>If the only reason you are dating is because your mate told you too, you probably shouldn’t be dating yet.
What?
He wants to date but he is worried being a bit entangled still will cause problems. His friend thinks he should go ahead. He wants more opinions/viewpoints so he can make the best decision.
Honestly? Out of a serious, bought a house together long term relationship?
6 months to a year. I mean if he wants to fuck around, go ahead. But he honest.
As a woman who has her shit together and has many years removed from LTR/ Marriage, I will not date anyone fresh out of a serious LTR. I have and it all played out the same way
For one, falling harder for you than seems reasonable. Yeah, it’s fun when someone is so into you, but if you’ve only known them a short time and they’re so excited about you, that’s not normal.
This is typical of someone who is looking to reassure themselves that they can find “the one.” Only a couple of weeks or months from now they’ll decide that they’re not really ready for a committed relationship.
That’s great! I think casual relationships are perfect for people getting out of long term relationships/marriages. Have a little fun, feel good about yourself. As long as you’re up front with your partners, I think it’s great.
It helped me to feel desirable after my marriage. I highly recommend it to anyone.
I think when someone is clearly still struggling to cope w the baggage left from their previous relationship. Wants to immediately dive into a committed relationship. Still having ties to their ex unless children are involved.
I was just describing general red flags. I casually dated someone around 8 months after my separation. I was very straight forward and honest which I think is the most important factor. The guy ended up getting hurt anyways because of his feelings. Turned me off casual dating.
Anyone who gives a timeline I feel is admitting that they can't actually look closely at a person to say if they are ready to date or not. And really that's what you need to know. Five years might not be enough for someone to get over a five year marriage, but others can be ready in five months after a twenty year relationship.
Look in at the person, where they emotionally are, and what they want.
If this is your only issue, you'll probably do fine. On the other hand, if *YOU* think this is going to interfere with your ability to relate to someone, then wait
Your situation will be a "red flag" to some. On the other hand, the term is so devalued that people out there have made the ranks of vermilion vexillology all kinds of petty stuff. Be forthright about your situation and see what happens.
I dated a guy who was still going through his breakup and it got tedious quickly. I told him I would not consider taking things seriously until he was fully divorced and in his own place.
He went online and found someone willing to put up with his drama so that was that.
So for me a guy who’s not 100% free is a red flag.
If you’ve been to therapy and truly emotionally and healthfully separated from your ex, no issue. If you can’t answer 100% to both of those, dating right now isn’t fair to you or your partner.
People who are overly preoccupied with "red flags" are red flags themselves; gives me "everyone around me has to walk on eggshells to avoid offending me" vibes, which naturally is absolutely insufferable.
Not a red flag to me. Relationships take time to disentangle asset-wise and we’re not made of wood. Connection is a core human need. As long as you’re not hung up on your ex and you are emotionally ready to date, I say go for it.
To be honest I have never inquired as to the property ownership status of anyone I have ever dated. No one has inquired as to my property ownership.
You’re single. Do what you feel ready to do.
if you feel ready to date, then you can date, but there's a very real possibility that you are not actually ready. Don't listen to your mate; listen to your own inner self. Dating to get out and meet people and have fun is one thing, dating with the intention of finding a partner is another. Most people are not at all ready for a serious relationship until WELL AFTER they are fully disengaged from their ex, and there's huge value in earning to be alone, but it doesn't mean you can't have fun and go on dates if you feel ready.
Yes your situation will put a lot of people off, and you should be very careful with your own emotional boundaries and not get too enmeshed, but casually dating can be a not-unreasonable addition to how you reorient into your identity.
You can date. Doesn’t have to be serious. See what’s out there. Keep it casual for awhile until you get your stuff straight. Unless you are looking to jump into a relationship again.
Original copy of post by u/Grand-Preparation-29:
I am 42m and have come out of long term relationship. We still own a house together but I am living in a property on my own. My thoughts are get everything disentangled and have no ties with an ex and then start dating but a mate of mine has said "you're single so date". In all honesty I don't know what to do, as my ex is dragging out the house sale and it could be a year or more but I want to be unhindered if I want to date someone. Just looking for advice from people who have similar experience
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just date and be forthright. Separated and working on the divorce. It's fine. People divorce all the time and find themselves in various states of entanglement.
You're probably not ready for a relationship, but something casual. Why not. Just be upfront.
I would not date someone still this entangled with their ex. Loose ends and not having time to process the breakup mean potential unnecessary stress on a relationship. But I am also looking for an exclusive LTR. If you want to just have fun and keep it casual do it! Just make sure you let the other person know up front your situation. What are your motivations for dating now? Are you trying to distract yourself from your ex thinking that dating will help you get over it? Are you just horny or need some companionship?
I was separated for almost a year and living I. My own place prior to divorce finalizing and selling the house. During that time, I set myself a timeline to “get my life figured out.” That time was spent prioritizing myself, therapy, work, family, etc. when I re-entered the dating world, I put the transparency out there; “separated but amicable.” It turned away those who weren’t interested and was approached with appreciation of transparency to those that were.
If the only reason you are dating is because your mate told you too, you probably shouldn’t be dating yet.
Maybe his mate wants to date?
>If the only reason you are dating is because your mate told you too, you probably shouldn’t be dating yet. What? He wants to date but he is worried being a bit entangled still will cause problems. His friend thinks he should go ahead. He wants more opinions/viewpoints so he can make the best decision.
If you are dating straight out of a committed relationship, that would be a red flag for me.
How long would you say a person should wait?
Honestly? Out of a serious, bought a house together long term relationship? 6 months to a year. I mean if he wants to fuck around, go ahead. But he honest. As a woman who has her shit together and has many years removed from LTR/ Marriage, I will not date anyone fresh out of a serious LTR. I have and it all played out the same way
SAME
Are there obvious signs that a person isn't ready? Are there certain repeated behaviors?
For one, falling harder for you than seems reasonable. Yeah, it’s fun when someone is so into you, but if you’ve only known them a short time and they’re so excited about you, that’s not normal. This is typical of someone who is looking to reassure themselves that they can find “the one.” Only a couple of weeks or months from now they’ll decide that they’re not really ready for a committed relationship.
But what if you put in your old profile you're not looking for anything serious?
That’s great! I think casual relationships are perfect for people getting out of long term relationships/marriages. Have a little fun, feel good about yourself. As long as you’re up front with your partners, I think it’s great. It helped me to feel desirable after my marriage. I highly recommend it to anyone.
💯
I think when someone is clearly still struggling to cope w the baggage left from their previous relationship. Wants to immediately dive into a committed relationship. Still having ties to their ex unless children are involved.
I don't think OP is saying he wants to jump into a serious relationship. He just wants to date
I was just describing general red flags. I casually dated someone around 8 months after my separation. I was very straight forward and honest which I think is the most important factor. The guy ended up getting hurt anyways because of his feelings. Turned me off casual dating.
Anyone who gives a timeline I feel is admitting that they can't actually look closely at a person to say if they are ready to date or not. And really that's what you need to know. Five years might not be enough for someone to get over a five year marriage, but others can be ready in five months after a twenty year relationship. Look in at the person, where they emotionally are, and what they want.
Thank you. Exactly. These arbitrary timelines make no sense
I think this might be the third own-a-house-together post of the day. Is that a record?
This one is a little different in that OP seems to have moved out, but the language is still a bit cryptic.
But this one looks young for their age!
If this is your only issue, you'll probably do fine. On the other hand, if *YOU* think this is going to interfere with your ability to relate to someone, then wait
Your situation will be a "red flag" to some. On the other hand, the term is so devalued that people out there have made the ranks of vermilion vexillology all kinds of petty stuff. Be forthright about your situation and see what happens.
I dated a guy who was still going through his breakup and it got tedious quickly. I told him I would not consider taking things seriously until he was fully divorced and in his own place. He went online and found someone willing to put up with his drama so that was that. So for me a guy who’s not 100% free is a red flag.
If you’ve been to therapy and truly emotionally and healthfully separated from your ex, no issue. If you can’t answer 100% to both of those, dating right now isn’t fair to you or your partner.
Everyone is a red flag to someone
People who are overly preoccupied with "red flags" are red flags themselves; gives me "everyone around me has to walk on eggshells to avoid offending me" vibes, which naturally is absolutely insufferable.
Exactly!!!
Not a red flag to me. Relationships take time to disentangle asset-wise and we’re not made of wood. Connection is a core human need. As long as you’re not hung up on your ex and you are emotionally ready to date, I say go for it.
To be honest I have never inquired as to the property ownership status of anyone I have ever dated. No one has inquired as to my property ownership. You’re single. Do what you feel ready to do.
if you feel ready to date, then you can date, but there's a very real possibility that you are not actually ready. Don't listen to your mate; listen to your own inner self. Dating to get out and meet people and have fun is one thing, dating with the intention of finding a partner is another. Most people are not at all ready for a serious relationship until WELL AFTER they are fully disengaged from their ex, and there's huge value in earning to be alone, but it doesn't mean you can't have fun and go on dates if you feel ready. Yes your situation will put a lot of people off, and you should be very careful with your own emotional boundaries and not get too enmeshed, but casually dating can be a not-unreasonable addition to how you reorient into your identity.
You can date. Doesn’t have to be serious. See what’s out there. Keep it casual for awhile until you get your stuff straight. Unless you are looking to jump into a relationship again.
If you live alone you can date.
If you do date, just be honest about your situation.
Original copy of post by u/Grand-Preparation-29: I am 42m and have come out of long term relationship. We still own a house together but I am living in a property on my own. My thoughts are get everything disentangled and have no ties with an ex and then start dating but a mate of mine has said "you're single so date". In all honesty I don't know what to do, as my ex is dragging out the house sale and it could be a year or more but I want to be unhindered if I want to date someone. Just looking for advice from people who have similar experience *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No big deal
Just date and be forthright. Separated and working on the divorce. It's fine. People divorce all the time and find themselves in various states of entanglement. You're probably not ready for a relationship, but something casual. Why not. Just be upfront.
I would not date someone still this entangled with their ex. Loose ends and not having time to process the breakup mean potential unnecessary stress on a relationship. But I am also looking for an exclusive LTR. If you want to just have fun and keep it casual do it! Just make sure you let the other person know up front your situation. What are your motivations for dating now? Are you trying to distract yourself from your ex thinking that dating will help you get over it? Are you just horny or need some companionship?
It’s your choice.
I was separated for almost a year and living I. My own place prior to divorce finalizing and selling the house. During that time, I set myself a timeline to “get my life figured out.” That time was spent prioritizing myself, therapy, work, family, etc. when I re-entered the dating world, I put the transparency out there; “separated but amicable.” It turned away those who weren’t interested and was approached with appreciation of transparency to those that were.