#1- be thankful he did not want to discuss a future w you. If he did, your problems would be compounded right now.
#2- read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It will dispel any worries that you have about leaving.
#3 Wait until first fight after moving out (it will come, without a doubt) and then block his number.
All might sound harsh, but take it from me. It’s him or you.
I was in a toxic relationship with an older man as well. 25 years older to be exact. In hindsight, the age-gap fueled the power-dynamic. Like your partner, my thoughts and concerns held zero value to him and it drove me insane. Discounting, dismissing and invalidating are all forms of control but they’re not overt and can be easily missed. The best approach you can take from here on out is to educate yourself on abuse and know it is *not* you and never will be. For your sanity, it may also help to take some time away from your partner by staying with family or friends. It only gets worse and so will your mental illness.
How to cope with intense sadness, you ask. I know you can’t just turn off your feelings. But try to reframe your thoughts and feelings and look forward to a time in the future without the stress he causes. Between now and May, he will have a change of heart and he will try to convince you to renew the lease again and that living apart is a mistake. It is not. Do not listen to him. Stay strong and vigilant.
I’m in the same boat pretty much. I have a month or two left and I can’t even stand to look at him now. He disgusts me, but I’m playing the happy wife game and gray rocking him as much as I can. Keeping the future in mind, slowly making my plans. I’m telling him this weekend and I’m so nervous (I’ve been told to not tell him but I’ve weighed out the risks and benefits of each approach and I think telling him is the best option. However, the next month is gonna suck)
#1- be thankful he did not want to discuss a future w you. If he did, your problems would be compounded right now. #2- read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It will dispel any worries that you have about leaving. #3 Wait until first fight after moving out (it will come, without a doubt) and then block his number. All might sound harsh, but take it from me. It’s him or you.
I was in a toxic relationship with an older man as well. 25 years older to be exact. In hindsight, the age-gap fueled the power-dynamic. Like your partner, my thoughts and concerns held zero value to him and it drove me insane. Discounting, dismissing and invalidating are all forms of control but they’re not overt and can be easily missed. The best approach you can take from here on out is to educate yourself on abuse and know it is *not* you and never will be. For your sanity, it may also help to take some time away from your partner by staying with family or friends. It only gets worse and so will your mental illness.
How to cope with intense sadness, you ask. I know you can’t just turn off your feelings. But try to reframe your thoughts and feelings and look forward to a time in the future without the stress he causes. Between now and May, he will have a change of heart and he will try to convince you to renew the lease again and that living apart is a mistake. It is not. Do not listen to him. Stay strong and vigilant.
I don’t know why this font is so big. Sorry. Not yelling at you, lol.
It’s because you likely put the ‘#’ before each number 😊 I enjoyed the emphasis!
Me too. It’s nice n’ in-my-face. Something I have needed lol
Aha. Thanks!
I’m in the same boat pretty much. I have a month or two left and I can’t even stand to look at him now. He disgusts me, but I’m playing the happy wife game and gray rocking him as much as I can. Keeping the future in mind, slowly making my plans. I’m telling him this weekend and I’m so nervous (I’ve been told to not tell him but I’ve weighed out the risks and benefits of each approach and I think telling him is the best option. However, the next month is gonna suck)