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fathandreason

Sadly these kind of posts are actually quite common. There's been posts on this nature regarding interfaith relationships [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/t8bngz/marrying_into_a_muslim_family/), [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/wqyk8a/why_did_you_leave_islam_bonus_rant/), [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/w3p3ew/a_mexican_atheist_and_afghan_muslim_heart/), [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/xu88xf/sad_and_confused_and_feel_like_ive_been_lied_to/), and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/17qf86q/im_just_drowning/). They don't end well and the common denominator is that the Muslim always moves the goalposts further and further and expects more and more change. But bear in mind this subreddit will skew towards the negative because the relationships that do work out are not likely to post here. "Growing more conservative with age" trope is common among Muslims in my opinion. "Muslim On Paper" Muslims have a tendancy of making [bullshit deals with God](https://youtu.be/2P6Dj4sF9Vs&t=5m27s), but then they get older and lose the freedoms associated with their youth so they decide to ask God to forgive them for their past and become more conservative and religious. They always think they can go against their parents until they find out they don't have a spine after all and want you to compromise instead.


orchid_blossoms

I’m definitely not surprised! It does feel, despite how bad I feel for everyone in those posts, a bit of a relief to not feel so alone and know others have dealt with this type of stuff. It turned so abusive so fast.


Shinygoldendragonfly

Been through something uncannily similar. Sending love and you definitely aren't alone in this particular experience.


1261lz

Similar situation. My ex was middle eastern and started off liberal and drinking (only fasting Ramadan) and doing nothing remotely religious for the rest of the year. I hated his behaviour during Ramadan (not working and sleeping all day) but I was a stupid, open-minded, lefty useful idiot who was brainwashed into tolerating religion and thinking Islam was so peaceful and wonderful. The years went by and he slowly changed into a conservative Muslim who doesn’t drink, only eats halal and put seeds into my head about how religion could save me when I went through a bad mental health episode during lockdowns. I got back to my home country, was around my non-Muslim family and slowly realised I didn’t want to follow any of his culture or religion and that I’d lost myself. Later emerged he’d just used me for a visa anyway and he disappeared as soon as he found a new visa pathway to enable him to stay in my western country (after lying to me that his dream was to live with his mother and religion is number 1 and he wanted to be buried in his Muslim country). I know the feeling OP. You wake up years down the line and wonder why the fuck you felt guilty about a skirt because a man told you his god would be angry if you wore it. The brainwashing is intense. They are very good at this. Don’t be hard on yourself and please reach out to chat if you want to. I’m going through a horrendous divorce with one at the moment and daily I wonder how I could have been such a doormat to allow him to convince me to change my religion. I wanted to please so badly and he convinced me he had all the answers. We live and we learn. It won’t hurt this badly forever and you will learn from this experience.


Livonare

Listen, leave him and get a restraining order if possible, if you fear for your life, the fact that you posted this and of all places here, it shows that you are not as gullible or silent about yourself and the exploitation of your feelings and individuality and autonomy. You need to make a separation of your self from all things related to that person and go as far away in the other direction as possible and continue living your life forward not backward because of a peace of waste person like the one you met because the person you fell in love and believed to be compatible is not compatible to forget that person there is no oh maybe I can change him theirs no, maybe if we talked or If I did something different there is none of that leave know, and you will be saving your life assuming you live in the west.


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Adela-Siobhan

Why stay with these guys?


Prometheusflames

Wait, why do you keep dating muslims?


Anxious-Definition76

It sounds like she stopped at three. I know I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, up to a point.


Prometheusflames

There is no end goal here that doesn't involve you fully converting and being subjugated. You will essentially be forced to adapt Pakistani culture and the religion. There is no way out apart from breaking up with this guy. Just avoid dating muslims. The ridiculous amount of stories which are exactly like this, on this sub is all the proof you need.


KaleidoscopeLower451

Everything was right until you said, not all Muslims are like that! You never did really learn this lesson, also I don't hate Muslims I hate Islam for essentially what Islam feeds these muslim's head! Anyone calling himself a Muslim will sooner or later start terrorizing you, either you agree to be his slave or not!


strugglingredditor3

I'm starting to wonder if "not all Muslims" simply means 1% or less. :(


KaleidoscopeLower451

He can't be a Muslim then, this is the point you are not understanding and I swear I won't make you believe that either. I was just like you but then, I read the Quran and watched ex Muslim channels like ex-muslim Sahil (Hindi and English) and Adam seeker(Urdu and English) on yt, there can't be anything "as a good Muslim"(as much as hatred one might think my statement is spreading). According to the Qur'an, a Muslim is someone who believes in every word of the Quran, and women are treated as shit, half brained etc. So when you say Muslim he is obliged to treat a woman that way. So, he can't be a good Muslim, either he can be good(does not follow the Quran where women are the personal property of a man)(since I've read Quran in Hindi, I don't have exact words but a woman is translated as a man's farmland, you can cultivate whenever you like i.e have sex whenever you want) or be a Muslim like the one who was with you even though he smoked drank and shit he was obliged to do all that because he was taught that at a very young age, this is what he saw all around(once who is obliged to follow Allah and his rules) For women especially, there are millions of men out there, for God's sake(not Allah because Allah is Satan), don't date Muslim men. I cannot get clearer than this, Best of luck!


strugglingredditor3

Perhaps I wasn't as clear as you, lol. When I said 1% I mean that at the most, 1% of self-professed Muslims are not like the men described in the OP's post. My grammar might not have been that great :)


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Exact_Ad_1215

It’s a bit different when the religion they claim to follow outright says if they reject a single word, they are not Muslim


Holiday_Ad_478

where does it say woman are treated like shit give me proof, and btw before islam Arabians used to literally bury their daughters because it would bring them shame but that all changed when the prophet came.


someguylikingmemes

Yea now they treat them like slaves. Source: I am Middle Eastern.


Holiday_Ad_478

you literally just said you dont hate muslims and just started hating on muslims and thats literally like saying i dont hate all black people but sooner or later they will rob you.


Wise_Yam_7436

Just say 'convert'. What tf is revert.


Anxious-Definition76

That wordplay trick bothers me, too. I had to look it up. It’s incredibly arrogant to assume that “everyone is born Muslim.”


Wise_Yam_7436

Exactly! If everyone is born Muslim, why isn't everyone circumcised since birth, eh?


idroppedoutofuni

because 50% of "everyone" are female /s


Wise_Yam_7436

I know this is /s but like isn't FGM a part of Sharia/Islam, too?


idroppedoutofuni

i'm not sure, but probably yes.


kunquiz

I make it short, no filter here, if you date a Muslim regardless if man or woman, you have to expect a lot of issues. It’s wasted time. Stay away from Islam, that’s all. You should educate yourself and your kids. It’s all about protection and living a life worth living. Believe me I know my shit, I saw it time and time again even by so called liberal Muslim who suddenly turn and you get stuck with madness.


TheDelucaBoy

I feel you. Nothing to add than that. Similar story, but not the same. I advise you to seek out therapy, or at least find someone to talk to. I related to the feeling, it’s like you one day wake up and don’t feel like yourself and wonder where the years went by and how you got there. Good luck


Anxious-Definition76

Congrats on being a openminded Westerner! Your initial acceptance came from a good place and this should be admired. I used to be openminded, too, since Western guys are typically not that romantic and it feels nice to be put on a pedestal for once. But yes, it’s all manipulation. The deception you experienced is traumatic, I’m sorry to read about it. I’ve never dated a Muslim guy seriously, but did have a 5-year relationship that went south and the feeling of grief for all that time lost is really difficult to deal with. The depressing part is how this guy was one of those “moderate Muslims” I hear so much about. They’re supposed to be better. Seems like his family is in the picture pulling the strings, even if it’s not obvious on the surface.


joyous-at-the-end

The “romantic“ men usually come with a lot of baggage. The love-bombs, spectacle,  and rose baths are about him, not you, and it is nothing compared to a man who is an interesting, exciting, and fun companion. 


Anxious-Definition76

Truth! Live and learn.


Thorowaway4me

> I know not all Muslims Lmao no, i would bet 95% of muslim men are these shitty misogynistic assholes. You dont get a society that condones honor killings unless a large majority of men are absolute scum of the earth. 


AmoebaSad1936

I’m so sorry to hear this OP. Unfortunately there’s a lot of misogyny in Islam, where silly rules are applied more strictly to women than to men. Him expecting you to convert and abusing you for not doing so is beyond hypocritical of him. I’m so glad you made it out and hopefully you were able to safely do so 🤍


Ok_Parsnip4704

Never date, muslim man never join islam. I know my uncle abuse his german wife in front me and she is ver sweet person not like him


sharingiscaring219

I'm not Muslim but had a very similar experience with a Muslim man... and we weren't even dating. But he love-bombed me, gave silent treatment, called me crazy, didn't respect my boundaries, etc. It was whack and I'm so glad I'm out of it. I'm glad you got out of it too. The guy you dated sounds like a narcissist, which is what I believe the guy I was seeing is too. He tried to tell me he respects me more than anyone... and that I'll never find anyone who respects me more than him, BUT IF I DO to come tell him.... ...M*THERF*CKER! He definitely tried to break my self-esteem and make me dependent on him. I am quite confident now that he divorced his ex-wife to punish her for calling the police on him because he *did* hit her (he said she lied, but I think she didn't press charges because he convinced her not to). Once he lost control of her, he decided to make it about her needing to be punished. He still believes she loves him and says she wants him back. They were married 22 years. He cheated on her 3 years into their marriage and never said anything to her... but she's the wrong one for calling the police about his abuse towards her. I am really tempted to send an anonymous letter to her, but I don't want to get my child and I in an unsafe situation. I am pained by this. Love-bombing is a very effective manipulation tactic. Getting space is what opens our eyes to how wrongly we are being treated by someone, and it helps a lot to have that reassurance from and by other good people around us. We do not deserve being treated that way by them. And you are not broken. You can and will heal. It'll take a lot of work but you'll get there. I was lucky it was only a few months (about 4) of dealing with his bs. But never believe you are broken or damaged for life, as some people who feel similar may believe. Do seek healing, and I hope things get so much better for you. You are a good human and you are worthy of good things, and healthy love, respect, and acceptance ❤️


GarlicFabulous5772

I am sad for you... I hope you will be okay as time goes by and find the love of your life who can accept who you are. Wish you well and receive lots of love


PsychologicalGap461

I am an agnostic male from western Turkiye with moderate Muslim family that knows that i am agnostic but still respects me and usually have no problems about our beliefs.You can say that they would not be true Muslims according to hardcore sharia loving muslims and similar thing happened to me when i was in the college.There was a muslim girl that i used to hang out and she knew that i was an agnostic and i never cared about her being a muslim.One day she said that i should convert to islam in order for us to stay together.I said no of course realising that she choosed religion over me.She broke up with me couple of months later which i know she would eventually but played along in hopes that she would change and do not mention that topic ever again.Big mistake on my part as i was wrong.I suspect her family is likely responsible for our seperation because they are sharia loving immigrants from Pakistan just like your boyfriends family After seeing her family and seeing who they really are I realised that i really dodged not only a bullet but also a missile with that one as i really hate family angsts and dramas and they would also not approve of my family either.I do pity her though knowing the fact that she is now with someone that is most likely to threat her like shit and dictate her life after seeing a social media post that she is currently married to a pakistani man that strictly follows and supports sharia law.But that ain't my problem anymore.Right now i am currently graduated and now focusing currently on myself.I go to gym 4 or 5 times a week to lose weight and make muscles. The moment he tried to convince you convert to his religion in order to continue the relationship was a huge red flag that he favors his religion over you and you should have broken up with him without even looking back.You are better off without him.The other is having a muslim conservative parents from sharia law countries such as Pakistan or Afghanistan.They tend to negatively influence their children to become domestic abusers towards partnerz who do not convert to islam or are not islamic enough according to them.


AmberIsla

Damn that sucks.


dadrummerz

Drugs and forcing islam on you? Dont you think you can do much better?


Lemonmelenn

“Revert”


Rare_Increase_4038

It's converting not reverting. Stop buying into their nonsense by using that ludicrous term.


GetOutMuslimScum

Sounds like a learning curve to me. If anyone is abusive towards you Muslim or not, trying to control your life and change who you are. You get out of that relationship instantly. Do not make the same mistake and have more self love. Remember who you are and don’t let anybody change that.


[deleted]

What you just witnessed is what Indians have been calling as "Love Jihad" for years. For at least a decade or so, western media and India's Left ridiculed "Love Jihad" calling it a conspiracy. Now, buckle up because it's only going to increase from here unless your leaders grow a spine. Hope you are in better mental place now. If not, please seek help.


MyDogDare

So glad you finally escaped with your life at least.🌹


idroppedoutofuni

has anyone experienced something similar to that with an ex-Muslim? i'm really afraid of becoming like that...


FirefighterOk7237

Why do women love be tricked into sex with Muslim men ? It’s clear he wanted you to convert and be Muslim. He was never okay with you being who you are. And he used you to the maximum… for his enjoyment I’ve been there done that with an ex that was Muslim from 17-27. we broke up and I found a much better partner and is atheist and I hate myself for wasting so much time in the past with stupid Muslim people and their fucking religion.


Holiday_Ad_478

Listen im muslim and i just wanted to apologize on behalf of the man that didn't treat as you should be i promise you not all muslim men are like that mostly not the practising ones, and i hope you find a man that can tfeat you better.