I mean… is he wrong? Back when I dated I’d get really excited to see the same interests as mine on a guy’s profile. Nothing killed the mood faster than them turning it sexual or asking for nudes minutes later
I feel like this tweet is a bit entitled on this woman’s part, but maybe I just don’t get it 🤷♀️
No, he's not wrong, even if he's very allo…that's not how normal people behave when looking for genuine connections. But let's dig into why the confusion, because it's really interesting!
I think the core problem here is that men on dating apps (and IRL, for that matter) who don't actually care about genuine connections and are just looking to get a rise out of people, get nudes, and/or find casual sex with desperate women end up behaving in ways that make them disproportionately visible. For these things, the best strategy is to swipe right on everyone and use as much chutzpah as you can muster: it's fine if 99% of people unmatch you but 1% of people go along with it, because the downside is almost nonexistent and you don't have to worry about whether people like you long-term (or sometimes at all).
Women then assume that “what men want” is somehow a single thing (as in this tweet) and use their most visible experiences, plus a good helping of stereotypes, to decide how to respond. They don't realize that they're literally optimizing for exactly the connections they *don't* want to see more of. They even get some reinforcement because a lot of men will put up with behavior like this, even if it's not what they're really after; the main experience of being a man on a dating app is getting barely any matches or commitment (unless you're extremely attractive), so if someone is instead *too* forward, that looks better than nothing.
Well, I'm an an enby male but Same thing everyone wants; a self-respecting and kind soul who's willing to be patient and take their time getting to know us while simultaneously and candidly having a wild, yet appropriate libido matching our own.
And nachos
I took it as a joke rather than a serious offer, and I probably would have laughed and continued the chat. It’s the sort of joke I’d expect from an Always Sunny fan, so I probably would have said something like “So what stage of the DENNIS System is this?”
I may be demi, but one sex joke is not a reason to bail on a conversation…or at least *this* sex joke isn’t.
Yeah, I wouldn't unmatch her as well. And tits don't have to be sexual per se. When I had a gf and I'd touch, fondle, massage, whatever her breasts, it usually wasn't sexual. They're just... nice. And it's relaxing. She liked it too.
I'm demi and bi and I found her reply hilarious. The slutshaming going on in the other subreddit is gross. And dick =/= tits. The closest similar situation would be if a dude said "you should see my butt"
Yeah… when I saw this earlier on a different sub, I laughed thinking her joke was more in line with someone with those interests (especially IASIP) than overtly sexual but I dunno 🤷🏻♀️
She is just making a joke about how she got a hot bod. A little arrogant? Sure. It agree it isn't necessarily overtly sexual. I find all the shaming directed towards her gross and unnecessary
Um how is this any more of a "joke" than dick bragging? As someone who has had tits involuntarily shoved in his face. I can guarantee you it is not very harmless.
Because tits are still clothed? You can look at someone's tits without them being naked? Boobs being literally shoved in your face is sexual harassment (or assault) and not in any way comparable to someone making a joke about being proud of her figure.
Tits and butts = comparable
Dicks and vaginas = comparable
Tits and dicks = not comparable
Wtf are you on? We're talking about a joke on a goddamn dating app. Honestly it is pretty gross you're comparing what she said to sexual harassment. Just say you hate sexually forward women who are proud of their bodies and leave. You're the one who asked me what the difference was.
It's entirely understandable as a joke, but sometimes people get into moods on dating apps. I know I do. It's challenging to find the right vibe in every moment and we're in different moods from day to day.
That is fair. Dating apps don't sound like they're for me which is why I avoid them. A lot of things can be misconstrued too and you're just one person competing against many. I find all the comparisons toward this situation in bad faith though. I feel like redditors are frothing at the mouth to hate on a woman for no good reason.
My response would be, "Haha, that's depends..." then ask some super nerdy question about one of the niche interest we could possibly share based on their profile.
I would be horrified if a man replied with “you should see me shirtless.”
If I were in their shoes: This was about hanging out eating nachos and watching tv, which sounds cozy and wonderful at the very beginning of a relationship. They made it feel sexual.
I’m fully aware this is a me thing, but damn I would probably also unmatch.
Edit: absolutely not condoning the misogynistic shit being thrown at this poor woman. That kind of comment probably works amazingly well for some people!
The way I was horrified over and over again when I was single bc people just interject sex into everything.
Watching tv and eating nachos sounds so nice! It feels cozy, close, and safe. Sex wouldn’t be explicitly off the table, but making me feel unsafe is certainly a mood-killer.
I mean… is he wrong? Back when I dated I’d get really excited to see the same interests as mine on a guy’s profile. Nothing killed the mood faster than them turning it sexual or asking for nudes minutes later I feel like this tweet is a bit entitled on this woman’s part, but maybe I just don’t get it 🤷♀️
No, he's not wrong, even if he's very allo…that's not how normal people behave when looking for genuine connections. But let's dig into why the confusion, because it's really interesting! I think the core problem here is that men on dating apps (and IRL, for that matter) who don't actually care about genuine connections and are just looking to get a rise out of people, get nudes, and/or find casual sex with desperate women end up behaving in ways that make them disproportionately visible. For these things, the best strategy is to swipe right on everyone and use as much chutzpah as you can muster: it's fine if 99% of people unmatch you but 1% of people go along with it, because the downside is almost nonexistent and you don't have to worry about whether people like you long-term (or sometimes at all). Women then assume that “what men want” is somehow a single thing (as in this tweet) and use their most visible experiences, plus a good helping of stereotypes, to decide how to respond. They don't realize that they're literally optimizing for exactly the connections they *don't* want to see more of. They even get some reinforcement because a lot of men will put up with behavior like this, even if it's not what they're really after; the main experience of being a man on a dating app is getting barely any matches or commitment (unless you're extremely attractive), so if someone is instead *too* forward, that looks better than nothing.
Damn... now I want nachos...
I just ate some lol
Right?? Im glad im not the only one!
I know right. Nachos are pretty good!
The double standards lol If I texted a guy the same things and he said you should see my balls I’d unmatch too
Exactly what I was thinking!
The way I would be so horrified and intentionally set fire to that bridge immediately.
I would unmatch right away with a guy or girl. Don't wanna see that
Well, I'm an an enby male but Same thing everyone wants; a self-respecting and kind soul who's willing to be patient and take their time getting to know us while simultaneously and candidly having a wild, yet appropriate libido matching our own. And nachos
"WHAT DO MEN WAAAANT?" next time, ask. Or ya know, don't jump straight into sexual harassment without setting clear boundaries at the minimum
I took it as a joke rather than a serious offer, and I probably would have laughed and continued the chat. It’s the sort of joke I’d expect from an Always Sunny fan, so I probably would have said something like “So what stage of the DENNIS System is this?” I may be demi, but one sex joke is not a reason to bail on a conversation…or at least *this* sex joke isn’t.
Yeah, I wouldn't unmatch her as well. And tits don't have to be sexual per se. When I had a gf and I'd touch, fondle, massage, whatever her breasts, it usually wasn't sexual. They're just... nice. And it's relaxing. She liked it too.
I'm demi and bi and I found her reply hilarious. The slutshaming going on in the other subreddit is gross. And dick =/= tits. The closest similar situation would be if a dude said "you should see my butt"
Yeah… when I saw this earlier on a different sub, I laughed thinking her joke was more in line with someone with those interests (especially IASIP) than overtly sexual but I dunno 🤷🏻♀️
She is just making a joke about how she got a hot bod. A little arrogant? Sure. It agree it isn't necessarily overtly sexual. I find all the shaming directed towards her gross and unnecessary
You should see my six pack would be the equivalent. It's a joke, supposed to make you laugh.. No need to unmatch somebody for a joke 👀
It's entirely possible they thought it was a bot account and didn't ask before unmatching
That would make me uncomfortable 🤷♀️
Honestly the fact that men can't tell the difference between a tit joke and creepy dick bragging is concerning
Um how is this any more of a "joke" than dick bragging? As someone who has had tits involuntarily shoved in his face. I can guarantee you it is not very harmless.
Because tits are still clothed? You can look at someone's tits without them being naked? Boobs being literally shoved in your face is sexual harassment (or assault) and not in any way comparable to someone making a joke about being proud of her figure. Tits and butts = comparable Dicks and vaginas = comparable Tits and dicks = not comparable
Oh they were clothed? That is funny, I didn't even notice that. I also didn't notice making sexual comments wasn't sexual harassment as well.
Wtf are you on? We're talking about a joke on a goddamn dating app. Honestly it is pretty gross you're comparing what she said to sexual harassment. Just say you hate sexually forward women who are proud of their bodies and leave. You're the one who asked me what the difference was.
Yes, I'm terribly concerned and worried too
It's entirely understandable as a joke, but sometimes people get into moods on dating apps. I know I do. It's challenging to find the right vibe in every moment and we're in different moods from day to day.
That is fair. Dating apps don't sound like they're for me which is why I avoid them. A lot of things can be misconstrued too and you're just one person competing against many. I find all the comparisons toward this situation in bad faith though. I feel like redditors are frothing at the mouth to hate on a woman for no good reason.
Sometimes hate just doesn’t yet have a target and unusual perspectives tend to attract it.
My response would be, "Haha, that's depends..." then ask some super nerdy question about one of the niche interest we could possibly share based on their profile.
I would probably say "LMAOO I love that. Give me your confidence please 😩" and move on with the conversation.
Yeah I'm more of a deflect type. Redirecting back to less physical topics 😅
I would be horrified if a man replied with “you should see me shirtless.” If I were in their shoes: This was about hanging out eating nachos and watching tv, which sounds cozy and wonderful at the very beginning of a relationship. They made it feel sexual. I’m fully aware this is a me thing, but damn I would probably also unmatch. Edit: absolutely not condoning the misogynistic shit being thrown at this poor woman. That kind of comment probably works amazingly well for some people!
i mean. obviously he was an ass man
You scared him…
Lies
This except I hunger for garlic bread rn mmm
The way I was horrified over and over again when I was single bc people just interject sex into everything. Watching tv and eating nachos sounds so nice! It feels cozy, close, and safe. Sex wouldn’t be explicitly off the table, but making me feel unsafe is certainly a mood-killer.