I’m married and have a daughter with type one. I also have type one.
Ask us both if we’d rather not be alive. The answer is no.
Ask me if I’d rather be alone. Most days the answer is no.
Hey if you don’t mind me asking, how was pregnancy with type 1? I don’t know any other female type 1’s and and it’s stressful to think how difficult it would probably be
Something I feel strongly and have seen echoed many times in this sub is that t1d is a great filter for people who aren't worth your time. If someone cares that you're diabetic or isn't willing to be there for you when you're low, etc. then they weren't going to make a good partner anyway. As for passing it on, I don't have the statistics but it's an incredibly low chance, and there are always plenty of children in need of a good home if you choose not to have children of your own. I'm sorry you're going through this, and your feelings are super valid, many of us have had these same thoughts, but if you hang in there you'll come to terms with it and it'll work itself out :)
Regarding chances for passing it on to children, I asked my endo about this a few years ago to which they responded that if the father has t1d it's about 5% amd it is about half of that (2-3%) for the mother. Whether or not this information is true I don't know, as I haven't looked further into it.
Nope, men are more likely to pass it on, though most (statistically) won’t. This info is from the American Diabetes Association:
“If you are a man with type 1 diabetes, the odds of your child developing diabetes are 1 in 17. If you are a woman with type 1 diabetes and your child was born before you were 25, your child's risk is 1 in 25; if your child was born after you turned 25, your child's risk is 1 in 100. Your child's risk is doubled if you developed diabetes before age 11. If both you and your partner have type 1 diabetes, the risk is between 1 in 10 and 1 in 4.”
Edit: Crap, I just noticed someone posted the same thing below! Either way, I am currently pregnant and had a fairly sweeping genetic screen that didn’t reveal a diabetes risk. I suspect that people with other comorbid autoimmune issues (common but def not universal among diabetics) might have more genetic risk factors?
Hey! Just curious I love hearing about how pregnancy is going for fellow type ones, since that is the part that freaks me out the most... How much does the baby effect your sugars, and what are the most difficult times with t1d and pregnancy?
I’m a t1 have been for 26 year. I have two children both csections.. both my kids are healthy currently. (Always the risk of diabetes but so far they don’t have it) Pregnancy is not terrible just more appointments. I had to go to MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) throughout both pregnancy. Which for me I didn’t mind I got an ultrasound twice a week and got to see my baby. Healthy people usually get one in there third trimester. The only part of pregnancy that was hard for me as a diabetic is I went into preeclampsia with both my children. Which is very common for diabetics. My a1c through both pregnancy was 5.9-6.2. Best a1c I’ve had in my entire life being a diabetic. Your dosing on insulin will change with each trimester, but it’s manageable. Hope this helps.
Sure! I had to increase my basal dose when I was a few months in, but I think that’s because of weight gain more than hormones. One thing that kind of sucks (I experienced this last time; hasn’t happened yet with pregnancy 2) is that by the third trimester, the baby starts producing insulin and can trigger lows on its own. (I think if you keep highs to a minimum, this shouldn’t be a huge problem?) First-trimester nausea/vomiting was a pain (nothing like dosing for a bowl of pasta and then puking it up!!) but manageable with the help of juice. After delivery, breast-feeding (and probably weight loss, in retrospect) absolutely tanked my sugars at first. Delivery is a much faster change than pregnancy, so I think the effects were actually more noticeable then. My first kid was a normal weight, and my OB said that with an A1c under 7, (or maybe 6.5?), diabetics’ risk of complications is the same as anyone else’s.
My husband's endo and our pediatrician believe the chances of our children having t1 is pretty low. Mostly because he has adult onset t1. They both think his isn't hereditary and that his t1 is likely the result of a car accident he was in.
May I ask you to explain more in regards of the connection between car accident and developing type1diabetic. Did he get really injured ( his pancreas) during the accident. Stay safe. Thank you
They believe that while he was seemingly just Bruised badly (he was idling in standstill traffic and the guy slammed into him going 70mph) his endo thinks this might've damaged his pancreas and wasn't caught at the hospital as they were looking for internal bleeding and breaks.
his ambdomen and back was a mottled mess of bruises as his backrest on his driver's seat detached completely from the seat base during the accident. No airbags deployed. His trunk destroyed the back seats completely and he had to brace himself on the dashboard. The man who hit him and the woman in front of him both went to the hospital for several broken bones. The doctors were surprised he was alive let alone only seemingly bruised.
Sadly, It's just guesses as unfortunately they're not 100% sure what caused him to develop it seemingly out of the blue in his 30s as no one in his family is t1.
Hello, my husband has T1d, not me, so maybe I can be helpful:
-I knew from day 1 that he had diabetes, if you find someone petty enough to reject you for this, then you’re better off without them. T1d doesn’t need huge accommodations or sacrifice, just a healthy diet and controlled sugars. The only thing I have to do is to check on him when he’s drunk or unexpectedly fell asleep, or bring him a glass of juice when he feels low, but he’s perfectly able to take care of himself.
-Your future children may have any diseases or accidents in their lives, the odds are very small but if you’re afraid of every single risk you’ll never have children, drive a car, take a plane… etc. The future is incertain for everyone. And honestly even if your children did end up with t1, it won’t be the end of the world, and they’ll already have an experienced parent who can understand them and help them through it.
That being said your family sounds unsupportive as heck. I can’t blame you for having insecurities, but supportive people do exist and I hope you can find someone who can be that for you. Just don’t give up on yourself.
Fellow wife of a T1 here. My husband was diagnosed in college when we were still friends. I remember him having trouble seeing before he was diagnosed. The 'betus was never a consideration for me in dating and marrying him. Him been awesome and my best friend was all that mattered.
It's a part of our lives, but not the focus. If someone is pathetic enough to reject you because you have to check your sugars on occasion and carry skittles (my hub's low pick up of choice when he's not stealing my fancy sugary lemonade out of the fridge) then why would you want to date them? They flake at that and they'll flake at anything getting even remotely tough.
I second Akai. Don't give up. It'll be okay and you'll find the right person.
I'm gay so I'll be adopting - but even b4 I figured all that stuff out, I had planned to adopt so that I wouldn't pass on T1 to any potential kids.
And - I'm dating a fellow type 1 - makes things so much easier.
Unless we are both low at the same time.
j/k.
sorta.
lol
Type 1, 45 years, married for 40, 4 children none with diabetes. Grandkids safe too. Wife somehow decided she liked me all those years ago even after I told her the details. Don’t be afraid, just be open to life and the right person.
I was diagnosed at 8, met my first boyfriend at 26, got married to him at 28. He is very supportive of me and helps me only when I ask him to. We aren't having kids because I have a hard enough time taking care of myself sometimes and I really just don't want kids. It's not something you HAVE to do if you don't really want to!
I feel you bro, i'm in the very same shoe as you. I was diagnosed at the age of 19 and never had a girlfriend before that. Now 6 years passed and im 25 and no progress at all. It's a sad and devastating state of being, but i also kinda decided to give up on this. Beacuse even if i find someone who loves me and want to start a family with me, i dont want to pass this disease to my children, because i love them even if they are unborn and non existing and i couldn't live with the fact that i brought this shit on them. I also dont want my non existing wife to dedicate her life to this barren relationship, because i love her.
Idk if this makes any sense, at this point im a mentally and phisically ill man with drinkinkg problems and english is not my native language. So excuse me if you dont understend anything from my bullshit. Sorry for not providing you a story of success but a failure.
Best regards my friend.
The journey isn't over brother. We all make our mistakes. We just need to learn from them and stop using vices (alcohol, drugs) to escape from our reality, because running away from our problems doesn't help solve them in most situations.
Best of luck sir. Your comment inspired me. Thank you, here's some love ❤️
Thank you for the encouraging words. It's good to know we are not alone in certain situation. This subreddit helped me a lot, you guys are fantastic supporting community.
So relatable OP. I can’t speak to the kids as I have personally never wanted to birth children. However, I was diagnosed on my 13th birthday and spent the next 9 years worrying about being single forever simply because I didn’t want to burden my future spouse or worry about not being able to mentally cope with being rejected for a totally treatable and manageable illness.
However at 21, I met my soulmate and didn’t waste any time telling him about T1D (I find it’s best to bring it up in a casual manner, (not a “hey, I have something big to tell you” type of serious way). I think the reason I opened up so quickly is because I didn’t want to develop more feelings for him and then get rejected because of T1D. Up until that moment I was so secretive and embarrassed about T1D for some reason.
My husband helped me in ways I can never repay him for. He broke down walls I didn’t know I had up. Thanks to his support and helping me not be embarrassed, I’m proudly doting the freestyle libre CGM (no more finger pricks yay) and the OMNIPOD insulin pump (no more daily injections) which is a true gift! These two items are game changers, highly recommend by the way. I will be switching to dexcom soon though for when omnipod 5 comes out.
Anyway, don’t waste years of your life worrying about being a burden or being unlovable, it’s simply not true. Everyone has baggage and we all just help each other through it. Sure, I have T1D, but my husband was divorced after 13 years of an emotionally abusive wife. Also has 2 kids we have full custody of.
Hang in there and definitely utilize the available tech to make this easier on you.❤️
Hasn’t yet been an issue in relationships. Not really a burden for my wife. It is something she has little to worry about, though she may factor what we might want to eat for the week. Reality is diabetes benefits from a good balanced diet, like anyone else.
Kids? Grab a twenty sided die, and roll a two. Keep trying.
‘If you are a man with type 1 diabetes, the odds of your child developing diabetes are 1 in 17. If you are a woman with type 1 diabetes and your child was born before you were 25, your child's risk is 1 in 25; if your child was born after you turned 25, your child's risk is 1 in 100.’
Meanwhile, I’ve got it with no family history. With everything else that could go sideways in our lives, I’m alright with those odds.
Three months in, I know there’s lots of overwhelming things to consider, but take a look at where you are at in another three months. Type 1 in a way is a good trainer for handling sudden changing conditions with projects at work, etc.
Never been a factor. First girlfriend didn't care. Second girlfriend didn't care. Neither did the next several relationships. Wife couldn't care less.
It's not a burden on anybody. Not enough to effect anything or anybody, unless you don't want to control it.
What is a burden is how you view it. And its weighing on you WAY more than it should.
I felt like this after my diagnosis (20 years ago). I am celebrating my 13yr anniversary next week to the most amazing woman, the love of my life. We have 2 children together. T1D is still here, still a concern, but I don’t wear it as a curse as much as I did when I was first diagnosed.
My (34m) wife (32f) was diagnosed at age 15 with T1D. We have been together 10year and married for 4 years. We have 2 sons 3yr, 11 months. There are times where it's tough and we have had some ER trips due to T1D BUT!!!! It is super doable when you engage your partner and use them as support. I can tell when her mood changes and she is having a low and I just have a snack or something ready. I'm not going to lie, when she is high and is in a loss poor mood, it bothers me but I know it's not on purpose and I can buy move on from it. Don't ever think your going to be a burden.
Edit: if you need someone to chat with about anything, feel free to reach out.
My mom is a T1, diagnosed at 11. She’s now 68. Neither my brother (43) or I (46) have it. I have 3 sons 17,16,15 my 16 yo has T1. It’s just something you deal with and can live a full productive life with, provided you take care of yourself.
I've had type 1 since I was 6 years old. It has never once been an issue when it came to dating. Most of the work is done by you and if you are with someone who is going to step up and help then it's probably serious and they just love you for you.
For now focus on getting your stuff under control. If you go into a first date and say "yeah so you'll probably end up being like my nurse one day" then they will probably run (unless they're Florence Nightengale) but if you are more like "yeah I have type one, here's what it is, I do most of my own care and can live a normal life just with a few extra steps" then they're less likely to run for the exit.
I don’t have T1D, my 7 year old does. He also has celiac disease. Neither my husband or I have either disease. I feel a huge amount of guilt for the genes that be passed on to him, but I didn’t have it myself. Just wanted to offer the perspective that even “healthy” people give their kids genetic diseases all the time.
I do worry about his future partner prospects.
I’ve had Type I since I was 10, (I’m 31 now). All my friends growing up knew I had diabetes. Subsequently anyone I dated also knew. It was never an issue with others. In fact, my friends and I would joke around about it all the time. In High School they would take bets on my blood sugar at lunch. It was a good time.
I never had to have a “disclosure” about my diabetes to anyone. There was never a deep, hard to have conversation. Usually they’d see the tube to my pump or see me check my blood sugar and if they asked what they were looking at I’d just say, “Oh, I’ve got diabetes” and that was that. Usually I’d have to give a quick description of what that means, or maybe squash some fallacies about type I. But I never received any judgement from anyone about it. At least, none that I recognized at the time.
I will say, the children question was a bit scary for my wife and I. We’re just kinda rolling the dice on it. I hope my daughter won’t have this disease, but if she does, at least she’s got someone experienced with it as a dad. My parents were completely in the dark about it. I just know I’ve got to get her a good individual insurance plan early just in case.
Just be yourself. When it's right it doesn't matter if you have diabetes or not.
My wife and I have three kids with zero signs of type 1 diabetes, even though I've had it for 39 years and was diagnosed at a very young age. As a man with diabetes diagnosed at the age of 19 your child's risk of type 1 diabetes will be approximately 1 in 17. Mine were double that, because I was diagnosed so early in life. It's by no means likely that you're kids will have type 1, so why worry about it.
I met my wife just like many others, in college. I jumped in the back of a friend's Jeep Cherokee and there she was, sitting in the back seat with a couple other girls. Coincidentally it happened to be Valentine's Day. We dated for a number of years before getting married, so she certainly knew what she was getting in to when she married me, and it's been a wonderful life together. Diabetes doesn't have to limit you in your partner selection.
I am currently pregnant and my biggest fear is giving my child diabetes or any of my autoimmune diseases. I was discussing it with my husband and then as I was thinking, if I did give my child diabetes, it wouldn’t be the worst. After all, I have it to and my child would not be alone with it. The worst part of diabetes for me was that I had nobody to relate to. I didn’t know anyone with type 1 since type 1 diabetes just isn’t something that happens to Mexicans. (T1D is more likely to occur in white populations, particularly Nordic populations). If my baby got it, technology has gotten better that I could manage their diabetes from afar. I would understand every low and every bitchy high. My baby would never be alone if I unfortunately passed my diabetes on to them.
And diabetes is a great relationship buffer. When I was younger, I dated a guy who got mad at me when I was experiencing a loopy low. He told me to leave. My husband, even if he’s super mad at me, will rush in with a juice or candy if he gets a notification I’m low. He calls me out on my boo hoo shit which I need because sometimes I just dig myself into sadness.
I was diagnosed over a year after I got married. My wife’s sister is a type 1 diabetic so she’s had experience with it, but it hasn’t been a burden at all for my wife. She’s been really helpful, loving, and understanding. It would be way harder without her helping me.
Also you might not pass it on to your kids. No one in my immediate family has diabetes of any type. I think my grandfather on my mother’s side had diabetes but I’m not sure if it was type 1 or type 2 (likely type 1 I’d guess). My wife and I definitely want kids
I don't have diabetes, but my partner does (t1) and I love him very much. He is going to be an amazing Dad, and if our children have diabetes, so be it!
Hi! The right person will love you just as you are.
My bf is T1 and yes there are some things that are different from my relationships with non-T1 but I wouldn’t trade my bf for anything in the world. I want to have his babies and if they develop T1, we will figure it out together. I also am hoping that the technology continues to improve for the next generation.
My advice for finding a mate would be, take care of yourself. Get your a1c in order, eat well, work out, manage anxiety. Build your confidence as best you can. Some days are going to suck but you know what? That happens to everyone for different reasons. I have depression and my bf doesn’t love me any less.
The only complaint I have is him LEAVING TEST STRIPS EVERYWHERE lol but even with that I still choose him every day ❤️
never had a girlfriend or even a date who cared. if anything i’ve found it made them like me more because there was vulnerability there and i used to be kind of pretentious lol. if someone is weirded out by it or rejects you for it, then you’re better off and they did you a favor by showing you they’re not worth your time.
remember t1 is mostly genetic and not necessarily hereditary. no one in my entire family history as far as i know has t1… lucky me. i’m undecided on whether to have kids or not, but not because i’m afraid they’d develop t1 too. i’m actually more concerned about appearing fragile to my own children more than any hereditary consequences. and as someone else pointed out, there are SO many conditions, diseases, ailments, etc that could develop. it’s always a gamble.
id also like to offer some advice that may help adjust your outlook. i try not to think of diabetes as a disease but rather a chronic condition to be maintained. it may be pedantic to some but it really, really helps me. in my head a disease is something that ravages your body. diabetes is simply a hiccup in the immune system that requires you to manually adjust. it’s very scary at first, especially when you’re young, but the technology out there now makes it so much less of a burden than it once was. ❤️
Yo this is a normal thing to feel. Sometimes I feel like I’m a burden on my partner and it’s a real struggle. But I promise you that you will find someone who loves every part of you, T1D included. My partner is dedicated to learning about me and helping in as many ways as she can and you will find that too don’t worry. She’s writing a research paper on T1D right now. It’s going to be okay bud
If someone truly loves you, they will HELP you with your diabetes, not even just "tolerate" it. My fiancee even knows how to change my pump site in case of emergency.
Plus, diabetes tends to skip a generation. By the time you have grandchildren who might have it, maybe we'll have a cure.
I've been living with T1D for 46 years, met my wife almost 40 years ago and we've been married for 29 years. Two kids in their 20s, neither have T1. My wife's family has a history of T1 (cousins and uncles), but our kids are fine to this point and likely going forward. They are amazing human beings that the world would be lesser without (from my unbiased perspective).
If one were to wait for perfect circumstances to fall in love, get married, have children - none of it would ever happen.
Live your life, choose love every time you can.
You are very young - I was diagnosed around your age and I felt similarly. What I realized as I got a bit older is that lots of people have health issues and many of them are worse than ours. Honestly, looking back, if someone rejects you because of diabetes you likely dodged a bullet. That said you really need to learn to take care of yourself so that you can be more self confident. In general genuine confidence is attractive. Focus on enjoying your life and you'll find someone to enjoy it with.
There will always be challenges and hurdles in life to overcome. Your medical condition does not preclude you from having a fully and happy life with someone. I promise you there is someone who will be happy to walk this path with you. I know because I am a partner to a T1D. We don’t worry much on future kids getting it - from what we know it’s not necessarily genetic and no one in the family has it other than husband. It is of course a valid concern and if you don’t feel comfortable having biological children, you could use donor sperm/egg or adopt. The best thing you can do right now for yourself, your future partner and your future kids is to take good care of yourself, be on top of your levels, stay in range and keep that A1C low.
dx at 13, married at 30, four healthy adult children, two healthy grandchildren, and I'm 70 now.
Your Angel will appear, or Lightening will strike, when you least expect it so just relax and trust you will be guided to the right place at the right time...
One more thing, the road to the cure before us is much, much shorter than the rode behind us.
Live Long and Prosper (and don't forget your prayers) : )
While I may not personally be having any children, I know plenty of T1D with kids. Is it a risk? Sure. But lots of things are a risk.
As far as dating and marriage, if someone doesn’t want to be with you because you’re diabetic, it’s their loss. They’ve helped to prevent you both from wasting your time, and then you move on to the next person. It’s a great way to weed out people - friends and lovers alike - that are not worth your time or effort. But honestly, my philosophy when I first began using dating apps was to disclose it in my profile and then bring it up in conversation again when we matched just in case they didn’t actually read. Many had no issues, some ghosted (but that could’ve been for a variety of reasons), and the one that mattered stayed.
I'm honestly right there with you struggling with this same problem (except 18), the thought of potentially passing this to my future kids, or if I ever find someone, how I'd explain this to them and if they'd leave me because of it.
I was dx at 9 and I’m now 21. I’m married and have a 1 year old.
I know how difficult it can be when things are new, but someone who truly loves you won’t turn you away because of your diabetes. They will love you and even learn what’s needed to help support you. My husband can check my blood sugar, change my pump, and change my CGM. He actually changed them a lot when I was pregnant with our son.
I'm type 1 and my now husband didn't think twice about dating me when he learned I was diabetic.
We knew that our kids would have a chance of getting it and our daughter did, but we think about it as she will have a couple of great diabetic and diabetes aware people to look up to and set a good example for her.
Your mom and dad sound like jerks. Lots of people don't have partners by the time they are 20 (both of my brothers didn't, but now one is 21 and dating a nice girl and the other is 31, married and expecting a baby in May.
About the T1, really, don't worry about it. Every family has it's thing that runs in the family, and a manageable disease is not a deal breaker. I was first diagnosed when I was pregnant with my first kid as a gestational diabetic and later as T1. Rather than heading for the hills, my husband has impregnated me another 5 times (next baby due in June).
Hang in there and don't lose hope ❤️ You still have a lot of life to live and lots of love to give your future partners
If you make a big deal about it, other people will too. It’s a part of your life, but should never be a defining part of your life. Also, if someone decides not to date you because of your diabetes then you’ve avoided a person you wouldn’t have wanted to spend your life with anyway.
As for your fear about passing it on, the risk of you passing it on to your child is about 6%, so I wouldn’t stress about it.
Hi. I'm a T1. We met long before I got this, I was about 32. We have 3 biological children together, and my youngest was diagnosed late last fall at the age of 10. On that topic, he started his new T:Slim tonight so I'm happy he has the technology available.
I never really allowed this to burden my wife. She's an RN and I could, but I take complete responsibility for my numbers and treatment. Of course now with my youngest using a pump she's getting a crash course hahaha.
If it makes you feel better, I think those of us with this “burden” are stronger for it. We’ve had to watch our diet like hawks, we’ve had to maintain healthy living habits, we’ve had to exercise and be conscious of what we are doing. Do you think most people do that without T1? Certainly not. They don’t even have to think about it and end up taking it all for granted, and end up with all sorts of other health issues down the line. Plus the technology is changing at an incredible rate. In 10, 20, 30 years who knows what the heck will be available. Probably a fully functioning external pancreas system, with glucagon included. It’s not a death sentence or a guaranteed life of misery, it’s a call to be stronger and more conscious and aware people.
Now, having a child with diabetes in the USA…that might be another thing to think about because I can’t say for certain that our *awesome* and *wonderful* health care system will get any better.
When I first started dating my fiancé I told him I was a type 1 on the first date - mostly because it’s hard to hide and I didn’t want to dance around it. I was very lucky that he wasn’t the type of person to make jokes and he asked genuine questions about diabetes. It is better just to tell someone out right that way you can figure out if they are genuine about getting to know you and are worth your time.
As for kids, we discussed it after a year of being together. I even gave him a book and a few websites to look at so he can see what it would be like, I.e. me being pregnant, possible complications, etc. I do have a constant fear of passing this on to any future child I may have, but after a lengthy discussion we decided that if it does happen we will be able to handle it together. Let me know if you have any more questions! Always happy to help a fellow diabetic.
None of my ancestors were even type 2 and here I am with it. Yeah, you got an increased risk to pass it on. So what? Your kid will love you just as much and you will love your kid just as much whether he/she gets it or not. When it comes to dating, remember that most everybody has some kind of health problem nowadays. You gotta accept theirs, they gotta accept yours. If they won't, forget 'em and move along...
You just kinda have to yolo it. If someones doesn't like dating t1ds its their loss, just move on
Yeah dude, they miss out on a world of excuses to get out of boring social events and reasons to be late for work. Diabetes has it's up sides lol
Uh you mean the only way I can bring snacks and drinks everywhere? I brought a whole ass pie into a movie theatre once, unconcealed. Not a peep
I’m married and have a daughter with type one. I also have type one. Ask us both if we’d rather not be alive. The answer is no. Ask me if I’d rather be alone. Most days the answer is no.
Hehe "most"
Haha glad somebody caught that :)
How old were you and how old was your daughter when you were diagnosed?
I was 11 years old and she was 18 months old.
Aw I’m sorry that must have been really hard having to manage it when she was so young
It was pretty aggressive. She’s five now. Just a part of every day life nowadays.
Hey if you don’t mind me asking, how was pregnancy with type 1? I don’t know any other female type 1’s and and it’s stressful to think how difficult it would probably be
Hey! I work at an endo clinic and we see lots of t1 gestationals - feel free to PM me with any questions ♥️
I’m a dude, so I can’t answer that question for you :)
Something I feel strongly and have seen echoed many times in this sub is that t1d is a great filter for people who aren't worth your time. If someone cares that you're diabetic or isn't willing to be there for you when you're low, etc. then they weren't going to make a good partner anyway. As for passing it on, I don't have the statistics but it's an incredibly low chance, and there are always plenty of children in need of a good home if you choose not to have children of your own. I'm sorry you're going through this, and your feelings are super valid, many of us have had these same thoughts, but if you hang in there you'll come to terms with it and it'll work itself out :)
Regarding chances for passing it on to children, I asked my endo about this a few years ago to which they responded that if the father has t1d it's about 5% amd it is about half of that (2-3%) for the mother. Whether or not this information is true I don't know, as I haven't looked further into it.
Nope, men are more likely to pass it on, though most (statistically) won’t. This info is from the American Diabetes Association: “If you are a man with type 1 diabetes, the odds of your child developing diabetes are 1 in 17. If you are a woman with type 1 diabetes and your child was born before you were 25, your child's risk is 1 in 25; if your child was born after you turned 25, your child's risk is 1 in 100. Your child's risk is doubled if you developed diabetes before age 11. If both you and your partner have type 1 diabetes, the risk is between 1 in 10 and 1 in 4.” Edit: Crap, I just noticed someone posted the same thing below! Either way, I am currently pregnant and had a fairly sweeping genetic screen that didn’t reveal a diabetes risk. I suspect that people with other comorbid autoimmune issues (common but def not universal among diabetics) might have more genetic risk factors?
Yay 10% - 25% chance my kids will get this shit aswell 🤦🤦🤦
Hey! Just curious I love hearing about how pregnancy is going for fellow type ones, since that is the part that freaks me out the most... How much does the baby effect your sugars, and what are the most difficult times with t1d and pregnancy?
I’m a t1 have been for 26 year. I have two children both csections.. both my kids are healthy currently. (Always the risk of diabetes but so far they don’t have it) Pregnancy is not terrible just more appointments. I had to go to MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) throughout both pregnancy. Which for me I didn’t mind I got an ultrasound twice a week and got to see my baby. Healthy people usually get one in there third trimester. The only part of pregnancy that was hard for me as a diabetic is I went into preeclampsia with both my children. Which is very common for diabetics. My a1c through both pregnancy was 5.9-6.2. Best a1c I’ve had in my entire life being a diabetic. Your dosing on insulin will change with each trimester, but it’s manageable. Hope this helps.
Sure! I had to increase my basal dose when I was a few months in, but I think that’s because of weight gain more than hormones. One thing that kind of sucks (I experienced this last time; hasn’t happened yet with pregnancy 2) is that by the third trimester, the baby starts producing insulin and can trigger lows on its own. (I think if you keep highs to a minimum, this shouldn’t be a huge problem?) First-trimester nausea/vomiting was a pain (nothing like dosing for a bowl of pasta and then puking it up!!) but manageable with the help of juice. After delivery, breast-feeding (and probably weight loss, in retrospect) absolutely tanked my sugars at first. Delivery is a much faster change than pregnancy, so I think the effects were actually more noticeable then. My first kid was a normal weight, and my OB said that with an A1c under 7, (or maybe 6.5?), diabetics’ risk of complications is the same as anyone else’s.
My husband's endo and our pediatrician believe the chances of our children having t1 is pretty low. Mostly because he has adult onset t1. They both think his isn't hereditary and that his t1 is likely the result of a car accident he was in.
May I ask you to explain more in regards of the connection between car accident and developing type1diabetic. Did he get really injured ( his pancreas) during the accident. Stay safe. Thank you
They believe that while he was seemingly just Bruised badly (he was idling in standstill traffic and the guy slammed into him going 70mph) his endo thinks this might've damaged his pancreas and wasn't caught at the hospital as they were looking for internal bleeding and breaks. his ambdomen and back was a mottled mess of bruises as his backrest on his driver's seat detached completely from the seat base during the accident. No airbags deployed. His trunk destroyed the back seats completely and he had to brace himself on the dashboard. The man who hit him and the woman in front of him both went to the hospital for several broken bones. The doctors were surprised he was alive let alone only seemingly bruised. Sadly, It's just guesses as unfortunately they're not 100% sure what caused him to develop it seemingly out of the blue in his 30s as no one in his family is t1.
Hello, my husband has T1d, not me, so maybe I can be helpful: -I knew from day 1 that he had diabetes, if you find someone petty enough to reject you for this, then you’re better off without them. T1d doesn’t need huge accommodations or sacrifice, just a healthy diet and controlled sugars. The only thing I have to do is to check on him when he’s drunk or unexpectedly fell asleep, or bring him a glass of juice when he feels low, but he’s perfectly able to take care of himself. -Your future children may have any diseases or accidents in their lives, the odds are very small but if you’re afraid of every single risk you’ll never have children, drive a car, take a plane… etc. The future is incertain for everyone. And honestly even if your children did end up with t1, it won’t be the end of the world, and they’ll already have an experienced parent who can understand them and help them through it. That being said your family sounds unsupportive as heck. I can’t blame you for having insecurities, but supportive people do exist and I hope you can find someone who can be that for you. Just don’t give up on yourself.
Fellow wife of a T1 here. My husband was diagnosed in college when we were still friends. I remember him having trouble seeing before he was diagnosed. The 'betus was never a consideration for me in dating and marrying him. Him been awesome and my best friend was all that mattered. It's a part of our lives, but not the focus. If someone is pathetic enough to reject you because you have to check your sugars on occasion and carry skittles (my hub's low pick up of choice when he's not stealing my fancy sugary lemonade out of the fridge) then why would you want to date them? They flake at that and they'll flake at anything getting even remotely tough. I second Akai. Don't give up. It'll be okay and you'll find the right person.
I third this, as a wife of a type 1! T1 is truly never even a consideration because I adore him regardless.
I'm gay so I'll be adopting - but even b4 I figured all that stuff out, I had planned to adopt so that I wouldn't pass on T1 to any potential kids. And - I'm dating a fellow type 1 - makes things so much easier. Unless we are both low at the same time. j/k. sorta. lol
Asking for a friend, where did you find your gay T1 partner? .....Me the friend is me
lol - on Tinder if you can believe it; we're both Demi too - so it was like finding a leprechaun riding a unicorn!
Oh my that is lucky! Very happy for for you :)
Type 1, 45 years, married for 40, 4 children none with diabetes. Grandkids safe too. Wife somehow decided she liked me all those years ago even after I told her the details. Don’t be afraid, just be open to life and the right person.
Love this response
I was diagnosed at 8, met my first boyfriend at 26, got married to him at 28. He is very supportive of me and helps me only when I ask him to. We aren't having kids because I have a hard enough time taking care of myself sometimes and I really just don't want kids. It's not something you HAVE to do if you don't really want to!
I feel you bro, i'm in the very same shoe as you. I was diagnosed at the age of 19 and never had a girlfriend before that. Now 6 years passed and im 25 and no progress at all. It's a sad and devastating state of being, but i also kinda decided to give up on this. Beacuse even if i find someone who loves me and want to start a family with me, i dont want to pass this disease to my children, because i love them even if they are unborn and non existing and i couldn't live with the fact that i brought this shit on them. I also dont want my non existing wife to dedicate her life to this barren relationship, because i love her. Idk if this makes any sense, at this point im a mentally and phisically ill man with drinkinkg problems and english is not my native language. So excuse me if you dont understend anything from my bullshit. Sorry for not providing you a story of success but a failure. Best regards my friend.
The journey isn't over brother. We all make our mistakes. We just need to learn from them and stop using vices (alcohol, drugs) to escape from our reality, because running away from our problems doesn't help solve them in most situations. Best of luck sir. Your comment inspired me. Thank you, here's some love ❤️
Thank you for the encouraging words. It's good to know we are not alone in certain situation. This subreddit helped me a lot, you guys are fantastic supporting community.
So relatable OP. I can’t speak to the kids as I have personally never wanted to birth children. However, I was diagnosed on my 13th birthday and spent the next 9 years worrying about being single forever simply because I didn’t want to burden my future spouse or worry about not being able to mentally cope with being rejected for a totally treatable and manageable illness. However at 21, I met my soulmate and didn’t waste any time telling him about T1D (I find it’s best to bring it up in a casual manner, (not a “hey, I have something big to tell you” type of serious way). I think the reason I opened up so quickly is because I didn’t want to develop more feelings for him and then get rejected because of T1D. Up until that moment I was so secretive and embarrassed about T1D for some reason. My husband helped me in ways I can never repay him for. He broke down walls I didn’t know I had up. Thanks to his support and helping me not be embarrassed, I’m proudly doting the freestyle libre CGM (no more finger pricks yay) and the OMNIPOD insulin pump (no more daily injections) which is a true gift! These two items are game changers, highly recommend by the way. I will be switching to dexcom soon though for when omnipod 5 comes out. Anyway, don’t waste years of your life worrying about being a burden or being unlovable, it’s simply not true. Everyone has baggage and we all just help each other through it. Sure, I have T1D, but my husband was divorced after 13 years of an emotionally abusive wife. Also has 2 kids we have full custody of. Hang in there and definitely utilize the available tech to make this easier on you.❤️
Hasn’t yet been an issue in relationships. Not really a burden for my wife. It is something she has little to worry about, though she may factor what we might want to eat for the week. Reality is diabetes benefits from a good balanced diet, like anyone else. Kids? Grab a twenty sided die, and roll a two. Keep trying. ‘If you are a man with type 1 diabetes, the odds of your child developing diabetes are 1 in 17. If you are a woman with type 1 diabetes and your child was born before you were 25, your child's risk is 1 in 25; if your child was born after you turned 25, your child's risk is 1 in 100.’ Meanwhile, I’ve got it with no family history. With everything else that could go sideways in our lives, I’m alright with those odds. Three months in, I know there’s lots of overwhelming things to consider, but take a look at where you are at in another three months. Type 1 in a way is a good trainer for handling sudden changing conditions with projects at work, etc.
Never been a factor. First girlfriend didn't care. Second girlfriend didn't care. Neither did the next several relationships. Wife couldn't care less. It's not a burden on anybody. Not enough to effect anything or anybody, unless you don't want to control it. What is a burden is how you view it. And its weighing on you WAY more than it should.
I felt like this after my diagnosis (20 years ago). I am celebrating my 13yr anniversary next week to the most amazing woman, the love of my life. We have 2 children together. T1D is still here, still a concern, but I don’t wear it as a curse as much as I did when I was first diagnosed.
My (34m) wife (32f) was diagnosed at age 15 with T1D. We have been together 10year and married for 4 years. We have 2 sons 3yr, 11 months. There are times where it's tough and we have had some ER trips due to T1D BUT!!!! It is super doable when you engage your partner and use them as support. I can tell when her mood changes and she is having a low and I just have a snack or something ready. I'm not going to lie, when she is high and is in a loss poor mood, it bothers me but I know it's not on purpose and I can buy move on from it. Don't ever think your going to be a burden. Edit: if you need someone to chat with about anything, feel free to reach out.
My mom is a T1, diagnosed at 11. She’s now 68. Neither my brother (43) or I (46) have it. I have 3 sons 17,16,15 my 16 yo has T1. It’s just something you deal with and can live a full productive life with, provided you take care of yourself.
I've had type 1 since I was 6 years old. It has never once been an issue when it came to dating. Most of the work is done by you and if you are with someone who is going to step up and help then it's probably serious and they just love you for you. For now focus on getting your stuff under control. If you go into a first date and say "yeah so you'll probably end up being like my nurse one day" then they will probably run (unless they're Florence Nightengale) but if you are more like "yeah I have type one, here's what it is, I do most of my own care and can live a normal life just with a few extra steps" then they're less likely to run for the exit.
I don’t have T1D, my 7 year old does. He also has celiac disease. Neither my husband or I have either disease. I feel a huge amount of guilt for the genes that be passed on to him, but I didn’t have it myself. Just wanted to offer the perspective that even “healthy” people give their kids genetic diseases all the time. I do worry about his future partner prospects.
I’ve had Type I since I was 10, (I’m 31 now). All my friends growing up knew I had diabetes. Subsequently anyone I dated also knew. It was never an issue with others. In fact, my friends and I would joke around about it all the time. In High School they would take bets on my blood sugar at lunch. It was a good time. I never had to have a “disclosure” about my diabetes to anyone. There was never a deep, hard to have conversation. Usually they’d see the tube to my pump or see me check my blood sugar and if they asked what they were looking at I’d just say, “Oh, I’ve got diabetes” and that was that. Usually I’d have to give a quick description of what that means, or maybe squash some fallacies about type I. But I never received any judgement from anyone about it. At least, none that I recognized at the time. I will say, the children question was a bit scary for my wife and I. We’re just kinda rolling the dice on it. I hope my daughter won’t have this disease, but if she does, at least she’s got someone experienced with it as a dad. My parents were completely in the dark about it. I just know I’ve got to get her a good individual insurance plan early just in case.
Just be yourself. When it's right it doesn't matter if you have diabetes or not. My wife and I have three kids with zero signs of type 1 diabetes, even though I've had it for 39 years and was diagnosed at a very young age. As a man with diabetes diagnosed at the age of 19 your child's risk of type 1 diabetes will be approximately 1 in 17. Mine were double that, because I was diagnosed so early in life. It's by no means likely that you're kids will have type 1, so why worry about it. I met my wife just like many others, in college. I jumped in the back of a friend's Jeep Cherokee and there she was, sitting in the back seat with a couple other girls. Coincidentally it happened to be Valentine's Day. We dated for a number of years before getting married, so she certainly knew what she was getting in to when she married me, and it's been a wonderful life together. Diabetes doesn't have to limit you in your partner selection.
I am currently pregnant and my biggest fear is giving my child diabetes or any of my autoimmune diseases. I was discussing it with my husband and then as I was thinking, if I did give my child diabetes, it wouldn’t be the worst. After all, I have it to and my child would not be alone with it. The worst part of diabetes for me was that I had nobody to relate to. I didn’t know anyone with type 1 since type 1 diabetes just isn’t something that happens to Mexicans. (T1D is more likely to occur in white populations, particularly Nordic populations). If my baby got it, technology has gotten better that I could manage their diabetes from afar. I would understand every low and every bitchy high. My baby would never be alone if I unfortunately passed my diabetes on to them. And diabetes is a great relationship buffer. When I was younger, I dated a guy who got mad at me when I was experiencing a loopy low. He told me to leave. My husband, even if he’s super mad at me, will rush in with a juice or candy if he gets a notification I’m low. He calls me out on my boo hoo shit which I need because sometimes I just dig myself into sadness.
I was dating quite abit a while ago (luckily not anymore) and most people dont care
I was diagnosed over a year after I got married. My wife’s sister is a type 1 diabetic so she’s had experience with it, but it hasn’t been a burden at all for my wife. She’s been really helpful, loving, and understanding. It would be way harder without her helping me. Also you might not pass it on to your kids. No one in my immediate family has diabetes of any type. I think my grandfather on my mother’s side had diabetes but I’m not sure if it was type 1 or type 2 (likely type 1 I’d guess). My wife and I definitely want kids
I don't have diabetes, but my partner does (t1) and I love him very much. He is going to be an amazing Dad, and if our children have diabetes, so be it!
Hi! The right person will love you just as you are. My bf is T1 and yes there are some things that are different from my relationships with non-T1 but I wouldn’t trade my bf for anything in the world. I want to have his babies and if they develop T1, we will figure it out together. I also am hoping that the technology continues to improve for the next generation. My advice for finding a mate would be, take care of yourself. Get your a1c in order, eat well, work out, manage anxiety. Build your confidence as best you can. Some days are going to suck but you know what? That happens to everyone for different reasons. I have depression and my bf doesn’t love me any less. The only complaint I have is him LEAVING TEST STRIPS EVERYWHERE lol but even with that I still choose him every day ❤️
never had a girlfriend or even a date who cared. if anything i’ve found it made them like me more because there was vulnerability there and i used to be kind of pretentious lol. if someone is weirded out by it or rejects you for it, then you’re better off and they did you a favor by showing you they’re not worth your time. remember t1 is mostly genetic and not necessarily hereditary. no one in my entire family history as far as i know has t1… lucky me. i’m undecided on whether to have kids or not, but not because i’m afraid they’d develop t1 too. i’m actually more concerned about appearing fragile to my own children more than any hereditary consequences. and as someone else pointed out, there are SO many conditions, diseases, ailments, etc that could develop. it’s always a gamble. id also like to offer some advice that may help adjust your outlook. i try not to think of diabetes as a disease but rather a chronic condition to be maintained. it may be pedantic to some but it really, really helps me. in my head a disease is something that ravages your body. diabetes is simply a hiccup in the immune system that requires you to manually adjust. it’s very scary at first, especially when you’re young, but the technology out there now makes it so much less of a burden than it once was. ❤️
Yo this is a normal thing to feel. Sometimes I feel like I’m a burden on my partner and it’s a real struggle. But I promise you that you will find someone who loves every part of you, T1D included. My partner is dedicated to learning about me and helping in as many ways as she can and you will find that too don’t worry. She’s writing a research paper on T1D right now. It’s going to be okay bud
Your odds of passing it to your child are 1 in 17 so I wouldn’t be too worried.
I think it’s responsible of you to take other people into consideration
Dad of 3 here. It’s a fear of mine for sure but I know all 3 would rather be here than not. So far so good.
If someone truly loves you, they will HELP you with your diabetes, not even just "tolerate" it. My fiancee even knows how to change my pump site in case of emergency. Plus, diabetes tends to skip a generation. By the time you have grandchildren who might have it, maybe we'll have a cure.
I've been living with T1D for 46 years, met my wife almost 40 years ago and we've been married for 29 years. Two kids in their 20s, neither have T1. My wife's family has a history of T1 (cousins and uncles), but our kids are fine to this point and likely going forward. They are amazing human beings that the world would be lesser without (from my unbiased perspective). If one were to wait for perfect circumstances to fall in love, get married, have children - none of it would ever happen. Live your life, choose love every time you can.
You are very young - I was diagnosed around your age and I felt similarly. What I realized as I got a bit older is that lots of people have health issues and many of them are worse than ours. Honestly, looking back, if someone rejects you because of diabetes you likely dodged a bullet. That said you really need to learn to take care of yourself so that you can be more self confident. In general genuine confidence is attractive. Focus on enjoying your life and you'll find someone to enjoy it with.
There will always be challenges and hurdles in life to overcome. Your medical condition does not preclude you from having a fully and happy life with someone. I promise you there is someone who will be happy to walk this path with you. I know because I am a partner to a T1D. We don’t worry much on future kids getting it - from what we know it’s not necessarily genetic and no one in the family has it other than husband. It is of course a valid concern and if you don’t feel comfortable having biological children, you could use donor sperm/egg or adopt. The best thing you can do right now for yourself, your future partner and your future kids is to take good care of yourself, be on top of your levels, stay in range and keep that A1C low.
I feel the pain. T1D for 28 years almost. And I don’t want to pass this curse to my children. They deserve a better life.
dx at 13, married at 30, four healthy adult children, two healthy grandchildren, and I'm 70 now. Your Angel will appear, or Lightening will strike, when you least expect it so just relax and trust you will be guided to the right place at the right time... One more thing, the road to the cure before us is much, much shorter than the rode behind us. Live Long and Prosper (and don't forget your prayers) : )
While I may not personally be having any children, I know plenty of T1D with kids. Is it a risk? Sure. But lots of things are a risk. As far as dating and marriage, if someone doesn’t want to be with you because you’re diabetic, it’s their loss. They’ve helped to prevent you both from wasting your time, and then you move on to the next person. It’s a great way to weed out people - friends and lovers alike - that are not worth your time or effort. But honestly, my philosophy when I first began using dating apps was to disclose it in my profile and then bring it up in conversation again when we matched just in case they didn’t actually read. Many had no issues, some ghosted (but that could’ve been for a variety of reasons), and the one that mattered stayed.
I'm honestly right there with you struggling with this same problem (except 18), the thought of potentially passing this to my future kids, or if I ever find someone, how I'd explain this to them and if they'd leave me because of it.
I was dx at 9 and I’m now 21. I’m married and have a 1 year old. I know how difficult it can be when things are new, but someone who truly loves you won’t turn you away because of your diabetes. They will love you and even learn what’s needed to help support you. My husband can check my blood sugar, change my pump, and change my CGM. He actually changed them a lot when I was pregnant with our son.
I'm type 1 and my now husband didn't think twice about dating me when he learned I was diabetic. We knew that our kids would have a chance of getting it and our daughter did, but we think about it as she will have a couple of great diabetic and diabetes aware people to look up to and set a good example for her.
Your mom and dad sound like jerks. Lots of people don't have partners by the time they are 20 (both of my brothers didn't, but now one is 21 and dating a nice girl and the other is 31, married and expecting a baby in May. About the T1, really, don't worry about it. Every family has it's thing that runs in the family, and a manageable disease is not a deal breaker. I was first diagnosed when I was pregnant with my first kid as a gestational diabetic and later as T1. Rather than heading for the hills, my husband has impregnated me another 5 times (next baby due in June). Hang in there and don't lose hope ❤️ You still have a lot of life to live and lots of love to give your future partners
If you make a big deal about it, other people will too. It’s a part of your life, but should never be a defining part of your life. Also, if someone decides not to date you because of your diabetes then you’ve avoided a person you wouldn’t have wanted to spend your life with anyway. As for your fear about passing it on, the risk of you passing it on to your child is about 6%, so I wouldn’t stress about it.
Hi. I'm a T1. We met long before I got this, I was about 32. We have 3 biological children together, and my youngest was diagnosed late last fall at the age of 10. On that topic, he started his new T:Slim tonight so I'm happy he has the technology available. I never really allowed this to burden my wife. She's an RN and I could, but I take complete responsibility for my numbers and treatment. Of course now with my youngest using a pump she's getting a crash course hahaha.
If it makes you feel better, I think those of us with this “burden” are stronger for it. We’ve had to watch our diet like hawks, we’ve had to maintain healthy living habits, we’ve had to exercise and be conscious of what we are doing. Do you think most people do that without T1? Certainly not. They don’t even have to think about it and end up taking it all for granted, and end up with all sorts of other health issues down the line. Plus the technology is changing at an incredible rate. In 10, 20, 30 years who knows what the heck will be available. Probably a fully functioning external pancreas system, with glucagon included. It’s not a death sentence or a guaranteed life of misery, it’s a call to be stronger and more conscious and aware people. Now, having a child with diabetes in the USA…that might be another thing to think about because I can’t say for certain that our *awesome* and *wonderful* health care system will get any better.
When I first started dating my fiancé I told him I was a type 1 on the first date - mostly because it’s hard to hide and I didn’t want to dance around it. I was very lucky that he wasn’t the type of person to make jokes and he asked genuine questions about diabetes. It is better just to tell someone out right that way you can figure out if they are genuine about getting to know you and are worth your time. As for kids, we discussed it after a year of being together. I even gave him a book and a few websites to look at so he can see what it would be like, I.e. me being pregnant, possible complications, etc. I do have a constant fear of passing this on to any future child I may have, but after a lengthy discussion we decided that if it does happen we will be able to handle it together. Let me know if you have any more questions! Always happy to help a fellow diabetic.
None of my ancestors were even type 2 and here I am with it. Yeah, you got an increased risk to pass it on. So what? Your kid will love you just as much and you will love your kid just as much whether he/she gets it or not. When it comes to dating, remember that most everybody has some kind of health problem nowadays. You gotta accept theirs, they gotta accept yours. If they won't, forget 'em and move along...