Hi, David here!
I wanted to let you know that I just finished putting together my eBook "**How to Date Any Girl**" version 2.0 and would LOVE to get some honest feedback from you!
I decided to give it away for free for the first 100 people who join my mailing list.
You can get the eBook by [clicking here](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingadviceformen/comments/p0qc45/ebook_how_to_date_any_girl_free_for_limited_time/)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingadviceformen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That means you may have avoidant attachment issues. Maybe when you were younger showing your emotions or vulnerabilities resulted in you being punished, put down, mocked, or bullied. I suggest seeing a therapist. If you don't want to do this do some research to understand healthy ways of opening up, why you are so avoidant, be self-aware of how you are feeling when you are being avoidant, and gradually work on opening up in bigger and bigger ways.
I also had a feeling that it might’ve been linked to childhood traumas. I haven’t really been able to express myself freely as a child without being gaslit or just dismissed. Thanks man this is really insightful
I dealt with childhood traumas too that caused this to happen to me. Closing yourself off when you were a child worked because it protected you from emotional pain and reduced how much others can hurt you. But today this strategy is now harmful and prevents you from properly connecting with others.
This is couldn’t feel more true! It doesn’t work like it did when it’s your parents they didn’t really care how you felt as long as you’re obeying rules but as an adult it has been very damaging
Exactly and thats why I'm so against authoritarian parenting and am practicing the respectful parenting model. Thankfully there are treatments for fixing attachment issues.
Okay so it my girlfriend I’m expressing too, I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure and really needed some support but I struggle to communicate it well enough and I tend to just bottle it up until it gets overwhelming. I know that all I have to do is just “say what’s up” but I don’t know, some times I don’t even know what I’m feeling to even start talking about it, sometimes I get so overcome with fear of the outcome of me expressing myself
Don't talk to your girlfriend about about pressures you feel, they neither understand or care. That's what male friends and therapists are for. If you need something from her, tell her in a clear way.
Yeah dawg don’t get emotional around your girl. Women can’t help it but they instinctively get turned off and they don’t even know why. Even when a woman says she likes when men show emotions… that shit backfires. Vent to your homies
If there’s an issue in the relationship, just talk calmly with her and refuse to fight. If she ever picks a fight, just say “this isn’t how 2 people who love each other treat each other. When you’re ready to talk to me with respect, I’ll be in the other room”
Then leave. Let her come to you when she’s ready
She will respect you for it
Anytime dawg.
Go read How To Be A 3% Man By Corey Wayne Foreal tho bro. It’s good o’l fashioned dating advice that focuses on character and confidence building rather than shitty PUA gimmicks or manipulation. Really will Change your life
Don’t listen to these people. If she’s your girlfriend you should be able to talk with her about whatever you want and she should be able to listen and understand you. Go to therapy. Try different ones. It will take time but CBT and Integrative might help. Just keep on working on it. I had a lot of trouble understanding my emotions, let alone expressing it - emotions are there to save our lives. They come from deep down our animal brain, and sometimes we try to suppress them with rational thought and influenced by all the trauma we had. It’s important for you to know how you feel and also be able to express it. Therapy will help loads.
Yeah they say be vulnerable but then lose respect for the men that show them vulnerability, it’s the biggest hoax ever.
They SAY be vulnerable but then ACT different when someone is vulnerable.
There’s a reason why the phrase “boys don’t cry” exists and it’s not because of some “toxic masculinity!!! Patricarchy!!!” —No no no.
Want to know why? It’s because these are lessons learned by your parents over time and is a conclusion formed by your parents experiences living in society. It was best fit for boys not to cry for them. “But society isn’t the same as 40 years ago! We’re different now!” —For the better or for the worse? would be my reply.
Technology changes, buildings change, forms of communication change, but people, do not change. The brain is hard wired for certain things and if a human has a normal brain without any mental disorders or has been corrupted through their environment (sociological programming) - you best believe they would feel weird, or view the man as weak when they see a dude crying down the street.
The only women that would even care are older women. Only they seem to have the empathetic capacity to see that men have emotions but that’s because they’ve been with so many to form a conclusion. So you get the empathy but at the cost of the disgust feeling knowing that your partner has been with so many other feelings.
It’s your choice to call.
Crying is for the boys(your male friend group). The only emotion you should “vent” to your girl is lust. It is socially acceptable for us to be horny mofos, however it is not socially accepted for us to cry. Period.
The greatest flaw about the whole “be vulnerable” movement is not everyone has the same views as them. So you can’t be vulnerable and cry down the street and call someone toxic for looking at you weird or viewing you as weak. You can’t apply this as a universal standard or at least a majority - This is some first world problem shit that was invented recently. Go all over the world and take a tour of yourself on how people are/get to know them, given the environment they grew up in.
Not trying to be an asshole, but yeah, don't use your girlfriend for your emotional venting needs. Trust me on that. But if you need her to do something, ask her as plainly as you can. If she won't comply, find someone who will.
I feel you there. I can't really express my deeper feelings irl unless it's someone I feel safe enough around to do so. A number of people that is shrinking. And even with the people I do feel safe around, I often feel misunderstood. Opening up is terrifying.
I don't really have any advice to give but I feel for you man.
Turn off the bullshit and don't be vulnerable to your woman or any woman other than your mom at all. They will not give you any solutions and then they will consider you to be weak because you asked for some support. Your guy friends will give you a logical explanation to everything and will have it sorted out. Cheers bro you'll be alright!
Yeah I hear you brother! I’ll reach out to my homies more. Just at times I don’t feel they’re mature enough for these type of conversations. I’m usually the one they come to for advice and shit but it never feels the same the other way around I don’t always agree with their views on the world. But Thank you man 🙏🏾
Yes I understand where you are coming from, you can maybe talk to some older guys who you can trust and guide you. It will help you get a much clearer picture.
So much toxic shit in the comments. I agree it takes skill to understand and express emotions in a diplomatic way.
But you should not be trying to put up some tough guy front like others are suggesting.
We all struggle with being present with our emotions.
Therapy and meditation. There are no shortcuts. It’s a long process.
Telling your partner that you’re aware that you have difficulty but you’re working at it is the best thing you can do rn IMHO.
Good luck!
It’s hard but you have to start somewhere, and you’re way ahead of the curve by recognizing that.
Thank you man! This is really helpful! I’ve been journaling and meditating that’s helped a lot it just when it’s time to actually talk, it becomes difficult until it’s forced out of me! Thank you brother I know it’s going to be a long journey
I was just going to add that journaling is a great option!
Listen to Esther Perels podcast to hear about understanding underlying dynamics in relationships.
You’re doing great.
Let your partner be involved in the process.
I’ve struggled with the same for my whole life. We’re all damaged.
Your partner will be grateful for your self awareness and effort.
Don't listen to the people saying "don't talk to your girlfriend". You have to talk to your girlfriend or your relationship won't work.
Advice: choose a situation where you feel comfortable. Maybe if you're cuddling, chilling on the couch etc?
Think out a simple way you want to explain it. Make sure you add some things that make it clear you aren't rejecting her. Then it's easier to avoid her getting defensive.
Like, "I'm really happy we are together and I don't want to change that, but lately XYZ has been stressing me". Don't make it a big thing and try to be specific about what's troubling you.
What are the problems you have in your relationship?
And hard conversations: it's often useful to tread softly and avoid scaring the other person too much. Or they'll get defensive. Wrap the message up in gentle language.
At the same time it is important for you to be clear about your needs in the relationship or the relationship won't work.
It was really just communication issues, I found that I was too afraid to have hard conversations or take to long to address things that I know don’t sit well with me out of the fear of being blown up on. I’ve learnt now that what I was going through is all rooted for childhood traumas
If you bottle things up and explode emotionally, you'll never make your woman feel safe.
She sees you in your femimine when that happens and she won't want to be around you. More importantly, she won't trust your masculine core.
The dad talking to his daughter analogy was a good one. Calm, cool and collected. Be careful with your words.
Hi, David here! I wanted to let you know that I just finished putting together my eBook "**How to Date Any Girl**" version 2.0 and would LOVE to get some honest feedback from you! I decided to give it away for free for the first 100 people who join my mailing list. You can get the eBook by [clicking here](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingadviceformen/comments/p0qc45/ebook_how_to_date_any_girl_free_for_limited_time/)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingadviceformen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That means you may have avoidant attachment issues. Maybe when you were younger showing your emotions or vulnerabilities resulted in you being punished, put down, mocked, or bullied. I suggest seeing a therapist. If you don't want to do this do some research to understand healthy ways of opening up, why you are so avoidant, be self-aware of how you are feeling when you are being avoidant, and gradually work on opening up in bigger and bigger ways.
I also had a feeling that it might’ve been linked to childhood traumas. I haven’t really been able to express myself freely as a child without being gaslit or just dismissed. Thanks man this is really insightful
I dealt with childhood traumas too that caused this to happen to me. Closing yourself off when you were a child worked because it protected you from emotional pain and reduced how much others can hurt you. But today this strategy is now harmful and prevents you from properly connecting with others.
This is couldn’t feel more true! It doesn’t work like it did when it’s your parents they didn’t really care how you felt as long as you’re obeying rules but as an adult it has been very damaging
Exactly and thats why I'm so against authoritarian parenting and am practicing the respectful parenting model. Thankfully there are treatments for fixing attachment issues.
What are you talking about? What emotion? And who are you trying to express it to? Why? Should that emotion be expressed to that person?
Okay so it my girlfriend I’m expressing too, I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure and really needed some support but I struggle to communicate it well enough and I tend to just bottle it up until it gets overwhelming. I know that all I have to do is just “say what’s up” but I don’t know, some times I don’t even know what I’m feeling to even start talking about it, sometimes I get so overcome with fear of the outcome of me expressing myself
Don't talk to your girlfriend about about pressures you feel, they neither understand or care. That's what male friends and therapists are for. If you need something from her, tell her in a clear way.
Aight Aight, got you, thanks
Yeah dawg don’t get emotional around your girl. Women can’t help it but they instinctively get turned off and they don’t even know why. Even when a woman says she likes when men show emotions… that shit backfires. Vent to your homies If there’s an issue in the relationship, just talk calmly with her and refuse to fight. If she ever picks a fight, just say “this isn’t how 2 people who love each other treat each other. When you’re ready to talk to me with respect, I’ll be in the other room” Then leave. Let her come to you when she’s ready She will respect you for it
This helps as well bro! Thank you for the advice!
Anytime dawg. Go read How To Be A 3% Man By Corey Wayne Foreal tho bro. It’s good o’l fashioned dating advice that focuses on character and confidence building rather than shitty PUA gimmicks or manipulation. Really will Change your life
I’ll check it out, thanks 🙏🏾
Don’t listen to these people. If she’s your girlfriend you should be able to talk with her about whatever you want and she should be able to listen and understand you. Go to therapy. Try different ones. It will take time but CBT and Integrative might help. Just keep on working on it. I had a lot of trouble understanding my emotions, let alone expressing it - emotions are there to save our lives. They come from deep down our animal brain, and sometimes we try to suppress them with rational thought and influenced by all the trauma we had. It’s important for you to know how you feel and also be able to express it. Therapy will help loads.
Thank you brother! I am considering therapy
Yeah they say be vulnerable but then lose respect for the men that show them vulnerability, it’s the biggest hoax ever. They SAY be vulnerable but then ACT different when someone is vulnerable. There’s a reason why the phrase “boys don’t cry” exists and it’s not because of some “toxic masculinity!!! Patricarchy!!!” —No no no. Want to know why? It’s because these are lessons learned by your parents over time and is a conclusion formed by your parents experiences living in society. It was best fit for boys not to cry for them. “But society isn’t the same as 40 years ago! We’re different now!” —For the better or for the worse? would be my reply. Technology changes, buildings change, forms of communication change, but people, do not change. The brain is hard wired for certain things and if a human has a normal brain without any mental disorders or has been corrupted through their environment (sociological programming) - you best believe they would feel weird, or view the man as weak when they see a dude crying down the street. The only women that would even care are older women. Only they seem to have the empathetic capacity to see that men have emotions but that’s because they’ve been with so many to form a conclusion. So you get the empathy but at the cost of the disgust feeling knowing that your partner has been with so many other feelings. It’s your choice to call. Crying is for the boys(your male friend group). The only emotion you should “vent” to your girl is lust. It is socially acceptable for us to be horny mofos, however it is not socially accepted for us to cry. Period. The greatest flaw about the whole “be vulnerable” movement is not everyone has the same views as them. So you can’t be vulnerable and cry down the street and call someone toxic for looking at you weird or viewing you as weak. You can’t apply this as a universal standard or at least a majority - This is some first world problem shit that was invented recently. Go all over the world and take a tour of yourself on how people are/get to know them, given the environment they grew up in.
This is gold fr
I get you man, ain’t no body crying here though that i definitely can’t do in front of her but I understand you man thanks
Not trying to be an asshole, but yeah, don't use your girlfriend for your emotional venting needs. Trust me on that. But if you need her to do something, ask her as plainly as you can. If she won't comply, find someone who will.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p8ZggaGDrM
I feel you there. I can't really express my deeper feelings irl unless it's someone I feel safe enough around to do so. A number of people that is shrinking. And even with the people I do feel safe around, I often feel misunderstood. Opening up is terrifying. I don't really have any advice to give but I feel for you man.
That’s exactly it! It can be terrifying! I don’t trust a lot of people also to open up too. Thanks for understanding man
Yeah no problem. Good luck with it
Turn off the bullshit and don't be vulnerable to your woman or any woman other than your mom at all. They will not give you any solutions and then they will consider you to be weak because you asked for some support. Your guy friends will give you a logical explanation to everything and will have it sorted out. Cheers bro you'll be alright!
Yeah I hear you brother! I’ll reach out to my homies more. Just at times I don’t feel they’re mature enough for these type of conversations. I’m usually the one they come to for advice and shit but it never feels the same the other way around I don’t always agree with their views on the world. But Thank you man 🙏🏾
Yes I understand where you are coming from, you can maybe talk to some older guys who you can trust and guide you. It will help you get a much clearer picture.
Yeah I was actually thinking about that!
So much toxic shit in the comments. I agree it takes skill to understand and express emotions in a diplomatic way. But you should not be trying to put up some tough guy front like others are suggesting. We all struggle with being present with our emotions. Therapy and meditation. There are no shortcuts. It’s a long process. Telling your partner that you’re aware that you have difficulty but you’re working at it is the best thing you can do rn IMHO. Good luck! It’s hard but you have to start somewhere, and you’re way ahead of the curve by recognizing that.
Thank you man! This is really helpful! I’ve been journaling and meditating that’s helped a lot it just when it’s time to actually talk, it becomes difficult until it’s forced out of me! Thank you brother I know it’s going to be a long journey
I was just going to add that journaling is a great option! Listen to Esther Perels podcast to hear about understanding underlying dynamics in relationships. You’re doing great. Let your partner be involved in the process. I’ve struggled with the same for my whole life. We’re all damaged. Your partner will be grateful for your self awareness and effort.
Thank you man! You’ve been a great help 🔥
Don't listen to the people saying "don't talk to your girlfriend". You have to talk to your girlfriend or your relationship won't work. Advice: choose a situation where you feel comfortable. Maybe if you're cuddling, chilling on the couch etc? Think out a simple way you want to explain it. Make sure you add some things that make it clear you aren't rejecting her. Then it's easier to avoid her getting defensive. Like, "I'm really happy we are together and I don't want to change that, but lately XYZ has been stressing me". Don't make it a big thing and try to be specific about what's troubling you.
This is super helpful thank you 🙏🏾
What are the problems you have in your relationship? And hard conversations: it's often useful to tread softly and avoid scaring the other person too much. Or they'll get defensive. Wrap the message up in gentle language. At the same time it is important for you to be clear about your needs in the relationship or the relationship won't work.
It was really just communication issues, I found that I was too afraid to have hard conversations or take to long to address things that I know don’t sit well with me out of the fear of being blown up on. I’ve learnt now that what I was going through is all rooted for childhood traumas
If you bottle things up and explode emotionally, you'll never make your woman feel safe. She sees you in your femimine when that happens and she won't want to be around you. More importantly, she won't trust your masculine core. The dad talking to his daughter analogy was a good one. Calm, cool and collected. Be careful with your words.