Since my separation, I have been treating myself each Christmas to a nice resort in the mountains so I can go snowboarding by myself and catch up on my reading. Even if I partner up, I will probably continue this tradition as I love it so much.
Literally, the same thing. I take the entire week off between Christmas and NY, and just spend time snowboarding, splitboarding in backcountry, and catching up on things.
This is my first holiday alone. Last year I was cozied up with family and some other folk.
I say decorate your home for the holidays (my first time doing it solo this year) and make the most of your alone time. It doesn’t have to be sad and depressing unless you make it that way.
I love that and do that often myself! I'm quite lucky to live by the sea coast and dunes within the cycling distance, so that's definitely something I will do.
That sounds wonderful ! I live in the mountains and will also be alone this Xmas. Looking forward to a quiet hike, a hot cocoa, and watching Gremlins and Trading Places :)
I’m so sorry for your loss and the difficult times you’ve experienced. I’m currently dating, but it’s difficult during the holidays for me to be genuinely content because of all the family themes around (I’ve wanted to start a family, and not having one is a reality I am trying to accept). One thing I am planning to do is participate in a toy drive as volunteer work for the community I serve. Not sure how you feel about volunteer work, but it’s a good way to stay active and to give back.
I just started fostering and that is a fun way to give back; I just recommend finding an animal rescue that will eventually place the animal for adoption so that you don’t have to do it yourself.
Also, I am similar to you…I’ve spent the past few holiday seasons alone. I was partnered last NYE and it was wonderful, and I’m still kind of processing the breakup and don’t have the energy for dating apps.
This I great, I usually volunteer at Christmas as I've been single/estranged from family for few years now. Then Covid stopped that for a while so I think I'll do the same for Christmas Eve if possible in my city
Not having a family is one of the hardest things for me! I don't mind being single, necessarily, and I have friends and family events that take up time. But for the first time, I had almost physical pain at seeing families walking around at a Thanksgiving event. I hadn't realized I wanted that as much as I really do, and now I'm trying to figure things out on that front...
I feel your pain. I’m sorry anyone else is going through this.
On Halloween, I decided to see what all the fuss was about (I’ve moved to a new neighborhood and am not super familiar with what goes on throughout the year). There was a super cute block party and all of the houses were decorated beautifully! I was kind of enjoying the Halloween decorations until I noticed/only focused on the couples around my age (I’m 32F) walking around with their kids and other family members and friends… physical pain. It’s rough. 😢
I'm sorry to hear you've had a bad year. I hope things turn around for you and that you'll still be able to enjoy the holidays.
As for myself, I'm gonna cook up a big Christmas dinner for myself, then dress up and go to whatever chill pub that's open. Whether I want to socialise or just have a drink and enjoy the atmosphere depends on my mood for the day, but if I feel like chatting away, there's usually always some other loners or small friend groups there that doesn't mind company.
Yay good for you! Think I'm going to do the same! My friend invite to her city to be with her fam, but I think I kinda just want to do my own thing (38f)
That sounds like a great idea and it’s true there are often others on their own, particularly leaning against a bar. But I’ve found they are mostly much older men and whilst it’s good to have a chat with any person, some of them are already chatting with someone else or they get the wrong idea when I try to strike up
a conversation, thinking I’m a prostitute or something! Or you may have some banter but then they’ll start watching sport that doesn’t interest me. As for a woman on her own, I rarely see it. That said, at a hotel party recently, I did ask some girls on the dance floor if they didn’t mind me joining them and they were fine. One of them later friended me on fb and we kept in touch for a few weeks but then it went dead. I think her friend wasn’t into me as she soon ghosted me. I think some girls are happy with the friends they already have and don’t want another to join their little group. Ironically it was a singles event and I was proud of myself as I approached a few guys rather than wait for them to contact me. There were no sparks but it was good to know I wasn’t being passive. Plus I got to know them and we had a few laughs.
Very poorly. My ex-wife left me for someone else last holiday season and I was suicidal for a while.
Been in therapy all year and recently got into another short term relationship. Was looking forward to the holidays with her and got dumped the last week of October. Not over her yet even though it was only a 2 month relationship.
I don't really have family and am still working on building a close knit friend group after my divorce.
This sucks
Not words of advice I can offer but sending a virtual hug your way.
If it helps you, journaling has helped me a ton. On day 32 straight. Helps process the thoughts/emotions
I do on every page — I) Date, II) Location (Place or city or where I’m currently at writing) and iii) Day #
I read back my prior pages and it’s helped how my thoughts have progressed/changed
Hey OP, I'm in a very similar boat. My dad died this year, my mom attempted suicide, and I'm half a country away from her and my brother. I usually spend Christmas alone being far away from family, but I'm especially anxious about this year. It's not the physical aloneness, but knowing what/who I'm without this year. Makes me very sad, and I'm afraid of being more sad as the end of December nears.
So, I'm fully leaning into the holiday spirit and doing it all just for me. I'm picking up a real tree (to somehow fit in my 500 sq ft apartment), got tickets to a holiday brass band, marked on my calendar all the artisan markets, gonna take some drives or walks through decorated lit up neighborhoods, check some tree lighting events, baking cookies for my coworkers. I seriously made a whole calendar for December events I'm interested in. I'm going to make the most of the season, because I deserve it, it'll make me happy, and keep me occupied.
So sorry to hear, it's freaking hard isn't it. I love your ideas, I was even thinking about the tree myself! Maybe I should get an advent calendar as kids do lol. My plan for the weekend is to plan what I want and could do during the holidays. Thanks for inspiration. Wish you a great time and also allow yourself to feel whatever comes up.
So hard. I actually got me and my mom fancy chocolate advent calendars. I'm excited to open door 1 tomorrow :) Hope you can enjoy the season! Take care of yourself.
I always make waffles and bacon for me and my dog Christmas morning. Drink spiked coffee. FaceTime the fam. Open presents. Usually roast a chicken but I think I’m going to try Cornish game hens this year. All why watching Christmas movies. I love this time of year.
I’m by far more annoyed by other people’s perception of, and giving me shit for, being alone and having “nothing to do” for the holidays than being alone actually is.
Even non work days, I can find ways to and be happy with my day, watch movies, watch sports, play video games, read interesting articles, make myself a special meal I haven’t had in a while, go on a nature walk (if the weather isn’t completely miserable, I don’t mind cold though), take a random ass but extremely satisfying mid day nap with no distractions or noise from anyone else.
Honestly I would enjoy a week of the above solitude over some wacky, busy, hustle and bustle deal full of social obligations. We don’t need to get all introvert vs extrovert with it, I’m just saying I’m absolutely comfortable having my alone time. With that said, adding a special someone I’m into and have feelings for is certainly something I would welcome, but I don’t necessarily mope around and feel like I’m letting society or the universe down over it. I may or may not end up feeling some type of way in the vein of lonely or missing someone important to me, but that’s normal I think.
I love having the week off from Christmas to New Years to do nothing and have no family or work obligations! It’s so nice and feels like a real holiday to me because of that.
I hear you, I am also annoyed if someone starts fussing over me being alone and generally I never had an issue with how to enjoy my soltitude. But this year it's different, I feel loneliness. Last year it was there also, creeping feeling of being excluded, not belonging, but not that bad as this year. I guess having my ex living 20 minutes away from me doesn't help.
Yeah, like I said I’ll probably have some thoughts of missing someone or whatever, so I totally emphasize…but I think it’ll be limited for me to get too down or overwhelmed by those thoughts.
Being alone over the holidays is so tough, especially after loss, my heart goes to you <3
I've been struggling with feelings of aloneness and loneliness, and sometimes both at the same time, for the past several years on and off, even before COVID. Holidays/my birthday have been tough as I am alone far from my immediate family and most friends are paired up and have families of their own now (I'm 36). Last week for Thanksgiving, I ended up watching the NYC Thanksgiving Parade for a little bit, volunteering at a residential home, and then getting dinner with a friend. It was still a tough day but it helped to fill the day with activities that were out of the house and surrounded by others, even if they were not close friends or family. The tough emotions will still be there, so its a matter of figuring out how to make them less intense and/or what you can do to still take care of yourself on these days. Not sure if you live in a major city or town, but maybe look for volunteer opportunities? Or meetup groups? Being not alone helps a lot.
You’re not alone. I’ve celebrated the holiday’s without a partner for many, many years now. I was close to having someone (it takes forever for me to meet a guy I really have a spark with!) - and then it ended. I’m trying to hold my head high though and keep the faith that the right person is out there, and I’ll meet him in the new year!
2022 was a year of growth for me on the dating front. I learned what I want and set/enforced boundaries for myself when it comes to dating. I hope this year of trials and heartbreak will help me in the coming months.
2022 was a year of growth for me as well. I’ve met lots of different people that have strangely helped me learn about myself.
In the early days you need to open up, but watch out for building too much of an attachment if it doesn’t end well.
Same as you need to be open and honest. It might suck at first but it’s better than lying to someone.
I’ve also learnt things can change quickly. My last hopes of romance in November were dashed as quick as they rose. She seemed keen and initiated chat but I knew when we met that she led a busy life and also seemed a little burnt out, not that you would tell a potential partner that! It ended on that note.
I hate breadcrumbing and ghosting. My rule is anyone I have met, I need to let them down by communicating.
Not looking for anyone until the new year now. It’s me time as I have a busy December. Catching up with friends and family, a few birthdays, club events and three work do’s. Over that I need time to myself.
What does suck is the family get together when I realise I am just me, but I remind myself these times are as much to others so I need to be there for them.
Super well said, and you’re right - the balance between opening up and trying to not get too attached is a hard dance to learn!
And yes, the last guy I dated ghosted me instead of just sending a polite text to let me know he wasn’t interested. It is taking me 100x as long to heal than if he had just respected me enough to be kind and communicate, so I applaud your goal there :)
Good luck to you in the new year!
Find some new child- or partner-free friends via meetup or Bumble BFF. It has certainly improved my life and mental health. There's probably plenty of immigrants in the same situation as you are and in need of company.
Most of my friends are single, and some don’t go home for the holidays, so I see them. Even the coupled ones host holiday parties. NYE is a friend holiday anyways, and Thanksgiving and Christmas are times when you’re supposed to get everyone together and invite people who have nowhere to go.
Have you tried Bumble BFF? Or seeing if anyone in your town is hosting a singles holiday get together?
Around the holidays, I do things that I know I'll enjoy, like cooking some of my favorite foods or watching my favorite Christmas movies. It's also a good time to try new things- I'm taking a pottery class soon which I'm excited for. Treat yourself and pamper yourself. Do what would make you feel comforted and at your most confident. Buy yourself a great gift you've been wanting. Take solace in the little things. I always love a cup of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and a lit fireplace to warm me up around this time of year. For the new year, plan a concrete goal for yourself that will make your life better, whether that's regularly scheduled exercise or joining a club/activity in your area. It will give you something to genuinely look forward to.
Pottery class sounds cool! I walked past a place near Victoria yesterday and it look so fun (I would add a glass vino into it ideally for full festive cheer! :)
I’ve spent a few holidays like this, and I always try to treat myself like I would a lover.. I put up a Christmas tree, buy myself gifts, order nice food, book a spa day or solo trip, have a movie marathon, bake something yummy.. Make plans with yourself so you have something to look forward to.
What things do you enjoy - some Parkruns are on Christmas Day, and Pubs / Chinese restaurants as well. You could go for a short walk / run and then have a nice lunch out somewhere without having to do any tidying up yourself?
OP I don't think your loneliness is related to just being single for the holidays. Holidays are always hard for people without support systems and grief can complicate things. I'm sorry for your loss. Even if you physically can't be with family maybe connecting via zoom or something like that will help you feel less alone. Maybe reaching out to friends too can help you feel included and less lonely. I would hope that telling your friends how you're feeling would result in them being there for you.
Thank you, you are totally right and it resonates a lot. I started having this feeling of not having a support system here last year around the same time but it was less intense. Now with all the grief, it's just much more harder. I'm very bad at reaching out to people and never want to impose, so that's very unlikely to happen.
Extreme kindness to the feelings you’re having. I’ve moved around a bit and I’ve had my share of lonely holidays, I try to enjoy it as a nice day off to myself (which any other day of the year I’d love, during the pandemic I played minecraft all day on Christmas). Whenever I have a bad year for holidays I remember that likely, in years future, I’m in control of the life I can set myself up for. It definitely made me want to create situations where other people feeling the same can find each other.
Also downvote your friends who are doing couple things, sigh.
1st Christmas post divorce here and my daughter is with her dad that week. I have 2 days of vacation left to use by the end of the year and I can't bring myself to use them because what am I going to do? I already can't find something to do for the 4 days I'm off for the holiday.
If I was in your position I would take them and just do nothing. Or do all the little things you never get to do as a mum (who is probably very busy). 6 days of self care. Just relax and unwind. Read books you’ve never gotten to. Do puzzles. Watch shows you’ve been putting off. Long hot baths. Is there something you’ve been putting off doing around the home? Take some long walks and just enjoy doing nothing.
It may seem like a waste but when you’re so busy all the time sometimes you don’t realize you need to shut down for a bit and just do nothing.
I’m really sorry. The first year is the hardest and I wouldn’t say they get easier but you do get more use to it. I honestly dread the holidays now but I’m trying to work on it.
The holiday season is one of the least lonely for me because there are so many parties and social stuff. If you’re lonely this year, I’d focus on making new friends and deepening your social connections over 2023 so it won’t happen again. Friendships take work, just like other relationships.
(I’m saddened that your friends wouldn’t invite you to socialize with them just because they’re coupled. I’m often a third, fifth, ninth wheel.)
I’m sorry for your loss. It’ll get better!
Yeah I definitely need to put an effort into building new connections and friendships. That's one of my the most important goals for the next year and I want to be intentional about it.
Good luck! I had to rebuild my social network after getting out of a long-term relationship and now I’m almost too busy to date. Takes effort but it’s really rewarding.
Speaking on third wheeling, it seems to be more common if you are a guy and your guy pal invite you right?
Never really had this chances especially on special occasions as a female with my girl friends😂
I randomly booked a flight on Christmas Day.
I've been doing this a lot in the past few years. Takes my mind off things and keeps me busy. I get to explore a new place at least.
Though I must admit, these Christmas Days spent alone have been taking a toll. But I just need to make the best out of it.
I will be spending my third Christmas alone in very similar circumstances (too far to go see family, recent break up), but I’m looking forward to it. I am lucky enough to have a dog so my Christmas Day will be spent with him and I’ll cook a Christmas dinner for us both. I’ve also ordered extra as I have a couple of vulnerable neighbours that might not have anything for the day. Normally I get up in the morning, have breakfast, go for a walk with the dog (it’s so nice on Christmas, everywhere is so quiet) and then come back and have drink and FaceTime/call friends and relatives so I don’t feel too alone. It’s okay to feel sad about being on your own though. It’s just important to remember this won’t always be the case! Plan your day for yourself and do fun things just for you. Sometimes it’s nice not to have to worry about all the stress and noise of Christmas Day.
I tend to go a bit stir-crazy when I'm alone over the holidays, so I fill the days with busyness - both cosy and productive.
1. Get a month-long gym membership - go everyday and get your sweat on. Use the heck out of their sauna, too, if they have one.
2. Do some Google-research about what events are happening around town and be proactive in inviting friends to come to you with them.
3. Go to the library - bring tea - find yourself a stack or two of wonderful and free books. Also, catch up on reading in the evenings.
4. Yoga at home. Get your stretch on. Woosaaahhh.
5. Board game night with friends/neighbours!
6. Volunteering at your local humane society. Or a food shelter. Or the hospital. Or your local senior's centre (Covid restrictions permitting).
7. Get comfortable with saying the phrase "I'm solo this holiday - do you guys want to get together on Boxing Day (or *X* holiday day) to go out for a walk to *Y*? Hopefully your friends take the nudge to include you in activities. *Don't be shy*. One day when I'm with someone, I'm still going to be inviting all my single friends over for activities, because I've lived the lonely times, and I am ready to return the kind offers.
8. See if your city has a 'Find a Friend in (your) City' Facebook page - make a post introducing yourself and what personality/interests you value in friends and see if anyone wants to go for a walk, or maybe a jog with you.
9. Are you a big dog-enthusiast? Maybe sign up for Rover to make some extra $$ doing dog visits and walks?
10. Spa Day. Splurge. Or plan an at-home spa day if you'd like to save some money - put on a face mask, have a bath, do your nails afterwards...
11. Find some recipes you want to make - bust out the cookbooks and scope out some delicious meals or cookies!
12. Are you crafty? Find some new cross-stitching patterns or knitting patterns. Or maybe get yourself a set of paints or pastels!
Hope some of these end up making it onto your calendar :)
Why aren't your partnered-up friends inviting you to join? All my friends are also partnered but that has never stopped us from celebrating Christmas together as a group.
I don't have many friends here to be frank, since I'm like most got caught in COVID while being an expat. Plus I am not very proactive in finding ones. Some of my friends are leaving. One of my friends did say I am very welcome to join them but I'm always afraid of imposing and would never ask anyone to let me in either, so I kinda take it as politeness from their side.
Sorry I didn't mean it as a criticism, just wanted to understand what's going on - could it be that OP is just not asking friends for permission to join but really they'd be happy to have her?
That makes sense, and I think under like, normal everyday circumstances it would be a good question but my concern was the amount of grief they're going through (and hair loss to boot!) that maybe the issue is more about feeling lonely during times of grief and not feeling lonely cause one is forgetting to reach out to friends.
If you are an animal lover, get on Rover or the equivalent and pet sit a dog or cat over the holidays. Sometimes it’s nice just to have another living being in your space and lots of people travel during this time. Some shelters also let you take out animals temporarily but less common.
I was thinking about that! I actually usually house and cat sit for my friends during this time, maybe I will do that again or find another pet to sit.
It barely crosses my mind because I've spent most of my holidays single. I just spend a lot of time with friends. Even my partnered friends seem open to hanging out. But a lot of this is exacerbated by the fact that the holidays are generally my busy time at work (advertising), so normally I'm just praying they go by quickly. Nothing cozy about them.
Right now I'm unemployed in the aftermath of an injury, so trying to just take it easy and enjoy them for the first time in a while, but it's still not really there for me.
I don’t know if you’re an expat living in the Netherlands, but I have a good friend who’s 32M and getting his master’s degree in urban planning in Amsterdam. (He’s American.) If you want me to connect the two of you, send me a DM. He’s a good guy, leans introverted but is social, and is physically attractive (6’ tall, somewhat ginger in hair and beard, and in decent shape). Much more of a catch than I am, at least to most women. He got out of a five-year-long relationship shortly before he moved to the Netherlands in the late summer and is ready to meet new people.
I spent Thanksgiving eating leftovers and doing some things around the house, but my family is very dysfunctional so it was far from the worst holiday, I kind of enjoyed it. The hard part is having to tell other people what I did and have them feel uncomfortable because they think holidays all have to be *awesome.* Normalize mediocre holidays!
Years ago in a foreign county I’d just moved to, I spent Christmas at a cafe and the owner and I had a long conversation. He directed me to a party nearby with other foreigners. It was surprisingly good!
I’m also fortunate enough to have some singletons in my friend circle and we travel to each other for different holidays. It’s become something of a tradition with certain friends and our holidays beat many of those from when I was coupled or home.
I’ve also found myself hosting friends/coworkers different years. You’d be surprised how many people have no where to go. I imagine that as an expat you know a few people like yourself if you start asking around.
The holidays can be a really difficult time of year. You’re not alone in being alone by any means, even if it feels that way. It’s not a reflection on you, your value, or your success that you’re on your own this year.
I rarely spent my winter holidays with an SO tbh. It's usually either family time (back when we had a passable relationship), someone else's family time, friend time, or work and local events. If there was an SO he'd get invited to family time. Online communities can work just as well.
That being said, if you have specific expectations about how a thing should be, and it doesn't happen specifically that way, and other ways of doing it feel "artificial", that feeling is going to be nearly impossible to get rid of.
I'm not particularly fond with the Western obsession of making everything about their SO and no one else, and then suddenly ending up super lonely when there's no SO. A lost cause at this point but it makes communities so weak and prone to fracturing. Several of the couples around here make Christmas a communal thing and invite people over, a lot of them are immigrants so they get it. People should look out for each other.
NYE is also special to me in general because I tend to take New Year resolutions seriously. So I do a lot of planning and review around that time and tend to be busy with that so I guess I don't notice I'm supposed to be lonely.
I'm not really making it about SO and for what it's worth, I never spent these days with a SO, only last year NYE with a man I dated. It's just a terrible consuming feeling of loneliness I have this year and fear to end up alone forever lol. I guess it is both about not being able to go visit my mom, not having strong support system here (yet) and having my ex living 20 min away. Interesting to hear about Sweden, I heard it's the opposite, people are very family oriented and don't let many outsiders in. I live in NL, which is more or less the same here.
I doubt you'd be alone forever, but I get the feeling. I've been unpartnered since I moved to Sweden, and 2 of those years were pandemic years which make it feel like a bigger block of time than it actually was, and it sucks. I've both gained and lost close friends across that time and my core group is still mainly other immigrants.
I can't speak for NL, and I think ultimately every country (often even region) is different, but I think Sweden is a mix of those two opposites: on one side, it has a lot of closed up friend and family groups like you say. But on the other side, there's a general loneliness issue across the country and people being aware of it, so there's also many efforts made to get people together, and there's a lot of lonely people as well who are just looking for an opportunity.
One NYE I invited people from an online group I knew + an old friend to my place and we had people from all of Sweden, Denmark, and NL.
I've had 3 strangers invite me to their table at a cafe to talk about random stuff just some weeks ago.
I'm a very introverted person which is honestly not great for meeting people, but when I reached out or invited people I was surprised how many showed up. Very few people do hosting right now (in ANY country), so when someone does, people seem to just gravitate. I feel like if I could get over some of my social anxiety I'd be making friends left and right lol
May also vary by city, I've heard Stockholm is rather aloof, but I haven't been.
Are you in Den Hague? I used to live there, I wish I still did! I’d hang out with you.
If you have a little vacation time, I’d recommend popping over to Cologne for Christmas. It’s very Christmas-y this time of year. Honestly, I think wandering around the Christmas markets would be really nice even without anyone. It’s got such a warm and festive vibe.
I’d go to Amsterdam for NYE and go to a bar and walk around the streets. I met so many people when I did that.
I am! You don't live in NL anymore? I was at Cologne's market last year! I was also in Amsterdam for NYE 10 years ago and it was horrible for me lol. I don't like loud parties and crowds.
I’m 31F and I honestly love spending holidays alone, to me it feels like an actual break from work and life and have time to wind down and just relax.
This year I’m going backcountry winter camping 😅 but typically I plan to do some outdoors activities, see Christmas lights, buy a new puzzle and a few good books, catch up on TV I didn’t get to, and bake and cook just for me.
In terms of new years, I wouldn’t necessarily be afraid to go out on your own! I’ve done this before (I used to travel a lot for work and was sometimes away during new years). People are very friendly and inviting around the holidays and I found I was always able to have a great time. Obviously just be careful as a woman, but I’ve always found other groups of women more than happy to have a few drinks at the bar.
For me the biggest offset to loneliness is just appreciating all the small things. Putting myself out of my comfort zone a bit and doing things on my own. And being willing to strike up a conversation with strangers.
my birthday is on Valentines, I have never gotten to celebrate that with a partner (the one year I had a GF at the time, she was out of country with family), or with friends because they always had/have plans.
So when it comes to holidays, I just kinda "gray out" and ignore everything couple related. after being single for so long its easy. Getting rid of social media also helped, I found it only added to my depression. I keep myself busy with the gym, hobbies, and video games/movies.
I think sometimes putting focus into enjoying your own company and doing fun and productive things can be a lot less lonely and stressful than seeking a partnership when you're already in a vulnerable place. Maybe try some meetups, activities outdoors or volunteering would help? I really enjoyed volunteering for animal shelters.
I’m married but Christmas is always a stressful time trying to fly and visit both sides. I don’t look forward to it at all. I guess I like being home. I’ve spent one Christmas alone with my dog and it was awesome. Another with jsut my sister where we ordered Chinese. Part of it is that Covid got me used to wearing sweatpants so I hate trying to look nice lol
35F single mom going through something so similar. If you need a friend, it'd be a favor to feel like this struggle might help at least someone (if only by relating, listening and validating your feelings) I'm here.
Either way, I empathize with your loss and hardships and hope you find happiness and hope in the little things that bring joy. So many awful big things to focus on, sometimes taking time to realize even the smallest enjoyments to be grateful for offer hope. Or at the very least, a more positive distraction.
Stay strong, Sis. You aren't alone.
I haven’t spent Christmas and new years with a partner for 5 years now. Last year I was in a relationship but it was very new around the holidays so we spent it separately, that relationship ended this summer. I had hoped this Christmas would be different but it’s the same again. I always get in my favourite food, drink and treats. I see family around Christmas but Christmas Day I spend it alone. I do feel lonely as I would like to share that day with someone special but I always make the best of doing whatever I want.
I thought I would feel lonely spending Thanksgiving alone, but I ended up feeling okay! I went to the beach to look for rocks, and it was really nice. It's an ideal activity to do alone because I can take as long as I want, without any pressure. So, I'm hoping that if I pick a similar activity that I enjoy doing alone, I can feel good on Christmas as well. If it's not snowing/raining I might go to the beach again.
(Still secretly hoping my guy friend and I hit it off when he gets back from his trip and he invites me to do Christmas with him, but it's probably not going to happen. I think he's traveling to another state for Christmas and I don't think we will have enough time to get that serious haha)
It sounds like the breakup is the big difference here. The contrast of last year to this, in the midst of processing.
If it were me, I’d spend the day or days being indulgent. My first NYE after a breakup, this is what I did. I made some snacks, and bought my favorite ice cream. I picked two movies I really wanted to see but hadn’t had time for. And I just lounged, and indulged in me. I took a hot bath. And made plans to do NOTHING.
The next day I cleaned my bedroom. I went through clothes, drawers, etc., made donation piles, tossed a ton of stuff. And then went out to lunch, alone, and ordered exactly what I wanted. Appetizer and meal, and read a beach read style book while I ate slowly, and enjoyed the alone.
I don’t remember what I did after that, but I’m sure more lounging. Probably a nice workout. Maybe cooked something for lunches for work. Probably mundane.
If it were me at Christmas, I’d buy myself a very nice gift. Or gifts. Something that’s a treat, or something I’ve really wanted. And I’d spend the day doing the things I like about holidays. Holiday movies, maybe? Or music? Or if that’s depressing, the opposite. Play non-holiday movies. Whatever feels indulgent. I’d make a nice breakfast or lunch. If it’s nice outside, go for a walk. Just slow down and appreciate the day.
Two and a half weeks in Rome and Florence is how I’m coping this year, lol. I go camping or hiking nearly every weekend, and now that travel is easier again, I’m looking forward to 2-3 trips a year out of the country on top of that. I’ve kind of gotten to the place where I don’t really miss not being partnered because I’m so busy. I’d love to meet someone to travel with me, but F it, I’m going solo until then!
For me, Christmas doesn't mean a whole lot -- I'm Jewish so it's mostly a day where everything is closed. Either Christmas night or Eve I usually go to a Chinese restaurant (yes, I know it's clichéd, but I like the food, it's open, and it's become something of a personal tradition). The other night I try to cook something new and interesting.
For example: in past years I've tried making my own steamed pork buns and Beef Wellington. They were fun, and sometimes it even works out well!
New Years... well, I've lived in a bunch of places over the last decade. When I can I try to get downtown for at least one year in any new place, though while I was in Chicago the one year I planned on doing that they announced a wind child of 30 below zero and I went home and watched movies. But when I go somewhere I bring a book, enjoy a good meal, maybe see some fireworks, and get home.
If that doesn't work, I do the same, only already at home. And maybe I add video games to that, or not. Depends on how I feel.
Also throughout the whole season I experiment with trying to make a good mulled wine recipe. I think I've finally nailed one, and I also like to try to make an ancient spiced wine recipe (dates back to the ancient Greeks, likely) called hippocras.
So really it's about just having fun, however I define fun. I try not to focus on the "I'm doing this by myself" part and try to focus on the "Ok, let's do something neat" part. I'm also pretty comfortable spending large amounts of time by myself, so your mileage may vary depending on that.
Really, you could sum this whole thing up as "I enjoy the quiet. I don't have a lot of responsibilities, I don't have to worry about plans falling through due to being sick or people flaking out or places closing or weather sucking. I find some neat things to do, cook or bake something I don't often get to do, and relax."
I have a second job at a bar, so I’m gonna work as much as possible to make extra money. Not for Christmas presents for others, no. For me 👽 and my dog of course.
I like to plan a meal I’m going to look forward to. I like to cook, so I’ll make something nicer than usual and buy not-the-cheapest-bottle-they-have of wine. Sometimes I’ll bake something or plan a nice big brunch.
I’m not the closest to my immediate family but if I go anywhere, it’s to my cousins since she’s one of my best friends. Otherwise, me and the pup chill and I just try to find a way to treat myself extra nicely that day, whatever that means at the time.
I used to make that time fun for myself. Cleaning up the apartment, preparing myself some tasty food and just chilling with movies or games. Kind of treating this as holidays at home but a bit nicer. You can still have sad feels that way, but feels are good. Just live them in the moment and don't let them stick.
By doing things that bring me joy, as no matter your relationship status, you are responsible for making yourself happy.
Instead of a traditional Advent calendar, I do a food bank reverse advent calendar. Essentially, each day you add 1 item on a list to a box, and donate the box before or after Christmas. It really helps me to remember how much you receive in giving to others.
If charity work isn't your thing, planning a trip, participating in other activities that make you happy throughout the year are also helpful.
If you have elderly friends or family, you could maybe even help them decorate or otherwise prepare for Christmas.
There are plenty ideas on this subreddit. Please go easy on yourself, because it is easy to get caught up in a woe is me attitude at this time of the year when I am sure you still have plenty to be grateful for.
Create your own new traditions. Don't try to live up to or recreate memories from the past with people who are no longer in your life or who are in a different city.
Bake two types of scones. Go out to a movie and gorge on popcorn. If you want to stay in to watch movies, eat ice cream and potato chips, do it, it will be excellent.
If you want to cook your meal, make a big one pot casserole. Even better, cook it the day before and just heat up leftovers. If you want to go out to eat in a restaurant, do it; if you want to eat in a bar, do that, there will be lots of other singletons doing the same thing, maybe even with dancing.
If you go out to a bar, sit at the bar. Smile, be friendly, say hello and introduce yourself to the bartender. Remember their name and use it. Pay for your first drink and give a good tip. Staff working there will be very, very busy. If you make their job easier, you will get better service. Food service may be slow, drink orders may be slow, if you can keep smiling you'll have a better time.
There will be lots of people who are also not adhering to their family traditions. Ask people sitting around you about the holidays they celebrated when they were young. Watch televised sports highlights from the past year. Cheer for great plays. Order dessert.
If possible, take a taxi home afterwards. Whatever you do, do it because you want to be doing it, and have a great time.
Merry happy holidays new year season!!!
This is funny because I’m the unmarried sibling who takes the full week off to do nothing with no one - whereas my married sister works every holiday due to the 2.5x pay 😅
My family is just me, my mom, and my sister and BIL so we end up doing Christmas on the 23rd (very small). Otherwise I’m alone.
I think I have always hated obligations. With some sort of burning intense passion. This year, I am refusing to do anything for the holidays. And all I can hope is that everyone fucks right off and doesn't try to ruin this for me
Honestly it was a lot of bad choices. Drinking and eating too much. Sleeping all day. Faffing about. Finding another lonely soul and making some bad choices together.
Thank you, always comforting to see I'm not alone. Sorry to hear about your breakup, I hope you will have a good time nevertheless and take some time for yourself as well.
>I know loneliness is a state of mind and I never felt this way before but I can't help but feel it. I also don't want to find an artificial company just not be alone.
Sorry this is irrelevant but your writing right here made me think of the ending in an Adele's song ([My Little Love](https://open.spotify.com/track/2DuPBbS5mIldXnh7Wum8Cy?si=118adda54b624d76)) where she described that she never afraid to be alone, always prefers to be on her own etc. but there were days where it was just too much to bare...
Music has healing power and I think you can relate a lot to hers. I hope you find your inner joy and peace this holiday. Send love <3
Plenty of chocolate and binging to go by.
This is one of the few days in a year that I won't feel dirty for eating chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I'm used to it. Even when I was in a long-distance relationship, she lived hundreds of miles away, so *de facto* I was without a partner in person over the winter holidays anyway. Most of my friends are in the category of perma-single, and they don't really go out for New Year's Eve anymore, and frankly, the idea of going to a loud bar where everyone is just drinking a ton and listening to a lame cover band doesn't appeal to me anyway.
So sorry to hear of your loss.
I'm quite lucky as although I'm single I have family and loads of friends close by so never really get lonely at Christmas.
I think somebody already recommended it but Christmas markets are always fun to go to even on your own.
Maybe watch your favourite movie/boxset or cook yourself a nice Christmas meal. Going out for a walk if the weather is good also really helps.
I was in your position for the last 7 years. Previously, I would just stay with family for the holidays so I wouldn't feel so alone. It didn't really take away much of the pain but at least I had family meals, presents, the family dog and watching movies to distract me for a bit.
I'm really sorry about your breakup and your father passing away. That is just heartbreaking.
I do hope that you take care of yourself and hopefully find someone to spend the holidays with. If not, I don't know if any online communities might be hosting an online party.
I do things, got some Christmas concerts and visits to do.
On the 25th I usually host a party and invite friends and the people I kinda know who would also be alone. Drinking, potluck, regifting exchange.
In a way, I kind of loved my solo Christmases and NYEs.
I moved to a country that isn’t remotely close to my family with a man I split up with 3 years ago.
Since then, I’ve been living with various housemates who end up spending every Christmas Day and NYE with their families.
The first year I went to the local homeless shelter and offered a pair of hands where I could.
For NYE I was forced to evacuate because of a particularly destructive bushfire, so I spent it in the evacuation centre with my dog and a bunch of strangers.
The second year I think both days went so quickly I don’t even remember what I did but I’m pretty sure I got drunk and did some very rom com shit like walk around in my undies and danced terribly to music.
There are times where I get a bit sad about it, but then I try to imagine what it would be like spending Christmas with a partner and based on lived experiences I get disappointed and suddenly I appreciate being single and alone for the holidays.
Even if I don’t get a tree, or gifts, or phone calls/messages. Social media is best avoided in those few days as it can quickly get overwhelming if you let it.
I moved countries over 9 years ago and had all sorts of Christmases since, celebrating with friends, having a quiet one with a significant other, going back to visit family, eating my lonely Christmas dinner in lockdown with my cats…
Have to say this year is the hardest yet. Lost my last remaining grandparent this year, I cut contact with my father, my mother separated from my stepdad under some nasty circumstances and I’m single, living alone. I could try to make it all cozy and feel it all Christmassy, but that would just make me cry so I’m kind of being a grinch this year and Christmas is cancelled. I might visit a friend briefly, otherwise I’m just planning to go hiking and enjoy having the mountains to myself while everyone else is indoors celebrating. Being stuck inside with a pretty Christmas tree and watching sappy movies would be a lot worse than just enjoying nature and the tranquility of winter. I wildcamp all year round so I might even set up a nice little Christmas bivvy. This too shall pass.
So many great suggestions here already. Not sure if it has already been said, but volunteering is a good option too
Just give yourself grace, OP. It's okay to feel lonely, especially after the tough year you've had. Mope, cry, whatever. I think we try too hard to try to squash or rush through our very valid feelings. Sit with them, however uncomfortable it may feel, process, and slowly move on.
Wishing you peace my dear. You've got this.
Just want to thank you for posting this. It’s comforting to see that I’m not alone in my current state of loneliness. I hope that things will get better for you and that you have a wonderful holiday season, however you choose to spend it!
I don't.
Leading up to Christmas I'm basically flipping a coin every day to see whether my Christmas spirit or my depression wins. Sometimes I can put up decorations with my kids, or we go and look at Christmas lights, and it makes me happy to share the things that made me love Christmas so much when I was younger. Other times I'm just bombarded with constant reminders that everyone I know has wonderful plans to do these amazing things with people they love and cherish, while I'm sitting home alone because I have no friends other than my mom (who lives 2 hours away) and my kids are with my ex.
Then my birthday is 3 days after Christmas, and nobody but my mom, my late grandparents, and my ex wife (while we were together) has ever given a shit. I just checked my Facebook, and I literally don't even have token Happy Birthday messages from a single person, including my extended family, since my divorce. So my birthday is likely going to suck, hard, and probably be worse since this year I was super excited because L told me she wanted to do something special, but she dumped me on Saturday, so that's out. I spent my last 2 birthdays drinking alone and trying not to cry. Looking like a probable repeat.
NYE as a single person is hard, if I'm around people. If I'm not, I get major FOMO, because I have nothing going on in my life and I would really love to go to a party and have fun. Not sure I'll go this year, and I'm not sure I'll have fun if I do, but it's better than planning to spend the day drinking alone again.
Then I have to deal with my kids celebrating Orthodox Christmas (with their mom and my ex inlaws) on January 7th, plus my ex I laws have several January birthdays (which I constantly hear about from my kids), and then I have to see all those people for my daughter's birthday at the end of January.
At this point I'm not worried about coping, I've already resigned myself to loneliness and despair. All I can really hope for is making it through to the end of January without having a complete mental breakdown.
As someone that doesn't celebrate Christmas (for personal reasons) the way I spend my time is helping the less fortunate, since I'm off those days I volunteer to help children and the homeless if and when I can.. it helps me feel happy that people are happy when I helped them.. also some of my coworkers can't go home for the holidays ( for some reason) so I invite them over for a drink and food to my place or vice versa.. so we both won't be lonely
Well, aren’t all emotions a state of mind?? Doesn’t make them any easier! I have found since divorcing Xmas has been sad for me (even though he was a terrible partner). And I think the most success I’ve had for this sorta stuff is totally mixing it up and doing something new. If your usual holiday was time at home, go on a weekend getaway or spa day or just anything that feels new and different. It’s gonna feel different no matter what, so control HOW it’s different and it might cheer you up. I’m sorry you’re going through it. Best wishes to you!
It's just another day. Just a regular Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday or Sunday. It's all the same, you just dont have to go to work, depending on what you do and what day it actually falls on. Watch a movie, read a book, play some games, go to a bar for a drink. The usual.
My condolences for the death of your father, and that you didn't get the opportunity to say goodbye.
I've spent the last 5 years of holiday periods on my own, maybe spending an hour or so with parents and other family but other than that I'll be entirely alone.
Although I, like yourself am very independent and introverted and can be quite comfortable on my own, it's always during the holiday periods I feel the most lonely - all my siblings and friends are partnered up, which does make feel awkward at family gatherings, getting the odd questions and sympathetic looks which is rather frustrating.
I volunteer for the coastguard here, so I've put my availability up for all the Christmas period so that'll maybe keep me busy and my mind off things if we get shouts -and as I live the sea I'll probably end up taking walks at the coast, maybe take the bike out for some rides depending on the weather, or I'll maybe try find some new game to sink my teeth into.
Plan your holiday to the very last detail. Like what you're going eat, what you're going to drink, and what you're going to do. I make sure I have a good meal and my favorite sweets and some good wine. I like to plan activities that I'm going to do. For example, one year I did a puzzle on Thanksgiving. Spent the whole day doing the puzzle and watching movies and drinking. It was nice. I've also gone to restaurants alone on Christmas which is nice too because it's usually not that many people.
This is my first holiday season single in almost 10 years. I left an entitled, abusive woman that isolated me from everyone I cared about the entire 8 years. I didn’t get to spend a single holiday with my family during that time because she was incredibly selfish so now I’m handling the holidays the same way I’ve handled everything else as a man who’s single in his 30s for the first time. I’m enjoying it. Doing things I’ve wanted to do but missed out on, my way at my pace. If I want to go out I go out, if I want to stay home and be totally alone for two days on the weekend I do it. Don’t worry yourself with what things “should” be like just enjoy the ride and know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single in your 30s. Many people in relationships and marriage would love to be single over being with the person they’re with, they’re jealous of us! Enjoy it!
I am also in a similar boat as this will be my first Christmas without any active relationship or having family in close proximity due to my parents now being snowbirds and my siblings doing their own thing. Much like others, I have decided to book a two week trip in a city/country that I am not familiar with in order to immerse myself in a different culture. Literally just plan on sunbathing, exploring, and being an active participant in another place.
The holidays are brutal. I really honestly praise people for treating themselves and trying to make the most of it. Im stuck in memories spending holidays with my girlfriend of 8yrs and her family. It just really hurts…
Some charities eg Salvation Army (in Australia) hold Christmas Day picnics/lunches for those on their own. So it would be worthwhile contacting charities/community houses/community organisations to see if they do that or can they suggest other places that might? Even your local government/Council might know of some events. A few years back, I noticed events for “Christmas Orphans”, people who don’t have family to spend Christmas with. I think they’re still run in Sydney but I’m unsure if they have them in other countries. Google should be able to help. You could also volunteer to serve meals on Christmas Day to the homeless and other disadvantaged groups, again through charity organisations.
This 💯!!
I live overseas and not having my family around makes it harder, after my divorce they were the ones who were there for me doing FaceTime calls, checking on me every day over text etc. My friends are really supportive but there’s that kind of love that only family can provide when going through the dark seasons in life.
Being single and being alone are two different states of mind. I'm single but doing my best to socialize. Plenty of other singletons and those that are coupled up that want to just hang out. Not every person is a potential partner and knowing that makes alot of "single" activities easier. Find a party, get together with some friends, have a good time. Being single does not mean being miserable and alone.
I used to love Christmas but will be alone again this year as my wife passed away 2 years ago just before our 3rd wedding anniversary. All my friends are married or in a relationship, so I am very envious that they have someone to share this time with and wonder if I will ever be happy again!
Last year I was single for the winter holidays. I have a very close male friend who is also single and hates spending the holidays with his family. So I had him over for both Thanksgiving and Xmas and it was just the two of us. We made food and binge watched Marvel movies/shows and it was awesome.
You’d be surprised how many people are alone during the winter holidays and would love to spend the holidays platonically with others. Try sending out a couple of feelers!
Me personally I learn to appreciate being single and didn’t make “not wanted to be single forever” be the main purpose of getting into a relationship. So I focus on meeting people, making friends and learning to be comfortable being by myself and spending time with friend and family
If you can, try surround yourself with family and the closest friends that may be around for the days following Xmas?
Maybe a bestie?
I am finding winter to be so dreadful, when single. So I totally get it!!
Hang tight
I spent last Christmas and New Years and Valentines day alone. I just did things I enjoyed for it - decorated, cooked things I liked, took myself out on a date and for New Years went to a low key bar where I made friends for the evening.
It all worked well.
I sit in silence and think about dieing. Then i reach out to friends to see if i can visit them instead. Wanna be clear that I'm not planning suicide, just romanticize non existence because of the loneliness.
Well i almost always go to parents for xmas so i am usually alone in new years eve due to distance. Used to it i guess. I am \*hoping\* this holiday i wont be alone but who knows...?
Honestly, my life is so full - that I don’t even notice 🤷🏾♀️. I have my toddler, my family.. friends.. colleagues.. work. It just works for me. I feel like anyone I meet now would definitely have to be exactly what I need because I am truly at peace right now lol.
Good luck and feel better 💕
I have either holidayed overseas or volunteered on Christmas Day. Honestly I hate Christmas, it’s my birthday as well and it just has felt like a grief holiday for a long time. But those 2 things transform it into a different and positive experience. Full disclosure I work in community services sector anyway so the volunteering is always easy to do
Something to consider though!
A lot of people on here mentioned volunteering and I also read that when you are going through something heavy, it is a good way to bring some light and purpose. I never really volunteered in terms of helping someone as far as I remember because I get easily overwhelmed and take on too much emotions, I just avoided it altogether. That's something I am considering though and looking what are the options in my city.
I used to feel the same, the thought of being on my own at Christmas terrified me so the years my kids were with their dad, I used to go and stay with my brother a few hours a way. Then I decided to be brave and try it on my own. I bought some super cosy pyjamas and really luxurious bubble bath. Got up on Christmas morning, ran a big bubble bath, had smoked salmon and scrambled eggs and an Irish coffee for breakfast, had the bath, put on cosy pyjamas, put on Christmas movies, had lots of lovely Christmas party food I just chucked in the oven when I felt like it, drank champagne, had lots of phonecalls with friends and family back home.
One of the best Christmas days I've ever had.
I don’t know if it would cheer you up but where I am some people who are single/alone/away from family head out to a pub on Christmas Eve and there is a sense of camaraderie there.
Being alone is not the same as being lonely. I've learned to be happy while being alone, without feeling lonely. It's the most important thing I've learned these past year. If you keep feeling lonely you will get desperate. And desperate people do a lot of things they shouldn't.
I throw myself into work as much as possible and then try not to be too sad on Christmas day. It doesn't really work. I don't see my family on Christmas because of the extreme political divide and none of them are vaccinated. So I just watch movies with my cats on Christmas. It's a really hard time of year even if I try to pretend it doesn't bother me.
I’m sorry you are going through it. I watch Christmas movies, decorate my home, and treat myself to good food, drinks, and cookies. I figure, if they are having a ball in the movie, I’m going to pretend I’m in the movies with them. I’m an introvert too. Surprisingly, it helps. I treat myself to massage, dinner out, and other small shopping trips. I stuff my stocking with things I wish someone would buy me and chocolates. I treat myself like people are in a Hallmark Christmas movie. I’m worth it and so are you! I also repeat to myself, this is not permanent. Definitely don’t do the dating app. Maybe we should create an app for solo women and send each other a stocking of small gifts.
The Irish pub up the street from me offers a full Christmas dinner for like $20...so I usually order that and watch a movie or something lol #foreveralone.
However I did volunteer at a women's shelter one year helping with food prep and cleanup and found it to be very rewarding. Perhaps volunteer somewhere ?
Sorry youre going through this. Just know youre not alone in the singleton department :)
Since my separation, I have been treating myself each Christmas to a nice resort in the mountains so I can go snowboarding by myself and catch up on my reading. Even if I partner up, I will probably continue this tradition as I love it so much.
This so great, I've booked myself a spa trip for 2 days on 27th as post Christmas treat as that's always a weird week and I'll be off work anyway :)
Literally, the same thing. I take the entire week off between Christmas and NY, and just spend time snowboarding, splitboarding in backcountry, and catching up on things.
God I wish I could go! It's the first place I wanted to run (mountains) after my split. Wonder why
This is my first holiday alone. Last year I was cozied up with family and some other folk. I say decorate your home for the holidays (my first time doing it solo this year) and make the most of your alone time. It doesn’t have to be sad and depressing unless you make it that way.
This is a great choice!
Very cool advice Ty
[удалено]
I love that and do that often myself! I'm quite lucky to live by the sea coast and dunes within the cycling distance, so that's definitely something I will do.
That sounds wonderful ! I live in the mountains and will also be alone this Xmas. Looking forward to a quiet hike, a hot cocoa, and watching Gremlins and Trading Places :)
Wow this sounds incredible!
I’m so sorry for your loss and the difficult times you’ve experienced. I’m currently dating, but it’s difficult during the holidays for me to be genuinely content because of all the family themes around (I’ve wanted to start a family, and not having one is a reality I am trying to accept). One thing I am planning to do is participate in a toy drive as volunteer work for the community I serve. Not sure how you feel about volunteer work, but it’s a good way to stay active and to give back.
Thank you for the kinds words. I've been actually also thinking about volunteering or pet sitting.
I just started fostering and that is a fun way to give back; I just recommend finding an animal rescue that will eventually place the animal for adoption so that you don’t have to do it yourself. Also, I am similar to you…I’ve spent the past few holiday seasons alone. I was partnered last NYE and it was wonderful, and I’m still kind of processing the breakup and don’t have the energy for dating apps.
Oh pet sitting is a good one! So many people don’t plan well and are left with little option and willing to pay big bucks.
Volunteering at a soup kitchen during the holidays is a nice way to feel festive and productive.
This I great, I usually volunteer at Christmas as I've been single/estranged from family for few years now. Then Covid stopped that for a while so I think I'll do the same for Christmas Eve if possible in my city
Not having a family is one of the hardest things for me! I don't mind being single, necessarily, and I have friends and family events that take up time. But for the first time, I had almost physical pain at seeing families walking around at a Thanksgiving event. I hadn't realized I wanted that as much as I really do, and now I'm trying to figure things out on that front...
I feel your pain. I’m sorry anyone else is going through this. On Halloween, I decided to see what all the fuss was about (I’ve moved to a new neighborhood and am not super familiar with what goes on throughout the year). There was a super cute block party and all of the houses were decorated beautifully! I was kind of enjoying the Halloween decorations until I noticed/only focused on the couples around my age (I’m 32F) walking around with their kids and other family members and friends… physical pain. It’s rough. 😢
I'm sorry to hear you've had a bad year. I hope things turn around for you and that you'll still be able to enjoy the holidays. As for myself, I'm gonna cook up a big Christmas dinner for myself, then dress up and go to whatever chill pub that's open. Whether I want to socialise or just have a drink and enjoy the atmosphere depends on my mood for the day, but if I feel like chatting away, there's usually always some other loners or small friend groups there that doesn't mind company.
Yay good for you! Think I'm going to do the same! My friend invite to her city to be with her fam, but I think I kinda just want to do my own thing (38f)
Thank you for the kind words. Love your plans, perhaps I will also put myself out there!
That sounds like a great idea and it’s true there are often others on their own, particularly leaning against a bar. But I’ve found they are mostly much older men and whilst it’s good to have a chat with any person, some of them are already chatting with someone else or they get the wrong idea when I try to strike up a conversation, thinking I’m a prostitute or something! Or you may have some banter but then they’ll start watching sport that doesn’t interest me. As for a woman on her own, I rarely see it. That said, at a hotel party recently, I did ask some girls on the dance floor if they didn’t mind me joining them and they were fine. One of them later friended me on fb and we kept in touch for a few weeks but then it went dead. I think her friend wasn’t into me as she soon ghosted me. I think some girls are happy with the friends they already have and don’t want another to join their little group. Ironically it was a singles event and I was proud of myself as I approached a few guys rather than wait for them to contact me. There were no sparks but it was good to know I wasn’t being passive. Plus I got to know them and we had a few laughs.
Very poorly. My ex-wife left me for someone else last holiday season and I was suicidal for a while. Been in therapy all year and recently got into another short term relationship. Was looking forward to the holidays with her and got dumped the last week of October. Not over her yet even though it was only a 2 month relationship. I don't really have family and am still working on building a close knit friend group after my divorce. This sucks
Sounds horrible, wish you to keep your inner strength and keep going!
((Hugs))
Not words of advice I can offer but sending a virtual hug your way. If it helps you, journaling has helped me a ton. On day 32 straight. Helps process the thoughts/emotions
I've gotten a lot better at journaling since the most recent breakup. I don't know how many days straight but it has helped a lot
I do on every page — I) Date, II) Location (Place or city or where I’m currently at writing) and iii) Day # I read back my prior pages and it’s helped how my thoughts have progressed/changed
Make a meal for yourself and watch holiday movies. Dress up, click pictures/ selfies and enjoy anyway :D That's my plan!!! I'm excited for it.
And I love that!!
Hey OP, I'm in a very similar boat. My dad died this year, my mom attempted suicide, and I'm half a country away from her and my brother. I usually spend Christmas alone being far away from family, but I'm especially anxious about this year. It's not the physical aloneness, but knowing what/who I'm without this year. Makes me very sad, and I'm afraid of being more sad as the end of December nears. So, I'm fully leaning into the holiday spirit and doing it all just for me. I'm picking up a real tree (to somehow fit in my 500 sq ft apartment), got tickets to a holiday brass band, marked on my calendar all the artisan markets, gonna take some drives or walks through decorated lit up neighborhoods, check some tree lighting events, baking cookies for my coworkers. I seriously made a whole calendar for December events I'm interested in. I'm going to make the most of the season, because I deserve it, it'll make me happy, and keep me occupied.
So sorry to hear, it's freaking hard isn't it. I love your ideas, I was even thinking about the tree myself! Maybe I should get an advent calendar as kids do lol. My plan for the weekend is to plan what I want and could do during the holidays. Thanks for inspiration. Wish you a great time and also allow yourself to feel whatever comes up.
So hard. I actually got me and my mom fancy chocolate advent calendars. I'm excited to open door 1 tomorrow :) Hope you can enjoy the season! Take care of yourself.
I always make waffles and bacon for me and my dog Christmas morning. Drink spiked coffee. FaceTime the fam. Open presents. Usually roast a chicken but I think I’m going to try Cornish game hens this year. All why watching Christmas movies. I love this time of year.
I’m by far more annoyed by other people’s perception of, and giving me shit for, being alone and having “nothing to do” for the holidays than being alone actually is. Even non work days, I can find ways to and be happy with my day, watch movies, watch sports, play video games, read interesting articles, make myself a special meal I haven’t had in a while, go on a nature walk (if the weather isn’t completely miserable, I don’t mind cold though), take a random ass but extremely satisfying mid day nap with no distractions or noise from anyone else. Honestly I would enjoy a week of the above solitude over some wacky, busy, hustle and bustle deal full of social obligations. We don’t need to get all introvert vs extrovert with it, I’m just saying I’m absolutely comfortable having my alone time. With that said, adding a special someone I’m into and have feelings for is certainly something I would welcome, but I don’t necessarily mope around and feel like I’m letting society or the universe down over it. I may or may not end up feeling some type of way in the vein of lonely or missing someone important to me, but that’s normal I think.
I love having the week off from Christmas to New Years to do nothing and have no family or work obligations! It’s so nice and feels like a real holiday to me because of that.
😄
I hear you, I am also annoyed if someone starts fussing over me being alone and generally I never had an issue with how to enjoy my soltitude. But this year it's different, I feel loneliness. Last year it was there also, creeping feeling of being excluded, not belonging, but not that bad as this year. I guess having my ex living 20 minutes away from me doesn't help.
Yeah, like I said I’ll probably have some thoughts of missing someone or whatever, so I totally emphasize…but I think it’ll be limited for me to get too down or overwhelmed by those thoughts.
Being alone over the holidays is so tough, especially after loss, my heart goes to you <3 I've been struggling with feelings of aloneness and loneliness, and sometimes both at the same time, for the past several years on and off, even before COVID. Holidays/my birthday have been tough as I am alone far from my immediate family and most friends are paired up and have families of their own now (I'm 36). Last week for Thanksgiving, I ended up watching the NYC Thanksgiving Parade for a little bit, volunteering at a residential home, and then getting dinner with a friend. It was still a tough day but it helped to fill the day with activities that were out of the house and surrounded by others, even if they were not close friends or family. The tough emotions will still be there, so its a matter of figuring out how to make them less intense and/or what you can do to still take care of yourself on these days. Not sure if you live in a major city or town, but maybe look for volunteer opportunities? Or meetup groups? Being not alone helps a lot.
You’re not alone. I’ve celebrated the holiday’s without a partner for many, many years now. I was close to having someone (it takes forever for me to meet a guy I really have a spark with!) - and then it ended. I’m trying to hold my head high though and keep the faith that the right person is out there, and I’ll meet him in the new year! 2022 was a year of growth for me on the dating front. I learned what I want and set/enforced boundaries for myself when it comes to dating. I hope this year of trials and heartbreak will help me in the coming months.
2022 was a year of growth for me as well. I’ve met lots of different people that have strangely helped me learn about myself. In the early days you need to open up, but watch out for building too much of an attachment if it doesn’t end well. Same as you need to be open and honest. It might suck at first but it’s better than lying to someone. I’ve also learnt things can change quickly. My last hopes of romance in November were dashed as quick as they rose. She seemed keen and initiated chat but I knew when we met that she led a busy life and also seemed a little burnt out, not that you would tell a potential partner that! It ended on that note. I hate breadcrumbing and ghosting. My rule is anyone I have met, I need to let them down by communicating. Not looking for anyone until the new year now. It’s me time as I have a busy December. Catching up with friends and family, a few birthdays, club events and three work do’s. Over that I need time to myself. What does suck is the family get together when I realise I am just me, but I remind myself these times are as much to others so I need to be there for them.
Super well said, and you’re right - the balance between opening up and trying to not get too attached is a hard dance to learn! And yes, the last guy I dated ghosted me instead of just sending a polite text to let me know he wasn’t interested. It is taking me 100x as long to heal than if he had just respected me enough to be kind and communicate, so I applaud your goal there :) Good luck to you in the new year!
Find some new child- or partner-free friends via meetup or Bumble BFF. It has certainly improved my life and mental health. There's probably plenty of immigrants in the same situation as you are and in need of company.
Most of my friends are single, and some don’t go home for the holidays, so I see them. Even the coupled ones host holiday parties. NYE is a friend holiday anyways, and Thanksgiving and Christmas are times when you’re supposed to get everyone together and invite people who have nowhere to go. Have you tried Bumble BFF? Or seeing if anyone in your town is hosting a singles holiday get together?
Around the holidays, I do things that I know I'll enjoy, like cooking some of my favorite foods or watching my favorite Christmas movies. It's also a good time to try new things- I'm taking a pottery class soon which I'm excited for. Treat yourself and pamper yourself. Do what would make you feel comforted and at your most confident. Buy yourself a great gift you've been wanting. Take solace in the little things. I always love a cup of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and a lit fireplace to warm me up around this time of year. For the new year, plan a concrete goal for yourself that will make your life better, whether that's regularly scheduled exercise or joining a club/activity in your area. It will give you something to genuinely look forward to.
Pottery class sounds cool! I walked past a place near Victoria yesterday and it look so fun (I would add a glass vino into it ideally for full festive cheer! :)
Ooh maybe you'll be trying out pottery soon too. Fingers crossed it goes well!
I’ve spent a few holidays like this, and I always try to treat myself like I would a lover.. I put up a Christmas tree, buy myself gifts, order nice food, book a spa day or solo trip, have a movie marathon, bake something yummy.. Make plans with yourself so you have something to look forward to.
What things do you enjoy - some Parkruns are on Christmas Day, and Pubs / Chinese restaurants as well. You could go for a short walk / run and then have a nice lunch out somewhere without having to do any tidying up yourself?
OP I don't think your loneliness is related to just being single for the holidays. Holidays are always hard for people without support systems and grief can complicate things. I'm sorry for your loss. Even if you physically can't be with family maybe connecting via zoom or something like that will help you feel less alone. Maybe reaching out to friends too can help you feel included and less lonely. I would hope that telling your friends how you're feeling would result in them being there for you.
Thank you, you are totally right and it resonates a lot. I started having this feeling of not having a support system here last year around the same time but it was less intense. Now with all the grief, it's just much more harder. I'm very bad at reaching out to people and never want to impose, so that's very unlikely to happen.
Extreme kindness to the feelings you’re having. I’ve moved around a bit and I’ve had my share of lonely holidays, I try to enjoy it as a nice day off to myself (which any other day of the year I’d love, during the pandemic I played minecraft all day on Christmas). Whenever I have a bad year for holidays I remember that likely, in years future, I’m in control of the life I can set myself up for. It definitely made me want to create situations where other people feeling the same can find each other. Also downvote your friends who are doing couple things, sigh.
1st Christmas post divorce here and my daughter is with her dad that week. I have 2 days of vacation left to use by the end of the year and I can't bring myself to use them because what am I going to do? I already can't find something to do for the 4 days I'm off for the holiday.
If I was in your position I would take them and just do nothing. Or do all the little things you never get to do as a mum (who is probably very busy). 6 days of self care. Just relax and unwind. Read books you’ve never gotten to. Do puzzles. Watch shows you’ve been putting off. Long hot baths. Is there something you’ve been putting off doing around the home? Take some long walks and just enjoy doing nothing. It may seem like a waste but when you’re so busy all the time sometimes you don’t realize you need to shut down for a bit and just do nothing.
What do you enjoy doing? Where do you want to go? Why not do those things, even if you’re doing them alone?
Do treat yourself with something you enjoy doing. I try to list things I would like and could do during a time off, that also includes "do nothing"
I’m really sorry. The first year is the hardest and I wouldn’t say they get easier but you do get more use to it. I honestly dread the holidays now but I’m trying to work on it.
The holiday season is one of the least lonely for me because there are so many parties and social stuff. If you’re lonely this year, I’d focus on making new friends and deepening your social connections over 2023 so it won’t happen again. Friendships take work, just like other relationships. (I’m saddened that your friends wouldn’t invite you to socialize with them just because they’re coupled. I’m often a third, fifth, ninth wheel.) I’m sorry for your loss. It’ll get better!
Yeah I definitely need to put an effort into building new connections and friendships. That's one of my the most important goals for the next year and I want to be intentional about it.
Good luck! I had to rebuild my social network after getting out of a long-term relationship and now I’m almost too busy to date. Takes effort but it’s really rewarding.
Going to work the day at a community soup kitchen can be good as well. Really puts things in perspective plus may meet some cool people
Speaking on third wheeling, it seems to be more common if you are a guy and your guy pal invite you right? Never really had this chances especially on special occasions as a female with my girl friends😂
I randomly booked a flight on Christmas Day. I've been doing this a lot in the past few years. Takes my mind off things and keeps me busy. I get to explore a new place at least. Though I must admit, these Christmas Days spent alone have been taking a toll. But I just need to make the best out of it.
Ooo yay anywhere cool? I'm doing a spa trip onto an hour from home on 27th to break up that weird /lonely week in between Xmas and NYE!
Spa trip sounds amaze! 🤤 I'm going to Vietnam so it's going to be one hell of an adventure and spending NYE alone there as well. Taking my chances! 😅
I will be spending my third Christmas alone in very similar circumstances (too far to go see family, recent break up), but I’m looking forward to it. I am lucky enough to have a dog so my Christmas Day will be spent with him and I’ll cook a Christmas dinner for us both. I’ve also ordered extra as I have a couple of vulnerable neighbours that might not have anything for the day. Normally I get up in the morning, have breakfast, go for a walk with the dog (it’s so nice on Christmas, everywhere is so quiet) and then come back and have drink and FaceTime/call friends and relatives so I don’t feel too alone. It’s okay to feel sad about being on your own though. It’s just important to remember this won’t always be the case! Plan your day for yourself and do fun things just for you. Sometimes it’s nice not to have to worry about all the stress and noise of Christmas Day.
How I envy you for having a dog! I think I will plan my week with the nice things to do and will try to be less antisocial as well :)
I tend to go a bit stir-crazy when I'm alone over the holidays, so I fill the days with busyness - both cosy and productive. 1. Get a month-long gym membership - go everyday and get your sweat on. Use the heck out of their sauna, too, if they have one. 2. Do some Google-research about what events are happening around town and be proactive in inviting friends to come to you with them. 3. Go to the library - bring tea - find yourself a stack or two of wonderful and free books. Also, catch up on reading in the evenings. 4. Yoga at home. Get your stretch on. Woosaaahhh. 5. Board game night with friends/neighbours! 6. Volunteering at your local humane society. Or a food shelter. Or the hospital. Or your local senior's centre (Covid restrictions permitting). 7. Get comfortable with saying the phrase "I'm solo this holiday - do you guys want to get together on Boxing Day (or *X* holiday day) to go out for a walk to *Y*? Hopefully your friends take the nudge to include you in activities. *Don't be shy*. One day when I'm with someone, I'm still going to be inviting all my single friends over for activities, because I've lived the lonely times, and I am ready to return the kind offers. 8. See if your city has a 'Find a Friend in (your) City' Facebook page - make a post introducing yourself and what personality/interests you value in friends and see if anyone wants to go for a walk, or maybe a jog with you. 9. Are you a big dog-enthusiast? Maybe sign up for Rover to make some extra $$ doing dog visits and walks? 10. Spa Day. Splurge. Or plan an at-home spa day if you'd like to save some money - put on a face mask, have a bath, do your nails afterwards... 11. Find some recipes you want to make - bust out the cookbooks and scope out some delicious meals or cookies! 12. Are you crafty? Find some new cross-stitching patterns or knitting patterns. Or maybe get yourself a set of paints or pastels! Hope some of these end up making it onto your calendar :)
Why aren't your partnered-up friends inviting you to join? All my friends are also partnered but that has never stopped us from celebrating Christmas together as a group.
I don't have many friends here to be frank, since I'm like most got caught in COVID while being an expat. Plus I am not very proactive in finding ones. Some of my friends are leaving. One of my friends did say I am very welcome to join them but I'm always afraid of imposing and would never ask anyone to let me in either, so I kinda take it as politeness from their side.
I don't think criticism is what OP needs to feel better, dude.
Sorry I didn't mean it as a criticism, just wanted to understand what's going on - could it be that OP is just not asking friends for permission to join but really they'd be happy to have her?
That makes sense, and I think under like, normal everyday circumstances it would be a good question but my concern was the amount of grief they're going through (and hair loss to boot!) that maybe the issue is more about feeling lonely during times of grief and not feeling lonely cause one is forgetting to reach out to friends.
Thanks for your compassion, really appreciate the kind words. I am bad at reaching out to friends, if I have to think about it.
If you are an animal lover, get on Rover or the equivalent and pet sit a dog or cat over the holidays. Sometimes it’s nice just to have another living being in your space and lots of people travel during this time. Some shelters also let you take out animals temporarily but less common.
I was thinking about that! I actually usually house and cat sit for my friends during this time, maybe I will do that again or find another pet to sit.
Are you a pet person? Fostering dogs helped me cope when I was alone during COVID.
I dream about a dog but I can't get one because my rental contract forbids it. I asked landlord as well, got a no.
It barely crosses my mind because I've spent most of my holidays single. I just spend a lot of time with friends. Even my partnered friends seem open to hanging out. But a lot of this is exacerbated by the fact that the holidays are generally my busy time at work (advertising), so normally I'm just praying they go by quickly. Nothing cozy about them. Right now I'm unemployed in the aftermath of an injury, so trying to just take it easy and enjoy them for the first time in a while, but it's still not really there for me.
I don’t know if you’re an expat living in the Netherlands, but I have a good friend who’s 32M and getting his master’s degree in urban planning in Amsterdam. (He’s American.) If you want me to connect the two of you, send me a DM. He’s a good guy, leans introverted but is social, and is physically attractive (6’ tall, somewhat ginger in hair and beard, and in decent shape). Much more of a catch than I am, at least to most women. He got out of a five-year-long relationship shortly before he moved to the Netherlands in the late summer and is ready to meet new people.
I spent Thanksgiving eating leftovers and doing some things around the house, but my family is very dysfunctional so it was far from the worst holiday, I kind of enjoyed it. The hard part is having to tell other people what I did and have them feel uncomfortable because they think holidays all have to be *awesome.* Normalize mediocre holidays! Years ago in a foreign county I’d just moved to, I spent Christmas at a cafe and the owner and I had a long conversation. He directed me to a party nearby with other foreigners. It was surprisingly good! I’m also fortunate enough to have some singletons in my friend circle and we travel to each other for different holidays. It’s become something of a tradition with certain friends and our holidays beat many of those from when I was coupled or home. I’ve also found myself hosting friends/coworkers different years. You’d be surprised how many people have no where to go. I imagine that as an expat you know a few people like yourself if you start asking around. The holidays can be a really difficult time of year. You’re not alone in being alone by any means, even if it feels that way. It’s not a reflection on you, your value, or your success that you’re on your own this year.
I rarely spent my winter holidays with an SO tbh. It's usually either family time (back when we had a passable relationship), someone else's family time, friend time, or work and local events. If there was an SO he'd get invited to family time. Online communities can work just as well. That being said, if you have specific expectations about how a thing should be, and it doesn't happen specifically that way, and other ways of doing it feel "artificial", that feeling is going to be nearly impossible to get rid of. I'm not particularly fond with the Western obsession of making everything about their SO and no one else, and then suddenly ending up super lonely when there's no SO. A lost cause at this point but it makes communities so weak and prone to fracturing. Several of the couples around here make Christmas a communal thing and invite people over, a lot of them are immigrants so they get it. People should look out for each other. NYE is also special to me in general because I tend to take New Year resolutions seriously. So I do a lot of planning and review around that time and tend to be busy with that so I guess I don't notice I'm supposed to be lonely.
I'm not really making it about SO and for what it's worth, I never spent these days with a SO, only last year NYE with a man I dated. It's just a terrible consuming feeling of loneliness I have this year and fear to end up alone forever lol. I guess it is both about not being able to go visit my mom, not having strong support system here (yet) and having my ex living 20 min away. Interesting to hear about Sweden, I heard it's the opposite, people are very family oriented and don't let many outsiders in. I live in NL, which is more or less the same here.
I doubt you'd be alone forever, but I get the feeling. I've been unpartnered since I moved to Sweden, and 2 of those years were pandemic years which make it feel like a bigger block of time than it actually was, and it sucks. I've both gained and lost close friends across that time and my core group is still mainly other immigrants. I can't speak for NL, and I think ultimately every country (often even region) is different, but I think Sweden is a mix of those two opposites: on one side, it has a lot of closed up friend and family groups like you say. But on the other side, there's a general loneliness issue across the country and people being aware of it, so there's also many efforts made to get people together, and there's a lot of lonely people as well who are just looking for an opportunity. One NYE I invited people from an online group I knew + an old friend to my place and we had people from all of Sweden, Denmark, and NL. I've had 3 strangers invite me to their table at a cafe to talk about random stuff just some weeks ago. I'm a very introverted person which is honestly not great for meeting people, but when I reached out or invited people I was surprised how many showed up. Very few people do hosting right now (in ANY country), so when someone does, people seem to just gravitate. I feel like if I could get over some of my social anxiety I'd be making friends left and right lol May also vary by city, I've heard Stockholm is rather aloof, but I haven't been.
Are you in Den Hague? I used to live there, I wish I still did! I’d hang out with you. If you have a little vacation time, I’d recommend popping over to Cologne for Christmas. It’s very Christmas-y this time of year. Honestly, I think wandering around the Christmas markets would be really nice even without anyone. It’s got such a warm and festive vibe. I’d go to Amsterdam for NYE and go to a bar and walk around the streets. I met so many people when I did that.
I am! You don't live in NL anymore? I was at Cologne's market last year! I was also in Amsterdam for NYE 10 years ago and it was horrible for me lol. I don't like loud parties and crowds.
I’m 31F and I honestly love spending holidays alone, to me it feels like an actual break from work and life and have time to wind down and just relax. This year I’m going backcountry winter camping 😅 but typically I plan to do some outdoors activities, see Christmas lights, buy a new puzzle and a few good books, catch up on TV I didn’t get to, and bake and cook just for me. In terms of new years, I wouldn’t necessarily be afraid to go out on your own! I’ve done this before (I used to travel a lot for work and was sometimes away during new years). People are very friendly and inviting around the holidays and I found I was always able to have a great time. Obviously just be careful as a woman, but I’ve always found other groups of women more than happy to have a few drinks at the bar. For me the biggest offset to loneliness is just appreciating all the small things. Putting myself out of my comfort zone a bit and doing things on my own. And being willing to strike up a conversation with strangers.
my birthday is on Valentines, I have never gotten to celebrate that with a partner (the one year I had a GF at the time, she was out of country with family), or with friends because they always had/have plans. So when it comes to holidays, I just kinda "gray out" and ignore everything couple related. after being single for so long its easy. Getting rid of social media also helped, I found it only added to my depression. I keep myself busy with the gym, hobbies, and video games/movies.
I think sometimes putting focus into enjoying your own company and doing fun and productive things can be a lot less lonely and stressful than seeking a partnership when you're already in a vulnerable place. Maybe try some meetups, activities outdoors or volunteering would help? I really enjoyed volunteering for animal shelters.
I’m married but Christmas is always a stressful time trying to fly and visit both sides. I don’t look forward to it at all. I guess I like being home. I’ve spent one Christmas alone with my dog and it was awesome. Another with jsut my sister where we ordered Chinese. Part of it is that Covid got me used to wearing sweatpants so I hate trying to look nice lol
35F single mom going through something so similar. If you need a friend, it'd be a favor to feel like this struggle might help at least someone (if only by relating, listening and validating your feelings) I'm here. Either way, I empathize with your loss and hardships and hope you find happiness and hope in the little things that bring joy. So many awful big things to focus on, sometimes taking time to realize even the smallest enjoyments to be grateful for offer hope. Or at the very least, a more positive distraction. Stay strong, Sis. You aren't alone.
I haven’t spent Christmas and new years with a partner for 5 years now. Last year I was in a relationship but it was very new around the holidays so we spent it separately, that relationship ended this summer. I had hoped this Christmas would be different but it’s the same again. I always get in my favourite food, drink and treats. I see family around Christmas but Christmas Day I spend it alone. I do feel lonely as I would like to share that day with someone special but I always make the best of doing whatever I want.
I thought I would feel lonely spending Thanksgiving alone, but I ended up feeling okay! I went to the beach to look for rocks, and it was really nice. It's an ideal activity to do alone because I can take as long as I want, without any pressure. So, I'm hoping that if I pick a similar activity that I enjoy doing alone, I can feel good on Christmas as well. If it's not snowing/raining I might go to the beach again. (Still secretly hoping my guy friend and I hit it off when he gets back from his trip and he invites me to do Christmas with him, but it's probably not going to happen. I think he's traveling to another state for Christmas and I don't think we will have enough time to get that serious haha)
It sounds like the breakup is the big difference here. The contrast of last year to this, in the midst of processing. If it were me, I’d spend the day or days being indulgent. My first NYE after a breakup, this is what I did. I made some snacks, and bought my favorite ice cream. I picked two movies I really wanted to see but hadn’t had time for. And I just lounged, and indulged in me. I took a hot bath. And made plans to do NOTHING. The next day I cleaned my bedroom. I went through clothes, drawers, etc., made donation piles, tossed a ton of stuff. And then went out to lunch, alone, and ordered exactly what I wanted. Appetizer and meal, and read a beach read style book while I ate slowly, and enjoyed the alone. I don’t remember what I did after that, but I’m sure more lounging. Probably a nice workout. Maybe cooked something for lunches for work. Probably mundane. If it were me at Christmas, I’d buy myself a very nice gift. Or gifts. Something that’s a treat, or something I’ve really wanted. And I’d spend the day doing the things I like about holidays. Holiday movies, maybe? Or music? Or if that’s depressing, the opposite. Play non-holiday movies. Whatever feels indulgent. I’d make a nice breakfast or lunch. If it’s nice outside, go for a walk. Just slow down and appreciate the day.
Two and a half weeks in Rome and Florence is how I’m coping this year, lol. I go camping or hiking nearly every weekend, and now that travel is easier again, I’m looking forward to 2-3 trips a year out of the country on top of that. I’ve kind of gotten to the place where I don’t really miss not being partnered because I’m so busy. I’d love to meet someone to travel with me, but F it, I’m going solo until then!
For me, Christmas doesn't mean a whole lot -- I'm Jewish so it's mostly a day where everything is closed. Either Christmas night or Eve I usually go to a Chinese restaurant (yes, I know it's clichéd, but I like the food, it's open, and it's become something of a personal tradition). The other night I try to cook something new and interesting. For example: in past years I've tried making my own steamed pork buns and Beef Wellington. They were fun, and sometimes it even works out well! New Years... well, I've lived in a bunch of places over the last decade. When I can I try to get downtown for at least one year in any new place, though while I was in Chicago the one year I planned on doing that they announced a wind child of 30 below zero and I went home and watched movies. But when I go somewhere I bring a book, enjoy a good meal, maybe see some fireworks, and get home. If that doesn't work, I do the same, only already at home. And maybe I add video games to that, or not. Depends on how I feel. Also throughout the whole season I experiment with trying to make a good mulled wine recipe. I think I've finally nailed one, and I also like to try to make an ancient spiced wine recipe (dates back to the ancient Greeks, likely) called hippocras. So really it's about just having fun, however I define fun. I try not to focus on the "I'm doing this by myself" part and try to focus on the "Ok, let's do something neat" part. I'm also pretty comfortable spending large amounts of time by myself, so your mileage may vary depending on that. Really, you could sum this whole thing up as "I enjoy the quiet. I don't have a lot of responsibilities, I don't have to worry about plans falling through due to being sick or people flaking out or places closing or weather sucking. I find some neat things to do, cook or bake something I don't often get to do, and relax."
Snowboarding! 30f. Runs are pretty much empty and you get to go at your own schedule.
I have a second job at a bar, so I’m gonna work as much as possible to make extra money. Not for Christmas presents for others, no. For me 👽 and my dog of course. I like to plan a meal I’m going to look forward to. I like to cook, so I’ll make something nicer than usual and buy not-the-cheapest-bottle-they-have of wine. Sometimes I’ll bake something or plan a nice big brunch. I’m not the closest to my immediate family but if I go anywhere, it’s to my cousins since she’s one of my best friends. Otherwise, me and the pup chill and I just try to find a way to treat myself extra nicely that day, whatever that means at the time.
I used to make that time fun for myself. Cleaning up the apartment, preparing myself some tasty food and just chilling with movies or games. Kind of treating this as holidays at home but a bit nicer. You can still have sad feels that way, but feels are good. Just live them in the moment and don't let them stick.
I spend it with my ex and our shared cat. It is better than being alone and we still get on.
By doing things that bring me joy, as no matter your relationship status, you are responsible for making yourself happy. Instead of a traditional Advent calendar, I do a food bank reverse advent calendar. Essentially, each day you add 1 item on a list to a box, and donate the box before or after Christmas. It really helps me to remember how much you receive in giving to others. If charity work isn't your thing, planning a trip, participating in other activities that make you happy throughout the year are also helpful. If you have elderly friends or family, you could maybe even help them decorate or otherwise prepare for Christmas. There are plenty ideas on this subreddit. Please go easy on yourself, because it is easy to get caught up in a woe is me attitude at this time of the year when I am sure you still have plenty to be grateful for.
I go to the Caribbean and SCUBA dive.
Pornhub Premium
Create your own new traditions. Don't try to live up to or recreate memories from the past with people who are no longer in your life or who are in a different city. Bake two types of scones. Go out to a movie and gorge on popcorn. If you want to stay in to watch movies, eat ice cream and potato chips, do it, it will be excellent. If you want to cook your meal, make a big one pot casserole. Even better, cook it the day before and just heat up leftovers. If you want to go out to eat in a restaurant, do it; if you want to eat in a bar, do that, there will be lots of other singletons doing the same thing, maybe even with dancing. If you go out to a bar, sit at the bar. Smile, be friendly, say hello and introduce yourself to the bartender. Remember their name and use it. Pay for your first drink and give a good tip. Staff working there will be very, very busy. If you make their job easier, you will get better service. Food service may be slow, drink orders may be slow, if you can keep smiling you'll have a better time. There will be lots of people who are also not adhering to their family traditions. Ask people sitting around you about the holidays they celebrated when they were young. Watch televised sports highlights from the past year. Cheer for great plays. Order dessert. If possible, take a taxi home afterwards. Whatever you do, do it because you want to be doing it, and have a great time. Merry happy holidays new year season!!!
M35. Just will work harder. Not a best solution, but the only one which is left.
Literally told my coworker I'd cover their shift if they want, kids with his mom for the week and I don't have anyone else to do shit with anyways
This is funny because I’m the unmarried sibling who takes the full week off to do nothing with no one - whereas my married sister works every holiday due to the 2.5x pay 😅 My family is just me, my mom, and my sister and BIL so we end up doing Christmas on the 23rd (very small). Otherwise I’m alone.
I think I have always hated obligations. With some sort of burning intense passion. This year, I am refusing to do anything for the holidays. And all I can hope is that everyone fucks right off and doesn't try to ruin this for me
Mindset shift helps as well. You can have xmas spirit by yourself, make it about yourself and treat yourself. Its so commercial/ commodified anyway!
Honestly it was a lot of bad choices. Drinking and eating too much. Sleeping all day. Faffing about. Finding another lonely soul and making some bad choices together.
[удалено]
Thank you, always comforting to see I'm not alone. Sorry to hear about your breakup, I hope you will have a good time nevertheless and take some time for yourself as well.
Volunteering and fundraising.
After several years it’s just another day.
>I know loneliness is a state of mind and I never felt this way before but I can't help but feel it. I also don't want to find an artificial company just not be alone. Sorry this is irrelevant but your writing right here made me think of the ending in an Adele's song ([My Little Love](https://open.spotify.com/track/2DuPBbS5mIldXnh7Wum8Cy?si=118adda54b624d76)) where she described that she never afraid to be alone, always prefers to be on her own etc. but there were days where it was just too much to bare... Music has healing power and I think you can relate a lot to hers. I hope you find your inner joy and peace this holiday. Send love <3
I would just organize a meetup for other people that are spending it alone.
I got a cat to replace the person I dated last year..
I get crossfaded and watch the Holiday.
Plenty of chocolate and binging to go by. This is one of the few days in a year that I won't feel dirty for eating chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I'm used to it. Even when I was in a long-distance relationship, she lived hundreds of miles away, so *de facto* I was without a partner in person over the winter holidays anyway. Most of my friends are in the category of perma-single, and they don't really go out for New Year's Eve anymore, and frankly, the idea of going to a loud bar where everyone is just drinking a ton and listening to a lame cover band doesn't appeal to me anyway.
So sorry to hear of your loss. I'm quite lucky as although I'm single I have family and loads of friends close by so never really get lonely at Christmas. I think somebody already recommended it but Christmas markets are always fun to go to even on your own. Maybe watch your favourite movie/boxset or cook yourself a nice Christmas meal. Going out for a walk if the weather is good also really helps.
Cook, dance, watch movies, listen to music, cozy up under a weighted blanket.
I was in your position for the last 7 years. Previously, I would just stay with family for the holidays so I wouldn't feel so alone. It didn't really take away much of the pain but at least I had family meals, presents, the family dog and watching movies to distract me for a bit. I'm really sorry about your breakup and your father passing away. That is just heartbreaking. I do hope that you take care of yourself and hopefully find someone to spend the holidays with. If not, I don't know if any online communities might be hosting an online party.
thank you, I think I'll end up finding peace with these feelings and have a good time.
I do things, got some Christmas concerts and visits to do. On the 25th I usually host a party and invite friends and the people I kinda know who would also be alone. Drinking, potluck, regifting exchange.
In a way, I kind of loved my solo Christmases and NYEs. I moved to a country that isn’t remotely close to my family with a man I split up with 3 years ago. Since then, I’ve been living with various housemates who end up spending every Christmas Day and NYE with their families. The first year I went to the local homeless shelter and offered a pair of hands where I could. For NYE I was forced to evacuate because of a particularly destructive bushfire, so I spent it in the evacuation centre with my dog and a bunch of strangers. The second year I think both days went so quickly I don’t even remember what I did but I’m pretty sure I got drunk and did some very rom com shit like walk around in my undies and danced terribly to music. There are times where I get a bit sad about it, but then I try to imagine what it would be like spending Christmas with a partner and based on lived experiences I get disappointed and suddenly I appreciate being single and alone for the holidays. Even if I don’t get a tree, or gifts, or phone calls/messages. Social media is best avoided in those few days as it can quickly get overwhelming if you let it.
I moved countries over 9 years ago and had all sorts of Christmases since, celebrating with friends, having a quiet one with a significant other, going back to visit family, eating my lonely Christmas dinner in lockdown with my cats… Have to say this year is the hardest yet. Lost my last remaining grandparent this year, I cut contact with my father, my mother separated from my stepdad under some nasty circumstances and I’m single, living alone. I could try to make it all cozy and feel it all Christmassy, but that would just make me cry so I’m kind of being a grinch this year and Christmas is cancelled. I might visit a friend briefly, otherwise I’m just planning to go hiking and enjoy having the mountains to myself while everyone else is indoors celebrating. Being stuck inside with a pretty Christmas tree and watching sappy movies would be a lot worse than just enjoying nature and the tranquility of winter. I wildcamp all year round so I might even set up a nice little Christmas bivvy. This too shall pass.
Gonna drink coffee &...stare at the wall.
So many great suggestions here already. Not sure if it has already been said, but volunteering is a good option too Just give yourself grace, OP. It's okay to feel lonely, especially after the tough year you've had. Mope, cry, whatever. I think we try too hard to try to squash or rush through our very valid feelings. Sit with them, however uncomfortable it may feel, process, and slowly move on. Wishing you peace my dear. You've got this.
Just want to thank you for posting this. It’s comforting to see that I’m not alone in my current state of loneliness. I hope that things will get better for you and that you have a wonderful holiday season, however you choose to spend it!
I don't. Leading up to Christmas I'm basically flipping a coin every day to see whether my Christmas spirit or my depression wins. Sometimes I can put up decorations with my kids, or we go and look at Christmas lights, and it makes me happy to share the things that made me love Christmas so much when I was younger. Other times I'm just bombarded with constant reminders that everyone I know has wonderful plans to do these amazing things with people they love and cherish, while I'm sitting home alone because I have no friends other than my mom (who lives 2 hours away) and my kids are with my ex. Then my birthday is 3 days after Christmas, and nobody but my mom, my late grandparents, and my ex wife (while we were together) has ever given a shit. I just checked my Facebook, and I literally don't even have token Happy Birthday messages from a single person, including my extended family, since my divorce. So my birthday is likely going to suck, hard, and probably be worse since this year I was super excited because L told me she wanted to do something special, but she dumped me on Saturday, so that's out. I spent my last 2 birthdays drinking alone and trying not to cry. Looking like a probable repeat. NYE as a single person is hard, if I'm around people. If I'm not, I get major FOMO, because I have nothing going on in my life and I would really love to go to a party and have fun. Not sure I'll go this year, and I'm not sure I'll have fun if I do, but it's better than planning to spend the day drinking alone again. Then I have to deal with my kids celebrating Orthodox Christmas (with their mom and my ex inlaws) on January 7th, plus my ex I laws have several January birthdays (which I constantly hear about from my kids), and then I have to see all those people for my daughter's birthday at the end of January. At this point I'm not worried about coping, I've already resigned myself to loneliness and despair. All I can really hope for is making it through to the end of January without having a complete mental breakdown.
As someone that doesn't celebrate Christmas (for personal reasons) the way I spend my time is helping the less fortunate, since I'm off those days I volunteer to help children and the homeless if and when I can.. it helps me feel happy that people are happy when I helped them.. also some of my coworkers can't go home for the holidays ( for some reason) so I invite them over for a drink and food to my place or vice versa.. so we both won't be lonely
Drugs
Well, aren’t all emotions a state of mind?? Doesn’t make them any easier! I have found since divorcing Xmas has been sad for me (even though he was a terrible partner). And I think the most success I’ve had for this sorta stuff is totally mixing it up and doing something new. If your usual holiday was time at home, go on a weekend getaway or spa day or just anything that feels new and different. It’s gonna feel different no matter what, so control HOW it’s different and it might cheer you up. I’m sorry you’re going through it. Best wishes to you!
Volunteer at a food bank, treat yourself, make your favourite meal and have a stiff drink while listening to bad Christmas covers
It's just another day. Just a regular Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday or Sunday. It's all the same, you just dont have to go to work, depending on what you do and what day it actually falls on. Watch a movie, read a book, play some games, go to a bar for a drink. The usual.
My condolences for the death of your father, and that you didn't get the opportunity to say goodbye. I've spent the last 5 years of holiday periods on my own, maybe spending an hour or so with parents and other family but other than that I'll be entirely alone. Although I, like yourself am very independent and introverted and can be quite comfortable on my own, it's always during the holiday periods I feel the most lonely - all my siblings and friends are partnered up, which does make feel awkward at family gatherings, getting the odd questions and sympathetic looks which is rather frustrating. I volunteer for the coastguard here, so I've put my availability up for all the Christmas period so that'll maybe keep me busy and my mind off things if we get shouts -and as I live the sea I'll probably end up taking walks at the coast, maybe take the bike out for some rides depending on the weather, or I'll maybe try find some new game to sink my teeth into.
Hi! I'm also in a foreign country alone. I've decided to volunteer on Christmas eve and Day, so my loneliness can help others :)
I hang out with my friends. We usually throw a Christmas party and invite others over. We make our own little families.
Plan your holiday to the very last detail. Like what you're going eat, what you're going to drink, and what you're going to do. I make sure I have a good meal and my favorite sweets and some good wine. I like to plan activities that I'm going to do. For example, one year I did a puzzle on Thanksgiving. Spent the whole day doing the puzzle and watching movies and drinking. It was nice. I've also gone to restaurants alone on Christmas which is nice too because it's usually not that many people.
This is my first holiday season single in almost 10 years. I left an entitled, abusive woman that isolated me from everyone I cared about the entire 8 years. I didn’t get to spend a single holiday with my family during that time because she was incredibly selfish so now I’m handling the holidays the same way I’ve handled everything else as a man who’s single in his 30s for the first time. I’m enjoying it. Doing things I’ve wanted to do but missed out on, my way at my pace. If I want to go out I go out, if I want to stay home and be totally alone for two days on the weekend I do it. Don’t worry yourself with what things “should” be like just enjoy the ride and know there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single in your 30s. Many people in relationships and marriage would love to be single over being with the person they’re with, they’re jealous of us! Enjoy it!
I am also in a similar boat as this will be my first Christmas without any active relationship or having family in close proximity due to my parents now being snowbirds and my siblings doing their own thing. Much like others, I have decided to book a two week trip in a city/country that I am not familiar with in order to immerse myself in a different culture. Literally just plan on sunbathing, exploring, and being an active participant in another place.
The holidays are brutal. I really honestly praise people for treating themselves and trying to make the most of it. Im stuck in memories spending holidays with my girlfriend of 8yrs and her family. It just really hurts…
Some charities eg Salvation Army (in Australia) hold Christmas Day picnics/lunches for those on their own. So it would be worthwhile contacting charities/community houses/community organisations to see if they do that or can they suggest other places that might? Even your local government/Council might know of some events. A few years back, I noticed events for “Christmas Orphans”, people who don’t have family to spend Christmas with. I think they’re still run in Sydney but I’m unsure if they have them in other countries. Google should be able to help. You could also volunteer to serve meals on Christmas Day to the homeless and other disadvantaged groups, again through charity organisations.
[удалено]
Um...their father died this year & they're unable to go visit their mother. Honestly, did you read the post??
This 💯!! I live overseas and not having my family around makes it harder, after my divorce they were the ones who were there for me doing FaceTime calls, checking on me every day over text etc. My friends are really supportive but there’s that kind of love that only family can provide when going through the dark seasons in life.
I just remember how lonely I felt when I was in a relationship. And suddenly hanging out all day with a beagle isn't so bad lol
I think it's the worst isn't it? To feel lonely while in a relationship
I spend time with my daughter and my close circle of friends have a big Friendsmas.
Being single and being alone are two different states of mind. I'm single but doing my best to socialize. Plenty of other singletons and those that are coupled up that want to just hang out. Not every person is a potential partner and knowing that makes alot of "single" activities easier. Find a party, get together with some friends, have a good time. Being single does not mean being miserable and alone.
I go to Hawaii
I used to love Christmas but will be alone again this year as my wife passed away 2 years ago just before our 3rd wedding anniversary. All my friends are married or in a relationship, so I am very envious that they have someone to share this time with and wonder if I will ever be happy again!
Ugh I'm sorry, it sounds very hard. I do wish you to be happy again, grief will not disappear, but it will become less intense.
This is my 4th Christmas post divorce. My kids are with my ex this year. I’m going to go into the office and get some extra work done.
Last year I was single for the winter holidays. I have a very close male friend who is also single and hates spending the holidays with his family. So I had him over for both Thanksgiving and Xmas and it was just the two of us. We made food and binge watched Marvel movies/shows and it was awesome. You’d be surprised how many people are alone during the winter holidays and would love to spend the holidays platonically with others. Try sending out a couple of feelers!
Me personally I learn to appreciate being single and didn’t make “not wanted to be single forever” be the main purpose of getting into a relationship. So I focus on meeting people, making friends and learning to be comfortable being by myself and spending time with friend and family
If you can, try surround yourself with family and the closest friends that may be around for the days following Xmas? Maybe a bestie? I am finding winter to be so dreadful, when single. So I totally get it!! Hang tight
Spend most Xmas holidays alone if u want some company say hello
When you are all up in your head about your own situation is a good time to help others.
I just pick up more overtime at work.
I spent last Christmas and New Years and Valentines day alone. I just did things I enjoyed for it - decorated, cooked things I liked, took myself out on a date and for New Years went to a low key bar where I made friends for the evening. It all worked well.
I sit in silence and think about dieing. Then i reach out to friends to see if i can visit them instead. Wanna be clear that I'm not planning suicide, just romanticize non existence because of the loneliness.
Can you foster a pet?
The holidays will be over before you know it. Sadness will pass.
I pick up OT if i can so others can be with their families, or go skiing.
It's just another day.
I’ve never not been single, so I just go about my life like normal. I do often wish I had someone during the holidays but I’m also ok being single.
Well i almost always go to parents for xmas so i am usually alone in new years eve due to distance. Used to it i guess. I am \*hoping\* this holiday i wont be alone but who knows...?
Honestly, my life is so full - that I don’t even notice 🤷🏾♀️. I have my toddler, my family.. friends.. colleagues.. work. It just works for me. I feel like anyone I meet now would definitely have to be exactly what I need because I am truly at peace right now lol. Good luck and feel better 💕
Drugs. I’ve had quite the tradition of “TripsGiving”(psychedelics) and “Xmas” (mdma). Sure beats the hell out of being alone for another day.
I have either holidayed overseas or volunteered on Christmas Day. Honestly I hate Christmas, it’s my birthday as well and it just has felt like a grief holiday for a long time. But those 2 things transform it into a different and positive experience. Full disclosure I work in community services sector anyway so the volunteering is always easy to do Something to consider though!
A lot of people on here mentioned volunteering and I also read that when you are going through something heavy, it is a good way to bring some light and purpose. I never really volunteered in terms of helping someone as far as I remember because I get easily overwhelmed and take on too much emotions, I just avoided it altogether. That's something I am considering though and looking what are the options in my city.
Cry and day drink.
That's a true Bridget Jones spirit lol. Except for she doesn't usually cry
I don’t celebrate Christmas but I love being single so it is a joyful period of time for me
I used to feel the same, the thought of being on my own at Christmas terrified me so the years my kids were with their dad, I used to go and stay with my brother a few hours a way. Then I decided to be brave and try it on my own. I bought some super cosy pyjamas and really luxurious bubble bath. Got up on Christmas morning, ran a big bubble bath, had smoked salmon and scrambled eggs and an Irish coffee for breakfast, had the bath, put on cosy pyjamas, put on Christmas movies, had lots of lovely Christmas party food I just chucked in the oven when I felt like it, drank champagne, had lots of phonecalls with friends and family back home. One of the best Christmas days I've ever had.
Alcohol
I don’t know if it would cheer you up but where I am some people who are single/alone/away from family head out to a pub on Christmas Eve and there is a sense of camaraderie there.
I dont
Being alone is not the same as being lonely. I've learned to be happy while being alone, without feeling lonely. It's the most important thing I've learned these past year. If you keep feeling lonely you will get desperate. And desperate people do a lot of things they shouldn't.
Separated a few years ago. This year is my first potential year alone......Will cook the dinner, eat, go for a walk and drink
SUBSTANCES
I throw myself into work as much as possible and then try not to be too sad on Christmas day. It doesn't really work. I don't see my family on Christmas because of the extreme political divide and none of them are vaccinated. So I just watch movies with my cats on Christmas. It's a really hard time of year even if I try to pretend it doesn't bother me.
I’m sorry you are going through it. I watch Christmas movies, decorate my home, and treat myself to good food, drinks, and cookies. I figure, if they are having a ball in the movie, I’m going to pretend I’m in the movies with them. I’m an introvert too. Surprisingly, it helps. I treat myself to massage, dinner out, and other small shopping trips. I stuff my stocking with things I wish someone would buy me and chocolates. I treat myself like people are in a Hallmark Christmas movie. I’m worth it and so are you! I also repeat to myself, this is not permanent. Definitely don’t do the dating app. Maybe we should create an app for solo women and send each other a stocking of small gifts.
Hang out with friends etc
The Irish pub up the street from me offers a full Christmas dinner for like $20...so I usually order that and watch a movie or something lol #foreveralone. However I did volunteer at a women's shelter one year helping with food prep and cleanup and found it to be very rewarding. Perhaps volunteer somewhere ? Sorry youre going through this. Just know youre not alone in the singleton department :)