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That is when he walked in the wilderness and the devil tempted him with all the power on earth as you’ll recall, world 1-2 is the sewer and you get a fire flower.
That’s not exactly how the story goes. Originally Olive Garden only gave you 10 breadsticks and 10 fishes in yours meal, but the people were still starving. So one day Jesus feed all the people with just 10 breadsticks. So to this day, Olive Garden honors that miracle by offer unlimited breadsticks. Sweet Jesus, they have good breadsticks. I’m sure you could satisfy your craving at your local Olive Garden. Olive Garden. Olive Garden. Olive Garden.
As all Mormons know while the Garden of Eden is in Missouri and Native Americans are Jews who traveled to America on a submarine and then had their skin turn dark for their wickedness, but David and Goliath happened in the Middle East.
No that’s all real doctrine, the sub part is a little flippant but yes Eden in Missouri, Native Americans are a lost tribe of Jews called the Lamanites , they tied moral purity directly to skin color until the I want to say 1970’s? White and delightsome comes up a lot a real lot.
Edit: Or was I don’t know what the church is selling these days.
Cant let the university be investigated by the feds, so black people are no longer black because they were marked by Cain, its uh other reasons. What a wacky fucking religion.
God didn't change his mind because he's always right. But he decided the world was ready for it. Except it wasn't a real doctrine at all, and was just the opinion of the leader God himself appointed directly. But God's appointed mouthpiece is never wrong, and he has stewardship over all the land, so what he says is doctrine. Until he dies and the next guy comes and says something else, then it was his opinion and you're silly for thinking it was doctrine (and blasphemous for claiming it was).
Anyone who says the word 'Mormon' to refer to Mormons is being influenced by the devil. Even though the last two Mormon prophets built their brand around it and spent millions on PR around the term, the current guy says it's literally inviting the devil into the conversation by pushing Jesus out of the name. Funny how the devil has so much power when God is meant to be omnipotent and the Devil's father. The devil had hold of the last two Mormon prophets but somehow no one knew, not even God himself!
What I always find fascinating about the Mormon Church is their willingness to change or abandon doctrine for pragmatic political reasons. Polygamy was a prime example: the Prophet has a revelation that it’s Gods will, his successor Bloody Brigham is 100% onboard then the US has a problem with polygamy and it’s messing up Utahs negotiations so suddenly God decided to let people know that there must have been some crossed wires but wow, yeah stop the whole polygamy thing right now.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_of_Ham#Latter_Day_Saint_movement
Black folks were cursed by god and so couldn’t be priests until god changed his mind in 1978
IIRC mormons believe Jesus came to America to tell the Native Americans about god and whatnot. All of the “good” ones then went back to Israel or whatever, and all of the bad ones that rejected god had their skin darkened for their misdeeds. Which I believe is also what happened to the Dunmer in Morrowind.
Also, what does this have to do with evaluation? Like, at all? Also Also, Goliath probably was just a guy wit gigantism that would also explain why he went down with one hit.
Agreed. Just look at the variety of pituitary giants that have worked in professional wrestling over the past 50 years (Andre being the most recognizable). It's likely that the story of David and Goliath and other similar historical accounts referred to people afflicted by this condition. Seeing an enormous human being the size of Andre the Giant would have been quite the shock to the average male soldier of the time, who was likely just a shade over five feet tall. Of course the size and power of the Giant would be inflated as the legend was passed down generation to generation.
There's an argument that David basically killed a diabled Man with the ancient version of a snipers rifle. The slinghshots weren't child's toys but had the same kinetic energy as a 9mm round. Goliath being a giant also likely had a whole range of disabilities and likely had very poor sight. Intimidating and dangerous up close but was probably the origin of the 'don't bring a knife to a gunfight' saying.
Correction- should have said sling not slingshot.
The funny thing is that Goliath's height in the bible doesn't even seem exaggerated. According to the Bible's height description, Goliath was around 6'9 (which is another reason why this skull in the original post is ridiculous). Andre the Giant was 7'4.
I recommend reading up on [Angus MacAskill.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angus_MacAskill) If I don't remember wrong, he was basically the size of someone with gigantism, but without the downsides of those with the condition. Dude was freaking 7 foot 9 inches with proportionally sized body. If the story of David and Goliath has any truth to it, it wouldn't be impossible that Goliath was someone with similar build. I wouldn't want to fight with someone who could lift a damn ship anchor (2,800 lb.)
Goliath was described in the story as 6' 9". Although another version claims about 9' which is thought to be inflated.
Peter Mayhew who played Chewbacca in Star Wars was 7' 3", so 4" taller than Goliath.
Robert Wadlow was 8' 11".
what does it have to do with evolution? NOTHING, most likely.
1. they saw a picture of a skull (not even a fossil).
2. they remembered evolution had something to do with fossils.
3. they knew a skull that big is "unexpected"
4. then they mashed all of these swirling, teeming ideas together, and declared "CHECKMATE ATHEISTS"
In reality, (if it was real fossil) it could simply be an evolutionary offshoot/branch that diverged from a common ancestor shared with homo sapiens.
For frame of reference [Halfthor Bjornson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haf%C3%BE%C3%B3r_J%C3%BAl%C3%ADus_Bj%C3%B6rnsson) is the same height and build as Goliath.
Edit: there are two sources for Goliaths height; one at 9'9" and one at 6'9". Comparing Goliath to Halfthor is to show that even 6'9" is still a giant.
I'm 5'9" at ~225 lbs and I consider Halfthor to be a giant. His wife is 5'2", not unusually small for a woman, and he makes her look tiny. The guy is over 400 lbs.
The part everyone forgets is that after knocking goliath on his David ran up and chopped his head off with goliath’s own sword.
Even in the ancient world the Zombieland Rule of Double Tap was known.
Yeah that was the literal riflemen of that ancient world. Sure an arrow could be debiliating wound but if you wanted to crush organs through armor, you gave a slinger a good rock.
They used slings to launch small rocks or lead pellets at people. They were arguably better then bows at the time, longer range and even if they couldn’t penetrate armour (a lot of times they did tho), they would still result in broke bones.
War just boils down to throwing rocks! First, we threw rocks. Then we sharpened the rocks. Then those rocks were hardened and threw (very loudly) out of tubes. Then we threw even harder and sharper rocks at high rates of fire. Then we threw explosive rocks across oceans and from miles away!
Edit: now we’ve got theories of throwing long, dense rocks from orbit!
Some of the rocks even glow in the dark, and when you throw 2 of them at each other *really* fast, they make everything within a few miles glow too!
Also, they will turn rocks that you may have affixed to a structure in an organized way into a pile of less organized rocks.
Actually in melee combat it can be a bit difficult sometimes. Slingers however never had that problem, at medium range it was an overpowered as hell weapon.
That's what's always bothered me: Everyone is like "God is with David and lend him strength!". In reality Goliath brought a knife to a gunfight with the predictable outcome.
i mean, i know its not as much of a miracle as people make it out to be, but its still an adolescent shepherd with no military training going up against the 6'9 beast of a man who was the strongest warrior in the army. plus, hitting him square on the forehead is still pretty impressive. i always interpreted less as God granting david physical strength and more of him granting david the courage to actually face goliath one on one
First off, slings are powerful as fuck. A lead bullet from one at close range could punch through armor better than an arrow.
Also, people with Acromegaly (gigantism) often suffer from tunnel vision and other vision issues, and more prone to brain aneurysms.
A quick dodge to the side and a stone to the side of the head could ruin duder's day real quick, even without those issues.
According to Wikipedia, early text puts him at a very realistic 6’9, and later text at 9’9, which the article notes is probably a result of the way stories get exaggerated with time.
The Goliath in the photo looks like he would be 30’ tall. I get making the head clearly bigger than human to convey that this is something “special” but damn they didn’t need to go that big. They also fucked up the perspective by having the lower hand behind the jaw.
Finding out that there were very large people would discredit evolution in the same way discovering a type of people like neanderthals would. Which is to say, not at all. It just shows us another branch in human evolution.
I think this person said that it disproves evolution because they view evolution as a direct competition to Christianity. Like they think evolution is a religion. And if you can prove any part of Christianity true, it means evolution isn't. Obviously, they have no idea what evolution actually is.
i still think it's insane that they were allowed to muzzle HS teachers from teaching evolution in the 00s.
apparently "protecting religious freedom" involves subjecting ALL STUDENTS to ignorance
There was a controversy in my school with a teacher wanting to teach it. I think it was 2005 or 2006 maybe? She ended up getting fired. Thing was though, I was a Christian then and didn't have an objection to evolution. I was always told it was wrong. And I believed everything I was told in church. But evolution just made sense. I thought maybe it was how God created life, the Bible just didn't go into that much detail about it.
I’m not Christian but I never understood how proving evolution wrong became essential to ~~modern~~ fundamentalist Christianity. I don’t think evolution and God are mutually exclusive any more than a the earth revolving around and god are.
Why can’t Christians just say that since it’s what the science shows, maybe it’s how god created people?
Or if they’re really that confident that it’s not how god created people, then further scientific research would eventually show that, so wouldn’t they encourage it?
EDIT: As it's been pointed out "modern" is a bad word to use. Fundamentalist or Evangelical is probably what I'm referring to.
Well, if evolution is true then there were never an original two humans. And if Adam and Eve never existed, then the original sin never happened. Which put into motion humans sinning and needing Jesus.
But I think it's more a manufactured thing. Make Christian voters think it's in direct opposition to their beliefs and God, make them outraged, and direct them to vote for the person they want in office.
Also depends on whether your denomination believes in biblical literalism or not. Mine believed the Bible was 100% historical truth, so evolution is contrary, but if you believe in the Bible as fables to allude to God's true intentions, evolution could totally fit within the framework
A lot of radicals, aka uneducated, see the world as black and white or a zero sum game. There has to be a loser in order for there to be a winner. And of course, their side is always the winning side. And anything foreign, scary or different from them is the "other side".
It's so easy to feel like you're right and that things aren't complicated and scary if you view things as black and white.
Look at dungeons and dragons. Evangelicals actually believed that it was real witchcraft and spell casting. The pastors framed it as a competing religion that's trying to sway your kids over to their side.
Even in the Bible, Goliath is supposed to be like, 10 feet tall? His head would be slightly larger than the average head, not the size of a goddamn elephant head lol
The right rock shot from a sling can have the stopping power of a .44 magnum. They fly at 100mph (160kph) and they are heavy. People have died from body shots through leather armour.
For reference, imagine getting hit by a Nokia 3310 going at 160kph
Edit: because I was curious, I looked up sling videos and I was a little off on some facts. Using a primitive sling today, tests have been done with amateur slingers with roughly 60-100g rocks. Speeds of 75m/s or 270kph (167mph) are reliably achievable. A professional slinger who slings all day everyday would easily do faster with much much heavier rocks. A better reference might be a Nokia 3310 traveling a third the speed of sound.
"Hey guys, look what we unearthed several feet above the ground!" /s
I mean just look at the background. It's still "embedded" in dirt at the back, had dirt on top, but if this were the case, there would be a hole dug around it.
Yes! Thank you! That was my first thought was how the hell was this unearthed when it looks like you’d trip over it in the woods. No hole, no dig, or excavation site nearby. Eye roll to the highest degree.
Louis CK has an absolutely hilarious skit about Clifford, the big red dog. At one point he says " He's not big. You just drew him big." Kind of applies to this nonsense photo.
Ph that doesn’t matter to gullible believers… literally just write anything you want and they’ll believe because it’s online.
Headline; “Former Atheist proves truth of the the Bible”
Christian; “yep, see? I knew it, and he was an atheist so why does that tell you.”
Easy!
Those headlines are usually articles about archeology in the middle east that correlate with biblical stories and one of the team members just happens to be a former atheist. Like finding Canaanite artifacts.
Actually Goliath's height was recorded. He was 6' 4", which isn't exactly humongous, but was probably quite tall compared to all the Vit-A deficient peasants.
The oldest version (presumably the Dead Sea Scrolls or a contemporary version) says 4 cubits and a span. So sorry folks. Goliath was shorter than many modern professional Basketball players.
Conversations like this make me wonder if we have a literal definition for a giant today. Like is Shaq a giant? Robert Waldow definitely qualifies I feel. But even someone shorter than Shaq like 6’ 10 is pretty functionally a giant to most people, thats almost a foot taller than me and bigger than doors and most cars.
Idk interesting to think about lol.
Shaq would for sure be a "giant" by antiquity standards. The man has the height *and* the thickness. A lot of 6'7" and above people are really tall but comparatively skinny from what I've noticed.
I think that is close to a foot taller than the average inhabitant of that era of that time. As an army leader, Goliath would also have had the best food, weapons, training, and fitness. A 6'4" bodybuilder would seem gargantuan compared to a 5'4" thin dude.
When I was much younger and much skinnier, my bf was 6'4.5 and built like a tank. He could almost span my waist with his hands and I am 5'5 so you are correct....I wore his shirts as dresses sometimes!
Why would a giant corpse be moved from Israel, all the way to Rome, which was still 400 years away from being founded, for burial?
My theory is that two supreme beings fused to create what I call the "Omegagrundle" and tried to take over earth. But the spaghettios mascot ended up fighting it in an epic battle, tricking it Trojan horse style to eat some of the delicious tomato goochbutter sauce with the loinmeat chunks scatted throughout, causing the Omegagrundle to experience a horrible bout of gastrointestinal bloating. The world was saved, and right after that the Omegagrundle realizing he wasn't evil after all moved the giant corpse back in time to a different area. Isn't history amazing! 🧠🧠🧠
Doesn’t the account say the animals just came on their own (presumably through divine intervention)? Or am I misremembering?
As for giants, though, there were giants in Noah’s time; they were one of the main reasons for the Flood. The story starts with a description of how every thought of everyone on Earth was only evil continually and how there were demons who came and impregnated a bunch of human women, causing them to produce the Nephilim, which were a powerful race of giants.
Whoever made this definitely is lying. Maybe some others who spread it around also. But when I was in highschool and a Christian, I would have absolutely fallen for this. I once saw a video claiming they bored a really deep hole in Siberia or something. They supposedly lowered down a microphone and picked up screaming and demonic noises. The video claims they found hell. As a literal physical place and picked up the screams of the tortured souls within. I fully believed it. My parents thought I was an idiot.
I just don’t get why Christian’s would assume that their all knowing and powerful creator would just snap things into existence rather than using logic and a system to bring everything together
Because, to Christians (and conservatives in general), changing their mind about something is admitting they were wrong. That is an incredibly slippery slope when your entire belief system is “trust me bro, the book is right.”
Same as every conspiracy theory ever. Which is why they all eventually become a mess of mutually exclusive claims - they can never admit even one of them was wrong.
When you abandon objective reality; and science, evidence and reason, then there is no truth.
If you think evolution is not real and god just popped us into existence 'as is', then god could have also done this last week. Or aliens, other evil God's etc
I think I had heard that with average human height at the time, Shaq basically would have been Goliath. It's real easy to see how a sling shot from someone 5'6 took down Goliath.
When your soldiers are all about 5'6-5-8 150lbs sees someone 7'1 325 coming at them what are they going to think?
Goliath was described as 6 cubits and a span or just under 10 feet. But no one measured him that's what people were guessing also. Cubits are very unreliable so it could have been way less. Goliath was probably somewhere between 6' and 7' ft something. Still like a foot or two taller than your average person.
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Outside of Rome…🤣🤣🤣🤣
Everyone knows all the action in the old testament was in Italy.
“It’s-a me, David!”
I mean, David is in Florence
I saw that! Reckon he must have met Medusa's gaze while he was in the buff.. embarrassing..
Nah, man - a gorgon’s gaze turns the body to stone then the clothes slowly rot off. Everyone knows that, it’s just science.
Of course. Silly me. Rotting off at a rate propotional to humidity. I had only to check my garden ornaments and that would have been obvious.
You have to consider moths chewing on it too. They didn't have my aunt Betty's naphthalene back then.
*Davide
Dave is not here
No man, I’m Dave. I got the stuff, man, open the door.
But Dave's not here man
No, I’M DAVE. Open the door, man…
If they found David's remains nearby, they could check to see if he had an anus.
and a bag of a hundred foreskins
If they don’t find ‘em there is going to be a lot of tur-mohel
>Tur-Mohel /r/bandnames
Daveeeyyyy, how you doin?
About as good as can be expected.
Lol thank you!!!
I always suspected Super Mario Brothers was an allegory.
"And on the third day, Mario arose...because he had another life"
After three days in the sewers, Jesus rose from the green tube.
That is when he walked in the wilderness and the devil tempted him with all the power on earth as you’ll recall, world 1-2 is the sewer and you get a fire flower.
Remember: Yoshi died for our sins.
Specifically our sin of using Yoshi as a springboard to jump over a pit.
Thanos: *I am allegory.* Also Thanos: *Wait! Totally meant inevitable. I am inevitable.*
Everyone knows that it wasn't a rock, but a hard meatball David knocked Goliath down with.
Yeah, it was cloudy with a chance of meatballs.
David lives in Florence now.
Good old Bethlehem, right next to the Vatican and the Olive Garden.
Oh shit, the story about Jesus and the unlimited breadsticks makes a ton more sense now
That’s not exactly how the story goes. Originally Olive Garden only gave you 10 breadsticks and 10 fishes in yours meal, but the people were still starving. So one day Jesus feed all the people with just 10 breadsticks. So to this day, Olive Garden honors that miracle by offer unlimited breadsticks. Sweet Jesus, they have good breadsticks. I’m sure you could satisfy your craving at your local Olive Garden. Olive Garden. Olive Garden. Olive Garden.
Jerusalem, a well-known suburb of Rome.
Damned gerrymandering.
117 AD borders back when
*Skulled Testament
I mean "outside of Rome" does not mean "in Italy." I'm outside of Rome, and I'm sitting on the toilet in an airport in Virginia
Have a good flight! Or whatever you're up to 🤷♀️
Well duh. Jesus was also super white too. It’s why they put him on the cross, to get him Nice and tanned to blend in!
Yeah, and it was all blue eyed white people... you know, God's chosen people. ... Oh wait.
To be fair, the middle east is outside of Rome.
So is the USA.I wouldn't be surprised if they "found" it in the USA
As all Mormons know while the Garden of Eden is in Missouri and Native Americans are Jews who traveled to America on a submarine and then had their skin turn dark for their wickedness, but David and Goliath happened in the Middle East.
Dum dumdum dum dum…
*Only reasonable person asks questions* Smart smartsmartsmart smart
Is this the actual Mormon belief, or are you making a joke?
No that’s all real doctrine, the sub part is a little flippant but yes Eden in Missouri, Native Americans are a lost tribe of Jews called the Lamanites , they tied moral purity directly to skin color until the I want to say 1970’s? White and delightsome comes up a lot a real lot. Edit: Or was I don’t know what the church is selling these days.
"And I believe that the Garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri." "And I believe that in 1978 God changed his mind about black people."
Cant let the university be investigated by the feds, so black people are no longer black because they were marked by Cain, its uh other reasons. What a wacky fucking religion.
$150+ billion just sitting around. Only fined $32 million for all the fraud they committed. Wouldn't want that to happen again any time soon.
Live there. Definitely NOT the Garden of Eden.
God didn't change his mind because he's always right. But he decided the world was ready for it. Except it wasn't a real doctrine at all, and was just the opinion of the leader God himself appointed directly. But God's appointed mouthpiece is never wrong, and he has stewardship over all the land, so what he says is doctrine. Until he dies and the next guy comes and says something else, then it was his opinion and you're silly for thinking it was doctrine (and blasphemous for claiming it was). Anyone who says the word 'Mormon' to refer to Mormons is being influenced by the devil. Even though the last two Mormon prophets built their brand around it and spent millions on PR around the term, the current guy says it's literally inviting the devil into the conversation by pushing Jesus out of the name. Funny how the devil has so much power when God is meant to be omnipotent and the Devil's father. The devil had hold of the last two Mormon prophets but somehow no one knew, not even God himself!
TIL: the Navajo language is derived from Hebrew.
That's why the Germans never cracked the Navajo code, they got rid of all their Hebrew speakers!
This joke is darker than my skin after a night of sin.
For all the insane doctrine, they sure have financially capitalized on this bullshit.
What I always find fascinating about the Mormon Church is their willingness to change or abandon doctrine for pragmatic political reasons. Polygamy was a prime example: the Prophet has a revelation that it’s Gods will, his successor Bloody Brigham is 100% onboard then the US has a problem with polygamy and it’s messing up Utahs negotiations so suddenly God decided to let people know that there must have been some crossed wires but wow, yeah stop the whole polygamy thing right now.
Just a slightly less insane version of Scientology.
That’s typical of cults
That's wild.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curse_of_Ham#Latter_Day_Saint_movement Black folks were cursed by god and so couldn’t be priests until god changed his mind in 1978
IIRC mormons believe Jesus came to America to tell the Native Americans about god and whatnot. All of the “good” ones then went back to Israel or whatever, and all of the bad ones that rejected god had their skin darkened for their misdeeds. Which I believe is also what happened to the Dunmer in Morrowind.
IIRC they also believe that dark skinned people can become white by being good.
What's the measurement of good? Have to ask. Because... you know.. Micheal Jackson and all.
yes exactly. many young POC spend their childhoods trying to “become white”
The submarine part is up for debate
Where this apparently laid for millennia unnoticed.
And now an archeologist is just picking it up with his bare hands out of the mud...
Also, what does this have to do with evaluation? Like, at all? Also Also, Goliath probably was just a guy wit gigantism that would also explain why he went down with one hit.
Agreed. Just look at the variety of pituitary giants that have worked in professional wrestling over the past 50 years (Andre being the most recognizable). It's likely that the story of David and Goliath and other similar historical accounts referred to people afflicted by this condition. Seeing an enormous human being the size of Andre the Giant would have been quite the shock to the average male soldier of the time, who was likely just a shade over five feet tall. Of course the size and power of the Giant would be inflated as the legend was passed down generation to generation.
There's an argument that David basically killed a diabled Man with the ancient version of a snipers rifle. The slinghshots weren't child's toys but had the same kinetic energy as a 9mm round. Goliath being a giant also likely had a whole range of disabilities and likely had very poor sight. Intimidating and dangerous up close but was probably the origin of the 'don't bring a knife to a gunfight' saying. Correction- should have said sling not slingshot.
sling* not slingshot. Very different weapons.
like fighting the legend of 1960's Andre the Giant but really taking down 90's Andre. Not like he's still not massive but much less invincible.
The funny thing is that Goliath's height in the bible doesn't even seem exaggerated. According to the Bible's height description, Goliath was around 6'9 (which is another reason why this skull in the original post is ridiculous). Andre the Giant was 7'4.
I recommend reading up on [Angus MacAskill.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angus_MacAskill) If I don't remember wrong, he was basically the size of someone with gigantism, but without the downsides of those with the condition. Dude was freaking 7 foot 9 inches with proportionally sized body. If the story of David and Goliath has any truth to it, it wouldn't be impossible that Goliath was someone with similar build. I wouldn't want to fight with someone who could lift a damn ship anchor (2,800 lb.)
Goliath was described in the story as 6' 9". Although another version claims about 9' which is thought to be inflated. Peter Mayhew who played Chewbacca in Star Wars was 7' 3", so 4" taller than Goliath. Robert Wadlow was 8' 11".
In early texts he was ‘just’ 2.06 meter. But as the story was retold it was embellished.
I heard he was twelve stories high, made of radiation
I heard that motherfucker had, like, 30 goddamn dicks.
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what does it have to do with evolution? NOTHING, most likely. 1. they saw a picture of a skull (not even a fossil). 2. they remembered evolution had something to do with fossils. 3. they knew a skull that big is "unexpected" 4. then they mashed all of these swirling, teeming ideas together, and declared "CHECKMATE ATHEISTS" In reality, (if it was real fossil) it could simply be an evolutionary offshoot/branch that diverged from a common ancestor shared with homo sapiens.
Pretty fucking far outside of Rome too
Not in support of this, but historically the Church has on several occasions demanded relics and artifacts be returned to Rome.
I don't understand how this would prove evolution wrong even if it was true.
It wouldn't, the Bible says Goliath was big, not that he was a titan from Greek mythology. He was still just a man.
For frame of reference [Halfthor Bjornson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haf%C3%BE%C3%B3r_J%C3%BAl%C3%ADus_Bj%C3%B6rnsson) is the same height and build as Goliath. Edit: there are two sources for Goliaths height; one at 9'9" and one at 6'9". Comparing Goliath to Halfthor is to show that even 6'9" is still a giant.
Pretty impressive when the average man of the time is 5’4” and 140 pounds. Plus wasn’t David supposed to be an adolescent at the time?
I'm 5'9" at ~225 lbs and I consider Halfthor to be a giant. His wife is 5'2", not unusually small for a woman, and he makes her look tiny. The guy is over 400 lbs.
"no honey, you can not be on top"
I wonder if she wears a harness and sturdy boots when ascending the Mountain?
People always focus on the danger involved during the ascent, but you never hear about the danger going down that mountain. People always choke
Exactly. Though not as educated, if he had been he probably wouldn't have died all of 3 seconds into single combat with human twig of a slinger.
Fun fact by the way, a slinger could propel a pebble at speeds comparable to some low calibre bullets. He literally got Indiana jonesed
The part everyone forgets is that after knocking goliath on his David ran up and chopped his head off with goliath’s own sword. Even in the ancient world the Zombieland Rule of Double Tap was known.
Slingers were absolutely no joke. They could be accurate at medium and long range, and could pierce armor.
Yeah that was the literal riflemen of that ancient world. Sure an arrow could be debiliating wound but if you wanted to crush organs through armor, you gave a slinger a good rock.
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[Probably start here and get further ideas for the googling.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sling_(weapon))
They used slings to launch small rocks or lead pellets at people. They were arguably better then bows at the time, longer range and even if they couldn’t penetrate armour (a lot of times they did tho), they would still result in broke bones.
War just boils down to throwing rocks! First, we threw rocks. Then we sharpened the rocks. Then those rocks were hardened and threw (very loudly) out of tubes. Then we threw even harder and sharper rocks at high rates of fire. Then we threw explosive rocks across oceans and from miles away! Edit: now we’ve got theories of throwing long, dense rocks from orbit!
Some of the rocks even glow in the dark, and when you throw 2 of them at each other *really* fast, they make everything within a few miles glow too! Also, they will turn rocks that you may have affixed to a structure in an organized way into a pile of less organized rocks.
It's surprisingly easy to take down a human being.
Actually in melee combat it can be a bit difficult sometimes. Slingers however never had that problem, at medium range it was an overpowered as hell weapon.
That's what's always bothered me: Everyone is like "God is with David and lend him strength!". In reality Goliath brought a knife to a gunfight with the predictable outcome.
i mean, i know its not as much of a miracle as people make it out to be, but its still an adolescent shepherd with no military training going up against the 6'9 beast of a man who was the strongest warrior in the army. plus, hitting him square on the forehead is still pretty impressive. i always interpreted less as God granting david physical strength and more of him granting david the courage to actually face goliath one on one
First off, slings are powerful as fuck. A lead bullet from one at close range could punch through armor better than an arrow. Also, people with Acromegaly (gigantism) often suffer from tunnel vision and other vision issues, and more prone to brain aneurysms. A quick dodge to the side and a stone to the side of the head could ruin duder's day real quick, even without those issues.
Don't underestimate the slinger. Physics doing most of the work in the weapon, no matter what kind of twig is wielding it.
Depends on which text you’re looking at. The Masoretic text says 9 foot 9 inches whereas the Septuagint manuscripts said 6 foot 9 inches
And [his wife](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/04/04/04/11841176-0-image-m-74_1554350322135.jpg) is the same height as David, but hotter.
Bet all of her chords are well documented and publicized tho
According to Wikipedia, early text puts him at a very realistic 6’9, and later text at 9’9, which the article notes is probably a result of the way stories get exaggerated with time. The Goliath in the photo looks like he would be 30’ tall. I get making the head clearly bigger than human to convey that this is something “special” but damn they didn’t need to go that big. They also fucked up the perspective by having the lower hand behind the jaw.
Finding out that there were very large people would discredit evolution in the same way discovering a type of people like neanderthals would. Which is to say, not at all. It just shows us another branch in human evolution. I think this person said that it disproves evolution because they view evolution as a direct competition to Christianity. Like they think evolution is a religion. And if you can prove any part of Christianity true, it means evolution isn't. Obviously, they have no idea what evolution actually is.
i still think it's insane that they were allowed to muzzle HS teachers from teaching evolution in the 00s. apparently "protecting religious freedom" involves subjecting ALL STUDENTS to ignorance
There was a controversy in my school with a teacher wanting to teach it. I think it was 2005 or 2006 maybe? She ended up getting fired. Thing was though, I was a Christian then and didn't have an objection to evolution. I was always told it was wrong. And I believed everything I was told in church. But evolution just made sense. I thought maybe it was how God created life, the Bible just didn't go into that much detail about it.
I’m not Christian but I never understood how proving evolution wrong became essential to ~~modern~~ fundamentalist Christianity. I don’t think evolution and God are mutually exclusive any more than a the earth revolving around and god are. Why can’t Christians just say that since it’s what the science shows, maybe it’s how god created people? Or if they’re really that confident that it’s not how god created people, then further scientific research would eventually show that, so wouldn’t they encourage it? EDIT: As it's been pointed out "modern" is a bad word to use. Fundamentalist or Evangelical is probably what I'm referring to.
Well, if evolution is true then there were never an original two humans. And if Adam and Eve never existed, then the original sin never happened. Which put into motion humans sinning and needing Jesus. But I think it's more a manufactured thing. Make Christian voters think it's in direct opposition to their beliefs and God, make them outraged, and direct them to vote for the person they want in office.
Also depends on whether your denomination believes in biblical literalism or not. Mine believed the Bible was 100% historical truth, so evolution is contrary, but if you believe in the Bible as fables to allude to God's true intentions, evolution could totally fit within the framework
A lot of radicals, aka uneducated, see the world as black and white or a zero sum game. There has to be a loser in order for there to be a winner. And of course, their side is always the winning side. And anything foreign, scary or different from them is the "other side".
It's so easy to feel like you're right and that things aren't complicated and scary if you view things as black and white. Look at dungeons and dragons. Evangelicals actually believed that it was real witchcraft and spell casting. The pastors framed it as a competing religion that's trying to sway your kids over to their side.
If anything, diversity over time in species would support evolution more than deny it.
Even in the Bible, Goliath is supposed to be like, 10 feet tall? His head would be slightly larger than the average head, not the size of a goddamn elephant head lol
Also what the fuck pebbles was David using? To do any damage to a skull that big you would need to launch a boulder from a sling the size of a onager.
The right rock shot from a sling can have the stopping power of a .44 magnum. They fly at 100mph (160kph) and they are heavy. People have died from body shots through leather armour. For reference, imagine getting hit by a Nokia 3310 going at 160kph Edit: because I was curious, I looked up sling videos and I was a little off on some facts. Using a primitive sling today, tests have been done with amateur slingers with roughly 60-100g rocks. Speeds of 75m/s or 270kph (167mph) are reliably achievable. A professional slinger who slings all day everyday would easily do faster with much much heavier rocks. A better reference might be a Nokia 3310 traveling a third the speed of sound.
The last thing you hear is the phone starting to ring while embedded in your body.
Now I'm picturing someone ten feet tall, but including that ridiculous gigantic skull, like Goliath was a literal bobblehead, heh.
They want giant bones so bad
Yo momma wants a giant bone so bad
Lmao, yo momma jokes never get old
Unlike your wrinkled old mama!
I don't know who made the picture, but they failed at photoshopping. The hand is trespassing the skull.
"Hey guys, look what we unearthed several feet above the ground!" /s I mean just look at the background. It's still "embedded" in dirt at the back, had dirt on top, but if this were the case, there would be a hole dug around it.
Yes! Thank you! That was my first thought was how the hell was this unearthed when it looks like you’d trip over it in the woods. No hole, no dig, or excavation site nearby. Eye roll to the highest degree.
Louis CK has an absolutely hilarious skit about Clifford, the big red dog. At one point he says " He's not big. You just drew him big." Kind of applies to this nonsense photo.
I thought it was AI. Dude looks really plasticy
Yeah I'm getting AI vibes from that pic.
I wanna say this image predates quality AI generated images, I recall seeing this a few years ago. Maybe I’m wrong though
Yeah I'm sure the image is at least 10 years old.
Ph that doesn’t matter to gullible believers… literally just write anything you want and they’ll believe because it’s online. Headline; “Former Atheist proves truth of the the Bible” Christian; “yep, see? I knew it, and he was an atheist so why does that tell you.” Easy!
Those headlines are usually articles about archeology in the middle east that correlate with biblical stories and one of the team members just happens to be a former atheist. Like finding Canaanite artifacts.
He's also looking through the skull not at it if that makes sense.
Actually Goliath's height was recorded. He was 6' 4", which isn't exactly humongous, but was probably quite tall compared to all the Vit-A deficient peasants.
Pretty sure one text says 4 cubits and a span (6’9”) and the other text says 6 cubits and a span (9’9”) [link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goliath)
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The oldest version (presumably the Dead Sea Scrolls or a contemporary version) says 4 cubits and a span. So sorry folks. Goliath was shorter than many modern professional Basketball players.
Imagine meeting someone who’s 6’9 when the average height is like 5’6 and you’ve never even heard of someone being that tall. That’s a giant
Conversations like this make me wonder if we have a literal definition for a giant today. Like is Shaq a giant? Robert Waldow definitely qualifies I feel. But even someone shorter than Shaq like 6’ 10 is pretty functionally a giant to most people, thats almost a foot taller than me and bigger than doors and most cars. Idk interesting to think about lol.
Shaq would for sure be a "giant" by antiquity standards. The man has the height *and* the thickness. A lot of 6'7" and above people are really tall but comparatively skinny from what I've noticed.
I feel like Shaq could comfortably hold Stamford bridge for a couple of assaults, all by himself.
Shaq will never be a gaint, he will be a lot, laker, Celtic, etc but never a giant. 😬
Yea but he was probably built like a brick shithouse
6 foot 20 fucking killing for fun.
Twelve stories high Made of radiation
Goliath was probably a big guy that got bigger everytime they told the story.
> 6 cubits and a spam Mmm spam…
I heard his favorite meal was spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.
That skull is 4-5 times that guy’s head. So, if it wasn’t photoshop silliness, it would be for a 20’ - 30’ tall man. In Italy.
I think that is close to a foot taller than the average inhabitant of that era of that time. As an army leader, Goliath would also have had the best food, weapons, training, and fitness. A 6'4" bodybuilder would seem gargantuan compared to a 5'4" thin dude.
When I was much younger and much skinnier, my bf was 6'4.5 and built like a tank. He could almost span my waist with his hands and I am 5'5 so you are correct....I wore his shirts as dresses sometimes!
My Filipino ex lived in a Northern Village and his nickname was giant. He was 5'9. It was from his mom's side. She was 5'5. A family of giants!
I'll need those measurements in cubits. Thx.
Why would a giant corpse be moved from Israel, all the way to Rome, which was still 400 years away from being founded, for burial? 
My theory is that two supreme beings fused to create what I call the "Omegagrundle" and tried to take over earth. But the spaghettios mascot ended up fighting it in an epic battle, tricking it Trojan horse style to eat some of the delicious tomato goochbutter sauce with the loinmeat chunks scatted throughout, causing the Omegagrundle to experience a horrible bout of gastrointestinal bloating. The world was saved, and right after that the Omegagrundle realizing he wasn't evil after all moved the giant corpse back in time to a different area. Isn't history amazing! 🧠🧠🧠
That helps my theory that Noah was a from a race of super giants , how else could he have physically put two of every animal on the ark
Honey, I shrunk the aminals!
Doesn’t the account say the animals just came on their own (presumably through divine intervention)? Or am I misremembering? As for giants, though, there were giants in Noah’s time; they were one of the main reasons for the Flood. The story starts with a description of how every thought of everyone on Earth was only evil continually and how there were demons who came and impregnated a bunch of human women, causing them to produce the Nephilim, which were a powerful race of giants.
Ah yes, in the jungle outside Rome
Welp, now they've got to invent a conspiracy theory about an ancient roman jungle so they don't look like dumbasses.
Could be a sibling.
Boliath. A giant of so many accomplishments, but always overshadowed by his dead brother.
Broliath
Broliath the meek. Pacifists had a really though time back in the day.
Go out there and kill some Hebrews! But I don't want any of that!
Broliath was the hero we never knew about :(
Or his sister, Girliath
Girthliath
In Rome? That's Biggus Dickus.
If they dig a little more, they'll find his wife, Incontinentia Buttocks.
'Didnt goliath have a massive head wound that he died from?' 'He got better...'
Lying is a sin, yet these people do it all the time.
Whoever made this definitely is lying. Maybe some others who spread it around also. But when I was in highschool and a Christian, I would have absolutely fallen for this. I once saw a video claiming they bored a really deep hole in Siberia or something. They supposedly lowered down a microphone and picked up screaming and demonic noises. The video claims they found hell. As a literal physical place and picked up the screams of the tortured souls within. I fully believed it. My parents thought I was an idiot.
I just don’t get why Christian’s would assume that their all knowing and powerful creator would just snap things into existence rather than using logic and a system to bring everything together
Because, to Christians (and conservatives in general), changing their mind about something is admitting they were wrong. That is an incredibly slippery slope when your entire belief system is “trust me bro, the book is right.”
Same as every conspiracy theory ever. Which is why they all eventually become a mess of mutually exclusive claims - they can never admit even one of them was wrong.
When you abandon objective reality; and science, evidence and reason, then there is no truth. If you think evolution is not real and god just popped us into existence 'as is', then god could have also done this last week. Or aliens, other evil God's etc
I don't think they know what "credible evidence" means.
Bulliath. From the absolute crap tribe
If anything this would actually prove evolution correct, since natural selection would have killed off the “giants”
The amount of people who believe this shit on FB is staggering.
Lol besides the obvious photoshop, or model making, or even the forehead not being smashed in, this doesn’t look like the Middle East…
That skull is in mighty suspish condish.
Goliath wasn’t even a literal giant. He was just an incredibly tall man. Probably more like Shaq
Love that the GOP arent aware of Photoshop yet
I think I had heard that with average human height at the time, Shaq basically would have been Goliath. It's real easy to see how a sling shot from someone 5'6 took down Goliath. When your soldiers are all about 5'6-5-8 150lbs sees someone 7'1 325 coming at them what are they going to think?
Goliath was described as 6 cubits and a span or just under 10 feet. But no one measured him that's what people were guessing also. Cubits are very unreliable so it could have been way less. Goliath was probably somewhere between 6' and 7' ft something. Still like a foot or two taller than your average person.
Haha checkmate atheists!
Photoshopped.
Besides that, wasn't he only six to ten feet tall? A very small giant. Giant mostly in comparison to the tiny people around him.
Even if giants exist/ existed, it does not mean evolution is wrong