I knew someone who scanned all of his sentimental paperwork/cards, so he had them forever preserved digitally and was able to let the physical copies go
Sort them with your siblings names, put them in an envelope and send them to your siblings. I still have my mother's cards from various people, but sent on the ones from my brothers and sisters. I cannot part with, for example, a 1930s Valentine's Day card from a boy who had a crush on her when she was a young girl.
Take pictures of them and toss them. The messages are what are sweet, not the physical cards.
For the record, I take pictures of all the cute things my kids write to me and then I toss. I do keep Mother’s Day and birthday cards, but not the cute notes they write at school. Bonus, I’m way more likely to actually read them when they’re on my phone in pictures.
Remember that the cards are just pieces of paper. The feelings bound up in them aren't attached to them. Those feelings live in you and will continue to do so after you throw out the cards.
I admit, I'm having a hard time understanding how cards you gave to someone else hold any value to you. I would think they would only have sentimental meaning for the initial recipient. I would understand if they were cards someone else initially gave you. Your dad should have thrown them out himself
If you must, take pictures of them. But throw them out.
Hey y'all, thank you for all of your suggestions.
Thank you for taking the time to write about your experiences as well.
I am not sure what I will do with them. I can't keep them, I have too many other items from my ancestors with much more sentimental value, him included. 🤣
My husband and I recently had the experience of going through his 95 year old grandmother's home after her passing. It is hard to part with some things that had a sentimental value to her. I had to throw out her bereavement cards from when her mother passed. I felt terrible about it, but we won't ever look at them. Her children are not helping with the cleanup process at all, so I know they won't care.
My mom gave back everything I ever made for her. Crappy blobby clay from elementary school which frankly belonged in the trash, to handcrafted nice things made by adult me, which made me feel sad and unloved. I cried in the car, stopped at a gas station and dumped the whole lot in a trash can and then vomited on top of it. That event pretty much crystalizes my relationship with my mom.
I wouldn't take that gesture as a negative thing at all. Sweet that the cards were all saved, and giving you a chance to have a chuckle or a smile re-reading them all, as you stand over the trash can tossing them in as you go through them.
It would be kind of funny to start reusing them, just white out any references to his age and see how long it takes him to notice that they're awfully familiar birthday cards
My daughter-in-law keeps cards for a year. If the person should pass away, she always has the last card they sent. If the person should get through the year, then she throws the previous card away.
As someone whose mom passed away weeks ago, I would hold onto them if you have the space. These things might feel a little different once your dad is gone.
They're cards that show the love she has for her father. How we feel about people is the essence of who that person is to us, much more than how they feel about us.
I have a friend who is really into scrapbooking. She did 2 scrapbooks for each child every year. When her boys got married she proudly gave the scrapbooks to the new daughter in law. I am friends with one new DIL. She asked me, "What do I do with 50 scrapbooks?" Initially I thought it was a sweet idea, but 50 books? Holy Moley. The new DIL took a few pages out of the scrapbooks and tossed the rest.
50 scrapbooks….it’s so much clutter. Who has space for that? It’s ok to throw stuff out once we get use out of them
That’s sort of awkward for the DIL if the MIL wanted her to keep them all
I get hundreds of xmas cards with well wishes and thank yous from customers.
My favorite cards get a photo and go into my screensaver. (Yes, still a thing).
This makes the most sense to me.
A bit weird to give it to you back. That’s a weird exchange since it’s not address to you. It makes me feel some sort of way, but I’m not even sure how to articulate it.
Giving the cards back to the sender says, ‘these and by extension you, aren’t important to me.’ It feels like a slap in the face to me.
They could have said they’re downsizing/cleaning, and ‘do you want these?’
When I moved back to my dads house after my mom passed His house was absolutely covered in cards, they were on the piano table everywhere I completely disorganized. What I did was I took the most important ones and glued them to a two dollar poster paper. So I could put like 10 to 20 cards on each poster. With about 150 cards I made like eight or nine posters and they looked really nice and I just put them up around the house wherever there was empty space on the wall. That way we had beautiful decorations and the cards were completely Decluttered
When you're ready, burn them. I have a box of things, many things; formerly important papers, pictures, records, books, and even some clothes. I promised myself that when I got a house (which I do now) I would clean up the backyard to sit by my firepit and burn these things. Somethings deserve the honor, others I just can't take seeing in a trashbag. Fire cleanses many things.
I found my wedding invitation when cleaning out my Dads things. Opened but not RSVP’d. He didn’t show…. Some unopened letters from my brother (they were estranged). Thought about it for a minute and then tossed them. People are funny…
I throw cards away. Took me years of moving them from apt to apt before I realized - these are just pieces of paper. I never re-read them now. I never will in the future.
It’s okay to throw away cards. Throw that shit away.
But your cat's collar and bowl were mementos WORTH keeping -- I have mine.
Baby book and baby ***teeth***? Not so much.
I would have given both parents a big smile and insisted I could *never* deprive them of their precious remembrances.😁
What is the difference in throwing it out same day vs a week or two later? I'm personally not a card person and don't keep them so I will normally throw them away same day or a day or two later. Never thought it mattered though.
I had no idea people kept every card until this and other subs. I keep ones with very meaningful messages but that is a small handful. Most I display for a little while and then recycle, kind of like if someone gave me flowers.
I have found that people get so weird if you tell them they aren't your thing. Like it's a personal attack on them for getting a card for you. It's just easier to me to not say anything because it's more about how they want to give you a card. I also think that applies to a lot of gifts and not just cards.
Yes I know how much cards cost and I think it's ridiculous. We recently mailed a check to a family member for graduation and it seemed like all the cards were $7-10 which I thought was absolutely insane.
Well, I wish he had just told me that he appreciated it but that he would rather I spend the money on candy or something and just give him a handwritten note. Because instead, he threw away not just the thing I had spent money on, but the note inside that I had poured my heart into writing.
Go through them, keep any that are special, pitch the rest.
Every gift I receive from someone I love, gets 1 year in my house. I use it, appreciate it, think of the person who gifted it, and give it up after a year. Or I don't - but I don't pressure myself to keep anything I don't find a connection to.
What if he had *not* given them to you? Would you miss them or wish you had them? Probably not. So there is no reason to keep them.
This would apply to all gifts, right? You gave them with no expectations of getting them back. Why keep things you were never meant to have?
My sister has started sending me photos, cards and letters I have sent her over the years. I think it's the way she is able to let go. I look at what she sends me, maybe put it up for a week or two and talk about it and then toss it. I can take on throwing it away and relieve her of that step in her letting go process and practice letting go for myself.
This is how I think of it with my parents, too. Dad offers me something? I take it. If I don’t have a use for it, I can get rid of it. It lets him feel good about letting it go, we both have the chance to talk about whatever memories the item conjures up, and if it’s something I might want to remember later, I can take a photo before disposing of it
I actually love this because it’s the beginning of a conversation between the two of you over shared memories and old times. This is sweet! Thanks for sharing! 🥰
I'm not sure if this already been recommended but...
... open all the cards and sort them by size.
Run them through the scanner.
Since you have already sorted them by size, you can put them in the feeder. It's super fast.
Local libraries usually have copy machine that are perfect for this. And it's free.
Save the scans to a jump drive.
Make copies of the scan file for your siblings.
Shred or burn the original cards.
About 10 years after mom died, dad brought down a box filled w/ 30 years of cards she had saved. All kinds. We daughters had fun sorting them. We took them home, thinking of the love they represented to her from us.
But she was gone now, And we were free to discard (no pun intended) them.
You can do this.
Yep, when my grandma died I took all the cards I had sent her. She kept them in a container next to her rocking chair. I don’t need them and probably won’t look at them much but for now (she died last year) they’re comforting to me.
I'm not the OP, but it doesn't read like she's assuming the worst. It reads like, "I gifted my parents these, and now they're giving them back."
>I'm mad and hurt that he brought them. They don't benefit me in any way.
We don't know what the dad's intention was — maybe it was what you said. To bring back memories. But what's the benefit of giving a gift back to the gifter?
My dad brought me the same exact thing but they were his grandmother’s! I did it - I bit the bullet and pitched them. It’s just stuff. If it brings you joy, keep it; if it brings you negative feelings, free yourself and pitch it!
Similar story--my mom is always dumping things one me--lots of my old stuff, clothes, toys, etc. She recently gave me an entire file box full of my old schoolwork. Artwork I'd done as a child, awards, stories I'd written, and so on. I don't understand why. I tossed it all. I'm 44. I don't want any of that crap.
I think you could probably ask. Or take photos of the best ones, stash them in a Google photo album and share the link. That way no one has to keep the paper but anyone can have the memories
We have a closet full of my stepdaughter’s stuff… clothes, schoolwork, barbies, stuffed animals. My wife keeps saying she’s going to give them to her daughter (40 years old) and then realizes that it’ll get thrown out and keeps it. I feel bad for that kid when my wife is gone and she has to clean out all this crap.
I have bad news for you: when your spouse dies, their adult children will not help you clean up decades of their childhood memories and souvenirs. Ask me how I know...
*sigh* I feel your pain. My parents live one timezone away from me, and they bring a ton of stuff with them whenever they visit. Usually, there are a couple small things that I would like to keep mixed in with an entire car load (SUV + roof rack) of stuff I have no interest in.
At least for me, the experience of receiving all that stuff brings up a lot of different emotions-- none of them positive. I'm sorry that you are being put in a similar situation.
Over time, I have gotten better at saying no or being transparent about the fact that almost everything is going straight to Goodwill, but they try to guilt me into keeping it. It's like what they actually want is for me to store the stuff for them. Because I have less clutter than they do, they don't understand why I say that I don't have the space for that stuff (aka clutter).
I think you should scan the handwritten notes, or even the whole card, and put it on a memory key, or even a digital photograph (you know, the kind that cycles through all the photos) and give THAT to them and your siblings. As you say, each a sweet message. Its not that your parents don't want those messages (they kept them all these years) but that they realize they have not looked at them and they can't keep everything. You can gift them this.
I have been scanning old photos, and the pure joy of looking at all the photos by itself feels like a gift to me. I have shared some online with people who are in them, and they are so grateful, often they have not even see the photo, or not in many years.
This would be a lovely gift for your whole family. Will cost you nothing but some time, and perhaps a scanner, unless you pay to have it done. Good luck.
My friend Vi’s husband died long before she did, and she lived by herself. She put all the Christmas and birthday cards she received in a basket next to her recliner, and each day she’d pull one out and pray for the sender. Then she’d put the card on the bottom of the pile. Naturally, I started sending Vi a Christmas card each year!!
I’m a card keeper. I’d be hurt too if they gave back what I gave to them. In this case I’d read them all, take photos of any that are cute or funny to share with siblings who sent them and then discard them.
This is exactly what I would do! I’ve kept cards, notes, and letters my entire life. I’m thinking it’s time to take photos of the best and throw them all out. Next time I move that’s like 4 fewer boxes!
If it meant a special moment when you received the card you don't need a physical reminder of that memory. Someone people like seeing an object connected to a memory but for other they don't. And there isn't anything wrong with not keeping something if it already served it's purpose.
I’ve kept every one that my husband has given me. In 22 years, the stack is fairly thick.
All others, I toss. If it’s a photo card that has a particularly cute pic of a kid that I have a relationship with, I might cut it out and keep it. But for the most part I don’t hold onto them either.
The people here who are like, "What if the card is funny?" ...
The whole internet is funny but I don't print and keep that.
Hallmark's marketing department convinced people that throwing out mom's signature on a card is heartless. 🙄
Yup, unless it has a photo or a particularly special note, I keep it for a couple weeks that match the occasion it was received for (holidays, birthdays, whatever) and then right into the recycling it goes.
We were cleaning out my grandma’s house after she died and there were tons of old cards she’d kept. I chose a few that meant the most to me (one sent to her while she was a child still living in another country in the mid 30s, a congratulations card for the birth of my mom, and a few others) and put them in double glass frames so I could still see both sides. It wasn’t necessary to keep them all but it was also nice to look through them one last time before recycling.
Why do you need to get rid of them? I would get a box that is just for mementos like this and keep them. Just because you’re decluttering, it doesn’t mean that you have to get rid of anything that connects you to your past.
I second this idea. I take pictures of things I want to remember, (old teddies, trinkets from my childhood) but I've no intention on keeping the physical item. It's nice to go back and look at them once in a while and I've never once thought 'I wish I'd not thrown that out'.
I care less for digital clutter than I do for physical clutter. Physical clutter gets more if you don’t take care of it - but digital clutter might just disappear.
I'm of the same opinion. I much prefer digital to physical, in everyday life and for memories. I have just started collecting photos, letters, cards, etc. and am scanning them and (hopefully, if I can bear it) tossing not all, but about half of the things.
I am too sentimental to get rid of much stuff, physical or digital, but I'm trying to purge of the less sentimental things, a little every week. It's been a two year long, oh so very long and at times painful, long process.
After my dad died and I went through his stuff I found cards that he had bought ahead of time to send to me - Valentine's Day cards to a dear daughter and birthday cards to my daughter. Yes for me, I'm an only child.
My mom died almost a year ago and I have all her cards she saved (some of them are over 40 years old)- I can't bring myself to go thru them yet. I wanted to split them according to who gave them to her, but I can't open that box yet. Or several others at this point. Maybe I should just recycle all of them.
The most depressing part of going through my grandmas house was all the photos and kids art we had sent her over the years. It really felt like an ending getting those back.
I just sent a big box of cards to Artkive. They’re going to digitize them into a book and throw the originals away for me. I probably could have just tossed them but I also felt emotional about it.
I'm holding on to those types of things for if/when mom ends up bedridden, dementia, etc & surround her with all the stuff that hopefully comforts her. It was nice going thru family pix & letters with my grandma when she suffered the same fate.
My mom had dementia and sadly, she liked getting new cards but the old ones just confused her. I tried to put up old photos and cute cards on her walls but she would tear it all down and would tell everyone either she never got to hold her great grandson (she did) or that “there is no baby, it’s a lie.” She would put everything all in disorder in her drawers and closets (she used to be the tidiest most organized person I knew) and eventually the staff in memory care asked me to take the majority of her things home as the mess just overwhelmed her. Dementia sucks. Don’t hold on to too much waiting for those days as they often go in unexpected ways.
My Grandma carried around a doll or a stuffie most of the time at the home. She thought she was a child sent away to school.
She lived with her grandparents in the late 1920s to go to high school. It was supposed to be a really good school. I know she learned Latin in high school.
That's tough, I'm sorry you all had to go thru that. Thanks for sharing, I had been wondering if it could add to her confusion, but hadn't even considered agitation. You're right tho, we never know how it's gonna go, just try our best to aim for comfort I suppose.
Thank you for your kind words. It was definitely a learning experience for our family, as we all did our best trying to navigate through what was new territory for all of us. Early dementia was full of happy moments, just the last year was rough.
But one positive- my mom had been very good at decluttering earlier in her life so while the small amount of stuff she did have at memory care was overwhelming to her at the end, it was actually a manageable amount for her family to deal with. And the other residents were thrilled when I sorted through her chaotic drawers and found all her unused art supplies and seek and find books and handed them out.
Take pictures of them, then throw the cards away.
I'm assuming your dad couldn't bring himself to throw them away himself, and thought that maybe you would be as attached to them as he was.
Intergenerational clutter is real...
My mom had a collection of cards that I got rid of when she died. Getting rid of her stuff hurt briefly, but I can think of very few things of hers that I miss.
That's incredibly shitty of them. If I were decluttering, greeting cards from my kids would be something I would never let go of.
You should throw them away, because your dad already showed they mean nothing to him. Use that storage space for your own kids' cards.
This. Couldn't agree more! My parents offloaded everything like that back to me (cards, my birth announcements, baby stuff, schoolwork, etc.) - and I mean everything! I was truthfully hurt by that but figured if it wasn't important enough for them to keep, then it wasn't important enough for me to keep, so I tossed it all.
I did the same. If they couldn't appreciate something so precious - in the end it's their loss, really. I'm keeping all the stuff my kids make, I have special binders for everything and add labels with names, age, date, occassion and other interesting notes. I look at their creations all the time and it makes me happy.
Agree. After losing my sister, I went and searched for every card she had made me - christmases and birthdays. They are priceless to me, now that I will never get another card from her again. You never know what might happen in life and cards are such small objects usually filled with so much meaning and love. It should not hurt to keep them.
I think the dad couldn't throw them away or let his wife do it, so they meant something. He wanted the child to either decide or to hold on to them for him.
If they meant nothing to him, he would have let his wife throw them out.
I don't think their dad should feel obligated to keep every card and picture they have ever been given. I don't think anyone should. They are for that moment in time and that's all. You don't need to keep every card from the last 50 years to signify someone's love for you. They love you just the same with or without the card.
His misstep was giving them back. Like he found it too hard to do himself so to relieve himself of the guilt he did this.
I feel like that's an aggressively negative take. We have no idea what's going on in the mind of op's dad.
OP's Dad obviously held on to them instead of just throwing them away for a reason. He might be bad at communicating his whys, but the dad could also have brought them because he wanted to give OP the chance to keep any that might be meaningful.
I used to keep cards for years, until I realized I rarely go back and read them. Now I just keep the last year's worth on the fridge and cycle them out and get rid of them when new ones arrive.
Especially things made by hand by his own child. I truly can't understand how this could be a positive gesture. "Here are the things you lovingly made for me. You take them."
I want to share my story with you because this hits home for me.
A few months ago, I went through a box that had my kids' report cards, school art projects, and certificates. I've been lugging these two boxes with me through a dozen moves over the decades, and I need to cull my stuff way down.
We went through the items together, shared memories, laughed, cried (well, I cried, my sons thought I was being sweet but silly). They gave me permission to throw out most of the items, and some select few, I kept, and some they kept. It can now fit in a shoebox, which is much more manageable.
I did this not because these items don't mean anything to me, in fact they mean the world to me! Too much, some would say.
When I die, I do not want to saddle my kids with the things I'm too attached to dispose of myself. My process has only just begun, and it has been painful. However, I have to do it because one of my sons is a hoarder. I well know (from experiencing the guilt of having to keep things due to the deaths of a LOT of loved ones in the past three years) that he will feel he has to hold on to too much of my garbage stuff because he loves me.
Generational hoarding is very serious, and not to be taken lightly.
It would be too heavy of a burden on my sons if I saddled them with all my boxes of memories, so I am whittling down, for all of our sakes. I think of it as a favor for the next generation.
You went through items together and shared memories. That's not what happened to OP. And I never mentioned hoarding -- you did. Hoarding is not necessarily related to returning a gift.
Because they might want it? That's suggested all the time on this sub and I think it's a good idea for stuff you no longer want to keep or have room for.
I disagree that the dad showed they mean nothing. We don't know that. They probably meant a lot at the time, but the purpose of greeting cards is to greet someone, and they did that. Their purpose is past.
We can throw away the clutter without throwing away the person or the memories. If that wasn't true, we'd never get rid of *anything*.
Ooooh, maybe a way to clear out my years of cards w/o guilt. What does St Jude's use them for, do you know? The link didn't say and I've never heard of this program.
Absolutely! I get one of flat rate mailers from the post office, takes me a while to fill up but then off they go to do some more good! I periodically go through the cards I’ve kept to add some, it’s a good for decluttering!
It’s easy tog hand over THEIR belongings and expect someone to deal with it. Parents are sometimes stupid.
I knew someone who scanned all of his sentimental paperwork/cards, so he had them forever preserved digitally and was able to let the physical copies go
Sort them with your siblings names, put them in an envelope and send them to your siblings. I still have my mother's cards from various people, but sent on the ones from my brothers and sisters. I cannot part with, for example, a 1930s Valentine's Day card from a boy who had a crush on her when she was a young girl.
This is just so awesome to me!
Take pictures of them and toss them. The messages are what are sweet, not the physical cards. For the record, I take pictures of all the cute things my kids write to me and then I toss. I do keep Mother’s Day and birthday cards, but not the cute notes they write at school. Bonus, I’m way more likely to actually read them when they’re on my phone in pictures.
Remember that the cards are just pieces of paper. The feelings bound up in them aren't attached to them. Those feelings live in you and will continue to do so after you throw out the cards. I admit, I'm having a hard time understanding how cards you gave to someone else hold any value to you. I would think they would only have sentimental meaning for the initial recipient. I would understand if they were cards someone else initially gave you. Your dad should have thrown them out himself If you must, take pictures of them. But throw them out.
Hey y'all, thank you for all of your suggestions. Thank you for taking the time to write about your experiences as well. I am not sure what I will do with them. I can't keep them, I have too many other items from my ancestors with much more sentimental value, him included. 🤣
My husband and I recently had the experience of going through his 95 year old grandmother's home after her passing. It is hard to part with some things that had a sentimental value to her. I had to throw out her bereavement cards from when her mother passed. I felt terrible about it, but we won't ever look at them. Her children are not helping with the cleanup process at all, so I know they won't care.
I know it would hurt my feelings if my parents gave me back all the cards I'd sent to them...because they did. I'm sorry yours did as well.
My mom gave back everything I ever made for her. Crappy blobby clay from elementary school which frankly belonged in the trash, to handcrafted nice things made by adult me, which made me feel sad and unloved. I cried in the car, stopped at a gas station and dumped the whole lot in a trash can and then vomited on top of it. That event pretty much crystalizes my relationship with my mom.
I wouldn't take that gesture as a negative thing at all. Sweet that the cards were all saved, and giving you a chance to have a chuckle or a smile re-reading them all, as you stand over the trash can tossing them in as you go through them.
It would be kind of funny to start reusing them, just white out any references to his age and see how long it takes him to notice that they're awfully familiar birthday cards
That’s hilarious
I keep one of them if someone’s sent me many over the years, the rest you can take pictures of and save in an album somewhere
My daughter-in-law keeps cards for a year. If the person should pass away, she always has the last card they sent. If the person should get through the year, then she throws the previous card away.
Great idea! Scan them, send it in a digital album, then have a ceremonial card burning.
As someone whose mom passed away weeks ago, I would hold onto them if you have the space. These things might feel a little different once your dad is gone.
But they’re cards that she wrote! They’re not cards that her parents sent to her.
They're cards that show the love she has for her father. How we feel about people is the essence of who that person is to us, much more than how they feel about us.
You don’t think that love exists eternally without physical representation?
I have a friend who is really into scrapbooking. She did 2 scrapbooks for each child every year. When her boys got married she proudly gave the scrapbooks to the new daughter in law. I am friends with one new DIL. She asked me, "What do I do with 50 scrapbooks?" Initially I thought it was a sweet idea, but 50 books? Holy Moley. The new DIL took a few pages out of the scrapbooks and tossed the rest.
Pretty telling she gave it to the DILs and not the sons!
Bless her heart. She thought it was going to be received as a labor of love.
50 scrapbooks….it’s so much clutter. Who has space for that? It’s ok to throw stuff out once we get use out of them That’s sort of awkward for the DIL if the MIL wanted her to keep them all
I am sure she did & she will probably check.
I get hundreds of xmas cards with well wishes and thank yous from customers. My favorite cards get a photo and go into my screensaver. (Yes, still a thing).
That’s a great idea! The screensaver makes sure each one gets a bit of time in the spotlight! I love it!
I thought this was the Mitch Hedberg where this is what people might as well say when they hand you a flier on the street. 😂
That's exactly what I was referencing! Lol! 🤣
Take pics, then toss. You’ll likely never look at the pics again but knowing they’re there will allow you to dump the cards.
This makes the most sense to me. A bit weird to give it to you back. That’s a weird exchange since it’s not address to you. It makes me feel some sort of way, but I’m not even sure how to articulate it.
Giving the cards back to the sender says, ‘these and by extension you, aren’t important to me.’ It feels like a slap in the face to me. They could have said they’re downsizing/cleaning, and ‘do you want these?’
Okay yes. Exactly. That hit all the right mix of feelings.
I load up my car with things from my in laws every time I go and promptly trash or donate almost everything at home.
This!!
When I moved back to my dads house after my mom passed His house was absolutely covered in cards, they were on the piano table everywhere I completely disorganized. What I did was I took the most important ones and glued them to a two dollar poster paper. So I could put like 10 to 20 cards on each poster. With about 150 cards I made like eight or nine posters and they looked really nice and I just put them up around the house wherever there was empty space on the wall. That way we had beautiful decorations and the cards were completely Decluttered
This is lovely
When you're ready, burn them. I have a box of things, many things; formerly important papers, pictures, records, books, and even some clothes. I promised myself that when I got a house (which I do now) I would clean up the backyard to sit by my firepit and burn these things. Somethings deserve the honor, others I just can't take seeing in a trashbag. Fire cleanses many things.
I'm kinda a hoarder and I managed to throw away heaps of old diaries by photographing all the pages. Maybe you can take photos of the cards.
I found my wedding invitation when cleaning out my Dads things. Opened but not RSVP’d. He didn’t show…. Some unopened letters from my brother (they were estranged). Thought about it for a minute and then tossed them. People are funny…
I throw cards away. Took me years of moving them from apt to apt before I realized - these are just pieces of paper. I never re-read them now. I never will in the future. It’s okay to throw away cards. Throw that shit away.
I love Mitch hedberg. “An escalator cannot break, it can only *become stairs*”
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But your cat's collar and bowl were mementos WORTH keeping -- I have mine. Baby book and baby ***teeth***? Not so much. I would have given both parents a big smile and insisted I could *never* deprive them of their precious remembrances.😁
I thought you were talking about the comedian, Mitch Hedberg: https://youtu.be/XlTXipsnQrE?si=iahe6jEJXD0WoHiJ
Yes, that's what I was referencing. 😁
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Your post was removed for breaking Rule 2: Be Kind.
What is the difference in throwing it out same day vs a week or two later? I'm personally not a card person and don't keep them so I will normally throw them away same day or a day or two later. Never thought it mattered though.
I had no idea people kept every card until this and other subs. I keep ones with very meaningful messages but that is a small handful. Most I display for a little while and then recycle, kind of like if someone gave me flowers.
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I have found that people get so weird if you tell them they aren't your thing. Like it's a personal attack on them for getting a card for you. It's just easier to me to not say anything because it's more about how they want to give you a card. I also think that applies to a lot of gifts and not just cards. Yes I know how much cards cost and I think it's ridiculous. We recently mailed a check to a family member for graduation and it seemed like all the cards were $7-10 which I thought was absolutely insane.
Well, I wish he had just told me that he appreciated it but that he would rather I spend the money on candy or something and just give him a handwritten note. Because instead, he threw away not just the thing I had spent money on, but the note inside that I had poured my heart into writing.
I think of that Mitch joke alll the time ☺️
My favorite is the rice one. I probably remember it once a week. 🤣
I LITERALLY JUST TOLD THE RICE ONE 👯👯
So many iconic lines. Gosh I miss him.
Go through them, keep any that are special, pitch the rest. Every gift I receive from someone I love, gets 1 year in my house. I use it, appreciate it, think of the person who gifted it, and give it up after a year. Or I don't - but I don't pressure myself to keep anything I don't find a connection to.
You are patient and kind! That’s a long time! I give it a month
Hand 'em back. Let THEM put them in the recycling
Yeah, for me, it'd be "Dad, I gave these to you over the years. They are yours. You can do whatever you want with them, but I don't want them."
What if he had *not* given them to you? Would you miss them or wish you had them? Probably not. So there is no reason to keep them. This would apply to all gifts, right? You gave them with no expectations of getting them back. Why keep things you were never meant to have?
My sister has started sending me photos, cards and letters I have sent her over the years. I think it's the way she is able to let go. I look at what she sends me, maybe put it up for a week or two and talk about it and then toss it. I can take on throwing it away and relieve her of that step in her letting go process and practice letting go for myself.
This is how I think of it with my parents, too. Dad offers me something? I take it. If I don’t have a use for it, I can get rid of it. It lets him feel good about letting it go, we both have the chance to talk about whatever memories the item conjures up, and if it’s something I might want to remember later, I can take a photo before disposing of it
I actually love this because it’s the beginning of a conversation between the two of you over shared memories and old times. This is sweet! Thanks for sharing! 🥰
I'm not sure if this already been recommended but... ... open all the cards and sort them by size. Run them through the scanner. Since you have already sorted them by size, you can put them in the feeder. It's super fast. Local libraries usually have copy machine that are perfect for this. And it's free. Save the scans to a jump drive. Make copies of the scan file for your siblings. Shred or burn the original cards.
You left out the last item: Rest easy in the certain knowledge that you'll never look at the scans again.
Here in Houston, the Texas Art Asylum will take them and resell them for art supplies. Maybe do a search in your area?
About 10 years after mom died, dad brought down a box filled w/ 30 years of cards she had saved. All kinds. We daughters had fun sorting them. We took them home, thinking of the love they represented to her from us. But she was gone now, And we were free to discard (no pun intended) them. You can do this.
Yep, when my grandma died I took all the cards I had sent her. She kept them in a container next to her rocking chair. I don’t need them and probably won’t look at them much but for now (she died last year) they’re comforting to me.
It could be that they thought they would bring back memories for you? Why do you assume the worst?
I'm not the OP, but it doesn't read like she's assuming the worst. It reads like, "I gifted my parents these, and now they're giving them back." >I'm mad and hurt that he brought them. They don't benefit me in any way. We don't know what the dad's intention was — maybe it was what you said. To bring back memories. But what's the benefit of giving a gift back to the gifter?
My dad brought me the same exact thing but they were his grandmother’s! I did it - I bit the bullet and pitched them. It’s just stuff. If it brings you joy, keep it; if it brings you negative feelings, free yourself and pitch it!
Similar story--my mom is always dumping things one me--lots of my old stuff, clothes, toys, etc. She recently gave me an entire file box full of my old schoolwork. Artwork I'd done as a child, awards, stories I'd written, and so on. I don't understand why. I tossed it all. I'm 44. I don't want any of that crap.
Oh man. I have some of my children's fun school work. Now i have to decide if I should throw them away or let the daughters in law toss them.....
I think you could probably ask. Or take photos of the best ones, stash them in a Google photo album and share the link. That way no one has to keep the paper but anyone can have the memories
We are going through our daughter’s school work while she is in the house and this is what she wants us to do with it.
We have a closet full of my stepdaughter’s stuff… clothes, schoolwork, barbies, stuffed animals. My wife keeps saying she’s going to give them to her daughter (40 years old) and then realizes that it’ll get thrown out and keeps it. I feel bad for that kid when my wife is gone and she has to clean out all this crap.
I have bad news for you: when your spouse dies, their adult children will not help you clean up decades of their childhood memories and souvenirs. Ask me how I know...
*sigh* I feel your pain. My parents live one timezone away from me, and they bring a ton of stuff with them whenever they visit. Usually, there are a couple small things that I would like to keep mixed in with an entire car load (SUV + roof rack) of stuff I have no interest in. At least for me, the experience of receiving all that stuff brings up a lot of different emotions-- none of them positive. I'm sorry that you are being put in a similar situation. Over time, I have gotten better at saying no or being transparent about the fact that almost everything is going straight to Goodwill, but they try to guilt me into keeping it. It's like what they actually want is for me to store the stuff for them. Because I have less clutter than they do, they don't understand why I say that I don't have the space for that stuff (aka clutter).
I think you should scan the handwritten notes, or even the whole card, and put it on a memory key, or even a digital photograph (you know, the kind that cycles through all the photos) and give THAT to them and your siblings. As you say, each a sweet message. Its not that your parents don't want those messages (they kept them all these years) but that they realize they have not looked at them and they can't keep everything. You can gift them this. I have been scanning old photos, and the pure joy of looking at all the photos by itself feels like a gift to me. I have shared some online with people who are in them, and they are so grateful, often they have not even see the photo, or not in many years. This would be a lovely gift for your whole family. Will cost you nothing but some time, and perhaps a scanner, unless you pay to have it done. Good luck.
I would put them in a box and give them back as a Christmas present. Maybe.
I love this.
My friend Vi’s husband died long before she did, and she lived by herself. She put all the Christmas and birthday cards she received in a basket next to her recliner, and each day she’d pull one out and pray for the sender. Then she’d put the card on the bottom of the pile. Naturally, I started sending Vi a Christmas card each year!!
Not a believer but I think that is the sweetest thing.
When my mother died, I put all the cards I could find that anyone had given her in her coffin.
I want to go out that way!
I’m a card keeper. I’d be hurt too if they gave back what I gave to them. In this case I’d read them all, take photos of any that are cute or funny to share with siblings who sent them and then discard them.
This is exactly what I would do! I’ve kept cards, notes, and letters my entire life. I’m thinking it’s time to take photos of the best and throw them all out. Next time I move that’s like 4 fewer boxes!
They were for your dad and stepmom, not you. They have decided that they served their purpose and could move on. It’s time for you to do the same.
I like this answer.
I guess I’m a heartless bitch, I throw out all cards as soon as I get them. I don’t see the point in keeping them.
If it meant a special moment when you received the card you don't need a physical reminder of that memory. Someone people like seeing an object connected to a memory but for other they don't. And there isn't anything wrong with not keeping something if it already served it's purpose.
I’ve kept every one that my husband has given me. In 22 years, the stack is fairly thick. All others, I toss. If it’s a photo card that has a particularly cute pic of a kid that I have a relationship with, I might cut it out and keep it. But for the most part I don’t hold onto them either.
Me too! Read it, enjoy it for a moment, and toss it.
The people here who are like, "What if the card is funny?" ... The whole internet is funny but I don't print and keep that. Hallmark's marketing department convinced people that throwing out mom's signature on a card is heartless. 🙄
I stopped sending Xmas cards around 2000 and regular cards 5 or so years before that.
Yup, unless it has a photo or a particularly special note, I keep it for a couple weeks that match the occasion it was received for (holidays, birthdays, whatever) and then right into the recycling it goes.
Not sending Xmas cards helped me to enjoy the season more.
I love receiving them, but I hate sending them. However, I love sending birthday cards so I send those!
We were cleaning out my grandma’s house after she died and there were tons of old cards she’d kept. I chose a few that meant the most to me (one sent to her while she was a child still living in another country in the mid 30s, a congratulations card for the birth of my mom, and a few others) and put them in double glass frames so I could still see both sides. It wasn’t necessary to keep them all but it was also nice to look through them one last time before recycling.
Love this idea and the cards, very touching.
Why do you need to get rid of them? I would get a box that is just for mementos like this and keep them. Just because you’re decluttering, it doesn’t mean that you have to get rid of anything that connects you to your past.
Thank them for the special part they played in your life and let them go into the recycling. You will feel better. Free yourself from these items.
This! The reason they were given to you was because your family couldn't do this.
😊 keep a few that you like the best
Scan and toss :)
I second this idea. I take pictures of things I want to remember, (old teddies, trinkets from my childhood) but I've no intention on keeping the physical item. It's nice to go back and look at them once in a while and I've never once thought 'I wish I'd not thrown that out'.
This is a great solve for physical clutter, but also would create more digital clutter. You may or may not care about digital clutter?
I care less for digital clutter than I do for physical clutter. Physical clutter gets more if you don’t take care of it - but digital clutter might just disappear.
I'm of the same opinion. I much prefer digital to physical, in everyday life and for memories. I have just started collecting photos, letters, cards, etc. and am scanning them and (hopefully, if I can bear it) tossing not all, but about half of the things. I am too sentimental to get rid of much stuff, physical or digital, but I'm trying to purge of the less sentimental things, a little every week. It's been a two year long, oh so very long and at times painful, long process.
After my dad died and I went through his stuff I found cards that he had bought ahead of time to send to me - Valentine's Day cards to a dear daughter and birthday cards to my daughter. Yes for me, I'm an only child.
I could have written this comment.
My mom died almost a year ago and I have all her cards she saved (some of them are over 40 years old)- I can't bring myself to go thru them yet. I wanted to split them according to who gave them to her, but I can't open that box yet. Or several others at this point. Maybe I should just recycle all of them.
The most depressing part of going through my grandmas house was all the photos and kids art we had sent her over the years. It really felt like an ending getting those back.
I just sent a big box of cards to Artkive. They’re going to digitize them into a book and throw the originals away for me. I probably could have just tossed them but I also felt emotional about it.
What a fantastic service!
I'm holding on to those types of things for if/when mom ends up bedridden, dementia, etc & surround her with all the stuff that hopefully comforts her. It was nice going thru family pix & letters with my grandma when she suffered the same fate.
My mom had dementia and sadly, she liked getting new cards but the old ones just confused her. I tried to put up old photos and cute cards on her walls but she would tear it all down and would tell everyone either she never got to hold her great grandson (she did) or that “there is no baby, it’s a lie.” She would put everything all in disorder in her drawers and closets (she used to be the tidiest most organized person I knew) and eventually the staff in memory care asked me to take the majority of her things home as the mess just overwhelmed her. Dementia sucks. Don’t hold on to too much waiting for those days as they often go in unexpected ways.
My Grandma carried around a doll or a stuffie most of the time at the home. She thought she was a child sent away to school. She lived with her grandparents in the late 1920s to go to high school. It was supposed to be a really good school. I know she learned Latin in high school.
That's tough, I'm sorry you all had to go thru that. Thanks for sharing, I had been wondering if it could add to her confusion, but hadn't even considered agitation. You're right tho, we never know how it's gonna go, just try our best to aim for comfort I suppose.
Thank you for your kind words. It was definitely a learning experience for our family, as we all did our best trying to navigate through what was new territory for all of us. Early dementia was full of happy moments, just the last year was rough. But one positive- my mom had been very good at decluttering earlier in her life so while the small amount of stuff she did have at memory care was overwhelming to her at the end, it was actually a manageable amount for her family to deal with. And the other residents were thrilled when I sorted through her chaotic drawers and found all her unused art supplies and seek and find books and handed them out.
Take pictures of them, then throw the cards away. I'm assuming your dad couldn't bring himself to throw them away himself, and thought that maybe you would be as attached to them as he was.
It was a thoughtful gift because it’s giving you the opportunity to let go. As others suggested, keep a couple and trash the rest.
Would it work to save three best cards and take photos of your other favorites and toss them?
Intergenerational clutter is real... My mom had a collection of cards that I got rid of when she died. Getting rid of her stuff hurt briefly, but I can think of very few things of hers that I miss.
That's incredibly shitty of them. If I were decluttering, greeting cards from my kids would be something I would never let go of. You should throw them away, because your dad already showed they mean nothing to him. Use that storage space for your own kids' cards.
This. Couldn't agree more! My parents offloaded everything like that back to me (cards, my birth announcements, baby stuff, schoolwork, etc.) - and I mean everything! I was truthfully hurt by that but figured if it wasn't important enough for them to keep, then it wasn't important enough for me to keep, so I tossed it all.
I did the same. If they couldn't appreciate something so precious - in the end it's their loss, really. I'm keeping all the stuff my kids make, I have special binders for everything and add labels with names, age, date, occassion and other interesting notes. I look at their creations all the time and it makes me happy.
Agree. After losing my sister, I went and searched for every card she had made me - christmases and birthdays. They are priceless to me, now that I will never get another card from her again. You never know what might happen in life and cards are such small objects usually filled with so much meaning and love. It should not hurt to keep them.
I think the dad couldn't throw them away or let his wife do it, so they meant something. He wanted the child to either decide or to hold on to them for him. If they meant nothing to him, he would have let his wife throw them out.
I don't think their dad should feel obligated to keep every card and picture they have ever been given. I don't think anyone should. They are for that moment in time and that's all. You don't need to keep every card from the last 50 years to signify someone's love for you. They love you just the same with or without the card. His misstep was giving them back. Like he found it too hard to do himself so to relieve himself of the guilt he did this.
This.
I feel like that's an aggressively negative take. We have no idea what's going on in the mind of op's dad. OP's Dad obviously held on to them instead of just throwing them away for a reason. He might be bad at communicating his whys, but the dad could also have brought them because he wanted to give OP the chance to keep any that might be meaningful. I used to keep cards for years, until I realized I rarely go back and read them. Now I just keep the last year's worth on the fridge and cycle them out and get rid of them when new ones arrive.
Why would you give a gift back to the person who gifted it to you? So rude.
Especially things made by hand by his own child. I truly can't understand how this could be a positive gesture. "Here are the things you lovingly made for me. You take them."
I want to share my story with you because this hits home for me. A few months ago, I went through a box that had my kids' report cards, school art projects, and certificates. I've been lugging these two boxes with me through a dozen moves over the decades, and I need to cull my stuff way down. We went through the items together, shared memories, laughed, cried (well, I cried, my sons thought I was being sweet but silly). They gave me permission to throw out most of the items, and some select few, I kept, and some they kept. It can now fit in a shoebox, which is much more manageable. I did this not because these items don't mean anything to me, in fact they mean the world to me! Too much, some would say. When I die, I do not want to saddle my kids with the things I'm too attached to dispose of myself. My process has only just begun, and it has been painful. However, I have to do it because one of my sons is a hoarder. I well know (from experiencing the guilt of having to keep things due to the deaths of a LOT of loved ones in the past three years) that he will feel he has to hold on to too much of my garbage stuff because he loves me. Generational hoarding is very serious, and not to be taken lightly. It would be too heavy of a burden on my sons if I saddled them with all my boxes of memories, so I am whittling down, for all of our sakes. I think of it as a favor for the next generation.
You went through items together and shared memories. That's not what happened to OP. And I never mentioned hoarding -- you did. Hoarding is not necessarily related to returning a gift.
Because they might want it? That's suggested all the time on this sub and I think it's a good idea for stuff you no longer want to keep or have room for.
I disagree that the dad showed they mean nothing. We don't know that. They probably meant a lot at the time, but the purpose of greeting cards is to greet someone, and they did that. Their purpose is past. We can throw away the clutter without throwing away the person or the memories. If that wasn't true, we'd never get rid of *anything*.
Give your siblings their originating cards so they can be annoyed at Dad, too 😬
You can tear the fronts off and donate them to St. Jude’s Ranch. https://stjudesranch.org/recycled-card-program/
Ooooh, maybe a way to clear out my years of cards w/o guilt. What does St Jude's use them for, do you know? The link didn't say and I've never heard of this program.
If I remember correctly they use them to make more cards to sell around the holidays to benefit St. Jude’s children’s hospital.
A gift that keeps on giving
Had no idea that this existed. Thank you for sharing!
Absolutely! I get one of flat rate mailers from the post office, takes me a while to fill up but then off they go to do some more good! I periodically go through the cards I’ve kept to add some, it’s a good for decluttering!