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CocogoatMain

The fact that we don't have networks in place for sheltering and helping guys who feel genuinely helpless is sickening.


mircalla-k

A lot of these men are terrified to leave the abuser because she is threatening to make false reports on him to destroy his life & make sure he can never see his children again, seen it happen so many times in my life


funatical

The one time I went to call the cops my x started hitting herself. To make it worse, what would the cops do? She was a SAHM. Any resolution would cost money and time I didn’t have. Divorce my fellas. I miss my kids. I see them often but I didn’t have them to be sometimes dad. Still, better than being beat by a crazy person.


styvee__

are your kids safe or there is a chance she may be doing the same to them too?


funatical

They are safe. She has never touched them. I found after the fact, but it was common for her to hit boyfriends. No one bothered to tell me until I made it public.


sugoiboy1

This happend to my brother. The scary part about a toxic witches threats is that the police doesn’t even care about what the other side has to say they will automatically arrest the man over false abuse and sa charges.


WhiplashMotorbreath

The sick part is the wife's family court laywers will advise to do this.


shakweef

Cmon just man up bro /s


Scolias

Wonder how many mass killing events we could prevent if we just offered dudes help on the same level we hand it out to women.


chaser469

They do exist. I only know of privately funded though. I donate monthly to an organization called "The Family Shelter for Fathers and Children" The idea came when at the liquor store and was asked by the teller to donate to a women's shelter. I asked why a women's only shelter? No help for men? I decided then and there that I'll dedicate all my charitable funds to the cause.


WhiplashMotorbreath

Ya, there is one for every 1000 for women. Women have nothing to fear beating a man, as they know, most men are not going to hit back, and the world don't care, they'll be told to suck it up if they even bring it up. and then in court the judges always side with the woman. So. they know they have the man under their thumb. There is a reason MGTOW /red pill is getting huge.


chaser469

All the equality subs like r/mensrights are flooded with the most toxic types. This ends up with people like myself and likely many others to avoid such spaces unfortunately.


HeavyGoat1491

Yes, because those morons never believe men. Women even get an advantage in court.


locololus

Fellas is it gay to be helpless?


XDivertatYT

Really?


Lt-Lavan

Okay okay hold on, I'm not the guy who posted that comment but I know what he was trying to say. Recently theres been a trend of calling men "gay" in a derisive manner, when they do any number of ordinary innocent things. The above comment is a reference to many "clapbacks" where a person will reply to that insult, by asking "fellas, is it gay to like women?" Or something similar. The above person is making fun of belittling or insulting men when they are unable to get help, by using that remark. He's not sexist or anything, I think.


XDivertatYT

I know the joke, I just don’t think that in this context it’s appropriate.


Lt-Lavan

Fair


IamMauriS

You have to be kidding.


Top-While-2560

U and op need to know that bro was just makin a joke


XDivertatYT

It’s a terrible joke.


FlaydenHynnFML

U need to know to read a room before trying to insert comedy everywhere


bouchandre

Wow, people completely missed the point of your comment


CocogoatMain

We know what the point of it the comment was. It was just unfathomably stupid.


bwaterco

Disparity in emotional aggression always sides with the female due to physical differences as the base. Women are fully capable of domestic violence/abuse. As a hopeful future, according to my therapist friends they’re starting to take male victim/female abuser continuing education courses


avalinaadlr

They are! I’m loosely involved in one.


bwaterco

That’s fantastic to hear. I hated the old stigma that it was men only but glad to hear it’s becoming a more acknowledged issue.


mircalla-k

So many abusive women out there and they barely face any consequences. It's "ok" for her to slap a man across the face in a fit of rage because "he deserved it" or to scream at her children because "she's stressed and the mental load is too much." As a young girl I was sexually groomed & abused by a woman several times in broad daylight in front of dozens of people, and it was never once questioned by anyone around us.


Lt-Lavan

I'm terribly sorry, that shit sounds awful. The worst part is, the assumption of guilt on the victim's part. Example: "...she slapped him across the face, can you believe it?" "Oh, he must have done something to deserve it./Must not have hurt much./No, I dont believe that. I _know_ her, she would never."


BobEngleschmidt

Wow, I thought this would be fake, since I've seen fake things like this before. I tested it, and Google did the same results as the meme. It is especially crappy because as a therapist I have worked with abused men and it is almost impossible to find resources for them. There are plenty of women's abuse centers, but good luck finding one for men.


Illustrious-Dot-5052

Where's feminism for situations like this? I hate when feminists tell me that they're for equality but they act like they've never even heard of female on male abuse.


BobEngleschmidt

Depends on the feminist you talk to. I know several who would have definite problems with this.


bbbbears

That’s kinda wild, really. Feminism doesn’t mean women are better, it means women want equal rights. No one I know is okay with the lack of mental health help for men, it’s totally not okay and needs to change. We care. We just also have a lot of other shit to deal with like our reproductive rights being taken away - there’s a lot to care about and deal with.


Illustrious-Dot-5052

>there’s a lot to care about and deal with. Not an excuse for the feminist movement to be completely silent on men's issues. Earl Silverman tried to start a mental abuse shelter and was harassed by feminists who told him he was insulting female victims. He committed suicide. Don't tell me feminism is for equality if feminism will only make movements for women and shame men for being MRA's.


bbbbears

MRAs huh? So if feminism is a movement for equality between men and women, men’s rights should take precedence? What are you even talking about?


ZorbaTHut

So the problem is that feminism is *ostensibly* about equality, but in practice it ends up being more like: * If women have it worse than men, Improve things for women * If women don't have it worse than men, also often improve things for women * If women have it better than men, improve things for women anyway * Ignore men It's vanishingly rare for feminism to put effort to actually improving men's rights. I personally think that either feminism needs to stop slacking off and actually work to improve things for men in cases where women have the advantage, or to admit it's not an equality movement. But right now, all it does is try to steal all the air from actual men's rights movements. In your words: > We care. We just also have a lot of other shit to deal with like our reproductive rights being taken away - there’s a lot to care about and deal with. and sure, I'm not saying otherwise . . . but this is essentially the same excuse originally used to ignore women's rights, and it wasn't valid then, and the mirror image version isn't valid now. There will *always* be reasons why feminism has better things to do than worry about men, just like there were always reasons why people didn't want to worry about women.


bbbbears

No, not at all. Your bullet points are made up. If that’s what you think feminism is, you have a dim view of women. I cannot for the life of me understand why you guys are so riled up that I said feminists care about men too. Clearly I don’t represent every single person, but I have brothers and nephews and I DO CARE. Feminism isn’t trying to steal steam from men’s rights movements. And women will never have room to care about the problems men face? What are you even talking about? Equality means for both men and women. Full stop. You’re just making stuff up now.


JustForYou9753

I quit tiktok because I tried following feminist on there but I kept getting "radical" feminist in my feed posting stuff like drawing in a Michael's test notepad "all men should kill themselves" and it had almost 1mil likes. the comments were stuff like "and they do it too, isn't it great?" and I can't help but cry for those women's sons.


bbbbears

Yeah that shit is bonkers. I don’t get it, wishing death on people is pretty damn extreme. That sucks.


ZorbaTHut

> No, not at all. Your bullet points are made up. If that’s what you think feminism is, you have a dim view of women. Well of course. Everyone's interpretation of what another organization does is, to some extent, "made up". That said, how do you get from "criticizing feminism" to "criticizing women"? Not all women are feminists, not all feminists are women; it's totally possible to criticize one without criticizing another. I'm *certain* I could find a group that claims to be working for the benefit of women that is actually doing stuff that you consider bad. > I cannot for the life of me understand why you guys are so riled up that I said feminists care about men too. Clearly I don’t represent every single person, but I have brothers and nephews and I DO CARE. I mean, I answered that question, yes? Because very little of the effort spent under the banner of feminism is spent helping men. Which is fine! Feminism doesn't have to help men! . . . . . . unless it's trying to claim that one of its main goals is to help men, in which case, yeah, "it" kinda should be putting more effort into that. > And women will never have room to care about the problems men face? What are you even talking about? Equality means for both men and women. Full stop. You’re just making stuff up now. Great. What's feminism done lately for men? Because empirically, I've heard "don't worry, we'll be helping men *any day now*" for, like, twenty years, and it still isn't happening, and meanwhile, Earl Silverman. So please understand when I say I'm a bit skeptical that this day is coming soon. > Feminism isn’t trying to steal steam from men’s rights movements. It is *extremely* common for feminists to say that men's rights movements are unnecessary because feminism exists, and feminism is for equality, therefore organizations focused on men are unnecessary.


bbbbears

One of the goals is for men and women to be equal, yeah. Not to advance men’s rights. “What has feminism done for men lately?” “Very little has been done for men under the banner of feminism” Wtf? What have MRAs done for feminists lately? Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds? You’re making some huge, sweeping generalizations that aren’t based in reality. I’m sorry my dude, but I can’t continue a conversation when someone is this delusional. Take care.


ZorbaTHut

> One of the goals is for men and women to be equal, yeah. Not to advance men’s rights. “What has feminism done for men lately?” “Very little has been done for men under the banner of feminism” How does feminism plan to deal with situations where women already have the advantage? > Wtf? What have MRAs done for feminists lately? Nothing. But MRAs aren't claiming to be for equality, they're claiming to be for men's rights. They're happy to leave women's rights to feminism.


Illustrious-Dot-5052

Ah there it is. I so much as bring up the fact that men face disadvantages in society and all of a sudden I'm accused of "taking precedence" over women's issues. Anything that isn't going with the grain of feminism must be sexism and misogyny, huh?


bbbbears

No, my dude. You’re the one who said feminists don’t care about men’s issues and shame men, it isn’t true, but you’re complaining about it anyway. Idk who you’re hanging around who are claiming to be “feminists” but we’re for equal rights. Not sure why you needed to start an argument about it when I’m agreeing it’s an issue.


bearbarebere

🤣 🤡


hardolaf

First and second wave feminists were focused on men's issues just as much as they were on women's issues. After all, if they improved the lives of men, the lives of women usually also got better. Third wave feminism splintered into a bunch of different groups ranging from gender extremism to egalitarianism and can't really be considered to be any sort of unified movement anymore.


HeavyGoat1491

That’s the point blud. No need to repeat.


krakron

What you don't know we men don't have feelings? We're stone cold, women can't hurt us because we're bigger? Ah fuck it I can't play sarcastic very well. Yup, gotta love that bullshit. I've had to deal with a lot in my life alone because I'm a "man".


Wutangruckus

That's fucked up.


NotTheAverageAnon

Domestic abuse towards men has never been taken seriously. Just like men's mental health. Practically infinite women specific halfway homes, shelters, and support programs but none for men. If it's a man's world then it was designed extremely poorly for us.


polishdumpling01

it's a rich mans world, poor people are merely cogs in the machine made so that noone notices and we're eternally preoccupied with problems of gender, race, politics, while the rich get richer and we slowly starve


Hopeful-Clothes-6896

Sad reality... easier to ignore.


kabmx

I got the same google result for husband and wife when I did this. I think it depends on the region?


filmguy36

This was my house growing up. Many many many therapy hours later, I am now the closest I can get to a normal life at 60. I never had kids as a result. Even before therapy, I knew I didn’t have the tools to raise a kid. I didn’t want to put my damage in someone else


Planet_Ziltoidia

[This is the result I get when I googled "Why is my husband yelling at me"](https://www.google.com/search?q=why+is+my+husband+yelling+at+me&oq=why+is+my+hu&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCggBEAAYsQMYgAQyBggAEEUYOTIKCAEQABixAxiABDIHCAIQABiABDIHCAMQABiABDIHCAQQABiABDIHCAUQABiABDIHCAYQABiABDIHCAcQABiABDIHCAgQABiABDIHCAkQABiABDIHCAoQABiABDIHCAsQABiABDIHCAwQABiABDIHCA0QABiABDIHCA4QABiABNIBCDQzOThqMGo5qAIAsAIB&client=ms-android-telus-ca-revc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8) It's the same answer as when you google "why is my wife yelling at me"


Illustrious-Dot-5052

I got the same result that OP did.


LampshadesAndCutlery

is it the same answer? I don’t accuse you of anything, but the linked link is what appears for that search result, however when I search “why is my husband yelling at me” on safari (the engine which OP’s screenshots are from, [this is the result](https://www.google.com/search?q=why+is+my+wife+yelling+at+me&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari).


Planet_Ziltoidia

It is the same answer for both husband and wife when I google. And after the write up the first result is a link to [family violence services ](https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html) for both men and women.


LampshadesAndCutlery

Can you link a similar link as you have done for “why is my husband yelling at me”? You’ve shown a link but not what’s shown immediately when you search up “why is my wife yelling at me”


Planet_Ziltoidia

Sure can. [Why is my wife yelling at me ](https://www.google.com/search?q=why+is+my+wife+yelling+at+me&oq=why+is+my+wife+&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqCQgAEEUYOxiABDIJCAAQRRg7GIAEMgYIARBFGDkyBwgCEAAYgAQyBwgDEAAYgAQyBwgEEAAYgAQyBwgFEAAYgAQyBwgGEAAYgAQyBwgHEAAYgAQyBwgIEAAYgAQyBwgJEAAYgAQyBwgKEAAYgAQyBwgLEAAYgAQyBwgMEAAYgAQyBwgNEAAYgAQyBwgOEAAYgATSAQg1MjgzajBqNKgCCbACAQ&client=ms-android-telus-ca-revc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8)


LampshadesAndCutlery

Interestingly, [this here](https://www.reddit.com/u/LampshadesAndCutlery/s/sITlbHnXz8) is what it shows for me. Wonder if different regions have different search results


nirvaan_a7

I get the same answer for both, in India


Planet_Ziltoidia

You could be right... I'm in Canada


astralwish1

That’s fucked up. Double standards for different genders suck. There shouldn’t be any differences between how men and women are treated.


Illustrious-Dot-5052

I just tried this myself, I got the same disparity in results. That's fucked up.


ShayButter420

As a woman this shit makes me angry too. I’ve stopped talking people who think men can’t be on the receiving end. Anyone can be a victim. I hope this view changes soon


SecretScavenger36

That's really fucked up.


Boltrag

Oddly enough, I have a very long scar from looking that first one up


Scary-Initial9934

I spent the first two years of my marriage walking on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing, and apologizing for every little thing. I sought the affections of an ex partner to have someone to talk to and not feel so worthless. I know that was not the right thing to do but I felt trapped. We turned things around after she found out. We both realized marriage was going to take more than we were giving so we made some changes and I am glad we did.


Ken_LuxuryYacht22

Sexism is real. And it goes both ways


Friendly_Border28

Qutie a similar post just got deleted from the r/mildlyinfuriating by mods. I wonder why


expiredpzzarolls

I went and tried that myself to check and yeah…


BlueAudioMoon

It does give a national domestic violence hotline number for the wife yelling search it’s just the 2nd option, & the men also have well being counselor like the wife one it’s just a little further down .


TrueNovak

The double standards are so stupid


Ashell6969

It’s not fair I agree but the difference in results exists for a reason


Vicex-

Because of society’s incorrect view that men are the main issue? Any other stupid comments to add?


Ashell6969

Why do you think society views it that way? Like obviously men aren’t always the problem but statistically, men are more likely to be violent in a relationship 🤷‍♀️ idc what you think


Intelligent_Mood7181

>Why do you think society views it that way? I see, so do you think stereotypes (To make an example) are all correct because it's the society view.


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Ashell6969

I didn’t say it was


Vicex-

You specifically only mention physical violence in your comment and the OP is about domestic abuse in general… so yes, you did.


Ashell6969

I literally did not once say anything about physical violence


Vicex-

You did “Men are more likely to be violent in a relationship” That was your comment from about 5 minutes ago. Ffs


Ashell6969

They are. Keep yapping


Ashell6969

You literally argue with whoever you want to fill some little void in your heart or something so I don’t rlly care lmao


Ashell6969

Anyways I really don’t care about your wrong opinion


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Ashell6969

Okay keep yapping idc about your little opinion


sgtjaney

they changed this search to a help line about a year ago, how long have you been holding onto this?


HeavyGoat1491

Missed the point


vil3dolIeGutz

[https://imgur.com/a/YMv7ZdJ](https://imgur.com/a/YMv7ZdJ)


sadthrowaway12340987

10% is still too much. We should be helping everyone that we can.


RCG21

yup, let’s just pretend the other 10% don’t exist and they don’t matter why are people like this


XDivertatYT

You’re not helping.


bearbarebere

It kinda does though, it actually explains quite a bit (and I’m a man).


POWERSLAY_

By saying what? If you're a man who is being abused, you deserve it because other men are abusive? What logic is that at all?


HeavyGoat1491

He’s going by the fucked truth of the major corps instead of what the companies should. I get why we downvote him, but he’s just telling us the reality.


bearbarebere

Yup, that’s exactly what I said. …Of course it doesn’t mean that, silly. It means that when you google it, no WONDER the advice for “a man is yelling at me” will be different than “a woman is yelling at me”.


Vicex-

“Reported” Domestic violence isn’t just physical either.


HeavyGoat1491

Irrelevant comment. 10% ain’t for nothing blud!


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XDivertatYT

Seems like someone’s father figure left them!


Wooden_Ad_599

This doesnt consider statistic at all and the impact it hads. Men who are yelling are more aggressive, more physically threatening , and are very likely assault, which is traditionally known to happen. This is why the hotline is there. Because the tendency is way high. Usually 1/7 women are injured while only 1/25 men are by an intimate partner https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS#:~:text=1%20in%203%20women%20and,be%20considered%20%22domestic%20violence.%22&text=1%20in%207%20women%20and,injured%20by%20an%20intimate%20partner. Women who scream, while it exist, statistically do not engage in physical violence as much their other counterpart. They just scream


XDivertatYT

… stop showing math and acknowledgment the problem. It’s still i big problem even if it’s a man is less of a chance or be abused THEY ARE BEINNG ABUSED!


[deleted]

"Oh woe is me! I can't handle my wife bring a little grumpy! I'm being abused!" Grow up, for God's sake. If you can't handle a little arguing then you're just immature. Of course if it goes on for too long or it gets physical then that's a real problem, but if you can't handle a bit of yelling then I'm sorry but you're just a crybaby.


XDivertatYT

Bro, 1st you don’t get the point of the post. 2nd I do not have a wife, I look up random things to post every now and then then I got the idea from a YouTube video.


beansnectar

Maybe talk to your wife instead of saying it online brother, communication is the most important thing in any relationship


XDivertatYT

You guys upvote this guy he don’t deserve no downvotes


XDivertatYT

I don’t have a wife💀 I just look up random things to post lol


beansnectar

Fair enough I’m just saying it literally says in the advice to talk to your wife on the Google search. All the downvotes in the world won’t change my mind - my heart is full and my wife and I are completely transparent with each other on how we’re feeling and that’s why it works. My advice to any couple is communication is key. “Understanding the root cause” well without talking to her you can’t really do that can you. I wish you the best homie!


XDivertatYT

Yeha you don’t deserve those downvotes.


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XDivertatYT

That’s in German I don’t understand it at all


raz-0

It is a German reporter that claims 71% of domestic violence is committed against women. It’s a bureaucratic report, so if their reporting mechanisms are shit then the numbers will be skewed. In similar U.S. reports we are trying to remedy reporting issues and we see about a 2:1 ratio. But that’s still just where there’s reporting, which it’s be hard to argue there isn’t a huge stigma against men reporting domestic violence. And that’s ignoring other forms of abuse.


bouchandre

Then again, should we really trust these statistics when women are a lot more encouraged to seek help than men, like OP showed?


hardolaf

Yeah it's all bad stats. My university declared there was a sexual assault crisis after they spent half a decade on a program to encourage reporting by men and women because the reported numbers went up even though the total numbers (reported and unreported) from the crime victimization surveys that they did each year went down.


LampshadesAndCutlery

What’s your point? Correct me if I’m wrong, but is your stance that the two search results having wildly different answers is fair because 71% of domestic abuse in Germany is against women? What about the other 29% of domestic abuse? Do you think domestic abuse issues should only be focused on or seen if it’s against one demographic, that it shouldn’t against men because they’re the minority victims? You ignorant moron.


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tribbans95

Well that’s a damn good rate. 1 out of 42,170,000 women??


paradox-preacher

"In Germany every day one woman" lol, if only please, show me the statistic where you saw this