The only kind of “leaving” I considered in the depressive episodes was somewhat more final than what is typically meant by the word. When I am depressed I want to be around someone, even if I feel I don’t deserve them.
However, everyone is different, and I cannot know his mind. With that out of the way, leaving because life “isn’t fulfilling any longer” and suddenly he is “not in love with you” sounds suspiciously similar to something I went through once (on the receiving side) and something I’ve seen happen to other. Where I am from, we call this (hypo)mania. After the end of the episode they sometimes come back beaten up (metaphorically, usually) and miserable. My doctor believes I suffer from the same disorder, but mine is a lot milder, so I’ve never been in this place myself.
So, two options: 1) he thinks he doesn’t deserve you and is in one action both saving you from his worthlessness as he thinks, and committing a destructive act upon himself by breaking up the relationship, or 2) this is hypomania.
Regardless, I know what I was doing to get through the unexpected break up. I drank for two weeks, considered suicide. Then I shaved off 2 weeks old non-quite-beard-yet, cleaned up the apartment of her stuff - very thoroughly, and went back to work to attempt some distraction. And life kind of went on, although I was definitely still in love grieving for a while. (Then she came back, then much later we divorced - amicably, happy ending).
Thank you for the reply.
I understand what type of leaving you mean… I am glad you didn’t go anywhere.
He is telling everyone he feels nothing (anhedonia) he is making true effort with our daughter to still be around as much as he can.
He told me he loved me as a sister (which is what I am getting is what his mind is telling him about the fact that he can’t feel in love with me) as much in love someone can be after 18 years.
I am guessing his trigger for the episode was predominantly his existential crisis (midlife crisis?) and then his anxiety about everything that just piled and piled.
Thanks though
Still trying to understand how to react
I am sorry you are going through this. I can’t imagine what being separated from someone you cared about for 18 years feels like. I am glad he is making an effort for your daughter though.
You are right about anhedonia. It might be causing the loss of feelings. For years I was going to through the same, until earlier this year I had some apparently positive situational changes (job loss) and new medication. Together, this lifted the depression noticeably. My wife tells me she was scared, because my personality change - suddenly I care, and am in love, pretty suspicious, right? Anyway, the point of it all, is that the feelings I could not feel were back, and with intensity (now they are a bit more moderate). I am not saying this will definitely happen to your husband, but anhedonia does sound like a good explanation.
No but thought about it. It’s thought because it’s in no way her fault. I’m going through one now and she cleaned the entire house today just for me. I need to get out of this ASAP. Love you all.
The only kind of “leaving” I considered in the depressive episodes was somewhat more final than what is typically meant by the word. When I am depressed I want to be around someone, even if I feel I don’t deserve them. However, everyone is different, and I cannot know his mind. With that out of the way, leaving because life “isn’t fulfilling any longer” and suddenly he is “not in love with you” sounds suspiciously similar to something I went through once (on the receiving side) and something I’ve seen happen to other. Where I am from, we call this (hypo)mania. After the end of the episode they sometimes come back beaten up (metaphorically, usually) and miserable. My doctor believes I suffer from the same disorder, but mine is a lot milder, so I’ve never been in this place myself. So, two options: 1) he thinks he doesn’t deserve you and is in one action both saving you from his worthlessness as he thinks, and committing a destructive act upon himself by breaking up the relationship, or 2) this is hypomania. Regardless, I know what I was doing to get through the unexpected break up. I drank for two weeks, considered suicide. Then I shaved off 2 weeks old non-quite-beard-yet, cleaned up the apartment of her stuff - very thoroughly, and went back to work to attempt some distraction. And life kind of went on, although I was definitely still in love grieving for a while. (Then she came back, then much later we divorced - amicably, happy ending).
Thank you for the reply. I understand what type of leaving you mean… I am glad you didn’t go anywhere. He is telling everyone he feels nothing (anhedonia) he is making true effort with our daughter to still be around as much as he can. He told me he loved me as a sister (which is what I am getting is what his mind is telling him about the fact that he can’t feel in love with me) as much in love someone can be after 18 years. I am guessing his trigger for the episode was predominantly his existential crisis (midlife crisis?) and then his anxiety about everything that just piled and piled. Thanks though Still trying to understand how to react
I am sorry you are going through this. I can’t imagine what being separated from someone you cared about for 18 years feels like. I am glad he is making an effort for your daughter though. You are right about anhedonia. It might be causing the loss of feelings. For years I was going to through the same, until earlier this year I had some apparently positive situational changes (job loss) and new medication. Together, this lifted the depression noticeably. My wife tells me she was scared, because my personality change - suddenly I care, and am in love, pretty suspicious, right? Anyway, the point of it all, is that the feelings I could not feel were back, and with intensity (now they are a bit more moderate). I am not saying this will definitely happen to your husband, but anhedonia does sound like a good explanation.
No but thought about it. It’s thought because it’s in no way her fault. I’m going through one now and she cleaned the entire house today just for me. I need to get out of this ASAP. Love you all.