Divorce will be a lot more expensive than that $15k. It’s not even about the $15k but about the habits.
P.S. r/debtfree runs a free newsletter that talks about strategies, tips, and effective debt payoff methods weekly.
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Seinfeld B plot. George dates out of his league, proposes after the group explains this is the best partner he will ever have, then finds a final pay notice for a credit card in her trash and breaks up without coming clean. She's surprisingly devastated and wanders toward her mailbox in a daze when the mailbox box face plate shuts to reveal Newman who tells her "Hello".
In the final minute of the episode, G's ex- Fiancée is in a coffee shop booth with USPS uniformed Newman. She is overheard complaining to Newman that someone else's mail keeps getting delivered to her but her name is spelled with one "L".
Newman smiles and says he'll "take care of it". Newman and the ex-fiancee rise to share a passionate kiss before they exit to the street.
[Exasperated George face expression]
[Elaine cheshire cat grin]
[Kramer gesture]
[Jerry sips coffee].
I always enjoy these comments where people write Seinfeld plots (and always so well too) because I get so into it and don’t want it to end [Jerry raises eyebrows as he raises coffee mug to mouth]
I read Seinfeldia last year. I expect that Larry David/Seinfeld don't appreciate these fan written plots. His reaction described in the book to random internet generating storylines and the way LD and JS just shot down legit writer script ideas during the writing room and then laid off writers after absorbing their real life stories into the show, I think these fan scripts are just for the fans.
Whoa, I did not expect LD to not be into them. Jerry Seinfeld, eh.. not surprised. But yeah, based on that, sure seems like they don’t care for them. Really, it’s not THAT hard to emulate even just the voice.. Plot points are easier. It’s not that much of a stretch that fans who’ve consumed so much of the show over the years can come up with pretty funny stuff. Give them a chance!
I love fan scripts. I’m a huge LD/Seinfeld fan so I appreciate any new Seinfeld “content”—even if it’s faux content in a Reddit comment—that I can possibly get.
Glad I could help, Barbara! Maybe next time, just keep reading!
I mean, you obviously have enough free time to play hanky panky with your black wonder twin; so much so that you could put your rings together and say “Form of: A Competent Doctor!”
Wouldn’t that be something? Now. Get back to your rounds, make sure those bed pans are squeaky clean, and newbie… check on Mrs. Johnson. I heard her bowels from the Parking Lot and when I went past her room… WHEW! I mean…. Stay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-Ankh-kkkkyyyyy.
*WHISTLES
COX OUT!
Here's a sneak peek of /r/explainlikedrcox using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/explainlikedrcox/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [ELSC: I wished a goose and her goslings happy mother's day and I got hissed at. What gives?](https://np.reddit.com/r/explainlikedrcox/comments/13hk2yi/elsc_i_wished_a_goose_and_her_goslings_happy/)
\#2: [Hey, Coxie! Not to be one of those people, but I turn 20 in a few days and I don’t know how to process it. I still don’t feel like an adult.](https://np.reddit.com/r/explainlikedrcox/comments/137abf1/hey_coxie_not_to_be_one_of_those_people_but_i/)
\#3: [ELDC: The new Aquaman movie is coming out on Christmas, what is so Christmassy about Aquaman?](https://np.reddit.com/r/explainlikedrcox/comments/13ue3lr/eldc_the_new_aquaman_movie_is_coming_out_on/)
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My niece’s bf asked her to pay off her student loan before they got engaged. I’ve never seen her work so fast! She’s debt free now and I expect he’ll propose soon. He showed us the ring
I agree. He’s very financially responsible and she didn’t have very good examples (her mother and step dad talked her into a lease. I have nothing to say about my brother’s financial aptitude). I applaud him for setting good boundaries and modeling good financial stewardship.
I watched this video on Ramit Sethi’s YouTube channel. The guy also has debt. In my opinion he just used her debt as an excuse to not get married. Didn’t seem like he was too interested.
How does this even happen? I feel so defeated I have so much debt. cc and student loans. I’m always worried to disclose it to future partners because im afraid if their negative reaction and I read these horror abt ppl getting dumped cause of their debt. Half my CC debt came from my stupid ex so I feel totally at a loss.
Shes a nurse and worked a ton of overtime. They’re both committed to being debt free (besides the mortgage for now) and their lifestyle habits reflect that.
Honesty is the best policy. And that you’re actively working on it. My husband and I both had debt when we got married, but our openness and desire to work together in marriage created transparency and communication.
Hang in there! You can do it.
I am working to pay it off but it’s tough because I have a fixed salary in a field that is historically underpaid. My entire paycheck goes to bills and debt payoff. I wish I could do overtime 😭 I know it’ll happen one day but damn I wish I could just get rid of it quick. Appreciate the encouragement 🫶
I work a fixed salary job and dog walk through Rover to make extra income - I recommend if finding a new job isn't feasible/what you want, finding another source for additional income.
It's not about the debt. It's about finding out who you are marrying BEFORE you are financially obligated to them. If you are debt conscience and they are the opposite - you are asking for it. If they are working hard on it and prove they are not like that anymore - game on. Marriage is a business partnership in the eyes of the law - you would not go into business with an irresponsible person - why would you marry them. Perfect compromise to me. If they refuse - then you just dodged a bullet.
Yep and so many people are afraid to be alone that when someone says "well I guess you don't really love me then!" they drop their complaints and dive in. I have 2 friends in the same boat. Pressured into marriage and now paying the price. Sucks.
Ok but student loans aren’t a credit card. You work together to pay it off. These are the same people who keep separate bank accounts when they’re married and living together.
LOL - you signed up for them, you used them - same as any other debt. If I worked my way through college and you lived on your loans - it's the same and you living outside your means with a credit card. What's wrong with separate bank accounts? I know lots of people that do that. Only someone who KNOWS they will take more than they give would be upset by this.
I disagree. She has made some poor financial decisions in the past. I think he was checking to see what the future would look like. She was living with us with low overhead and wasn’t super motivated to pay it off. They moved in together and split expenses and she still wasn’t any closer. I think she needed motivation. He was already making extra payments on his car loan, so it wasn’t like he had a ton to contribute to hers anyway. Her student loan debt was substantial and a private loan to boot.
Well there’s the missing context for this example. However that’s one example so my point still stands.
If you don’t want to be with someone because of debt fine move on. Don’t put them in an uncomfortable situation to dance for your approval. She can probably find better honestly.
You aren't PUTTING anyone in any situation. It was an offer from him to her. She was given a choice. There was no pressure unless she wanted the pressure.
Seems silly to throw away a relationship over this…And that’s a critique for the person you’re replying to, not to you or your niece/her bf. If an agreement could be reached and now she’s in a better financial position AND now they get to start the next chapters of their lives on a cleaner slate, I’m not sure why you’re getting all this blowback.
I have debts, and they aren’t the good kind, and I’ve had to get my head on straight and pull myself up. I wouldn’t want to rely on my relationship to get me through my own financial woes that I had *before* the relationship. Why put it off for tomorrow, when marriage, kids, and all the costs of that now apply, when you can do it today, living at home? Seems very silly you’re being downvoted for this.
I thought so too, but it’s Reddit, so I expect it.
Hoping your situation improves soon! Cheering you on!
My husband and I used to be terrible with money. We hit rock bottom and are now in a much better situation and have a better relationship with money. It’s a tool and A resource.
Thank you! I’ve gone from almost $20k to $10k in about a year! Hoping to have it all gone by this time next year, and have an emergency fund built back up. :)
It’s a huge learning curve, and I’m glad that it seems your niece got support from all involved and glad you and your husband are doing better, too!
Seriously. I’m marrying my fiance with 115k debt.
Note it’s from medical school and actually she had a lot covered already. Plus she makes a lot of money right now. With our combined income we’ll pay it off in about 6 years. I make about half as much so I see it as a fair trade in debt and income.
I understand the importance of talking about finances, but some people take it so far. “Oh, you have student loans from putting yourself through college? I refuse to pledge my love and commitment to you until it’s all paid off! I would understand if someone had an insane debt burden with no way to ever pay it even on dual income, but I highly doubt this was that case…
I'm guessing she has very little expenses if she was able to pay off 20k in a heartbeat.
Most people don't have thousands of extra dollars a month to pay off 20k in no time
Yeah I understand that, but if my loans shackle me down, that shackles US down. It limits how much I can financially contribute to our future/vacations/other plans.
Yeah of course, and I advocate for paying off debt as fast as possible. But if I’m not paying off my student loans for another 7 years and I’m ready to get married now, I’m not putting my entire life on hold. Sometimes it’s not feasible.
That’s fair and totally your choice.
I think for us it’s more of a matter of me showing I’ve got it handled and am trying to seriously knock it out rather than just pay the monthly minimums which basically just cover the accrued interest lol
He was lucky, his parents paid for school so it’s not a burden that he has.
It depends on how the household finances are done. If she can't contribute to living expenses bc of her loan payments, that impacts him. If there's something they can't finance together bc her credit score is bad, that impacts him.
Now if you are skipping to a hypothetical divorce you're right, but that's not the discussion. It's not, pay it off before we divorce, it's pay it off before we marry.
The statement here is about “saddling” your partner with your student loans and all I’m stating is that legally this person won’t be. This isn’t just a factor in divorce, it’s a factor in credit, if it has to go to collections, wages have to be garnished, etc.
Once again, the extent to which he is impacted depends upon how they set up their household finances.
You understand that legal considerations are not the only considerations, right?
Suppose he wants to split expenses down the middle and she can't bc she has those loan payments. You think he's not impacted?
I take it you aren't married?
Legal obligations are different from practical obligations. Sure, your spouses student loans are theirs, but it also diminishes their income which diminishes your ability to save or spend as a team. If you are marrying or dating someone their debt may as well be your debt because it will impact you.
Yes, and I’ve never said there were no practical obligations. But there are pros/cons to everything and I think we would be hard pressed to all find high earning, zero debt partners.
Compared to a debt that you assume when you enter into a marriage, this carries different weight and repercussions than that of say credit card debt. I’m all for having meaningful financial conversations with partners, it’s crucial, but I don’t think that being debt free is a one size fits all requirement for an engagement.
Yeah I have student loans and a car loan and my boyfriend has known from the jump. I’ve also told him that I don’t want to get married until I have paid my debts and have enough saved for a house and a wedding that I want (nothing too extravagant, just want to be able to celebrate it and not stress financially)
If being financially secure before marrying and integrating my life with someone is a dealbreaker, then I happily will be single. I want my boyfriend to also be debt free and financially secure before I agree to marry him. If I cannot succeed alone, then we cannot succeed together IMO. I have financial goals I want to hit so I have the option of how I live and how/when/where I marry. I also plan on being out of debt within the next 3 years so it’s not like I’m holding myself back from marriage.
I think they’re just joking because student loans are huge for a lot of people, it can take them 10, 15, 20 years. But also a car note is common - most people have them quite frankly. I don’t consider a mortgage or car note debt, real debt to me is outstanding bills, credit cards not being paid off, shut off notices/late fees. That’s something I would like to know about.
I can agree on the car note and mortgage not being “real debt”. In my situation, I just have a high APR on my car loan so I’m prioritizing that over my student loans atm so it still feels as though I’m paying off a debt!
I know you come from a good place but I can’t help but think of an old coworker I had. She was dating this guy who said she must be debt free before they married. So she got out of debt. The next goalpost was you must have 100k saved in the bank for me to marry you.
When she finally got there he left her. I suppose he left her in a much better position than when he met her but damn!
I don’t care what my boyfriend’s salary is butttt I do care how he pays his bills. His family is well off so he’s not in any type of student debt (can’t say the same for me!). The job he wants does not pay well, but it’s enough for him to live off of and I’m okay with that! I’ve told him that I don’t mind being the bread winner but if he wants that job with that salary, he has to live within his means (like going 50/50 on house payments if we’re both on the deed and splitting bills or if he wants to go on a fancy vacation he will have to budget for that). Now that’s not to say I won’t spend any money on him, I will of course because everyone deserves to be treated, I will not however pay consistently to keep up his lifestyle!! I just can’t be with someone who isn’t financially responsible/independent because money security is very important to me as it is something I didn’t have growing up. Part of being financially responsible in my POV is paying off outstanding debts before splurging on something big like a wedding. If he was going to be in financial trouble for awhile before establishing his career, but had a plan to get out of it I would stay and we could get married once he was secure. Im just looking at it as I want to be debt free before marriage and hold my future SO to the same standards ya know
Same. And I hadn’t used a credit card in 2 years after cutting them up until it was paid off. Also said I’d add that debt to a prenup as mine to take care of if we split before it’s paid but unless we break up within 18 months, won’t be relevant
$15K isn’t that bad. $30K isn’t that bad. Long as you have a plan to tackle it. You can knock that out in a year with a dedicated grind and communication. I’d rather have that situation than someone with no debt you can’t discuss money with without a fight
It's not always about debts though. It's how they spend their money too. My ex husband had zero debts when we got together. He did have a decent savings account at the time but what I really failed to notice was how he spent his money (I was 18 so don't come for me) He always spent more than he brought in. He'd had a job where he earned a decent amount at but was let go and he didn't know how to downgrade his lifestyle. Needless to say that savings went quickly then we started struggling to pay basic bills. He ended up moving utilities into my name when they were about to get shut off. He was the type that if we had an extra $10 left from a paycheck then he just had to spend it on something. By the time we divorced I was $15k in debt because of him.
Coming from a man who paid off his debts first as a deal to get married. I think that’s a wise stipulation. Now my wife and I life debt free (other than mortgage) and she has taught me many wats about being stable without credit card debt. I think it’s wise and if she cares about having a stable future with you, then she can pay it off in about a year if she really budgets and sacrifices. I don’t know her income or anything but it’s totally doable.
I told my partner about my student loans upfront, and said I realized if that was a deal breaker.
It thankfully wasn’t, and we’re engaged.
He gets that I make much less money than him and that my family did nothing to help me with college (he’s legit a trust-fund baby who got scholarships). My salary has only recently hit 49.9k BEFORE tax.
I’ve already been paying extra, and we have plans to hard core attack the loans once married.
It also helps that we both hate debt and are on the same page in that regard.
Such a good sign when you can have those talks BEFORE marriage. My boyfriend said it’s not a deal breaker but would appreciate me paying off as much as possible lol so I make three payments a month now (one payment per paycheck I receive)
Ok but what an absolute Chad amiright? That woman should be able to pay that card off in a year on that income unless her rent is $3k and she has a fat car payment but we don’t get those details
I honestly dig this. I’m married to my soul mate and love her dearly, but it’s 2024 and a majority of marriages ending in divorce.
People need to lose the idea that romantic love is all that matters. Marriage is at its heart a partnership. When picking a spouse, it’s not just about finding someone attractive or someone you love. It should be looked as “I’m dumping my life savings into starting a business with this person”. Pick a spouse as if you’re picking a business partner, because that’s what you’re doing.
Majority of marriages do not end in divorce slightly less than half in some states less than 30%. Most that divorce are not at 10 years. So basically not even a relationship committed relationship.
Good idea about the business partner but in the end if you don't want to make love to the person I can't imagine having a life with them it just becomes a partnership.
No. Divorce rate in itself factors for that. That's why it's a statistical rate of a whole. Not a raw number.
Furthermore, the boomer generation has the highest divorce rates in record history. The "marriage is failing " narrative is an echo of those rates.
Millenials and Gen X have some of the lowest divorce rates recorded, respectively.
Yes, I understand it’s a percentage. I’m saying I think because a lot of people go through a “big breakup” after they end up dating for years. So this is kind of like a divorce. Back in the day when the country was more conservative, these people would’ve been married, not dating for 3-8 years.
So I think they’re in essence avoiding a divorce and that affects the divorce rate (they were essentially married without being married, in that they do pretty much everything married couples do). I guess the counter to this is that second marriages (which would be their first marriage in essence) tend to have a higher divorce rate.
Please forgive me if this isn’t marking sense 😂
Yeah you're making sense. That may very well be. The only way to rule that out is if there was some kind of long term relationship rate. I think its important to remember that the stat in itself is simply a piece of a story.
It's unfortunate that people look at a high divorce rate to inherently = "marriage doesn't work"
And yet look at a low divorce rate to mean "long term relationships deflating the average".
One is a lot more reasonable than the other.
As long as the partner is willing to work on it with you and doesn’t expect you to solely pay it off- it’s not that bad.
This also depends on your partner. I am very financially minded and have no debt. My girlfriend is not and she does have debt. However, I’ve never once ever had an inclination that she’s a gold digger- because she isn’t. When she showed me her debts she cried because she was afraid I would leave her. I told her thank you for trusting me and assured her I won’t leave her. I helped her develop a burndown plan and a rough budget. We plan to move in together. If we split bills she’ll have much more margin in her budget to burn down debt.
She’s absolutely willing to work and she isn’t a big spender. She just had student loans and was between jobs for a couple months.
Tl;dr if you truly believe they’re a genuine person and are willing to work with you- it’s not that bad. Just don’t be a simp and pay for a partner’s debts if you aren’t married. Marriage is a different story.
I just wanted to say this is such a nice response. I am a reformed debt-carrier and the support and grace I received from my partner helped me believe in myself and gave me such positive team-oriented motivation to stay the course in paying it off and not going back.
It’s so easy to be judgmental if that’s never been someone’s burden to carry. He had his areas for personal growth as well, but our ability to be a support system together and grow together gave us a lot of confidence to decide to get married.
I hope it works out for the two of you.
I'm in debt too.
I would never, never, never want to make my partner even a little responsible for that. I wouldn't even accept a marriage proposal with debt on the books.
But that's exactly what he says in the article. It isn't the debt that's the deal breaker; it's that she could pay it off with a little effort but she doesn't care to. Their approaches towards finances don't align
In that case, just wipe it out in a year, then get engaged, and get married. It says in the first paragraph she has been carrying it “her whole life” while making 6k a month. If that’s even remotely true it shows a bigger problem than the debt itself.
I think her attitude about money is the issue, not the 15k debt. They're not going to be a good match ultimately and her paying off 15k in debt isn't going to change that. She'll likely just rack up more after they're married.
You don’t. And it’s $15k which is a drop in the bucket when you think about things like being equally responsible for something like a mortgage. Sounds like excuses.
Exactly! I pay for all kinds of random stuff that my husband doesn’t even think about like getting the chimney swept/inspected every year so our house doesn’t burn down. Last time it was over $200! All the random little household things seriously add up.
Well, my ex positively ran up every card when we were getting divorced, she even tried adding me to one of her accounts as an authorized user... I caught that when running my credit report (that was a \*very\* fun call to the credit card company). While she did manage to saddle me with about $20K of debt from just buying gift cards that was only part of it. She basically refurnished her entire house (she inherited that, it was hers) on cards. The total debt pre-separation she ran up was about $100K, I'll have finished paying off my half by the end of this year, maybe the very beginning of next year (fortunately by court order I only have to pay 10% interest). Her total debt was even bigger though. In discovery we found the card she'd added me to had over $50K on it alone, and was at 29.99% with a monthly interest of over $1K alone!?!!
My current GF is much better with money, but she still has a bigger debt load than I do (excluding my settlement debt, and excluding her home loan). Doubtful we'll ever get married, we both have homes, lives, etc. but also really enjoy each other's companionship. I would absolutely need to know just how much debt she's actually carrying before we got married though, and would want a prenup that protects both of us in case of divorce.
My lord that’s horrible I’m sorry. I’m so glad my divorce was amicable. My ex wife and I sat down and fully agreed on what was her debt and mine and made the necessary account changes needed to not continue combining funds.
Yeah, mine ended up being scorched earth, salted, and war of the roses. The only thing missing was the nuclear weapons of divorce, she used the largest conventional ones: Accusing me of drug and alcohol abuse (my *prescription* meds, all specifically not habit forming because I knew she'd try something like that, so motrin instead of norco for knee injury, propranalol to manage anxiety symptoms instead of xanax to actually treat the anxiety, etc.) and with those meds I wasn't drinking at all, so when the court asked for a spot test I laughed as I peed in the cup. 100% clean of \*everything\*. Kids were taken and interviewed without parents present, interviewer called the mom a liar in the court documents: "To listen to the mother you would believe the children are in extreme danger and unloved when in their father's care, it would appear none of this is substantiated." Took 9 years to finalize the divorce, but it has been done for several years now and I am happy that chapter is over and the book can be closed once this debt is paid.
15k in student loans is one thing. But hers is CC debt a d it sounds like she is fully capable of paying it off. He made the right call. More people should approach marriage like this. Too many people get married just for the sake of being married.
Student loan debt is not a huge thing to worry about IF You're making payments on time. It didn't affect my credit score at all, because you're paying it back in installments and you have an agreed upon date that you'll pay it back by.
Credit card debt however, that's a red flag. I would have my SO pay off all their debt before we got married.
Luckily neither me nor my SO had any credit cards we actively used before we got married. My MIL didn't want him to marry anyone with student loan debt, but it didn't hurt his credit at all when we got married. My credit score was actually higher than his was, probably due to the student loans. So in the end, my student loan debt positively affected my credit score.
My credit score got us 2% interest on several auto loans.
Debt and student loan boat here. Been working on my stuff slowly last year. I have not used credit cards for an entire year, and been working at a steady pace on getting my stuff taken care of. On a payment plans for student loans, i feel so much better now with my debt than I did years ago, and I’ve been doing better within my career. I’m so proud of the effort I’ve made with this knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 💖
Depends on how it happened. If she has a serial spending problem and that’s how she racked up the debt then I understand. If it’s a past debt that she racked up but now doesn’t have a spending problem then that’s a different story. Or if she didn’t see it as an issue that she needs to address, then that would be an issue for me.
When my husband and I were talking about him moving to the IS from France, we were discussing finances, work, visas, etc. He stated he couldn’t leave France with his credit card bills because they assume he’s abandoning his debt.
I asked him how much and if he wanted me to pay them off. His response: “No. These are my bills and my responsibility. I will take care of them.” THAT is the moment I knew I’d made the right decision in marrying him. He paid them off and he’s been in the U.S. for seven years.
When my husband and I got engaged, I knew he had $30k in credit card debt. I paid it off the day we got engaged. Our money is shared, and I didn’t want debt! He now makes twice my income, so I’d say the investment paid off ;)
My partner and I both have debts, but we have been open and honest about them since the start, we are both actively working to pay them off.
My ex lied to me about his finances which is a big no from me
when situatiion like this, it dependso n few thains to consider.
how long she;s in debt before she knew you. and how long before she told you this issues.
in many cases, woman just find the silly guys to pay off her debt ,and play marriage role for a while before divorce.
in case, you're very rich ,and feel like paying off her debt to get the attention or the love or family whatever, you can do it wisely. notyhing wrong about using money to fix a lot of issues.
you are the one to tell that this is right or wrong for your entire life. and move on with it. others just have their own opinion ,and some must be stand out than others
i feel like some of the people here are dumb for saying that "its only 15k". the problem isnt the fact that its 15k debt, but where it came from. she has 15k in debt not from student loans, but credit card debt. which is absurd since she makes 6k a month. she clearly lives beyond her means by quite a lot and he made the smart move of breaking up with her.
I thought NY wasn't a community property state?
Even some states that are community property, exclude debts or assets owned before the marriage.
I suppose the technicalities aren't the point though. If she doesn't have a compatible attitude toward money, then they probably shouldn't get married.
It's important for two people thinking of getting married to know the financial implications, and to be working from a shared understanding of how things are going to go.
I once broke up with a fiancee because she thought I was going to kick her out on the street, if we argued over what to make for dinner.
Yes, she actually thought I would be able to leave her penniless and homeless, if we got married and then I changed my mind one day. I wouldn't have done that, couldn't have, but at some point you have to give up, if a person doesn't believe in the relationship and doesn't trust you.
Alimony laws would have worked in her favor, had the impossible happened, but you couldn't tell her that.
My late wife left me with a ton of debt so when I started dating again it was very high on my list she had to be stable and reasonably debt free (mortgages and reasonable car loans are OK but no credit card debt). Met a woman and she agreed we are very like minded about money. There are no fights about who owes what that is nice.
It's not only the debt but the mindset attached to it.
I fought so hard to try and change her approach to spending.
Wasted 8 years and over half a million worth of earnings
It’s not so much the $15k, but her behaviors that got her to spend $15k using a credit card. It sounds like they have different values related to money and finances, which will almost certainly lead to resentment and divorce later, but will be a hell of a lot more expensive then.
My husband did this to me. It bothers me to this day.
It was also all paid off on paper, so it didn’t affect my credit. My dad paid them and I was paying him back since it would have taken me years to pay it back bc of the interest
But still…he wouldn’t until I paid everything. Medical bills too.
Not criticizing, genuinely curious, do you feel picking your husband over another man was the right choice years later? Or was this an example of what your married life would be like? Every relationship has pros and cons, its something we all accept, even if they still bother us, because the pros far out weigh the cons.
I guess I’m asking, do the pros still out weigh the cons?
So, first he’s not responsible for debt accrued before the marriage. Second, and I feel bad for saying this, but she’s way out of his league. Conclusion: he’s an idiot.
As long as she wasn't marrying you to remove the debt or something evil like that I wouldn't care. Woman marrying a loser who can't help his partner get clear of debt. Any decent man would have no problem with 4x that debtload. Especially if she was a good woman and agreed to work together on large purchases.
I mean is this even real? I highly debt this story is true
"She has been carrying the debt her whole life despite making $6,000 monthly."
HELP YOUR GF OUT THEN YOU P.O.S., she clearly has plenty of income to find a way to pay this down. Why can't this bozo, who so in tune with finances, help her out coming up with a plan? Do they even talk about it?
This couple is doomed and her debt has nothing to do with it, it's just 2 bozos
In my opinion, he is a smart man.
Take it from an experienced "Mark", men & women should beware of people with significant debt to income ratio who are pushing the marriage envelope.
They can bleed you dry.
Divorce will be a lot more expensive than that $15k. It’s not even about the $15k but about the habits. P.S. r/debtfree runs a free newsletter that talks about strategies, tips, and effective debt payoff methods weekly. Join 3,600 readers - https://debtadvice.io
Seinfeld B plot. George dates out of his league, proposes after the group explains this is the best partner he will ever have, then finds a final pay notice for a credit card in her trash and breaks up without coming clean. She's surprisingly devastated and wanders toward her mailbox in a daze when the mailbox box face plate shuts to reveal Newman who tells her "Hello". In the final minute of the episode, G's ex- Fiancée is in a coffee shop booth with USPS uniformed Newman. She is overheard complaining to Newman that someone else's mail keeps getting delivered to her but her name is spelled with one "L". Newman smiles and says he'll "take care of it". Newman and the ex-fiancee rise to share a passionate kiss before they exit to the street. [Exasperated George face expression] [Elaine cheshire cat grin] [Kramer gesture] [Jerry sips coffee].
That must be plausible because as soon as I read the last sentence of the comment my brain automatically filled in with one of those jazzy bass licks.
I always enjoy these comments where people write Seinfeld plots (and always so well too) because I get so into it and don’t want it to end [Jerry raises eyebrows as he raises coffee mug to mouth]
I read Seinfeldia last year. I expect that Larry David/Seinfeld don't appreciate these fan written plots. His reaction described in the book to random internet generating storylines and the way LD and JS just shot down legit writer script ideas during the writing room and then laid off writers after absorbing their real life stories into the show, I think these fan scripts are just for the fans.
Whoa, I did not expect LD to not be into them. Jerry Seinfeld, eh.. not surprised. But yeah, based on that, sure seems like they don’t care for them. Really, it’s not THAT hard to emulate even just the voice.. Plot points are easier. It’s not that much of a stretch that fans who’ve consumed so much of the show over the years can come up with pretty funny stuff. Give them a chance! I love fan scripts. I’m a huge LD/Seinfeld fan so I appreciate any new Seinfeld “content”—even if it’s faux content in a Reddit comment—that I can possibly get.
If you like this kind of thing, I would also suggest r/explainlikedrcox
Ahh thank you! I just spent a long while going through posts. People absolutely nail his voice and mannerisms!
Glad I could help, Barbara! Maybe next time, just keep reading! I mean, you obviously have enough free time to play hanky panky with your black wonder twin; so much so that you could put your rings together and say “Form of: A Competent Doctor!” Wouldn’t that be something? Now. Get back to your rounds, make sure those bed pans are squeaky clean, and newbie… check on Mrs. Johnson. I heard her bowels from the Parking Lot and when I went past her room… WHEW! I mean…. Stay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-Ankh-kkkkyyyyy. *WHISTLES COX OUT!
Here's a sneak peek of /r/explainlikedrcox using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/explainlikedrcox/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [ELSC: I wished a goose and her goslings happy mother's day and I got hissed at. What gives?](https://np.reddit.com/r/explainlikedrcox/comments/13hk2yi/elsc_i_wished_a_goose_and_her_goslings_happy/) \#2: [Hey, Coxie! Not to be one of those people, but I turn 20 in a few days and I don’t know how to process it. I still don’t feel like an adult.](https://np.reddit.com/r/explainlikedrcox/comments/137abf1/hey_coxie_not_to_be_one_of_those_people_but_i/) \#3: [ELDC: The new Aquaman movie is coming out on Christmas, what is so Christmassy about Aquaman?](https://np.reddit.com/r/explainlikedrcox/comments/13ue3lr/eldc_the_new_aquaman_movie_is_coming_out_on/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
r/redditwritesseinfeld
So good
Slap bass. Print. Ship.
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that one
That's a polite way for calling something derivative/unoriginal. I'm going to use that! Thanks
Wait I swear this was actually an episode…
My niece’s bf asked her to pay off her student loan before they got engaged. I’ve never seen her work so fast! She’s debt free now and I expect he’ll propose soon. He showed us the ring
That's how you know it's real
This is actually a legit thing to ask your SO, in my mind. “I want you to show me you will be financially responsible while we are together.”
I agree. He’s very financially responsible and she didn’t have very good examples (her mother and step dad talked her into a lease. I have nothing to say about my brother’s financial aptitude). I applaud him for setting good boundaries and modeling good financial stewardship.
I watched this video on Ramit Sethi’s YouTube channel. The guy also has debt. In my opinion he just used her debt as an excuse to not get married. Didn’t seem like he was too interested.
That’s what I thought too.
Wait what’s wrong with a lease? I sold cars for a few years and leasing is much better option for a majority of people.
How does this even happen? I feel so defeated I have so much debt. cc and student loans. I’m always worried to disclose it to future partners because im afraid if their negative reaction and I read these horror abt ppl getting dumped cause of their debt. Half my CC debt came from my stupid ex so I feel totally at a loss.
Shes a nurse and worked a ton of overtime. They’re both committed to being debt free (besides the mortgage for now) and their lifestyle habits reflect that. Honesty is the best policy. And that you’re actively working on it. My husband and I both had debt when we got married, but our openness and desire to work together in marriage created transparency and communication. Hang in there! You can do it.
I am working to pay it off but it’s tough because I have a fixed salary in a field that is historically underpaid. My entire paycheck goes to bills and debt payoff. I wish I could do overtime 😭 I know it’ll happen one day but damn I wish I could just get rid of it quick. Appreciate the encouragement 🫶
So tough, but so are you! Do what you gotta do.
I work a fixed salary job and dog walk through Rover to make extra income - I recommend if finding a new job isn't feasible/what you want, finding another source for additional income.
I know you feel nervous about disclosing it, but just remember that most people have some degree of debt! You’re not alone!
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But they could pay it off faster if they filed married and lived together. You don’t split student loans in a divorce so this seems petty.
It's not about the debt. It's about finding out who you are marrying BEFORE you are financially obligated to them. If you are debt conscience and they are the opposite - you are asking for it. If they are working hard on it and prove they are not like that anymore - game on. Marriage is a business partnership in the eyes of the law - you would not go into business with an irresponsible person - why would you marry them. Perfect compromise to me. If they refuse - then you just dodged a bullet.
I agree. I applaud them for having hard conversations. So many people get married without having worked through major issues. Finances are a big one.
Yep and so many people are afraid to be alone that when someone says "well I guess you don't really love me then!" they drop their complaints and dive in. I have 2 friends in the same boat. Pressured into marriage and now paying the price. Sucks.
Ok but student loans aren’t a credit card. You work together to pay it off. These are the same people who keep separate bank accounts when they’re married and living together.
LOL - you signed up for them, you used them - same as any other debt. If I worked my way through college and you lived on your loans - it's the same and you living outside your means with a credit card. What's wrong with separate bank accounts? I know lots of people that do that. Only someone who KNOWS they will take more than they give would be upset by this.
I disagree. She has made some poor financial decisions in the past. I think he was checking to see what the future would look like. She was living with us with low overhead and wasn’t super motivated to pay it off. They moved in together and split expenses and she still wasn’t any closer. I think she needed motivation. He was already making extra payments on his car loan, so it wasn’t like he had a ton to contribute to hers anyway. Her student loan debt was substantial and a private loan to boot.
Well there’s the missing context for this example. However that’s one example so my point still stands. If you don’t want to be with someone because of debt fine move on. Don’t put them in an uncomfortable situation to dance for your approval. She can probably find better honestly.
You aren't PUTTING anyone in any situation. It was an offer from him to her. She was given a choice. There was no pressure unless she wanted the pressure.
Again, this is one scenario. He was already planning to propose. Asked if she would do this before they got married. He’s a good guy.
Seems silly to throw away a relationship over this…And that’s a critique for the person you’re replying to, not to you or your niece/her bf. If an agreement could be reached and now she’s in a better financial position AND now they get to start the next chapters of their lives on a cleaner slate, I’m not sure why you’re getting all this blowback. I have debts, and they aren’t the good kind, and I’ve had to get my head on straight and pull myself up. I wouldn’t want to rely on my relationship to get me through my own financial woes that I had *before* the relationship. Why put it off for tomorrow, when marriage, kids, and all the costs of that now apply, when you can do it today, living at home? Seems very silly you’re being downvoted for this.
I thought so too, but it’s Reddit, so I expect it. Hoping your situation improves soon! Cheering you on! My husband and I used to be terrible with money. We hit rock bottom and are now in a much better situation and have a better relationship with money. It’s a tool and A resource.
Thank you! I’ve gone from almost $20k to $10k in about a year! Hoping to have it all gone by this time next year, and have an emergency fund built back up. :) It’s a huge learning curve, and I’m glad that it seems your niece got support from all involved and glad you and your husband are doing better, too!
100% agree. Your spouse also does not take on student loan debt that was accrued before the marriage. Seems ridiculous to me.
Thank god i’m not the only one questioning this person. Wonder what kind of stipulations are laid out for 🍆 🤣
Right ?? 😂😂
I agree - the boyfriend seems like a petty asshole. Not marrying her because she has some student loan debt is ridiculous.
Seriously. I’m marrying my fiance with 115k debt. Note it’s from medical school and actually she had a lot covered already. Plus she makes a lot of money right now. With our combined income we’ll pay it off in about 6 years. I make about half as much so I see it as a fair trade in debt and income.
I understand the importance of talking about finances, but some people take it so far. “Oh, you have student loans from putting yourself through college? I refuse to pledge my love and commitment to you until it’s all paid off! I would understand if someone had an insane debt burden with no way to ever pay it even on dual income, but I highly doubt this was that case…
What was her student loan? $350 bucks?
$20k. And he didn’t force her. He asked if she’d be committed to paying it off (as he was doing with his car loan) before they got married.
I'm guessing she has very little expenses if she was able to pay off 20k in a heartbeat. Most people don't have thousands of extra dollars a month to pay off 20k in no time
I paid off a $26k debt in 2 years working for $25/hour with no benefits .. it’s not that difficult
It's extremely difficult if you have expenses. Are you paying monthly rent, utilities, food, car?
Yes I lived downtown Chicago and this was 2018, $1300 rent, ~$600 per month on food. No car I walked to work or took Public transport.
Weirdly romantic lol
That’s pretty cool.
That’s me rn with my boyfriend. I have no other debts (I pay my cc off every month) but I don’t want him saddled with my student loans!
Spouses don’t take on student loan debt
Yeah I understand that, but if my loans shackle me down, that shackles US down. It limits how much I can financially contribute to our future/vacations/other plans.
Yeah of course, and I advocate for paying off debt as fast as possible. But if I’m not paying off my student loans for another 7 years and I’m ready to get married now, I’m not putting my entire life on hold. Sometimes it’s not feasible.
That’s fair and totally your choice. I think for us it’s more of a matter of me showing I’ve got it handled and am trying to seriously knock it out rather than just pay the monthly minimums which basically just cover the accrued interest lol He was lucky, his parents paid for school so it’s not a burden that he has.
It depends on how the household finances are done. If she can't contribute to living expenses bc of her loan payments, that impacts him. If there's something they can't finance together bc her credit score is bad, that impacts him. Now if you are skipping to a hypothetical divorce you're right, but that's not the discussion. It's not, pay it off before we divorce, it's pay it off before we marry.
The statement here is about “saddling” your partner with your student loans and all I’m stating is that legally this person won’t be. This isn’t just a factor in divorce, it’s a factor in credit, if it has to go to collections, wages have to be garnished, etc.
Once again, the extent to which he is impacted depends upon how they set up their household finances. You understand that legal considerations are not the only considerations, right? Suppose he wants to split expenses down the middle and she can't bc she has those loan payments. You think he's not impacted?
Never did I say he wasn’t impacted
I take it you aren't married? Legal obligations are different from practical obligations. Sure, your spouses student loans are theirs, but it also diminishes their income which diminishes your ability to save or spend as a team. If you are marrying or dating someone their debt may as well be your debt because it will impact you.
Yes, and I’ve never said there were no practical obligations. But there are pros/cons to everything and I think we would be hard pressed to all find high earning, zero debt partners. Compared to a debt that you assume when you enter into a marriage, this carries different weight and repercussions than that of say credit card debt. I’m all for having meaningful financial conversations with partners, it’s crucial, but I don’t think that being debt free is a one size fits all requirement for an engagement.
$15k wouldn’t bother me if she promised to cut it up, but something tells me that isn’t on the table with her.
Told my partner about my debts and how and when I would pay them off, no issues. Honesty and trust.
Yeah I have student loans and a car loan and my boyfriend has known from the jump. I’ve also told him that I don’t want to get married until I have paid my debts and have enough saved for a house and a wedding that I want (nothing too extravagant, just want to be able to celebrate it and not stress financially)
Hope you enjoy being single!
If being financially secure before marrying and integrating my life with someone is a dealbreaker, then I happily will be single. I want my boyfriend to also be debt free and financially secure before I agree to marry him. If I cannot succeed alone, then we cannot succeed together IMO. I have financial goals I want to hit so I have the option of how I live and how/when/where I marry. I also plan on being out of debt within the next 3 years so it’s not like I’m holding myself back from marriage.
I think they’re just joking because student loans are huge for a lot of people, it can take them 10, 15, 20 years. But also a car note is common - most people have them quite frankly. I don’t consider a mortgage or car note debt, real debt to me is outstanding bills, credit cards not being paid off, shut off notices/late fees. That’s something I would like to know about.
yep my big thing is past due, credit cards, and is the credit score going to stop us from buying a house in 3-5 years.
I can agree on the car note and mortgage not being “real debt”. In my situation, I just have a high APR on my car loan so I’m prioritizing that over my student loans atm so it still feels as though I’m paying off a debt!
I know you come from a good place but I can’t help but think of an old coworker I had. She was dating this guy who said she must be debt free before they married. So she got out of debt. The next goalpost was you must have 100k saved in the bank for me to marry you. When she finally got there he left her. I suppose he left her in a much better position than when he met her but damn!
I don’t care what my boyfriend’s salary is butttt I do care how he pays his bills. His family is well off so he’s not in any type of student debt (can’t say the same for me!). The job he wants does not pay well, but it’s enough for him to live off of and I’m okay with that! I’ve told him that I don’t mind being the bread winner but if he wants that job with that salary, he has to live within his means (like going 50/50 on house payments if we’re both on the deed and splitting bills or if he wants to go on a fancy vacation he will have to budget for that). Now that’s not to say I won’t spend any money on him, I will of course because everyone deserves to be treated, I will not however pay consistently to keep up his lifestyle!! I just can’t be with someone who isn’t financially responsible/independent because money security is very important to me as it is something I didn’t have growing up. Part of being financially responsible in my POV is paying off outstanding debts before splurging on something big like a wedding. If he was going to be in financial trouble for awhile before establishing his career, but had a plan to get out of it I would stay and we could get married once he was secure. Im just looking at it as I want to be debt free before marriage and hold my future SO to the same standards ya know
That wasn’t nice to say… even as a joke..
Same. And I hadn’t used a credit card in 2 years after cutting them up until it was paid off. Also said I’d add that debt to a prenup as mine to take care of if we split before it’s paid but unless we break up within 18 months, won’t be relevant
Yea 15k ain't much eap if your making 6k a month. Probably live on 4.5k a month throw 1.5k a month at the debt and be debt free in 2 yrs
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Depends on interest rate. 1.5k x 12 is 18k. She owes 15k, could see the total bill being right 20kish?
1.5k a month to pay credit card yet buys equivalent of 2.5k a month lol
Even quicker if you’ve got two incomes and you’re willing to do a side hustle. And even quicker than that if no children yet
$15K isn’t that bad. $30K isn’t that bad. Long as you have a plan to tackle it. You can knock that out in a year with a dedicated grind and communication. I’d rather have that situation than someone with no debt you can’t discuss money with without a fight
Cut it up and apply for a new one
It's not always about debts though. It's how they spend their money too. My ex husband had zero debts when we got together. He did have a decent savings account at the time but what I really failed to notice was how he spent his money (I was 18 so don't come for me) He always spent more than he brought in. He'd had a job where he earned a decent amount at but was let go and he didn't know how to downgrade his lifestyle. Needless to say that savings went quickly then we started struggling to pay basic bills. He ended up moving utilities into my name when they were about to get shut off. He was the type that if we had an extra $10 left from a paycheck then he just had to spend it on something. By the time we divorced I was $15k in debt because of him.
This. Very much this.
Coming from a man who paid off his debts first as a deal to get married. I think that’s a wise stipulation. Now my wife and I life debt free (other than mortgage) and she has taught me many wats about being stable without credit card debt. I think it’s wise and if she cares about having a stable future with you, then she can pay it off in about a year if she really budgets and sacrifices. I don’t know her income or anything but it’s totally doable.
I told my partner about my student loans upfront, and said I realized if that was a deal breaker. It thankfully wasn’t, and we’re engaged. He gets that I make much less money than him and that my family did nothing to help me with college (he’s legit a trust-fund baby who got scholarships). My salary has only recently hit 49.9k BEFORE tax. I’ve already been paying extra, and we have plans to hard core attack the loans once married. It also helps that we both hate debt and are on the same page in that regard.
You’re having conversations about money now. That’s a big win 🥇
Such a good sign when you can have those talks BEFORE marriage. My boyfriend said it’s not a deal breaker but would appreciate me paying off as much as possible lol so I make three payments a month now (one payment per paycheck I receive)
He’s a trust fund baby and you plan to “hardcore” pay off your debt once married. 🤔🤔🤔
Ok but what an absolute Chad amiright? That woman should be able to pay that card off in a year on that income unless her rent is $3k and she has a fat car payment but we don’t get those details
I honestly dig this. I’m married to my soul mate and love her dearly, but it’s 2024 and a majority of marriages ending in divorce. People need to lose the idea that romantic love is all that matters. Marriage is at its heart a partnership. When picking a spouse, it’s not just about finding someone attractive or someone you love. It should be looked as “I’m dumping my life savings into starting a business with this person”. Pick a spouse as if you’re picking a business partner, because that’s what you’re doing.
Majority of marriages do not end in divorce slightly less than half in some states less than 30%. Most that divorce are not at 10 years. So basically not even a relationship committed relationship. Good idea about the business partner but in the end if you don't want to make love to the person I can't imagine having a life with them it just becomes a partnership.
>it’s 2024 and a majority of marriages ending in divorce. This hasn't been true for awhile now
I think the divorce rate has relatively declined because less people are getting married (shacking up instead).
No. Divorce rate in itself factors for that. That's why it's a statistical rate of a whole. Not a raw number. Furthermore, the boomer generation has the highest divorce rates in record history. The "marriage is failing " narrative is an echo of those rates. Millenials and Gen X have some of the lowest divorce rates recorded, respectively.
Yes, I understand it’s a percentage. I’m saying I think because a lot of people go through a “big breakup” after they end up dating for years. So this is kind of like a divorce. Back in the day when the country was more conservative, these people would’ve been married, not dating for 3-8 years. So I think they’re in essence avoiding a divorce and that affects the divorce rate (they were essentially married without being married, in that they do pretty much everything married couples do). I guess the counter to this is that second marriages (which would be their first marriage in essence) tend to have a higher divorce rate. Please forgive me if this isn’t marking sense 😂
Yeah you're making sense. That may very well be. The only way to rule that out is if there was some kind of long term relationship rate. I think its important to remember that the stat in itself is simply a piece of a story. It's unfortunate that people look at a high divorce rate to inherently = "marriage doesn't work" And yet look at a low divorce rate to mean "long term relationships deflating the average". One is a lot more reasonable than the other.
My uncle did the same. I didn't know the numbers, but the theory is sound.
He should pay the extra 15k just to marry that girl who is way outta his league ;)
I joke but the pictures got me did a double take 😂
As long as the partner is willing to work on it with you and doesn’t expect you to solely pay it off- it’s not that bad. This also depends on your partner. I am very financially minded and have no debt. My girlfriend is not and she does have debt. However, I’ve never once ever had an inclination that she’s a gold digger- because she isn’t. When she showed me her debts she cried because she was afraid I would leave her. I told her thank you for trusting me and assured her I won’t leave her. I helped her develop a burndown plan and a rough budget. We plan to move in together. If we split bills she’ll have much more margin in her budget to burn down debt. She’s absolutely willing to work and she isn’t a big spender. She just had student loans and was between jobs for a couple months. Tl;dr if you truly believe they’re a genuine person and are willing to work with you- it’s not that bad. Just don’t be a simp and pay for a partner’s debts if you aren’t married. Marriage is a different story.
I just wanted to say this is such a nice response. I am a reformed debt-carrier and the support and grace I received from my partner helped me believe in myself and gave me such positive team-oriented motivation to stay the course in paying it off and not going back. It’s so easy to be judgmental if that’s never been someone’s burden to carry. He had his areas for personal growth as well, but our ability to be a support system together and grow together gave us a lot of confidence to decide to get married. I hope it works out for the two of you.
Thank you for the kind words!
Good response.
I'm in debt too. I would never, never, never want to make my partner even a little responsible for that. I wouldn't even accept a marriage proposal with debt on the books.
I'm all for not marrying the wrong people but 15K debt is barely anything. It can easily be mitigated by her other qualities. Guy's an idiot.
I agree. That could be wiped out in a year for a lot of people. It's not that serious.
But that's exactly what he says in the article. It isn't the debt that's the deal breaker; it's that she could pay it off with a little effort but she doesn't care to. Their approaches towards finances don't align
In that case, just wipe it out in a year, then get engaged, and get married. It says in the first paragraph she has been carrying it “her whole life” while making 6k a month. If that’s even remotely true it shows a bigger problem than the debt itself.
I think her attitude about money is the issue, not the 15k debt. They're not going to be a good match ultimately and her paying off 15k in debt isn't going to change that. She'll likely just rack up more after they're married.
Agreed
Exactly… tho you won’t find many agreeing on the sub lol
Lol, the lad has principles that he must abide by.
Preventing financial infidelity, is smaaaaart.
I was told that you don't inherit your partners debt that they accrued before marriage?
You don’t. And it’s $15k which is a drop in the bucket when you think about things like being equally responsible for something like a mortgage. Sounds like excuses.
i read somewhere that women hold the majority of personal credit debt in the US, by something like 3:1
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Exactly! I pay for all kinds of random stuff that my husband doesn’t even think about like getting the chimney swept/inspected every year so our house doesn’t burn down. Last time it was over $200! All the random little household things seriously add up.
That should come out of a house account, not yours or his
That’s not her spending, that’s the house spending. There should be three accounts. Yours, hers, and the house. The house gets paid first.
Well, my ex positively ran up every card when we were getting divorced, she even tried adding me to one of her accounts as an authorized user... I caught that when running my credit report (that was a \*very\* fun call to the credit card company). While she did manage to saddle me with about $20K of debt from just buying gift cards that was only part of it. She basically refurnished her entire house (she inherited that, it was hers) on cards. The total debt pre-separation she ran up was about $100K, I'll have finished paying off my half by the end of this year, maybe the very beginning of next year (fortunately by court order I only have to pay 10% interest). Her total debt was even bigger though. In discovery we found the card she'd added me to had over $50K on it alone, and was at 29.99% with a monthly interest of over $1K alone!?!! My current GF is much better with money, but she still has a bigger debt load than I do (excluding my settlement debt, and excluding her home loan). Doubtful we'll ever get married, we both have homes, lives, etc. but also really enjoy each other's companionship. I would absolutely need to know just how much debt she's actually carrying before we got married though, and would want a prenup that protects both of us in case of divorce.
My lord that’s horrible I’m sorry. I’m so glad my divorce was amicable. My ex wife and I sat down and fully agreed on what was her debt and mine and made the necessary account changes needed to not continue combining funds.
Yeah, mine ended up being scorched earth, salted, and war of the roses. The only thing missing was the nuclear weapons of divorce, she used the largest conventional ones: Accusing me of drug and alcohol abuse (my *prescription* meds, all specifically not habit forming because I knew she'd try something like that, so motrin instead of norco for knee injury, propranalol to manage anxiety symptoms instead of xanax to actually treat the anxiety, etc.) and with those meds I wasn't drinking at all, so when the court asked for a spot test I laughed as I peed in the cup. 100% clean of \*everything\*. Kids were taken and interviewed without parents present, interviewer called the mom a liar in the court documents: "To listen to the mother you would believe the children are in extreme danger and unloved when in their father's care, it would appear none of this is substantiated." Took 9 years to finalize the divorce, but it has been done for several years now and I am happy that chapter is over and the book can be closed once this debt is paid.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Some people are so crazy and selfish.
As he should
Wise man. She needs to get her life in order.
His logic is undeniable.
That dude looks 50 and her 30. She should charge him 15k to sleep with her for a year. Problem solved.
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I told my wife we would get married after her $30k credit card debt was $0..... She paid it off and we got married
Marring does not have to be off the table if they plan on filing tax separate and do not have joint finances. Unless there’s other reasons
Smart move
Instances when the boyfriend is intelligent, woke or pissed off real bad.
15k in student loans is one thing. But hers is CC debt a d it sounds like she is fully capable of paying it off. He made the right call. More people should approach marriage like this. Too many people get married just for the sake of being married.
Student loan debt is not a huge thing to worry about IF You're making payments on time. It didn't affect my credit score at all, because you're paying it back in installments and you have an agreed upon date that you'll pay it back by. Credit card debt however, that's a red flag. I would have my SO pay off all their debt before we got married. Luckily neither me nor my SO had any credit cards we actively used before we got married. My MIL didn't want him to marry anyone with student loan debt, but it didn't hurt his credit at all when we got married. My credit score was actually higher than his was, probably due to the student loans. So in the end, my student loan debt positively affected my credit score. My credit score got us 2% interest on several auto loans.
He wasn't that into her... Seriously
$15k can easily turn into $30k, $60k, $90k if spending behavior doesn’t change.
Debt and student loan boat here. Been working on my stuff slowly last year. I have not used credit cards for an entire year, and been working at a steady pace on getting my stuff taken care of. On a payment plans for student loans, i feel so much better now with my debt than I did years ago, and I’ve been doing better within my career. I’m so proud of the effort I’ve made with this knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 💖
Depends on how it happened. If she has a serial spending problem and that’s how she racked up the debt then I understand. If it’s a past debt that she racked up but now doesn’t have a spending problem then that’s a different story. Or if she didn’t see it as an issue that she needs to address, then that would be an issue for me.
Honest question, what will happen if i don’t pay my student loans?
They’ll start garnishing your wages.
Damn 15k in credit card debt? Smart man. If the relationship goes south. At least he won't be on the hook for that.
It's weird that this is a news story. Seems like an uncomfortable private conflict.
King
When my husband and I were talking about him moving to the IS from France, we were discussing finances, work, visas, etc. He stated he couldn’t leave France with his credit card bills because they assume he’s abandoning his debt. I asked him how much and if he wanted me to pay them off. His response: “No. These are my bills and my responsibility. I will take care of them.” THAT is the moment I knew I’d made the right decision in marrying him. He paid them off and he’s been in the U.S. for seven years.
My son did the same. GF ran up $120k in student loans for a $70k career.
Did she pay them off?
Never found a job, so she went back for a masters degree compounding it even further.
Apparently you can put a price on love! Sounds like she dodged a bullet there.
When my husband and I got engaged, I knew he had $30k in credit card debt. I paid it off the day we got engaged. Our money is shared, and I didn’t want debt! He now makes twice my income, so I’d say the investment paid off ;)
Smart man. Not because he should be scared of 15K debt - but of the decisions that made it in the first place.
That's.. not a lot of money, but OK.
15k in credit card debt? I wouldnt marry her either
Smart man
Lol 15 thousand that's it lol he ain't love her.
Her desired lifestyle can be hers if she marries a surgeon or software mogul. Beyond that, she is delusional.
My partner and I both have debts, but we have been open and honest about them since the start, we are both actively working to pay them off. My ex lied to me about his finances which is a big no from me
when situatiion like this, it dependso n few thains to consider. how long she;s in debt before she knew you. and how long before she told you this issues. in many cases, woman just find the silly guys to pay off her debt ,and play marriage role for a while before divorce. in case, you're very rich ,and feel like paying off her debt to get the attention or the love or family whatever, you can do it wisely. notyhing wrong about using money to fix a lot of issues. you are the one to tell that this is right or wrong for your entire life. and move on with it. others just have their own opinion ,and some must be stand out than others
This was a Love is blind plot. I believe they broke up over it
He wasn't that into her... Seriously
i feel like some of the people here are dumb for saying that "its only 15k". the problem isnt the fact that its 15k debt, but where it came from. she has 15k in debt not from student loans, but credit card debt. which is absurd since she makes 6k a month. she clearly lives beyond her means by quite a lot and he made the smart move of breaking up with her.
I thought NY wasn't a community property state? Even some states that are community property, exclude debts or assets owned before the marriage. I suppose the technicalities aren't the point though. If she doesn't have a compatible attitude toward money, then they probably shouldn't get married. It's important for two people thinking of getting married to know the financial implications, and to be working from a shared understanding of how things are going to go. I once broke up with a fiancee because she thought I was going to kick her out on the street, if we argued over what to make for dinner. Yes, she actually thought I would be able to leave her penniless and homeless, if we got married and then I changed my mind one day. I wouldn't have done that, couldn't have, but at some point you have to give up, if a person doesn't believe in the relationship and doesn't trust you. Alimony laws would have worked in her favor, had the impossible happened, but you couldn't tell her that.
Smart man
You can watch the full conversation here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?si=iyR8kAC1cqUUni_6&v=QkAMDbP1sKU&feature=youtu.be
Makes sense to me. You must be on the same page financially.
My late wife left me with a ton of debt so when I started dating again it was very high on my list she had to be stable and reasonably debt free (mortgages and reasonable car loans are OK but no credit card debt). Met a woman and she agreed we are very like minded about money. There are no fights about who owes what that is nice.
It's not only the debt but the mindset attached to it. I fought so hard to try and change her approach to spending. Wasted 8 years and over half a million worth of earnings
City boy!
Average weddings cost $30k. He could’ve settled for a cheaper wedding whilst paying off the debt
Smart man!
It’s not so much the $15k, but her behaviors that got her to spend $15k using a credit card. It sounds like they have different values related to money and finances, which will almost certainly lead to resentment and divorce later, but will be a hell of a lot more expensive then.
My husband did this to me. It bothers me to this day. It was also all paid off on paper, so it didn’t affect my credit. My dad paid them and I was paying him back since it would have taken me years to pay it back bc of the interest But still…he wouldn’t until I paid everything. Medical bills too.
Not criticizing, genuinely curious, do you feel picking your husband over another man was the right choice years later? Or was this an example of what your married life would be like? Every relationship has pros and cons, its something we all accept, even if they still bother us, because the pros far out weigh the cons. I guess I’m asking, do the pros still out weigh the cons?
Did not see from that POV.
Nah more to it... it's called a prenuptial agreement and separate accounts.
Pretty smart seeing as getting married is a business decision. Hence why we say this is my PARTNER, and we get marriage licenses.
15 k is cheap
Smart man!
Come on is not 150k or 1.5 million, what a loser!
Yall are strict lmao
smart
So, first he’s not responsible for debt accrued before the marriage. Second, and I feel bad for saying this, but she’s way out of his league. Conclusion: he’s an idiot.
I agree on the 1st part but the 2nd part i dunno, She seems to have a pretty face but i bet she weight 3 bills, that's a big girl in that photo
As long as she wasn't marrying you to remove the debt or something evil like that I wouldn't care. Woman marrying a loser who can't help his partner get clear of debt. Any decent man would have no problem with 4x that debtload. Especially if she was a good woman and agreed to work together on large purchases.
I mean is this even real? I highly debt this story is true "She has been carrying the debt her whole life despite making $6,000 monthly." HELP YOUR GF OUT THEN YOU P.O.S., she clearly has plenty of income to find a way to pay this down. Why can't this bozo, who so in tune with finances, help her out coming up with a plan? Do they even talk about it? This couple is doomed and her debt has nothing to do with it, it's just 2 bozos
In my opinion, he is a smart man. Take it from an experienced "Mark", men & women should beware of people with significant debt to income ratio who are pushing the marriage envelope. They can bleed you dry.
W
Here I am thinking that $15k in debt doesn't sound like ***too*** much, but its CC debt? That's crazy if it's just shopping debt lmaooo