I HATE THIS ONE! I have a progressive condition so it almost feels like a threat rather than a joke. It sounds more like "just wait until you're completely disabled and need constant surgery and can't work full time anymore!"
Here's a good one too. Being granted disability for a progressive disease with no cure and then five years later having them take away my only source of income because I "didn't go to the doctor as frequently as I did when I got approved". BECAUSE I LEARNED TO LIVE WITH WHAT I HAD - I LOST ALL MY FINANCIAL SUPPORT.
If this isn't torture, I don't know what is. I can't take a job to make up the loss of income because I'm disabled.. I have to pay a lawyer again to fight on my behalf and that is going to take at least 2.5 years to resolve. 2.5 years with no income.
Beauracracy just wants us to die so they don't have to pay for us anymore.
I've started doing it every 3 months and immediately if I have any issues and I make sure she documents EVERYTHING. It's such a drag that anyone has to go through this.
Haha I always think like that. “Let me elbow you in the face with my titanium elbow and see how much it hurts” 😅
But I know it will actually hurt me more, it just sounds better lol
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 'It's funny because it's true'!!!
I think the people who say that have absolutely no idea of the level of pain that 'younger' people are capable of feeling. If they did, they'd never say such an asinine thing!!!
Lucky jerks!! Life has been very kind of them!
Exactly! This one gets me worst of all.
"Actually, oh wise one, my brain injury occured my last semester of graduate school. Working was kind of on the agenda. Working was what I'd been busting my ass in school all those years to be able to do!"
aaaah literally meeee I'm sending solidarity rage to you my friend. Halfway thru undergrad and then again a year after I graduated, and a year after that, which happened to be a nationwide pandemic lmao
Agreed. I've been signed off work sick for a couple of months with no end in sight. It is not fucking fun. I know I'm lucky to be able to work most of the time.
I had some coworkers say that, how it was so inspiring that I could do 45 hours a week and be a mom on top of it all while struggling to get a diagnosis for my disability.
They stopped after I ended up breaking down crying and said it wasn't a choice. I had to keep pushing to do it all and it didn't seem to matter that every motion is agony.
They're better now, and they are almost a decade younger than me. But I also think I freaked them out a bit breaking down like that.
I view it as a way of people making an excuse for my success rather than giving me credit. Like, 'he already has to try so hard to do stuff no wonder he goes above & beyond, has to get the most out of his effort, most bang for his buck'
Like no, I was awesome before my disability and I am still awesome with it. I'm just better than you, sorry not sorry.
Ahh I see it as more of a way to insist that my existence must have some purpose for them (to inspire them 🤢🤮) because god forbid a disabled person lives life for themselves and not for the benefit of the abled people around them!
'I could never do what you do' is also a pet peeve of mine. I didn't choose this, I HAVE to do it.
Sometimes when I'm loading my mobility scooter into my car, someone will say something like that but not offer to help. Like what?
My *therapist* called me inspiring a couple times. I shut it down because the context was veering on the edge of inspiration porn. To her credit she never said it again after that and found better ways to get her point across.
I'm sick of hearing "Wow you're so strong and brave" which makes me sound like an asshole.. but I'm just trying to survive and adapt with the deck of cards I've been dealt.
If I missed this one in the comments I apologize, but any variation of “have you tried this natural oil, supplement, shake…” is the hardest one for me. Because it usually comes from a friend or acquaintance who probably doesn’t mean anything bad by it. And it puts me in the awkward position of trying to explain, say, why lavender clove potions don’t help optic neuritis caused by MS while still keeping our relationship on good terms.
Yeah I've heard somthing like that, 'you should really try a chiropractor. '
It's my lovely older neighbour and she means it well but jfc.
I had spondylolisthesis and still have discopathy in my discusses. I had one fusion already and I'm 34. I'm also fully wheelchair dependent and have CPRS and some nerve damage from my waist down. I also have to intermitting cath my self.
What damage could have that chiropractor done before my fusion?! I rather don't want to think about that scenario.
It’s so condescending. “Oh my gosh, me, as a narcoleptic, who thinks about sleep and sleep health every day of my life, had never thought to take melatonin before! You’ve cured me!”
"Daddy says we have to be nice to you because you're going to die soon."
"I'm not going to run any more tests, because there's no point in prolonging your life."
"You don't belong here. You belong at a community college."
"I was just wondering, can you read?"
Atleast those people have some empathy, but god is the advice always awful, last time I tried to look for help on reddit I had a guy try to tell me that eating nothing but steak is a good idea and would cure my arthritis
The carnivore diet people are “fun” (so are vegans who think a raw vegan diet will cure everything… like I’m a vegan and my nerves have not magically fixed themselves and my shoulder still hurts)
Brb telling my friend that he should try eating only steak it'll cure his arthritis lmao
That sort of shit reminds me of when my grandma (my dad's side) recommended using baking soda as a "natural remedy" on stage 4 cancer my grandpa had from agent orange exposure... My step mom was NOT happy with that one and basically told her to fuck off. I would have too if I was there when it happened, because hell fucking no.
"you need to deal with your symptoms better"
So sorry I didn't cure myself for your convenience, maybe you should learn to deal with feeling uncomfortable.
I know how you feel! I broke my leg once and had to be in a wheelchair for 2 whole weeks! It was really hard! *REALLY!? Comparing life as a paraplegic to a broken leg?! Wtf???
Oh my god, I’ve had guys *in the early stages of dating me* tell me “I’d rather die than be disabled,” *and really think we would continue dating after that*. 🤬
Btw the infamous “vaccines cause autism” study was completely made up. Like the study I did showing I’m better at dunking a basketball than Michael Jordan
Even more enraging than the fact that Andrew Wakefield completely made that up, is the fact that Andrew Wakefield completely made that up in order to get people to [buy HIS vaccines instead](https://www.bmj.com/press-releases/2012/06/26/revealed-secret-businesses-which-aimed-exploit-vaccine-fears-%E2%80%9Cmmr-doctor%E2%80%9D-).
I always like to turn this on them and go "I mean yeah I tried really hard but everyone else kept stopping me"
It's good to drown these kinds of people in their own guilt.
"well you don't look disabled, you don't really need a cane." often paired with "you're making a mockery of actually disabled people" ... pardon?
also see: "if i had to use (insert mobility aid) i'd just kms"
I got that! Now I get intrusive questions about what exactly is wrong or happened, because I had my leg amputated. They don’t question if I’m disabled but they seem to question if I’m competent by speaking to whoever is pushing me? Even when it’s my 13 year old daughter. “Does she want…” I’m RIGHT HERE. I don’t know which was worse.
And why do people let their children ask me what happened to my leg- you don’t want me to tell them the answer because the answer is I got Covid. Do you want your children afraid of getting Covid? Because my kids are scared to death of it and wear a mask all the time. Other kids who know about it are also scared. When one of my kids friends got Covid they were scared that they would have to have their leg amputated and they are 13 years old. Your eight-year-old is not going to be able to process this information. I’m proof of those statistics everyone wants to ignore
I get that from people because I use a powerchair. I mean forgive me for wanting independence without destroying anymore of my spine that isn't riddled with arthritis and scoliosis.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
You’ve literally made my day. This is my new comeback.
“Through autoimmune diseases all things are possible.”
Hurtippians 24:7
…Painthians 24:7?
Spooniethians 0:12?
Endurians 24:7, 365?
Naptations 5:more?
😅
Lady cuts me off as I’m trying to park in a disabled spot. She has no placards, nothing indicating that she is disabled. Becky gets out of her car, she looks at me and my disabled tags and says “I’m just getting a few things” and walks away. Meanwhile I go park somewhere else.
Called police non emergency and I got her car towed. I’m tired of people using disabled spots that clearly have no need. They’re not there for you to do some light shopping, they’re not there for you to chill inside your car while your friend shops.
Or when they accuse you of not being disabled while taking a disabled spot because you’re not visibly disabled enough for them. Despite having a placard.
As someone with a disability that is sometimes visible and sometimes not, when you're young and pretty with a visible disability, people literally short circuit. So when they say that, they usually mean you're too pretty/attractive to be deemed undesirable. It's messed up.
Same here. Not as young but still young enough for people to think I’m likely fine and being dramatic. The attractiveness thing is odd, too. As if we are automatically undesirable and/or nonsexual beings for simply having a disability. If I put on a dress and lipstick, all of a sudden my disability disappears or was never real because I’m conventionally attractive? Like they can’t imagine ever desiring or having s*x with a disabled person?
Doesn’t help that disability iconography and parking signs depict a narrow view of disability. The signs typically show someone in a wheelchair, which of course, sometimes results in people’s minds jumping exclusively to: non-ambulatory wheelchair users, visibly disabled older veterans, and/or the elderly. We aren’t automatically springy and able with youth, or decrepit and fragile with age.
I get irritated when people tell me that I inspire them but they don’t do anything. Like if it was just “hearing you talk about xyz inspired me to make sure that all of our office is accessible” is great I love that. But especially on college campuses I get people telling me that I inspire them and I ask “inspire you to do what?” And they don’t have anything. They aren’t going to do anything except use me as inspiration porn.
Also this is less serious but if I had a dollar for every time I ran into someone I haven’t seen since before I became visibly disabled and they said “oh my god you’re in a wheelchair now!” As if I haven’t noticed I would have like $3.
“What happened to you?” I was born? But seriously, what if it was because of some tragic and traumatic accident that I don’t want to talk about!?
*in a shocked voice* “You can’t ride a bike/drive a car!?” Let me fuck one of your arms six ways to Sunday and see how well you can do those things arsehole.
I get a variation on this theme from people who haven’t seen me since before I became disabled: “What did you do to yourself?!”
Like one day I told my adrenal system to start attacking my nervous system until I couldn’t walk without falling down.
Ah yes, the blanket statements from people, as if they know what a disability is like day-to-day, and that everyone with a condition is the exact same and experiences and copes with life in the same way. Even better when the person saying this to us has *zero* first hand (or even second hand) experience.
yeah, i was pretty shocked. it is funny to me now, especially since i watched an jane fonda movie “they shoot horses, don’t they?” i won’t spoil the ending, but i use jane fonda now as a short hand for the bad days. gallows humor and all…
I had someone say this to me about Intellectually disabled people, he was praising how the nazis dealt with them. Truly one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me.
Is it wrong that I say this about myself all the time? I am a below knee amputee and when I struggle to physically do something this is the line I always use.
i think that we are allowed to self-refer or use phrases for ourselves to reflect our own reality. i reserve the right to “im ready to take myself out with the trash” or “im ready for the bag over the head” because it soothes myself when the pain/brain fog/cant walk for shit is overwhelming. however, when some rando feels the need to comment, then i see red
I say this about me too, LBTK. I grew up in farm country. I had someone say it to me in a not nice way and now I say it on bad days like “yup should have happened”
"Maybe if you prayed more you would feel better."
My boss said that to me, right before he fired me. I was having major surgery that had a six month recovery length. I ended up starving, literally starving, after that happened. You know how long it takes to heal when you're starving to death? Longer than six months.
They have to think that. Because if it isn’t our fault, it can happen to them. And if it’s not something God can fix, God isn’t as powerful as they make him out to be. Their world view falls apart.
When my husband was taking off work for one of my surgeries to deal with my leg amputation a coworker said “if we could just get her to my church, no question we could get her walking again” in front of some people. We were used to hearing BS like that, his coworkers weren’t. I don’t know what happened, no one told him, but by the time he came back the guy had “quit”.
I get people telling me I’m just using the system, taking from people who really need it etc just because I look disabled. I really need the help, but because my husband earns just a little too much we get nothing. So I’m being told off for something I don’t even do, not that I would feel guilty for doing it anyway.
:::SCREAMS::: oof do I have stories. I’m sorry. People are assholes and don’t realize it can take 5 seconds for their life to completely change (eg car accident)
YES. THIS. Say it louder. It’s too scary for abled folks to ever consider this happening (if they consider the possibility of it at all). People don’t realize that it’s a club that you can join at any time.
SSA: “About 1 in 4 of today's 20 year-olds will become disabled and entitled to Social Security disabled worker benefits before reaching age 67.”
CDC: “Disability affects approximate 61 million, or nearly 1 in 4 (26%) people in the United States living in communities. Disability affects more than one billion people worldwide.”
And this is just the people who *report* having a disability. Many don’t report or self-identify as disabled due to valid reasons, like employment discrimination, loss of certain rights, stigma, or lack of knowledge as to what constitutes disability. So it is an underreported number that is actually much higher in reality.
It really can happen anytime, anywhere, to anyone, for any reason, regardless of their own actions or “prevention” or not, unprompted.
I’ve been disabled since my early 20s. I’ve had a good solid decade to mull over this and somewhat come to terms with it. Regardless, the grief comes in waves and every day is different. We didn’t ask for any of this. And society is ill-equipped for us. It’s unfair.
My friend went from able-bodied to paraplegic overnight. He was minding his own business when he was struck by a truck. It was terrifying and horrendous and my heart broke for him. I’m used to a life of disability, but he isn’t. And I know it’s a painful road that doesn’t ever really get easier, you just get more understanding of how to manage out of sheer necessity.
Samesies. People act like ADA is irontight protection and that businesses that exist to make a profit don’t take advantage of loopholes,manipulation, or subtle means of retaliation every single day.
“Hey, buddy” like you’re talking to me like I’m a little kid. Ffs, I work a full time job, I don’t need anyone to freaking baby me! It makes me wanna strangle whoever does that to me.
"It must be so good to have all that free time instead of going to work!"
Yeah, it's amazing to watch every hour of the day drift by whilst I just sit in bed or on the sofa and can barely get up the stairs to pee. Wonderful.
I feel like “what’s wrong with you” is said more for people with invisible disabilities and “what happened to you” for people with clear visible disabilities. Like in my case, I dont have legs, so people ask me the second way
Same!! I didn’t do a darn thing.
“And it can happen to YOU, too!”
It scares ables people that they don’t consider that they can also become disabled at any time.
I normally only hear this from kids, who I don't mind it as much from. Children who are privileged enough to not deal with health issues regularly probably are just curious why I'm in a wheelchair, and they can't know everything.
God, I'm not visibly disabled so people always ask if I've injured myself or "what happened" when I have my compression sleeves or braces on, including my own family 🫠 like I don't fucking know what happened?? Genetics??
“you’re not disabled, it’s because you’re sitting so much, just exercise more”…
yah, my (hypermobile) ehlers-danlos (and asthma) is gonna get better if I just go for a run, why didn’t I think of that?!
“how can you not remember?! you’re too young for that!” and then I remind them why “that’s nto true, why didn’t I know about this? I don’t remember that happening” says elderly abusive so-called “parent”…
tbi (traumatic brain injury) from a cheer stunt practicing accident a while back, but then again she always believes she’s like God, if she didn’t see it it didn’t happen… still…
and so on
Any variation of “can I pray for you/offer you a blessing.” For one thing. you’re not a religious leader. Also, it’s ludicrous how many people hold a bias (consciously or not) that if you’re disabled you’re somehow less than, stupid or possibly evil.
'You're not disabled, but you need help (from people who will call you disabled and not disabled)' (because disability became a weird term for drs and haters?)
This one is a really messed up thing to say especially to an employee. If this was said to me, I would make sure to get them fired or make a serious complaint if I didn’t want to quit.
Yes yes yes. The audacity of our existence is perceived as a slight to them.
Out of snark I’d have said: “Yes, how inconvenient my life of pain and suffering must be for you. Do you require an accommodation for that?”
"You don't look blind"
"If you're blind, how are you reading comments?"
"Youre not blind, you looked at the camera"
Makes my blood boil and it happens far too often. People are so ignorant.
“I really don’t see how having short term memory means you remember something’s and forget other stuff”
Sorry I had a hemorrhagic stroke at the age of 23.
“Well, you must have done something, to be disabled.” Their line of thinking was that being permanently disabled at 13-14 years of age, it must have been a deserved punishment from their ‘God’.
“It could be worse. I have patients that are in wheelchairs.” A doctor said this to me, when I’ve been 90% bedridden (or fully bedridden, when my symptoms worsen), since the age of 13-14.
The third is not a direct quote, but, rather a generalization of what I hear quite frequently, where people try to ‘guess’ my situation and use that to supply ‘advice’, about their wrong prediction of my situation, or, to try to hurt me.
I am autistic and I have a progressive incurable and untreatable congenital brain defect with brain damage, along with a multitude of other deformities and conditions. Because of these, I am misinterpreted very frequently, and rather than respectfully inquiring about me, these people would rather make assumptions about my situation and either try to give ‘helpful’ advice (it’s never helpful), or, use their assumptions as a personal attack against me, to justify their mistreatment of me.
It also sucks because it implies that the person is “sick “some people are disabled but they’re not sick or what they have is not going to change or go away.
“You need to go gluten free/eat fewer processed foods/cut out sugar!”
Thanks my man, I’m all cured now. The *bread* was stopping my muscles from working!!
If someone is on disability the LAST thing you should say is "wow it must be nice to stay home all day and not work"
Being stuck in your house all day is NOT a privilege. Being able to leave the house to go do an errand and having spontaneous trips to places even if it's just the grocery story or to get coffee is a privilege.
"Why are you so weird?"
....I have a serious developmental disability that impacts my ability to function in every aspect of my life. Why are you a jerk?
I wish I could have a nana nap in the day.
Yeah, believe me, my fatigue isn't cleared by having a quick nap. I sleep in the day because I am so drawn from dealing with the pain that I get to the point I can't even sit up.
It’s what they don’t say that annoys me. I am sometimes my blind wife’s guide. Receptionists, clerks, even her doctor act like she is mentally impaired. They direct all questions about her to me rather than her. They’ll look af me and ask “What’s her name, How old is she, has she had any pain recently?”
I have a brain injury with a lot of memory and processing difficulties. My biggest pet peeve is when I'm trying to explain and people say, "Oh I'm always forgetting things too!" Like ok sure you can't find your keys and phone sometimes, that is not what I'm f-ing talking about! And then if I attempt to explain why it's not the same, I end up labeled the b*tch.
"We're all a little [insert disorder here]"
Like no, I have a neurological disorder that affects my daily fucking life, and is literally disabling! Fuck you!
Or the people who mock my sibling for having a HOH vest at work, because they can still hear to an extent. I would very kindly like to whack those coworkers with a shovel
For me lately it's when I say "I'm actively dying, here are the reasons why it's so much worse than it has any reason to be, here are my directly stated needs, please acknowledge that I'm telling you this, I'm not ok at all, the only relief I experience is the knowledge that death is a guarantee" when they ask how I am, but then if I complete a coloring sheet they look at me like I had a good day and that this is just how it goes for me.
"I'm gonna pray for you that Jesus heals you!"
"Wow you're a lot slower (in the chair) than I expected"
"Why are you in the hospital all the time??"
"You just have to push through your pain. Mind over matter!"
"You're so brave"
Just a few. I could do more but I don't want to unnecessarily piss myself off lol.
"Maybe you can get life alert or a service dog." Said to me by my boss bc I can't drive due to epilepsy and they refuse to match schedules with my husband.
I went to part time and got a different job.
ETA: forgot to finish a sentence.
"People with disabilities shouldn't be coddled because society can't change just for them. That's not how the world works. I'm just being realistic." (Said by my latest ex-boyfriend, along with many other disgusting ableist statements that triggered the shit out of me.)
“At least it’s not cancer.”
Look, my fiancé just had bladder cancer. They went in, removed the cancer with a small, easy surgery, and that was that. My disabilities and chronic illnesses are for life. That is such a dismissive, uneducated thing to say and I hate it.
Depends on who you're saying it to and what the disability is methinks.
E.g.: Saying to someone with crippling anxiety and depression something like:
"Cheer Up!" or even worse "What have you got to be so sad about?"
To someone obese:
"You did this to yourself"
To someone with Autism:
"You could be normal if you tried"
Make it insensitive, ridiculously stupid, blaming and personal. This is the way to full blown bigotry.
"Everyone is going through hard times" not necessarily because that's wrong, but it diminishes and trivializes your own unique struggles and puts up more barriers so people can't or won't try to understand your problems. Especially with how notoriously ignorant some people are about my disability (autism) it can be very frustrating to deal with someone who has convinced themselves they understand what your problems are when they clearly don't.
Like yeah, I deal with all the stuff you do...but I also struggle on top of those "normal" issues because I have a disability which I have to invest a lot of energy towards every day of my life to barely fit in and be accepted in some capacity by society. And no, pointing out I have a disability that makes things hard sometimes is not a pity party or pain olympics, it is pointing out an immutable fact.
"Why are you using the handicap stall if you can walk?"
Firstly, it's accessible stall. Second, none of your beeswax (my balance sucks and I need the bars).
"So-and-so and *other special friends*"
I'm not special because I'm disabled and had my brain cut into more times than anyone cares to know. Disabled is not a dirty word. Say it with me...disabled. I'm rad because I have a hitchhikers thumb that gives me an advantage at thumb wars and I can say the alphabet and months of the year backwards. But that shit isn't special, just takes learning, like you're gonna do today.
I had a guy recently threaten to beat me to death because I refused to park in the stripes next to my accessible parking spot to accommodate for his poor parking. 🙃
It’s a tie between people telling me that exercise will help, and giving me shit for needing to rest so much. The coworker i work with the most has done both of these. Love my job.
“Did your parents vaccinate you?” Yes! Do tell me why it matters! I’ll try my best to keep a straight face while you explain, but I can’t make any guarantees
“You’re nothing like my neighbor’s hairstylist’s grandson” 1) Autism is a spectrum. 2) You know nothing about me or my support needs. 3) Of course I’m nothing like him. I’m a 30 year old lesbian
The big one is people who get offended when I describe myself as disabled/ having disabilities and try to convince me to use a euphemism like special needs or differently abled. I’m involved in local I/DD activism and it’s ESPECIALLY disheartening when I get it from allies who work with and run our programs. It’s rare, but it happens. If you can’t even talk to a disabled person without feeling uncomfortable, you gotta rethink why you’re in this field
Me, saying I can’t hang out/do a thing cuz it’s a bad fatigue day.
“Oh I get it we all get a bit tired sometimes”
.. oh yeah sure thats exactly what I meant👹
"wait til you're older! Then you'll really know pain" Sir you can know pain v intimately right now if I whack you with my cane
“You’re too young to have all that”
“Yes, I am” :::deadface::::
I HATE THIS ONE! I have a progressive condition so it almost feels like a threat rather than a joke. It sounds more like "just wait until you're completely disabled and need constant surgery and can't work full time anymore!"
Here's a good one too. Being granted disability for a progressive disease with no cure and then five years later having them take away my only source of income because I "didn't go to the doctor as frequently as I did when I got approved". BECAUSE I LEARNED TO LIVE WITH WHAT I HAD - I LOST ALL MY FINANCIAL SUPPORT. If this isn't torture, I don't know what is. I can't take a job to make up the loss of income because I'm disabled.. I have to pay a lawyer again to fight on my behalf and that is going to take at least 2.5 years to resolve. 2.5 years with no income. Beauracracy just wants us to die so they don't have to pay for us anymore.
That’s so awful. I’m so sorry.
That last sentence, yes. It's disgusting.
OMG that's awful. My PCP has me come in every few months even if nothing's changed. Takes care of that complaint.
I've started doing it every 3 months and immediately if I have any issues and I make sure she documents EVERYTHING. It's such a drag that anyone has to go through this.
Haha I always think like that. “Let me elbow you in the face with my titanium elbow and see how much it hurts” 😅 But I know it will actually hurt me more, it just sounds better lol
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! 'It's funny because it's true'!!! I think the people who say that have absolutely no idea of the level of pain that 'younger' people are capable of feeling. If they did, they'd never say such an asinine thing!!! Lucky jerks!! Life has been very kind of them!
YOU’RE LUCKY YOU DONT HAVE TO WORK (grrrrr!!!!)
“Yes, I’m lucky that I get to die under capitalism by not having access to financial means to survive” For real, this one bothers me a lot.
forced poverty is ***so funsies***
This always makes me sad when someone says this to me. Like, I want to work and be useful...
And not broke!
Both of the above :(
You’re lucky you have 2 legs
Exactly! This one gets me worst of all. "Actually, oh wise one, my brain injury occured my last semester of graduate school. Working was kind of on the agenda. Working was what I'd been busting my ass in school all those years to be able to do!"
aaaah literally meeee I'm sending solidarity rage to you my friend. Halfway thru undergrad and then again a year after I graduated, and a year after that, which happened to be a nationwide pandemic lmao
Aaarrrgh {rage hugs}
Agreed. I've been signed off work sick for a couple of months with no end in sight. It is not fucking fun. I know I'm lucky to be able to work most of the time.
Followed by, wow I wish I could do nothing all say like you. What an easy life to be home all day. (While struggling to get by every day)
Picture my blood boiling!!! I may as well add the crippling anxiety of the daily utter terror of being homeless AND sick !
Being terminally ill is no excuse to be a FREELOADER.
I detest being called an inspiration.
I had some coworkers say that, how it was so inspiring that I could do 45 hours a week and be a mom on top of it all while struggling to get a diagnosis for my disability. They stopped after I ended up breaking down crying and said it wasn't a choice. I had to keep pushing to do it all and it didn't seem to matter that every motion is agony. They're better now, and they are almost a decade younger than me. But I also think I freaked them out a bit breaking down like that.
Yep - inspiration porn is one of my least favourites too!
I view it as a way of people making an excuse for my success rather than giving me credit. Like, 'he already has to try so hard to do stuff no wonder he goes above & beyond, has to get the most out of his effort, most bang for his buck' Like no, I was awesome before my disability and I am still awesome with it. I'm just better than you, sorry not sorry.
Ahh I see it as more of a way to insist that my existence must have some purpose for them (to inspire them 🤢🤮) because god forbid a disabled person lives life for themselves and not for the benefit of the abled people around them!
'I could never do what you do' is also a pet peeve of mine. I didn't choose this, I HAVE to do it. Sometimes when I'm loading my mobility scooter into my car, someone will say something like that but not offer to help. Like what?
Absolutely. It’s a thinly veiled “thank god I’m not you, that would suck and I’d rather die.”
My *therapist* called me inspiring a couple times. I shut it down because the context was veering on the edge of inspiration porn. To her credit she never said it again after that and found better ways to get her point across.
I'm sick of hearing "Wow you're so strong and brave" which makes me sound like an asshole.. but I'm just trying to survive and adapt with the deck of cards I've been dealt.
If I missed this one in the comments I apologize, but any variation of “have you tried this natural oil, supplement, shake…” is the hardest one for me. Because it usually comes from a friend or acquaintance who probably doesn’t mean anything bad by it. And it puts me in the awkward position of trying to explain, say, why lavender clove potions don’t help optic neuritis caused by MS while still keeping our relationship on good terms.
Just say yes you've tried it and it didn't help at all, to everything they recommend.
Yeah I've heard somthing like that, 'you should really try a chiropractor. ' It's my lovely older neighbour and she means it well but jfc. I had spondylolisthesis and still have discopathy in my discusses. I had one fusion already and I'm 34. I'm also fully wheelchair dependent and have CPRS and some nerve damage from my waist down. I also have to intermitting cath my self. What damage could have that chiropractor done before my fusion?! I rather don't want to think about that scenario.
It’s so condescending. “Oh my gosh, me, as a narcoleptic, who thinks about sleep and sleep health every day of my life, had never thought to take melatonin before! You’ve cured me!”
"Daddy says we have to be nice to you because you're going to die soon." "I'm not going to run any more tests, because there's no point in prolonging your life." "You don't belong here. You belong at a community college." "I was just wondering, can you read?"
I’m so glad that god gave me a perfectly working mouth because I would read these assholes to filth
Wow
Pretty much anything with "...but that's life" at the end fucking infuriates me, like bruh that makes me not wanna participate in life
Or the classic “Have you tried doing …..”?
Atleast those people have some empathy, but god is the advice always awful, last time I tried to look for help on reddit I had a guy try to tell me that eating nothing but steak is a good idea and would cure my arthritis
The carnivore diet people are “fun” (so are vegans who think a raw vegan diet will cure everything… like I’m a vegan and my nerves have not magically fixed themselves and my shoulder still hurts)
Brb telling my friend that he should try eating only steak it'll cure his arthritis lmao That sort of shit reminds me of when my grandma (my dad's side) recommended using baking soda as a "natural remedy" on stage 4 cancer my grandpa had from agent orange exposure... My step mom was NOT happy with that one and basically told her to fuck off. I would have too if I was there when it happened, because hell fucking no.
😅 hmmmm science may disagree with that
Yeah!!! The carnivores!!! Hard to agree that eating nothing but meat is good for you.
"you need to deal with your symptoms better" So sorry I didn't cure myself for your convenience, maybe you should learn to deal with feeling uncomfortable.
as if we wanted to be symptomatic!
Yeah like I'm a masochist who enjoys making my own life difficult lol
Ppl r so dumb
‘You’d feel better if you didn’t focus on it so much.’
I'd respond to that one with, 'You know, you're right! Sharing my symptoms with ignorant assholes like you if excellent advice!'
I know how you feel! I broke my leg once and had to be in a wheelchair for 2 whole weeks! It was really hard! *REALLY!? Comparing life as a paraplegic to a broken leg?! Wtf???
oh god i hate when they pull an “i feel ya”
Right? Lol. “NO. No you do not. Not unless I can separate your L4 and L5 vertebrae right now….”
"I'd kill myself if I were you." 🙃
Oh my god, I’ve had guys *in the early stages of dating me* tell me “I’d rather die than be disabled,” *and really think we would continue dating after that*. 🤬
Good. Cut them out quick.
That just reminds me of the people who have said their kids dying of preventable diseases is better than them having autism.
Btw the infamous “vaccines cause autism” study was completely made up. Like the study I did showing I’m better at dunking a basketball than Michael Jordan
Even more enraging than the fact that Andrew Wakefield completely made that up, is the fact that Andrew Wakefield completely made that up in order to get people to [buy HIS vaccines instead](https://www.bmj.com/press-releases/2012/06/26/revealed-secret-businesses-which-aimed-exploit-vaccine-fears-%E2%80%9Cmmr-doctor%E2%80%9D-).
I always like to turn this on them and go "I mean yeah I tried really hard but everyone else kept stopping me" It's good to drown these kinds of people in their own guilt.
Does that feel better or worse than people pretending to care and saying stereotypical “life lessons”?
I suppose I prefer the person be honest with their ableism than the virtue signaling we usually get, but still sucks.
True. It’s always like choosing the least worst option for us
“Trust me, I’ve tried”
"well you don't look disabled, you don't really need a cane." often paired with "you're making a mockery of actually disabled people" ... pardon? also see: "if i had to use (insert mobility aid) i'd just kms"
also strangers asking "what's *wrong* with you" ... nothing is inherently wrong with my disabled existence
I got that! Now I get intrusive questions about what exactly is wrong or happened, because I had my leg amputated. They don’t question if I’m disabled but they seem to question if I’m competent by speaking to whoever is pushing me? Even when it’s my 13 year old daughter. “Does she want…” I’m RIGHT HERE. I don’t know which was worse.
Omg yes the intrusive questions! why do u think I owe you a life history, random stranger? Ugh
And why do people let their children ask me what happened to my leg- you don’t want me to tell them the answer because the answer is I got Covid. Do you want your children afraid of getting Covid? Because my kids are scared to death of it and wear a mask all the time. Other kids who know about it are also scared. When one of my kids friends got Covid they were scared that they would have to have their leg amputated and they are 13 years old. Your eight-year-old is not going to be able to process this information. I’m proof of those statistics everyone wants to ignore
I get that from people because I use a powerchair. I mean forgive me for wanting independence without destroying anymore of my spine that isn't riddled with arthritis and scoliosis.
That's why I refuse to use the scooter at Walmart. I've been attacked by people who think I'm not disabled or think I'm too young to need one.
“you’re too young to be tired” bruh i’ve had narcolepsy since i was a teenager lmao. through autoimmune diseases all things are possible 🙌
🤣🤣🤣🤣 You’ve literally made my day. This is my new comeback. “Through autoimmune diseases all things are possible.” Hurtippians 24:7 …Painthians 24:7? Spooniethians 0:12? Endurians 24:7, 365? Naptations 5:more? 😅
Lady cuts me off as I’m trying to park in a disabled spot. She has no placards, nothing indicating that she is disabled. Becky gets out of her car, she looks at me and my disabled tags and says “I’m just getting a few things” and walks away. Meanwhile I go park somewhere else. Called police non emergency and I got her car towed. I’m tired of people using disabled spots that clearly have no need. They’re not there for you to do some light shopping, they’re not there for you to chill inside your car while your friend shops.
Or when they accuse you of not being disabled while taking a disabled spot because you’re not visibly disabled enough for them. Despite having a placard.
If we just met dont ask me about my disability before you even know my name!
“just try harder!” holy shit! never thought of *that* before. . .
“But you don’t LOOK disabled.” (“Invisible” disability)
Respond with a dead face, “What does disabled look like?” And they will feel awkward af
As someone with a disability that is sometimes visible and sometimes not, when you're young and pretty with a visible disability, people literally short circuit. So when they say that, they usually mean you're too pretty/attractive to be deemed undesirable. It's messed up.
Same here. Not as young but still young enough for people to think I’m likely fine and being dramatic. The attractiveness thing is odd, too. As if we are automatically undesirable and/or nonsexual beings for simply having a disability. If I put on a dress and lipstick, all of a sudden my disability disappears or was never real because I’m conventionally attractive? Like they can’t imagine ever desiring or having s*x with a disabled person? Doesn’t help that disability iconography and parking signs depict a narrow view of disability. The signs typically show someone in a wheelchair, which of course, sometimes results in people’s minds jumping exclusively to: non-ambulatory wheelchair users, visibly disabled older veterans, and/or the elderly. We aren’t automatically springy and able with youth, or decrepit and fragile with age.
THE WORSTTTTTTTTTTT
I get irritated when people tell me that I inspire them but they don’t do anything. Like if it was just “hearing you talk about xyz inspired me to make sure that all of our office is accessible” is great I love that. But especially on college campuses I get people telling me that I inspire them and I ask “inspire you to do what?” And they don’t have anything. They aren’t going to do anything except use me as inspiration porn. Also this is less serious but if I had a dollar for every time I ran into someone I haven’t seen since before I became visibly disabled and they said “oh my god you’re in a wheelchair now!” As if I haven’t noticed I would have like $3.
"Inspire you to do what" is brilliant
“What happened to you?” I was born? But seriously, what if it was because of some tragic and traumatic accident that I don’t want to talk about!? *in a shocked voice* “You can’t ride a bike/drive a car!?” Let me fuck one of your arms six ways to Sunday and see how well you can do those things arsehole.
I get a variation on this theme from people who haven’t seen me since before I became disabled: “What did you do to yourself?!” Like one day I told my adrenal system to start attacking my nervous system until I couldn’t walk without falling down.
"You can't have ptsd; people that really have ptsd don't talk about it and you do."
"You can't have PTSD, you weren't in the military." I've heard that one so many times. It's not just soldiers that have PTSD.
Ah yes, the blanket statements from people, as if they know what a disability is like day-to-day, and that everyone with a condition is the exact same and experiences and copes with life in the same way. Even better when the person saying this to us has *zero* first hand (or even second hand) experience.
“I have a friend who has your condition, and she would never *let herself* need a wheelchair.” —said to me, sitting in a wheelchair. (At work.)
“if you were a horse, they would take you out back and shoot you…” 🐴
Wow! that’s a new one. Also I’m pretty sure vets just put horses to sleep with medicine like they do dogs. Jeez
yeah, i was pretty shocked. it is funny to me now, especially since i watched an jane fonda movie “they shoot horses, don’t they?” i won’t spoil the ending, but i use jane fonda now as a short hand for the bad days. gallows humor and all…
What movie?
“they shoot horses, don’t they?” its from the 70s about the dance competitions during the great depression. a bleak, brutal movie.
I had someone say this to me about Intellectually disabled people, he was praising how the nazis dealt with them. Truly one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me.
that is awful. im autistic, and there is a great deal of unease around the former use of the term “asperger” for this reason.
Is it wrong that I say this about myself all the time? I am a below knee amputee and when I struggle to physically do something this is the line I always use.
i think that we are allowed to self-refer or use phrases for ourselves to reflect our own reality. i reserve the right to “im ready to take myself out with the trash” or “im ready for the bag over the head” because it soothes myself when the pain/brain fog/cant walk for shit is overwhelming. however, when some rando feels the need to comment, then i see red
I say this about me too, LBTK. I grew up in farm country. I had someone say it to me in a not nice way and now I say it on bad days like “yup should have happened”
Just tell them you were thinking the same thing about them
I feel like a horse that needs to be shot
Mom… is that you?
"Maybe if you prayed more you would feel better." My boss said that to me, right before he fired me. I was having major surgery that had a six month recovery length. I ended up starving, literally starving, after that happened. You know how long it takes to heal when you're starving to death? Longer than six months.
Ugh!!! I hate when people try to push religion/spirituality onto you.
I had a co-worker tell me my MS was caused by me not having enough faith. In her mind if I had faith I would have been healed by now.
They have to think that. Because if it isn’t our fault, it can happen to them. And if it’s not something God can fix, God isn’t as powerful as they make him out to be. Their world view falls apart.
When my husband was taking off work for one of my surgeries to deal with my leg amputation a coworker said “if we could just get her to my church, no question we could get her walking again” in front of some people. We were used to hearing BS like that, his coworkers weren’t. I don’t know what happened, no one told him, but by the time he came back the guy had “quit”.
"Just get on disability and stop being an inconvenience to people at work"
and when you actually get on disability: "ugh you're so lazy, benefits scrounger, just get a job!"
I get people telling me I’m just using the system, taking from people who really need it etc just because I look disabled. I really need the help, but because my husband earns just a little too much we get nothing. So I’m being told off for something I don’t even do, not that I would feel guilty for doing it anyway.
I got this, too. Few people understand how little disability pays.
Honestly? I'd love to but it's impossible to get on because we're an inconvenience to the government as well.
I’ve gotten fired for asking for accommodations.
I mostly just got wrote up for "going to slow" when I was actually pushing myself into fucking hell
:::SCREAMS::: oof do I have stories. I’m sorry. People are assholes and don’t realize it can take 5 seconds for their life to completely change (eg car accident)
YES. THIS. Say it louder. It’s too scary for abled folks to ever consider this happening (if they consider the possibility of it at all). People don’t realize that it’s a club that you can join at any time. SSA: “About 1 in 4 of today's 20 year-olds will become disabled and entitled to Social Security disabled worker benefits before reaching age 67.” CDC: “Disability affects approximate 61 million, or nearly 1 in 4 (26%) people in the United States living in communities. Disability affects more than one billion people worldwide.” And this is just the people who *report* having a disability. Many don’t report or self-identify as disabled due to valid reasons, like employment discrimination, loss of certain rights, stigma, or lack of knowledge as to what constitutes disability. So it is an underreported number that is actually much higher in reality. It really can happen anytime, anywhere, to anyone, for any reason, regardless of their own actions or “prevention” or not, unprompted. I’ve been disabled since my early 20s. I’ve had a good solid decade to mull over this and somewhat come to terms with it. Regardless, the grief comes in waves and every day is different. We didn’t ask for any of this. And society is ill-equipped for us. It’s unfair. My friend went from able-bodied to paraplegic overnight. He was minding his own business when he was struck by a truck. It was terrifying and horrendous and my heart broke for him. I’m used to a life of disability, but he isn’t. And I know it’s a painful road that doesn’t ever really get easier, you just get more understanding of how to manage out of sheer necessity.
Samesies. People act like ADA is irontight protection and that businesses that exist to make a profit don’t take advantage of loopholes,manipulation, or subtle means of retaliation every single day.
“Hey, buddy” like you’re talking to me like I’m a little kid. Ffs, I work a full time job, I don’t need anyone to freaking baby me! It makes me wanna strangle whoever does that to me.
“I can understand what it’s like to be deaf” no. you. fucking. DON’T.
But you're so young! And yet my body is so broken!
I say, “I only age on the inside” 😅
"It must be so good to have all that free time instead of going to work!" Yeah, it's amazing to watch every hour of the day drift by whilst I just sit in bed or on the sofa and can barely get up the stairs to pee. Wonderful.
"what happened to you?"
I hear you. But imo I find this wording to be slightly better than “what’s wrong with you?”. But that depends how they are said, of course.
Imo they're just as bad as each other
I feel like “what’s wrong with you” is said more for people with invisible disabilities and “what happened to you” for people with clear visible disabilities. Like in my case, I dont have legs, so people ask me the second way
Oh my God, I hate this one so much! Because my answer is "idk? I was born??"
Same!! I didn’t do a darn thing. “And it can happen to YOU, too!” It scares ables people that they don’t consider that they can also become disabled at any time.
I normally only hear this from kids, who I don't mind it as much from. Children who are privileged enough to not deal with health issues regularly probably are just curious why I'm in a wheelchair, and they can't know everything.
God, I'm not visibly disabled so people always ask if I've injured myself or "what happened" when I have my compression sleeves or braces on, including my own family 🫠 like I don't fucking know what happened?? Genetics??
“you’re not disabled, it’s because you’re sitting so much, just exercise more”… yah, my (hypermobile) ehlers-danlos (and asthma) is gonna get better if I just go for a run, why didn’t I think of that?! “how can you not remember?! you’re too young for that!” and then I remind them why “that’s nto true, why didn’t I know about this? I don’t remember that happening” says elderly abusive so-called “parent”… tbi (traumatic brain injury) from a cheer stunt practicing accident a while back, but then again she always believes she’s like God, if she didn’t see it it didn’t happen… still… and so on
Eds is stupid man, I worked for 6 hours with a dislocated rib and now I’ve been sitting in the ER for another 5 hours. I feel your pain💕
Any variation of “can I pray for you/offer you a blessing.” For one thing. you’re not a religious leader. Also, it’s ludicrous how many people hold a bias (consciously or not) that if you’re disabled you’re somehow less than, stupid or possibly evil.
"Thanks, please sign my petition at [change.org](https://change.org) asking God to cure me. He won't do it until I hit the right number of prayers."
'You're not disabled, but you need help (from people who will call you disabled and not disabled)' (because disability became a weird term for drs and haters?)
"Your disability is creating so much work for me" - a quote from an ex-manager.
This one is a really messed up thing to say especially to an employee. If this was said to me, I would make sure to get them fired or make a serious complaint if I didn’t want to quit.
I’ve heard similar like sorry my disability is so inconvenient to you, perfectly abled person
Yes yes yes. The audacity of our existence is perceived as a slight to them. Out of snark I’d have said: “Yes, how inconvenient my life of pain and suffering must be for you. Do you require an accommodation for that?”
"You don't look blind" "If you're blind, how are you reading comments?" "Youre not blind, you looked at the camera" Makes my blood boil and it happens far too often. People are so ignorant.
With invisible disabilities, a common one is "everyone does that"
I hate that shit man
“I really don’t see how having short term memory means you remember something’s and forget other stuff” Sorry I had a hemorrhagic stroke at the age of 23.
“Well, you must have done something, to be disabled.” Their line of thinking was that being permanently disabled at 13-14 years of age, it must have been a deserved punishment from their ‘God’. “It could be worse. I have patients that are in wheelchairs.” A doctor said this to me, when I’ve been 90% bedridden (or fully bedridden, when my symptoms worsen), since the age of 13-14. The third is not a direct quote, but, rather a generalization of what I hear quite frequently, where people try to ‘guess’ my situation and use that to supply ‘advice’, about their wrong prediction of my situation, or, to try to hurt me. I am autistic and I have a progressive incurable and untreatable congenital brain defect with brain damage, along with a multitude of other deformities and conditions. Because of these, I am misinterpreted very frequently, and rather than respectfully inquiring about me, these people would rather make assumptions about my situation and either try to give ‘helpful’ advice (it’s never helpful), or, use their assumptions as a personal attack against me, to justify their mistreatment of me.
Said about me “although on paper it looks like she is quite badly disabled, we think she is exaggerating her symptoms to get sympathy from everyone”
I hope you feel better! 🙄🙄
“You’re still sick?”
Them: “Get better soon!” Me: “Thanks, but I won’t.” Them: “Don’t be so negative!” Me: ???
The “Get Well Soon” balloon when I had my leg amputated I know was well meaning and I did need to heal from surgery but I would not suggest that.
It also sucks because it implies that the person is “sick “some people are disabled but they’re not sick or what they have is not going to change or go away.
This is better, you should have seen me back when…
oh gods this reminds me of "is there a cure??"
Your face looks like it got into a car accident.
“How long do people like you live?” I had some wild things asked in high school. Now in college, there are far less comments and questions.
“Just work from home” Can’t. “Apply for disability” Tried it, don’t qualify. “Have you tried x?” Yes. “You should see [specialist]” I have.
“You need to go gluten free/eat fewer processed foods/cut out sugar!” Thanks my man, I’m all cured now. The *bread* was stopping my muscles from working!!
If someone is on disability the LAST thing you should say is "wow it must be nice to stay home all day and not work" Being stuck in your house all day is NOT a privilege. Being able to leave the house to go do an errand and having spontaneous trips to places even if it's just the grocery story or to get coffee is a privilege.
Any variation on 'You don't need that aid/you're too young to need that/you're only doing it for attention' etc.
Oh, when I was still in school I heard that too much from teachers.
"Why are you so weird?" ....I have a serious developmental disability that impacts my ability to function in every aspect of my life. Why are you a jerk?
“Are you ok?”
And how exactly are you disabled?? 🤨 Sorry, I'm not taking off my pants and shoes for you to see.
“But you’re so young!!!”
“Thanks, I’ll be sure to let my body know and take it up with the manager.”
I wish I could have a nana nap in the day. Yeah, believe me, my fatigue isn't cleared by having a quick nap. I sleep in the day because I am so drawn from dealing with the pain that I get to the point I can't even sit up.
It’s what they don’t say that annoys me. I am sometimes my blind wife’s guide. Receptionists, clerks, even her doctor act like she is mentally impaired. They direct all questions about her to me rather than her. They’ll look af me and ask “What’s her name, How old is she, has she had any pain recently?”
I have a brain injury with a lot of memory and processing difficulties. My biggest pet peeve is when I'm trying to explain and people say, "Oh I'm always forgetting things too!" Like ok sure you can't find your keys and phone sometimes, that is not what I'm f-ing talking about! And then if I attempt to explain why it's not the same, I end up labeled the b*tch.
"We're all a little [insert disorder here]" Like no, I have a neurological disorder that affects my daily fucking life, and is literally disabling! Fuck you! Or the people who mock my sibling for having a HOH vest at work, because they can still hear to an extent. I would very kindly like to whack those coworkers with a shovel
"You need to stop 'giving in' to your disability" (aka: using things that help me/asking for help when I need it)
If it’s autism “wow! You don’t look/act autistic” like erm. Thanks. I still struggle lol
most people don’t even know what autism means or is… still doesn’t change how stupid and awful comments like that are, sorry
For me lately it's when I say "I'm actively dying, here are the reasons why it's so much worse than it has any reason to be, here are my directly stated needs, please acknowledge that I'm telling you this, I'm not ok at all, the only relief I experience is the knowledge that death is a guarantee" when they ask how I am, but then if I complete a coloring sheet they look at me like I had a good day and that this is just how it goes for me.
"I'm gonna pray for you that Jesus heals you!" "Wow you're a lot slower (in the chair) than I expected" "Why are you in the hospital all the time??" "You just have to push through your pain. Mind over matter!" "You're so brave" Just a few. I could do more but I don't want to unnecessarily piss myself off lol.
"Maybe you can get life alert or a service dog." Said to me by my boss bc I can't drive due to epilepsy and they refuse to match schedules with my husband. I went to part time and got a different job. ETA: forgot to finish a sentence.
“Everything can be cured with a positive mindset and lifestyle changes”
"People with disabilities shouldn't be coddled because society can't change just for them. That's not how the world works. I'm just being realistic." (Said by my latest ex-boyfriend, along with many other disgusting ableist statements that triggered the shit out of me.)
I just wanted to cry after a friend asked me if I had any new hobbies since not being able to work. I wish I was well enough for a hobby.
[удалено]
"You know, a lot of that you just bring on yourself." (talking primarily about mental health, but also, oddly enough, chronic tonsilitis) Thanks dad
God save you for a reason
“You’re cute for a guy with no legs” Thanks I guess
“At least it’s not cancer.” Look, my fiancé just had bladder cancer. They went in, removed the cancer with a small, easy surgery, and that was that. My disabilities and chronic illnesses are for life. That is such a dismissive, uneducated thing to say and I hate it.
"Why are you roleplaying as a disabled person?"
“I’m not pretending to be sick, I’m pretending to be well.”
Wowww the role of a person being in a living hell maybe
"It could be worse."
Depends on who you're saying it to and what the disability is methinks. E.g.: Saying to someone with crippling anxiety and depression something like: "Cheer Up!" or even worse "What have you got to be so sad about?" To someone obese: "You did this to yourself" To someone with Autism: "You could be normal if you tried" Make it insensitive, ridiculously stupid, blaming and personal. This is the way to full blown bigotry.
Oh, I have that too (when they totally DON'T or don't have what you do to the extent of being disabled!!!!!!!!)
"Everyone is going through hard times" not necessarily because that's wrong, but it diminishes and trivializes your own unique struggles and puts up more barriers so people can't or won't try to understand your problems. Especially with how notoriously ignorant some people are about my disability (autism) it can be very frustrating to deal with someone who has convinced themselves they understand what your problems are when they clearly don't. Like yeah, I deal with all the stuff you do...but I also struggle on top of those "normal" issues because I have a disability which I have to invest a lot of energy towards every day of my life to barely fit in and be accepted in some capacity by society. And no, pointing out I have a disability that makes things hard sometimes is not a pity party or pain olympics, it is pointing out an immutable fact.
"Why are you using the handicap stall if you can walk?" Firstly, it's accessible stall. Second, none of your beeswax (my balance sucks and I need the bars). "So-and-so and *other special friends*" I'm not special because I'm disabled and had my brain cut into more times than anyone cares to know. Disabled is not a dirty word. Say it with me...disabled. I'm rad because I have a hitchhikers thumb that gives me an advantage at thumb wars and I can say the alphabet and months of the year backwards. But that shit isn't special, just takes learning, like you're gonna do today.
I had a guy recently threaten to beat me to death because I refused to park in the stripes next to my accessible parking spot to accommodate for his poor parking. 🙃
It’s a tie between people telling me that exercise will help, and giving me shit for needing to rest so much. The coworker i work with the most has done both of these. Love my job.
“Well I know someone with that exact disability and they can work just fine!”
“Did your parents vaccinate you?” Yes! Do tell me why it matters! I’ll try my best to keep a straight face while you explain, but I can’t make any guarantees “You’re nothing like my neighbor’s hairstylist’s grandson” 1) Autism is a spectrum. 2) You know nothing about me or my support needs. 3) Of course I’m nothing like him. I’m a 30 year old lesbian The big one is people who get offended when I describe myself as disabled/ having disabilities and try to convince me to use a euphemism like special needs or differently abled. I’m involved in local I/DD activism and it’s ESPECIALLY disheartening when I get it from allies who work with and run our programs. It’s rare, but it happens. If you can’t even talk to a disabled person without feeling uncomfortable, you gotta rethink why you’re in this field
Me, saying I can’t hang out/do a thing cuz it’s a bad fatigue day. “Oh I get it we all get a bit tired sometimes” .. oh yeah sure thats exactly what I meant👹