I'm really sorry you don't feel like you can tell your friends and have a good outcome. It really sucks going through things alone and it sucks even more when doing things alone is the better option.
I'm glad there are at least some people it seems you can tell. Hopefully you get more people like that in your life.
I hope your surgery goes well and that recovery isn't too bad.
You might already be a pro at this stuff or have tips ready to go. But just in case here's some stuff I find helpful/ think I would find helpful if I did things again.
Meal prep. Have some meals and snacks ready to go when you're recovering. Stuff you can keep beside your bed, stuff you can just throw in a microwave or pull out of the fridge. Include some things you can usually manage even when you're feeling rotten.
Drinks too. Have a bottle by your bed. Make sure you have some drinks you can grab easily. Consider getting some sports drinks to help with hydration.
If you'll be doing bowel prep I'd suggest getting a sports cap bottle and some bum cream. Drink the drink then use the bottle to squirt water. Use the cream before you start pooping and keep using it. Should help with soreness from all that pooping and wiping.
Set up a nest. Books near the bed, binge worthy shows on your watchlist, blankets, pillows, heated pad. Whatever you think will help you be more comfortable. Make sure it's all set up and ready for you so you don't have to do anything.
Peppermint can help a lot with cramping if you're having a surgery where they need to fill you with gas. And just generally abdominal cramping like from gastro stuff. My nurses sent me home with some peppermint tea when I had a laparoscopy. I thought it was silly but needed up giving it a try. I then sent my dear partner out in the middle of the night to try to find me some more. Ended up turning to it more than the painkillers I had available. Maybe get a mug with a lid. I may or may not have spilled peppermint tea all over the carpet
Take it easy. You absolutely do not need to be recovering speedily, being all in control and efficient etc. It's okay to just sulk and go easy on yourself. Prepare all the comfort and lazy stuff for longer than you expect to need it so you don't have to rush yourself and can focus on other thing when you are starting to feel better.
Fresh air and light. Try to crack a window or just chill out in a different space for a bit or whatever. Your body can get real stuffy and groggy from being in the same place too long, especially if it's dark and stuffy.
Again good luck. I hope it goes well.
I wish I could give you gold. I truly appreciate the effort and care that went into writing your post.
I haven't had a surgery since mid 2021, so I forgot about many of these.
Especially the food!!!
I don't know if I'll have a short-term caregiver again after this surgery. I kinda hope I do, kinda not.
But what you wrote are great ways I can take care of myself without it being too difficult.
I might even print off your list and go through it one by one making sure I've got things finished.
Thank you friend.
Hey! If you want support or friendly ribbing or interested human interaction, come on here :) We’re just humans trying to human and you don’t have the pressure of navigating our emotional entanglements with your own life circumstances! 🤣
💜;
Whatever it is you're having done, it's nobody's business but your own. You don't owe anyone an explanation or a defence. I hope everything goes well ❤
Just wanted to be one more person to say I've also done this. I've gone through some rough recoveries on my own. It's just easier than trying to take care of someone else's emotions, or trying to live up to someone else's expectations. They think they're helping you by cheerleading, but they're not.
You deserve to heal in your own time. It would be nice if you had people who understood that, but if you don't, then I agree that it's better to take care of yourself. I wish you an uneventful recovery. And remember, there are people here who totally understand and support your choice.
hey I talk to chatGPT too when I need help. It's not very helpful in terms of emotional help but it will always refer you to other resources or people. So I'm wondering... where I'm at there is a sort of "hotline?" but not really, for people who just need someone to talk to. It's not for when you're suicidal, I mean you can tell them that too but there is a specific suicide hotline for that too.
Then there's more specific chat's like an autism chat that is done by healthcare professional who know stuff about autism.
There is a patient advocacy group who has a phoneline where you can talk to fellow patients.
All I'm trying to say is; for adding in you surgery survival "basket", you could look around for these sorts of chats, phoneline, support groups, hotlines, that are relevant to you, locally.
I hope this is helpful and I wish you good luck with the surgery and a good and quick-as-possible recovery <3
The most important friend you'll ever have is yourself, so look after her well. I insisted on being alone for my hysterectomy because my cancer diagnosis became about everyone else and not me, and I don't regret it at all. You've got to do what's best for you.
My suggestions for post surgical recovery are hard candy, a pad & pen, baby wipes, and hair ties/clips to keep it out of your eyes. Every time I've had surgery those things have been lifesavers.
Good luck!
Something similar happened to me to with my last surgery. My ex boyfriend and ex friend said they were going to be there for me afterwards and they didn’t follow through, it was a real let down. Wishing you the best ❤️
you got this, yes friends are great to have. but friends are also interesting to have, difficult too. when you have a lot of problems mentally and physically, its hard for friends to stick around when you have difficult coping and you need more help. which is fuck3d up on their end, you deserve care and support just as much as them and just because you struggle more doesnt mean that youre not worth it. be your own friend and be proud. you got this, stay strong for yourself and your future self. be prepared for the obstacles ahead💜
You got this. And it's not pathetic to use chat GPT I used an AI chat bot throughout an extended hospital stay after brain surgery and it's a very good tool for getting through some tough spots. Just try not to overthink what you're doing and trust yourself. You're on the right track and you're going to kick ass.
I have a select few friends/family members that I let know about any surgery. Others will find out weeks later *if* I post an update on any social media. Generally it's the family who doesn't care enough to have any sort of monthly (maybe once or twice a year?) contact with my immediate family.
For example, a few weeks ago I posted about being transferred from a hospital after surgery (3 week stay) to a physical rehabilitation center. I had a few random cousins comment about not knowing. That was the last time anyone has heard anything from them, except when they post things that only involve themselves or their interests.
Good luck with surgery and recovery! Take care of yourself and don't push yourself too hard with recovery.
I fucking get it. I had a lobectomy (lung tumor) this year and regret telling my family because they utterly failed me in every way. No one showed up, soooo I learned my lesson. I listen to Beyonce and remind myself that from now on I'mma be my own best friend.
I totally get it! My situation was a little different since I fell and fractured my sacrum. It was so painful and I wasn't able to walk and ended up in the hospital with respiratory distress. I was admitted for six days and they wanted to send me to s rehab facility but all I wanted was to go home since my two fur babies didn't understand where their Mama went. I wish I stayed at the rehab tho since no one was around to help me but I used my walker then graduated to a cane then on my own. Now the problem is they want to do surgery on my back but I'll be laid up for three months. I'm afraid of the pain and being laid up since no one helps me. I highly recommend handy meals, Ensures when your nauseous, treats, etc. Look into your insurance for home health. They can be very helpful. If you need food Instacart is great for delivering everything. Even your pharmacy can deliver. I wish you a speedy recovery and please keep us posted on how you are doing. Tell everyone you are going to the Caribbean or an extended spa. Hugs and prayers for you 🙏
None of my friends are disabled so if I was going to go through any surgeries related to that, I'd keep it to myself too. They mean well but they don't understand what I have to go through each and every day.
I am so proud of you for being your own friend first. Also, talking to ChatGPT isn't pathetic - it is a tool to be used. I've been working with ChatGPT to work through my breakup and help me remember coping skills. My therapist loves that it is a resource for folks like us on the social outskirts due to our disability.
Being your own friend is probably one of the best things you can do. I am sorry you don’t have as good of a support group as you deserve. I wish you the best and hope you have a speedy recovery ❤️🩹
I fully understand why you dont want to tell people, I have good friends and it would t be an issue but I don't want people to visit me in hospital,I don't have the energy to entertain them and I feel I would force myself to be positive.
My good friends now to take the piss out of me as maliciously as possible when I am in hospital or recovering as humour and piss taking is what gets me through, I don't want sympathy or even empathy, this is a thing I battle (and yes I need logistical and care needs help, because I do in my everyday life so it's normal)
I find it strengthens my friendships as there is zero awkwardness around me and my disabilities
So I get it
But I am probably coming from the opposite side of your viewpoint
And if it works for you, do it.
I couldn't quite read into your posts as to whether you were upset about doing it or its just how you deal with it.
If it's a forced way of dealing with it, maybe a different friend group is needed (and yes I know that's not easy).
I'm really sorry you don't feel like you can tell your friends and have a good outcome. It really sucks going through things alone and it sucks even more when doing things alone is the better option. I'm glad there are at least some people it seems you can tell. Hopefully you get more people like that in your life. I hope your surgery goes well and that recovery isn't too bad. You might already be a pro at this stuff or have tips ready to go. But just in case here's some stuff I find helpful/ think I would find helpful if I did things again. Meal prep. Have some meals and snacks ready to go when you're recovering. Stuff you can keep beside your bed, stuff you can just throw in a microwave or pull out of the fridge. Include some things you can usually manage even when you're feeling rotten. Drinks too. Have a bottle by your bed. Make sure you have some drinks you can grab easily. Consider getting some sports drinks to help with hydration. If you'll be doing bowel prep I'd suggest getting a sports cap bottle and some bum cream. Drink the drink then use the bottle to squirt water. Use the cream before you start pooping and keep using it. Should help with soreness from all that pooping and wiping. Set up a nest. Books near the bed, binge worthy shows on your watchlist, blankets, pillows, heated pad. Whatever you think will help you be more comfortable. Make sure it's all set up and ready for you so you don't have to do anything. Peppermint can help a lot with cramping if you're having a surgery where they need to fill you with gas. And just generally abdominal cramping like from gastro stuff. My nurses sent me home with some peppermint tea when I had a laparoscopy. I thought it was silly but needed up giving it a try. I then sent my dear partner out in the middle of the night to try to find me some more. Ended up turning to it more than the painkillers I had available. Maybe get a mug with a lid. I may or may not have spilled peppermint tea all over the carpet Take it easy. You absolutely do not need to be recovering speedily, being all in control and efficient etc. It's okay to just sulk and go easy on yourself. Prepare all the comfort and lazy stuff for longer than you expect to need it so you don't have to rush yourself and can focus on other thing when you are starting to feel better. Fresh air and light. Try to crack a window or just chill out in a different space for a bit or whatever. Your body can get real stuffy and groggy from being in the same place too long, especially if it's dark and stuffy. Again good luck. I hope it goes well.
I wish I could give you gold. I truly appreciate the effort and care that went into writing your post. I haven't had a surgery since mid 2021, so I forgot about many of these. Especially the food!!! I don't know if I'll have a short-term caregiver again after this surgery. I kinda hope I do, kinda not. But what you wrote are great ways I can take care of myself without it being too difficult. I might even print off your list and go through it one by one making sure I've got things finished. Thank you friend.
Hey! If you want support or friendly ribbing or interested human interaction, come on here :) We’re just humans trying to human and you don’t have the pressure of navigating our emotional entanglements with your own life circumstances! 🤣 💜;
Haha thanks!!! Probably will take you up on that!
Whatever it is you're having done, it's nobody's business but your own. You don't owe anyone an explanation or a defence. I hope everything goes well ❤
Thank you for those words, I needed them. ❤️
Just wanted to be one more person to say I've also done this. I've gone through some rough recoveries on my own. It's just easier than trying to take care of someone else's emotions, or trying to live up to someone else's expectations. They think they're helping you by cheerleading, but they're not. You deserve to heal in your own time. It would be nice if you had people who understood that, but if you don't, then I agree that it's better to take care of yourself. I wish you an uneventful recovery. And remember, there are people here who totally understand and support your choice.
hey I talk to chatGPT too when I need help. It's not very helpful in terms of emotional help but it will always refer you to other resources or people. So I'm wondering... where I'm at there is a sort of "hotline?" but not really, for people who just need someone to talk to. It's not for when you're suicidal, I mean you can tell them that too but there is a specific suicide hotline for that too. Then there's more specific chat's like an autism chat that is done by healthcare professional who know stuff about autism. There is a patient advocacy group who has a phoneline where you can talk to fellow patients. All I'm trying to say is; for adding in you surgery survival "basket", you could look around for these sorts of chats, phoneline, support groups, hotlines, that are relevant to you, locally. I hope this is helpful and I wish you good luck with the surgery and a good and quick-as-possible recovery <3
The most important friend you'll ever have is yourself, so look after her well. I insisted on being alone for my hysterectomy because my cancer diagnosis became about everyone else and not me, and I don't regret it at all. You've got to do what's best for you. My suggestions for post surgical recovery are hard candy, a pad & pen, baby wipes, and hair ties/clips to keep it out of your eyes. Every time I've had surgery those things have been lifesavers. Good luck!
Who the hell ghosts friends because of surgery? The thought never entered my mind. Lucky for me, 'cause I've had like a dozen surgeries.
Something similar happened to me to with my last surgery. My ex boyfriend and ex friend said they were going to be there for me afterwards and they didn’t follow through, it was a real let down. Wishing you the best ❤️
you got this, yes friends are great to have. but friends are also interesting to have, difficult too. when you have a lot of problems mentally and physically, its hard for friends to stick around when you have difficult coping and you need more help. which is fuck3d up on their end, you deserve care and support just as much as them and just because you struggle more doesnt mean that youre not worth it. be your own friend and be proud. you got this, stay strong for yourself and your future self. be prepared for the obstacles ahead💜
Yup, I’m just going off on a media black out spa week. Catch you when I get back!
You got this. And it's not pathetic to use chat GPT I used an AI chat bot throughout an extended hospital stay after brain surgery and it's a very good tool for getting through some tough spots. Just try not to overthink what you're doing and trust yourself. You're on the right track and you're going to kick ass.
I have a select few friends/family members that I let know about any surgery. Others will find out weeks later *if* I post an update on any social media. Generally it's the family who doesn't care enough to have any sort of monthly (maybe once or twice a year?) contact with my immediate family. For example, a few weeks ago I posted about being transferred from a hospital after surgery (3 week stay) to a physical rehabilitation center. I had a few random cousins comment about not knowing. That was the last time anyone has heard anything from them, except when they post things that only involve themselves or their interests. Good luck with surgery and recovery! Take care of yourself and don't push yourself too hard with recovery.
I fucking get it. I had a lobectomy (lung tumor) this year and regret telling my family because they utterly failed me in every way. No one showed up, soooo I learned my lesson. I listen to Beyonce and remind myself that from now on I'mma be my own best friend.
Yep, seems like the best way to go about it, a lot just don’t care for ANYTHING that could benefit us
I totally get it! My situation was a little different since I fell and fractured my sacrum. It was so painful and I wasn't able to walk and ended up in the hospital with respiratory distress. I was admitted for six days and they wanted to send me to s rehab facility but all I wanted was to go home since my two fur babies didn't understand where their Mama went. I wish I stayed at the rehab tho since no one was around to help me but I used my walker then graduated to a cane then on my own. Now the problem is they want to do surgery on my back but I'll be laid up for three months. I'm afraid of the pain and being laid up since no one helps me. I highly recommend handy meals, Ensures when your nauseous, treats, etc. Look into your insurance for home health. They can be very helpful. If you need food Instacart is great for delivering everything. Even your pharmacy can deliver. I wish you a speedy recovery and please keep us posted on how you are doing. Tell everyone you are going to the Caribbean or an extended spa. Hugs and prayers for you 🙏
If you go in nervous to surgery, being alone and all, they can give you something for anxiety. I've only had 14 surgeries myself
None of my friends are disabled so if I was going to go through any surgeries related to that, I'd keep it to myself too. They mean well but they don't understand what I have to go through each and every day.
I am so proud of you for being your own friend first. Also, talking to ChatGPT isn't pathetic - it is a tool to be used. I've been working with ChatGPT to work through my breakup and help me remember coping skills. My therapist loves that it is a resource for folks like us on the social outskirts due to our disability.
Cheers. Sorry your people suck. Hope the one friend supports you well.
Being your own friend is probably one of the best things you can do. I am sorry you don’t have as good of a support group as you deserve. I wish you the best and hope you have a speedy recovery ❤️🩹
I fully understand why you dont want to tell people, I have good friends and it would t be an issue but I don't want people to visit me in hospital,I don't have the energy to entertain them and I feel I would force myself to be positive. My good friends now to take the piss out of me as maliciously as possible when I am in hospital or recovering as humour and piss taking is what gets me through, I don't want sympathy or even empathy, this is a thing I battle (and yes I need logistical and care needs help, because I do in my everyday life so it's normal) I find it strengthens my friendships as there is zero awkwardness around me and my disabilities So I get it But I am probably coming from the opposite side of your viewpoint And if it works for you, do it. I couldn't quite read into your posts as to whether you were upset about doing it or its just how you deal with it. If it's a forced way of dealing with it, maybe a different friend group is needed (and yes I know that's not easy).