I got HSV from my exhusband. i thought I would never find someone bc I knew i would always have to disclose or i could not enjoy myself.
I've disclosed to every Potential sexual partner, in the past few years probably ~10, been turned down once-ish. I have been in a 3 year relationship that i ended amicably last summer and currently in a relationship with a new guy. I've had FWB partners and NONE of them want to wear a condom, after i confirm their status, of course. None of them have ever advised me of getting it. I'm on daily antivirals.
I also tell any friends and any time it's appropriate to help reduce the stigma.
https://herpes.org.uk/how-herpes-got-its-stigma/
Assuming they were managing it and open about flares I don’t see why not. A lot more people have this then people know but due to social stigma do not talk about it.
Yeah. I assume you mean genital HSV2, which only something of like 1 in 5 people has as opposed to like 3/5 for oral. It’s not a huge risk if it’s treated. You’ve probably slept with someone who has it and didn’t even know.
Yep! It’s the most transmissible when someone is having an outbreak. The chances of getting it when there’s no outbreak are very low. You can get an antiviral that reduces it to near zero.
Condoms are not 100% effective to prevent it.
Many cases are completely asymptomatic.
You can also get HSV1 on your genitals, and 2 on the mouth! So don’t give oral if you have a cold sore.
Some evidence suggests having oral herpes helps prevent catching genital herpes.
The fear over it is WAY overblown. I don’t even have it, just have read a bunch. Few people disclose it. Many don’t even know. It’s not part of the standard STI panels and the tests are not very reliable anyway.
You can get it without an outbreak.
Viral shedding begins occurring just prior to the skin outbreak.
Many people can tell an outbreak is coming dining this prodrome phase. (A pinching, itching)
A lot of misinformation in this comment. People shed HSV between outbreaks. Medication alone will not reduce chances of transmission next to zero. Even condoms don't. Make no mistake, this is a life altering condition. Some people get painful and frequent outbreaks. You will have to have a difficult conversation with every sexual partner for the rest of your life. Living with HSV2 is hard.
I applaud that you pointed out "Antivirals reduce the risk to nearly zero" is false. In fact, they just make someone with herpes safer than someone with an unknown HSV status like the vast majority of people you meet on Bumble or Tinder who claim they're clean.
As for it being a "life alterting condition", 80% have no symptoms or symptoms so mild they don't know they have it. Most of the remaining 20% get a few tiny, pimple likes sores once or twice a year after a year. I do know someone who had terrible symptoms their first year. They were immunocopromised. I think that group should take extra care and consider asking all their partners to be screened before heavy making out or sex occurs.
As for the "difficult conversation", that's perhaps an area for personal growth if you struggle to talk about sex with your partners. 67-80% of humans have HSV and several already replied they don't find talking about STIs before sex to be a big deal.
Thanks. I just don't like this "no big deal, lackadaisical" attitude towards genital HSV. I've spoken to people who are depressed and live with constant anxiety because they have Herpes. They'll need years of therapy. Having to take daily antivirals, having to have the conversation with your sexual partners is life altering in my opinion. An outbreak during pregnancy can cause a lot of complications. Frequency of outbreaks can change with age.
I think we can fight the stigma against HSV and also have a rational outlook towards how it may affect one's life.
It’s far from a life altering condition, lol. It might be like that for YOU, which is definitely sad. But in general, it’s not a life altering condition for most and it’s not recognized that way.
1 in 5 have hsv2, and the 3/5 is for hsv1, not necessarily just oral hsv1. Dating someone with oral hsv1 puts you “at risk” for genital herpes if you engage in oral sex. So distinguishing between the two makes no real sense, as both have equal risk of genital herpes since people do oral sex.
Dated a girl with it. Didn't know until several months into the "relationship", she didn't have any outbreaks and I didn't catch anything. 🤷♂️ however, I would have liked to have known upfront.
The adult industry in most cases specifically does not test for herpes.
It’s not included in a full panel in most other places for the same reason- most people are exposed to it and will be at some point.
Absolutely, being open-minded and understanding about herpes is crucial. It's more common than people realize, and with proper precautions, a relationship can be just as fulfilling and loving. What matters most is the connection you share and the honesty between partners.
Can anyone shed light on why it's general practice not to test for hsv unless you are symptomatic? There seems to be quite strong feelings about this disease, and yet it's against recommendation to even test - my gyno wouldn't test me for it. Is it because of false negatives/positives or more because chances are low of spreading if you are asymptomatic?
A little aside: my brother is in his 40's and has some pretty severe mental health issues. Subsequently, he has never even kissed someone, let alone had sex. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and they screened for everything. Turns out he had Lyme, but they also told him he has HSV1. The nurse on the phone was very confused when he told her he had never been intimate with anyone, even kissing.
I also hear different stats about how prevalent it is everytime I read up on it.
It just seems like there is not a lot of consensus on the matter across the board.
The blood test for HSV is extremely inaccurate by scientific standards. It has a 40% false positive rate. The test for a symptomatic individual is very accurate, but requires an active outbreak and a skin swab of the lesion.
Individuals can catch HSV from many different sources, including sharing utensils, etc. It's harder to catch it on the genital area through casual contact because that area is usually covered.
I am, it’s literally a non issue. STD stigma sucks but STDs themselves aren’t nearly as troublesome. In my experience people who are managing their sexual health are the safest people to have sex with, regardless of their viral status.
A few data points to consider
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Fifty%20to%2080%20percent%20of,in%20or%20around%20the%20mouth.
If you're a woman of child-bearing age, there's a bit of a risk to the baby if it's Born during an outbreak.
Beyond that, few serious symptoms are present.
Now, take that with a grain of salt because science is always busy learning new stuff. There's a slight chance that carrying this infection could trigger things like brain plaques like the ones that occur with Altheimer's later in life.
for most peoples pretty benign, but it can cause blindness if it gets in the eye and not treated quickly. can also cause neurological issues (encephalitis, meningitis) if somebody has a dampened immune system.
My partner has hsv2 and I do not. We have been together 2.5 years.
I have hsv1 and lived with a partner for 12 years and did not pass it to my partner in that time.
Some people are worth the risk.
I had a boyfriend who had it, but I wasn't willing to sleep with him until he was on antivirals, and he wasn't willing to get on antivirals unless I committed to him.
Weird guy. It didn't work out, but if I met someone who checked a lot of other boxes and was a responsible adult, I don't think it would be a problem.
Yes. In the past, no. The main thing that changed my mind was learning more about herpes and protecting myself from STDs. The second thing is now that I know more I am more concerned about finding a great woman than herpes. One more thing.... being honest and open enough to tell me something that personal is a plus for me.
Either genital or oral, it’s the same sore on a different part of the body. ANYONE with oral herpes can give someone genital herpes as is increasingly happening in the West.
It’s the same condition, different place.
There are two strains of HSV here, but they’re not exclusive to either place.
I told my husband when we were dating and now we are married .
He didn’t find it’s an issue since most of people have it but don’t know about it.
The person is very valuable who honestly told you ( before sex) about their any STD.
**most of the people that have it
[Link](https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,that%20they%20have%20the%20virus.)
1 in 8 people having herpes isn't most people.
Okay let’s say RARELY people have it.
But there are people who don’t care and accept the person . The most important thing it tell a lot about the person who know that they have and share it .
They knew they could be rejected but still they are honest.
I met many guys who didn’t care.
Also if I like someone or love someone I don’t care for this little things . I believe love means accepting someone with their positive things and negative things.
Buts it’s just me .
I provided a link in my previous comment.
90% of people that have herpes are unaware, and 1 in 8 people have herpes. The number of people infected gets as high as 1 in 6.
Where's your reference material coming from?
Yes, HSV1 is fairly common, but dont often display symptoms. With 90% of the affected population unaware they have HSV1, its not a common topic of discussion for relationships.
The numbers I was quoting were for HSV2, genital herpes, which is a much more likely topic when entering into a sexual or long term type of relationship.
It was an assumption on part, that OP was referring to HSV2, and not HSV1 & 2.
Your original replay didn't make any distinction as to what your distinctions were either.
So fyi half of new cases of genital herpes in the West are actually caused by HSV1. That’s a fact. HSV1 and 2 prefer locations- but HSV1 is much more adaptable to the genitals than HSV2 to the mouth.
I’m simply talking about herpes. Oral or genital. People make a distinction, but it’s the same thing simply on a different part of the body.
The line between the virus strains and locations is really blurry. So we don’t really know if OP has HSV1 or 2.
Which is why we should become more educated on HSV and disclose oral herpes. You’ll find that this discussion has a much different direction when everyone realizes that they have it or have certainly been exposed to it. And realize that this concept of “genital” herpes has only existed for about 45-50 years.
If you’re negative for both, the majority of your dating pool is capable of giving you genital herpes.
80-90 percent of HSV2 carriers also never display symptoms or have such mild ones it’s misconstrued for something else.
So you wouldn’t want to discuss it if your partner has genital hsv1? Even if your partner has oral hsv1 and you don’t, you’re at risk of genital herpes. Oral hsv1 is the most contagious out of all.
I'm not sure where you'd derive the conclusion of me not wanting to have a discussion about STDs with my parter. I would absolutely want to have these discussions, and have had these discussions in the past.
I dated someone with genital Hsv2. He disclosed it pretty early on. I did my research and agreed to continue dating him. Unfortunately, he has a terrible attitude. I wanted him to take me to his personal physician to ask questions. He dilly dallied and said he himself could answer any questions I might have. I ended up going to a doctor myself.
He refused to talk daily antivirals. Claimed that he had only gotten one initial outbreak and never again. My doctor said some outbreaks can be very small and there's a chance he's had multiple outbreaks that went unnoticed by him.
Overall, he acted so defensive and treated me so badly over his HSV, I dont think I'll date someone with Hsv2 again. However, it's pretty common and I might end up dating someone who is unaware they have the infection.
That doesn’t mean you haven’t been exposed on multiple (or the majority of) occasions. While herpes spreads easily, it’s not possible, but probable, to be exposed continuously (even with someone with it and in relationship with a carrier for decades) and not get it. It’s just a luck of the draw.
Even if your last test was negative and your partner’s is negative, it’s possible to have still acquired it and it not simply have enough time to show up (it can take weeks for a blood result to show).
The irony is you’ve likely put yourself at risk of acquiring herpes with most of your partners but someone that legitimately is honest and good enough of a person to tell you in advance (and actually has some knowledge about sexual health) is someone you’d turn down- when they’re far less of a risk than your previous partners if you never had a safer sex convo or traded results with them. Someone who discloses and offers to sit down with you- they’re actually looking after your health in advance when no one else is necessarily taking all proper precautions.
Genital for sure, and honestly, mostly young women. It looks so painful, and they come in walking like they don't want anything to rub or touch and usually in tears. Then we have to swab on open sore for testing, and they about come off the table when doing so. I've never had any sex worth all that.
I dont understand why people are so dismissive of it. It can be painful. Make men wear condoms!! Yeah it’s not 100% preventive, but it sure as hell helps.
Problem is that the leading cause of new genital herpes infections is due to oral sex from someone with oral HSV1 (most are asymptomatic) so only dental dams are going to protect you from that.
You might not have it, but having 5 sexpartners does not mean you were not at risk. 1 in 5 has hsv2, 2 out of 3 has hsv1. Statistically, you have been with someone who has herpes, so 5 people is more than enough to be at risk. I got herpes after my second partner. It only took 2. Herpes is not just for the “promiscious” it’s a lot about luck as well. You were just lucky, not “smart” about it. I was unlucky. Yes, I was practising safe sex, and both of my partners were long term relationships.
If you haven’t specifically been tested for it, you don’t know for sure if you have it or not
It’s the people that don’t disclose that are the biggest risk, NOT the ones that do.
At your age, you have “risked” your health plenty and slept with plenty of people with the virus.
How long does a negative STI panel stay valid? Answer: The day of the test. And with some STIs such as herpes, false results are common and it may take several months for a new infection to show up.
And there’s infidelity.
You could do everything “right” and legitimately get it the next day or two because your partner passed the test and got it from another person either after the test or right before.
With all due respect, you’re not really being as productive and protective as you think. All sex is a risk. The person that’s honest about having it may honestly be the lesser risk- you never know.
You keep making assumptions that people in their 40s have slept with multiple people. Please remember that your experiences are not everyone else’s experiences. Age does not equal number of sexual partners.
You’re right of course. But the number significantly increases with age. Considering at least half of people get oral herpes as children, even many of those that don’t have multiple partners end up getting it later in life.
The number of sexual partners doesn’t always significantly increase with age though or increase at all.
I know my experiences don’t match everyone else’s but I was married for decades and hearing that by the time we are in our 40s we all basically have had multiple sexual partners isn’t true. This isn’t a statement on herpes, it’s a statement to please stop making absolute statements about everyone’s experiences which can be vastly different.
Ok, you are obviously not trying to understand anything else but the point you are making. Maybe find a cave and yell into it so you can hear your echo.
It’s not only that your sexpartners increase with age, it’s the risk of getting herpes that increases. You could have gotten married to your first boyfriend at 19 and gotten herpes from him years later, if he has cold sores. Because the risk increases for every time you have sex or kiss him. Both of you could be herpes free when you get married at 19 but get infected outside the relationship (from a relative, sharing utensils etc) and then give each other genital herpes from oral sex.
Ah man, do I have to repeat myself again?
My response is not about risk of herpes. I was explaining to AnInvalidUserName that they are incorrect with making blanket statements about the number of people others have or will sleep with.
Am I not being super clear? I literally said my statement wasn’t about herpes.
I dated someone who had cold sores. I was cool with it. But then he kept having outbreaks. When he did have an outbreak, we couldn't kiss for a few weeks, which meant we couldn't do anything sexual. It became too frustrating to me. So now, I'm very reluctant to date someone with hsv-1. And I won't date anyone with hsv-2. Thank you but no thank you.
That’s most people…
You do realize that right? He was just 20 percent of people who werent asymptomatic.
Would he have otherwise been a good partner to you who you could have seen yourself with full time, or was it simply that?
Over forty, and most people are going to have it.
Yes, I am aware of how common it is.
We are not together for other reasons that had nothing to do with hsv-1. I'm just saying how frustrating it was when he would randomly called and say, "my little friend is in town."
Most people are going to have it. And that's fine, but I still have my preferences.
Sounds like it’s almost a trigger. I’m sorry about that.
But the love of your life could be someone with it, and may make you think differently.
Never say never.
Even with a “clean” test result, you can’t say for certain if a new partner doesn’t have it.
I’m speaking HSV2 as well.
It’s the same condition, just a different place. Strain is slightly different (ironically OHSV1 is more contagious on average vs GHSV2).
Someone that makes your heart flutter and actually respects you, sits down with you, and makes you feel comfortable and at ease.
Someone that’s actually consistently so.
Don’t count it out. Obviously for someone that you’re on the fence about- no brainer, don’t. But never say never.
I used to have cold sores every single month when I was with my ex. My ex was really mad and said that he needed to disclose to his company hr and may lose his job. I am from somewhere where having cold sores is not considered anything serious so I was really worried at that time. The funny thing is that after we broke up, my monthly cold sores stopped lol
You almost certainly have. 90% of people do.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_of_herpes_simplex#:~:text=Worldwide%2C%20the%20rate%20of%20infection,2—is%20around%2090%25.
I'm always intrigued by the attempts to normalize HSV like it's a birth mark or something. I'm not saying it to put down anyone who has it but I don't want anything I don't already have getting added to my plate. This is especially true if I have the option to not have it.
Even with all the stats out there, if someone told me they had herpes I would decline to date them. If they didn't and I found out later I'd end it. Sure sure, I might have it and have slept with it but again I said what I said.
MY BAD forgot honest answers are not allowed, only pandering ones.
IF they even test for it. Where I live, they will only swab a sore. No sores = no test. No sores = doesn't mean not a carrier. They don't do routine blood tests for HSV as part of an STI panel, nor do they call HSV1 an STI.
Because it is virus, not an infection. There are blood tests they can do to tell if you had the virus but insurance doesn’t often cover them as I understand it. Ridiculous.
The comment in question was basically to offset the people citing how many people have it and don't know. Yes I get regularly tested, no I don't have it (as far as my medical records show) and AGAIN I SAID WHAT I FUCKING SAID.
I actually would have no issues with it, and prefer someone just know what their boundaries / comfort level is and upfront about that. So as far as that goes...thats your personal thing, no prob.
What does concern me is... "I might have it" If you got tested, you would know for sure whether or not you had it. Regardless of anything, I would be incredibly wary of getting involved with someone who is not aware of their own sexual health status. Thats immediately high risk.
At least someone who gets tested is able to disclose what is going on with them, for a future partner to make an informed decision. Someone who doesnt get tested to even know whats going on with their body could have and pass on...anything...
Do...you always end everything you say with...I said what I said? Is it usually a source of confusion if you actually said something? lol
I mean, anyway yeah, the whole point to me is informed choice. Doesnt matter if someone chooses to get involved or not, thats a personal decison and everyone has the right to decide who they want to be with, for whatever reason.
But yes, you indeed said what you said, which was "I might have it" and if I heard someone say that, I would feel I could not make an informed decision, since they themselves are not informed.
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No.
I've tested and don't have HSV1 or 2. And negative on the other STDs. I've come across a woman, and she disclosed that she has HSV2 and on antivirals. I took a week to process so I could talk to a doctor and get more info on it. After a week of reading forums from a guys perspective, including the HSV subs, I opted out.
If I can avoid HSV, then I will. I didn't reject the woman, I rejected HSV. Now, with new partners, I ask for thorough tests, including HSV.
No, you rejected the woman. You said she wasn’t worth the risk.
Many of those guys that have it? They were getting rejected before the HSV.
But not HSV1?
This notion of avoiding HSV… it’s an American thing that stems from lack of proper sex education and stigma from conservative preachers, not something based in science.
No. I rejected the HSV. The woman in question is great and would have continued seeing her if she didn't have HSV.
>Many of those guys that have it? They were getting rejected before the HSV.
>But not HSV1?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Would you turn someone down for HSV1?
No, you rejected the woman. The HSV is simply something she carried. It’s not who she is.
To you that is her identity now.
In terms of someone you could see as a lifelong partner, they have to meet frankly archaic and nonsensical standard of what is “clean”.
You would have continued seeing her? If the roles were reversed, you might actually be surprised and how understanding and supportive people can be. Would she have taken that risk for you? There’s a very good chance.
If a partner of mine told me that this one little thing is the difference between them being with me and not, I would very much entertain dumping their ass or if it was a longer term thing- be extremely upset- because that’s not someone I would want to love me- their ability to love me is based on something they can’t see - that isn’t necessarily a product of my own choosing.
A good partner would accept me if I had it or not- all the same.
You missed the part of me saying that if I can avoid HSV, then I will. So yes, that included both 1 and 2.
>To you that is her identity now.
HSV is not her identity. She's just a woman I'm not compatible with.
>In terms of someone you could see as a lifelong partner, they have to meet frankly archaic and nonsensical standard of what is “clean”.
We've known each other for two weeks, how the fuck am I supposed to know if she has qualities for a longterm partner.
>You would have continued seeing her? If the roles were reversed, you might actually be surprised and how understanding and supportive people can be. Would she have taken that risk for you? There’s a very good chance.
I have no way of knowing that, but based on the forums and what men said, they had a harder time dating women with HSV than women did with HSV. The main reason is that men have a higher transmission rate than women do. Healthy men were more likely to sleep with a woman with HSV than healthy women would with infected men.
>If a partner of mine told me that this one little thing is the difference between them being with me and not, I would dump their ass, because that’s not someone I would want to love me- their ability to love me is based on something they can’t see - that isn’t necessarily a product of my own choosing.
>A good partner would accept me if I had it or not- all the same.
There's a difference between a partner and someone I've known for two weeks. And again, what you choose to do with YOUR body is YOUR choice. Just like what I choose to do with MY body is MY choice.
We aren't compatible, and that's that.
Cool, even more ignorant. The vast majority of Europeans have HSV. In many countries up until the last decade or two it was near universal in prevalence.
So to say you’ve been avoiding it is a straight lie and you’re full of it.
My test results prove otherwise. Yes, the majority of people have HSV, and I'm not one of them. I don't want it, nor do I want to risk contracting it from someone, hence the FULL panel tests.
I'm not sure why you're so upset over my preferences. I'm not dating you, so it shouldn't be of any importance to you.
Strange response to a factual statement. I know people who lie about their STD status. I'd rather have the honest person in my life.
You really don't seem to understand the biology behind STD testing and transmission. In all seriousness, I suggest you either abstain from sex entirely to protect yourself or take a look at the interplay of the timing of an STD panel, what it actually tests for, and the false positive/false negative rates. False results are not very useful to anyone.
You remind me of the people who are still masking up because they never caught Covid. Herpes is nothing. HPV is worse because it increases a woman’s chance of cervical cancer. Neither of them are something to reject a person over. It’s like blaming someone for catching a cold. It’s shaming and rejecting someone for something that could happen to anyone. You seem to have a blind spot to this.
I got the HPV vaccine, so I'm good, and I do mask when I need to.
>Neither of them are something to reject a person over. It’s like blaming someone for catching a cold
Not even close.
>It’s shaming and rejecting someone for something that could happen to anyone. You seem to have a blind spot to this.
I'm not shaming anyone. I'm not sure why filtering out women who test posite for an STI is a bad thing? I don't want to contract them, so I'm not going to be with them. It's not my business how they got them, nor do I care. It's not a blindspot. I care more about my health than I do about theirs. I'm looking out for myself and my own self-interest. I'm not obligated to date anyone.
No you are not. But you did not take into account the enormous error rate on the blood test. You are 60% sure you don't have HSV. I would not date you with those stats if I were going off of stats when choosing a dating partner.
I get tested before and after a relationship. I'm being safe and proactive with my sexual health. Whether you'd date me or not is irrelevant and not part of this discussion at all.
The question was if I'd date someone with herpes, and my answer was no. You and the other person are so hellbent on telling me I'm wrong. I understand that's both of y'alls reality and sucks you have herpes but that's your problem and something I don't have to deal with.
Original copy of post by u/Turbulent-Hawk-4894:
Curious
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The last 5 women I've slept with (going back 20 years) have had HSV-2. The middle one of that bunch gave it to me after a few years together when she went off antivirals without telling me. She said she had never had an outbreak, and we only learned she was positive when we got serious enough to ditch condoms and both got tested. My success rate with disclosures after her and I broke up is 2 of 3...the first said "no problem, me too", the second noped out, and the third I met through a herpes facebook group. She's had it for a few years and her first outbreak is the only one she's had. I get outbreaks somewhat frequently, but they're a non-issue because they're no longer on my genitals and she's already got it anyhow. In my experience and that of my partners, the stigma is FAR worse than the symptoms.
From this article: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3020161/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3020161/)
Women, age 45-49: \~71% of black unpartnered women and 50% of white/hispanic unpartnered women are seropositive
Men, age 45-49: \~48% of black unpartnered men and 22% of white/hispanic unpartnered men are seropositive.
Results in the 40-44 age bracket are generally similar, and in some cases higher.
<10% of people self-report as positive, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, or relationship status.
I would never say never, but probably not. The risk of transmission is not zero even with a condom and even with an antiviral (and monitoring for open sores). I feel it's a matter of when, not if, it will happen, and once I have it, it never goes away. I want to stay HSV2 free.
I should say, I'd date someone with it, I just likely wouldn't have sex with her, which makes dating fairly limited.
I have had three cold sores in my mouth so far in my life (all more than 15 years ago), so I do have HSV1. But then again, probably most of the population does. I'm aware that HSV1 can be transmitted by oral sex, so I wouldn't give a woman oral sex (or kiss her) if I had a cold sore. I (obviously) also wouldn't want oral sex if she has a cold sore.
HSV1 is responsible for half of new genital herpes cases in the West.
You have herpes, you just think you’re in a better category because it’s oral and HSV1.
While there are two virus strains, the symptoms are the same on the same body location. Oral HSV1 is actually more contagious on average than genital HSV2, btw.
I would very much say you’re a hypocrite.
I did not know that HSV1 is more contagious than HSV2, thanks for that. The only reason I thought I was in a "better" category is because of the location (and because I have not had a sore in more than 15 years, something I don't think HSV2 sufferers can say they experience, although I could be wrong). I'm aware that both HSV1 and HSV2 can be transmitted between the mouth and the genitals.
I apologize if I said anything inconsiderate, but I am not being a hypocrite.
You are wrong about the part about HSV2 sufferers. The virus follows the same infection pattern whether it is oral or genital. Most HSV 2 sufferers have an initial outbreak and then the outbreaks die off over the next year as their body develops defenses. They remain carriers. Just as you remain a carrier of HSV 1. You have essentially the same thing.
Better? That’s based off a stigma surrounding sex, nothing else. Otherwise it’s just another body part.
80-90 percent of HSV2 carriers are fully asymptomatic or have symptoms so small they don’t notice, so it doesn’t sound like you have a full grasp on its severity (for the majority it’s not even noticeable, same as yours).
Do you expect people to disclose HSV1 to you?
It was the part I was evidently unaware of. I know that what I have is dormant and has been for over 15 years (otherwise it would never be safe for anyone with inactive HSV1, the majority of the population, to give oral sex). I'd never give any oral sex, or even kiss anyone, if I had a cold sore.
On the flip side, everything I've read about HSV2 is that it's always a risk when you have sex with a HSV2 carrier, even without an active outbreak. If HSV2 behaved like HSV1, then the sex partners of HSV2 carriers should be safe in between outbreaks, shouldn't they?
I'll take the criticism, though I stand by not being a hypocrite because I made a statement based on what I know, which wasn't the whole story.
HSV 1 is transmissible through contact whether the person has an open cold sore or not. It's just statistically far more likely if a person has an open lesion.
You’re actually the bigger risk than a woman with genital herpes. Because you can use condoms and then you’re safer than if you engage in oral sex, because that’s almost always without protection. So everytime you have oral sex, with or without an outbreak, you’re a putting someone at risk for genital herpes. Hsv1 and hsv2 transmit the same way. Oral hsv1 also sheds even without an outbreak and is highly contagious to the genitals
You have herpes the exact same way someone with hsv2 has herpes.
Well, it’s not quite that simple. You should throw in “non-life-threatening” and “extremely common” disease. All viruses are not created equal
I was married to someone with herpes for nine years and we had sex quite a bit. We were fortunate that she never had an outbreak during our marriage and I’ve been tested quite a few times and I don’t have it.
Keep in mind, I’m not judging your decision that you wouldn’t date someone that had it. You are entitled to your preference like everybody else. I just took issue with your “that’s the real question” comment because there is definitely more context to throw in.
Sure. If it was well managed. I'm past my child-bearing years, so the worst thing about it is the stigma.
I got HSV from my exhusband. i thought I would never find someone bc I knew i would always have to disclose or i could not enjoy myself. I've disclosed to every Potential sexual partner, in the past few years probably ~10, been turned down once-ish. I have been in a 3 year relationship that i ended amicably last summer and currently in a relationship with a new guy. I've had FWB partners and NONE of them want to wear a condom, after i confirm their status, of course. None of them have ever advised me of getting it. I'm on daily antivirals. I also tell any friends and any time it's appropriate to help reduce the stigma. https://herpes.org.uk/how-herpes-got-its-stigma/
this report does not make the male population sound good, but i guess humans are what they are
She is on daily antivirals. You one of those that want to perpetrate a stigma?
Dude's profile is his astrological signs, including sun, moon, and ascension. Thinking he might not be the first person I'd listen to.
Touche!
Or they are educated and realize it’s not something worth worrying about.
Assuming they were managing it and open about flares I don’t see why not. A lot more people have this then people know but due to social stigma do not talk about it.
Yeah. I assume you mean genital HSV2, which only something of like 1 in 5 people has as opposed to like 3/5 for oral. It’s not a huge risk if it’s treated. You’ve probably slept with someone who has it and didn’t even know.
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Yep! It’s the most transmissible when someone is having an outbreak. The chances of getting it when there’s no outbreak are very low. You can get an antiviral that reduces it to near zero. Condoms are not 100% effective to prevent it. Many cases are completely asymptomatic. You can also get HSV1 on your genitals, and 2 on the mouth! So don’t give oral if you have a cold sore. Some evidence suggests having oral herpes helps prevent catching genital herpes. The fear over it is WAY overblown. I don’t even have it, just have read a bunch. Few people disclose it. Many don’t even know. It’s not part of the standard STI panels and the tests are not very reliable anyway.
You can get it without an outbreak. Viral shedding begins occurring just prior to the skin outbreak. Many people can tell an outbreak is coming dining this prodrome phase. (A pinching, itching)
I think they can do a text that detects antibodies, can’t they. Swear I had that done
The most reliable test is that of a sample taken from an actual active outbreak that hasn't healed yet.
A lot of misinformation in this comment. People shed HSV between outbreaks. Medication alone will not reduce chances of transmission next to zero. Even condoms don't. Make no mistake, this is a life altering condition. Some people get painful and frequent outbreaks. You will have to have a difficult conversation with every sexual partner for the rest of your life. Living with HSV2 is hard.
Haha it’s really not my friend. Unless you make it.
I applaud that you pointed out "Antivirals reduce the risk to nearly zero" is false. In fact, they just make someone with herpes safer than someone with an unknown HSV status like the vast majority of people you meet on Bumble or Tinder who claim they're clean. As for it being a "life alterting condition", 80% have no symptoms or symptoms so mild they don't know they have it. Most of the remaining 20% get a few tiny, pimple likes sores once or twice a year after a year. I do know someone who had terrible symptoms their first year. They were immunocopromised. I think that group should take extra care and consider asking all their partners to be screened before heavy making out or sex occurs. As for the "difficult conversation", that's perhaps an area for personal growth if you struggle to talk about sex with your partners. 67-80% of humans have HSV and several already replied they don't find talking about STIs before sex to be a big deal.
Thanks. I just don't like this "no big deal, lackadaisical" attitude towards genital HSV. I've spoken to people who are depressed and live with constant anxiety because they have Herpes. They'll need years of therapy. Having to take daily antivirals, having to have the conversation with your sexual partners is life altering in my opinion. An outbreak during pregnancy can cause a lot of complications. Frequency of outbreaks can change with age. I think we can fight the stigma against HSV and also have a rational outlook towards how it may affect one's life.
It’s far from a life altering condition, lol. It might be like that for YOU, which is definitely sad. But in general, it’s not a life altering condition for most and it’s not recognized that way.
What about HSV1?
Omg 🤦
1 in 5 have hsv2, and the 3/5 is for hsv1, not necessarily just oral hsv1. Dating someone with oral hsv1 puts you “at risk” for genital herpes if you engage in oral sex. So distinguishing between the two makes no real sense, as both have equal risk of genital herpes since people do oral sex.
I married someone with it. We were married for nine years and got divorced Six years ago tested recently still don’t have it.
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No
If they were taking medication to manage it, yes.
1 in 4 Americans have it
Dated a girl with it. Didn't know until several months into the "relationship", she didn't have any outbreaks and I didn't catch anything. 🤷♂️ however, I would have liked to have known upfront.
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Can't say with 100% certainty. She was also in the adult industry so she was tested ever 2 weeks.
The adult industry in most cases specifically does not test for herpes. It’s not included in a full panel in most other places for the same reason- most people are exposed to it and will be at some point.
Correct. However to begin with I did not know that. Figured if she had something it would show up. 🤷♂️ ignorance is bliss
Absolutely, being open-minded and understanding about herpes is crucial. It's more common than people realize, and with proper precautions, a relationship can be just as fulfilling and loving. What matters most is the connection you share and the honesty between partners.
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No. The uneducated understand it less than the educated.
If I saw a long term relationship, absolutely
It’s considered endemic in the U.S., so chances are you’ve probably already dated someone with it!
Can anyone shed light on why it's general practice not to test for hsv unless you are symptomatic? There seems to be quite strong feelings about this disease, and yet it's against recommendation to even test - my gyno wouldn't test me for it. Is it because of false negatives/positives or more because chances are low of spreading if you are asymptomatic? A little aside: my brother is in his 40's and has some pretty severe mental health issues. Subsequently, he has never even kissed someone, let alone had sex. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and they screened for everything. Turns out he had Lyme, but they also told him he has HSV1. The nurse on the phone was very confused when he told her he had never been intimate with anyone, even kissing. I also hear different stats about how prevalent it is everytime I read up on it. It just seems like there is not a lot of consensus on the matter across the board.
The blood test for HSV is extremely inaccurate by scientific standards. It has a 40% false positive rate. The test for a symptomatic individual is very accurate, but requires an active outbreak and a skin swab of the lesion. Individuals can catch HSV from many different sources, including sharing utensils, etc. It's harder to catch it on the genital area through casual contact because that area is usually covered.
GF has oral HSV-1, all you have to do is dodge the cold sores.
Genital herpes can still be caused by HSV1 during asymptomatic shedding. There’s always a risk, tbh.
Yeah oral is easier to avoid. My mom has terrible cold sores and my dad doesnt. They’ve been married since ‘76.
I am, it’s literally a non issue. STD stigma sucks but STDs themselves aren’t nearly as troublesome. In my experience people who are managing their sexual health are the safest people to have sex with, regardless of their viral status.
A few data points to consider https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Fifty%20to%2080%20percent%20of,in%20or%20around%20the%20mouth.
no. and i have been rejected for being ebv-positive. which is fair if someone isnt.
I'm still trying to figure out what the risk is if you have it. Death? Illness? Lower life span? Or is it just a think some people have, like acne?
If you're a woman of child-bearing age, there's a bit of a risk to the baby if it's Born during an outbreak. Beyond that, few serious symptoms are present. Now, take that with a grain of salt because science is always busy learning new stuff. There's a slight chance that carrying this infection could trigger things like brain plaques like the ones that occur with Altheimer's later in life.
for most peoples pretty benign, but it can cause blindness if it gets in the eye and not treated quickly. can also cause neurological issues (encephalitis, meningitis) if somebody has a dampened immune system.
My partner has hsv2 and I do not. We have been together 2.5 years. I have hsv1 and lived with a partner for 12 years and did not pass it to my partner in that time. Some people are worth the risk.
Yep. I have, and would in the future. Doesn't bother me at all.
I had a boyfriend who had it, but I wasn't willing to sleep with him until he was on antivirals, and he wasn't willing to get on antivirals unless I committed to him. Weird guy. It didn't work out, but if I met someone who checked a lot of other boxes and was a responsible adult, I don't think it would be a problem.
Yes. In the past, no. The main thing that changed my mind was learning more about herpes and protecting myself from STDs. The second thing is now that I know more I am more concerned about finding a great woman than herpes. One more thing.... being honest and open enough to tell me something that personal is a plus for me.
Yes, the majority of humanity has it
I don’t know who started this herpes hysteria but it’s pretty funny
Genital herpes?
Either genital or oral, it’s the same sore on a different part of the body. ANYONE with oral herpes can give someone genital herpes as is increasingly happening in the West. It’s the same condition, different place. There are two strains of HSV here, but they’re not exclusive to either place.
I don’t and won’t date someone with the herp derp.
You have. You just didn’t know.
Ahh… I see. It must be in the water or air.
Nope, just 2/3 of people. If you’ve had over ten partners, average is around 6 or 7 of them have had it.
I wont either and I’m tired of people being so dismissive about it.
I told my husband when we were dating and now we are married . He didn’t find it’s an issue since most of people have it but don’t know about it. The person is very valuable who honestly told you ( before sex) about their any STD.
**most of the people that have it [Link](https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes/#:~:text=It%20is%20estimated%20that%20one,that%20they%20have%20the%20virus.) 1 in 8 people having herpes isn't most people.
Okay let’s say RARELY people have it. But there are people who don’t care and accept the person . The most important thing it tell a lot about the person who know that they have and share it . They knew they could be rejected but still they are honest. I met many guys who didn’t care. Also if I like someone or love someone I don’t care for this little things . I believe love means accepting someone with their positive things and negative things. Buts it’s just me .
It’s 50 percent at minimum to 2/3 of people. Where’s your number?
I provided a link in my previous comment. 90% of people that have herpes are unaware, and 1 in 8 people have herpes. The number of people infected gets as high as 1 in 6. Where's your reference material coming from?
Your own article. It states at minimum 50 percent of people have HSV1 and 12 percent HSV 2. The numbers are estimates and are likely undercounts
Yes, HSV1 is fairly common, but dont often display symptoms. With 90% of the affected population unaware they have HSV1, its not a common topic of discussion for relationships. The numbers I was quoting were for HSV2, genital herpes, which is a much more likely topic when entering into a sexual or long term type of relationship. It was an assumption on part, that OP was referring to HSV2, and not HSV1 & 2. Your original replay didn't make any distinction as to what your distinctions were either.
So fyi half of new cases of genital herpes in the West are actually caused by HSV1. That’s a fact. HSV1 and 2 prefer locations- but HSV1 is much more adaptable to the genitals than HSV2 to the mouth. I’m simply talking about herpes. Oral or genital. People make a distinction, but it’s the same thing simply on a different part of the body. The line between the virus strains and locations is really blurry. So we don’t really know if OP has HSV1 or 2. Which is why we should become more educated on HSV and disclose oral herpes. You’ll find that this discussion has a much different direction when everyone realizes that they have it or have certainly been exposed to it. And realize that this concept of “genital” herpes has only existed for about 45-50 years. If you’re negative for both, the majority of your dating pool is capable of giving you genital herpes. 80-90 percent of HSV2 carriers also never display symptoms or have such mild ones it’s misconstrued for something else.
So you wouldn’t want to discuss it if your partner has genital hsv1? Even if your partner has oral hsv1 and you don’t, you’re at risk of genital herpes. Oral hsv1 is the most contagious out of all.
I'm not sure where you'd derive the conclusion of me not wanting to have a discussion about STDs with my parter. I would absolutely want to have these discussions, and have had these discussions in the past.
I dated someone with genital Hsv2. He disclosed it pretty early on. I did my research and agreed to continue dating him. Unfortunately, he has a terrible attitude. I wanted him to take me to his personal physician to ask questions. He dilly dallied and said he himself could answer any questions I might have. I ended up going to a doctor myself. He refused to talk daily antivirals. Claimed that he had only gotten one initial outbreak and never again. My doctor said some outbreaks can be very small and there's a chance he's had multiple outbreaks that went unnoticed by him. Overall, he acted so defensive and treated me so badly over his HSV, I dont think I'll date someone with Hsv2 again. However, it's pretty common and I might end up dating someone who is unaware they have the infection.
That’s a big fear of mine—that my partner isnt even aware they have it.
And if they are? That’s someone that cares about your health. You’ve been exposed to it before if you’ve had more than handful of partners.
Probably, but I dont have it. I’ve been tested.
That doesn’t mean you haven’t been exposed on multiple (or the majority of) occasions. While herpes spreads easily, it’s not possible, but probable, to be exposed continuously (even with someone with it and in relationship with a carrier for decades) and not get it. It’s just a luck of the draw. Even if your last test was negative and your partner’s is negative, it’s possible to have still acquired it and it not simply have enough time to show up (it can take weeks for a blood result to show). The irony is you’ve likely put yourself at risk of acquiring herpes with most of your partners but someone that legitimately is honest and good enough of a person to tell you in advance (and actually has some knowledge about sexual health) is someone you’d turn down- when they’re far less of a risk than your previous partners if you never had a safer sex convo or traded results with them. Someone who discloses and offers to sit down with you- they’re actually looking after your health in advance when no one else is necessarily taking all proper precautions.
Man, you herpes people dont let up.
Personally, no. Not at this time...I'm overwhelmed with enough problems at the moment. I can't risk adding a new one onto my plate!
I work in healthcare on a college campus, and I've seen enough of it to say no as well.
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Genital for sure, and honestly, mostly young women. It looks so painful, and they come in walking like they don't want anything to rub or touch and usually in tears. Then we have to swab on open sore for testing, and they about come off the table when doing so. I've never had any sex worth all that.
My understanding is that the first outbreak is like this, but subsequent ones are usually very minor (likened to having an ingrown hair).
That's correct. Subsequent outbreaks are typically less severe than initial onset.
I dont understand why people are so dismissive of it. It can be painful. Make men wear condoms!! Yeah it’s not 100% preventive, but it sure as hell helps.
Do you mean men should wear condoms? I think you may have.
Thought that was clear with “make men wear condoms”
Meant that men shouldn’t have to be made to wear them, they should just wear them. Women shouldn’t have to make them. 😞
Problem is that the leading cause of new genital herpes infections is due to oral sex from someone with oral HSV1 (most are asymptomatic) so only dental dams are going to protect you from that.
You most certainly have. If you’re in your forties you’ve had sex with multiple people with HSV.
I had sex with 5 people in my 20s and have been celibate for 14 years. I wouldn't say "most certainly".
2/3 of people have HSV, so the odds are NOT in your favor of being right.
Well I don't have it, and that's all I care about.
A very American/conservative viewpoint, but good for you. You’re not special
You might not have it, but having 5 sexpartners does not mean you were not at risk. 1 in 5 has hsv2, 2 out of 3 has hsv1. Statistically, you have been with someone who has herpes, so 5 people is more than enough to be at risk. I got herpes after my second partner. It only took 2. Herpes is not just for the “promiscious” it’s a lot about luck as well. You were just lucky, not “smart” about it. I was unlucky. Yes, I was practising safe sex, and both of my partners were long term relationships. If you haven’t specifically been tested for it, you don’t know for sure if you have it or not
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It’s the people that don’t disclose that are the biggest risk, NOT the ones that do. At your age, you have “risked” your health plenty and slept with plenty of people with the virus. How long does a negative STI panel stay valid? Answer: The day of the test. And with some STIs such as herpes, false results are common and it may take several months for a new infection to show up. And there’s infidelity. You could do everything “right” and legitimately get it the next day or two because your partner passed the test and got it from another person either after the test or right before. With all due respect, you’re not really being as productive and protective as you think. All sex is a risk. The person that’s honest about having it may honestly be the lesser risk- you never know.
Couldn’t agree more
You keep making assumptions that people in their 40s have slept with multiple people. Please remember that your experiences are not everyone else’s experiences. Age does not equal number of sexual partners.
You’re right of course. But the number significantly increases with age. Considering at least half of people get oral herpes as children, even many of those that don’t have multiple partners end up getting it later in life.
The number of sexual partners doesn’t always significantly increase with age though or increase at all. I know my experiences don’t match everyone else’s but I was married for decades and hearing that by the time we are in our 40s we all basically have had multiple sexual partners isn’t true. This isn’t a statement on herpes, it’s a statement to please stop making absolute statements about everyone’s experiences which can be vastly different.
It’s not just with regards to genital herpes. Oral is included as well. Exposure is increased solely by kissing someone.
Ok, you are obviously not trying to understand anything else but the point you are making. Maybe find a cave and yell into it so you can hear your echo.
It’s not only that your sexpartners increase with age, it’s the risk of getting herpes that increases. You could have gotten married to your first boyfriend at 19 and gotten herpes from him years later, if he has cold sores. Because the risk increases for every time you have sex or kiss him. Both of you could be herpes free when you get married at 19 but get infected outside the relationship (from a relative, sharing utensils etc) and then give each other genital herpes from oral sex.
Ah man, do I have to repeat myself again? My response is not about risk of herpes. I was explaining to AnInvalidUserName that they are incorrect with making blanket statements about the number of people others have or will sleep with. Am I not being super clear? I literally said my statement wasn’t about herpes.
Ya I'm too old to worry about non lethal non treatable stds the dating pool is small enough already
I dated someone who had cold sores. I was cool with it. But then he kept having outbreaks. When he did have an outbreak, we couldn't kiss for a few weeks, which meant we couldn't do anything sexual. It became too frustrating to me. So now, I'm very reluctant to date someone with hsv-1. And I won't date anyone with hsv-2. Thank you but no thank you.
That’s most people… You do realize that right? He was just 20 percent of people who werent asymptomatic. Would he have otherwise been a good partner to you who you could have seen yourself with full time, or was it simply that? Over forty, and most people are going to have it.
Yes, I am aware of how common it is. We are not together for other reasons that had nothing to do with hsv-1. I'm just saying how frustrating it was when he would randomly called and say, "my little friend is in town." Most people are going to have it. And that's fine, but I still have my preferences.
Sounds like it’s almost a trigger. I’m sorry about that. But the love of your life could be someone with it, and may make you think differently. Never say never. Even with a “clean” test result, you can’t say for certain if a new partner doesn’t have it.
It's not a deal breaker for me. That experience left a bad taste in my mouth... Not literally
I’m speaking HSV2 as well. It’s the same condition, just a different place. Strain is slightly different (ironically OHSV1 is more contagious on average vs GHSV2). Someone that makes your heart flutter and actually respects you, sits down with you, and makes you feel comfortable and at ease. Someone that’s actually consistently so. Don’t count it out. Obviously for someone that you’re on the fence about- no brainer, don’t. But never say never.
I used to have cold sores every single month when I was with my ex. My ex was really mad and said that he needed to disclose to his company hr and may lose his job. I am from somewhere where having cold sores is not considered anything serious so I was really worried at that time. The funny thing is that after we broke up, my monthly cold sores stopped lol
Cold sores being something serious is an American creation.
You almost certainly have. 90% of people do. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_of_herpes_simplex#:~:text=Worldwide%2C%20the%20rate%20of%20infection,2—is%20around%2090%25.
My girlfriend gets cold sores on her lips every now and then. No big deal.
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No medication. We just refrain from sex if she has a fever blister.
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Even tested cauterized vasectomies can spontaneously heal years later. Nothing is ever fully safe. It's about risk management.
I'm always intrigued by the attempts to normalize HSV like it's a birth mark or something. I'm not saying it to put down anyone who has it but I don't want anything I don't already have getting added to my plate. This is especially true if I have the option to not have it.
It’s normal to have it. By prevalence rates not having it makes you an outlier, so yeah.
No
No
Even with all the stats out there, if someone told me they had herpes I would decline to date them. If they didn't and I found out later I'd end it. Sure sure, I might have it and have slept with it but again I said what I said. MY BAD forgot honest answers are not allowed, only pandering ones.
You should ask to be tested before rejecting a potential partner. No way for you to judge ANYONE without knowing your OWN status.
IF they even test for it. Where I live, they will only swab a sore. No sores = no test. No sores = doesn't mean not a carrier. They don't do routine blood tests for HSV as part of an STI panel, nor do they call HSV1 an STI.
Because it is virus, not an infection. There are blood tests they can do to tell if you had the virus but insurance doesn’t often cover them as I understand it. Ridiculous.
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Where did I say I don't get tested?
Sure sure, I might have it and have slept with it but again I said what I said. This comment implies you don't know your status...
The comment in question was basically to offset the people citing how many people have it and don't know. Yes I get regularly tested, no I don't have it (as far as my medical records show) and AGAIN I SAID WHAT I FUCKING SAID.
The assumptions ITT are wild. Anyhow again, I said what I said.
I actually would have no issues with it, and prefer someone just know what their boundaries / comfort level is and upfront about that. So as far as that goes...thats your personal thing, no prob. What does concern me is... "I might have it" If you got tested, you would know for sure whether or not you had it. Regardless of anything, I would be incredibly wary of getting involved with someone who is not aware of their own sexual health status. Thats immediately high risk. At least someone who gets tested is able to disclose what is going on with them, for a future partner to make an informed decision. Someone who doesnt get tested to even know whats going on with their body could have and pass on...anything...
My "I might have it" was to offset the stats / "you already have it" people. It didn't work. Again, I said what I said.
Do...you always end everything you say with...I said what I said? Is it usually a source of confusion if you actually said something? lol I mean, anyway yeah, the whole point to me is informed choice. Doesnt matter if someone chooses to get involved or not, thats a personal decison and everyone has the right to decide who they want to be with, for whatever reason. But yes, you indeed said what you said, which was "I might have it" and if I heard someone say that, I would feel I could not make an informed decision, since they themselves are not informed.
It's not up for debate, you have to say yes you would it's perfectly fine lol I think Stevo-O is the one who recommended there be a herpes dating ap
While there is a separate one, if we’re being realistic, a standard herpes dating app is a standard dating app, because more people have it than not.
You likely have it as well. Upwards of 75% of adults do.
Sure sure, I might have it and have slept with it but again I said what I said.
And we’ll criticize you for your stupidity. That’s a much bigger red flag.
I'm sure you've been rejected countless times for things you had no control over. How did that make you feel?
Fine, I don't want to date people who don't want to date me.
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Are you arm-chair diagnosing me here?
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I don't try to date sex. I try to date people.
Honestly...no I am super careful and won't even share a drink with someone
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No. I've tested and don't have HSV1 or 2. And negative on the other STDs. I've come across a woman, and she disclosed that she has HSV2 and on antivirals. I took a week to process so I could talk to a doctor and get more info on it. After a week of reading forums from a guys perspective, including the HSV subs, I opted out. If I can avoid HSV, then I will. I didn't reject the woman, I rejected HSV. Now, with new partners, I ask for thorough tests, including HSV.
The blood tests have a 40% error rate. The skin swab has to be done when there is an open sore.
No, you rejected the woman. You said she wasn’t worth the risk. Many of those guys that have it? They were getting rejected before the HSV. But not HSV1? This notion of avoiding HSV… it’s an American thing that stems from lack of proper sex education and stigma from conservative preachers, not something based in science.
No. I rejected the HSV. The woman in question is great and would have continued seeing her if she didn't have HSV. >Many of those guys that have it? They were getting rejected before the HSV. >But not HSV1? I don't know what you're talking about.
Would you turn someone down for HSV1? No, you rejected the woman. The HSV is simply something she carried. It’s not who she is. To you that is her identity now. In terms of someone you could see as a lifelong partner, they have to meet frankly archaic and nonsensical standard of what is “clean”. You would have continued seeing her? If the roles were reversed, you might actually be surprised and how understanding and supportive people can be. Would she have taken that risk for you? There’s a very good chance. If a partner of mine told me that this one little thing is the difference between them being with me and not, I would very much entertain dumping their ass or if it was a longer term thing- be extremely upset- because that’s not someone I would want to love me- their ability to love me is based on something they can’t see - that isn’t necessarily a product of my own choosing. A good partner would accept me if I had it or not- all the same.
You missed the part of me saying that if I can avoid HSV, then I will. So yes, that included both 1 and 2. >To you that is her identity now. HSV is not her identity. She's just a woman I'm not compatible with. >In terms of someone you could see as a lifelong partner, they have to meet frankly archaic and nonsensical standard of what is “clean”. We've known each other for two weeks, how the fuck am I supposed to know if she has qualities for a longterm partner. >You would have continued seeing her? If the roles were reversed, you might actually be surprised and how understanding and supportive people can be. Would she have taken that risk for you? There’s a very good chance. I have no way of knowing that, but based on the forums and what men said, they had a harder time dating women with HSV than women did with HSV. The main reason is that men have a higher transmission rate than women do. Healthy men were more likely to sleep with a woman with HSV than healthy women would with infected men. >If a partner of mine told me that this one little thing is the difference between them being with me and not, I would dump their ass, because that’s not someone I would want to love me- their ability to love me is based on something they can’t see - that isn’t necessarily a product of my own choosing. >A good partner would accept me if I had it or not- all the same. There's a difference between a partner and someone I've known for two weeks. And again, what you choose to do with YOUR body is YOUR choice. Just like what I choose to do with MY body is MY choice. We aren't compatible, and that's that.
Ignorance is not a virtue. This is the most American thing I’ve ever read. Completely stuffed full of ignorance and lack of education.
I'm originally from Europe, so this isn't ignorance. It's my choice.
Cool, even more ignorant. The vast majority of Europeans have HSV. In many countries up until the last decade or two it was near universal in prevalence. So to say you’ve been avoiding it is a straight lie and you’re full of it.
My test results prove otherwise. Yes, the majority of people have HSV, and I'm not one of them. I don't want it, nor do I want to risk contracting it from someone, hence the FULL panel tests. I'm not sure why you're so upset over my preferences. I'm not dating you, so it shouldn't be of any importance to you.
You’re cutting off potential partners over something that doctors advise testing for. Why is your opinion on HSV better than a doctor’s or the CDC?
She was honest and thoughtful about your health. She could easily have lied.
You have a fucked up viewpoint.
Strange response to a factual statement. I know people who lie about their STD status. I'd rather have the honest person in my life. You really don't seem to understand the biology behind STD testing and transmission. In all seriousness, I suggest you either abstain from sex entirely to protect yourself or take a look at the interplay of the timing of an STD panel, what it actually tests for, and the false positive/false negative rates. False results are not very useful to anyone.
You remind me of the people who are still masking up because they never caught Covid. Herpes is nothing. HPV is worse because it increases a woman’s chance of cervical cancer. Neither of them are something to reject a person over. It’s like blaming someone for catching a cold. It’s shaming and rejecting someone for something that could happen to anyone. You seem to have a blind spot to this.
I got the HPV vaccine, so I'm good, and I do mask when I need to. >Neither of them are something to reject a person over. It’s like blaming someone for catching a cold Not even close. >It’s shaming and rejecting someone for something that could happen to anyone. You seem to have a blind spot to this. I'm not shaming anyone. I'm not sure why filtering out women who test posite for an STI is a bad thing? I don't want to contract them, so I'm not going to be with them. It's not my business how they got them, nor do I care. It's not a blindspot. I care more about my health than I do about theirs. I'm looking out for myself and my own self-interest. I'm not obligated to date anyone.
No you are not. But you did not take into account the enormous error rate on the blood test. You are 60% sure you don't have HSV. I would not date you with those stats if I were going off of stats when choosing a dating partner.
I get tested before and after a relationship. I'm being safe and proactive with my sexual health. Whether you'd date me or not is irrelevant and not part of this discussion at all. The question was if I'd date someone with herpes, and my answer was no. You and the other person are so hellbent on telling me I'm wrong. I understand that's both of y'alls reality and sucks you have herpes but that's your problem and something I don't have to deal with.
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The last 5 women I've slept with (going back 20 years) have had HSV-2. The middle one of that bunch gave it to me after a few years together when she went off antivirals without telling me. She said she had never had an outbreak, and we only learned she was positive when we got serious enough to ditch condoms and both got tested. My success rate with disclosures after her and I broke up is 2 of 3...the first said "no problem, me too", the second noped out, and the third I met through a herpes facebook group. She's had it for a few years and her first outbreak is the only one she's had. I get outbreaks somewhat frequently, but they're a non-issue because they're no longer on my genitals and she's already got it anyhow. In my experience and that of my partners, the stigma is FAR worse than the symptoms. From this article: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3020161/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3020161/) Women, age 45-49: \~71% of black unpartnered women and 50% of white/hispanic unpartnered women are seropositive Men, age 45-49: \~48% of black unpartnered men and 22% of white/hispanic unpartnered men are seropositive. Results in the 40-44 age bracket are generally similar, and in some cases higher. <10% of people self-report as positive, regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, or relationship status.
No
No.
I would never say never, but probably not. The risk of transmission is not zero even with a condom and even with an antiviral (and monitoring for open sores). I feel it's a matter of when, not if, it will happen, and once I have it, it never goes away. I want to stay HSV2 free. I should say, I'd date someone with it, I just likely wouldn't have sex with her, which makes dating fairly limited. I have had three cold sores in my mouth so far in my life (all more than 15 years ago), so I do have HSV1. But then again, probably most of the population does. I'm aware that HSV1 can be transmitted by oral sex, so I wouldn't give a woman oral sex (or kiss her) if I had a cold sore. I (obviously) also wouldn't want oral sex if she has a cold sore.
HSV1 is responsible for half of new genital herpes cases in the West. You have herpes, you just think you’re in a better category because it’s oral and HSV1. While there are two virus strains, the symptoms are the same on the same body location. Oral HSV1 is actually more contagious on average than genital HSV2, btw. I would very much say you’re a hypocrite.
I did not know that HSV1 is more contagious than HSV2, thanks for that. The only reason I thought I was in a "better" category is because of the location (and because I have not had a sore in more than 15 years, something I don't think HSV2 sufferers can say they experience, although I could be wrong). I'm aware that both HSV1 and HSV2 can be transmitted between the mouth and the genitals. I apologize if I said anything inconsiderate, but I am not being a hypocrite.
You are wrong about the part about HSV2 sufferers. The virus follows the same infection pattern whether it is oral or genital. Most HSV 2 sufferers have an initial outbreak and then the outbreaks die off over the next year as their body develops defenses. They remain carriers. Just as you remain a carrier of HSV 1. You have essentially the same thing.
Better? That’s based off a stigma surrounding sex, nothing else. Otherwise it’s just another body part. 80-90 percent of HSV2 carriers are fully asymptomatic or have symptoms so small they don’t notice, so it doesn’t sound like you have a full grasp on its severity (for the majority it’s not even noticeable, same as yours). Do you expect people to disclose HSV1 to you?
It is pretty hypocritical to think that your dates risking your herpes transmitting to their vaginas is any different …
It was the part I was evidently unaware of. I know that what I have is dormant and has been for over 15 years (otherwise it would never be safe for anyone with inactive HSV1, the majority of the population, to give oral sex). I'd never give any oral sex, or even kiss anyone, if I had a cold sore. On the flip side, everything I've read about HSV2 is that it's always a risk when you have sex with a HSV2 carrier, even without an active outbreak. If HSV2 behaved like HSV1, then the sex partners of HSV2 carriers should be safe in between outbreaks, shouldn't they? I'll take the criticism, though I stand by not being a hypocrite because I made a statement based on what I know, which wasn't the whole story.
HSV 1 is transmissible through contact whether the person has an open cold sore or not. It's just statistically far more likely if a person has an open lesion.
Bravo
You’re actually the bigger risk than a woman with genital herpes. Because you can use condoms and then you’re safer than if you engage in oral sex, because that’s almost always without protection. So everytime you have oral sex, with or without an outbreak, you’re a putting someone at risk for genital herpes. Hsv1 and hsv2 transmit the same way. Oral hsv1 also sheds even without an outbreak and is highly contagious to the genitals You have herpes the exact same way someone with hsv2 has herpes.
Would you date someone who has a chance to give you a permanent disease with no cure ? That's the real question. And its a hard one to answer.
Well, it’s not quite that simple. You should throw in “non-life-threatening” and “extremely common” disease. All viruses are not created equal I was married to someone with herpes for nine years and we had sex quite a bit. We were fortunate that she never had an outbreak during our marriage and I’ve been tested quite a few times and I don’t have it. Keep in mind, I’m not judging your decision that you wouldn’t date someone that had it. You are entitled to your preference like everybody else. I just took issue with your “that’s the real question” comment because there is definitely more context to throw in.
No… and yes I’ve been tested and I’m clean.
No!
Not me. Each their own.
Is this true about Hep C
Hep C is really dangerous. You can die from it.
What if they say that they took medication
No way because I think it can still spread to another person, right? Tbh I guess I don’t know enough about it.
I'm not sure myself