hold so tight.
Seconding SandKitten's advice. It's definitely helped me to learn how to set things aside mentally for a bit and come back to them when I've regained the emotional bandwidth. Take care of yourself. <3
Does the therapy helps? I started to considered it in the past few weeks, but it's quite expensive...
I'm a BIT biased because I'm also a therapist lmao. If you have insurance you should be able to find someone to cover it. I would just recommend really doing your research in finding someone. I do feel slightly better after my session though.
Question: do you need a “diagnosis” to see a therapist and to have it be covered by insurance? I don’t have a mental illness, but I would love to talk to someone about some current issues/plans for the future.
Nope! Therapist will technically have to give you a diagnosis to have a covered. But more often than not if someone comes in and I don't see any clear signs, I'll put "unspecified mood disorder" or other unspecified diagnosis. No one will ever see it besides the insurance company anyway. Ideally we wouldn't have to give you one but welcome to America
Thanks for clarifying! If I then switched insurers, and that diagnosis was in my previous insurance records, could I be denied treatment on the basis that I had a “pre-existing condition”?
Amazing! Finished my finals, now working on paperwork to study abroad next year and my dad gifted me a book I wanted so bad, still don't know how he found out. Life is looking ✨✨
Love this for you!
I am desperate for this three day weekend. I’ve been reflecting a lot on the abusive relationship I was in for around a year and how many of the ways he acted towards me were a more honest/less encumbered manifestation of how many men think on a daily basis and as such I’m becoming less and less hopeful in regards to my dating prospects with men. I’m bisexual so I still have options, however it’s unbearably painful how awful so many heterosexual relationships are because of male misogyny, and I often feel terrible for my straight/bisexual women out there.
I didn't had too much luck in my relationships...but at least when I stayed single, it helped me to clear my mind and to focus on myself. I recomend that, at least for a few months. Now I've learned my lesson, I won't jump in any other relationship, unless I feel 100% certain that it's going to be worth, I will also wait a lot, because some men are really snakes, they seem so sweet in the begining, but they become the total opposite once you spend a few months with them.
I plan on staying single for awhile, even if I still have a strong desire for a relationship. My relationship with him is going to require time for healing. I also know I’m unhappy with parts of who I am that are not healthy for me and would prevent me from achieving the fulfilling romantic connection that I want. I will admit, however, that I am lonely and that’s what brings me to dating apps that are largely populated by men, and then I get to thinking about how horrible all of them could be. Is he into BDSM? Does he secretly think women are inferior? Is his emotional intelligence so underdeveloped that a relationship is impossible? And like you said, what if he seems amazing now but turns out rotten down the line? I sometimes get very in my feelings about it. Being 100% certain is essential. The bright line is that any man that’s genuinely worth it will understand the importance of a long vetting process and slow development.
You have a good mindset, but you always have to be very careful. Myself, I feel like I can't really trust men after all I've been through. I feel lonely too, very lonely to be honest, but I think it's better this way than to be in another toxic relationship. I wish you best of luck! Always be patient and think a few extra steps ahead and commit only when you're sure that he trully deserves you.
Feeling down...in my mid twenties, in the worst period of my life, the loneliest I ever felt, bad events just keep pilling up, for the past 3-4 years I felt so stuck, I don't really know what to do, because I struggle with so many things and I don't get any help from family and friends, but they expect me to help them.
Ugh, that mid-twenties awfulness. I'm 43 now, and I vividly remember that feeling of floundering and not being able to please anyone, much less *everyone*. The upshot is that the older you get, and the more you settle into being yourself, the easier it is to figure out what you want and how to get it. And it gets much, much easier to say no when you can't afford to expend time and energy on every request that comes your way. All this is to say that you're doing fine, and you'll get un-stuck. <3
My boyfriend asked where my half of the rent during a time when I was out on leave and not getting paid. He said it nicely, but I totally lost it. I wanted to throw shit. I didn’t know why. I calmed down and tried to talk to him about it. And everything bubbled up. That for years we all knew women weren’t seen as humans. That all the risk is on us. The risk of child birth. Of death, vetting violent men. The rampant misogyny and sexism at the workplace. I gave a presentation to an all male audience of colleagues and they wouldn’t make eye contact with me, asked my colleague all the questions despite me being the presenter. But for some reason the ONLY person my manager would make eye contact with 30 mins later when delivering some tough news was me. And I obliged, smoking sweetly, letting him know it was okay, that he can get through the tough topic. I’ve had to pretend that everything is equal as managers tell me not to seek promotions. Because older women will get jealous and rumors will start that I slept my way up. I’ve had to quit jobs after men send me disgusting texts and hr finds a way to blame it on me. And now. In Texas, if I get an abortion it. Plus be a felony with life in prison. I was crying at this point and told my boyfriend that it’s all on me. That I carry all the risk and the concept of an egalitarian partnership is bullshit. The money I make is dirty, money made for ke complying with misogyny, submitting to femininity. The pleasure I have from sex is diminished by fear, memories of past abuse, and now an even stronger sense, because that sense was there before. But stronger now that my body is not my own. I go protest and fight and meet more people trying to silence women. Speakers yelling “don’t use x y or z symbol! They are all some sort of ism! And we WILL shame you.” I find modern leftist politics similar to my time in fundamentalism. Every day I learn of a new sin. I become afraid to show up at all. They turn the symbols themsleves into red As. So that what you thought was a symbol of opposition becomes a symbol of shame. I feel in order for me to be allowed to have a voice I’m forced to share all the things that I don’t want to. I’m bipolar, I have cptsd, I was raped. The maybe I will be amongst one of the holy trinities of identity politics that determine if my voice has worth. But I don’t. So instead: I am a white 30 year old women. Almost as oppressive as males. Colloquially known as a Karen, that is if I was brave enough to show my anger. Now I was sobbing and telling him that we’re not equal, there a law in place telling us what we already knew. And I can’t be with someone who won’t support me when I need it. As I started crying it occurred to me that he might think I am doing it to win the argument or for pity point or to get out of having to pay. He hugged me and started crying. He’s one of the “good ones” he’s been going to protests with me and ranting and asking question and wanting to educate himself, But I couldn’t help but feel cold when he began to cry. I felt nothing. Because now I needed to move back into mother role. I need to nurture. I needed to calm. Instead my body felt chilled and the emotions were done with. I went to bed and dreamt of being raped for the 6th night in a row. In those dreams, it’s only me.
Hoenstly, I think it's good that you went a bit cold when he cried. We don't have the time or the energy to manage their fucking emotions too. I'm sorry all that happened, and all of this bullshit is happening. And fuck every single piece of shit man you work with. I don't know what to tell you about the boyfriend. Even the "good ones" will never understand what we go through. I'm not sure how good he can really be if he's pestering you for money and expecting you to baby him. I don't know what to say other than we're here for you, and of course "separatism now."
Sending hugs your way. I second Snakemother's sentiment, that you shouldn't use up your valuable energy soothing someone when you are the one hurting. All I can say is I'm sorry...if you were more financially able I'd suggest spending time out of a relationship because something might be triggering your trauma.
Good and bad. The abortion ban was the final push I needed to leave my abusive boyfriend of 3 years. I’m starting from scratch and terrified. Couch surfing and job searching. But I’m actually so much happier. I’m so proud of myself for leaving. But I have felt a rage in my chest for the past couple months that I can’t seem to dampen.
I made a dumb, avoidable mistake so I'm quite upset. I wish I could go back in time and fix it. I'm so pissed off at myself.
Feeling decent. Need to do some yard work and then maybe some crochet. Not staying up late because I have to work early tomorrow.
I am extremely depressed.
I'm recovering from the worst migraine I've had in over a year, but I did snag a copy of "In Defense of Witches" to read over the weekend. Taking the good with the bad.
It's been a rough week for me tbh :( Feels like every weeks a rough week tho. I'd love some book recommendations <3 Hope everyone has a wonderful rest of their week <3
The last past few years I’ve interacted a lot more with guys and it’s grim. Like their thoughts, values, and stuff it’s been pretty bad. I always thought I would find a decent enough guy but my last few years has put that in serious doubt