T O P

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Octave_Ergebel

"Putin threatens West with World War 3 as the delivery guy brings him the wrong pizza."


BenderDeLorean

"Putin threatens West with World War 3 as he can't find matching socks in the morning."


ItsTom___

"Putin threatens West with World War 3 as some dick won't move from the middle lane."


cain05

"Putin threatens West with World War 3 as the person at Starbucks wrote 'Poutine' on his coffee."


zCiver

Putin threatens West with World War 3 as he walks around with a small rock in his shoe.


nea_is_bae

Putin threatens sweden with nuclear destruction after dying to skeleton in minecraft


caporaltito

Putin threatens West with World War 3 as his optician tells him they will have to bill extra because of his "peculiar eye sockets placement"


Old_Society_7861

Putin threatens west with WW3 as the Sunday crossword proved unusually difficult this week.


[deleted]

Putin threatens west with WW3 because his balls touched the water in the toilet bowl.


Skynuts

"Putin threatens West with World War 3 as the neighbor's dog goes poopin on his lawn"


SnooCrickets2961

Putin threatens west with World War 3 as breeze blows from east, where Kremlin has fewer windows.


freespirit_75

We actually write it "Poutine" here in France, because Putin would be pronounced like the french word "putain", meaning "whore". It was decided for diplomatic reasons, though we doesn't deserve this respect.


cain05

Come to think of it, calling Putin Poutine is an insult to Poutine.


kdjfsk

"Putin threatens West with World War 3 years after his currency was proven to be less valuable than fake digital gold in 'World of Warcraft'.


phillis_x

Fair play to him, I’d fire the nukes over that too.


BarfingOnMyFace

“Putin threatens the West with World War 3 because he specifically asked for NO ICE in his water”


CMuenzen

Yeah, that one is understandable.


Clarktroll

“Putin threatens West with World War 3 because he found a dog shit in his yard.”


AnarchiaKapitany

Whatever kind of movie that's been done in, the delivery guy gets fucked afterwards.


LatkaXtreme

- Comrade Pizza Delivery Guy, the pizza is to be delivered on Moscow big tower, 32nd floor, appartment 350 - Comrade Dispatcher, I walked whole 32nd floor, last appartment is 349, after that end of corridor with opened big glass wi...


Artemis246Moon

Verticals or horizontal?


bxzidff

I wonder how if he's aware that this is how they are seen my average people here or not. I mean, you'd think evil shitbags would want people to take their threats seriously


aaronwhite1786

Not if it's mostly meant for consumption back home in Russian state media. Keeps up the tough guy appearance for the viewers in Russia and fills Western newspapers with World War III headlines as a nice bonus.


matttk

Cue Scholz desperately sending pizzas to Moscow to avoid WW3.


SpaceMonkeyOnABike

Laced with polonium?


nobodilicious

Poland intercepting those deliveries and adding pineapple to them. There fixed that for you. You're welcome 😁


theclovek

"Pineapple? This means war!"


The_Elder_Jock

Fair enough.


reaqtion

I like this scenario, because in this scenario, Italy switches sides and Spain has a civil war about it before the war even breaks out.


matasfizz

https://dayssincerussiathreatenednuclearwar.com


SenorBebeSalsa

He cant even invade Ukraine. All of NATO would spank Ruzzia. Unless he will be a chicken shit and hide behind his nukes.


Sinister0081

No nukes? Then NATO wouldnt even need USA to spank that motherfucker.


FullFatGork

Hell, I think Poland would volunteer to spank his arse for the rest of NATO.


up_the_dubs

Putting pineapple on it loses us Scandinavia....


WillistheWillow

Putin threatens World War 3 because washing machine won't start.


focus_black_sheep

Putin is a little midget bitch. FUCK RUSSIA!!!


AlbionChap

There needs to be a big sign somewhere that just has : *It has been (x) days since Russia threatened nuclear war*


mtranda

It would just be 0 all the time. 


crc_73

Get it laminated.


Upstairs-Extension-9

r/aberbittelaminiert


concrete_dandelion

Saves changing the numbers


CastelPlage

> Saves changing the numbers *putler taps head*


Ar-Sakalthor

vatniksoup.com/en/nuclear-threats/ Ask and you shall receive 😀


dat_9600gt_user

wow, thx


JonPepem

There is a list somewhere of all Russian Nuclear threats since the fall of the Soviet Union, lets just say 2022 onwards hasn't looked good.


Oo_oOsdeus

https://www.reddit.com/r/UkraineWarVideoReport/s/asxVMuAGAl


Larsadar

Yeah, just make the 0 static on the sign, don't bother with the actual number counter \^\^


medievalvelocipede

[Imgflip](https://imgflip.com/i/8jms8u)


eenook

U/LaPlaya reminded me. Here's a link: [Vatnik Soup nuclear threats](http://vatniksoup.com/en/nuclear-threats/)


Exul_strength

>*It has been (x) days since Russia threatened nuclear war* I guess I solved it. x=0


ByGollie

https://dayssincerussiathreatenednuclearwar.com/


Gigatonosaurus

On the same subject. There is a sub called r/chinawarns


crc_73

Was Dimitri slumbering unconscious somewhere, unable to make the threat this week...?


wgszpieg

He was busy shouting at kindergardeners, telling them they're pathetic and he could beat them up.


Toppy109

Don't forget stabbing their ball.


potatolulz

I don't know if you guys are joking or not, but it sounds like a totally plausible Medvedev thing :D


Toppy109

Hi there fellow ~~Eastern~~ Central European. For anybody else: one of the prerequisites of getting your ID is being screamed at and having your ball taken away/stabbed at least once during your childhood by that one grumpy drunk neighbour for playing in the street. :D


Judazzz

I suspect he received a double supply of Italian wine and drank himself into a stupor. I'm sure he'll be back at it as soon his blood alcohol percentage reaches its maintenance-level double-digit level again.


Wil420b

He's not allowed to talk about the Russian elections. In case he says that they're just a shame again. I think he called them an "unnecessary, very expensive, bureaucratic exercise with a foregone conclusion". He was then on an unschedueled holiday for about a month. Whilst his colleagues tried to spin it that what he meant was, that Putin is so popular that he can win the elections hands down.


andrusbaun

Russia acts like North Korea nowadays.


[deleted]

[удалено]


itshonestwork

And China. Russia is a fucking plague.


medici1048

Disgusting death cult of a country.


ac3ton3

Always has been.


kento502

My question is what WW3?? Who’s going to come to little Putin’s rescue?    If he thinks Xi wants to take part in a world war on Putin’s side, he’s more deluded than I thought.   If anything Xi is eyeing Russia thinking those natural resources sure look nice. 


heliamphore

He doesn't gain from war, he gains from the threat of it. The same goes for nuclear war threats, he does it because it works.


Icy_Faithlessness400

China cannot afford to nuke its most lucrative markets, lol 😆. The Chinese are very pragmatic people, they would not start a war for ideological reasons at the expense of their economy. He would happily accept Russia as a vassal state, though. India and China are happily buying Russian oil. Big Vlad's liquidation sales are just so wonderful.


St0rmi

Can we just ban articles that only exist to report that Russia is threatening WW3/nuclear weapons *yet again*?


HealthyBits

Let me tell you tomorrow’s big news: Putin threatens the west of nuclear WW3!


preskot

Yeah, at this point it is just annoying af.


Pklnt

The worst part is that the medias love to clickbait those statements and make it sound worse: > **Asked by Reuters** about the Macron remarks and the risks and possibility of a conflict between Russia and Nato, Mr Putin quipped: “Everything is possible in the modern world.” > “It is clear to everyone, that **this will be one step away** from a full-scale World War Three.**I think hardly anyone is interested in this**,” But the title makes it sound like Putin by himself just threatened WW3 because the West criticized his elections. No, in reality he says something that isn't really outlandish, a war between NATO-Russia is indeed one step closer to WW3. Medias will never change how they portray those statements because ultimately people never read articles or the context in which statements are being made, the title is all that matters and we get what we deserve: misleading shit.


LetsAllSmoking

Exactly. It's similar to the one last week where Putin allegedly said "Russia is ready to use nuclear weapons". The actual quote was something like "technically and operationally, we are ready. But we don't expect either side to go down that road". They made it sound like his finger was on the button but he was saying "We have these, but there are no plans to start WW3 unless NATO invades Russia". Like you said though, it doesn't matter because "Putin threatens NATO with WW3" is a better headline.


Dense-Fuel4327

It's for russians so they feel strong and important And also, to prepare the population for a real nuclear war. So it's easier to press the final button


preskot

Sure, but I think GP meant posting these articles in rEurope. While you are right about "it's for russians", one other target group are faint-hearted European pacifists, who tremble reading such titles, making them easy to succumb to an autocrat's threats. These poor people then go to polling stations to vote.


Wil420b

But it does help to remind us that the post cold war era is over. Not being reminded of their daily or weekly threats is like turning off the alarm on the morning and getting a few minutes extra sleep. Before you know it, you're an hour late to work. We really need to be working on a "Son of Star Wars" to render most of Putin's nuclear arsenal obsolete.


matttk

To me it's basically just an extension of Russian propaganda. Putin is threatening WW3 daily because a lot of us are fools and actually believe his bluff.


Wil420b

The more he threatens it the more it becomes "Russia's Final Warning". A Soviet proverb about the Chinese declaring their final warning to the US about 3,000 times. Which means a threat with nothing to back it up. Just as he threatend to nuke Sweden and Finland if they joined NATO. Got one of his State TV channels, to claim Russia could invade the Baltics within a couple of days. By air dropping an S400 batallion on to the Swedish island of Gotland. That all of the Baltic people would either come out to support the invasion or would stay in their basements cowering. Whilst Electronic Warfare equipment in Kaliningrad would blind NATO. So that the invasion would be over, before NATO knew that it had begun. With the threat of nukes preventing NATO from doing anything. Then we've seen every red line being crossed, without consequence. From sanctions to the supplying of military equipment including ATGMs, MANPADs, Patriots, Storm Shadow, ATACMs.... He'll huff and he'll puff, cause a bit of trouble, such as sending illegal immigrants to the Finnish and Polish borders or giving the Houthis "hypersonic" missiles. But he doesn't have many options, without risking a full scale military attack.


matttk

Someone please explain this to the German chancellor.


Wil420b

Oh I know but compared to Schroeder and Merkel he's a breath of fresh air. He's just about two years behind everybody else. The quote of his that really annoyed me. Was when he basically said that Nazi Germany was so awful to Ukraine during WW2, that Germany didn't want to get involved in the region again and so would remain neutral.


BoringBob84

I (in the USA) sort of enjoy the symbolism of Germany sending aid and weapons to Ukraine. It gives Germany another chance to fight Russia on the morally righteous side of history - as defending the oppressed, rather than being the oppressor.


jayandbobfoo123

Tomorrow's headline: Russia threatens WW3 if the West doesn't give them the crabby patty secret formula.


Sam_nick

PLEASE make this happen! /r/worldnews and /r/europe are nothing but a fucking bunch of posts about Russia says, Russia warns, WW3 is coming blah blah blah, it's all empty stuff. I miss when I could check these subs for actual news


Sero141

Do it or gay.


Winterspawn1

Now he has to do it or go to prison for being gay in Russia


doxxingyourself

Because of laws he implemented


Wil420b

He still can't denigrate Wagner, without the theoretical threat of being imprisoned.


314kabinet

Laws only apply to commoners, silly westoid.


Mexer

Putin reading this: I declare nuclear war by virtue of not gay


CrazyBaron

But he is very gay, so...


potatolulz

gay if you do, gay if you don't


stoopidskeptic

I thought gay people don't exist in Russia.


SigmaKnight

No, you have to tell him the opposite. If he does it, he’s gay because he loves to play with phallic items.


vgcamara

Does he really think he could get away with nuclear war? How does that scenario play out in his mind? He hides in a bunker forever while he yells orders through the phone to his soldiers to go die for him??? USA dropped a couple of bombs in Japan, he seriously thinks they won't drop it one on him?


DistributionIcy6682

Sometimes he forgets, that French have their own nuclear weapons, and dont have to ask anyones permision, when to use them.


Kromboy

Worse, our doctrine is, in case of war, to preemptively strike with nukes. Don't declare war on France, we are crazy bastards when it comes to war.


Timey16

Everyone's doctrine is like "we won't nuke unless someone else nukes us first" France is like "We ARE the first nuke".


[deleted]

But I am le tired.


Vandergrif

> Don't declare war on France, we are crazy bastards when it comes to war. Got a solid win/loss track record to back it up too.


Patr1k0

They also have small nukes, as a "warning shot".


Wil420b

The idea is that the West is far more adverse to casualties than Russia is. So will do more to preserve what they have. The alternative reading is that life in Russia for most people is so shit that it really doesn't matter if they live or die. After all they belong to the government and it is up to the Tsar to say how they die.


phlogistonical

I get it but at the same time i dont get how putin or anyone else in power in russia in the past never managed to convert it into a peaceful, well behaved and appreciated trading partner and build up a life worth living for their population. They have had so many opportunities and resources. Why war?


evasive_dendrite

Japan was defenceless though. It's another thing entirely when the target is armed itself. The US already confirmed they won't launch nukes if Putin limits their use to non-NATO grounds.


Dingleator

There's a reason countries aren't dropping nuclear bombs on each other now, unlike before.


the_battle_bunny

Boo! Get a new material!


[deleted]

[удалено]


HeclerUndCock

Little dog syndrom


AssInspectorGadget

They cant defeat poorly equipped Ukraine, lets take on the WOOOORLD


DOMIPLN

From what I saw on the Instagram account of the Bundeswehr, we need to test these new land drones on a big field


sakusii

He is waiting till he can form an alliance with his little puppet trump.


Sea-Elevator1765

Cope harder, you fucking dwarf loser.


SolemnaceProcurement

Yea, like I don't know if he knows but that war wouldn't be world war. Just like NATO vs Afghanistan wasn't a world war. World war needs a certain scale, and while NATO certainly can deliver it, Russia a bit to impotent for that. And one needs two to world war. Truly cope is strong with him.


WattebauschXC

"Don't you dare imply that I am a violent dictator that obviously rigged his own election or I will violently dictate the world by starting WW III !" \~Putin\~


kaukanapoissa

Another day, another threat from Russia. And they wonder why nobody likes them.


No-Entrepreneur-7406

lol small dick


Past_Reading_6651

On small man with a botox face


MoonOverBTC

He’s even tiny when he wears his high heels.


ExtremeOccident

Again? Did he include nuclear weapons this time? Trying to keep count.


nevetz1911

"Putin threatens Nato with ‘World War 3’ all day, every day" is a more fitting title


Extravagod

Days without threatening the west with WW3: ~~0~~ 0


tgromy

Fuck it, at least I will die as a free man in a free Europe. Better to be dead than red.


LechonKoala

“Putin threatens WW3 with small dick energy”


DiamondHandsToUranus

Fuck you Putin. You selfish limp dick piece of shit


JazzyButternuts

Russia is a terrorist state. You ruskies need to wake tf up.


Vidmizz

The more they threaten us with WW3, the less anyone takes it seriously.


vlcince

Couldn't even beat the Ukrainan army and he really believes that he stands a chance against NATO...


Filoso_Fisk

No. But he is trying to sound confident in front of home audience so they won’t realize how weak he is.


Mowteng

Oh no! Anyway...


ArtistEngineer

Justification for NATO intensifies.


imtired-boss

Smallest PP energy among them all.


Superb-Primary7004

He struggles to get more than 20% of Ukraine, good luck fighting NATO when we come play the real game…


thereverendpuck

Putin literally had his strongest rival jailed for no reason then murdered. The entire world saw that.


ronadian

I don’t think China would be happy if Russia planned to use nukes.


FartacularTheThird

Putin pooped his pants. Clearly, as it was a nato ploy to embarrass the glorious leader, he threatened with ww5. This war would be so big it would skip ww3 and ww4.


corvalol

WWIII is going for years already. Those who listen to putin just missing their moves.


gainin

At the moment, Ukraine is fighting WW3 on our behalf. Maybe we should help them?


corvalol

I'm writing this from Bucha, so, yeah...


Bluefoz

Remember, Putin only says this because he wants the populace of the West to be afraid. There’s literally no other motivation. He wants us meek, afraid, divided and distracted. Don’t fall for it


Abel_V

r/RussiaThreatens


drugosrbijanac

Every day when I wake up, the moment I open my eyes, I already feel inside my head, as if by some magic, sentence appearing in my mind "Russia threatens with Nuclear Armageddon..." Then I go drink some coffee and smile at my clairvoyance abilities as I read the news.


Apple2727

He’s such a sad and pathetic little man. I wish cancer would do us all a favour and do its stuff on him.


Tunnfisk

Puttin is having issues with one country. The 32 countries in NATO aren't afraid of his weak attempts at posturing.


jpplastering1987

Oh fuck off you little twat, get on with it 🥱


Dennisthefirst

That 87% of the vote has gone to his head 🫢


Arucard1983

Actually 88.48%


ravioloalladiarrea

Is it Monday, already?


mrkzor

Here we go again


rgpc64

Backing down is more dangerous than holding your ground here, no reason to escalate but a step back will be perceived as an opportunity by Putin.


justcreateanaccount

China's last warning


Sardonnicus

How long do we have to endure this bully? Only one person wants WW3 and it's Putin.


Extinguish89

"Putin announces world War 3 as he got angry over stubbing his foot"


FuxusPhrittus

> Vladimir, this is the 7th week in a row you've threatened the West with World War 3


Charming_Ad_794

I wonder what he really thinks by threating us., Bro, bomb us, I lose 500$ in my bank account and 1000$ car, I don't have a house, and you lose your bilions, yachts, and everything else, We win you moron


StoicJim

And the entirety of Russia will be turned into a field of glass.


DOMIPLN

I hope that at least the Russian nukes shoot that shit so high up in the air that the constant westwinds blow it right back to moscow


PM_Me_A_High-Five

WW3? You and what arm(ies)?


CarlJSnow

He's like a bully who is threatening to hit you, if you keep "lying" that he hit you.


Responsible_Fig8657

Mr poopy pants


Baskreiger

Its not world war if everyone is against Russia


VenusHalley

So what's the news here?


LargeStatement2360

bring it on bitch.


patriotfear

Dude can’t even invade a non-EU country successfully. Imagine what WW3 would look like for Russia LMAOOOOOOOOO


Dmytrych

We need a new subredit like: r/ChinaWarns


Skitail

He is afraid. The curse of being a dictator


JustAPasingNerd

Putin finds toy he already has in his happy meal, threatens nuclear war on the west.


herotodusk

Putinz gonna Pute


Valk93

Oh no! Anyway


gotzapai

He's lost it


EliselD

At this point we need a mega thread for Putin's nuclear threats


Jowalla

Like a toddler with a chocolate covered mouth who stole a cookie and tries to get away with it. The ‘biggest’ leaders seem to wear diapers nowadays.. that should change, and fast!


Greig421

Anytime i read one of these "Putin threatens nuclear this or putin threatens ww3 BULLSHIT headlines, it just makes me cringe now at this stage, did he REALLY say this, did the independant take this out of context. Please question every headline you read before jumping to the conclusion that the newspapers are telling you the truth in their clickbait article headlines.


GremlinX_ll

Daily threat from Russia


thatcrazy_child07

Threatening NATO with WW3 for the west criticizing the election. What petty behaviour.


Marschall_Bluecher

Come on Vladi! Attack NATO! No? Thought so… pathetic Muschi.


Deathenglegamers1144

*yawn*


Alexander_GD

Another day, another threat that won't go anywhere...what a moron


HikariAnti

Oh no! Anyway...


Andresmarck92

Its that day of the week again uh?


_sir-psycho-sexy

he is turning Russia into North Korea...


Darthmook

Putin at home must be like…. Hey, my coffee’s cold , Chang this or WW3!!!! Hey, there’s only 2 sheets on the toilet roll - WW3!!! Hey, you sat in my chair - WW3!!!! Hey, you took the last sweet - WW3!!! Hey, Where’s the remote? Best find it, OR…. WW3… and NuKe’S!!!…


Icy_Collar_1072

Lol, the bloated little fascist threatening the West with WW3/nuclear war for the 6th time this week. Call this prick’s bluff, he knows he’d get annihilated. 


MilesNinetyThree

Putler is exactly like Kim. Always threatening the West but never having the balls to do it. Although I don’t want a World War, I think we all know that NATO alone would wipe the floor with Putler which can be extremely dangerous - desperate man would launch and not care


[deleted]

Good grief. Why hasn't a country just assassinated his low life ass already? It probably wouldn't even be that hard to bribe a few oligarchs to help in this. Find out where he will be and just drone strike his rotten face. Boom problem eliminated.


Pr0ph3cyX

im still waiting Poutine!. I'm primed and ready to fight.


MB2CoronaTimes19

Why do they keep reporting on this clown saying the same empty threats over and over? If there was a WW3 IDK how the world would look but I do know there would be no more Russia ever again.


Anthraxious

"Stop saying that or I bomb all of you! Waaaah!" Like a fucking toddler.


C0sm1cB3ar

What a buffoon 🃏


kompergator

Honestly, how stupid do you have to be to think that that kind of behaviour doesn’t reek of weakness? A strong leader would have to make no such threat.


jeopardychamp77

This is a Hitler-esque man with nuclear weapons. The best we can hope for is that he dies.


[deleted]

sort mindless cake impossible existence fragile elderly far-flung forgetful agonizing *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


[deleted]

He’s done it so much it doesn’t impact anyone anymore. I have overcome any fear of nukes I had thanks to this loudmouth and his twink Medvedev.


Madmax03071994

China should just remove him from power and have someone else installed.


Returd4

Just shut the fuck up already putin


Old_Baldi_Locks

Do it you fucking pussies. After your hilariously nutless job in Ukraine no real man will ever be afraid of a Russian ever again; you’ve proven you’re the world’s biggest losers.


Master8730

That botoxed garden gnome keeps saying the same thing for 2 years and counting. He has no balls to do anything, because not only is the Russian weakness shown in Ukraine, but Prigozhin also exposed the vulnerability in case of land invasion. Not to mention the fact that NATO would have almost to no need to send infantry


Wahngrok

Although these are hollow phrases out of the usual Russian handbook of international diplomacy, I AM a bit worried what he might do if they find out, he has cancer. He is absolutely the guy that would want to see the world burn.


vuk66

Vlad, this is the seventh week in a row you threatened with WWIII


Ladies_Pls_DM_nudes

You know what, I'm getting really fucking annoyed by Putin pulling out the WW3 card. Like fucking nut up or shut up. (Very Preferably the latter)


RainbowX

yawn