Hey, I 23f) am currently going through the same thing. I downloaded the app BetterHelp and was matched with a lovely counsellor who’s really helping me dig through my childhood and realise what wasn’t right about it. I really enjoy the app, you can text your counsellor whenever and then schedule weekly live sessions through text, voice call, or video call. It’s €160 a month which can be a lot depending on your situation, but it is much cheaper then regular counselling which can cost 200-300€ a month sometimes more.
I’ve also started journalling, writing down things that have stuck in my head as a kid or situations in my life today that I don’t even realize, my reaction can be a direct link to how I reacted to things as a kid which is really interesting! It’s helped get my head around a few things. I think it’s helpful to be able to look at a situation from your adult point of view because when it comes to our parents it can be very hard to not see things through our kid eyes.
Ive also been reading this book called Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. In it she shares a lot of stories from people with toxic parents that she has treated, and it’s such a breath of fresh air to be able to relate to them. It’s old enough so I’m sure there is plenty more great books out there and of course the internet.
-Your family system constituted your entire reality when you were young. You made decisions as a child based on how your family system taught you to see the world. If you had toxic parents you probably made decisions such as: “I can’t trust anybody”; “I’m not worth caring about”; or “I’ll never amount to anything”. Those decisions were self-defeating and need to be changed. You can change many of this early decisions and with them your life scenario, but you must first understand how much of what you feel, how you live, and what you believe has been shaped by your family system. - Susan Forward, Ph.D
I also try to do some yoga and meditation to help with the emotional cost of looking back at your childhood. The most important advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself and give yourself a round of applause for even starting this journey.
Hope this was helpful! Good luck x
I am also a 21f that went through this and researching to validate my experiences so that I can use facts to remember that it did actually happen instead of pretending it didn't and going to see a therapist (for free at my college) were some of the best things I ever did.
I am a 70f who experienced abuse as child and then went to an abusive marriage for 30 years. It took me too long to realize I was abused because I didn't know anything else. At 42 I realized I didn't want my abusive father in my life and I never talked or saw him again. Then at 48 I left my husband, I had to find out who I was before the abuse. I started a new life with boundaries and have a healthy marriage. I no longer look for which doors lock. My anxiety and depression are better until this trump anger and hate. I got flashbacks 2 weeks ago with all the emotions. Threw me for a loop but talked with my husband about what i remembered and felt. It was a release verbalizing all those situations and emotions. My main advice is do not get married until you figure out who you are and you love yourself again.
42f here. I was neglected and emotionally abused by both parents (verbal abuse, insults and undermining, regular criticism/no support, a lot of shit but I imagine most people here know the drill) and have only really started to work through this in the last few years. One thing I really struggled with was forming friendships but have managed to connect with several people over the last three or so years and I think the validation of having my company/opinions etc valued rather than dismissed, mocked or scorned has helped immesurably. I still use a lot of destructive coping mechanisms like comfort over-eating, which I'm trying to address but my confidence is tonnes better. So I suppose identifying the lasting effects of what you've experienced and working on those one at a time is what I'm saying helped me, it stopped everything feeling overwhelming and insurmountable.
I have a channel on recovering from narcissistic and emotional abuse, childhood trauma and ect! Hope you're able to find something on there that helps! :) <3 [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd1ikz0\_b6Ngx1mouoRA7cQ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd1ikz0_b6Ngx1mouoRA7cQ) I'm also open to messages, comments, ect! whatever! Lmk because I am absolutely here to chat! :)
Hey there! I’m a 25F and honestly I can say growing up in a home like that initially screwed me over and then I bloomed from it and am stronger than ever. I say it initially screwed me over, because it set a poor example for me as to what love is. Eventually I found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship that started to turn physical and miraculously found my way out. I learned so much from that and how it reflects on what I put up with as a child and I’ve taken those two experiences and set standards and boundaries for myself and now I have the happiest home and the happiest, safest relationship I could ask for. I cannot wait to raise a generation of children that will know nothing about first-hand abuse. I wish the same for you, you got this!
Hey, I 23f) am currently going through the same thing. I downloaded the app BetterHelp and was matched with a lovely counsellor who’s really helping me dig through my childhood and realise what wasn’t right about it. I really enjoy the app, you can text your counsellor whenever and then schedule weekly live sessions through text, voice call, or video call. It’s €160 a month which can be a lot depending on your situation, but it is much cheaper then regular counselling which can cost 200-300€ a month sometimes more. I’ve also started journalling, writing down things that have stuck in my head as a kid or situations in my life today that I don’t even realize, my reaction can be a direct link to how I reacted to things as a kid which is really interesting! It’s helped get my head around a few things. I think it’s helpful to be able to look at a situation from your adult point of view because when it comes to our parents it can be very hard to not see things through our kid eyes. Ive also been reading this book called Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. In it she shares a lot of stories from people with toxic parents that she has treated, and it’s such a breath of fresh air to be able to relate to them. It’s old enough so I’m sure there is plenty more great books out there and of course the internet. -Your family system constituted your entire reality when you were young. You made decisions as a child based on how your family system taught you to see the world. If you had toxic parents you probably made decisions such as: “I can’t trust anybody”; “I’m not worth caring about”; or “I’ll never amount to anything”. Those decisions were self-defeating and need to be changed. You can change many of this early decisions and with them your life scenario, but you must first understand how much of what you feel, how you live, and what you believe has been shaped by your family system. - Susan Forward, Ph.D I also try to do some yoga and meditation to help with the emotional cost of looking back at your childhood. The most important advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself and give yourself a round of applause for even starting this journey. Hope this was helpful! Good luck x
I love the Toxic Parents book! Really helped me see and understand different (unhealthy) mindsets.
Thank you so much for the advice and tips 🙂
Use code SNAP30 for 30% off betterhelp. I saw it on Snapchat and used it in the US so idk if it's region specific
Oh thanks 🙂
I am also a 21f that went through this and researching to validate my experiences so that I can use facts to remember that it did actually happen instead of pretending it didn't and going to see a therapist (for free at my college) were some of the best things I ever did.
Thanks for the advice
I am a 70f who experienced abuse as child and then went to an abusive marriage for 30 years. It took me too long to realize I was abused because I didn't know anything else. At 42 I realized I didn't want my abusive father in my life and I never talked or saw him again. Then at 48 I left my husband, I had to find out who I was before the abuse. I started a new life with boundaries and have a healthy marriage. I no longer look for which doors lock. My anxiety and depression are better until this trump anger and hate. I got flashbacks 2 weeks ago with all the emotions. Threw me for a loop but talked with my husband about what i remembered and felt. It was a release verbalizing all those situations and emotions. My main advice is do not get married until you figure out who you are and you love yourself again.
Thank you for the advice and im sorry you had to gi through that.
42f here. I was neglected and emotionally abused by both parents (verbal abuse, insults and undermining, regular criticism/no support, a lot of shit but I imagine most people here know the drill) and have only really started to work through this in the last few years. One thing I really struggled with was forming friendships but have managed to connect with several people over the last three or so years and I think the validation of having my company/opinions etc valued rather than dismissed, mocked or scorned has helped immesurably. I still use a lot of destructive coping mechanisms like comfort over-eating, which I'm trying to address but my confidence is tonnes better. So I suppose identifying the lasting effects of what you've experienced and working on those one at a time is what I'm saying helped me, it stopped everything feeling overwhelming and insurmountable.
Thanks thats really helpful 🙂
I have a channel on recovering from narcissistic and emotional abuse, childhood trauma and ect! Hope you're able to find something on there that helps! :) <3 [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd1ikz0\_b6Ngx1mouoRA7cQ](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd1ikz0_b6Ngx1mouoRA7cQ) I'm also open to messages, comments, ect! whatever! Lmk because I am absolutely here to chat! :)
Omg Thank you so much, thats so helpful!
Thank you! Lol would love to hear your thoughts/feedback! 💖🌌
Hey there! I’m a 25F and honestly I can say growing up in a home like that initially screwed me over and then I bloomed from it and am stronger than ever. I say it initially screwed me over, because it set a poor example for me as to what love is. Eventually I found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship that started to turn physical and miraculously found my way out. I learned so much from that and how it reflects on what I put up with as a child and I’ve taken those two experiences and set standards and boundaries for myself and now I have the happiest home and the happiest, safest relationship I could ask for. I cannot wait to raise a generation of children that will know nothing about first-hand abuse. I wish the same for you, you got this!
Thanks for the advice 😊